4.30 How to write when you’re confused

Writing can feel like you’re banging your head against a wall sometimes. Trying to craft sentences, when you’re not entirely sure where you’re going, and then spending hours working and ending up with nothing to show for it. In this episode I unpick the self-talk that makes this more painful than it needs to be, I introduce the concept of “thinking writing” and give you some specific tasks to experiment with. I don’t promise to stop you feeling confused - but I will move you from “confused and that’s a problem” to “confused and that’s OK and I know exactly what to do next”. 

If you liked this episode, you should check out my episode on how to use a do know, don’t know list.

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I'm Dr Vikki Wright, ex-Professor and certified life coach and I help everyone from PhD students to full Professors to get a bit less overwhelmed and thrive in academia. Please make sure you subscribe, and I would love it if you could find time to rate, review and tell your friends! You can send them this universal link that will work whatever the podcast app they use. http://pod.link/1650551306?i=1000695434464

I also host a free online community for academics at every level. You can sign up on my website, The PhD Life Coach. com - you'll receive regular emails with helpful tips and access to free online group coaching every single month! Come join and get the support you need.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to the PhD Life Coach podcast, and this week is inspired by one of my members' questions. So in the PhD life coach membership, students are able to submit questions to me in our little private members community, and I will record short voice notes for them answering that specific question, and all the other members can hear the voice notes. And I do a bunch of these every week, and sometimes though I feel like they're such interesting questions and such, commonly experienced questions that I kind of steal them and bring them over here so I can share the answers with all of you guys and have a little bit more time to go into them in more detail. And that is what we're going to be doing today.

So what was the question that piqued my interest? It was, how do I write when I'm confused? So this person said that they can only get on with their writing when they know what they're saying and that they find that it flows really well. This is not somebody who struggles with their writing. They said it flows really [00:01:00] well once they know what they're gonna say and they get on with it, but that if they write when they're not sure what to say, it ends up being messy and nonsensical and they don't get anywhere. And so they want to know, how do I write when I'm confused? So I'm actually gonna divide this answer into three sections in a vague attempt for this not just to be me rambling. Anyway, so I wanna think first of all about what, anybody, so this person who asked the question, but any of you guys too, what you are making it mean about yourself that you are experiencing this confusion. It's the first part. The second part is I wanna think more about our kind of perception of the writing process. What is it? What's it for? What means it's going well or going badly. And then finally, I wanna give you some really specific tips about how you can move ahead when you're confused, so that as soon as you stop listening to this [00:02:00] podcast, you can go and start writing something that you're currently feeling confused about.

So. That's my plan. Okay. As usual, I might go off on a tangent partway through? Who knows what will come out of my brain, but we're going with it for now. So first of all, what are you making it mean that you are confused? This is one of the most common things that I hear from you listeners, and that I see in my members and other clients is people making it mean if I am confused, I must not be good at this.

And that's totally understandable, right? As we go through school and other parts of life, if you don't understand something, it usually is because you are in some way not keeping up with the teacher. There's something that you are kind of struggling to get, and we very much see right or wrong, uh, that being like on us, that that's our fault.

That seems to be very much on us, right? That that's a [00:03:00] flaw in us in some way, and that if we were good enough at this, we would not be confused. But the fact is, as you get further and further through academia, whether you're doing your PhD, whether you are now an academic, as you get further and further through and you start wrestling with more complex problems, being confused becomes not so much something about you and your capabilities, but more about the complexity of the thing that you are wrestling with.

Because sure, sometimes confusion can be because we don't have the requisite skills and experience and understanding to understand this thing that we are looking at. That is sometimes the cause of the confusion, right? But often the cause of the confusion is because we are looking at something quite complex and we are seeing, oh, this person says this, but that person says [00:04:00] that and they can't both be true.

So I am a bit confused what is it that I'm seeing here? What's going on here? What is there evidence for? When I look at the data, if it showed this, then it would say that, and if it showed this, then it would say that, but it's saying this other thing or it's saying this thing that we didn't expect it to say. So what does that mean? I'm confused. Or I'm trying to piece together this story, this argument for the first time. No one's ever articulated this before and I haven't yet decided what I think about it, I, I'm still confused as to exactly what's going on here, what this, you know, these artifacts, this data collection, whatever it is, what it means. That's about the task you're trying to do rather than about your abilities.

It's also about the stage of the project you are at. In the [00:05:00] past when we were at school and things like that, usually the length of the tasks we were doing were not necessarily that long, and so you're kind of expected to get past that confused bit pretty quickly so that you could get on and get it done.

