Diaries of a Domme + Questions Answered, by Chastity Queen

Your Hand is Not Your Friend: Breaking the FAP Cycle

Subscriber Episode Chastity Queen Season 5 Episode 8

Subscriber-only episode

What drives men to constant masturbation and what's the real cost of this habit? The Chastity Queen cuts through the shame and embarrassment to explore why so many men fall into this pattern and—more importantly—how breaking free from it can transform your life.

Sexual desire is natural, but constant release through masturbation depletes more than just physical energy—it diminishes your drive for achievement, relationship-building, and self-improvement. This episode exposes how the compulsion to masturbate weakens men mentally and emotionally, creating a cycle of addiction that's increasingly difficult to escape. "If I tell you to edge for one hour before being rewarded with release, that has more merit, more depth and meaning," explains the Chastity Queen, highlighting how structure and restraint create purpose.

The most revolutionary concept? Denial actually increases desire and satisfaction. The growing "no FAP" movement among younger adults recognizes what the BDSM community has known for years—controlling sexual release channels that energy into productivity, confidence, and ultimately better connections with partners. Women can sense when a man has been "saving it" specifically for them, and this restraint becomes incredibly attractive. Ready to transform weakness into strength? Take the 7-day chastity challenge outlined in this episode, and discover how redirecting sexual energy into productive pursuits can change everything. Your key to breaking the cycle and experiencing true sexual fulfillment might be the opposite of what you've been taught.

Subscribe now and use promo code CHASTITYQUEEN at lockedinlust.com for 15% off your first chastity device—because sometimes restraint is the most empowering choice you can make.

Try to connect with your local BDSM community. Fetlife is a great way to see others in similar FLR and chastity lifestyles. You can check out Mine in Fetlife at Chastity-Queen. It’s a free to join. Hugs, Chastity Queen

Locked In Lust 15% OFF:CHASTITYQUEEN
Use Discount Code:CHASTITYQUEEN for 15% OFF ANYTHING at www.lockedinlust.com

LOVE SHOP 15% OFF Sex Toys & MORE
Get 15% OFF sex toys, lingerie and more, using PROMO CODE: CHASTITY QUEEN

Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched!
Start for FREE

15% OFF Shoe Freaks-PROMO%CHASTITYQUEEN
GET your 15% OFF ANYTHING when you buy SEXY Shoes, heels & Stripper Boots at Shoe Freaks Canada!

www.SMBSM.com - Chastity Cages 10% OFF
Get reasonably priced chastity cages, chastity belts, chastity wear, + chastity accessories.

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

https://www.linktr.ee/ChastityQUEEN

Speaker 1:

Thank you for tuning in to Diaries of a Dom, plus Questions Answered with me, chastity Queen. Today I want to talk about something that is an overall issue for men and sorry, I'm already laughing and it starts at a you know young age and progresses into something that cannot be managed, cannot be controlled, and that is masturbation. Yes, so I just need to tell you how I feel about masturbation and what is my purpose. Well, my purpose is to influence you, to consider your behaviors and to alter your behaviors, but I think, first, it's very important for you to be told exactly how a dom feels about men who habitually masturbate and what goes through our minds my mind, really. So you have this thing between your legs, right, and it's kind of like a joystick on a video game. You just want to play with it all the time, right, you want to get high scores, and it's something that you think about all of the time, and the thing that triggers you into wanting to touch yourself is, you know, a visual that you may see a beautiful person out there in public, could be a woman, could be a man, could be both and you feel something stirring in your groin, don't you? It's almost as if it's similar to the Pavlov's dog theory, you know, I'm certain everybody's heard of that where a bell is rung and the dog salivates and you know, your eyes are the bell and when you see something that turns you on, whether it be porn, whether it be an individual, whether it be a thought in your mind, a visual in your mind, it goes ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, right, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring and suddenly you feel the urge to touch and you might be in a position where you are unable to touch. Maybe you're out in public, or you're in a family function, or maybe you're out doing an event and you can't do anything about it.

