The Fatherless Identity Gap

A missing father doesn’t just leave an empty chair. It can leave a child building an identity from scraps, swallowing anger that has nowhere safe to go, and chasing belonging so hard that boundaries get blurry. We go back to our “nine side effects of growing up fatherless” list and slow down on three that show up again and again in real life: identity crisis, silent anger, and the need to belong. 

We talk about what it feels like to look in the mirror and search for dad’s features, or to feel a strange sense of closeness when someone says, “You act like your father,” even when you barely know him. From there we move into the pressure-cooker side of fatherlessness: rejection that turns into pain, pain that converts into anger, and anger that can erupt on the wrong people. We also connect the dots to culture right now, including communication anxiety, fear of basic phone calls, and how technology and AI relationships can make isolation easier and real connection harder. 

Then we get practical about belonging. We unpack why kids without fathers can be more vulnerable to gangs or unhealthy groups, not because they want trouble, but because they want family. We share ways parents can train the “communication muscle,” teach respect, and help kids face awkward moments and rejection without shutting down. We close with a recap, a LaCrae line that sticks, and a preview of what we tackle next: understanding your value. 

Subscribe for more conversations on fatherhood, absent father recovery, and healing the father wound, then share this episode with someone who needs it and leave us a review. What part of the fatherless story do you want us to talk about next?

Transcript

Welcome And Mission Of The Show

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Hello and welcome to our podcast stories, the Father Factor Podcast. I'm your host, Byron Ricks, and joining me is my co-host and good friend Josh Wombrock. The objective is to give a voice to fathers who are not able to be with their kids, mothers who are raising kids without fathers, and children who unfortunately are growing up without fathers in their lives.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

It take more than most of them. Oh it take more than so to win the dog. Oh it takes more than good to be the ball. Oh it take more. It take more.

The Nine Fatherless Side Effects

Identity Crisis And Missing Connection

SPEAKER_01 0:47

Alrighty. Welcome back, everyone. I am excited to be here. How about you, Josh? Oh, I'm so excited, turned up, ready to go. Ready to go, rock and roll. Today we're going to go back and visit the nine side effects of growing up fatherless. I'm going to mention them all, yet we may or may not be able to cover them all in this session, but we will cover them all before it's over with. Okay. The first one is an identity crisis, silent anger, a need to belong, underestimating one's own value, misunderstanding character, lack of respect, the void, which was big for me, a lopsided view of sex, you know, uh we don't want to commit, and not enough love. We don't feel we don't feel that we are loved enough. And for me as a kid, I'm gonna start with number one really, because there was an identity crisis because my dad was out of the picture I guess since I was three years old, you know, and so now I'm 10, 11, 12, 13, and I'm looking for a dad figure. I'm going to Catholic schools at that time, and some of my classmates had their fathers. And that you could tell that was their father when they came up to the school and those kinds of things. And a boy looks for his identity through his father, a young boy. And I'm sure girls do have an identity crisis as well, but we we'll focus on boys this particular session. And I would look in the mirror and look for my dad. I would look for attributes from my dad. I have my mom's nose. That was, you know, we we have twin noses. So, but for my dad, I would look for him and and what he looked like and what could be possibly his. If he didn't look like my mother, then was it possibly him, or then what was what was his, what was my mother's, and and what was mine. How about you, Josh?

SPEAKER_04 2:58

Oh yeah, no, that was the same thing. I mean, I was looking, trying to figure it out. You know, I had different hair, I changed color in the summertime, and you know, just trying to figure out what changed color in the summertime. You know, figure out who I am, um, and also, you know, one of the things is the behavioral. You know, hearing you like your dad, sometimes it was endearing, sometimes it was, you know, condescending. Um, but either way, to me, it was it made me feel close. So there was clearly a crisis.

SPEAKER_01 3:30

Okay. So when when you say made you feel close, you mean when when when they would tell you you act like your dad, that made you feel closer to your dad?

