Diaries of a Domme + Questions Answered, by Chastity Queen
Strap yourself in for lots of kinky and open dialogue from a Woman who has experience with Pro-Domming and the BDSM Lifestyle. Her live-in chaste sissy sub joins in on some of the open discussions involving kink, chastity, BDSM and what it means to be a good Domme and sub.
Are you are drawn to BDSM & wondered why? Do the dynamics in a D/s relationship, intrigue you? Do you feel the submissive cravings, but cannot express that in your current relationship, or as a single person? Or, are you a female dominant and want to explore that powerful side of yourself? Does the concept of control & mental power exchange, wet your intellectual interest? Maybe you are currently in the BDSM scene and fighting to find joy. Do you have a D/s relationship but need to understand how to successfully satisfy your partner? I have the answers and many stories to share.
It is high time that I share My enriching journey, as a proud Female Dominant. I have been a Lifestyle Domme, for 10+ years & have met 100s of submissives. These, have served Me, looked up to Me & TAUGHT ME so many things about the human mind & its willingness to obey. In those thrilling years, I have learnt the delicate balance between a submissive mind and his/her body and the role I play. My knowledge + personal stories are rich with secrets, for submissives & Dommes.
I specialize in chastity, Femdom, crossdressers, humiliation play, emasculation and have experience in ABDL/DL, E-stimulation, urethral sounds, the mind games that make a Sadist so powerful and the vast Dungeon tools + tricks, that make up a High Protocol, BDSM Dungeon. Consent & physical safety will be discussed. The psychological and mental health aspects of BDSM will be discussed.
BDSM scratches so many mental itches & there are always reasons for those cravings. There will be cautionary tales, that you can learn from. There will also be much to realize, from the beauty that overflows, within the BDSM Community.
I will take your hand in Mine & we will navigate through the problems, questions & curiosities. Even if your day-to-day is vanilla, you deserve to explore your desires.
Maybe you want to understand someone who lives in the BDSM world or unearth your own curiosity? When you harness your creativity & mental release in the bedroom, you will succeed in many other areas of your life. This is discussed, in Napoleon Hill’s book “Think and Grow Rich”. In Chapter 11, “The Mystery of Sex Transmutation” he says, “The road to genius consists of the development, control, and use of sex, love, and romance. “ Yes, this info-gem, is in a “get rich” book!
If you do not have a Mentor, Goddess, Domme or Queen, you have found One now! Let Me be your Teacher, disciplinarian, mentor and queen! If you learn anything from My stories and knowledge, know that what I say, is about loving yourself and that you can do anything. My purpose is to take the misunderstanding OUT of BDSM and those who enjoy fetishes that others may not understand. I want submissives and Dommes, to succeed with ease and pleasure.
BDSM is becoming more mainstream. People are realizing their sexual potential, beyond simple sex. Power Exchange in relationships is such a satisfying way to engage. Any variety of D/s relationships can provide stimulation that surpasses Society's idea of how it should look or be. You will learn with Me, as I take you through the journeys of the mind and soul of the submissives that I control/led and what methods I use, to become the best Domme, that I can be.
There is no limit, to success. As I said, in the beginning, if you can harness your creativity and mental release in the bedroom, you will succeed in many other areas of your life. Enjoy and rate the episodes, if you have a moment. Sincerely, Chastity Queen "Chastity is freedom!"
Chastity Queen xoxo
Diaries of a Domme + Questions Answered, by Chastity Queen
WIVES! Embrace Your Role as a Domme and Empower Your Sissy Husband!
Curious about stepping into the world of female dominance and exploring new relationship dynamics? Unlock the secrets to a fulfilling partnership as I guide one listener through her journey in embracing her husband's desire to become a chastity wearing sissy, while she steps into her role as a Domme. In this eye-opening episode of Diaries of a Domme, join me, Chastity Queen, as I discuss the challenges of breaking free from societal expectations and traditional gender roles. Learn how to cultivate a dominant mindset, explore tools like floggers and sensory toys, and enhance your relationship through open communication and mutual pleasure.
Get ready to challenge outdated norms and discover the liberating power of BDSM. From sensation play to shibari workshops, I cover essential advice for safe and consensual exploration of kinks and fetishes. With resources like FetLife and community events such as munches, you'll find opportunities to connect with others and deepen your relationship with your partner. Emphasizing safety, consent, and the importance of communication, this episode is your guide to experiencing growth, intimacy, and a more satisfying connection with your partner.
Enjoy!
