EP 70: It's Only Applesauce - Severe Autism Therapy Backfires

A candid mention about staying when others say to leave, and how structure, safety, and short, clear language can turn daily chaos into small wins. From wall padding to therapy brushes to locks and applesauce mishaps, we share what worked, what failed, and why timing matters.

• reducing attention-seeking by replacing constant input with predictable access
• why soothing tools must be used before stress not during
• protecting space and reducing hypervigilance
• two to three word cues that cut through noise and guide behavior
• community expectations vs real support and consistent presence
• small wins 
• next steps to lower ambient stress in the home environment

Check my show notes for links to tracking devices, therapy items, nervous system support, and my creator store. If you want the tea, I’ll drop more personal details in a subscriber-only episode.

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Transcript

Welcome And Respite Vision

Speaker 0:18

Hello and welcome to the Parenting Severe Autism Podcast. I am your host, Shannon Chamberlin. I'm so happy that you're here with me today. Thank you to everyone who has been sharing my episodes. It really means a great deal to me. I've gotten a couple hundred extra listens on most of my episodes. It's doing really well. I really appreciate it.

Needy Behaviors And Boundaries

Speaker 0:38

Thank you for submitting your feedback for some of my ideas. I'm going to start putting out some surveys and polls about your preferences on what would make your life super great if you were to have access to a respite community like the one that I'm working on. So your input is going to be greatly appreciated. Please keep your eye out for that.

