Have you ever found yourself doing all the right things but you just can't seem to move forward and achieve that goal?
Externally you're checking all the right boxes and doing what is required.
BUT on a subconscious level, you might have blindspots or fears holding you back.
Our guest in this week's episode of The Career Confidence Podcast, shares how you can be an exceptional leader by uncovering your blindspots.
Karim Boktor is a hypnotherapist for leadership and businesses. In his TEDx talk titled ‘Overcoming Your Inner Stutter’, Karim shares a compelling journey of overcoming his stutter which held him back as a child to now helping businesses and community leaders to address their "Inner Stutter." His story of transformation is inspiring, from “that boy [in the schoolyard] with the Stutter” to now coaching entrepreneurs and business leaders, and speaking on stages around the world.
Karim holds an MBA and after years of coaching entrepreneurs and small business owners, he recognised the biggest problem in business was not ‘the bus’ (i.e. the business systems and processes) but the ‘bus driver.’ He then undertook further study and formal training in Neuro Linguistic Programming as well as Hypnotherapy. From this expertise, he developed ‘The Boktor Method™’ which combines hypnotherapy with business coaching to help each client move forward and to new levels of success.
In this episode Karim and I talk about:
We talk about this and so much more.
This episode will challenge you to go within and ask yourself the important questions so you can uncover your blindspots and create the life you want.
Let's dive into this episode!
Connect with our Guest:
Website: https://www.karimboktor.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/karim.boktor?mibextid=tPfjzR
Instagram: @karimboktor
Book a 30 min free call with Karim HERE.
Grab your free e-book (10 things) HERE.
Connect with the host:
Website: https://marijaduka.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/marija-duka/
Instagram: @marija.duka
Join The Unbound Lawyer Program HERE.
Have you ever found yourself doing all the right things but you just can't seem to move forward and achieve that goal?
Externally you're checking all the right boxes and doing what is required.
BUT on a subconscious level, you might have blindspots or fears holding you back.
Our guest in this week's episode of The Career Confidence Podcast, shares how you can be an exceptional leader by uncovering your blindspots.
Karim Boktor is a hypnotherapist for leadership and businesses. In his TEDx talk titled ‘Overcoming Your Inner Stutter’, Karim shares a compelling journey of overcoming his stutter which held him back as a child to now helping businesses and community leaders to address their "Inner Stutter." His story of transformation is inspiring, from “that boy [in the schoolyard] with the Stutter” to now coaching entrepreneurs and business leaders, and speaking on stages around the world.
Karim holds an MBA and after years of coaching entrepreneurs and small business owners, he recognised the biggest problem in business was not ‘the bus’ (i.e. the business systems and processes) but the ‘bus driver.’ He then undertook further study and formal training in Neuro Linguistic Programming as well as Hypnotherapy. From this expertise, he developed ‘The Boktor Method™’ which combines hypnotherapy with business coaching to help each client move forward and to new levels of success.
In this episode Karim and I talk about:
We talk about this and so much more.
This episode will challenge you to go within and ask yourself the important questions so you can uncover your blindspots and create the life you want.
Let's dive into this episode!
Connect with our Guest:
Website: https://www.karimboktor.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/karim.boktor?mibextid=tPfjzR
Instagram: @karimboktor
Book a 30 min free call with Karim HERE.
Grab your free e-book (10 things) HERE.
Connect with the host:
Website: https://marijaduka.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/marija-duka/
Instagram: @marija.duka
Join The Unbound Lawyer Program HERE.
Welcome to the Career Confidence Podcast, the podcast for driven lawyers wanting to step out of the traditional path and build fulfilling and purposeful careers. I'm your host, maria Ducar, legal counsel and career coach, helping you navigate your career with intention and confidence. In this podcast, we don't show away from having real conversations about topics that matter to us. Driven AF go-getters From manifesting your dream career, negotiating the salary you deserve, creating your personal brand, knowing when it's time to pivot. We cover these topics and so much more. You ready, let's dive into today's episode.
Speaker 1:Have you ever found yourself doing all the right things, but you just can't seem to move the needle forward and achieve that goal? Externally, you're checking all the right boxes and doing what is required, and you keep racking your brain, thinking what am I missing here? But did you know that we all possess, on a subconscious level, these blind spots or fears that could actually be holding us back? So it might not be the external things that you're doing that's holding you back, but rather those internal blockages that you need to uncover so that you're able to move forward. Our guest today will be sharing about how you can be an exceptional leader by uncovering your blind spots.
Speaker 1:Karim Bhokta is a hypnotherapist for leadership and businesses. In his TEDx talk title, overcoming your Inner Stutter, karim shares a compelling journey of overcoming his stutter, which held him back as a child, to now helping businesses and community leaders to address the inner stutter. Historia transformation is inspiring from that boy in the schoolyard with the stutter to now coaching entrepreneurs and business leaders and speaking on stages around the world. Karim holds an MBA and after years of coaching entrepreneurs and small business owners, he recognised the biggest problem in business was not the bus, for example, the business systems and processes just like I said at the top of this introduction, in terms of he could be doing all the right things but the actual bus driver itself. He then undertook further study and formally trained in neuro-linguistic programming as well as hypnotherapy. From his expertise, he developed the Bhokta method, which combines hypnotherapy with business coaching to help each client move forward to new levels of success.
Speaker 1:In this episode, karim and I talk about how accessing your subconscious can uncover your blind spots and fears so you can move forward and achieve your goals. How to navigate through change and seeing change as the catalyst for you to living the life and career that you want. Seeing things in a different perspective, as a leader, so that you're not making decisions based on information bias. We talk about this and so much more. I know that this episode will challenge you to go within and ask yourself the important questions so that you can uncover your own blind spots and create the life that you truly want. Now, without further ado, let's dive into this episode and meet Karim Hi Karim, welcome to the Career Confidence podcast. I'm so excited to be here with you today and learn more about what you do with hypnotherapy. Yeah, I'm just so excited.
