The Dinner Table Is Dead (Here’s What Replaced It)

Family dinner isn’t what it used to be—and for many families, it’s not working anymore.

In this episode of Just An Epic Life, we share a different approach to family connection, parenting teenagers, and intentional living—recorded from our vacation setup in Carlsbad, California.

Instead of forcing traditional routines, we’ve created something that works better for our family: “Island Time.”

This simple shift has transformed how we connect with our kids—creating more real conversations, deeper relationships, and moments that actually matter.

In this episode, we talk about:

•  Parenting teenagers in today’s fast-paced world 
•  Why traditional family dinner doesn’t always work 
•  How to create meaningful family connection without rigid routines 
•  Recognizing when your kids are ready to talk—and not missing it 
•  Having honest conversations about real-life topics (without shame) 
•  Balancing travel, business, and family life 

If you’re trying to build stronger relationships with your kids, navigate parenting in a modern world, or design a more intentional family life—this episode will give you a practical and refreshing perspective.

Because connection doesn’t come from a schedule… it comes from being present when it matters most.

Recorded 6/22/25

Transcript

Studio V And Vacation Setup

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome back to another episode of Just an Epic Life.

SPEAKER_01 0:04

I feel like a child in this chair.

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Do you?

SPEAKER_01 0:07

I do.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Okay, well, I feel like I feel like you've been acting like one, so it's okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Look at my Stanley. He dented it.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

That's a scratch.

SPEAKER_00 0:15

It is dent. It's a dent.

SPEAKER_01 0:17

That's a dent. This is my dupe.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Yeah, your dupe that I make sure does not get dropped because you are a crazy person when it comes to these things. You'll be like, I can't use it anymore. And my sister-in-law bought it for me, and it's special because it's sparkly.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

This is my dupe.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

You're crazy. Well, uh, I listened back to many episodes. I think at this point I've listened to almost all of them. And uh something we did was we are recording from Studio V.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Studio V.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

Uh meant for vacation. So we're currently in Carlsbad staying in an Airbnb. And um yeah, we're at the top. Um, we don't have a view of the ocean from here, but we know where it is.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

It's back there. Yeah. So as long as like we don't have the windscreen on, so as long as I And that's been a whole thing. Should be good. It should be good.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

Yeah. I'm testing a backup audio today, too. Because if there's like five of us or six of us in the in the room, I want this to be able to be picking it up from the middle.

Graduation Trips And Travel Deals

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Because we're not on a trip by ourselves. No, we are not. And so we had talked about doing a podcast with everybody. And so one of the things we do for um the graduates in our life is uh we give trips, unless they don't want a trip, and then we give a little bit of money. Um, anyways, so Raven and Cheyenne graduated this year, and so Raven's trip is here in Carlsbad. This is day five, this will be night five, and then we go home tomorrow. And then Cheyenne uh we're going to Mexico, just outside of Puerto Parita. So it's super fun. So it's a it's a summer full of vacations. Um, and we get to go home for three days, three nights. Uh, and then we leave for a cruise with some friends, and so it's lots of epic travel. And with that, I feel like people are reaching out to me saying, Hey, how are you doing it? Where are you finding the deals, the point hacking and things? And I keep telling people, I'm not an expert. Here's just some of the things that we've done. So uh certainly we did not use Airbnb, or we did not use points for Airbnb. Although I did learn, can I tell you this? Apparently, you can get points for Delta if you book through some back-end website. Um, Google that because I don't recall what it is.

SPEAKER_01 2:34

So I mean, the way that we would get points is simply using the credit card that gives us points.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

I know, but there's a back-end way that you can do that. To redeem? Yeah. Oh, no, not redeem, we're not redeeming, but like get Delta points. Yeah, so we could use the credit card, like if we use an American Express, we get the American Express points. And because we book through Delta, this Delta page, although we are at a V RBO, not an Airbnb. This house wasn't listed on AB Airbnb. Yeah. Do you hear the birds? Are they gonna hear the birds? Yeah, they will. I can hear the birds. Uh we don't own the road.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

So it's I can hear the bell.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

Oh, bell. Bells. That's good morning.

SPEAKER_01 3:14

Yeah, right?

unknown 3:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

Pretty sure that's totally from hearspray, yeah. Hearspray, that's the name of it.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

Yeah, gotcha.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

Gotcha, got you. Yes. Yeah. My bottom lip is sunburned. I can feel it.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

Mine, so the girls are saying that to you. Mine is also. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

So random note. I'm excited for the the three days of transition from vacation to vacation because it's similar wardrobe. So yeah, it's going to be able to uh wash the clothes either here before we go home.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

In the largest washing machine I've ever seen, not in uh a laundromat.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

Uh or at home. Uh, but it's pretty much the same clothes and just enhanced just a little bit more for the the the cruise ship. And just thinking about the ports that we're at, you know, do we need anything additional? You know, because like will the world will there be more mosquitoes in that part of the world than there is in this part of the world?