CQ
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Thank you for tuning in to Diaries of a Dom, plus questions answered with me Chastity Queen. So today I have a very interesting episode. I got a message, an email, from a wife of a man who wants to be her sissy. Before we begin, be sure to join my OnlyFans. You can go to my Night Flirt as well and we can talk there under Chastity Queen. You can go to my link tree backward, slash Chastity Queen and get all of my affiliate discounts and the other social media platforms that I am on. See me on FetLife and we can chat there. I'm not on there all of the time, but please, if you want, send me a friend request and I will eventually get to it and even respond to emails when I have a chance. So let's get right into it.
Speaker 1:I was very excited, first of all, to receive this email. I can't say how much I love hearing from women who are in this position. Just a beautiful position. I'll read it to you. Just a beautiful position. I'll read it to you. Hello, chastity Queen. My name is, and then she gives me her name.
Speaker 1:I came across your information through various podcasts I was listening to on Spotify that you were a guest speaker on. I'm reaching out because my husband recently said to me he's interested in being a sissy and having a dom and wanting me to be his dom, which I am very interested in doing for us and for him. However, I don't know the first real steps to beginning and I was reaching out to see if there's any other specific podcasts on how to get into the Dom mindset and how to make this a loving experience. Is there any recommendations you have for where I can learn how to properly implement tools used such as floggers, riding crops and other impact and sensory toys? We have a locked-in lust cage already and he loves it, but I want to learn how to give pleasure and denial in this specific way. I hope this question makes sense. I'm open to learning more and anything and everything I can find out there. Thank you for your time. I am so thrilled when I get emails like this.
Speaker 1:As I said, you know, female supremacy, female dominance, men who submit in whatever capacity they're able to submit to me is producing a higher experience on this planet. I think that the more that women take over and men submit, that there can be loving and nurturing dominance that often men who are alphas or doms don't always bring to the table. I'm not saying that there aren't loving male doms there are, of course but you know, men definitely approach things physically and women bring not only the physicality but a deeper sense of emotion and sometimes more empathy. It's an interesting dynamic and it makes a female dominant so much different than a male dom, really. Let me go through her message here so that I can go point by point, because I did mention to her that I decided I would do a podcast specifically for this. Now, I have talked about it on other podcasts in the past and you know she can go there as well to hear some more advice or tips or tricks, etc. But I want to just directly speak to her.
Speaker 1:As you know, I am very excited for her journey with her husband. I really am. The fact that, first of all, she is open-minded and willing to do this for them as a couple is a testament to her love for her husband. Really, there are so many women out there and I don't understand why, because of course I'm a femdom and when you know the benefits of a DS within that relationship, it's hard to imagine why any woman would not want to enter into that kind of an arrangement and it has nothing to do with well, you know he's dominant, he would never submit. For me, it's about the ability to role play, to have fun, to experiment and you know, just because a man might be dominant doesn't mean that he doesn't have a side that desires some pampering, desires their wife to get off, to be pleased, to enjoy herself, because that is a mark of a good lover. That's definitely something that elevates a partnership, that makes a man feel worthwhile and successful in his sexual relationship. So, whether you're sub or dom, when you want to please your partner, you will find success and you will reap the benefits. Find success and you will reap the benefits. So, first steps, I would say. When she asks what the first steps should be in the beginning, I would say that they have already taken a very strong first step in their cage, from locked in lust. Really, you know, owning a cage, putting your husband in the cage, will really begin the submissive journey for him. It is an act of submission to put a cage on your manhood and have a woman hold the keys. Another great beginning is that your husband reached out to you. He was honest and open and you want to engage with him. I mean that's a huge beginning as well.
Speaker 1:I hear from so many men about the upset that they feel because they know their wife is so conservative or in BDSM you call that vanilla To mention anything. Even to mention chastity can cause a huge uproar in the relationship, a huge rift, and I think that's based upon our societal boxes that we've been placed into. I mean for decades, even longer, I mean hundreds years. There's been such a fixation and expectation of you know, a man marries a woman, a woman has babies, they have animals and they grow old together and the man is dominant and in charge. And the man is dominant and in charge and the woman is feeble and you know she cooks and cleans and it's a very traditional expectation. That is, church has a lot to do with that vision of what relationships should be. It's a form of control. When there is a man and a wife and they have children, they procreate, they give to the church and, as they have, generations of family continue on, the religion is maintained and followed and the donations just never stop. Ultimately, the religious control lines the pockets of the people in those positions and I know it seems kind of extreme to say such a thing, but with my background you can understand.
