NASCAR Setup And Money Questions

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Okay, we're so excited about this episode because we have a special guest, and Kayla brings some incredible tips and tricks and talks to us about um basically a rewind of what it was like to be us 25 years ago, I think. So you don't miss this. 20 years ago. Okay, 20 years ago. Yes. You don't want to miss this episode. We talk about blending finances, we talk about journeys and where they're headed, and we talk about love.

SPEAKER_05 0:24

Welcome back to another episode of the Just an Epic Life Podcast. My name is Nick. I'm sitting next to Kesley. And we have a guest.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

We do have a guest. I'm so excited to introduce Kayla Lester. Lassiter. Lassiter. Lass Lasseter. Oh my gosh, I messed that up completely. Kayla Lasseter. We are, it's funny because she's one of Jada's friends and we're out at NASCAR, which is cool. So we're recording from studio uh Motorhome. RV, whatever we call it. And uh she said something yesterday in a conversation where she talked about how her and her husband have been married since January. Okay, since January. They haven't blended finances, and my brain just went like so many things. I have so many questions. And I told her I'm not gonna ask you a single one because I want it to be off the answer here. Yeah. So she even started asking me questions. I said, Stop it! I need all the questions. When we're recording, yeah, because I think that and it's oh my gosh, you weren't there. And I'm okay saying all of this. The um conversation out there was I was telling Hope about how excited I was about this conversation. And I said, and Isaiah was asking about it, and I said the blending finances. And then somehow we got to the prenup conversation because the blending finances I think isn't a conversation being had with the people. And uh Hope says, Well, don't you think that a prenup, and I'm gonna ask you if you have one, um, don't you think a prenup is like not having faith in the relationship? And Isaiah's response, and it was very fast, was that's like saying, Let's not wear a condom because I'll pull out and trusting that all that's gonna happen. And I was like, Okay, like the graphic of it was very anyways, so prenup? No, prenup, okay. All right, so Kayla, we've known each other for we can go way back. She just actually realized that my daughter, our daughter, was with her at uh a volleyball thing, and she was like, Oh, I love your daughter, which I love to hear. So yeah, she's a sweetheart. Okay, so let's take

Meet Kayla And Her Story

SPEAKER_02 2:35

30 seconds, whatever tell tell our viewers and our listeners about you. It's a snapshot. Um my goodness.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Well, I don't like sitting still. I've been dabbling in the medical field and then into the hospitality field, and I'm very, very family-oriented. So I love my brothers and I love my family, I love other people's family. I lived in Austin for two years. We moved back, we were really, really broke, and then we're starting to save more, and then now our dream is to move out of state and build a barnuminium. I like it.

SPEAKER_02 3:10

I like it.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

Uncle's very good.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

And how long did you and your husband date before you got married?

SPEAKER_01 3:17

We dated for I believe 10 months.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

Oh, that's fast.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

Before we got engaged, but he was also my best friend for 13 years. Oh, you knew each other. Yes. So I've known him since I was in fifth grade.

SPEAKER_02 3:28

Okay, very good. And then you were engaged for how long?

SPEAKER_01 3:30

We engaged for about two years.

SPEAKER_02 3:32

Okay. That seems long. Okay, very good.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

And then working out all the little kinks in the relationship.

SPEAKER_02 3:38

Okay, tell me more about that.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

Um, we went from being best friends to being in a relationship to living together to working hand in hand together. So it was a lot of blending our personalities and blending our work brain, not just relationship and best friend brain. But the work brain was definitely a hill to climb. A hill to climb.

SPEAKER_05 4:01

And what is work?

SPEAKER_01 4:02

What is work is hospitality. So we work at home, but we do everything on the computer and over the phone. So my dad is my boss, but it was I am very a control freak, so I like having the control of everything, responding to the emails how I want to. He's a little bit more brazing because he used to work in construction. So he has more of the no, that's not right. We're doing it this way. And I find, okay, what common ground can we come to where we're happy and you're happy? So it's very butting heads. But the difficulty with work was since my dad is the boss, it seemed in me and my dad have kind of the same brain. It felt very much to him of I was taking my dad's side and not taking my fiance, my husband's side. And so that kind of drove a little bit of a wedge in our relationship until we were able to talk it out, go for walks, be outside, outside of home, outside of work, to then understand, okay, no, we really mean the same thing. I'm just my phrasing isn't right for what he needs to hear.