SPEAKER_04 3:40

Like there's a connection.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Really?

SPEAKER_04 3:42

Like I was connected to him somehow. Because how did I get how am I like him when I I don't know him?

SPEAKER_01 3:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 3:48

So I almost feel like, oh, okay, I am his.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

Okay. Whatever he is. Whatever he is. Whatever he's like, whatever that is, obviously I exude that. Right. So either way, you can say it condescending, but I still took it like, oh, okay. Okay. That was a connection. Right. That was a connection. And that's what's what children without their father and their mothers, we know that. Without a parent, but again, we're talking about fathers right now. Without their fathers, they missed that connection. You know, I I we've talked, if you listen to the podcast, you know, I recently met my father's side of the family a few years ago, and I had an aunt that was 94 years old at the time I met her a few years ago. She passed away last year, actually, at 97. So uh so I met her four years ago, actually. So this is another year she's been gone. But that said, I see cousins on my father's side that look like my father and look like me, you know, and it's amazing how excited I became by by seeing them and connecting with them. It was like that was missing all my life.

SPEAKER_04 4:55

Yeah, no, I mean that what's crazy is I, you know, I got an army of siblings.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

Yeah, you do.

SPEAKER_04 5:00

You know, even a brother named Josh, for y'all that don't know. It's two of us. And um, but I was talking to one of my sisters, Jaden, and we're talking about all of our siblings and basically how we're spread out.

SPEAKER_02 5:13

Right.

SPEAKER_04 5:14

And not necessarily spread out for them, they're all kind of in the same area.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

Right.

SPEAKER_04 5:18

But, you know, we were spread out amongst childhood.

SPEAKER_01 5:21

Yeah, you didn't grow up together in one household.

SPEAKER_04 5:23

Right. We when we were together, we was together, but most of the time we were in different households, or a couple of us might be over here, but it wasn't a consistency of like if you know your that sibling that you live with.

SPEAKER_02 5:36

Right.

SPEAKER_04 5:36

Right. Um so but the desire to connect, be connected with those siblings, the desire for that connection can uh oftentimes override um our boundaries.

SPEAKER_02 5:49

Right.

SPEAKER_04 5:50

Because we know that there's such an identity need to connect with our roots for our people, we may allow boundary violations.

SPEAKER_02 5:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:00

Just because that's that desire which then makes you question, who am I? What do I stand for? What ah you know it's tough because it's such a deep cutting uh wound that you know, almost like I remember I shot the neighbor's um the neighbor's SUV window out with a BB gun by mistake. You know, it was jamming and then I smacked it and it shot out two BBs at the same time. And this is as a grown man too. Um but the the window didn't like break, but if y'all would have touched it, it would have gone everywhere. But the cracks just went all over that that the way that it cracked. And I think that's kind of like with the father wounds and how it relates to identity.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

Right.

SPEAKER_04 6:50

Because you it's kind of, oh damn, another wound.

SPEAKER_01 6:53

That crack is there. You know, it reminds me when when you're driving, actually, if you think about that that analogy, and uh and you're behind the truck and it shoots up a rock and it hits your windshield. And it's just a small crack there.

SPEAKER_04 7:07

Right.

Silent Anger And Misplaced Rage

SPEAKER_01 7:07

You know, but over time, you know, it spreads. Extreme temperatures, expression, exposure, pressure, yeah. Exactly. That that's that's what happens, man. You know, and and as a result of that, we deal with this anger issue that becomes up. We get angry about it, which is the second side effect, which is it well, it starts off as silent anger, but then it can manifest itself uh in into violent anger. Right. Violent rages. And in fact, it was a funny thing. I was listening to uh Will Smith being interviewed by um, oh, what's the what's his name? From South Africa. He used to do the Daily Show. I can't think of his name.

SPEAKER_04 7:52

Light skinned.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Yeah, light skinned brother.