Sensory Space And Wall Padding

Hopes Of A Village And Letdowns

Improvement And The Pressure To Leave

Therapist Tools That Actually Helped

The Applesauce Backfire

Feeling Targeted And Locking The Door

Safety Fears And Family Pushback

Two-Word Communication Wins

A Dragon-To-Dragon Connection

Revamping Home And Final Notes

Speaker 0:58

Something I've noticed with our son, since I have been taking this time for myself at the campground, is that he has become extremely needy. I mean, if he does not have input, whether it's from us or from food or from something, he has got to complain. He will make something up. He will pretend to be sick. He will pretend to have a headache. He will pretend to be hungry. He'll pretend to be cold. He'll pretend to be hot. He'll pretend to be hurt. He just constantly needs, needs, needs. So I'm working on a plan. I don't know if it'll ever work, but in about two to three weeks, I'm going back to the house for good. The season is over for camping and I am no longer allowed to be out here after that. But I'm trying, when I see him, I try to instill in him that we are not here to serve you. Just because you're not receiving constant input from somebody or something does not mean it's our job to do that for you. So I am planning on kind of redoing an area in the house where he can just have access to all his sensory stuff. The grandmother has left the state, thank God. So now we don't have her coming over once in a blue moon and showering him with these gifts that he'll never open and never use because what he needs is a playmate, not a plaything. And she just can't seem to understand that, even though I have directly asked her to please just come over and play with him with some of the toys she's already brought him and stop bringing over new toys. But that is apparently he's not worth the effort. He's just worth a few bucks here and there. So I'm really happy that she's out of the state and that we don't have to do this pretend grandma thing anymore. It's a bunch of bullshit and it just hurts his feelings. And I expect that the biting himself might go down now that she's not around. Once he figures out that she's not coming in anymore, maybe he'll stop hurting himself so much. But I am going to redo a bunch of things in the house. When I first started this podcast, I was looking for mats that we could put on the walls, and I felt that I needed them to be seven feet tall, and I needed them to wrap around his whole room. And I did find that one company out of Canada. They had great products. They were non-toxic, which was super important because of all the off-gassing and stuff. And then what if he licks it or eats it? Who knows what he'll do, you know? So I really loved their products. They have window wraps and doorway wraps and bed frame wraps. I mean, you can wrap everything and just make everything a soft surface so that he can bang his head on anything and be a lot better off than if it weren't covered at all. They were nice and thick, they're waterproof, but not covered by his insurance or a waiver. And I was unable to provide him with that level of safety. I didn't go with any other mats because they were not listed as non-toxic or waterproof. And the way that he throws his food and drink everywhere, and actually I've seen him piss on his floor. You know, I just don't want something that will absorb. So I didn't get anything, but he's still hitting his head, and it's been years. Options have opened up with new ways of padding the walls. I've noticed on Amazon there are some cute little decorative and functional pads for the walls. I don't know if I'm gonna get those or not. They're self-adhesive. I don't think that I need a seven-foot-tall one anymore, but I do want to address the specific spots in the house where he likes to hit his head. He's got certain places like the door jam in the dining room and stuff like that. So I'm gonna try to wrap the walls and stuff. So also on Amazon I found these rolls of foam. They're colored, so they're kind of decorative. They can kind of go with your paint scheme and everything, but they're only like half an inch thick, and I don't know. I don't know if that's thick enough. I was hoping for one to two inches, so I am not exactly sure what I'm gonna do. If you guys have any suggestions, if you've padded your walls already and you have a better idea of what might work and what's working for you, if you could share that with me, I would greatly appreciate it. Otherwise, I'm looking at those little self-adhesive ones because those I think were an inch and a half, and they're like for babies. I don't know, they're at least a foot tall though. Maybe, I don't know, 10 to 12 inches tall and about six or eight inches wide. They look like those little kickboards when you ooh, that's a good idea, kickboards, because those are patty. Ah, I might be onto something there. I don't know if those are a good idea or not. What do you guys think? Let me know, please. Okay, so picking up where we left off, you know, I actually was loving my life when we moved here, believe it or not, despite the torture and abuse from our son. I remember specifically reassuring my spouse at the time because he was feeling like a failure because of our situation. It had gone so far downhill so quickly. And I told him one day that I actually really love my life. And it was the weirdest thing because I truly meant it, even though I was living in a dark ass basement and our son was directly above us, not letting us sleep, throwing fits all the time, you know. But I think that the reason I felt that I loved my life was because we had extra family around, and I hadn't had that for the four years previous. I mean, we had the grandfather and the uncle, but