Diaries of a Domme + Questions Answered, by Chastity Queen
Strap yourself in for lots of kinky and open dialogue from a Woman who has experience with Pro-Domming and the BDSM Lifestyle. Her live-in chaste sissy sub joins in on some of the open discussions involving kink, chastity, BDSM and what it means to be a good Domme and sub.
Are you are drawn to BDSM & wondered why? Do the dynamics in a D/s relationship, intrigue you? Do you feel the submissive cravings, but cannot express that in your current relationship, or as a single person? Or, are you a female dominant and want to explore that powerful side of yourself? Does the concept of control & mental power exchange, wet your intellectual interest? Maybe you are currently in the BDSM scene and fighting to find joy. Do you have a D/s relationship but need to understand how to successfully satisfy your partner? I have the answers and many stories to share.
It is high time that I share My enriching journey, as a proud Female Dominant. I have been a Lifestyle Domme, for 10+ years & have met 100s of submissives. These, have served Me, looked up to Me & TAUGHT ME so many things about the human mind & its willingness to obey. In those thrilling years, I have learnt the delicate balance between a submissive mind and his/her body and the role I play. My knowledge + personal stories are rich with secrets, for submissives & Dommes.
I specialize in chastity, Femdom, crossdressers, humiliation play, emasculation and have experience in ABDL/DL, E-stimulation, urethral sounds, the mind games that make a Sadist so powerful and the vast Dungeon tools + tricks, that make up a High Protocol, BDSM Dungeon. Consent & physical safety will be discussed. The psychological and mental health aspects of BDSM will be discussed.
BDSM scratches so many mental itches & there are always reasons for those cravings. There will be cautionary tales, that you can learn from. There will also be much to realize, from the beauty that overflows, within the BDSM Community.
I will take your hand in Mine & we will navigate through the problems, questions & curiosities. Even if your day-to-day is vanilla, you deserve to explore your desires.
Maybe you want to understand someone who lives in the BDSM world or unearth your own curiosity? When you harness your creativity & mental release in the bedroom, you will succeed in many other areas of your life. This is discussed, in Napoleon Hill’s book “Think and Grow Rich”. In Chapter 11, “The Mystery of Sex Transmutation” he says, “The road to genius consists of the development, control, and use of sex, love, and romance. “ Yes, this info-gem, is in a “get rich” book!
If you do not have a Mentor, Goddess, Domme or Queen, you have found One now! Let Me be your Teacher, disciplinarian, mentor and queen! If you learn anything from My stories and knowledge, know that what I say, is about loving yourself and that you can do anything. My purpose is to take the misunderstanding OUT of BDSM and those who enjoy fetishes that others may not understand. I want submissives and Dommes, to succeed with ease and pleasure.
BDSM is becoming more mainstream. People are realizing their sexual potential, beyond simple sex. Power Exchange in relationships is such a satisfying way to engage. Any variety of D/s relationships can provide stimulation that surpasses Society's idea of how it should look or be. You will learn with Me, as I take you through the journeys of the mind and soul of the submissives that I control/led and what methods I use, to become the best Domme, that I can be.
There is no limit, to success. As I said, in the beginning, if you can harness your creativity and mental release in the bedroom, you will succeed in many other areas of your life. Enjoy and rate the episodes, if you have a moment. Sincerely, Chastity Queen "Chastity is freedom!"
Chastity Queen xoxo
Diaries of a Domme + Questions Answered, by Chastity Queen
Pain, Pleasure, and Purging: The Role of Crying in BDSM Dynamics
Explore the intricate relationship between crying and emotional expression in BDSM in this captivating podcast episode. I discuss why tears can be a potent form of release, how they contribute to the dynamics of dominance and submission, and why men may shy away from emotional vulnerability. With a mix of humor and sincerity, the host shares personal experiences that illustrate how crying is not a mark of weakness but a liberating act of trust and connection.
Dive into an exploration of societal views surrounding male emotions and the invisible pressures placed on individuals to suppress their tears. Learn about the therapeutic aspects of allowing oneself to cry during BDSM sessions and how this can lead to greater intimacy between partners. This episode challenges listeners to rethink their perceptions of crying, engage with their emotions, and embrace the healing that can arise from vulnerability.