SPEAKER_04 7:54

Oh, I can't think.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

I can't think of his name. But he was being interviewed, he was interviewing Will Smith, uh, and and he asked Will Smith about the moment of slapping Chris Rock. You know, and Will Smith said, I regret that. He said, he said, I I regret that. I'm trying to to out to to outlive that or get get get past that, and I hope people can get past that because that's not me. And so he asked him, well, why do you think you did? I mean, what what do you what motive? I mean, what what was the trigger there? And he said, Will Smith said, you know, I I I think that I was all pent up. There's so many things that happened to me in my life, and he said that I used to watch my father beat my mother. You know, now I don't know, you know, I don't know how you can you can make that leap from from your father being your mother to you slapping Chris, but then then I do. But but he's saying the same thing in that I my father acted out, and I had this anger inside me, and for whatever reason, that particular night, it exploded. And and unfortunately, Chris Rock was the recipient of that explosion.

SPEAKER_04 9:10

Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, silent anger and anger in general is I mean, I mean, when you think about it, a lot of times it comes from rejection. The feeling of rejection is hurt, it's pain. Um we also oftentimes convert pain to anger, you know, which is also fear. You know, like for example, excuse me, y'all. Um sitting outside the front waiting for your dad to come pick you up. The most famous story we hear of all, right?

SPEAKER_02 9:49

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:50

Man, I ain't never doing this again, I ain't never waiting for him again. Right. And what happens the next time he says I'm coming?

SPEAKER_01 9:57

You get excited. You get excited. Trevor Noah.

SPEAKER_04 9:59

Trevor Noah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:01

There you go.

unknown 10:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 10:01

Um you go right back to it, but it's it's again that a lot of times the anger is fear, it's still fear, it's pain, it's rejection, it's all disguised, and the only way a lot of times we know how to express it is through anger.

SPEAKER_02 10:15

Right.

SPEAKER_04 10:15

But a lot of us, um, when you say silent, it's that slow build, that pressure building. Exactly, exactly, and then you overflow with it.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

Right. It reminds me of a volcano, and when I went to Hawaii, and they said the volcano is a it's a live volcano, and we took a helicopter ride. Because from the outside, it didn't look like a live volcano.

SPEAKER_03 10:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

You know, but we took the helicopter ride, and he flew over the volcano, and you look down in the volcano, and you can actually see the lava in the volcano. And they said, well, it will blow, it may be a year, it may be five years. Just depends on the elements, the lava flow. We don't know. But what we do know is it's gonna blow. And sure enough, it blew. Now it wouldn't blew, it didn't blow then, obviously, but years later, uh, that volcano blew and covered up the whole town. I think it was uh I have to look it up. But that's what happens with people, right? Inside, you you you anticipate your dad coming, you wait for him to come. Now that didn't happen with my dad, per se. Well, it did and it didn't. In that my brother would say he would come pick me up and he wouldn't because he would he didn't for whatever reason. But I remember when I talked to my dad when I was a kid, he said that he was gonna write me. He was gonna he was gonna send me a no, he was gonna write me. And and I would sit outside and wait for the mailman to come. You know, every day, and that letter never came. You know, and I and again that slow, slow anger began to just just build up in me. Yeah, you know. So we have silent anger. Anger in its anger in uh its many shades is one of the deep-rooted side effects of growing up following us, and it is often d directed at the wrong people.

SPEAKER_04 12:20

Yeah, Chris Rott.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

Chris Rott.

SPEAKER_04 12:23

Well, I mean, and and you know, to to lighten it, you know, you ever see the movie Me, Myself, and Irene?

SPEAKER_01 12:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 12:29

You know, not a children's movie, parents. That's what I'm saying, but we saw Jim Carrey literally hit that point. And it literally shifted. Um because a lot of people do tuck that anger in. It may not some people are angry, but they don't you don't see any signs of it. They walk around in life smiling and act, but internally they're decaying until one day there is that I never saw it coming.