Speaker 2:Thanks for having me. It's always a topic of interest when I mention hypnotherapy. There's a lot of curiosity and intrigue whenever I mention it.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I feel like I'm going to learn a lot from today's conversation, and my audience will too. So would you tell our listeners who Karim is and what it is that you do?
Speaker 2:I'm a leadership hypnotherapist, so people are like hang on.
Speaker 1:What is that exactly?
Speaker 2:What is that exactly Right? Yeah, I'm the person who understands leadership qualities, but then who's someone who understands that? Okay, so then what? So, once we understand someone's blind spots, really understanding human behavior, people's blind spots, and then resolving it through my Boptor Method, hypnotherapy Amazing.
Speaker 2:Because, there's a lot of people out there, or coaches out there, who can coach you and what I like to call talk therapy. Talk therapy is great, it's good. You work more with the subconscious. Subconscious mind is believed to control 90 to 95% of your automatic behaviors, your thoughts, all those types of things. So, while talk therapy is great, it doesn't get to the subconscious and it doesn't get to the root cause of why you do something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's important because a lot of my audience, their lawyers, they're in positions of leadership or wanting to move into positions of leadership, and, as people in general, we all have limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome that comes up and things that, as you said, in the subconscious mind that we are not necessarily aware of, that is stopping us from achieving the goals that we want to achieve. So, in the line of work that you do, what are some common fears or blind spots that come up and how are these stopping people from thriving in their life and moving forward with their goals?
Speaker 2:So I like to bring it back to simplicity. So I really work on five key emotions that are holding people back. So, whether people know it or not, we are driven by our emotions. All our decisions and behaviors are driven by our emotions. Those five key emotions are anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt. Now, out of those five emotions, fear would have to be one of the biggest ones that are holding people back. So fear is the one that really controls. Self-sabotage or limiting beliefs, all those types of things is the driving force. So if there was a common thing, it would be fear, the emotion of fear of everything else that comes under it, like what you said limiting beliefs, self-sabotage, etc.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and someone that is like, let's say, has like a fear of maybe not being good enough. I know that's something that a lot of people in my community face with, face off with, and that's something that I've dealt with in the past as well, and it comes up as well as you have new challenges in life. How would you, I guess, help someone move through this type of limitation, so that that person can then feel more confidence in themselves to just go for the job or go for your opportunity? What are some things that you would focus on with that client? I guess?
Speaker 2:First I like to take them through the first part of my program, what I like to call Connecting the Dots. So this isn't like when someone comes to me and says, hey, karima, I've got this thing, that I'm not good enough for this position, or I usually take it back to their childhood. So in the imprint stage of zero to seven, this is where children create their map of the world and it sort of creates their lens moving forward, ongoing into their life, including, you know, early childhood, adulthood and so forth, and this now becomes part of their character. I first take them through to Connecting the Dots and I really understand what happened. Maybe they were bullied at school and you know kids were telling them that you can't play with us. So in that moment their map of the world was I'm not good enough to play with the other kids, right. And this has now stuck with them for all their life.
Speaker 2:Another inner position in their life when they're adults where they can play with the other kids, right. It's all symbolic, but because their mind says, oh my gosh, there's a fear here. I'm not good enough for this position. This could be one of the reasons. I mean it could be like a multiple reasons, but this is just an example. And then we go back and we use the Bogtor method, which is my method of advanced hypnotherapy techniques, and we resolve it. We tell a different story and then in a matter of hours it gives people that confidence again to do what they need to do.
Speaker 1:And with hypnotherapy, I'm really curious like what? Exactly like what, how? How does this happen? Like how and I know it's probably one of those things that you need to experience in order to feel and see the changes just like meditation, right? Because with meditation it's like, if you explain it in a simple way, it's sitting there, you know, trying to either maybe focus on one thing or trying to clear your thoughts, but the outcome, like it's incredible, but you don't really see it until you can truly feel it yourself. With hypnotherapy, like what is it? Is it like an affirmation? Is it like a, I don't know, like a word that you use to like rewire the thinking?
Speaker 2:So great question. Yeah, before I got into this, I was like dude, I mean like I'm an Arab guy, right. So like before I was getting into this, I'm like no one's hypnotizing me. You know what I mean. No one's going to make me cluck like a chicken, no one's going to make me do stuff that I don't want to do. These are all the common things that people think because it's what they see on TV and all that and all that type of thing. So I totally get it Right. So what is hypnotherapy? It's hypnotherapy is. I mean, we all, without us even knowing it, everyone is constantly bombarded with hypnotherapy on a day to day basis. So when you wake up, right, and you're constantly seeing ads on TV, they're changing your state and they're trying to move your emotion, to make you buy something Right. Or, as an example, do you remember that time when you watched a movie and you were moved by a certain scene? It either made you cry, it made you scream because it was scary, or it made you laugh.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right, but mine doesn't know real from not real. When you're watching something, if you think about it, you're really watching a box, you're really watching actors act out a scene, right. But you believe it in that moment and you are being hypnotized to either cry to either laugh and believe whatever it is that they need you to believe. So people tell me, karim, I can't be hypnotized. I'm like are you sure? How did you know? You know to buy your car, how did you know that you had to buy the address, right? How did you know that you liked that piece of fashion? Because it's all been put into the subconscious, because when that scene comes up and it's going to be different for everyone, as I was saying, when this scene comes up, it may take you back to a certain memory about you. So, as an example, if I mean for me, if a scene comes up where a parent, you know, loses her child, for me that's very moving, because I've got a child and that's very relatable to me, and I'm thinking, oh my gosh, you know. So I put myself in that situation and I, and I see myself as that parent.