Speaker 1:

So, say, you're at a wedding. You know, you see all these beautiful people at the wedding, dressed to the nines and looking sexy and smelling good, and you're drinking a little bit. You're getting hornier and hornier. You know, I know what you are going to do. It's inevitable. When you cannot control yourself any further, you're going to go to the bathroom, and as quietly as possible. Maybe you're going to find the family bathroom so you have complete privacy. Or go to your car, you know, unzip your trousers, pull that thing out and jerk it, maybe on the premise that you're going to go out for a cigarette, you know, or you need to get something out of your car.

Speaker 1:

Well, you sure do. You got to get some cum out of your little dick in your car. You better have some Kleenex unless you want to eat it, right? I mean, why do you do it? It's obviously something that you can't control. It's there and you know that.

Speaker 1:

Testosterone is running through your veins and you need to be releasing and releasing and releasing and releasing and wasting that cum come constantly. I mean, if cum seeds could grow flowers, this world would be covered from top to bottom in cum flowers. Seriously, the amount of waste that I know exists is quite astounding and you are a contributor to that waste. You are a contributor to a lack of self-control personally, and it can be kind of embarrassing, right, you know you get the urges and you're in a position where you can't get them out of your system and you wonder if people can tell that you're hard under the table or hard behind the desk or walking down the hall in the job that you work at and you get a boner. I mean, how humiliating for men. Women don't go through that. You don't wear track pants past a certain age. Seriously, that's just a danger waiting to happen. You could pop a tent right Anywhere, at any time. You don't know what's going to turn around the corner. What's going to turn you on, and at the bottom of it all is a lack of control over your body member, your cock. How does it make you feel to be so weak and so driven and led by a piece of meat between your legs? That's all it is right. It's like a little compass when it gets excited. Boy, oh boy, it points up, doesn't it? Mm-hmm, that arrow is just erect, ready to find its way into your hand pussy.

Speaker 1:

Do you like using your hand pussy? Is it better than real pussy? Or can you just not get real pussy? Maybe you can't get hard with regular sex, maybe you're afraid of your performance, maybe you have some performance anxiety and you have experience in leaving a woman unfulfilled and the only option for you now is to fantasize about fulfilling a woman With your hand. Really, that's a sad existence. Really, that's a sad existence. You need to begin to change your mental space, your ideas about what is worthy of a jerk and what's not.

Speaker 1:

If I tell you, I want you to edge for one hour and then you will be rewarded with a cum, then that has a lot more merit to it, a lot more depth meaning, purpose, because ultimately you are pleasing me, and pleasing a woman is really the ultimate goal for a man, a slave, a sub. You know, when you're trolling through the porn and you watch the same thing over and over and over again and then you start to search in a more intense way for something that will turn you on because the other stuff just isn't cutting it anymore, and then you latch onto something for another month or two and then it gets boring and you've wasted so much seed doing it with no results of actual physical interaction besides the one that you have between your hand and your penis. Right, that's not success, my darling. Right, that's not success, my darling? No, it's not.

Speaker 1:

And I know that you of the men maybe 90% you know what. I should be fair. I should be fair and consider those who are locked up in chastity, right? So let's put all of the men, all of the intelligent men who are locked in chastity over to one side, and that's a great number of men. They get it. They've rejected masturbation because it just doesn't cut it anymore. Now let's look at the other group of men who are without any kind of direction, without a rudder, on their boat per se, on their boat per se, and they don't even know the concept of restraint, of denial, of edging, of withholding things from themselves. But what it is that they don't understand are the benefits, right, they just think, oh, all men are just masturbating monkeys and they are going to pull on their little wiener and make it squirt out some sauce and onward and upward, right? Oh, now I'm relieved, I feel less stress. Now I'm going to go on with my day and in about you know two hours time, you have to do it again, right? It becomes an addiction. It again, right, it becomes an addiction.

Speaker 1:

You might start off with once a day for you know a period of time, and then it starts to increasingly get more and more and more and more, as you find that you don't have a relationship, or maybe you have a relationship that you aren't fostering, you aren't caring for, you're not pleasing the woman, and so your only option is to jerk off, and God forbid she catches you. I mean right. Then she's going to say well, you know, your hand is good enough for you, but I'm not. You got to think of the psychology guys Got to think about it. Maybe you need some restraint. Maybe you need to restrict any kind of coming to your partner, that live interaction between another human. Please her, make her happy.