Join the conversation and discover the emotional depths that lie within your own experiences. Subscribe now and share your thoughts with Me!
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Thank you for tuning in to Diaries of a Dom, plus questions answered with me. Chastity Queen. Today I want to talk about a topic that is interesting to discuss, something a little bit more unusual, I suppose, something that probably should be discussed within the dynamics of ADS and BDSM, especially with different forms of BDSM, in particular, the impact, play and pain dynamic, as well as some other dynamics that are engaged in. And this is something I want to discuss, and I will state it in one word crying. Yes, you heard me right crying. So before I get into this, you can definitely check out my links here on the podcast. You can feel free to send me a nice tribute. You can look at all of my affiliate links. I am affiliated with Locked in Lust affiliate links. I am affiliated with Locked in Lust and you can use my promo code, chastityqueen all one word, all caps for your 15% off stackable discount.
Speaker 1:So yesterday I was in FetLife and I was taking a look at some of my notifications. I get a lot of notifications and I like to check them every other day. I will check on them, maybe every three days. I'm pretty busy, get a lot of notifications and I like to check them every other day. I will check on them maybe every three days. I'm pretty busy with a lot of different aspects of my lifestyle so I have to spread it out a little bit because I get super busy. So yesterday I noticed a few comments on an image of my adult baby, and part of our dynamic is to engage in spanking and he is considered a crybaby. He calls himself that and I, of course, facilitate that, I support that and that is just part of his personality. Now we did an image. I captioned a photo of him crying and red-faced and really in a moment.
Speaker 1:And the interesting part of this whole situation after creating a caption and posting were the comments. So first I'm going to share with you what I said on the caption. So on my caption there was the picture of my baby, who I am owner of. I am the mummy, dom too, and I just absolutely adore. So the top title was Cry, baby Cry, and what I wrote underneath was there is nothing I love more than knowing that my baby feels. Baby Crying is a great way to experience real-time baby space. I highly recommend spankings to conjure up the raw feelings of baby joy. Mommy always knows best, because that's just my expression and that's the expression that my baby loves to have hung up on their wall, that I know best, with my picture. It's wonderful, it's a very dominant, submissive interaction, of course.
Speaker 1:But some of the comments were this Okay, so one was that is a good point. I haven't cried in many years, certainly not from a mummy taking control and properly spanking me. I can't find that mummy. Then there is another one I also haven't cried for years. If mummy spanked me I would cry for her. And then there was another that said interesting, so more than a maintenance spanking, obviously, or a maintenance spanking that has also moved past, that mummy has never made me cry during a spanking. Thank you, mistress, for pointing this out. Your intuitive nature never ceases to fail. Very appreciative of your post.
Speaker 1:You know, I thought about that and I thought about the whole dynamic of crying and why we cry, and so I went on to do up a writing about crying. You know, I consider it much of a full body cleanse and some of my responses actually I should get into my responses to that were so. For example, for the one that said they hadn't cried in years, I said crying is a full mental cleanse. And another one I said to them, crying serves a purpose for sure, the one who said he hadn't cried for years. And then to this other one, I said when I get into the feelings of an experience, everything makes sense.
Speaker 1:There are so many different reasons to cry. One is sheer joy, another is pain, grief, crying, frustration, cries At its core. Crying is a form of release, but also of connection, like coming. The end result is mental peace and you know, my baby responded saying this is all true, mommy, I let go and it just comes out during my spankings and feels like relief and release and complete loss of control, like a purge or cleanse, as you put it. And it is only powerful because it is a thing we share, like the other baby things I need your approval and praise for, as you mentioned, you don't make me cry so much as you help me to, because I want and need to, and you give me permission and approval and comforting, and I said that I hold that baby's hand so that they feel safe to let go. So now I'm going to read to you what I wrote in another post, and it was about crying and the title of it is Cry. There are so many different reasons to cry. One sheer joy, another pain, grief, crying Frustration cries At its core. Crying is a form of release, but also of connection, like coming. The end result is mental peace. Don't fear it. Peace is on the other side of your tears. And then I signed off for that.