Speaker 2:People are constantly being hypnotized when they don't even know it. So, basically, what hypnotherapy is is putting yourself into a relaxed state and bypassing your critical faculty. What that basically means is that I'm able to have a conversation with you and bypassing that part of your brain that says, oh no, I'm not good enough, or you know, that's not my value, or I can't do that, that type of thing, and we're able to get into the subconscious, where it's like a hard drive, where every memory, every belief in every value that you've ever experienced lives, and we don't even know it. Another example you may have driven somewhere to work or dropping off your kids, or and it could be like a half an hour trip, and you drive there and you think to yourself I don't remember driving here.
Speaker 1:That's happened to me before.
Speaker 2:Right, it happens to everyone, right, that's a dramatic response, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you're thinking, oh my gosh, I've had my kids in the backseat, I've had my nephews, my nieces, whatever it is, and I don't remember driving here. So if you weren't driving you, then who was? It's your subconscious, these are the things that are on autopilot, that we don't even know that it's highest directive is to make you feel safe. So, going back to your point, if you're wanting to go for a promotion and there's alarm bells ringing at your subconscious brain because it's trying to keep you safe, because it's not familiar, so it gives you a thousand reasons not to go for that promotion, and then this is why you say no, I don't want to go for that promotion, because it's not familiar, it's not my belief that I'm that type of person, et cetera, et cetera. To answer your question very long-winded.
Speaker 1:No, I think it's important to dive into all of that, because it's not an easy concept to explain.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But the way you explained it definitely gave me a different perspective and a way that I didn't think about it before. And so when you get people in this state, is it that you then extract what those fears, the blind spots are, and then being able to support them to rewire that or to remove that thinking? How does that then process work?
Speaker 2:So at all levels, the person that's been hypnotized is under full control. So it's sort of like me having a conversation with you right now, actually with your eyes closed, and they're feeling a little bit more relaxed, and all hypnosis is self-hypnosis. So in a way I'm more of a guide. I don't do any hypnosis, I'm only the guide to show you how to hypnotize yourself. So at any time you think, oh, this isn't for me or I'm not going to do that they're always well aware of it and we get into as an example.
Speaker 2:If there's a limiting belief that I'm not good enough with this position, we go to. I'll make them relaxed and I go to the first moment or event where they decided that they were never good enough in general, and that's usually a very innocent time, when they were like five or six on the playground and someone pushed them and they said you're not allowed to play with us. And then they created them out of the world in that moment that they weren't good enough. But then we see it from a different point of view and this is where the transformation happens, Because what they're doing really is that people today are seeing life through the rena child and they're making decisions through the rena child.
Speaker 2:So there's a lot of 30, 40 year old walking around making decisions as a six year old and I see that everywhere. You know like they still have the same tantrums as a six year old. They still have the same fears as a six year old. They've got the same habits, They've got the same voids as a six year old. So it's quite common and they're making decisions Like they're making the running businesses and teams based off being a child and they can't help it and they don't know it as well. So there's a lot of aha moments and wow moments when people see it, because then now they can't answer it.
Speaker 1:That's really true. I guess they're operating on that autopilot mode, not knowing where. That you know feel blind spot first came from, yes, and then they're just living about their life and making these decisions based on their past, essentially, until maybe someone raises it with them or they have maybe some sort of breakdown, and then they seek out the support and then yeah, but the problem is is that, even though if someone raises it and they say, hey, stop doing that thing, yeah.
Speaker 2:It doesn't work that way. So, like we've all worked with, like that bus who was micromanaging, right, yeah, they're probably well aware that they've got this challenge of micromanaging their people, which is again run by fear. But if I was to tell this person hey, stop micromanaging your team, because your team's leaving you and there are high costs associated with teams leaving and retraining and onboarding and all that kind of thing, it's not that easy.
Speaker 1:No no.
Speaker 2:It's not Right.
Speaker 1:Like no, I get that because someone just tells you something and then you're like no, like I don't. They go into denial, or or they get defensive, or they acknowledge it but say, well, that's just who I am.
Speaker 2:That's just who I am. And even if they, even if they want to move away from that, it's going to be very hard because it's a habit. This is why hypnotherapy works, because it works within a matter of hours. It shorts. You know people want to get back to work, so they're not. They're very limited with the amount of options today. You know they can think about therapy, but therapy doesn't really deal with the subconscious. They don't do hypnotherapy and they use crutches. They use coping mechanisms, you know, you know take the threats yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they don't get to the root cause and the therapist may not be in a position to understand business as well, so they don't understand in the context of business. How is it best to address this?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. I want to back a bit to your story and your journey because I'd love for you to share that with my audience. Like what led you to becoming a hypnotherapist for leadership and businesses. Like what is your story that led you onto this journey? That has given you this path to support other people in their lives.
Speaker 2:Great question. So this has been a journey for me. This story is probably the reason why I'm here today. Especially in my career, I was a pharmaceutical rep. So I went into pharmaceuticals. That's a story on its own, but I went into pharmaceuticals because I loved sales and I really wanted to sort of own my own business without owning a business, if that makes sense because I was owning a territory right and I was doing really well at that. And the next step from there was becoming a medical devices rep. What that meant for me was to go into surgery with doctors and showing them the best way on using our products, and that, for me, was a huge milestone. Further back to that, like my earlier run, I'm a massage therapist. Like I'm a remedial massage therapist, but I knew that I wanted to help people and my journey was really to excel. And this is where I came.