Speaker 1:I came from an extremist background, very religiously extreme and very vanilla conservative. Even divorce was frowned upon, masturbation, it was very sexually repressed. And you know, when society fits into a mold then they're easily controlled. And now that things are shaken up in society and there is a break free, a breakout of people that are testing those norms, it causes a huge rift, a huge upset in government even. I mean, we know, I don't have to say who, I don't have to say what, you know, I don't like to get political, it's touchy, no-transcript. And that leaves families, it leaves partners, it leaves relationships in a weird place where anything outside of that box is strange and unusual and maybe weird, unusual and maybe weird.
Speaker 1:And so for a man to say, oh, I'd like to be the wife in the relationship, for example, well, that's frowned upon, that's just not popular, right. But I'm telling you Honestly, it doesn't take away from their manhood. Actually, I think it adds to their manhood, their masculinity, when they're able to put aside the role of man and choose to serve their lover, their wife, and play within that. You know, be feminized a little bit, be emasculated. Hey, you know what. It doesn't diminish who they are. It doesn't diminish what they were born, as it does not diminish their masculinity. Actually, you know, as I said before, and to me I find men who are willing to put themselves out there as more attractive, more enticing because they're serving their woman. There are no better lovers, in my opinion, than those men who want to please their partner. Hey, that goes for other genders too, you know. It goes for other sexual choices, other identities, I mean whatever it is and whoever you want to be with, regardless of their sexual organs, if you want to serve, that's a beautiful thing, and if you're willing to accept that service.
Speaker 1:So, with a woman, you know, put aside your understandings of what a relationship is supposed to look like or might feel more comfortable, as you know. Maybe you're more comfortable because you've seen men and women, you know, dominant, submissive, in that regular gender role. And when you step outside of that and as that woman requested you know information, she wants to know more about it, she wants to learn. I mean, that's somebody who has an open mind, she's not demonizing her husband for saying he wants to dress like a sissy and and certainly I need to make the point too that you know, I don't care what sexual identity you have, that's fine. But just because a man wants to dress up like a sissy, it's fine.
Speaker 1:But just because a man wants to dress up like a sissy or submit to a woman, that doesn't mean he is less than he or he's gay, you know. If he's bisexual, whatever. If he is gay, who cares? But what I want to just specify, and I want to make very clear, is that I have met many men who want to have a mistress for a wife and they want to be feminized. They want her to have fun, be amused, emasculate them. You know, even a little degradation, a little spanking, some, flogging, some, you know, all of this stuff lends itself to submitting to your woman, to your dom, to your mistress, and that in of itself does not make a man gay. Most crossdressers and it has been studied are actually not gay.
Speaker 1:They just enjoy the sensation of the female clothes and of the fact that they're giving themselves over to a woman. They are worshipping the female divine, female superiors. They admire, they respect the woman and everything that she stands for, her power as this being that can give birth to life. I mean, how can you not appreciate and be awe-inspired by that power that a woman has. You know, men can provide the sperm to make a woman pregnant, and that in itself is wonderful. Of course, without the sperm we can't have a baby, but the fact that we hold that life within us is really a powerful experience for a woman. But for a man to see that, I think that's where the appreciation comes from within that man, that man, to see what she is capable of, to see that she is a life giver. And so for a man to worship that is just not unusual to me. It's hard not to see that.
Speaker 1:You know men that don't appreciate it. Well, I think they're less than, honestly, I think, men who are afraid to dress up or be dressed up by their wife or by another woman, you know, a mistress. They're afraid. What are they afraid of, right? See, I think that's strange, I get it. I mean, I know men who are just masculine men. I mean that's just who they are, that's what they identify as, and I respect it and they're nice guys. But the ones who will just go that one step further and give it a shot just to make the woman happy, and even locking themselves up, I mean that's massive, Taking away the ability to masturbate and putting the keys in your partner's hands.
Speaker 1:You know a mistress, or your wife or your girlfriend. Well, that is an act of love. In my opinion, that's an act of major love. You're taking away that ability to be selfish and to just masturbate all the time. Or you know, maybe you want your wife to or your partner to start to dictate. You know what you can and can't do. Maybe she says no more porn. You know, if you're locked up, you can't masturbate. You're willing to do that for her. That shows an unselfish personality, that shows a desire to learn, a desire to be denied for her pleasure. And when you are denied, you want to please her more in any way she chooses. And you know. So.
Speaker 1:My writer here she's saying benefits. Well, you know. And how to begin. Well, you've already started. I mean, do some research, go online. I'm going to help you as much as I can. I will be happy to you know, provide more information about the benefits of having a sissy husband. I mean, he's going to clean your house. You can sit and have a glass of wine or a tea and or hot chocolate, or he can draw you a bubble bath or hot chocolate, or he can draw you a bubble bath. Well, he goes around and cleans the house. I mean, hey, that's fabulous.
