Diaries of a Domme + Questions Answered, by Chastity Queen
Strap yourself in for lots of kinky and open dialogue from a Woman who has experience with Pro-Domming and the BDSM Lifestyle. Her live-in chaste sissy sub joins in on some of the open discussions involving kink, chastity, BDSM and what it means to be a good Domme and sub.
Are you are drawn to BDSM & wondered why? Do the dynamics in a D/s relationship, intrigue you? Do you feel the submissive cravings, but cannot express that in your current relationship, or as a single person? Or, are you a female dominant and want to explore that powerful side of yourself? Does the concept of control & mental power exchange, wet your intellectual interest? Maybe you are currently in the BDSM scene and fighting to find joy. Do you have a D/s relationship but need to understand how to successfully satisfy your partner? I have the answers and many stories to share.
It is high time that I share My enriching journey, as a proud Female Dominant. I have been a Lifestyle Domme, for 10+ years & have met 100s of submissives. These, have served Me, looked up to Me & TAUGHT ME so many things about the human mind & its willingness to obey. In those thrilling years, I have learnt the delicate balance between a submissive mind and his/her body and the role I play. My knowledge + personal stories are rich with secrets, for submissives & Dommes.
I specialize in chastity, Femdom, crossdressers, humiliation play, emasculation and have experience in ABDL/DL, E-stimulation, urethral sounds, the mind games that make a Sadist so powerful and the vast Dungeon tools + tricks, that make up a High Protocol, BDSM Dungeon. Consent & physical safety will be discussed. The psychological and mental health aspects of BDSM will be discussed.
BDSM scratches so many mental itches & there are always reasons for those cravings. There will be cautionary tales, that you can learn from. There will also be much to realize, from the beauty that overflows, within the BDSM Community.
I will take your hand in Mine & we will navigate through the problems, questions & curiosities. Even if your day-to-day is vanilla, you deserve to explore your desires.
Maybe you want to understand someone who lives in the BDSM world or unearth your own curiosity? When you harness your creativity & mental release in the bedroom, you will succeed in many other areas of your life. This is discussed, in Napoleon Hill’s book “Think and Grow Rich”. In Chapter 11, “The Mystery of Sex Transmutation” he says, “The road to genius consists of the development, control, and use of sex, love, and romance. “ Yes, this info-gem, is in a “get rich” book!
If you do not have a Mentor, Goddess, Domme or Queen, you have found One now! Let Me be your Teacher, disciplinarian, mentor and queen! If you learn anything from My stories and knowledge, know that what I say, is about loving yourself and that you can do anything. My purpose is to take the misunderstanding OUT of BDSM and those who enjoy fetishes that others may not understand. I want submissives and Dommes, to succeed with ease and pleasure.
BDSM is becoming more mainstream. People are realizing their sexual potential, beyond simple sex. Power Exchange in relationships is such a satisfying way to engage. Any variety of D/s relationships can provide stimulation that surpasses Society's idea of how it should look or be. You will learn with Me, as I take you through the journeys of the mind and soul of the submissives that I control/led and what methods I use, to become the best Domme, that I can be.
There is no limit, to success. As I said, in the beginning, if you can harness your creativity and mental release in the bedroom, you will succeed in many other areas of your life. Enjoy and rate the episodes, if you have a moment. Sincerely, Chastity Queen "Chastity is freedom!"
Chastity Queen xoxo
Diaries of a Domme + Questions Answered, by Chastity Queen
DOMMES! Embrace Dominance Rituals BUT Expect Fear.
What if embracing dominance could transform your life, allowing you to step into a role that feels innately yours? Join me, Chastity Queen, as I unravel the ritualistic beauty of dominance and submission within the BDSM lifestyle. Through an engaging dinner conversation with one of my submissives, we explore how our sessions mirror rituals, offering profound insights into the strategic and contemplative nature of true dominance. This episode is a deep dive into my personal journey from a submissive upbringing to confidently claiming my place as a dominant woman, despite societal norms that often resist such roles. Together, we'll confront fears and past traumas, moving toward a more authentic expression of self.
This episode also shines a light on the detailed and powerful rituals that make femdom experiences richly rewarding. By embracing these practices, dominants can create a mental and emotional space conducive to empowerment and fulfillment. You'll hear personal stories about the importance of protocol, patience, and underscoring the need for dominants to have the time and space to fully embody their roles. Whether you're a seasoned participant or just curious about the complexities of BDSM, this conversation promises to offer thought-provoking perspectives on navigating these relationships with care and intent.
Enjoy,
Chastity Queen
Thank you for tuning in to Diaries of a Dom, plus questions answered with me. Chastity Queen Of course. You can look at my link tree backwards slash Chastity Queen for all of my social media links and affiliations. You can go to Locked in Lust and get yourself a very secure, very tight chastity cage using promo code CHASTITYQUEEN all caps all one word for a 15% off discount is also stackable.