Speaker 2:I was inside medical industry and then I was inside theaters with surgeons highly stressful industry because you had to sell on not just the surgeon while he's operating on someone, but then, once he agrees to, it is you have to sell to the nurses and then to the board of the hospital. They put a lot of money and a lot of training on their staff, on their people. They just got too stressful for me and one day I just picked up the phone and I said, hey, I can't do this anymore. It's been four years and the company as well was going through some changes, and with changes there's a lot more pressure on the staff. I picked up the phone one day and it wasn't a really good time because at the time my wife was pregnant with our first born and it was a well-paying job, but it was just too stressful, like it was like my mental health was really at stake here. I called up my boss and I said, hey, I can't do this anymore, I quit and I didn't have a job to go to. And then, yeah, I was broken because my identity came with that. I really had an identity around. I am this person. Whenever someone asked me who I was, I was in medical devices, I was in the medical field, but now I didn't have an identity to go to. So it was really hard for me, as an upcoming father of who I was going to be, to provide for my family. So then I thought to myself okay, well, what I'll do is I'll open up a business because I loved business. It wasn't going to be my first business to open and I was really confident. So I looked at businesses and I opened up a business.
Speaker 2:Things took a while to settle and because of that we settled the same week that my son was born, first kid. And no one tells fathers this right, like how to be a dad and as well for mothers too, like no one tells you how hard parenting is, how hard it's going to be. It was hard, it was really hard, like I think the default, the normal default, setting on being a parent, is hard, like best case scenario. It's gonna be hard, yeah, but Earlier on in my son being born, he had colic and we didn't even know so. Collic is where you know they have really bad digestive pains From fruit allergies and we didn't even know so.
Speaker 2:My son was waking up every 20 minutes, which meant my wife was waking up, which meant I was also waking up, and it meant that I was going into work on the back foot, yeah, and I couldn't sleep. I was going into work and I really had to make this, this business, work. There's like there's a lot of things riding on it and because I wasn't getting in the sleep, a lot of things were starting to come up within my emotions. Things like anxiety, things like I'm not good enough, things like I'm not good enough as a provider, not only for my son, but for my wife. I can't protect her, I can't fix this problem. And Then, with that, my business started to fall and break as well. Like it looked like my business was gonna crash. But even when I ticked all the boxes and everything you know, with all the marketing, and I did all the right things within my business, it wasn't really working. I felt like I was going through it like a hamster wheel. I Couldn't lead my team, I couldn't make the right decisions, I couldn't be there for them as a leader and I couldn't really understand why. Because I've just completed my MBA. In Every book that I've read, in every course that I've studied, there's no manual for this. Like what am I doing wrong? What is in my blind spot that I can't see that is making my Leadership suck? Why is my business crashing? And it wasn't until that I started looking into my own personal development that I discovered that a lot of this stuff wasn't new. A lot of my anxiety wasn't new. A lot of my Thoughts of that. I'm not good enough, wasn't you a lot of me, you know, feeling flat and down and and depressed, wasn't you?
Speaker 2:It all came back to my childhood. That's a whole, nother story. I Mean just to summarize it. Mom and dad fled Egypt because they were being persecuted. So dad had a really successful wholesaling, petrol wholesaling business and he came to to Australia with nothing. They threatened to kill him, basically. So he had to flee with his family. He didn't come with any, any money, no language and a or a job to go to. We found ourselves homeless, so we had to stay with family and then we found ourselves in a housing commissions and I saw things that I shouldn't have seen. And then I went to school, had a massive stutter so I couldn't speak. It was bullied, teased for being the only Egyptian in the class. I was taken to ESL. They thought that I couldn't speak English, but I just had a bad stutter.
Speaker 2:Throughout my whole life I was constantly told that I'm not gonna be listened to, that I'm not gonna be heard and that you're not good enough for you to speak up and tell us what you want. So it was this constant bombardment of this message that my perception was is that I was never good enough and this was my sort of map of the world and Because of that, it really affected my relationships. Going on forward like I felt that I was never good enough, you know, it affected my relationships, my personal relationships, my romantic relationships, everything, and To the point of my business now is that now I wasn't good enough To have a really thriving business. I was never good enough now to have a really To be a really good dad, right, because I saw my son as this, like amazing person. This is prize jewel, and I was self-sabotaging myself and I didn't even know.
Speaker 2:So I went through this personal, this journey right down this rabbit hole of understanding where it all fits why. And as I did that and I started to connect the pieces and I started to heal and really resolve everything from my past and my business started getting better. And not only did my business started getting better, but my relationships started getting better. I was more present as a father, I was more present as a husband. Everything just started getting better. But at the same time, my business started making more money.
Speaker 2:And I'm thinking, oh my gosh, why isn't anyone talking about this? My business started doing really well. I sold it. I'm like thank you, but no, thank you anymore. Right, it was a great journey, but now I understand why I had to be put through this process. Now I understood why I was put out in this planet. My purpose was to help people become better leaders. I remember this story of my mom coming home when I was quite young, and Often she would come home crying and that made me pretty sad, because seeing my mom crying was like, oh my gosh, why? And she would come home crying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's hard, right yeah.
Speaker 2:When you say a parent cries, the worst yeah and I would often find her come home crying because she would always say that her manager was mean to her, and I know my mom. She's like the softest person on earth. She was often mismanaged, like now looking back at it. So it was often mismanaged, she was micro manage all these things and that it also affected me, right. And then, because she was out and down, yeah, it affected the whole house. People that understand is they spend most of their lives at work. If I can make the leadership Better, I'm not only helping the leadership and their business, I'm helping, like parents and families all over the world, all at the same time, and this was my purpose.