SPEAKER_05 5:06

So I can relate because my wife is my boss, and my father-in-law is my boss. The two of them are the owners of this epic thing that we've created together. And I'm we can say owner with italics. I'm the owner. They're owners. So I understand uh having to navigate figuring out how to work together and figure out how to live together and keeping those separate. And you even brought this up earlier.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

Your question was I didn't let her ask it, so let's let her ask it.

SPEAKER_05 5:44

You started it and Kessie's like, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

Yeah, I gotta shut down a little bit. Yes. Sorry, I need it. Now I want it.

Working Together Without Butting Heads

SPEAKER_01 5:50

What advice do you have for either a married couple or newlywed couple working together, trying to build a life, but not butting heads, making sure that always the relationship comes first. But how do you guys build such a strong partnership with work?

SPEAKER_05 6:05

My short answer is uniforms. 100%. And okay, so if you agree with that, okay, short answer being uniforms. Right now, I'm not in a logoed shirt. You're not in a logo shirt.

SPEAKER_02 6:18

This is my husband. This is my husband right now.

SPEAKER_05 6:21

We are on this day together, we're having fun. This is not work. When I work, I'm wearing a specific type of shirt with the company logo on it. When Kesley is working, she is wearing a specific logo. Uh and in the morning, when I'm doing my morning time, when I'm walking, I'm not in my work clothes. I mean, just like if if let's say a firefighter, they're not going to uh respond to emergencies in playing clothes, and they're not going to spend time with their families in their uniform. There is a time to shed the uniform and take on life. And we're intentional about that.

SPEAKER_02 7:03

So I feel like we stole this from some the uniform thing we didn't steal from somebody, but um the uniforms make it so easy. So I um I wear my daughter dad stuff. That's who I am. He wears that mobile home team, that that mobile home guy. And it's so funny because uh as the as that type of relationship has evolved, now he'll stand in a certain any spot in the house when he's done working and he'll rip his shirt on the street.

SPEAKER_05 7:27

On LineSpace, she was working in the patio and I walked out and I was done working. I walked out, I didn't have to say anything, I just took my shirt off and walked away. Because that's I I always say, honey, I'm home. Yes, and I take off my shirt. Yeah, and I put on another shirt.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

So it's so multiple things. I feel like if you choose to have children, this is great for the children too, because our children understand when we're in our uniforms, we are still working. It doesn't mean they won't come talk to us, um, and yet they know, hey, if mom's in her daughter-dad stuff, she is working and she's still doing it. There are a few times that I'll start cooking in my uniform, but it's because I know there's still a few things I might need to do. Um, but yeah, once that uniform comes off, I am mom, I am wife, I am sister, I am friend, I am all the things, and it makes so much it makes everything

Uniforms And Home Boundaries

SPEAKER_02 8:12

easier.

SPEAKER_05 8:12

There's there's clarity, there's not a who are you right now?

SPEAKER_02 8:15

We also do not allow conversations in the bathroom. Not like the toilet room, but like our bathroom has the sinks and the shower. And I feel like probably most people, their their brains are firing on all cylinders in the morning. And so uh we had a few spats, and we don't argue or fight very often, uh, but we had a few spats in the bathroom, and that's when I said we will no longer talk about work in the bathroom because I feel like it's a sanctuary. It's a I'm putting my makeup on, I'm getting dressed. Sometimes you're walking around naked, right? Like, so it's kind of a moment. The last thing you want to talk about is work for starters, and probably it's before your actual work day starts. And and so now it is okay. We do have moments where we talk about work, but it's the moments that I think most married or partnership relationships have where you're like, this is what happened at work today.

SPEAKER_05 9:05

Yeah, and um you're not working through things, you're just sort of not venting that's wrong. Little highlights.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

Uh no, no, we have vent moments, right? Like I I can remember a conversation where I said to him, I'm like, I cannot wait to tell you about this employee of mine. I was talking about him. Yeah, and I'm like, this employee pissed me off. And he's like, Can I tell you about my boss? She was awful.

SPEAKER_05 9:26

And so honestly, and we can comically talk about that.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

Honestly, I feel like when we decided to do those things, yeah, it made a huge difference because now his boss is a separate person. My employee is a separate person, and it's not any different than any other boss or employee. So I feel like wear uniforms, I think that that's huge.

SPEAKER_05 9:47

I think language choice. So Castle's called me out on it many times. Uh she says you would never speak to a boss that way. He would never, and I'm like, uh, I mean that, but that's that's me blurring the lines and not being a great employee or team member. Um during during operating hours, if she calls, I say hey boss. If my father-in-law calls during operating hours, hey boss. And then sometimes if she's calling me as as my wife, she's like, I say, hey boss, she says, nope, I'm your wife.