SPEAKER_00 4:04

It's gonna be hotter. 100% it's gonna be hotter.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

So And this is now a word, it's gonna be humider.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

It is not a word. Humider. We should do a whole episode on how you become such a dork when your brother is around. I swear you. So my brother-in-law, he's amazing. Well, one of my well, all three of my brother-in-laws are amazing, but my first brother-in-law is amazing. But I swear to you, I think he literally studies up on how to come up with the most annoying words. And I think he he probably does it all the time, but I feel special because I definitely feel like he 100% makes sure I'm around to use things like what is the word instead of inappropriate, he would say unappropriate. Oh my gosh.

unknown 4:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:41

Or inconsiderate, he would say unconsiderate.

SPEAKER_00 4:44

He'd be sure to use it more than a little bit more than a little bit more than a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 4:45

This is just the newest version uh of fun.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

Well, the worst part is is you and your dad both hop on that band.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Oh, it's hilarious.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

That bandwagon, that train, whatever it is, it is hilarious. And me and my darling sister-in-law, the one that gave me the cup, we roll our eyes.

SPEAKER_01 5:00

Sorry for your Stanley.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

We roll our eyes. And she just says, I have to deal with this all the time. And I get it, because I get to deal with this all the time.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

Yeah. You are blessed.

Parenting When Time Feels Short

SPEAKER_00 5:12

Yeah. So one of the things in my studying of all of our past uh podcasts, I realize how much gap has been between them and then and now. And I think of uh our children and how older they are now and like the parenting things that we've learned. And so I thought we could talk a little bit about that. And um also how their extracurricular ruins my travel. So yeah, I mean, we talked about one at the end of the last episode that I listened to. We talked about how Isaiah would be driving Liliana to school because you had taken Liliana and uh to eighth grade. And um I said Liliana will want to leave early, so we'll still have to take her because Isaiah will be like, I want to go at the last minute, which by the way is 100% the way that it is. Um, although we didn't take Liliana, she just would yell at him a lot. So, and she's now driving with her permit, and um, we talked about how she gets her license in October, and then she gets to drive all of two drivers. So what do you think some key points are as parents over the last uh six to twelve months?

SPEAKER_01 6:38

Well, I think yesterday there was a bit of finality, you know, thinking how many how many exact days do we have? Because I mean, Liliana, one of her best friends, is Raven. And how many exact days does Liliana get to spend with Raven before Raven begins her next phase of life? And I think we're still in double digits, but it's not very many more than that. No, could be because of vacations.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

Yeah, I mean, we're like probably 40 days. And when you add in vacation, when you did that, the vacations were probably late, late 20s.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

Yeah.

College Visits Without The Calendar

SPEAKER_00 7:16

Well, and it's the last summer with Isaiah as a as a child. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

And I was thinking yesterday about right now, we should be doing if Isaiah would like to go to college next year, we should be doing some college tours this summer.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

We don't have time for that this summer. I already told him we're gonna have to go incept in the city.

SPEAKER_01 7:37

But I I'm good for getting on a plane, flying and walking on the campus informally, and you know, reaching out to admissions, seeing what's available. Yeah. Um, I'm sure that if universities have any smarts about them, there are some virtual tours that they can do, you know, get this.

SPEAKER_00 7:53

No, Isaiah's gonna want it, boots on the ground.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

No, no, sorry. What I mean by that is like uh uh self-guided tours. That's what I meant. Self-guided that I used the wrong words, self-guided tours. That way, if let's say we're going to let's pick the most random university, um, South Carolina. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:11

Uh you only said that because you want to own a mobile home park there. I mean, it's not random.

SPEAKER_01 8:16

Okay. Uh, but let's say that uh we we want to go there, then we just fly. You know, we we listen to the the audio or whatever and look at the campus. I mean, there are I mean universities have admissions programs because they want our money.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

Yeah, they do.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

So they they should be fighting for us. But when we don't make appointments and reservations, there should be an alternative for the oh my goodness, we have Tuesday, and that's it to go look at three campuses.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

Uh one of the coolest things I think we implemented and really made a thing that I haven't heard us talk about is island time. Because uh, you want to explain what that is?

SPEAKER_01 8:59

So uh our family, well, two things. Our family does not have a formal, informal dining room.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

We have a dining table.

SPEAKER_01 9:09

We have a dining table.

SPEAKER_00 9:11

Everybody does.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

How often do we and this might be a point of embarrassment for us, how often do we eat at said?