Speaker 1:That's exactly right. I'm like I truly believe in working on your Self-first and being able to then spread that around you. That energy, yes, it's contagious. If you're stressed all the time, if you're unhappy, your family will suffer and you don't want to put that on them, but sometimes you can't help the situation that you're in. Yes, it's a. You know about getting yourself out of that, taking that personal responsibility, yeah, out of that situation, as you did in that really dark period of your life.
Speaker 1:And there's just so much as well that you had to deal with like. I really appreciate you sharing your story, because not only had you had your own issues to deal with, that you adopted from childhood, but then there's also that generational trauma.
Speaker 1:They can't inherit from parents that you know, a migrants that come, you know, from overseas with nothing, and they have their own struggles that you Subconsciously and unconsciously take on board as your own issues too. Yeah, it's a lot to move through and you obviously needed to go hit rock bottom, but you two have then uncovered all of this that's come up for you to then move forward and become Someone that can actually support other people through that.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, I had to go through the darkness and travel through, so I knew the way on how to take other people through now.
Speaker 1:Exactly right and love what you said, like how you were doing all the right things in terms of your business, like all the Business strategy, the you know, the marketing, all the external stuff that, yes, yeah, but I'm doing all the things. Like, why am I not getting the results? And this applies to Not just business, but even in your job. You might think that you are the best employee, you're doing all the right things. Why aren't you getting all the opportunities? Yes, and it's until you look within, you know, really, really dig deep, that you then say, okay, there are all of these you know fears and limitations and blind spots. Yes, I'm doing all these external things, but I am not actually paying attention to what's inside me. So I love that you addressed that point as well, because I think that really applies to to all of us.
Speaker 1:Yeah whatever job that you hold.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think the key, like if someone can take something away, it's taking responsibility for, hey, for where you are at the moment. Like, how did you get here? Like a lot of people give up their power. They say, oh, you know, I'm in this position because of life or because my manager didn't give me this position, and it's a story that they keep telling. Yeah, but in order to get your power back and to make a difference, you really need to take ownership of what did you do to contribute for you thinking this way or you being here.
Speaker 1:That's your helpful. Yeah, we have more control really than what we think. Yes, over our own lives and we can change the direction that we're going. Yeah, and you could have easily, like you could have easily been the victim of your life, and they lived out those limiting beliefs like having a stutter being, you know, of a migrant background.
Speaker 1:Yes starting from zero. Oh, I'm not gonna amount to anything. I'm not gonna be able to achieve all of these amazing. You didn't let that stop you when you are, and that's what I think. I feel like people that have a more trickier Pass are the ones and that persevere through that. Other ones that become even more successful. Yes, because they had to really dig deep, like they're not just traveling through life and cruising, they have to face their data essentially even more so.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what I found is that I'm coaching people like me, or I'm mentoring people you know like me, because a lot of those Entrepreneurs, a lot of the people in you know high leadership roles, they're resilient, right, they're in those roles because they're resilient, and the resilient because they've had a story growing up, yeah, right, so it's the people that have had a story that are wanting to go past the victim, you know stage, and it's the reason why they're successful. But there is often something stopping them, for them to getting to the next level. Getting them to get to the next gear, and Then X gear is usually the thing that they want to get to, but they can't because of all of their subconscious blind spots.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's so true, and it does come up in at different levels as well, like as you said, like that, people that already are resilient and People that persevere and think differently. But with every challenge comes up maybe a different blind spot from your childhood or the past or whatever, as they say. Like every new level Equals in, like new devil, like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah it's like, yeah, you then have to overcome that next barrier, and that's life, and that's what makes you like a resilient and, I guess, a strong human being to be able to overcome these obstacles.
Speaker 1:Something that I you mentioned Before as well, that I really like to touch on a bit more, because I see this and you know in the legal industry as well, is how you talked about your identity when you were exiting the pharmaceutical industry and how you felt like you have lost your identity. This is something that Lawyers face all the time, because a lot of lawyers Attach their identity to being a lawyer and the prestige of being a lawyer as well, and some lawyers that might have might decide hey, I actually don't want to be a lawyer anymore, really do struggle with that identity crisis because all they have known Of themselves is I'm that lawyer, I'm the smart person, I you know, I am a high chief up. I guess, for someone that may be going through an identity Crisis, like, what would you say to them to help them navigate through that process a bit easier?
Speaker 2:That's a really good question. If they were talking to their, their child, their son or daughter, and their daughter or son came up to them and they were dropped from their, say, netball or their soccer team and Using, you know, their daughter as an example, if their daughter come up to them and said, hey, I'm nothing without my netball, I'm a netball player and because I'm dropped, I'm nothing, what would you tell them as a parent? There would be things like no, you're not. You're beautiful, right. You're so much more than that You're. You're not who you, who you play to be Right, you are more than this identity.
Speaker 2:I Often like to reframe the question because it impowers them again. A lot of people, they're so quick to love their, their children, right with warmth and stuff, but they often forget to show the same love to themselves Because they forget they're forgotten. They're so hard on themselves and I think this is just a simple exercise. Is that if you had you're in a child? Well, you were talking to your inner child across from you and they were Complaining about a similar challenge. What would you tell them? Would you be more gentle, more, more forgiving, or would you be so harsh on them? Your identity is not a lawyer. If you think about it, what does it even mean? You know that I'm a lawyer. Hmm, like you're not Just that name, the way that you laugh, the way that you forgive, the way that you have a personality, you know, like ask your friends why they love you. And this is who you are. You are your, your thoughts, your behaviors, your. You are not this label.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that's really good advice and when you do either talk to your whether, if it's like if you do have children.