But in a PhD or in an academic career, often we're in that confused part for really quite some time because figuring out what do we know, what do we need to know in order to decide how we're gonna present this or even decide what we actually think? Those periods of time can be quite protracted. That can be measured in weeks, months, even years. And so. What previously was a quick problem to be solved. Oh, I'm confused. Let's get some help.

Okay. I am less confused so I can move on. Now can become rapidly something where we're actually, we're in a state of somewhat [00:06:00] confusion if we call it confusion, if we frame it as confusion, but certainly the state where we're like, I don't know exactly how I'm gonna do this, or exactly what I'm trying to argue, or exactly what this is gonna end up looking like.

Yet we can be in that period for really quite a long period of time. Okay, and so we're in this situation where the confusion no longer usually means anything about us and our abilities. It means something about the complexity of the task we're trying to do and the stage of that task that we're at. But if in our heads we still think it means something about us and that if we were better at it, we wouldn't be confused. Then it becomes a really uncomfortable place to be because it's not just then that we are confused about the thing we are then also judging ourselves hard for not being able to do the thing. We're not being able to figure out what we're gonna do with this complex issue.

And I heard this a little bit [00:07:00] in the question that came in from my member because they talked about how when they're feeling confused, their writing comes out messy and nonsensical. And I was like, well, yeah, of course it does, but that doesn't mean you are messy and nonsensical. That doesn't mean you're not gonna figure this out. That's a version of the thinking process, and we're gonna talk about that more in a minute. That's the place you are at at the moment, and that doesn't mean anything about you and your abilities. It doesn't mean anything about your prospects. It doesn't mean anything about where you are gonna get next.

It just means you're in this messy bit where you are trying nonsensical ideas. Sometimes they won't turn out to be nonsensical. They'll start as nonsensical and then you'll realize there's actually more sense in them than you realized. And other times they'll be nonsensical, but you'll realize that and it will open up a door to something else that makes more sense.

Okay. We have to be careful about making it mean something [00:08:00] about ourselves. 'cause when we make it mean something about ourselves and our own prospects, then we bring the judgment in, then we bring the criticism, then we bring the, I should be moving faster. I should be making sense. I should have figured this out by now. And then we don't enjoy the academic process. 'cause actually that grappling with complex ideas is the academic process. And I know I've talked about that a few times on the podcast over the last few months, but I think it's really worth reiterating that is the academic process. And so this part of being confused, usually confusion is a sign that you are thinking about something interesting. Something that it's like, oh, it's actually not clear what this is or how to present it or how to move forward.

So I'd love for you to practice if your brain is going, oh yeah, I'm pretty confused about that going, yeah, of course. We're confused. It's complicated. We're gonna figure this out. And almost [00:09:00] embracing that confusion, seeing it as a sign that you are grappling with something that doesn't have a straightforward answer.

Because frankly, if it had a straightforward answer and we knew exactly what we were gonna say immediately, it might not be worth reading. It might not be worth us writing it. If it's obvious to everybody, oh yes, this is the way forward, it might not actually even be that useful? The fact that we're grappling with something confusing means we're grappling with something interesting where it needs a perspective, where it needs a kind of filter and interpretation and a viewpoint, and that's what's interesting.

So confusion is a sign that you are doing something interesting. 

The second thing is thinking about what we mean by writing. Because an awful lot of people only count it as writing if it is something that will end up in the end product. Either, you know, people know you've gotta do drafts, right? So I'm not saying that you guys think that you're gonna [00:10:00] write something and then off it goes straight into your article or straight into your chapter or whatever.

But usually we think that writing is an attempt towards that, that it's working out a version of what could be in the final piece of text that we are then going to edit, improve, expand, reduce, even remove, but that is written with the intention of being the first sort of attempt at that final version, and that's great, right?

Those things are important. Outlining what's gonna be in your final chapter, drafting your article, editing your article, all these things we know these are the important steps of writing. But what people often underestimate is the extent to which writing isn't only about producing an end product. Writing is also about understanding what's happening in your head 'cause the problem with thoughts is that we can't see [00:11:00] them. And when we can't see them, and especially with gorgeous intelligent brains like all of you guys have, is those thoughts can whiz in 47 directions inside our head, and they're very hard to grasp hold of, and they're very hard to play with and to see and to make decisions about and all of those things.

Writing is a way of making thinking visible. Writing is a way of getting it outta your head onto a piece of paper so that you can make decisions about it, and that doesn't even just mean brainstorms. I'm gonna talk to you in a minute about some specific techniques for all of this stuff. This doesn't just mean brainstorms.