SPEAKER_02 12:56

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 12:56

And then you have the people that are considered troublesome because of that anger, which is often misplaced.

Communication Fear In A Tech Age

SPEAKER_01 13:04

You know, and and and when anger gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems at work, uh, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life.

SPEAKER_04 13:15

Oh, yeah. I mean, you have to think about it. There's certain people out there you just don't want to be around.

SPEAKER_02 13:20

Right.

SPEAKER_04 13:20

You just don't want to be around them. Um and you know, I'll I'll speak to a child when it comes to like child rearing, right?

SPEAKER_02 13:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 13:31

Um, especially in this climate. It's kind of a segue, but I'll tie it back. Um a lot of these younger parents are big on the feelings of their kids.

SPEAKER_02 13:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 13:42

And which feelings are important, they're indicators. But if we don't know how to direct those feelings, teach them how to utilize them, uh, and we cater too much to their comfort and environment, we raise some a child that's gonna struggle in the real world.

SPEAKER_01 14:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 14:02

Right.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

And thus we see that today.

SPEAKER_04 14:04

Right.

SPEAKER_01 14:05

Today we see a lot of what it what are the ones now? What is the ones now coming in the workplace? What do you call those? Um Generation Z?

SPEAKER_04 14:15

Gen Z, maybe Gen Z?

SPEAKER_01 14:17

Gen Z, I don't know. But but is they they don't have the interpersonal skills.

SPEAKER_04 14:25

Right. It's a struggle, and and I can make an excuse for them, but also it also there's there has to be a desire.

SPEAKER_02 14:33

Right.

SPEAKER_04 14:33

You know, some of a lot of them were COVID kids.

SPEAKER_02 14:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:36

Right. So there's there's part of that, but it's still a disservice if you don't because we're reaching a point where um being a communicator is gonna be very, I mean, it's always invaluable, but ultra valuable because people are scared to communicate. I had an encounter um at one point in my career, say it that way, uh, where this individual is so scared, you know, to get a to use the phone, simply make a phone call. This wasn't even a salesperson.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

Just to make a regular phone call. To make regular when you say scared though, what what I mean like what kind of call was it for or to?

SPEAKER_04 15:18

Um a vendor call.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Okay, gonna call a vendor.

SPEAKER_04 15:22

We need these items for a customer of ours. Okay. Um what's you know, what's the turnaround time? Basic calls. It's just basic calls. Basic costs as part of the job.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

And they were afraid to do that.

SPEAKER_04 15:33

Um and they struggled, like, like it was a I'm not going to and you say this is a generation Z person?

SPEAKER_01 15:39

Um, okay.

SPEAKER_04 15:42

I'm not going to to all the excuses just like far reaching and then to shutting down. Um and most of the people that were around this individual are much, much older. Me coming from a sales training and consulting and you know, executive leadership background with it. My job, or at least I I would think my job, is to identify those and the struggles and the challenges and the roadblocks. And that was so obvious that I've never seen a case of the fears for the phones. I see it in sales. Like in rookies, oh no, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 16:22

So do you think that relates back to them not having to communicate young? They having all the the technologies they have.

SPEAKER_04 16:30

It's unknown. The fear of rejection. I don't know these people. I don't, I'm not connected to the people.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

But you don't really have to know the vendor to call and they would rather email.

SPEAKER_04 16:40

Why can't we just email them? Why do we have to call? Why okay like it's it's all the the fear of having to interact, it's all rooted in fear.

SPEAKER_01 16:49

Now, now can we though blame that on the father or the mother?

SPEAKER_04 16:54

I mean, I I mean we can blame the parents for sure because we shouldn't leave it up to the kids fully, I mean to the schools fully.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

Well, is it just a sign of the times? Look, we are in the AI age right now, and it I'm I'm just sitting back and wondering how this is all gonna look five years from now, ten years from now, with this AI age. People, you know, right now, you think about this a minute. People today now have an AI partner.