Speaker 1:Yeah and think about that, how you would talk to them. Or you're in a child, thinking of yourself as this, that inner child, and something that people can do is like literally looking at a photo of themselves as a child. Like what would they say to themselves? Yeah, and they wouldn't be berating them and saying, oh yeah, you're not good enough, of course, like you're not. Yeah, amount to anything. They're not gonna be saying that. They're gonna be Speaking words of kindness to them, yes, yeah, I like that perspective.
Speaker 1:They put on that because it's it is easier to speak kinder to a Child then to ourselves. So it's a good way to get out of your mind and, just, yes, be in the reality of the situation. That's something else that lawyers have a difficulty with and you know I mentioned lawyers a lot because this, you know, my podcast is my audience are lawyers is difficulty with change. Hmm, and I think I mean a lot of people tend to have difficulty with this in general. But what are some ways to Navigate change, no matter what that change may be? It could be like a job change, it could be like a restructure in a company, like it could be any change or a life change. What are some ways to navigate change in in your life so you can move forward and and continue to achieve the goals that you've set out to achieve, I guess, not letting the change derail you yeah, from working with a lot of lawyers, my understanding and me knowing them is that their highest value is success.
Speaker 2:Right, they are very driven. So if they're highest value that they're wanting to chase is success Whether that be financial success or in a financial freedom or just more time with their family how to get there is by. There's a rule that I like to say that you know. There's sort of like the most flexible person or the most adaptable person wins, and that comes with only being able to Invite change. When Change comes knocking at your door, instead of holding up this wall or, you know, trying to stand up against it, you know, and trying not to let it in Again, what I want you to visualize is I want you to visualize Turning towards the door, opening it and actually inviting it in, like a long-lost friend or someone who's wanting to send you a message to say, hey, this could be the right change for you, for where you want to go in success, and Seeing it from a different point of view and allowing that uncomfortableness, being comfortable with being uncomfortable, because that's where growth is and that only happens by facing it right like this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think you're way into Inter navigating through the change. It's like it's facing it, not resisting a bigger yeah.
Speaker 2:And also the problem with I mean not just lawyers, but any high-functioning professional is that they love control. So if they can't see the end result or if they can't Control every situation of this new process, they really struggle and they really break down. And one of the things that I allow people to do is that for you to get to the next gear, you have to surrender. Like what you're doing now is not sustainable. You can't keep living on the same program of you controlling every situation because you can't control every situation. It's impossible. Why don't we do things differently and just allow yourself to surrender Little bit by little bit, and you'll be able to see how, like, they don't blow up. You know the world doesn't go down on fire. You know it's not like, oh my gosh, my life is gonna end. Actually, things start to open up and it's amazing the transformation and it's amazing what comes into people's lives once they start to surrender to the process and start inviting change into their life.
Speaker 1:I agree and I. That's something I've struggled with for many years and I've become better at surrendering. Now I think it just has come with, I guess, repetitive situations happening until you're like, okay, I really do need to Let go, otherwise I think it's just gonna keep repeating and just getting older and wiser. I guess you know, and it's so true, like the times where I have you know, I have done my bit, put in effort, but let go of the outcome. I've had better outcomes in my life and better results than what I could even imagine for myself, because I think what you do when you control everything, you actually block the opportunities Coming your way because you're kind of saying to the universe or to the world out there that it's only this way that I'm gonna achieve this thing. So then other people energetically, you're closing them off from supporting you or off another way of you to get there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and like, I'm a very spiritual person, not in religious sense, but just spiritual in general. So I I like to use any you know the words, you know like energy and manifestation and energetics, but I tend to stay away from that Because once I say that in in the professional world, people shut off, you know, and so it's amazing how I take people through this journey without mentioning any of this. You know brackets, woo-woo stuff and I say to people hey, if I had mentioned that, that this is gonna be a lot of you know like spirituality and You're in a journey and you're in a child, would you have started to work with me? They're like hell.
Speaker 2:No, Right, yeah but they love the outcome and they're like I couldn't have done this without going internally first.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah but you got to speak to people. In a way, they will best receive that message, right, and that's exactly what you do. So for people that maybe are just beginning their spiritual journey and they're in the business world or you know, legal, professional, whatever and they have never heard of these terms before or they shut down. Are they here these times?
Speaker 2:Yeah, speaking to them in that way, no, no.
Speaker 1:Speaking in the language that they understand, but delivering what they need, which is the spiritual.
Speaker 2:Yes, essentially yes, but on.
Speaker 1:Karim, something that I ask all my guests is what does career confidence mean to you and what's one practical tip you can offer my audience to build their career confidence?
Speaker 2:Career confidence. So if I was to take out the word career, right yeah, and just use confidence. Because what happens when we just use confidence is that if you're confident in one context or one area of life, you'll be able to be confident in all areas of life, including your career. Yeah, right. So family, career and all that kind of thing. Confidence just means that you're able to be in love with yourself, to be comfortable in your own skin and for you to really listen to what the world has to offer you, really listen to why you're on this earth, and doing that Because that's when really, you can be in your own skin and so comfortable knowing that I'm so confident at doing this so well that I can do this. Yeah, as an example, there's a lot of lawyers out there that think I must do this because mom and dad told me, or society told me, that I must do this, but I'm not confident in doing this. And then I asked them so what are you confident in? And they'll be like Karim, I'm so good at being a mom.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I love my kids and I'm so good, I'm so confident at being a mom. I'm like okay, do you need a manual on how to be confident, to be a mom? They're like no, I just know how to do it so well and I love doing it and I can do this all day and every day and all I want to do is just to be a really good mom for my kids. I challenged them in thinking well, I know that society has told you that you need to be a lawyer, but why can't you just love yourself so much that you can be so good at just becoming a mom? And I say just becoming in terms of just doing what you love to do? Because people prize themselves into becoming a lawyer because it's something that will pay the bills into private schools or it will help with their status, or it's actually generally something that they love. They love helping people with the law and they're all like really good things. But what's the motivation behind it? Do you love it? If you love it, the confidence will come out. And then putting a value on becoming a really good mom, what would that mean for your kids? If you're a present mom or a present father, what would that mean? It would mean that they will become more in tune to you and they will become more present and probably most likely, there's a lot of evidence to say that if you're a present mother or father, that the quality of life as a child growing up is a lot better.