Speaker 1:That's on my Mommy Celeste FetLife account. I keep my mummy side separate from my chastity queen side because I like to identify who is more into the ABDL side of Fet, kinks etc. And then the other side is more my slaves and my chastity. It can co-mingle. Of course I have some chastity slaves who are very much into both, or I have some ABs that are into both or maybe fluctuate from one side to the other. We aren't static, we aren't in stasis when it comes to our fetishes. We have to understand that as a collective and there are some of us that are very specific and that can have a lot to do with personality as well and maybe having explored everything and realizing what our main focus is, and there's nothing wrong with that. But I'd say the majority of fetish players and kinksters are willing to explore or enjoy more than one fetish, maybe a combination of things in different levels. So I just want to talk about crying in particular because you know when a woman who's a dom takes a slave into her dungeon as a slave. So I'm not talking the AB side right now.
Speaker 1:I am reflecting upon my time as a dom within my dungeon, meeting strangers, for example, and interacting with people that have very specific needs in regards to impact play. You know, I did notice something within that dynamic and amongst the men who I engaged with because I had, 99% were men and whether they're dressed up or not, I mean just talking about their, their birth. You know they're cis male, born male didn't mean that that's what they stayed as, but a born male. And I don't know if it's society or the need to prove oneself and be tough and be strong and take the hits without crying, but there was definitely a restriction. There was definitely a restriction, sort of this invisible disconnect with these men that would come in and get some serious impact play done to them. Even the ones who considered themselves pain slots would squeal out but they would never cry.
Speaker 1:I found that crying was reserved for those who were open to psychological humiliation, degradation play, but even that was sparse. If I got somebody to the point of crying, it was often at a level where they felt broken and then they cried. And of course I would give them comfort and I would give them the aftercare required. But if every man walked through that door and I pointed at them and said look, crying is allowed, feel free, let it go. Most men say I haven't cried in years, I just I'm not a crier. Or they'd say it takes a lot to make me cry. So I don't know if this is just a gender thing or if it's a. I'm a tough slave and I can take anything kind of challenge for me.
Speaker 1:But the people that cried and I'll tell you the one person that came in, who was an AB I learned his story and I've talked about it in the past and his mother, at a very young age, began to do inappropriate things to him. And what happened to him is that he learned how to suppress his emotions and he did it quite well, so much so that as a teenager he got into hockey and he was usually the one that was fighting on the ice. Just recently, I had a memory pop up on my phone and it was him and I. You know the level of connection between him and I was so strong, and do you know why. The first time I sat down with him I asked him some questions and he could feel my nurturing nature, my love, my caring side. It's actually quite present. When I'm dominating, it's there. It's just who I am. I can be sadistic and still revert back to that nurturing behavior quite quickly. It's a safety valve, really, for many of the people that have met with me or who are my slaves. They feel that they can trust me, they feel safe.
Speaker 1:And just in asking him questions he broke down. He said you know, I haven't cried in a very long time. And then we got deeper into it and I realized why. And from there started quite a deep connection, relationship within that dynamic as a mummy dom for him. And yet I did tell him that, no, I will never repeat the things that you went through. That was one of my hard and fast rules. I can give you a mummy dom and replace all of those negative memories with positive. I can be the mummy you never had in dom form, but I won't go back there. I won't wear the nightgown color that she used to wear or a specific lipstick. I'm not going to do it, and maybe that's something that I shouldn't have done. I don't know, but I felt ethically obligated not to repeat that abuse.
Speaker 1:So, in relation to crying, he was one of the men who came in and let go and from there he felt so much clarity. Years and years and years of pain came out and I think that could be part of it. I think a lot of people don't want to get into that. You know ugly cry, where everything comes apart and you don't know what might happen either. You're not sure if it'll be an ugly cry. You might just shed a few tears. You might not shed enough.
Speaker 1:You know, in relation to the situation or to the trauma, but even for those that don't have trauma, there was a noted restraint when it came to crying in the men that I domed A lot of smiling. That was an easy one for me. I made a lot of men smile and they told me after a session they'd feel lighter on their feet. They felt, and they told me after a session they'd feel lighter on their feet, they felt relief. But you know, when it comes to impact play, how far do you go, how far could you go to get that submissive to cry? Within the boundaries of the negotiations, of course, within the boundaries of safety and consent. How far do you push? How far do you push? Do you add words along with the hit to make that magical experience flow? Yeah, that was very hard for me. I humiliated one slave and he's probably listening right now and knows what I'm talking about and he was very upset. I mean, he asked for it, but he was very upset and that left a lasting impression on me and I would never do that again. To be frank, I mean maybe because we built a connection and it just felt as if it went just too far. And I think that a lot of doms feel that ethical question.