SPEAKER_03 17:27

Right?

The Need To Belong And Boundaries

SPEAKER_01 17:27

They talk to the AI. Yes. In fact, they've now created what was that little that kid that killed himself uh because he thought he was talking to a female and he was talking to a bot, yeah. You know.

SPEAKER_04 17:41

I mean it's the communication is a skill.

SPEAKER_01 17:44

It is, but but that takes us to another side effect, and the reason that kind of things happen with that kid is side effect number three is a need to belong. Studies show that boys and and girls without fathers are more likely to join gangs, they yearn to be what? Socially accepted, and this sometimes takes them down the wrong path.

SPEAKER_04 18:11

Right. Because in that same vein, what we were talking about, the fear of the call, it's that's I believe that's what it is right there. Need to belong. I'm not at I've not had to make a lot of calls before. I've not done this.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

Well, they haven't belonged before, and now they don't know how to belong. Right. Because they haven't had to belong. Whereas in our generation, I'm a generation ahead of you, but we needed to belong because that was a part of what society did. But in this, these societies today, people people live in, they live by themselves or they they they can live in the same house and be roommates and not talk to each other.

SPEAKER_04 18:52

Yeah, it's crazy because you know I'm I'm I guess an OG millennial, or I've been told a geriatric millennial. Because, you know, I was you know 85. So I was right there in that cusp of uh Gen X millennial. So I got to see the internet unfold in a home. But I also got to play outside, well, they some of them would say until the street lights come on, but you know, I didn't have rules necessarily like that.

SPEAKER_01 19:17

Well, I was yeah, I was a streetlight come on.

SPEAKER_04 19:19

Um, but I'd be out. But uh so I've seen both of it. Uh I've been able, it's been helpful for me in my career because I was able to watch the whole internet age ramp up, but also was part of the social, normal social out there before social media took shape. I remember I was in high school before the camera phone came up, you know, the or the color screen on the phone. I saw a kid had a color screen, I was like, oh man, he must be rich. I didn't know that was a thing.

SPEAKER_02 19:48

That was a thing, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:49

But but that's that's the thing is we were forced to talk to each other. You call, remember you call somebody's house?

SPEAKER_02 19:54

Right.

SPEAKER_04 19:55

If they didn't pick up, then okay, you didn't talk to them.

SPEAKER_02 19:57

Right.

SPEAKER_04 19:57

Or you might run into them or go to their house. It was it was a forced social structure.

SPEAKER_01 20:03

Right, because that's what you needed in those days to be successful. You needed to be able to interact with others.

SPEAKER_02 20:10

Right.

SPEAKER_01 20:10

You know, my grandkids would come over right now, and in fact, I was with them last week, and you know, they could sit there and and flows with us. We would took them to lunch, and the two younger ones, the one that's your daughter's age, she was out doing whatever she does. That's a whole different ball, that's a whole different ball game right there. But do you know that both of them wouldn't even talk? My wife finally said, put everything away. We're having lunch, we're going to have a conversation. Yes. And they were like, A conversation? Yes, we're gonna talk. Put your phone away. And then and then my grandson, he's still trying to look at the phone, and she finally just grabbed it and said, No, we're gonna have a conversation, and then she began to talk to him. So, how was school? How is this? What's going on? Just pumping him with questions to have him respond. Yeah, yeah, have her respond.

SPEAKER_04 21:09

And see, I've been good with my son's been great with that. My daughter, she used to be then her, was it freshman year? Freshman year was COVID. All online, then they have to go in, all of that. So it's been somewhat, but when she's on at work, she's on. But my son, he can but it's been more of I want him to be aware. So I've been training that muscle.

SPEAKER_02 21:33

Right.