Speaker 2:However, if you're going into, if you're wanting to talk about confidence, you really love being a lawyer and you really love serving your community and you really love to protect the law and all that kind of thing. But there is something inside of you that is holding you back within regards to your confidence. Ask yourself, when did you decide that you weren't a confident person? And I like to take away confidence from the table is that? When did you decide that you weren't allowed to be you that unapologetically, like if you were talking to your friends or talking to your family? How would you react and act? And who told you that you couldn't act and behave this same way in your profession? Because people really want to see you for who you are.
Speaker 2:A lot of people wear masks when they come into work. They put on this mask of being someone else. You know this professional person, but really the most successful lawyers that I've met, that have had repeat customers and love them and will follow them, other people that are just themselves and that are just happy to show everyone who they really are, you know, and they're just really down to earth. I know that's a long-winded answer. It's more of a philosophical answer.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But, yeah, it's a powerful answer. I think, like it really just goes to show that you really need to go deep to know yourself and what you love doing, and whether that's being a mom as just one example, because I know my audience is driven, they like to also do other things and all of that. So that could be something completely different. Or it could be still being a lawyer, but just understanding when did they stop being them or who told them to not be them. And that can happen in different environments and sometimes I think, well, a lot of the time. I think the environment that you're in is really important and plays a big part on how you show up. Because if you're in an environment where you're told not to be, you're self-support on this professional mask and everyone's just all serious and of course you're going to be. You know you're going to shut down who you actually are. But if you're in an environment where everyone is themselves and that's encouraged, then of course you're going to show up with more confidence of being who you're meant to be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what I also like to put them through is that pretty simple exercise, and this is something that the audience can take home is that next time that you feel that you're not confident going into, say, having a really tough discussion with a colleague or with a manager and just before you feel that you're not confident, I want you to be aware of your thoughts.
Speaker 2:What is your self-talk telling you? And then I want you to drop into even further. I want you to drop into your emotions. What's happening within side of you? Is it like? Are you feeling fear? Are you feeling this anxiety? I want you to really step into it and really pause, or not even having to wait until it happens again. Go back to a time when it did happen and I want you to replay the scenario, and I want you to play it in slow-mo.
Speaker 2:So go back to the, you know, to the start of the conversation. What was going on internally? What were the thoughts that you're telling yourself? Oh my gosh, you know I'm going to get fired or I can't really have this conversation Because of the way that react I'm really scared of. You know what's going to happen, what's the outcome, and then, internally, you're feeling fear, like this is gut wrenching change that is happening within you and you're moving away from fear and you're calling that a lack of confidence and then really putting the pieces together yourself. Maybe you know you can't have those hard conversations with management, with senior people, because possibly you know you were constantly criticized as a child by your parents. So now you're projecting your parents onto this manager or onto this other person and it all comes from there. It's not a confidence thing, it's more of an inner child thing, and that you're identifying yourself as this person. That's not confident and you're projecting your parents onto this manager.
Speaker 1:I feel like it's a lot of the time. It is that you know, something that I struggled with is expressing my emotions, because you know, as a child, and being a child of migrant parents as well, that came with nothing, came to Australia with nothing and had to start from scratch, from zero. Is that there is no time to feel your emotion?
Speaker 2:It's go, go, go, it's survival.
Speaker 1:It's survival and that is projected onto your children, which I felt growing up, you know, and when I would cry if I was upset, it was just like why are you crying?
Speaker 1:Stop crying, like it just wasn't a thing. And you know, we can laugh about it now because it's like a war story that a lot of migrant children have to tell and we can all come for each other in that commonality. But, yeah, like it's something that I really had to work through and something that I worked through with my husband, who actually is incredibly emotionally intelligent. Yes, and I would have to like express how I feel rather than shut down, and that's really helped me in my professional life too, because if something made me feel uncomfortable, if I didn't agree with something, now I'm better at communicating how I feel and saying you know, this is how I feel about this situation, or I don't feel comfortable, and that was from a childhood, like from one thing that might have happened in my childhood being told to stop crying, to then that actually impacting on how you show up at work and from shutting down emotionally to being able to then communicate emotions in that way.
Speaker 1:So I feel like a lot of the time. Yeah, it is the childhood work. Yes, you don't realize until you become an adult and you're like why, why is this coming up?
Speaker 2:Yeah, why can't I feel? Why can't I cry? Why can't I be sad?
Speaker 1:Exactly. I also just want to say that it's not about blaming parents.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:Like that's something that, again, like I had to work through. It's not about blaming them because they're doing the best they could at that point in time, but the situation that they were facing. I can't imagine myself having to move overseas and starting from zero. So it's also the forgiveness piece and accepting the situation yes, and then taking the self-responsibility of you. What can you do now to change, to be better, to function as an adult?