SPEAKER_00 9:17

No, it's not embarrassing. Most of the time I see people use it as offices. Yeah. So we do not eat.

SPEAKER_01 9:23

I mean, but I think about my childhood, if like I shouldn't say every day. Six days a week, maybe seven days a week, we would eat meals at that table. We did not have something called a TV tray.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

Well, but my family didn't. Did you do that when you were in like when you were super involved in school?

SPEAKER_01 9:43

High school, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

So I remember even if I was eating alone, I would make my peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I would sit at the dining room table and I would eat my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

I think that your house, the way that your parents have it set up. We're gonna pause for the helicopter.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

I think the way that it's set up, it it lends to you would sit at the dining room table. So that makes perfect sense to me. In my house, the kitchen and dining room were right next to each other, and the living room was, I mean, my my my childhood house was very choppy, but no, I remember eating at the dining room table often, but at one point I was too busy. I was a cheerleader, I was involved in choir, I was involved in theater. There wasn't time to I was dad had dad and mom had dinner ready on a plate, and I was lucky to throw it in the microphone.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

Oh man. I that that just described even my high school.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

You know, if if a meal was made and a person was not present, the the plate was made for that person and wrapped up. And then when they came home, that could be heated up before that.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

If only our children would allow such things.

SPEAKER_01 10:49

What do you mean?

unknown 10:51

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

Uh so uh when we saw as parents, you know, do what is important to us, and what's important to us was not the actual sitting at the dining room table eating and talking. The point was the talking.

SPEAKER_00 11:11

The conversation.

SPEAKER_01 11:12

So what could we use in our home that created a space for talking? And we have a a a nice island. I mean, it's not massive, it's not huge. It's we'd call it uh probably a little island, but it's a nice island. It's a nice little island in our kitchen. We call it a one-butt kitchen because it's tough to pass one person.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

My butt's the only one allowed in there.

SPEAKER_01 11:34

Uh yeah, we do not live in a fancy home. Uh, we've been there for 21-ish years, and it's it's a nice little island. And when when two or more of us are gathered, yes, it's island time.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

It's island. And I think that we like that because it feels like vacation, right? Like island time suddenly is a pause of the rest of our life to participate as four. And if if Nick and I are there and Isaiah's there, then I'll holler for Liliana to come down. Or Liliana's there, I'll holler for Isaiah to come down. Because if we're having island time, we should have it with everybody.

SPEAKER_01 12:12

Our family, we graze. Yeah, I'm like we are a chips and salsa family. We love chips and salsa.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

Well, and we eat it as soon as it comes. So I cook in stages, right? Like, so I cook the chicken breast once it's rested, slice it, and the vegetables might not be ready yet, or the salad may have already been eaten. And yeah, we're stage eating family. Yes. So, so island time can sometimes be. I mean, honestly, it's usually not little.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

It's usually and when we invite people over, oh yeah, the food is staged on the island. Yes, and we gather around the island and stand and talk and and not just stands. Now we have bar stools.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

Oh yeah. Uh we now I have a bar stool problem now.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

We have five or six bar stools that don't stay in the kitchen, but if we're having island time, it's I'm gonna go grab that stool, drag, drag, drag, drag, drag, drag. And then, you know, we can have comfort around the island.

SPEAKER_00 13:00

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:01

So it's just what we do.

SPEAKER_00 13:03

And I think that like sometimes it doesn't start out as island time.

SPEAKER_01 13:08

Right.

SPEAKER_00 13:09

Right? Like somebody, uh Liliana, when she comes home from practice, man, she is like a she is spitting as much words out of her mouth as she can. Uh, and we want to take advantage of those moments because they don't always happen. She doesn't always want to like just spill her guts. And I think as parents, we have realized no matter what time it is, put our phones down, shut down our. I mean, and that that has been a trained thing. We've had to train ourselves to do it because we understand that she doesn't always want to spill her guts. Isaiah, on the other hand, he has a word count he's trying to get in every single day. Uh, and he wants them to be smart words, and so when like his whole did you know is great, and then I learn.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

So, I mean, if there's something This morning I woke up, I walked in, and he said, Did you hear?

SPEAKER_00 13:55

Yeah, did you hear? And then I said, Oh, I was wide awake at four o'clock this morning. So I had seen something, but I don't read all the things, and so I said, Can you explain that to me? And he, of course, is now my Google. So he's like, Oh, it means so it was great. Yes, it was really great. So, Island Time has been super powerful and a reminder that it doesn't have to be sit down at the dinner table. Like, I think that there was like a whole campaign a couple of years ago about get back to the dinner table, which is fine. I I absolutely think that that's powerful. If you can do that with littler kids, I think it's easier. But with teenagers, this whole island time really is powerful and works for us.