Speaker 1:So today I want to talk about the ritual of domination, and one of my slaves talked to me over dinner one evening. It was a pre-Valentine's Day, lobster dinner, and we were discussing our many sessions that we had at my dungeon and the process that I went through with him each and every time, and he said to me it was much like a ritual, and when I reflected upon how I dealt with all of the men that would come in to see me, it was very specifically ritualistic. So I want to talk a little bit about that and why so? Strap yourself in and get yourself a coffee or a tea or a wine and listen while I talk to you about the ritual of submitting to me. So firstly, I would like to say that being a dom requires a very specific headspace and a determination and a conclusion that you are dominant, that you are dominant. You can't begin to dominate other individuals without having that express understanding with yourself. It's a conversation you will have with yourself as a woman, if you're a femdom or a man, as a dom, a master, you will recognize that within yourself. You won't just haphazardly go through life exerting your dominance without being able to identify that do travel through life and exert their control or dominance without really identifying that that is what they are and they just do it. It's natural, it's innate within them. And yet at times you will find that these ones can lose that semblance of control or mastery over their personality because they start to take on a form of cruelty at times, maybe disrespecting others, maybe being a boss at a company and having that natural alpha personality, but taking it too far.
Speaker 1:And I think the difference between a natural occurring dominance and that which is born from a desire to connect with others and within BDSM is that it is definitely strategic, it is contemplative, it is something that you can identify. And then you ask yourself well, how will I pursue this? This is my natural way of being, but how can I pursue this in my relationships rather than just outside, in you know, a work setting, or on the road when you're driving, or within a family dynamic. How can you put this into practice with a relationship? And I think it takes a lot of forethought, a lot of planning, because being dominant is not just a title, but it's an experience. It's a full body experience For me. I can affirm to you that it is something that I experience within my whole body, my whole mind, my whole soul. I can feel it in every cell of my body, in every cell of my body, and I can balance that with other personality traits or other behaviors based upon the to yourself. Okay, how do I approach my way of dealing with others? How do I approach it? How do I deal with it? How do I put it into practice with a level of balance and safety?
Speaker 1:And you know, when you become a dom, a femdom who decides that they are going to do this in a professional nature, it makes you wonder. How do you just come right out of the gate and start saying I'm the dom and you're the religion where the women are to serve and the men are the leaders? I had to put who I was into a brand new frame. I took it out of the old frame and I had to find a new frame, and that could be a challenge. You have to ask yourself well, who am I now? That is exactly how I felt. Who am I? How can I do this? Do I have the ability?
Speaker 1:I think a lot of doms feel that way. They know that they would love to have a more dominant role within their relationship and in life in general, and yet they've been brought up in a society where that is somewhat taboo or it's unexpected, or your habits, the way that you were brought up or raised, don't coincide with the person that you really feel that you are and you know men who can identify as subs and slaves can probably connect with that feeling, because societally, many of these men who are substance slaves in private are living a very alpha life and that's okay. But to switch over into submission can be a very scary proposition, and the same goes for a dom. I'm telling you, believe me when I say most of the best doms were the most frightened at the beginning of their journey into domination, because they did not want to see repeated the things that were put upon them as a more submissive person, because they understand the hurt. They understand the mistakes that are happening and those mistakes end up lying on the backs of those who are just taking it from the dominant person, and I don't think anybody wants to repeat any bad behavior or become that thing that they dislike. It makes total sense. I mean I was very frightened.
Speaker 1:I had confidence in my abilities. Of course I always did, even as I grew up, and I was expected to only speak when spoken to and to think before I spoke and to obey and clean and cook and serve and help. I mean, that was my life, that was the expectation in my life, and I had become quite good at it at that. But I knew deep down inside that I was capable of doing so much more. I was able to do so much more. And I didn't feel that there was a trust there from those that were taking the lead, the men, the fathers, the brothers, the cousins, the uncles who were in charge and who would constantly berate me for speaking out of turn or asking a question because that wasn't the way, and then they would just validate that with saying that's not God's way. So you've got a lot of pressure.
Speaker 1:As an individual who comes out of a society such as that. I don't even know if you call it a society. It's a collective of religious fanatics who drill into your mind that that's how you are supposed to be as a woman. As a female, you are supposed to be in submission and you are to listen and obey and not speak. To listen and obey and not speak. So to take on the role of dominance and to be able to be the one that is leading and speaking and in charge is exciting, of course, and, as I said, I had full confidence in myself that I was able and capable to do all of which other men were currently doing. I knew I could do it just as well, just as effectively as them, no matter what the task, whether it be physical labor, whether it be speaking.
