Diaries of a Domme + Questions Answered, by Chastity Queen
Strap yourself in for lots of kinky and open dialogue from a Woman who has experience with Pro-Domming and the BDSM Lifestyle. Her live-in chaste sissy sub joins in on some of the open discussions involving kink, chastity, BDSM and what it means to be a good Domme and sub.
Are you are drawn to BDSM & wondered why? Do the dynamics in a D/s relationship, intrigue you? Do you feel the submissive cravings, but cannot express that in your current relationship, or as a single person? Or, are you a female dominant and want to explore that powerful side of yourself? Does the concept of control & mental power exchange, wet your intellectual interest? Maybe you are currently in the BDSM scene and fighting to find joy. Do you have a D/s relationship but need to understand how to successfully satisfy your partner? I have the answers and many stories to share.
It is high time that I share My enriching journey, as a proud Female Dominant. I have been a Lifestyle Domme, for 10+ years & have met 100s of submissives. These, have served Me, looked up to Me & TAUGHT ME so many things about the human mind & its willingness to obey. In those thrilling years, I have learnt the delicate balance between a submissive mind and his/her body and the role I play. My knowledge + personal stories are rich with secrets, for submissives & Dommes.
I specialize in chastity, Femdom, crossdressers, humiliation play, emasculation and have experience in ABDL/DL, E-stimulation, urethral sounds, the mind games that make a Sadist so powerful and the vast Dungeon tools + tricks, that make up a High Protocol, BDSM Dungeon. Consent & physical safety will be discussed. The psychological and mental health aspects of BDSM will be discussed.
BDSM scratches so many mental itches & there are always reasons for those cravings. There will be cautionary tales, that you can learn from. There will also be much to realize, from the beauty that overflows, within the BDSM Community.
I will take your hand in Mine & we will navigate through the problems, questions & curiosities. Even if your day-to-day is vanilla, you deserve to explore your desires.
Maybe you want to understand someone who lives in the BDSM world or unearth your own curiosity? When you harness your creativity & mental release in the bedroom, you will succeed in many other areas of your life. This is discussed, in Napoleon Hill’s book “Think and Grow Rich”. In Chapter 11, “The Mystery of Sex Transmutation” he says, “The road to genius consists of the development, control, and use of sex, love, and romance. “ Yes, this info-gem, is in a “get rich” book!
If you do not have a Mentor, Goddess, Domme or Queen, you have found One now! Let Me be your Teacher, disciplinarian, mentor and queen! If you learn anything from My stories and knowledge, know that what I say, is about loving yourself and that you can do anything. My purpose is to take the misunderstanding OUT of BDSM and those who enjoy fetishes that others may not understand. I want submissives and Dommes, to succeed with ease and pleasure.
BDSM is becoming more mainstream. People are realizing their sexual potential, beyond simple sex. Power Exchange in relationships is such a satisfying way to engage. Any variety of D/s relationships can provide stimulation that surpasses Society's idea of how it should look or be. You will learn with Me, as I take you through the journeys of the mind and soul of the submissives that I control/led and what methods I use, to become the best Domme, that I can be.
There is no limit, to success. As I said, in the beginning, if you can harness your creativity and mental release in the bedroom, you will succeed in many other areas of your life. Enjoy and rate the episodes, if you have a moment. Sincerely, Chastity Queen "Chastity is freedom!"
Chastity Queen xoxo
Diaries of a Domme + Questions Answered, by Chastity Queen
Finding Your Path in the World of Femdom Dynamics
What if embracing discomfort could lead to a deeper understanding of yourself and your relationships? Join Me, Chastity Queen, as I reflect on my journey to becoming a successful female Dominant and share the fascinating intricacies of Domme/sub/slave dynamics. Through personal stories, I highlight the importance of curiosity, adaptability, and mutual respect in navigating the Femdom lifestyle. Discover how embracing new fetishes and interests—sometimes those that initially seem uncomfortable—can enrich and deepen your connection with your sub, as illustrated through my evolving relationship with My sub, Bunny.
We'll talk about setting boundaries, understanding personal comfort levels, and the invaluable role of Mentorship in mastering these complex dynamics. I'll also address common misconceptions about financial domination and emphasize the genuine motivations needed to explore these roles effectively.
Finally, we turn inward to discuss the crucial importance of self-love and respect within the Femdom lifestyle, underscoring that being a Femdom who respects Herself is key to earning respect from others. Join Me on this enlightening journey to find personal fulfillment and mutual happiness in your Domme/sub/slave relationship/s.