Hard Conversations Without Shame

SPEAKER_01 14:30

Yeah, and that's where we get to have great authentic conversations. Yeah. That's where the deep parenting conversations, you know, drugs, sex, alcohol, violence, stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 14:40

I mean By the way, if you're not having all of those conversations with your kids, you're missing out.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

Yeah. And we we started early.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

Well, and because Google didn't exist when we were a kid. So if we had questions, I mean, I listened back to the episode where I had to call my mom about the the uh fallacio or something. And so yeah, I mean, which is fine.

SPEAKER_01 15:03

A recent thing you're talking about, like when we're 18 or 19.

SPEAKER_00 15:07

So yeah, it's really cool. It's really cool. And we get to hear what they what their perceptions are in the world. So that's probably one of the coolest, most powerful parenting things we've did, we've done.

SPEAKER_01 15:18

Well, and even coming back to those those conversations that we need to have. When I was in the 1980s, my access to porn that was that was limited. Nowadays, there's no limit. There's little no limit to anything.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:37

So to be able to have those conversations early.

unknown 15:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:45

Or to make shame, but yeah, but to open up, you know, this is something that we talk about.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:52

And it might feel uncomfortable, but it's not a non-starter.

SPEAKER_00 15:56

Well, and I tell them it's about them when it feels uncomfortable. I mean, don't get me wrong, there's moments where I'm like, this makes me uncomfortable as a mom. And yet it's important that we have these conversations about, you know, sex and drugs and violence and whatever whatever else is going on in their world.

SPEAKER_01 16:16

And that's that's when we've had got to have the political conversations too. Not not the brainwashing, the the anti-brainwashing about, oh, this is what your friends are saying. Why do you think your friends are saying that?

SPEAKER_00 16:32

I feel like they're brainwashing me more. Isaiah is definitely smarter than I am. And Liliana definitely has a stand about a few things. Yes. Which is funny because I don't know that we necessarily have very open political, not that we hide our politics, but I don't know, just like with anything, I don't want anyone to feel like we don't ever force it down anyone's throats.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

We d it we're the opposite.

SPEAKER_00 16:55

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:56

I mean, do we care? Yes.

Meeting Kids Where They Are

SPEAKER_00 16:59

Yeah. And I it's the conversation. It's back to like island time for us, sometimes started with you and I having business conversations and Isaiah just eavesdropping and hearing it. And same with Liliana, right? Now she's looking at how does she take the things that we're saying out loud and make them something in her life and um how she can have an impact for people. So yeah. Island time, listen to the kids, have powerful conversations about things that make you feel uncomfortable. Uh, and I say to people, if if they don't, or if I say to my children, if they don't feel comfortable talking to me, talk to somebody, talk to an adult. There's plenty in my life that quite frankly would probably never tell me. And that they should. They should have that security there. So yeah, cool stuff. Well, from Studio V, Yeah. It's been a this has been an epic adventure.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

So right before I came up, uh Liliana said to me, Dad, you know you're ruining our Love Island time.

SPEAKER_00 17:59

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 18:00

We'll be down. We'll be down soon. We we are not a fan wait, wait, wait.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

We are a fan of hanging out with our kids.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

We are a fan of hanging out with our kids.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

At almost any cost.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

Just I mean, it was not my plan to be a cheer dad. And now I'm a cheer dad.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

Oh my gosh, and he's got a cheer dad shirt for every day of the week.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

Oh, I learned the dances, I do all the fun things. Uh it was not my intention to ever golf, but my son golfs, and he said to me this week, Dad, I'd love if you got on the golf course with me. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

Notice nobody wants me to get on the golf course.

SPEAKER_01 18:33

You're right.

SPEAKER_00 18:34

I probably would be okay.

SPEAKER_01 18:35

Uh on the last vacation, we started watching or Liliana was watching dance moms. And we weren't intrigued by dance moms. We were intrigued by sitting with her and talking about it. So thus we began watching dance moms. Liliana and Raven have been watching Love Islands. We like Liliana and Raven, thus, we started watching Love Island.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

And it's easy to do on vacation because everybody has it for relaxed time, and so we're all relaxing watching Love Island.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

It's so many times. So, like last night, when I'm like, next episode, and they're like, Dad, you watch garbage. Because it's I would say to them, you know, last week, you guys watch garbage.

SPEAKER_00 19:10

And whenever the music comes on, it says words that I disapprove of. I'm like, this is garbage.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

This is garbage. And then, you know, last night I'm like, next episode, Dad, you're watching garbage. So uh I believe that's what's next in store. We're gonna watch some Love Island. We're going to grab some breakfast and enjoy our uh last full day of vacation here in Carlsbad.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

Yeah. Take time, take time to relax, take time for your family, and uh of course enjoy an epic life.