SPEAKER_03 10:19

I said, Hey babe. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 10:21

Different tone, different language. Yeah. Uh and it's intentional. We weren't always like this, but we we've seen that this is how we thrive.

SPEAKER_02 10:31

And we do, we thrive that way. So yeah, those things. And I think um, I don't know if you call your husband his name all of the time. Never. Uh it's always hubby. Right. You shouldn't call him hubby when you're working, yeah. Because that would be an HR problem.

SPEAKER_05 10:47

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 10:47

Very true.

SPEAKER_02 10:48

Very true. So, I mean, at lunch, by all means, like if you want to take a lunch break, maybe. I mean it's your turn. This is what works for us.

SPEAKER_01 10:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:55

So I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

I think it's also a little strange,

Compartmentalizing Space And Relationship Modes

SPEAKER_01 11:00

a little different, trying to find navigate our own path because with my parents have always owned their own business. It's only ever been those two owning their own business and working together my whole life. So I've never seen them super lovey-dovey towards each other, the true relationship, how I want to be with my husband. I've seen, like, they love each other, don't get me wrong. But it's, I never grew up looking at the mushy, the hugging, the kissing, the all over each other. I saw work brain and I saw my parents. And so trying to blend that from what I know to me and him, and he's always had parents that have had nine to five stable jobs five days a week. And then trying to find the difference of when we turn our relationship up versus when we turn our work brain up has always been kind of a different line. So sometimes we'll just talk to each other normally, and then I tell him, Nope, I need my husband right now. I don't need my employee, I don't need my my co-person. I just I need to vent to my husband. And then he'll get times where he's like, I just need to rant to my employee because this person is pissing me off. Yeah. It's like, okay, cool.

SPEAKER_02 12:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:11

So we kind of just designate those lines first. But there's definitely some times where we bring it into one room of our apartment, into the living room, and we'll still talk about work. I'm like, if we're gonna talk about work, we gotta confine it in that room because I can't handle everywhere in the apartment talking about work. Can't do it. Yeah, I was like, I'm gonna go crazy.

SPEAKER_05 12:29

Yeah, COVID helped us because we compartmentalized our home. This is where the kids go to school, this is where Nick teaches. This is what so we had a church in our house. This is where church is on Sundays, and then we chuck the curtain. So uh compartment compartmentalizing is is a good thing. Um we hold hands, but never during work.

SPEAKER_02 12:57

Yeah, well, we're not usually together.

SPEAKER_05 12:59

I know, but sometimes if it's during operating hours and we're holding hands, chances are we're on a four-minute break to walk around the block. That's that's a break.

unknown 13:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 13:11

And then we're husband-wife, and we hold it.

SPEAKER_02 13:13

I also think you have relationship goals. Like you want your relationship to look different than your parents, and remember that your relationship is different than your parents, right? You're a different human, your husband's different, and the personality types of your parents is probably different than yours. And so I think having those conversations with the hubs about what you want that to look like, I think goes a long way. I think well, we'll we will always tell you that the success of our relationship is communication. And Tara actually, she's funny because she's always had an inside look since she's been part of our family, and she's like, the way you two communicate, like it's just um, I think he holds on to stuff, he doesn't say it out of his mouth, but usually if it's in my brain, it's out of my mouth very fast.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

Yep, I'm gonna say my second one. He holds it in a little bit longer until it really bugs him, and then he spits it out. I have to rehearse how to say it.

SPEAKER_02 14:01

And I just say it. Yeah, yeah. So it's crazy.

Income Imbalance And Power Dynamics

SPEAKER_05 14:06

You asked about finances. Uh when we first started dating, she was employed, I was not. Uh, when we kept dating, she was employed. She had three jobs at one time, and I was not.

SPEAKER_02 14:17

Uh the house was clean and dinner was made when I got home.

SPEAKER_05 14:20

She bought like when we were seniors in high school and we didn't go to the same school, she she bought like she didn't approve of my clothes, so she she worked a job and so she could raise enough money to have me in a shirt that she was proud to go on a date with me.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

Which is funny because one of our dates was him taking me taking him to the mall to get some new clothes, to branch out a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

Sounds like out of the Bass Pro Shop hat era. And reach out a little bit to something else.

SPEAKER_02 14:48

I'm with the hockey jerseys every single day. I get it.

SPEAKER_05 14:52

Uh and in college, uh, you know, my I my major required so much of my time, uh, and my scholarships required so much of my time. And so but Kesley was working, and I was working on school.

SPEAKER_02 15:08

I was still in college.