But what we're essentially trying to do here is recognize that writing can solely be a thinking process. I would love for you to prioritize writing that is never, ever going to go in your thesis or a published article.

And you might say, [00:12:00] Vic, I barely have the time to do the real writing. I definitely don't have time to do the writing for fun. I definitely don't have time to write stuff that's never gonna get used, and I would argue I've been there. Okay, before I argue anything I'm gonna say I get that I massive and I still argue against that part of my brain. Okay. I have the coach part of my brain that says all these sensible things. You lot get to listen to my podcast once a week. I hear these things in my head all the time. You think that would be useful? But it's only part of my brain 'cause the other part of my brain is still going. Yeah. Yeah. But we haven't got that much time, so should we just get on with the bit that needs writing? Should we just get, get on with what's gonna go in the podcast rather than what could, or whatever. Okay. So if you are going, I don't have time for that, Vikki, because I don't have time for the actual writing I need to do, let alone other writing, I am talking specifically to you. If that was your thought, tune on in, 'cause this is specifically for you. If you think you don't have time [00:13:00] to do the thinking writing bit because you haven't got time to do the actual writing, writing bit. You need it more. Not less.

So it's the same that I sometimes get members contacting me saying, you know, love the membership, find it so useful. But I'm struggling to fit in coaching sessions. Um, I just don't really have time. If you don't have time for coaching, you need a coach. You a hundred percent need a coach because coaching makes everything else go faster. And writing as thinking makes every other step of the writing process go better.

So if you are finding yourself, criticizing yourself, saying, when I'm confused and I'm writing it doesn't make any sense, I can't use it. Then we get to say no because that's not its job. Its purpose is not to end up in the thesis. The writing I do when confused is not with that end product in [00:14:00] mind directly.

Where this is gonna translate into that, it's about understanding and untying that confusion. The writing is the tool, not the end product. And that's again why I think we get so judgmental when we are confused about our writing, 'cause we're expecting it to look like an end product when it is a tool.

So then I hear you ask the third thing, what do I actually do then, Vic, if I'm using the writing as a tool to understand my confusion and to decide what I wanna do going forward. What does that actually look like? Because in most of my members and the people I've worked with, their writing looks like drafting.

So when you say write stuff that will never be in their thesis, never be in a grant, never be in their article. They don't know what to write, and that's okay. 'cause we don't really practice this stuff. Right. You get so much practice at sort of, um, focused writing towards an end goal, like an essay or whatever as we come through.

But we very rarely get asked to do or [00:15:00] get. Sort of experience and practice at doing this sort of thinking writing. So what do we do? First thing we do is we make it feel different than target focused writing, than writing as an end product. Because our, our love little brains, they might be super clever, but if it feels the same. We're sat in front of a computer typing same as we would. If we're producing an end product, then our brains get really confused and start judging ourselves against that criteria, and we don't wanna do that. So let's make it feel different. Now, there's a number of ways you can do this.

I love paper and pen. I particularly love big paper and bright colored pens. And by the way, A DHD is, stay with me. Stay with me. 'cause I know where you're going. You don't have to run off to Amazon, you don't need new pens. Please don't go and find some color coded system that's gonna work. And those of you who don't have a DHD, we like, well now, of course not. I'm listening to a, to a podcast. Why would I do that? Everybody else I know you. Okay. My members do this in workshops and I have to say, stay [00:16:00] here. So when I say bright colored pens, I don't mean you need new felt tips. I mean, you grab whatever you've got in your house, just ridiculous pens. Whether it's those little short stubby ones that you get in like Ikea or whatever, or whether it's crayons that your kids use, or whether it's that Sharpie that you bought once for something or other.

I don't care. Just make it some random ass pen. Okay? Write in pencil. Who writes in pencil these days? Let's write pencil. Grab a pencil. Happy days, whatever. Do not go and buy more pens. This is not the point. I'm on a bit of a low buy mission at the moment, and I'm trying to bring you guys along with me.

That's a tangent, but it's a short one. So we're coming back. So grab some other pen, pencil and try writing using that. Writing in somewhere different than usually right? Writing, standing up rather than sitting down writing by shouting into a voice note machine and getting the transcription cleverness to do its thing.

If you do feel that you want to be on your computer and that you feel you can separate it. One of my gorgeous [00:17:00] ex-member, used to write in Pink Comic Sands for this part of it. So we are trying to write in a way that is specifically and intentionally not good academic writing. So that's thinking about changing the materials to make that obvious.