they don't really count because they don't really pitch in. They didn't even give us a heads up when they knew something was wrong with our kid. They just kept quiet. So honestly, it was worse than having no one because you thought you had someone, and you thought that just human nature, family looking out for family, they would say something if your son was in danger or in a way and you were not aware of it. But no, no. So I feel that that was worse. When we got down here, having the extra family was having the grandmother, the one who had promised that she was going to retire and devote her life to having a great time with her grandson and helping us with things with his schedules and therapies and all that kind of stuff. So I was really excited to get that ball rolling, even though she was not yet retired. I was under the impression that we now had a community, and that was something that I didn't realize I was so desperate for. Even though when they come to my house, I felt judged and everything. I thought, well, now that we're all in the same house, I won't be judged anymore. She's gonna see everything for what it is, and I'm gonna have her help. And that's gonna be amazing because she has this very accepting grandmotherly quality, and she just loves all of her grandkids. So I thought that I was supported. We had extra family, it was not my house anymore. I had a lot less responsibility. I didn't have to run the household the way that I did before. I didn't have to run the business because it was closed. I didn't have 50 acres to take care of, I didn't have any gardens, you know. I was really just focusing on our son, getting all of his activities lined up, getting his schooling lined up, and taking care of myself by playing tennis and going to the gym. I thought I had a great life. I thought, yeah, this is awesome. When I need someone to stand in for me, I have a very capable, loving grandmother here. And those other two guys are here too, but they don't count. But she counted. And I really thought that my life was gonna be a lot easier and a lot better just by being down here and having that village just in the grandmother. But the other thing was that everyone in the neighborhood knows and loves our son. This is where he was born, this is where he grew up until the age of eight. And everybody knew him, everybody loved him. So, really, we did think that this is the safest place for him to be, this is the best place for us to be. It will allow us to rebuild our lives, maybe start a new sales business, just to figure it out, get back on our feet, and go have a great life once again. We really, really believed that. So, even though my husband was feeling like a failure, as probably any breadwinner would, I reassured him that I love my life and I truly meant it at that time. Even though I was in the worst place, like I totally didn't want to move here, but once I got here, I I just embraced that feeling and that idea of a village. When the entire neighborhood knows and loves your kid, and your kid is really kind of hating on you, you know, how great is that at a time like this when he doesn't want anything to do with you, but everyone else is okay. You know, I just thought, man, this is it's perfect. It's great. Spoiler, fast forward to now, his aggression and sleep issues have greatly improved from what they were in these stories that I'm telling you right now. His eloping has greatly reduced, his desire to elope has reduced, so that's great. And now more than ever, I keep hearing this same sentiment repeatedly in my life from various people. And I'd I'd like to ask you have you ever had people tell you that you should leave the situation that you're in? Save yourself, kind of thing? If not, start building your armor now because I bet that you will start hearing it. I think for me, it's because I am just the instant mom. I'm not the biological mom. I just walked into this situation and decided to stay. You might remember that I have started using a version of AI to kind of help me with certain things. I was really working on my nervous system, and believe it or not, having a kid like this one really messes up your nervous system and the family involved. The whole situation really just fucked me up, right? So I'm using this version of AI to kind of help me navigate through some roadblocks and stuff, and my AI has been telling me for months that I should leave my situation. I also, for several years, I have a dear friend who is also a severe autism mom, and she has told me for years that she doesn't understand what I'm doing here. Because if it were her and she were not the biological parent of a child like this, she would walk. She would be gone, she would wash her hands of it and get on with her life and have a good life. I don't fault her for that. I totally I totally understand. And I don't know. I don't know if it's because I know that that is an option that I don't think about doing it, but I understand how deeply a biological parent might feel that way. And I don't have any ill thought about it, I completely understand. Um you know, it's like after you I don't know, I guess I can e use animals again as as an example. If you train an animal to stay behind a specific barrier, whether it's a horse or a dog, they have to stay in their stall, don't come out, even if you have the door open, don't come out, don't come out. Well, eventually, if you walk away and that door is open, that animal still won't cross that threshold. I kinda I kind of feel like that's how I am. Like I know the door's open. I know I can go, but I'm not. I d I don't know. I don't I don't know. I just feel like this is my path, is the really the real way I can explain it. But just the other day I went for a