SPEAKER_04 21:33

But what one of the things we did recently, um, because there's it's awkward, right? And that need to belong shouldn't overrule the the importance of what we talked about on number one, that crisis identity. You know, we should be able to know who we are, teach our kids to understand their identity as well, which means that the the need to belong uh that gives Yeah, for that there should be a desire there. Socially no, no, everybody wants to be socially accepted. But the need to belong is a bit deeper because of the loss, the rejection, that identity crisis. I mean, the side effects are building on each other, right? So what I made him do is we saw an older lady. This is back when it was icing here in Texas. And I seen an older lady, and I said, uh, you know, his face and his phone. I'm like, hey man, pay attention. I said, you see that lady right there? I would you gonna offer to help her, I'm gonna tell you to do her windshield. What? And I said, Yeah, go go out of her, go tell her you want to help her do.

SPEAKER_01 22:40

And you where were you again?

SPEAKER_04 22:41

We had Kroger. We outside Kroger.

SPEAKER_01 22:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 22:44

And uh I could tell she was one that's gonna be like, oh nah, I got this. Like you just I could tell. But I wanted to put him to that.

SPEAKER_01 22:51

Do her windshield.

SPEAKER_04 22:52

Windshield from that because there's uh she had a gas station? No, he was outside Kroger, it was sleeting.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

Okay, sleeting.

SPEAKER_04 22:58

And uh so she was trying to scrape off. Okay, okay, okay. I was like, go out there and help her out.

SPEAKER_01 23:03

Help her out.

SPEAKER_04 23:04

And I knew she was gonna say no, I could just tell.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

Right.

SPEAKER_04 23:06

But I wanted him to go into that scene. Initiate. He needs to be willing because it's awkward.

SPEAKER_02 23:13

Right.

SPEAKER_04 23:14

Um and he needs to be okay being rejected, even when doing the right thing.

SPEAKER_02 23:18

Right.

SPEAKER_04 23:19

Rather than avoiding it because it's awkward, which I think that's where as a dad, wanting to help him be the best man that he can be, or future man that he can be, is my job to help, you know, pay, okay, respect the elder. Not trying to help them out. We need to pay attention over here. I'll be given a hard time by girls, go talk to her, son. Clearly your age, you can't look at each other all funny. And what about what? And that's that's the piece, is like that need to belong, peer support. But peers are important, but dad, mom, like that parental unity, that's more that can override the peer, like the peer pressures.

SPEAKER_01 24:03

Exactly. I know when my father's side of the family, when I met my cousins, Gerald and Patty and Pamela, uh, and and um oh, what's his name? I I can't think of his name right now. Boom. At any rate, when I met them and they accepted me, it's like I belong to that clan. I remember a friend of ours when Gerald came to visit, and uh we had a little get together at our home, and uh Cheryl, a friend of Florence, and she's a friend of mine as well, but Florence used to work with her, and Cheryl looked at me and uh she said, You belong to that clan. You know, and they just I was like, Yeah, you know, I belong I belong to that clan. She said I could see the features because she had a they had taken a picture of me and some of my first and second cousins. They were all in this picture, and she said, Yeah, that's your clan. You belong there. Yeah, you know, and that's something I had been searching for, you know, and wanting. It just made me feel good because it wasn't prompted, you know, it was just um her looking at me and she my identity and my features and looking at my cousin's pictures and saying, Yep, that's your clan.

SPEAKER_04 25:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

You know, that just that made me feel great.

SPEAKER_04 25:18

I know what you mean, because uh, you know, we I guess we basically call ourselves the strong swimmers. And my dad.

SPEAKER_01 25:27

The strong swimmer.

SPEAKER_04 25:28

Yeah. Yeah, my pops, you know, he's clearly very fertile. Um whatever they and we all look alike. So when you all the siblings get together, you'd be like, I know all the shades of color we got.