Chastity Queen
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Thank you for tuning in to Diaries of a Dom, plus questions answered with me Chastity Queen. So today I want to talk about something that I think is important. I think it's a very timely topic and I want to talk about doms. I want to talk about learning what you like, what you love, and then being able to implement that with your sub or slave. So before I begin, don't forget, get yourself a beautiful chastity device. You can choose from so many at Locked in Lust and you can use my promo discount code for 15% off. And it's Chastity Queen, all caps, all one word. Now that is stackable. So if they have any promotions, you can still use my code, so go for it. You can also look for the rest of my links here on the podcast or you can go to my link tree backwards slash chastity queen. So thank you so much ahead of time for that support.
Speaker 1:I'm going to reflect upon my beginning as a dom and then, if you're listening and you want to become a dom, you can learn a little bit about how I walk through that process. Something that I need to make very clear is that within any relationship at the beginning of a dynamic, there are always going to be growing pains going to be growing pains, and the same can be said for a woman who has decided, for any number of reasons, that she connects with being a femdom and because of that, she's now on a brand new path. That path can be extremely frightening. I can attest to that. When I first realized that I had the ability to be a female dominant, that there were men in this beautiful world of ours that worship women, who think we are supreme, who believe we're goddesses and queens and mistresses that are incredibly exhilarating and powerful for them to serve under, it's great. I mean, I was surrounded by misogyny and I didn't realize how many men are the complete opposite. When I started to dive into online sites and interact in messaging with other slaves and other doms, and when I went to munches and asked many, many, many questions, I asked a lot of questions. I'm sure I was annoying, but I was so excited, I was so curious and I think that for a female dominant, curiosity can be the key to her success.
Speaker 1:If you walk in with a very static, if you walk in with a very static, abrupt way of dealing with the DS dynamic and you think that you're going to walk in there and men are going to fall to their knees immediately and worship you and hand you clothes and buy you high heels and give you expensive gifts and treat you like a queen right off the bat just because you have the title femdom, mistress, queen, even master some women enjoy that title. If you believe that you're delusional and you may find one person or two people, maybe even three people that initially decide that they want to give it a shot with you, but with that mindset you're never going to last, that relationship is doomed and you need to reorganize your priorities and you have to understand why men worship women. They have a deep respect for the female gender and with that respect is an expectation that you can be respected. So how you behave is extremely important. Just like men who are misogynistic, just like men who are misogynistic, they demand respect and they may find a girlfriend or a partner that gives them that respect. At the beginning, during the honeymoon period, maybe they're attracted to that person's looks, but it's within. The strength comes from within. It's not what you're wearing, it's not what you demand. It's not an immediate carte blanche situation where you get to do whatever you want just because your title is Dom. Hey, the same goes for sub or slave.
Speaker 1:I see many men who call themselves a submissive or a slave and then they top from the bottom, they get demanding, they get whiny and grumpy and angry if you're not giving them what they want feeding their fetish. So it works both ways. What you need to do is you need to really research when you begin this amazing journey and it can be incredibly satisfying and fulfilling you need to know that there will be growing pains and you must adapt. You must also understand that the things that you don't like now, you may evolve to enjoy them based upon the slave or submissive that you're with. Right, I have met so many men who have taught me about new fetishes, nuanced things you know, completely outside of my wheelhouse of even consideration, and as they served me according to the way I wish to be served, I interacted and I started to learn about some other things that they were interested in and that flexibility in learning about that fetish, whatever it might be, can open up the relationship and create a depth that never existed at the beginning.
Speaker 1:All of my DS relationships have evolved greatly. The one I have with Bunny is always evolving and at the beginning it was a DS and I was the dom and he's the slave or sub and he enjoyed boot worship and chastity and impact. Now he's a cuck and I never considered I would ever be a cuckoldress ever. He was afraid to tell me and when he did tell me as you may or may not have heard in my previous podcasts it was uncomfortable for me. It really was. It was uncomfortable for me, it really was. But I think the only way that we can learn is through some level of uncomfortability.
Speaker 1:And yes, you can say no. I mean, you've got to respect yourself. You have to say no, that's not for me. And if it's an absolute hard no, you move forward and they can stay or they can go right. That's just the nature of being a dom. It's important to be honest. But you also must be curious, you must research, like urethral soundings.
Speaker 1:For me, at the beginning of being a dom, that was one thing I said I will absolutely not do. I didn't want to hurt the man. I didn't understand it. I found it was weird All of these kind of judgmental opinions or squeamish feelings about it, and I know even some men are kind of squeamish about it too. Men are kind of squeamish about it too. But throughout my experience as a dom and then getting into physically meeting with slaves in my dungeon, I learned so much about different. It doesn't hurt anybody, it doesn't diminish your strength as a woman, it actually increases it Because you are willing to go places. Other people are not. As I said, if it's a no, it's a no, but if you're curious, look into it. For me, even my nose made me curious and I think as you grow in your life this new frame of mind. You know I've been working on many different things within my own personality.