Speaker 1:I was a great speaker in that religion and I do believe it threatened some of the men who weren't such adept speakers as I was, and you know when they would do building projects. I would be helpful and I would put in my two cents, and nobody enjoyed that, and I was just trying to help. I thought, well, what about if we look at it in this frame of mind? Or why don't we do that, or why don't we do that? Or why don't we include that person and let them help a bit, because they're capable as well? Oh, no, no, no.
Speaker 1:So anyway, what I'm trying to get at is women who are used to being submissive, brought up that way no matter what the scenario is, who know deep down within that they are dominant and they want to act that out. And it's not something that for me. It wasn't something that I wanted revenge, it wasn't a revenge thing, it wasn't a. I want to humiliate them because they've humiliated me all of my life and they've degraded me. And hey, I'll be honest, I got degraded constantly and it was very demoralizing. I would feel like a little speck of dirt on the ground when I did not obey as I was expected to obey, was expected to obey, or I didn't satisfy the needs of those who were expecting a meal or expecting the house to be clean and it wasn't clean enough or it wasn't, you know, like all these little tiny, little nitpicky things, and they felt they had the right to degrade me. And you know, I've never felt like I want revenge.
Speaker 1:When I first looked into domination, I steered very clear of sadism who was cruel and mean, and I never wanted to be that to anybody, because I understood how it felt to be treated like that, with cruelty and negativity and degradation, and I did not want to do that. It just wasn't in me. Of course. Now I look at sadism in a different frame, in a different way, and I realize that it's not about being mean or cruel. It's just about a different style of control within a DS. That's consensual, it's acceptable.
Speaker 1:If somebody wants to be called a loser, I'm not being mean. That is something that makes them feel good for a number of very complex reasons sometimes. Feel good for a number of very complex reasons sometimes. And who am I to question that really? And I'm good at it. I suppose I'm good at it because I understand what it means to be degraded. I know what it takes. So for me to build a skill set in degradation, humiliation and sadism in and of itself is just not hard for me. But it doesn't stem from hatred. I just observed it. And when you are shocked into the reality that there are some people who enjoy it and that they would accept it from you without thinking that you are an awful human being, then there is definitely a sense of liberation with that and I felt liberated in so many different ways.
Speaker 1:And I did not start with sadism, I started with domination. And so what I recommend to many of these women who are naturally dominant? They're exploring, they're nervous, you know. My nerves stemmed from not wanting to hurt anybody, so I had to do the research. I had to learn how to use the tools. I had to learn how to pre-negotiate a scene with another individual. Find out what their strengths are, their weaknesses, what they were hoping for, what their hard and soft limits and the things that were no limit. And to play within those specifications was liberating for me as well, because there was structure. I didn't have to lash out with a flogger without knowing if they wanted that right. In that kind of a scenario, you would have fear because you don't know what to expect once that flogger lands on somebody's ass. On somebody's ass.
Speaker 1:You cannot go into BDSM blindly when you're dominating, and so I recommend lots of research. Go to munches I've said this before, you know go to non-kink related events where kinky people are at munches and talk about it, discuss it. Find out what people enjoy at Munch's and talk about it, discuss it. Find out what people enjoy. Go to workshops that are created online for anybody who's interested in learning how to do, you know, any kind of mastery over tools and maybe humiliation how to humiliate, degrade that interaction with people, and even going to events and watching. That is where you learn, you educate yourself. So fear is natural. You're going to be afraid, it's just part of it. You're going to be afraid, it's just part of it.
Speaker 1:There are going to be a few people who have been raised in a very open-minded family. Maybe they are familiar with BDSM. They have identified early on as a dom and they realize the pros and cons and the rules and regulations involved in domination, and so for those ones it does come a lot easier. But for people who are engaged in a life before BDSM that is, one where subservience is expected it can be such a weird thing to break out of that shell, you know, or the box, I suppose you could call it. But I will say that when you do break out of that shell and you've learned what you needed to learn and you've accepted who you are, which is so important in life you must accept your authentic being. Then you can start to create the specific methods of domination that you want to use, and each one of us will have different rituals and some of us may not even know that that's what we're doing, but I would consider it a pattern, the way that a woman and I'm going to just discuss femdoms right now, because that's what I am how a woman gets herself into that headspace when she has a submissive in front of her.
Speaker 1:You really need to understand, as a sub or a slave, that she needs to go through a process to get into the deepest parts of her mind, of her domination. It's very important for her to enjoy the scene. If you expect her to do X, y and Z within a certain specific period of time, then you are robbing her of the experience of domination. You see, it's not just about the slave. In fact it should be, if you're a slave slave, all about the dom and what she wants, her pleasure. Her needs her timing and you must be willing to wait. And when you do, and if you do wait and you give her the honor to enjoy her domination with you under her, after the negotiations are made at the end of the situation, at the end of the scene, you will be rewarded, I guarantee you, if you give her that time and space to enjoy.