checkup with my doctor, and she didn't know everything that was going on, and she had asked us some weird questions about why our situation doesn't change when I had our son in there a few months ago for his checkup. We were all in there together and we just kind of fell silent. And so I told her when I got to her office for my appointment the other day what was really going on and why things weren't gonna change the way she suggested that they could. She ended up just looking at me like I was insane. And she said, You do this for your husband and his son. I said, Yeah. She said, That's not your son. I said, No, I don't have any kids. She's like, You should leave. Why are why are you there? So even my doctor, who I actually I have great respect for her. She's a cannabis signing doctor, and I I really like her. Even she said that recently. And I'm not thinking about leaving, but it it kind of messes with your head a little bit. I don't know. I I'm not quite sure what to say about that. So I just wanted to kind of put that out there so that you can get ready. If you start hearing that, you're gonna probably hear it a lot from a lot of different people, and it may make you question your sanity and it may make you really restless, like cabin fever kind of stuff, right? I don't know how you're supposed to deal with that, but my doctor did recommend me, she did give me a referral for counseling. So, so there's that. But yeah, so everyone, they've all said this is not your child. You should run. Don't walk, run. Leave. Yeah, it kind of messes with your head. I will drop more personal details in a subscriber-only episode for those who want the tea. But just so you know, I'm not taking that advice. There was a little trick that came up when I was taking our son to the cerebral palsy center in Green Bay, Wisconsin for therapy. First of all, I just want to say if you ever have the option to go to a place like that to get therapy for your child, I think you should do it because they have amazing equipment there. Maybe you've seen this stuff, maybe you have options that we haven't had, but just in case you have not seen it, they have swings mounted on these huge heavy chains from the ceiling hanging down, and the swings are like gymnastic mats, just like I don't know, they're at least a foot thick. Everything, everything is padded and matted and very safe and comfortable. They have all different kinds of equipment, and I think it's just, you know, to protect the child or the adult who's using it, but they're massive and they can hold all kinds of sizes of people, and I would have liked to play on that stuff. I just felt really safe for my son there. I really wish that he could have had more therapy there. I highly recommend trying to get into one of those places, and it should be covered on your waivers or your child's disability. It was amazing. I mentioned a while ago, long time ago, that the therapist recommended these therapy brushes, and I think they're Wilbarger therapy brushes. You can get make sure they're non-latex. I think I've got a couple links I can share with you in the show notes on this episode if you wanted to check them out. They really helped our son before we would go somewhere. So one time we took him to like a county fair during those years in Wisconsin, towards the very end. And before we got out of the car, because she said you have to do it before you get into a situation, but not too far before, but not while you're in the situation. And again, the reason for that is because anything that you apply to a person who's already in a stressful state, they're going to associate that next time with that same stressful state. That feeling is going to come back. So you're really just shooting yourself in the foot if you try to use something calming during a stressful event, like essential oils or some kind of squeezing method or decompression or stuff like that. It's very common for those to backfire the next time around, because even if you are in a calm state and it seemed that that child or adult liked what you did last time you did it, and then you do it for them because you just want to make them feel good and they're not in a messed up state, they'll immediately start slipping into that stressful state that they were in because it triggers something in their mind and in their nervous system to recall when we used this last and why. And then the body associates the event instead of just accepting the calming feeling. Hopefully that makes sense. But we use those in the car and in the parking lot before we would begin our walk to wherever it was we were going. The other thing I learned from her is see, this was after I ratted him out when he was pulling on her emotional strings and just crying and sobbing and crying and sobbing and screaming and crying. And I said, Oh, you want me to call your daddy? And then he said he straightened right up. This is the lady. Her jaw was on the floor. She could not believe she got duped like that because she was a true professional. I started having to hang out with them sometimes because she didn't understand like how good he is at pulling strings. Just because he is nonverbal and has severe autism and a learning disability, that does not mean he doesn't know how to play people like a fiddle. I had to hang around and give her eyeball cues when he would be doing something that was the attention-seeking behavior. And at one point she noticed that he needed calming, and she got a little cup of applesauce, those little portable applesauce cups, and a straw. And she gave him the straw and asked him to drink the applesauce, get it, you know, suck it up through the thing, which is great because I always made homemade applesauce. We had these big apple