SPEAKER_05 15:09

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. But being being a public relations major requires some time. Being a uh a double major and also a performer requires a lot of time. So the performance. There was a lot of one-sidedness in college where she was bringing in income and I was not. Um and we navigated that okay. And then we got to when we were dual income, no kids.

SPEAKER_02 15:36

Well, for starters, I feel like freshman year of college, uh, I got sick of him using all of his parents' money. Like they were giving him money for everything, dates, whatever. So I come, I think it was a rehearsal or something for one of the shows we were in, and I literally handed him a checkbook and a demo card, and I said, Here, stop using your parents' money. And he was like, What is this? I said, This is my money. Stop using your parents' money. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

So, question for y'all then Do you feel like there was a how do I phrase this? A dynamic shift or or a one person is over another with that? Because I feel like that was the very beginning of our relationship too, because I was working for the company a year before Austin was, and so I was making more than him. I knew more knowledge, and then it kind of felt like a little bit of an imbalance, and we had a little spit and spat over it, and then we went for walks and we kind of talked about it a little bit more, and now we're on the same level, but I definitely thought there was a power dynamic a little bit, which I didn't know if that was just me because I like controlling things. I'm a little bit of a control freak. If things aren't done a specific way or typed out a specific way, then the message is not read. And then I get kind of balled up and I feel like I have to respond back my way. But I had to kind of relinquish that a little bit and let him take control. But curious to see if there was any kind of dynamic changes.

SPEAKER_02 17:05

So you think that he had a feeling about you making more money than him?

SPEAKER_01 17:09

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 17:10

Yeah, but it's never been the thing.

SPEAKER_05 17:11

I love that she makes more money than me.

SPEAKER_02 17:13

We used to joke and say, uh, I would say, I'm making more money than you this month because you know, commission-based income versus he was a stuff.

SPEAKER_05 17:22

I knew exactly how much was coming in.

SPEAKER_02 17:24

And he's like, Okay, cool. So, like when we went from he was making more money, like in the new business, and when we were dual income, no kids, uh, we were making about the same for a long time. And then we had Isaiah, and then it was just like, you know, we had Isaiah. So then I started my business a year after Isaiah was born, and um I mean it took three years, but then it was pretty consistent. I was making more. Um, and it wasn't a lot, it was a little. And really, if we look at what I actually was making, like with expenses and stuff, I probably wasn't making that much more. Yeah, um, but no, I feel like but we don't because we got married so young and we didn't really have money, uh, thank god for the support of our parents financially, physically, spiritually, all the things um everything just became ours. And so uh it's funny because we look at different phases of our relationship, we look at moments where I feel like I was the supporter of him and his career. And then there was a shift, and I I used to say to him, I'm like, you don't support me. And his and that shifted, and that was because he then he was music teacher, which music teacher, choir teacher of the largest program in Arizona, the largest, largest men's program in Arizona. So it was very it required a lot of time and he was not compensated for that time, which used to make me irate because if I put more time into my business, I make more money. And so um it but then it shifted, and he was like, I'll do I can do all the things for you. Like, what is it I can do for you? And so it's it's been a little bit of shifting into new lives and new worlds and um good support. And so I no, but it never bothered either one of us. I I think it might have bothered me he made more money, but only because I knew I could make more money, so it was like the more money I make, the bigger life we get to have.

SPEAKER_05 19:14

And we just naturally fell into what we enjoy doing and what we don't enjoy doing in terms of household. I don't enjoy cooking, I enjoy cleaning.

SPEAKER_02 19:25

He doesn't enjoy shopping.

SPEAKER_05 19:26

That's nothing sexist, that's nothing, you know, the patriarchal. No, I get no joy from cooking. But I this morning when you guys were outside and I came in here and I cleaned, that brought me joy. Yeah. Have you ever loved doing dishes?

SPEAKER_02 19:40

Oh my god, I hate I love it! When the kids leave, I'm like, I've gotta pay somebody.

SPEAKER_05 19:45

You you love seeing vacuum lines on the ground. Oh, I sure do. But you don't like running the vacuum lines.

SPEAKER_02 19:50

Oh, I I I actually don't mind I like vacuuming. Do you? Yeah, that would be the one short.

SPEAKER_01 19:53

See, I hate vacuuming, I hate vacuuming, I hate steaming, but cooking in dishes I'll do all day long. Yeah, not laundry. It's chicken.

SPEAKER_05 20:00

That's something you're doing.