Speaker 2:So yeah, and it's funny you say that, because what people project onto their parents, so as an example, you know they'll say oh, you know, Karim, you know mom and dad were just so constantly critical of me, you know, they just kept telling me that I must do this and that, you know, but they never had really had time for me to spend time with me. You know something like this. And then I would ask them so can you tell me about your parenting skills? And there's like an epiphany that they are doing the same thing, yeah, and they look at me like, oh my gosh, you know, for all this time I promised that I was never going to be like my parents, but then here we are and they can't see it. It's really about forgiving them, to forgive yourselves too, because we're all in the same boat. Like they come here with, even if they came here with everything, they were just trying to do the best that they could with the resources they had at the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, yeah, absolutely. And also, if I mean if you're not a parent because I'm conscious that some of my audience are not parents it also goes to how you, I guess, lead or interact with your colleagues the same thing. Are you dealing with them in a way that your parents dealt with you and that's coming out in that way.
Speaker 2:Yes so again.
Speaker 1:It's just how are you interacting with everyone around you, including, if you're a parent, with your children too? So, yeah, yeah, so many. You know nuggets of wisdom there. Korean Is there. Before we wrap up, is there anything that you would like to share or talk about something that I may have not asked you?
Speaker 2:No, I think you've been amazing. I think there's probably one thing that really highlights leadership and that is the perception of information. So, as an example, there's a reason why there's so many different personalities and leadership and there's so many reasons why how different people decide on many different things Like you've worked with a great leader, as an example, and people have worked with happy leaders, right, or those types of examples and you think to yourself how, like, how does one person decide this and that can generate a really good team, and one person can decide this and that they can take a team into. You know, like oblivion as an example, and the number one thing is is that how they perceive information? There's a famous psychologist I remember his name, but it's like it it runs for like 25 letters and I don't want to do it like an injustice, right, yeah, yeah, but his theory is that the mind can only handle, say, 64 bits of information per second, but at any one moment, there's 128 million bits of information per second. So the example is like me throwing confetti at you, 128 million bits of confetti at you and saying here you know, like Maria, catch, you're going to catch only say 64 bits of information, bits of confetti, but you're going to be biased and catch the colors that you like, so your handful is going to be different to my handful. And I'm going to think, but hang on, how did you see that when this happened Like we've all been in like, in like a meeting, as an example, with a room full of 10 people, and you come out of the same meeting thinking, oh my gosh, that was a great meeting and this is what I got out of it.
Speaker 2:And someone else might come out of the same meeting and think, oh my gosh, what the hell was that? This is what it means, right, everyone has their own interpretation of information because of this concept. This is like what I call the confirmation bias or the filter of the world how they perceive information, and it's this lens that they see that the world is then how they interact and how they make decisions going forward. And this is the most critical part of what I do is are you actually seeing, like what you told me, what you perceived? Are you sure this is how you perceived it? Are you sure this is the information of? What it actually means and this is a really critical part of becoming a really good leader Is how you interpret information and then what happens after that, how you decide going forward Whenever you want to make a decision.
Speaker 2:I want you to backtrack a little bit and really be critical of what just happened. Are you projecting something as an example, using this meeting as an example? The person in the room delivering this information Did they perhaps remind you of an old school teacher that you really hated and, from the word go, you were really going to hate whatever they were going to say? All the tone was something that reminded you of a parent that was constantly telling you what to do, in like an authoritative way Of not being biased but really understanding what was actually said. Is the information true? If it's true, then let's do something about it, and so forth and so forth. So I think this is the most critical part about leadership is not projecting your past biases or you're looking through your filter as a child, but for really understanding what this thing that you're trying to deal with for what it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's being more objective and seeing it in the perspective, maybe, of other people as well and not just through your own lens, because that's so true. We can all be like. I just don't like this person for some reason you might not even have a reason I just don't like whatever they're going to say, I'm just not going to agree, even though they might be giving the best ideas.
Speaker 1:You still won't agree because somehow you don't like them. But taking that step back, being objective and really hearing what is being said and taking it for what it is, removing those biases can really help with the better decision making. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And if someone else comes and tells you from a different point of view maybe this is the handful of information that you missed out on catching you see it as a blessing of what didn't I see, like, how am I misinterpreting this thing? Yeah, like, what am I missing? So when people come to you say, hey, have you considered this? Maybe take that as a piece of oh, this is the piece of the confetti that I didn't catch. Yeah, that could help build the rest of the puzzle that I need to see.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. I think, like leaders are great listeners and really great in taking different people's perspectives and then being able to make a decision from there and as a leader, it's not about you controlling or being the one that's fixing everything.
Speaker 1:It's how well you can collaborate to a team and lead a team and guide them and collectively come to these decisions as well. It's not all on you. The pressure doesn't have to all sit with that person. Yeah, good point. Love that, love that. Karim. Where can my audience find you, to connect with you, to learn more about the work that you do Everywhere?
Speaker 2:LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram website is KarimBoktorcom. You can find my name. You just Google it. You can put it into Facebook. I'll come up there as well. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Amazing, amazing. I'll also link that in the show notes so people can access that information easily. Thank you so much, karim, for coming on the Career Confidence podcast. Thanks for sharing so openly as well about your journey and providing my audience with lots of value.
Speaker 2:Thank you, and I want to gift people a half an hour of a free breakthrough. So if anyone's wanting to see what their blind spot is, I'm happy to have a chat. Maria can put up the details, I'll send it to her and yeah, speak to you guys soon. Perfect. Thank you so much for having me, Maria. I think that is a show. You've got an amazing coach. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:Thank you. Thank you so much. Thanks for tuning into the Career Confidence podcast. Like what you learned today. Why not share this episode with your work, bestie, and leave us a five-star review on wherever you listen to your podcast on? We'd absolutely love to get into more years and help more women, just like you, build fulfilling and thriving careers. Until next time.