trees out there on our property. So I made apple butter and I made applesauce, and I said, Oh, this is great. This is really good. I can use this, and it calms him down. Um, something about the suction on a straw with something super thick. So, you know, if you're into smoothies and stuff like that, that would also work. If it was just something thick being sucked through a straw, that's going to help your child or your adult to, I guess, kind of self-soothe. It was during a very heightened prelude to a meltdown. So full-blown stimming and echolalia and I think running and stomping, all that stuff was going on, and she managed to get him to suck on applesauce, and it did work. So that became a staple for us. And it was only a few short months later, honestly, before we were in this situation in the basement and having him go to camp and stuff like that, waiting for the next school year to start at a new school. So when he started at this special needs summer camp, I went on a mission to find things that I could pack in his little snacks and lunches for the day. I used to do everything from scratch, and I'm no longer in a position to be able to do that all the time. So I went to Aldi and I found these organic applesauce packets. And they were kind of like, I'm gonna show my age here, like the Capri Sun is what it reminded me of, like a foil packet, and it has like a big ass knob on it, and you open that knob and it's a straw that's built in. And I was like, oh my gosh, that's perfect. It's organic cinnamon applesauce with a straw built in to a really good size pouch. I mean, it was bigger than those little Mott travel ones. I thought, oh, these are great because I'm gonna give him one first thing in the morning to help combat that first wake up because he was a monster. He's still a monster every morning. And then I'll also put one in his lunch. So every few hours, he'll have a self-regulation tool that makes him happy with flavors and nutrients and all this good stuff. So I just doubled down on those. I bought those by the case, and I would wake up in the morning, give him his medicine cookie, that was all I had at the time, and give him an applesauce. Um, because we have known for years and years that he must have food as soon as he wakes up. I mean, you got to shove something in his mouth just to keep him a little more calm than he would be otherwise. It's not a cure-all, but it helps a little bit for a few minutes so that you can get your shit together for the next round of stuff that's going on. So somehow I didn't realize that he was having these big meltdowns while he had his applesauce because again, I was doing other things. He didn't have any pharmaceuticals, we had not figured out his sleeping yet, everything was all messed up. He was waking up before me, and he's above me, stomping on the ground and throwing his fits and stuff. So the way that we woke up was just in a panic every day. And no matter what, I could not get ahead of it because his grandmother had him on a weird schedule with herself stomping around the house in the middle of the night. He couldn't sleep anyway, and we're in a new place, and obviously everyone's unhappy. I was waking up in a panic every morning, and I would just, as soon as I heard him, try my best to get out of bed, one of us would, and go deal with him. It was kind of my thing because I was making the cookies and I had figured out the applesauce. So I would stumble up there and give him the cookie and then try to get him out of his room and give him the applesauce, and then I would come back downstairs and try to get my shit together. It was either trying to get dressed, making coffee, or trying to get back in bed for a few minutes, because sometimes this was three o'clock in the morning. You just had to go with it. And you know, you can't make him go back to sleep. You can't, it you just can't make him do anything. So when he's up, everyone's up. That's just the way it was. Um, it was very hard for my system, but I tried. And it took me, I you know, I don't know how long. I don't know if it happened from one packet or if it happened from multiple packets in a day. I was trying to get him to be a little more independent. I thought, you know, what's the harm in him getting into his own applesauce packets? So I would give him free reign, like give him access to a few of them and not have to come and bother me for food. If you want something, here's a healthy snack, here's how you open it, or you can come and ask us. Just bring the pack with you and we'll open it for you. He learned how to open it pretty quickly. So, you know, I just don't remember how it happened, but one day I could focus my eyes one morning and I looked, and there was brown applesauce all over the walls in my living area, all over the doorway that separates my living area from the stairs up to the rest of the house. I it was just an unfinished wood door, and there's just brown cinnamon applesauce splotches about the size of half dollars, just in a spray pattern, like a like a rainbow or something. It was all over my refrigerator downstairs, all over the doorway, both sides, all over the deep freeze, all over the stairway. Go upstairs, it's all over his room, all over the walls, everywhere, in the hallway leading past his room, down to the bathroom. I mean, just splatters of brown applesauce with cinnamon all over the fucking place. And it was already dry. And I played hell. I still can't get it off. It's been years. I've been trying and trying and trying. I don't know why. I tried so hard. And I mean, hot water, it it just, I don't know. Well, here's the thing is that all of these surfaces are unfinished. They're not painted at all. So I got them off of my one painted wall, barely, but