Speaker 1:Within there are some women who are sadists, 100% sadist, and they really don't give a shit. Right, they don't. They push limits, they go outside of the negotiations sometimes just to get what they want, and the slaves will often oblige, but then afterwards they wonder, hmm, maybe did that go a little far, or I didn't feel comfortable crying like that, like she kind of really brought it out of me and they weren't ready, like I think that's another question is are you ready to cry? Are you willing to talk about it before the session? Is that something you even want to negotiate? Why is crying so taboo?
Speaker 1:Really, there's many different types of crying, as I mentioned, and there can be pain, but pleasure crying, right. I've seen a lot of women do it at clubs, at events that are BDSM related. They are getting right into their emotions. They are getting right into their emotions. So maybe it is a gender thing.
Speaker 1:I don't know, it's a mystery to me. It's not and it is. You know, it's one of these things that I think about and when that caption was posted, when I posted that and the comments were made, it got me thinking again and I thought hmm, why aren't people crying? And they're openly expressing it too, like I haven't cried in years, almost as if it's a badge of honor. Man out there, is it a badge of honor not to cry? You know, like, do you feel you've succeeded if you don't cry? I'm not trying to shame you, I'm just saying, like, what is it Really?
Speaker 1:I mean, at a human level, I think all of us try to avoid it. We don't want to deal with the things that make us cry, that make us cry, and the things that do make us cry are often moments and experiences that are sad, negative, you know, death or depression. I'm not saying we need to tap into those types of moments. But even in those moments, crying is a way to cleanse it out, to wash it out from like inside out. You know you can have a shower, but unless you fill yourself up and squeeze it out and the only way a human body can do that with tears is through the eye sockets right, you can't press a part on your body like you know your stomach or your cheeks, and then it just expresses and then it's done. It's like, okay, I've cried, it's over, hey, I'm just as guilty really. Hey, I'm just as guilty, really.
Speaker 1:I'm a dominant female, I don't have anything to prove. But at the same time, I suppose there is an air of strength that one has to show on your exterior. The only people that really know about the things that I'm suffering with internally are the close slaves, and often on my podcast I will express things that I wouldn't normally just talk about at a BDSM party or with random folks that I've met. You know, at an event, though I will say the BDSM community are more apt to discuss feelings and emotions amongst themselves. You know, a lot of times I wish I had more dom like femdom, female, dominant friends. I know a ton of them, but I don't really have a closeness with any of them, and it's not because there's a competition going on between me and another or there's any threat. It's not that I think that dominant women are very busy taking care of submissives and oftentimes they're left with the scraps personally. Times they're left with the scraps personally.
Speaker 1:I mean yesterday I had to take a personal day, a mental health day, from this. I still did some things, but I just had to say to myself I can't do it. Today I did some planting and repotting in the house. I did some repotting of some little plants that needed bigger pots, bigger homes, because they were starting to get restricted in the tight little space that I had given them. So I got them bigger pots. But I did a little cooking and the things that relaxed me listening to music, but even art. I haven't done art for a while and there's just so much that I would love to do.
Speaker 1:But being an online support for slaves and subs, you know, being a dom, it's oftentimes quite a thankless job. Quite a thankless job If you you know, if you want to call it that, I I don't like calling it that. But at the same time, there are days where it feels like a job, because a lot is expected and nothing is given in return. You know I have some slaves that are wonderful, absolutely wonderful to me, you know, in a pinch and I know whoever's listening, I know that one in particular is probably listening and I want to thank you because there have been so many times where, you know, I've not known where the money is going to come to get my doggy some food.
Speaker 1:You know it's like my life is unstable as far as finances because of my past, because I was raised in a cult and left that situation in my mid-30s and basically had to rethink and reform my whole life. Moving forward. I had to figure it out. I didn't have a teenage life that was free. You know there were expectations as I grew up within that cult family. You know fourth generation basically, and my partner too. I mean I met him in the cult and he too has family within the religion. You know cult religion, whatever right. And so you know I don't live a life like most do, where you have a teenage life. You know free childhood, where you're running around meeting kids and develop psychologically in a very natural way. I didn't have that I wasn't allowed to associate with anybody outside of their religion.