Speaker 1:Now, that doesn't mean you have to become a slob. Of course you won't. You want to set a good standard for him. But he can start taking on some of these roles that society has said only women should be doing. Or, you know, the man works all day. Well, he should come home to a hot meal and a clean house.
Speaker 1:Just excuse my man voice, my mockery of that. It's funny. I mean, I grew up in that, right. It's funny. I mean I grew up in that right. Oh, the woman needs to be submissive and quiet and humble and she needs to just lay on the bed and have sex with him whenever he desires, spread her legs, not complain. You know, give your husband your due, his due. Give your husband his due. That's a joke, that's a joke. So, hey, you know, kudos to you.
Speaker 1:And when it comes to, for example, okay, implementing tools such as floggers, riding crops and other impact and sensory toys, well, I will say this riding crops and other impact and sensory toys, well, I will say this sensation, play with scarves and fabrics and touch, and you know, soft things and rubbing your fingers down his body or vice versa. That's self explanatory. You know you can learn different tactics as to how to increase the benefits of the sensation play oils, and it depends on your partner, what they enjoy, what you enjoy. But when it comes to floggers and riding crops and impact tools or let's get into, you know you're putting a ball gag in, you know you're maybe tying him up. Well, rope play requires some skill, requires some safety techniques, and I want you to go online. There's a lot of rope and bondage sites that can give you the step-by-step safety tools and I think that you know.
Speaker 1:The first thing I can say about rope is make sure there is a little bit of room and it's usually a two-finger rule, so you don't want the rope to be right on the skin tight. Okay, huge mistake, nerve damage can happen, and once nerve damage happens, it only takes one time and you cannot reverse it. So you know research that you can start off with some leather cuffs, so not handcuffs, not the metal ones. You can start off with some leather buckle cuffs, you know, or some soft ones, and you buckle it. You make sure there's a little bit of A variety of clips. You can go to the hardware store and you'll find all sorts of little clips. There's some that you know self-release, and there's some that don't. You can sort of choose what you like, but the key is, with the buckled wrist and ankle cuffs, you just attach those clips and you attach the wrist together or the ankles together and bada bing, bada boom. You are all set and you can play. You can do some bondage Now with rope, just you know what.
Speaker 1:Go to some tutorials. You can go to some shibari workshops through your local community. I would say, go on FetLife F-E-T-L-I-F. I'm on there under Chastity Queen. You can go to different groups for rope. You can learn a lot from the groups as to you know how to do it, how to be safe when you do it. The safety words I would say you know.
Speaker 1:One of the primary things you need to have is a safe word. You need to know what your husband's soft limits and hard limits are, and maybe he doesn't know what those are yet. But together you can explore. You can look at the different types of fetishes and the variety of things that you want to explore. Maybe you have some things you would like to explore. Right, you're open with him. Time for him to be open with you. You know safety, kindness.
Speaker 1:You can dom with ethics. I am an ethical dom. You can use your heart and you know the best doms. Use their heart, use their logic, use their empathy, because ultimately it's about pleasure for the two of you. Maybe he wants to experience some pain, some spanking. You can explore that together and you can be safe in doing so.
Speaker 1:And he can say, yeah, that one I didn't like so much. Or you can say I didn't really like that outfit on you, or I didn't like how you acted in those high heels. Maybe your behavior was a little off-putting, and then you can discuss why. I mean, this is a means of growth. This is a chance to learn, to grow together. You have to have a sense of humor. You have to have a sense of humor. Be sure to have a sense of humor and be open. You can't take anything personally and when you approach it that way, then you will be bound for success and you will want to go to events, bdsm parties. And you will want to go to events, bdsm parties. I tell you, I can say to you wholeheartedly get on FetLife, go to a munch, okay. Learn what a munch is A munch is just a non-kinkware event where you just go to a pub or a restaurant and there's usually like a private room or a private area that's reserved and you all get to know each other.
Speaker 1:Doesn't mean you have to play, but you can pick each other's brains. You can say hey, we're a new couple, give us some tips. You know what do you recommend? What local parties are fun? You know, when you go to a munch, often that allows you the ability to be vetted into a party. So if you've gone to a munch and you've met some people that throw the parties, then that's an easy access to an event and there will be rules for each event. You read the rules, you follow the protocols and you know at the very least you can go attend.
Speaker 1:Dress up in some kinky stuff, dress your husband up a little bit girly, you know. Even if he just wants to go in a cage, that's fine. Watch, be like a sponge Absorb. Watch some other doms See how they dom their partners. What appeals to you?