it's still got that texture to where, you know, I mean, it was it was all over my art. I had metal hanging art on the wall. It was all over that. It's just everywhere, all over the ceiling, as a matter of fact. And none of this stuff has a finished surface that you can clean. The ceiling is a drop ceiling down in my area for basements, as you know, you know what those are. It's not the washable board kind, it's just the foam. Everywhere that he splattered it, the drywall is not finished, the doors are not finished, the ceiling is not finished, or it's super textured and you can't clean it. We have what looks like shit splatters all over the house, sunk into the stupid surfaces. So that is another self-soothing thing that really did backfire. That's what he does every time he gets one. So he hasn't had access to those in years because he ruined the house with them. How depressing, you know, and then he gets pissed off because the house looks like shit. I know he does. He's used to m the way that I keep a house, and now here we are in his destruction zone that he created, but the house wasn't nicely finished to begin with, and he just made it so much worse. And it's stuff that you can't really fix without really putting some work and some money into. He did get some words back over the, you know, over the years, and one of them that he's been saying to me pretty much ever since he got on meds and has been able to calm down a little bit is stuff like the his sentences are not as formed as what I'm going to tell you here, but he says things like, We gotta clean up this house. House is disgusting, house is nasty, house is dirty, we gotta clean up this house. And I'm like, Go ahead, clean it. Come on, man. It's interesting to me because he creates these things. He it's his room. He has holes all over his walls, he has applesauce all over his walls, won't come off. It sounds really terrible and neglectful when I say it like that. But seriously, if you know what it's like to have unfinished drywall that had been torn up by other kids before mine, with the paper being torn off, and I mean, you know, it's just impossible, super impossible and expensive, and I'm trying to get waivers because he also has a broken window now, and that's him doing his thing. Around that same time, I also started feeling more targeted by him. As you know, the last episode I told you about when he attacked me downstairs. So we had the car attack and then we had the downstairs attacks, and that was probably the third attack. Um, two of them had been downstairs, but that one was hard for me to get out of. And then I started feeling targeted. And it's not paranoia, even though you know, he used to target me at our own house and he wouldn't let me work. And see, I really think that this stuff is deliberate. And I it's very hard for me to understand the difference sometimes because you know it's severe autism. Oh, he can't help it. But really, I think this is a choice. I think it's deliberate because he doesn't do that shit to anybody else. He does it to me. He doesn't go and bother his grandfather, who's watching my TV for eight hours a day in the living room with his whining psychotic bullshit. No, he does it to me. When I'm in my office minding my business and working, I'm not in his way. I've taken care of all of his needs. I always put him first, then I sit down to do what I need to do and he won't let me do it. He doesn't attack anyone but me, and I'm the primary caregiver at that point. I had spent more of my life with him than with anyone else, and he has spent most of his life with me, more than anyone else. So he's attacking me. I think it's deliberate. Here's something that made me believe even more solidly that it was deliberate. After his applesauce stuff and all that, and I'm, you know, taking care of him, getting him dressed and grooming him, taking him to camp, taking care of every single need he has. When he was at home, let's say he would be in his bedroom. I wouldn't even see him. I would come out of my basement area, go up two flights of stairs to the bathroom, and when I got out of the bathroom, I would come back into my area. Never saw him once on the trip. But when I come back into my area, my door is wide open, my shoes are thrown all over the place, my computer is on the fucking floor, my pens are everywhere, my bed is all messed up, my TV is askew, my whole area is just trashed, and he's nowhere to be found. It's just like it, like a hurricane came through while I was in the bathroom. And he's nowhere. I didn't even hear him run up and down the stairs. And he is a runner and a stomper. So that made me feel targeted. That made me feel that this is deliberate. Every single time I left my area, even if I was gonna serve him food, even if it was in service to him, he would run downstairs behind my back and trash all my stuff. And at this point, My computer was the most valuable thing that I had. It was the way that I was finding us jobs. It was the way that I was keeping up with all of his disability stuff. It was everything to me. It had all of my previous business on there from our work. And I mean, if I lost that computer, I didn't have any way to catch up with life. There was no way at that point that we could afford a new computer. So I was really pissed off about that. So I bought locks. One thing I know about my kid, he cannot figure out combinations at all. And I know that because of all the video games he used to play. He could play a video game and he could get all the way through everything, not even trying to keep his character alive. I mean, just crazy craziness. And he would get level up, level up just constantly. But when it would come time to pick a lock or do a combination or