SPEAKER_02 20:00

Nobody likes to do laundry. Tell me one person that likes to do laundry. Nope, nobody does. Yeah, no, like I find it. Okay, I want to move the conversation to you because that's why we brought you here. So, but thanks for the questions. I feel like it's cool to watch. I mean, Nick and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage this year. Congratulations. Uh, we were married for or we were engaged for a short time, uh, six months. Yep. Um, we dated for two years, just under two years.

SPEAKER_04 20:25

Well, oh well, we proposed essentially to each other, like on our two-year database.

SPEAKER_02 20:30

Yeah, so uh, but we were young and dumb kids. And uh I grew up with 28. We were smarter than most kids our age, I think. And I think that's why our parents didn't go, no, you're not doing that. Uh but anyways, okay, so we didn't have finances to blend. So talk to me about okay, so I asked you questions and I said you can answer them, but did you run a background check, a credit check? Like, because he could he could have potentially lied about his finances, right? Like, yeah if he if and I've heard stories or read books, maybe some fiction or otherwise, um, about people who don't say what's real about their finances when they get married, and then you find out when when you join households or get married or whatever the case is. So go.

Credit Cards Honesty And Blending Money

SPEAKER_01 21:13

Okay, so when we were dating, we talked about getting engaged, we talked about spending forever with each other. So it was always the longest-running joke of okay, if we're 30 and we haven't found anyone, we're marrying each other. Okay, and that just kept going down and down and down until about 25. We both were always in, someone was in a relationship, so we never had the chance. In high school, we both really wanted to date, we had the feelings and everything, but I felt God speak to me of now is not the time, not right now. And so I really honed in on that and I told him I was like, something is speaking to me, and it's saying, Not right now. So then we got together after college, after our crazy relationships and everything. So within the first Three months of dating, his job got moved to Austin, Texas. Nursing school is really hard to get into in this state, but it's easier to get into in Texas. So I was like, you know what? I'm gonna go with you because a bunch of my family lives in Texas. I was like, if worse comes to case, I'll have people in that state that I can rally behind, I can go to if I need anything. So we ended up just moving together three months into dating in Austin, Texas. And we both kind of getting really bad with our finances, door dashing everything, eating out, going to arcades, just spending all of our money. And so I told him, I was like, How are you with your credit card? He was like, Oh, I let it roll over a couple times, like a couple months, and then I'll pay it off. And I grew up with a family of you only spend the money on your credit card if you have that money. So I was like, even if I don't have the money or don't feel comfortable paying off my credit card, it's going to get paid off because I don't want it to roll over. So I told them, I was like, I need your credit card to be more stable before we can get into this very long-term relationship that I know we both want to. Because I don't want to get into a marriage or engagement if you were still very, very behind in your credit card. Because I'm being completely honest of where I am with student debt, with where I am just financially. You can look at my bank records, I don't care if I have an open book. So he started honing in a lot more on his credit cards, and I said, okay, now I I do want to get serious. Like now that we can be a little bit more financially responsible. So he ended up saving up all of his money that he possibly had for my ring, which I'm very grateful for. It's stunning. Um, but we came out of Austin, Texas broke. I think we each had about a thousand dollars left for each of us.

SPEAKER_02 23:48

And how old are you at this time?

SPEAKER_01 23:51

I was 22. He was 21 when we left Texas. So we both then from living together moved back into our own parents' house, which was really, really hard for their relationship because we went from spending a year and a half, two years together, living with each other, spending nonstop time to then being separated again. So then we found our new apartment now. And uh we've talked about blending finances. We have a joint card that we spend bills and then extra money that we have that we're not we know we're not gonna use. We put in that savings account so we can save together. We haven't blended finances yet, but that's just because life gets busy and tax season and just got married and honeymoon and getting back into work. But we will be blending finances, but I needed to make sure that he had his that's just that one thing. This is just credit card. I just needed to make sure it was more in line, and then we've gotten to have more conversations about where we are financially. But going back to your question about you could easily lie about finances, that's what I love about our relationship that we've been best friends for 13, 14 years because he knows my biggest pet peeve and my biggest hatred is lying. I don't deal with lying. I've been very, very honest with abusive ex-boyfriends and personal family stuff, and we've just always been the type of relationship to never lie. And he knows that if one of us lies, then we're out of line, we're gonna either fix it or something's gonna change.

SPEAKER_02 25:22

Okay, so you're gonna blend finances. Are you still gonna have his and your money?

SPEAKER_01 25:26

Um, no, we're gonna blend it all together. Okay, but we wanted to make sure that we're both finding a good routine to have with our finances first, then we blend, we can still continue that good routine and not get into bad habits and be like, oh, well, once we blend, we have this much money that we can spend. Rather than we're both in our routines, we know we have bills, we know we have credit cards, we know we have life savings and barninium savings that we want to then join together and we're still trying to fight for that goal.