Speaker 1:

You know, don't masturbate until you have a date. That rhymed. Do not masturbate until you have a date. Oh yeah, okay. So what are the benefits of waiting? Now here's the fear. This is the fear. The fear is well, if I don't get one out, then I won't be able to keep it up for longer, right? So the guy's like before a date he's at home, like trying to get one off, so that after dinner, you know, he's built up another erection. You know the potential for an erection and the fuck, but it's just not as exciting. And I tell you, the woman knows she does, she knows when a man hasn't touched himself for quite a while and he tells her and he says I'm saving it for you, that's a massive turn on, huge.

Speaker 1:

You know there's an expression now that's become quite popular with the younger adults. You know, maybe between 20, you know 1920 and 28,. Let's say 30, okay, that little age group it's no FAP, so no. And then FAP, so it's a no FAP lifestyle, so no masturbation. And they do that with purpose, so that they can really enjoy themselves when they interact with their partner or a partner. It's a challenge. I think men need a challenge.

Speaker 1:

Lying in bed or sitting on the toilet wanking off, that's just weak, right, it's weak. You can't control yourself, you got to do it, you give in. That's weak, you know it. And it's embarrassing to think that your partner might find out that you masturbate one, two, three times a day, when you could actually have sex with somebody, with her, with him. So why don't you stop being a little masturbating monkey? I say that because monkeys masturbate a lot. They have no restraint, no control. You know, I can kind of see the little monkey, the little man monkey going ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee.

Speaker 1:

As a dom, as a femdom, I like to curb those bad habits. I like to take control of the body of the man, I like to make it my property and I like to restrict and define what is permitted and what is not, because I want to make you a success. I don't want a weak slave. I don't respect weak men. I want you to be strong. I want you to accept a challenge. Treat it like a game. See how far and how long you can go without coming If you masturbate once a day.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to tell you right now don't masturbate for the whole week. Okay, seven days, no masturbation. Take your focus and rethink. Direct it elsewhere, into work, into success, into making money, into cleaning your fucking bedroom, into cleaning up yourself Shave, shower, brush your teeth, buy yourself some new clothes. Start to look in the mirror with some respect for yourself, instead of looking at your hand like when is that going to be my hand, pussy again? You know, take that hand and do things with it that are going to be productive with it, that are going to be productive. Make your bed in the morning, simple things like that. Make a meal, go visit somebody who needs your help, cut the lawn, clean the house, clean your car. Get your life in order. Stop masturbating. It's not becoming. I know it's natural, but it's not becoming, and you don't have to do it every single day.

Speaker 1:

If the porn is a catalyst for your masturbation, stop doing the porn, stop watching, reduce it. Use this time as a challenge-reward system. So your challenge to not masturbate for the week? Okay, I'm going to put that challenge out. No masturbation for the next week, seven days. The reward is at the end of those seven days you can get yourself a nice drink. You can get yourself comfortable, watch your favorite porn that you're missing all week and just have fun. Have at it. Now one step better for that week. Why don't you put a cage on? Better For that week. Why don't you put a cage on? Imagine me holding the key. So put the keys away. You are not to use those keys If you say, oh, I can only do chastity, cage for a day or two.

Speaker 1:

Then get a cage that fits comfortably. Make it work, do it. That is a task for you now. One week caged, no touching, no edging. At the end of that week you reward yourself. If you fail in between, well, you're a failure. You failed the task and I will not be pleased. It's time to start to funnel your energies in the right direction and take control of your body, or, at the very least, let me take control. Okay, you know your job. What you need to do, off with you now. Thanks for listening and don't go to my link tree backward.

Speaker 1:

Slash chastityqueen for all of my affiliate discounts. Get yourself a chastity cage. There's all sorts of price points and availability on lockedinlustcom. Use my promo code CHASTITYQUEEN all caps, all one word for 15% off, and that is stackable with any other sales and discounts. So go for it. Get yourself a cage. Make it happen is the key to desire. It sounds backwards but it's not, and you will find out when you start to dabble. It'll be hard to turn back. So go to Locked and Lost. Buy yourself some kinky stuff, a cage, use the discount and have fun. Have fun. Make your life a challenge, not just an easy road of boredom. You'll thank me later. Bye, for now, thank you.