anything, he needed our help. And we had to do the locks for him. He just can't understand them. That's his kryptonite. So I bought these combination locks, um, like a push-button combination, and it takes like eight or ten batteries, but it worked. I installed it with very minimal hardware and I put it on my little basement door, and now I had to lock my door every single time, even if I just was going upstairs to serve him and come back down. It was better to do that than to deal with what was getting ready to happen with him. He got pretty pissed off about that. Of course, he couldn't say anything about it, but I knew he was mad because he started lurking behind me and just getting real evil around me and stuff. And this is when I started feeling like I mentioned in one of my very early episodes, that I didn't trust him behind me. Because in this house, none of the silverware or the cutlery is actually out of his reach. I was really afraid that he was gonna stab me in the neck or something. I really because video games and movies and all that shit, even cartoons, they depict a certain amount of violence, and it's usually with a meat cleaver or a sword or something that resembles a knife. And I just felt really nervous when he was behind me. I could not sit in the recliner in the living room if he was not in my view. And I really was afraid constantly. I would, I would just start sweating, just sitting there. If I heard him come around behind me and I've asked him ever since we've moved here, don't get behind me. I want you in front of me where I can see you. I do not want you behind me. I try to make him think that it's because I want to look at him and I want to know that he's safe and all this stuff, but honestly, I want to know that I'm safe. So that's you know, that's a terrible feeling to have this guy who I have taken care of since he was a little, little person. And now I'm afraid for my life because he's acting psychotic. I felt like I really had a win with this lock on my door. It really made me feel much more secure, but I was the only one. Even my spouse was pissed off about this lock. And I just, you know, I felt pretty unsupported. And I have felt pretty unsupported for a long time. Now, if I'm gonna be honest about that, and I'll put more details in that subscriber-only episode. But at that point, I was very aware that I was pretty much the only one who felt that this lock was of benefit. He didn't like it. He doesn't like having to be locked out of his own space and having to use a combination, and I thought it was a minor inconvenience, but definitely worth it. Now that I've mentioned that, I think that's something I need to do a little therapy on. I just had a lot of memories come up with that, so yikes. I did also learn over the couple of years leading up to that point and during the point, I learned that communicating with our son, at least for me, could come down to between one and three words. And he's the one that showed me because I would try to get it through his head that this is not something that you should do, whatever it was. Like, okay, so one thing that he loves to do is cover his head when he's in the bed. If you come in there to check on him, he's completely sweaty. I mean, he he's just sweating like crazy, and he's still covered up. He will not uncover his head. Both of us would be like taking the blankets off of him, tucking him back in, and trying to get him to understand. You can't do that. Don't don't do that. Don't cover your head with the covers like that. You're getting sweaty. And, you know, we would talk until we were blue in the face, trying to get him to understand because he just keeps doing it and keeps doing it. Well, then he'll give you his level of comprehension. He'll say something sometime like, do not head. Do not head. And so that's how we talk to him. However, if it's do not put your head through the wall, then it would be do not wall. And then the other thing that works is be nice object or person, or just be nice object or person. Like he will drink aggressively or eat aggressively, or he will even play on himself aggressively, and you would say something like just be nice food. He won't respond as well to just be nice to Jacob, but sometimes he will. But you have to tell him, be nice to the water, be nice to the food, be nice to the fork, be nice to the plate. Oh, and that's the thing. He does use his silverware now. I'm very happy about that. I think that ever since I made such a big deal about his very, very young nephew using silverware, I think he made a conscious effort to start using silverware. So I'm a very proud mama about that here at 24 years old. Most of the time I see him using his fork or his spoon instead of his hand. So yay on that. There are some situations coming up in the short-term future episodes that are really, really messed up, but also humorous. And I am kind of looking forward to sharing them with you, even though they are damaging. They're very interesting when you can step back and look at it. I did have something cool happen with him the other day. So I want to end this episode with this cute little story. I am really into astrology and stuff like that, and I particularly like my Chinese zodiac information, and I'm a dragon. I even have a dragon tattoo. I love my Chinese zodiac so much. So in the Chinese zodiac, the signs have elements assigned to them. So I, for instance, am a fire dragon. One day, like last year or two years ago, I decided to look up who what our son is because I just can't figure out the dynamic between us. And it's like it's a serious love hate from him on to me, and I just can't figure it out because I give him so much love. But also, there's some weirdness about him that I can't