The other way you can do it is writing in not an academic voice at all. So writing how it comes out your head. Writing in a way that is explicitly not academic. Writing in the way you'd explain it to your children. Writing in a way that just feels conversational. And again, we are not trying to produce something we are gonna use, but we're sort of talking through our thoughts. And you can do that in a, it's called metacognition. When you're thinking about thinking, you can do it in a metacognitive way where you are writing about what you're thinking. So you're saying, um, you know, the data showed x, Y, ZI think this could possibly mean blah, blah, [00:18:00] blah, blah.

And if I was gonna argue it that way, I would say, da. But it could also mean this. And if it was that, then I'd say, and you can actually write down, I'm finding it quite hard to choose between these. 'cause this one has strong arguments of X, Y, Z. Write, write, write, write, write. Um uh, but that one has strong arguments of A, B, C. Write, write, write, write, write. So we're writing all this down. Right. But we're writing like what we are thinking, not some like early draft of a mini textbook thing. So we're writing using unusual materials or in unusual places. We're writing in an unusual style, IE how it comes out of our heads rather than into academic thinking.

We can even set ourselves little unusual challenges. So you could, if you are looking at it going, oh, I just dunno what this means. If you can get to a stage where you can say, or it could mean this, or it could mean that, then you could say, okay. I'm gonna write for 15 minutes [00:19:00] as though I really strongly believe it means this, and I'm gonna find all the evidence I can. I'm gonna make the most compelling argument I can, and I'm going all in on that. I'm gonna be a tyrant who only believes that, and then set yourself for 15 minutes i'm gonna write the other way. I'm gonna write as though I strongly believe that version that it could mean this. And then we do 15 minutes where we're like, okay, I'm gonna be the best diplomat ever.

Who finds the place in between who avoids all or nothing thinking, who thinks something in between the two who maybe avoids the controversy or addresses it indirectly or something and I'm gonna write like them for 15 minutes? And you might say, well, I'm on a minute, Vic, I've, that means I've been writing for 45 minutes and I haven't produced anything useful.

But what you've produced is progression in your thinking. And if you are confused, that is what we are looking for. We're not looking for end product producing now. We are looking for progression and increasing clarity in our thinking, because I promise if [00:20:00] you try to argue something from both perspectives, as you go through, as you start looking for evidence, as you work on it, you will find that there are some bits that feel more compelling than others. There's some where you're like, okay, yeah, actually this is quite convincing. And others you're like, I feel quite awkward arguing it this way. And you will start to notice how you feel when you write it.

You'll start to notice where you've got more evidence. You'll start to notice which version of this feels true and authentic to you. And that's how you start progressing your thinking. And then, I mean, this person's already told me that once they've got a clear idea, they're pretty good at just smashing it out. I know that's not true for all of you. We've got other podcasts to help you with that. But once you've got to a stage where your thoughts are much clearer, then it is so much easier. 'cause now we can start to make an outline. Now we can start drafting around that outline. We can start editing around that outline.

We've got something to [00:21:00] refer back to because we're saying, okay, this article needs to present that viewpoint because I've decided, and if you're watching on YouTube, I'm kind of doing the little inverted comma speech marky things "decided", and I'll tell you why in a second. We've decided what our viewpoint is. Suddenly it's actually easier to draft 'cause you've got a viewpoint you're trying to convey rather than waffling around being unsure what your viewpoint is.

Now I said I put inverted commas around decided, and that's because these don't have to be final decisions, right? These don't have to be okay. Once I've done my thinking, writing, I dive on irreversibly into my drafting process, and from then I'm stuck with what my viewpoint and I've just gotta make it work. No. Obviously not. We're dynamic people. If once you've sort of started writing it in a more outlined and drafty way in more academic tone and things like that, you're like, I don't think this is as compelling as I thought it was, or actually, I like my viewpoint, but here's an extra nuance I want to add, or extra evidence I want to add, then of course we [00:22:00] change it then. Right? We're still thinking when we're doing all of that stuff, but it's a lot easier. If we've made at least some of that confusion, less confusing by going through the thinking writing process.

I hope that is helpful. I want you all to have a ponder. What is one thing that you are feeling too confused to write about at the moment, and how could you try out one or two of the tasks that I've just shared with you to see if you can make your thinking visible, play with your thinking. Feel free to like cut stuff up and move it around. Do different ideas in different colors. Let's be a bit creative about this stuff. Have a go. And if you're not on my newsletter, jump on my newsletter. Just go to my website, the PhD life coach.com, and you can sign up right there on the front page, and then reply to my newsletter.

Let me know what you're trying and how it is helping you straighten out your confusion. Thank you so much for [00:23:00] listening, everybody. I hope that was useful and I will see you next week.