Speaker 1:And I tell you, the ones within the religion are not exactly very trustworthy, because if you say something wrong or you do something wrong, well you get told on right. There's no privacy, there's no room for error when you're a child, because it will get back to your parents and then it'll end up as a committee meeting they call it a committee meeting with the elders and then you have to be read some scriptures and told that you shouldn't do this or you get disciplined, whatever the case might be. I mean, I was corporally punished, all of the kids that were within that religion in my era, you know, 70s, 80s, 90s, but in particular when you're younger, I mean, even babies got taken to the back and violently spanked. Wooden spoons were a common thing. A lot of parents brought wooden spoons or belts and you know, when a baby or a child or a little toddler, even a teenager, got yanked out by their ear and they, they were disciplined. People looked at each other and laughed because they thought, oh, another one's getting spanked.
Speaker 1:It was a culture of degradation, humiliation and you better obey or else. So that was my upbringing. I didn't have much room for error when it came to behavior, and my good behavior was based upon fear. That's not authentic obedience in my opinion. This is why I like slaves to naturally obey. I love to give orders, but I'm not order only based in my approach, because I don't want to rule and cause fear. I don't mind doing a mind fuck, that's great. But I don't want to mimic what I had to put up with, because I really was not obedient based upon a desire to be obedient. It was just based upon what's the punishment right Now, if you enjoy punishments, then maybe that works for you, but it just it doesn't resonate with me as a dom and that's why I take a different approach.
Speaker 1:I mean, every dominant takes a different approach on on how they punish and what they do when they punish and how they dole it out right, how they dish it out and when and why. So you know, for me, getting a tribute from somebody is a big deal. It's wonderful, it's sweet, it's supportive for me, it makes my heart smile. It's not about greed, it's not about oh, I want more and more and more and oh, I just want to take off a whole week and do some art at the expense of all these slaves. And they can pay my way. And you know, I'm not one of those entitled little brats Really I'm not. I'm a dom with class and I'm a dom who doesn't have too much. But when I do have a little I like to share it when I can. My heart is generous, my mind is generous and I give a lot of my time for free. It's not always fun to experience when a slave abuses that kindness. It happens. But in general, this is my lifestyle.
Speaker 1:I believe in it. I believe that women are worthy of obedience and that they are superior and that they are divine. And I hope that anybody who is listening, that is a femdom, will take a look within themselves and say how can I be the best dom within the community? Not just for personal gain, but to raise the bar higher for other doms who are maybe not taking it as seriously. Maybe they're taking it for granted. I never take this for granted. I never take the obedience, the worship, the love, the service of any slave for granted, big or small. And I'm not talking about their dicks, I'm talking about their heart right, their ability, how much they can give right. It's the spirit of giving, it's a desire, and to me that means everything, even a kind word, sweet, you know.
Speaker 1:So, as far as crying is concerned, I would highly recommend that you think about that, and I'm not saying you have to start crying right now. It's not easy just to start to cry, isn't it Like it's? It's definitely not something a person can just turn on like a faucet. You have to have a reason, and maybe the next time you go see your dom or your partner is going to do some impact play on you, maybe talk about that, Maybe see if they can go a little harder.
Speaker 1:Maybe there are things that they can say to you that might conjure that up. Maybe you need to think of certain things that you've never addressed in your past, as far as, maybe, a death in the family or something sad that happened to you. I mean, you can draw from those, just like an actor draws from those things to conjure up emotions. You conjure that up and you may find that those emotions, those things that you have held on to have been healed or, at the very least, you've been able to let go of a portion of that pain. Or maybe you're so joyful in the extra spankings that you get that you cry.
Speaker 1:Maybe your dom breaks you. You know that's a moment in time as well, when you do fall apart. I mean, as I said, women tend to be broken easier Because in society a woman crying isn't such a shock. Well, I don't think that's fair to men, that women can do it and they can't, or it's looked down upon. Let's forget about that. I mean, we all cry, and if you don't, then one day you will. Don't fear it, embrace it, because on the other side of it you will find your peace. So thank you for listening and have a wonderful day. I will be talking again soon. Bye for now.