Speaker 1:And yes, as that slave told me, it was like a ritual. So, for example I'm going to talk about him he would come in the door After hearing me walk to the door in my high boots. He would come in the door very excited. He would lower his head, as I always asked, and he would hand out an envelope with a note of thanks and a tribute and he would hand it to me and I would take it and I would read the note and I would put it in the drawer. Then I would ask him to completely undress, right there, right in the front foyer, completely undress, right there, right in the front foyer, completely undressed. The door was shut, obviously, so he would undress. He would put his clothing on a stool that I had very specifically for the clothing and he would come over to me, as I asked him to come and get him to go on his knees and I would put the collar and the cuffs on him as his head was still bowing, facing the ground, not looking at me. The rule was you never look at your dom. And I will tell you, many doms of high protocol will say that you come in the door, you do not make eye contact with your dom unless asked, unless given permission to do so, and I would often attach the leash and put my hand on the slave's head.
Speaker 1:For me, it was a moment in time where I was claiming that slave, so I would either have him crawl behind me as I walked into the living room or he could walk behind me, depending on if his knees were bad or depending on my mood. So we'd walk in. Of course, we both had a glass of water, so he would carry those in. Or, if he was on his knees, I would bring some water in and I had a rug, one that got washed after each time, each visit from a slave. So he would sit down either on his bum or on all fours or on his knees, depending on what I wanted at the time, and I would sit in the chair above him holding the leash as he faced me. So there you can see.
Speaker 1:There was that beginning, the beginning of the ritual. Then I would begin to speak and he would not be able to look me in the eyes and I would begin to ask questions and I would review the negotiations that were made prior to him walking through that door With this one particular slave. I would have him bring some clothing. So he would bring his duffel bags or bag and I would ask him to open them and to show me what he had. And he brought out all sorts of things and he'd lay them out on the couch. Of course, they are all clean and I would observe all of the things that he laid out for me.
Speaker 1:And I had some things of my own that I had laid out prepared prior to his arrival, of my own, that I had laid out prepared prior to his arrival, and I would choose a variety of things. And I had wigs of many colors, and I would choose a wig. Now, this slave in particular had a wig. It was a pink wig, and so that one would often be used. If not, I would use a hood or a different kind of a wig, and then I would have everything set up, my lighting, my tripod, and I would begin to ask him to dress, put on breast forms, put on heels, put on his clothing and begin to pose for me until I was satisfied. Until I was satisfied, I could take a lot of photos, but it was part of the ritual, the ritual of turning him into what I wanted him to be that female In ballet wear In whatever I wished for them to wear. It was my prerogative, it was my ritual, and when I was ready, I would put on the ankle and wrist cuffs and he would follow me down the stairs into my dungeon.
Speaker 1:And that, for me, was my form of ritualistic domination, and the purpose that it served was to get me in the mood. You know, you can't expect a woman to immediately snap her fingers and she's ready to dominate in a dungeon. You need to give her time and space to really reflect upon her emotions and how she feels. And that's exactly what I did, because I took my headspace just as seriously as the slaves and by doing this as a form of a ritual for myself, it created a ritualistic experience for the slave as well, because it was something that they could count on every single time. This is what's going to happen.
Speaker 1:When I got them into the dungeon, it was game on, per se game on, and I was in full gear. So my engine was warmed up, I was ready to go, I was ready to drive and I was in the driver's seat. I don't think I ever had a very bad experience with many of the subs who came in and accepted that way of my being. I had some that were in a rush and they wanted things quickly and I could accommodate that, but it wasn't as enjoyable for me Definitely not.
Speaker 1:So anyway, I wanted to just share this about ritualism and I wanted to share about my ritual as a dominant in a scene, how I went about it, and you will find your own way. You really will. So give yourself time. There will be fear, there will be nerves at the beginning, but once you get into a pattern that suits you, you're going to truly enjoy the experience. So I wanted to say thank you for listening and slaves out there, let your dom take control.
Speaker 1:When you top from the bottom, it breaks her concentration. It breaks that beautiful emotional experience, that ritual that she's getting into, where she's going to take you under her dominant wing and change your life within that dungeon. An hour, maybe two hours or three hours, if you give her the grace to be the leader, be in control, be in charge. Never talk from the bottom. Of course, if you have a question, you can ask permission and ask If there's a safety issue, then by all means that's fine. That won't break her concentration, but be mindful of the fact that you are with a dom and she deserves respect and she deserves to enjoy every single moment. Extract every drop from that experience. So that's some advice for new doms, that's some advice for slaves and subs, and that's my experience of how I turned domination into a ritual for my own pleasure, and it was beautiful, and it still is. I'm still experiencing that right now. So thank you for listening. Have a wonderful day. Bye for now, thank you.