SPEAKER_01 25:40

Your brother comes across my Facebook page. Uh, and I look at him and I go, that's Josh's little brother. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 25:49

We all get together, no matter how the shades change or whatever, um, you can tell, oh yeah. And all other people are like, dang, boy. They tell my partner, you know, his name Bo. He goes by Bo. Dang, Bo. All your kids, man. They all look like, oh yeah, yeah, I got strong swimmers. And uh so we became the strong swimmers.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

You know, it reminds me of uh, it was um, I was watching uh this show, and this kid found his family, his father's family, and one of them, his father's brother who was raised by they had different moms, and for whatever reason, the father's his brother who was raised by his father, but his father had died, but he still spent time with his father, whereas the other kid did not. So when they got together, the kid who was raised with the father was jealous of that his new brother. He didn't really open and accept him. And and so he said to his brother, Well, we have nothing in common. And his mother said, Yes, you guys do. And he said, Well, what do we have in common, mom? He said, You both strong swimmers.

SPEAKER_04 27:03

That would have made me think of I gotta find it, but we we got us uh a logo somewhere. Because we're gonna joke like a baseball team, be the strong swimmers with the little baseball logo with the string. Maybe we could have our birth orders with the you know, just the worry of potentially a new one popping up, you know, you know, with all that 23and and all that out there. We might have to reorder the lineup.

SPEAKER_02 27:31

There you go.

Recap LaCrae Quote And Next Topic

SPEAKER_04 27:32

But um, but no, I mean I think that's major because you know, that need to belong, that if we can go up the list from three to one, one to three, we can go out of order, but it all really does point back to, you know, right the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 27:47

Exactly. So we again we are not gonna cover them all today. Today we talked about a identity crisis, you know, that happens for boys and girls, but again, we focused on boys today. They have an identity crisis if the dad is not in the home. And silent anger, we are angry because we don't feel loved, which we'll get into later. That's one of the side effects, not feeling loved. And also, we need to belong to something. I know I grew up in inner cities of Chicago, and gangs, gangs, gangs, gangs. And even if you interview prison inmates, they will tell you, I needed to belong. You know, that gang was my family, you know, and I didn't have my father. My mother worked, you know, my siblings, they did their own thing. I didn't feel like I belonged to anything. And so we gotta know who we are, and we're gonna, and as Christians, for me, I know who I am in Christ now, but I didn't then. You know, I was angry, I could have hit my father with a baseball bat until I wrote that book, and then all of a sudden my anger left, and I needed to belong. But number four, we're not gonna touch on today, but also we gotta be able to understand our own value. And we we we get a sense of our value from others, right? So we're gonna pick that up next time when we talk about when we do our podcast, The Father Factor.

SPEAKER_04 29:17

And I'm gonna leave y'all with a quote on that in that same vein. Um LaCrae, you know, a great artist, uh, said they say I'm good at bad things, but at least they're proud of me.

unknown 29:30

Right.

SPEAKER_04 29:31

Which kind of speaks to everything we just discussed.

SPEAKER_01 29:33

Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 29:35

So, no, I uh it was great to connect on those. I mean, of course, there's a lot of meat in these, so um Well, yeah, of course.

Closing Message And Listener Invite

SPEAKER_01 29:42

We we got a lot, we can cover this again and again and again, you know, especially in today and age. I there's so much, if you just watch television and listen, you have so many uh pe people that talk about their fathers and how their fathers impacted their lives. And I'm not saying that mothers don't, but somehow even girls, women, grown women will tell you the impact their inner relationship with their father has had on them. And that's why I tell you to you, dads, all your children are equally yours. You've been listening to the father factor. Until next time. Be safe, be a good father, be a good parent. Hey, thank you. This is Byron, the Father Factor Podcast. Thank you for listening. If you like what you heard, subscribe and share, and tell us your thoughts. We'd like to hear from you. Perhaps you can be on our show. And to the fathers out there, remember, all your children are equally yours.

SPEAKER_00 31:00

It's a morning most of the wheel more. Oh, it's a morning so wheel dog. Oh, it's a morning good to be the bo. Oh low, it's a ma. It's a ma.