Speaker 1:I think it's important that we all do inner work. Before we can successfully interact at 100% with others, we need to work on ourselves. We cannot blame others for our lack, and I've done that and because of that personal growth on a basic level, I have improved my life so much. So you know, being a dom is about be a river, or it can be lightning Right. You can water the flowers or you can destroy them with your fire, and you don't want to do that.
Speaker 1:I know that some women get into doming because they've had bad experiences and they just want to be on the other side. They want to be the one in charge. They're sick and tired of bending a knee to men and they get a bit of a chip on their shoulders. I'm going to be honest, they do. And when you get a group of women like that together and they all have chips, it's really a recipe for disaster. I mean, I know somebody. He was so loyal, he did so much for his dom. He loved her. He still loves her, I'm sure of it.
Speaker 1:And you know, one day he just couldn't take the impact and she was with her girlfriends and you know fellow doms, and because of the ego she wanted to show off and she continued. And when he needed to stop, she broke up with him. She kicked him out because he had embarrassed her in front of her other dominant friends and she wanted to look tough. Well, I'm just going to cut him right off. Right, you're out, you're gone. And he dealt with a lot of pain and injury because of that. He was already hurting and that's why he needed her to stop. He was already injured and he needed her to stop.
Speaker 1:There was no empathy. So that's important as well. So we've got curiosity. Okay, be curious, we have empathy. That is crucial when you know how somebody feels on the other end of that paddle, on the other end of that whip, on the other end of the hand. Then that knowledge is insight and it provides you with some empathy.
Speaker 1:I tried every tool in my dungeon and when I say I tried, I mean I had it applied in my dungeon, and when I say I tried, I mean I had it applied to my body. That's why so many submissive women make good doms, because they understand what it is to take the pain or obey or serve, and then, when they're on the other side of the table, they are able to deliver with ethics and empathy. So I would say ethics is also quite important. So curiosity, empathy and ethics Read up on protocols, on dominant protocols. What do the old guard doms do? What did they do? I mean these women are starting to disappear Because the way of the present and how things are looking going forward is disturbing to many of us. I wouldn't consider myself old guard, but I know women who are and I've listened to their stories and I understand their concerns. I understand the things that bother them about the new way. I guess that's a topic for another day because there's a lot of ins and outs to that and it can get lengthy.
Speaker 1:I think it's very important that as you grow in your domhood as I did you are willing to adapt Each and every. You are willing to adapt. Each and every slave that is under you is unique to themselves. You cannot treat everyone the same. You can't just plug a slave in, put yourself there in that picture, do what you want and expect the same results every single time. No, that would be just disaster. You have to sit, you have to negotiate, and part of the negotiation is to say hey, you know what? Maybe you say you're new, maybe you say you've only been doming, for you know this amount of time, or you're exploring and you're good at this, or you want to learn more about that. And if you have a servant who wants to learn with you, then that's wonderful. But I think it's very important to be transparent, be honest. They will give you more latitude. They will give you more time as you learn. You can go to rope socials Bunny and I did Rope socials munches parties, watching people talking to people with various instruments, people who do the whip and do fire cupping and all sorts of amazing things that you can explore.
Speaker 1:Sensation play that's BDSM, you know. It can fall into the vanilla category too, because a lot of people in vanilla land enjoy sensation massages and touch, and that it's powerful. It's a dom tool. If you use sensation play in tandem with impact as an aftercare or as a foreplay into your session, into your scene, you are going to make it a well-rounded experience, and it's something that's wonderful for the dom too, because it gives you time to relax and ease into a scene.
Speaker 1:You don't have to come out just swinging. It's exhausting. I think a lot of subs don't understand how exhausting it can be to be a dom, roping somebody up and then edging them and and oh, that's fun. But then they want to be whipped and then they want to. You know urethral sounding and they want this, and that you have to find a balance. You know, even as a pro, I would say to a slave well, you want, you want 10 things on this list. Well then, you better book me for three hours, because I can't just get all of that done in a one hour session. It's impossible. Or you can stay for one hour and we'll do two of those things and I incorporate a little bit of sensation play and it's wonderful, but you have to set boundaries. You have to set boundaries for yourself If you don't feel comfortable in a certain aspect of domination maybe you're very uncomfortable with whips and a slave comes to you and says you're a dom, can you whip me? You can say no, not at this time. I can do this, this and this. Are you interested? I'm still learning, I'm still being mentored. I'm still being mentored. That's also important. Mentorship Put it on your list.
Speaker 1:Go to parties, watch very closely. You are going to know who is excellent at a particular skill, not only from watching, but from hearing everybody commenting around you. You'll find that BDSM events. A lot of people will be really zoned in on a scene and they will talk amongst themselves in the seating area about that person and you will find out how long they've been doing it, for how many slaves they have, why they're so good at what they do. And you will also hear the flip side, which is if somebody is doing something incorrectly and you see the dungeon monitor walking over and saying, hey, this, that and the other, and they have to stop or they cut the scene off, then you can also learn from other people's mistakes.