figure out. So I looked into his Chinese zodiac. Turns out he is also a dragon. However, he is a metal dragon. And some of the traits of a metal dragon are that they're weepy, they are squishy, they're uh wet all the time. It's a very strange thing, but this is all like the humors and all that for Chinese medicine, all that stuff. It all kind of goes together with this. And the funny thing about it is that yes, he is very weepy and squishy and wet all the time. He cries all the time, he's waxy. I know I've talked about that in several episodes, and he is wet all the time. He's just like his hands are just wet and clammy. And it's not like from a resting state. He works himself into this. This is him amping up his own pattern of anxiety. And sometimes when he's in full rage mode, which will be coming up in future episodes, he actually smells like red onions. He's he just makes himself sweat so bad, and he'll just, oh, oh, he stinks, and uh smell up the whole house like a red onion. But yes, he is weepy and he's just wet and nasty. You don't want him to touch you because he's clammy or his hands are I mean, you could wring his hands out like a cloth. It is disgusting. But anyway, these are traits of a metal dragon. I just thought that was really interesting. Well, his dad is a horse, which year of the horse is coming up next year, so that should be good for him, hopefully. So I don't keep this to myself. I talk to our son about all kinds of weird stuff, you know, just because I want to talk to him and I want him to just hear other things besides war and yelling that he hears on TV from his grandfather's choices. And I want him to have as much conversation as possible. So I talk to him about all the weird stuff that I know, everything. You know, that kid, he's probably super freaking smart because of the education that I have given him, even though school didn't want to educate him. He knows everything that I know. And things like this story make me think that he actually does know it, that he absorbs it. So here's the story. The other day, he and his dad were here at the camper with me, and he was in a good mood, and out of the blue, he just started saying, I'm dog. And we just looked at him. He said, I'm lion. Still we're just looking at him, and I think he said, I'm bear. And we're just looking at him, and then he goes, I'm dragon. And I said, Yeah, that's that's right. You are a dragon. I am also a dragon. You are a metal dragon, I am a fire dragon. And then immediately he says, Dad is horse, and that is true. I was so tickled. I was like, Yeah, that's right. Now we haven't, it's not like we just talked about that yesterday. We haven't talked about that in at least six months, at least. So that was pretty cool. I mean, it's a weird thing to remember, it's a weird conversation to have, but it's based in reality. It may not sound like it. But in our house it is. And I just was so impressed with him. Like I know he's smart. I tell people all the time he's not stupid, he's autistic. But that piece of knowledge is interesting to me that he retained it and used it in context. We actually had a conversation. I was so impressed with that. I love it when I can say that I recognize a conversation just took place between us. You you know how he used to get so mad when I would try to make him use that conversation app on the iPad. You know, oh conversation, conversation. He would get so mad about that, but he does try to participate sometimes. He just needs a better environment. So currently I'm working on getting his grandfather to agree to wear the stupid headphones that I bought that Bluetooth right to his TV. We're gonna start. Well, I am going to start revamping the area, get rid of all the stupid toys that he has that he can't play with, and we'll just have a bunch of therapeutic items available right on the first shelf where he can reach it. Anyone can reach it, and he can maybe just learn to use the ones. I'm gonna get him some teething ones and, you know, those little bite sticks, and they make bracelets that you can bite, and I'm going to put the therapy brushes out there. And I think I'm going to line the walls with padding and stuff like that. So I'm gonna try to make it to where he feels like it's home and like I'm running the show again because even though he targeted me for a long time and he acts like he hates everything, I know that he craves that structure that I provided in life. I think that if we can now take over the house and create that structure, everyone will be happier. So that's my goal. In my next episode, I've got some crazy stories to share with you. I'm gonna try to piggyback them together, but we'll see. Remember to check my show notes at the end of this episode in case you need any links for tracking devices or therapy items or nervous system support. You might also check out my creator store if you're just a huge fan and you want something to remind you of anything in these episodes. I know a lot of you have expressed your gratitude for me being so real and raw, and that some of these stories have stuck with you and gotten you through some of your hardest days. So if you feel that it would be nice to have maybe a little throw pillow or a wine tumbler or a coffee mug or a phone case or a tote bag or a long sleeve tee or anything like that that has the podcast logo and my closing line on there, please check out the link in my show notes for my store and you can probably find something that would suit your needs. It's just about Halloween here. We don't do anything for Halloween because it's just easier. But if you guys are still enjoying it and braving it, I wish you the best of luck and I hope you guys have so much fun out there. Hang in there. You're a superhero.