SPEAKER_02 25:58

I think we only now have his and her money, and it's just our Venmo accounts. Yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_05 26:04

It's like, oh wait, are you paying for cheer this month or am I paying for Susan?

SPEAKER_02 26:08

We have our and it's funny because I don't want him to look at my Venmo account because it has so much money in it. And he wants to put everything on a spreadsheet that shows what our um net worth. Thank you. I'm like, wealth is what our net worth is, and I'm like, don't look at that number. That's like my money, it's my hidden money. And honestly, all of that.

SPEAKER_05 26:27

My Venmo is like 800 bucks. Oh cheer for two months.

SPEAKER_02 26:31

Um my Venmo has enough to pay for all of next year.

SPEAKER_05 26:34

Awesome. Show me.

SPEAKER_02 26:36

No, I think I have like L sense. No, no, no, no. So yeah, no, I never because I feel like I Venmo for cheer stuff and and a few other brands.

SPEAKER_05 26:45

And reimbursements and stuff for cheer stuff.

SPEAKER_02 26:47

So I feel like it's actually it's not, but it's like my free money that I can do whatever I want.

SPEAKER_01 26:51

Yeah, but yeah. So I have a little bit of that, I guess, because when I do private lessons with volleyball, it always goes to my Venmo account. Oh, yeah. But I also use that for either I'm gonna spend a good portion on Amazon and have my little espresso machine, and everything's gonna be great. Or we decide to use that money for like a little date night and like we just decided to treat ourselves at a super nice restaurant.

Spending Limits And Permission Numbers

SPEAKER_05 27:10

Is what is the monetary amount where you would be comfortable on a Saturday spending without saying, hey hubs, it's are you okay if I spend this?

SPEAKER_01 27:24

Like consistently or just like a way of that?

SPEAKER_02 27:27

Like if any day, any day. Like you decide you want to buy X today and it costs X dollars. What's the X dollar amount that it's okay that you feel like he would just be like, Oh, I'm glad he bought it, or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 27:39

Like you don't feel like you need permission or or to have a uh see, and that's what's hard though, because he is very if I'm happy, he is happy. So he doesn't care how much he'll pick up another job, he'll do whatever he can so that I'm happy. So if you spent $2,000 tomorrow, go crazy. I bought a hat and a shirt today, and I was like, I spent $90 and I'm hurting. I was like, this hurts. This hurts. I hate spending money. Okay, but food is different. I don't know why. Like I can spend all my money on food.

SPEAKER_02 28:05

Okay, so the reverse question What's the number that you feel comfortable with him spending without asking you?

SPEAKER_01 28:14

I would say on a weekend.

SPEAKER_02 28:17

Or any day, any day.

SPEAKER_01 28:20

I'd be happy if he can keep it under $200.

SPEAKER_02 28:24

Okay, so under $200, he's not calling you to say, hey, babe, I'm spending $200. Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

But I do like that in our relationship where he's like, hey, like this morning he called me and goes, I think I'm bored this weekend. I have this extra money. I think I want to go get a tattoo. It's gonna be about this much. Do you have any negative feelings about it? Are you opposing for any reason? I'm like, if your credit card's paid, then I'm chilling, then everything's fine. Go for it, have fun. But it's very we just talk to each other and get how we feel about it first before doing that.

SPEAKER_02 28:57

Yeah, sometimes you don't have that opportunity. That's what I'm saying. I'm like, So what's our number?

SPEAKER_01 29:02

Okay, okay, now I'm curious.

SPEAKER_02 29:03

So this is funny. I was who did I play this with? I played this with some other women because uh I think how she answered was pretty spot on. Like, she probably has a feeling about it more than whether or not she's having a conversation with him.

SPEAKER_03 29:16

Right.

SPEAKER_02 29:17

And I feel like my number is probably very large, but if you spent a number, I would come uncle.

SPEAKER_05 29:24

Okay, let's quantify this information.

SPEAKER_02 29:25

All right. I think I could probably spend five grand sounds terrible, but five grand. And I think if you spent five grand without talking to me, I'd lose my mind. But I also think you think my number is probably closer to a thousand.

SPEAKER_05 29:39

Um I I I think if I was spending two hundred I would have to.

SPEAKER_02 29:42

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_05 29:44

And I I think if you spent five grand, I would I would I think I'd be we would have a conversation.

SPEAKER_02 29:51

I think we would.