Speaker 1:Big time I've seen people pass out on the cross and when they were let down. They weren't cautiously let down and they fell and hit their head literally and there was blood. Fell and hit their head literally and there was blood, because when somebody is in subspace they're not standing with two feet on the ground. Mentally they're in a different world. It really is a dopamine dump and you can be flying so high that you you can't even stand up. I know many subs and I've had that happen to me multiple, multiple times. They can hardly stand. I always have a hand on my slave after I've whipped him and used the tools and as I undo him, I always have my body right up against him, undoing him so that he has that stability and as I help him down, I'm always there and I have a chair close by.
Speaker 1:These are all little things that you must learn and you need to guide your slave. Tell them to take it easy. Don't get up too quickly, you know, sit down and relax or lay on the bed, maybe put, you know, some ice or something cold on their impact spots so that they can have some relief and rewards. I want to talk about rewards just quickly. If a slave is a good slave, reward them. You will know as individuals what they enjoy and you will know how to reward them.
Speaker 1:And if you are doming and you're successful and you are satisfying the fetish and kink needs of your slave, that slave needs to also reciprocate. It's a give and take, 100%. It's not one gets everything and the other gets nothing. I think a lot of doms feel when they get into it that they're in charge and their slave does everything for them everything. That's just not realistic and that's also just not fair, unless that is the negotiated dynamic. But I will let you all know that that is very uncommon to have a slave who will do everything and anything for you with nothing in return. Extremely and I know there's been an influx of fin doms out there who think that they can get a quick buck online. What they do is look pretty, stick their finger up their middle finger and say pay, and there may be a time when you are lucky and you get one. But the majority of these men are just dom collectors. You might get a few bucks, but eventually it stops Right. Or they get what they want and they're done with you, right. There's no give and take in that situation. It's very, very rare and I think a lot of people are looking for a quick buck.
Speaker 1:But if you're entering into BDSM and wanting to become a femdom, you need to review your motivations. If your motivation is to explore and to enter into an exciting new world where there's a beautiful power dynamic that can be extremely rewarding and satisfying for both parties, then you are not going to fail. Seriously, you are going to come across some of these men who are time wasters, who are trying to top from the bottom, and some are very skilled at hiding their manipulation. So you need to learn about human behavior. You need to start to think about psychology, the psychology of domination and submission. You have to look at what kind of a slave do I want? Do I want a foot slave? Do I want a pet? Do I want a masochist? Do I want a sensation player? Do I want a pony boy? There's so many options. Do I want a furry sub? You know? Do I want an AB? You will figure that out. That's going to take time, growing pains, right. So I think I'm going to leave it at that for now.
Speaker 1:As I said, everything takes time and the journey is certainly exciting. I have enjoyed it, but it's challenging, definitely along the way, because you're learning about yourself. You are realizing some things that are not so nice about yourself, about others, and you have to realize that and adapt. And the reason why you adapt is so that you can find that partner or partners who provides the things that you need to fill your soul. Forget material, I mean, that's a bonus, but filling your soul and filling their soul in a DS dynamic. Everything else is gravy, really. So thank you for listening.
Speaker 1:And if you're a slave or sub, I just want to tell you that if you have a dom who appears to be quite one-sided and there's a pattern of that, or she's crossing the line when you have hard limits, then you need to have a discussion with her, remind her about your limits and if it doesn't stop, you need to put aside that desire to be owned and realize that you are worth it. And there are other doms out there that are balanced and can give you what you need, can give you what you need. So never feel stuck. Same goes for the doms. You may have slaves and you may think well, finally, I'm a real dom because I've got slaves, but maybe one of the slaves is demanding and, in his own way, degrading.
Speaker 1:You have to love yourself first. You're not in this to punish men. You're in this to find the men that you want to love and that love you and that want to make you happy. And if your motives are not to make men happy, then you will never be happy. You may feel happy in the moment that you throw the whip and impact that man's ass and he squeals. You may get a giggle, you may laugh, you may enjoy it, but I tell you it will be short lived.
Speaker 1:So think hard about all of these aspects and if you are doing everything in your ability to learn, to educate, to discuss, looking within, then you're on the right path and you're going to find the fulfillment that you crave from men as a femdom. It's there. It is there, but be the femdom that you want to be inside, someone that you can respect, because if you can respect yourself, then there is no question that others will respect you, and that really is the point being respected. So thank you for listening. I hope you enjoyed and have a wonderful day. Enjoy your doming and buy slaves. Thank you, thank you.