Speaker 1:You know you're going to learn your style in the absorption of watching others interact. You're going to be excited by certain scenes. You might be turned off by others. Same with your partner. He's going to absorb what he sees and he's going to tell you you know, or ask you, do you like that, my queen? He can tell you he likes how that scene is playing out and you can tell him if you some of the people that are in charge I really do recommend that you do that. You say, look, we're new, we're wanting to get to know some people, we're looking for mentors. I'm telling you right now, the people that are leading that party are going to have a wealth of information, not only that, a wealth of people that they can introduce you to. You know strong friendships, that they have acquaintances that might connect with you, and you know, when you engage in that sponge-like absorption, that will give you the knowledge and experience you need when you do finally decide to play in a certain genre.
Speaker 1:So you also mentioned denial. Okay, and how to do that? Well, tease and denial is one of the most exciting and erotic things you can do to your partner. Teasing a man will increase his desire for you, his desire to please you, and you know, the more that a man is denied and abstains from coming, the more submissive and willing to explore new things will unfold for you both.
Speaker 1:Now I want you to look up a book called Think and Grow Rich, the complete classic text by Napoleon Hill. I go to chapter 11. Okay, chapter 11 is my favorite chapter of this. So it's not just about being rich, it's about being abundant in every single which way. And chapter 11 is entitled the Mystery of Sex Transmutation, and it's the 10th step toward riches. So, yes, sexuality, exploring that, and denial, which this chapter discusses, really are ways to reach a higher level of abundance in your life. Okay, I'm going to read you a little something that I love Page 279 of my book, the Mystery of Sex Transmutation in Think and Grow Rich. It's the bound version, so it's the hardcover, so it could be a different page number in another book if it's softcover. This is something that really stood out to me.
Speaker 1:The road to genius consists of the development, control and use of sex, love and romance. Okay, I'm going to jump down. The mind is a creature of habit. It thrives upon the dominating thoughts fed it. Through the faculty of willpower, one may discourage the presence of any emotion and encourage the presence of any other. So listen to this part. Control of the mind through the power of will is not difficult. Control comes from persistence and habit. And here's the secret. The secret of control lies in understanding the process of transmutation, understanding the process of transmutation. When any negative emotion presents itself in one's mind, it can be transmuted into a positive or constructive emotion by the simple procedure of changing one's thoughts. There is no other road to genius than through voluntary self-effort. Okay, oh, there's so much more in this chapter that I love, but I enjoyed this portion as a dom.
Speaker 1:Another portion of this chapter talks about men's inherent desire to please a woman. Inherent desire to please a woman and how it started, way back when civilization began, and the reason why these men or cavemen at the time showed off and tried to impress partners or a partner. There's one sentence here that says it is the inherent desire of man to please woman which gives woman the power to make or break a man. So you know there's so much in here about how to funnel sexual energy from a man into other productive things and how to create success in their lives. And I suppose what I'm trying to get at is that, as a woman, you have the ability not only just to control or deny your partner, but to give them the tools to be a better man, not to break them but to make them, and we have it within our power to do this, and this is what I do often with many of my sissies and slaves and my live-in partner. I do expect them to up their game and they're willing to do it because they want to impress me. You know, like the cavemen, they show how strong they are to you know, get the woman or get the partner of choice, and the more they impress us and the more they please us, the happier we become, and that gives them even more driving force and motivation to continue and to up the game. So you're on a beautiful path right now and you know the doors are wide open because you opened them for your partner. You've given him a gift and now he will find many ways to show his appreciation. I'm quite confident about that. So thank you for writing me.
Speaker 1:I will talk a little bit more about it, I'm sure, in the future again, and do your research and reach out to people, find your community. You're not alone. There are a lot of women right now that are being approached by their partners to say the exact same thing, and you know the results are going to be different, in that many of the women are going to be put off and shocked and questioning everything. But there's a few very intelligent women who really absorb that request and realize it's to their benefit. So I say, take full advantage and enjoy it.
Speaker 1:Being a dom doesn't mean just hurting or degrading. You can negotiate all of the different aspects of your DS and you're going to find that it evolves. It will evolve. So I say, take it one day at a time. So thank you for writing into me and I hope this helps. Anybody else who is in this process maybe is wondering should I tell my wife you know how do I do it? How is she going to react? Well, this woman here that wrote me is an example of the fact that there are women that are willing to engage because they love their partner. They're not afraid. These women are the pioneers of the future. So get kinky, do your research, be safe, have fun. Thank you for listening and bye for now.