SPEAKER_05 29:52

We would have a conversation about hey, I'm not comfortable with that.

SPEAKER_02 29:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:56

Like next time I think around a grand.

SPEAKER_02 29:59

Yeah, I told you a grand.

SPEAKER_05 30:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:02

But but you know, I'm just such a quick quick display.

SPEAKER_05 30:04

But for my 40th birthday, me asking for that nice guitar, that well, we were in a financial that was five years ago, six years ago. Our finances were were much different. But that guitar, that was a stretch.

SPEAKER_02 30:18

Uh my Mustang. We spent about the same money.

SPEAKER_05 30:21

Yeah, your Mustang and my guitar both cost about 5,500.

SPEAKER_02 30:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:25

So that's what's also hard too.

SPEAKER_05 30:27

Is like But that was those were long conversations of building up to it.

SPEAKER_01 30:29

Correct. We also just want to take care of the other person and make sure they have the best life and the best opportunities and everything that they want. But then we meet back in the middle. We're like, oh crap, we shouldn't have spent all that money. Okay, let's try to be my next one.

Saving For Land And A Barndominium

SPEAKER_02 30:44

So, okay, so here's my next question then. Yeah. If you're not spending that money, what are you working for?

SPEAKER_01 30:49

Um, we want to buy a piece of land in a different state to then build a barnuminium ourselves.

SPEAKER_05 30:56

So we're gonna try there full-time.

unknown 30:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 30:59

So we're trying to save a lot of money. So one, I can go to nursing school and not have to worry about student debt, but also enough money to pay land tax, but building costs and sewer and plumbing and all the things to build that are dream home. Out of curiosity, yeah. Do you know what that number is yet? We have a rough ballpark. We want to save at least 300,000 if we can to start. Okay, well, our goal technically is 150,000. That way we can at least start buying land and looking at the same as countries.

SPEAKER_02 31:37

Okay. But next episode will be how we teach a 25-year-old not to do that. And not to teach, uh educate on how you can multiply that money faster.

SPEAKER_05 31:48

Other liquid or semi-liquid places to store that. And I mean, places to store it that offer protection from creditors. And and I mean, God forbid if there's a car accident and you're at fault, if if you have funds in that checking account or th that savings account.

SPEAKER_01 32:10

We've had a lot of curveballs that we've been trying to work through and see the other side, but it's it's hard when you don't know information you don't know. Sure. So there's a whole bunch of different avenues with with rentals, with Facebook Marketplace, with starting your own company for clothing, for volleyball and private lesson. Like there's just so many different avenues. It's trying to figure out well, which one's the best? Well, you don't know which one's the best unless you try them. But then how much are you going to try versus losing your money at the end? Sure. My brain just goes in spirals.

SPEAKER_05 32:45

What revenue stream?

SPEAKER_02 32:47

Sorry, I have to I have to now type my questions down so I make sure that they get asked you

Choosing Revenue Streams And Letting Go

SPEAKER_02 32:51

to do it.

SPEAKER_05 32:51

Yesterday morning, you know, we I I was reading a book. She was so we were having some really good executive level quiet time. I love quiet time with not with each other, but in our own respective, I was reading a book that was, and I'm writing in the margins, all these things that are coming. Four hours later, we've already implemented what our own discovery was. And it was like lunchtime, and we're reflecting back, like, hey, so this I looked at it differently this way, so I did this today. And she was like, Well, speaking of looking at things another way, I did this and this and this, and and we're like, that's a viable business. And then it's like, okay, is it worth our time to focus on this revenue stream? You know, what's the what's the the lost opportunity cost? If if you start, you know, doing the the book thing, yeah. Uh how how many hours is that taking away from the content business? How many hours is that taking away from real estate business? How many hours is that taking away from owning a mobile home park? I mean, and where is it worth spending it? Because I don't know about your relationship, but the two of us we're quite successful at the things that we try. And we could I could be the most successful uh uh dishwasher in a restaurant. I would be that restaurant would be so blessed to have me washing their dishes. But is that the right use of my time?

SPEAKER_01 34:21

Probably not. And that's what we're also trying to find is he's good at looking at the bigger picture, and I am feet to the ground, pound it out, get it done. What do I need? If I need to spend 12 hours doing something, I will. Like redoing a database for our job. I will spend quite literally eight hours of my time just getting it nice and organized and redone, so our clients have a good picture and our warehouse has a good picture, and my boss, my father has a good picture, and everyone knows what's going on. But he can look at that and be like, Well, it's most likely these four things that are going wrong. I'm gonna run with it. But my brain has OCD, where like I need to go through everything. So he's very good at finding the bigger picture, but I need to go through every small little micro detail, and then everything will be laid out perfectly.

SPEAKER_02 35:07

I feel like I'm a vision caster, and it's funny because I'll say just a like um imagine like coloring a page, right? And I feel like all I have to do is pick up my purple crayon and just start coloring a little bit, and then all of a sudden Nick can see the full thing. But he's like, We need so um, and I'm just still focused on my purple crayon, and he's like, no, no, no, this and this and this and this, and I'm like, no, no, my purple crayon. You're distracting me, I'm going outside the lines here.

SPEAKER_05 35:36

There are times when you need to sharpen the purple crayon for those crisp black.

SPEAKER_02 35:40

Like, no, but it's pretty enough. Yes, 100%.

SPEAKER_01 35:43

Like, wait, wait, what if we started to introduce purple colored pencil to shade this and that's what's hard for my brain to understand and kind of relinquish that control of like, okay, well, maybe he does know better, or maybe he sees something that I can't see. But I, if I'm not, and I'm trying really hard, but if I'm not in control of something, I don't believe in it, I don't understand it unless I can he can say it into words where I can understand or get on his same page. Sometimes it's just that leap of fate that scares the crap out of me.

SPEAKER_02 36:13

Okay, let me bring this full circle to your life. You're a coach, you most literally let go of control the moment those athletes hit the court. You cannot play their position for them.

SPEAKER_00 36:26

That is true.

SPEAKER_02 36:27

And so, like, I'm having a moment of like what would happen if you just trusted.

SPEAKER_01 36:34

I don't know. Because a lot of that too is I know the specifics of each person. I know pretty much what their strength and what their weaknesses are. So if something is not working, there's things that me or Jada can change or rotate the lineup in a certain way where maybe a person who's struggling now goes to the front row, so they're not getting the ball. Or maybe we have to sub out, or maybe our libero goes in instead. Like there's always something to change. And I feel like that's a little bit of control that I have, but I'm I'm really working on releasing that control. Well, I'm just gonna do that.

SPEAKER_02 37:13

I'm gonna let you take on that maybe he he's just the volleyball player on the court and you should just see what they're gonna what he's gonna do.

SPEAKER_01 37:20

And that's what that that's what he told me as well, is what if with one of our our arguments of I feel like I can't make a mistake sometimes because you're right there to catch it. And I feel like as soon as I maybe try something new, if it doesn't work, you're right there to tell me it doesn't work. And I took that of okay, I would hate that in a coworker or a boss. So why am I doing that to the one person I love the most in this world?

SPEAKER_02 37:48

I think the woman who has the parking pass just arrived.

SPEAKER_05 37:50

Oh well that I we're at a good pause point. I may have a good stop point.

SPEAKER_02 37:56

I'm gonna send you out. I want to ask her two more questions.

SPEAKER_05 37:59

Pardon me while I okay, anyway. Oh, so we're there. So you're good from your account, not from my account. Have you already been out of her?

SPEAKER_02 38:06

No, I have not. She did she's gonna need help with that. Alright. Okay, all right. I'm like, her name's Julie, I think.

unknown 38:13

Julie?

SPEAKER_02 38:16

Maybe not. Okay, all right, here are my two questions.

Parents Expectations And Newlywed Pressure

SPEAKER_02 38:22

What do you think is the hardest part about being newly married and maybe potentially being your age?

SPEAKER_01 38:28

Um, hardest part about newly married is we both have undevotional love with our parents, with each of our parents. So feeling like we have the obligation to see them once a week. Okay, well, we saw your parents twice last month, so I need to see my parents twice. This having that is very hard. Okay. Being newlywed, especially because my parents are out of the state and his is 20 minutes away from where we live.

SPEAKER_02 38:59

Okay. So it's balancing familial obligations.

SPEAKER_01 39:04

Yeah. But it's also sometimes one of our parents will have more of an opinion than the other, and one doesn't care, but one truly strongly cares about how much we're seeing them. So it's trying to blend that dynamic, but also trying to tell them we are trying to start our own family, we're trying to start our own routines and things that we wanted, new traditions and everything.

SPEAKER_02 39:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:29

So blending that is definitely difficult. And I'm not gonna lie, I forgot your second question.

SPEAKER_02 39:33

Uh no, I think uh I I well, I wondered if your if you think your age has anything to do with it. Like if you were my age just getting married, do you think that that would still be the same?

SPEAKER_01 39:43

Um, I don't know because I've only lived to the age that I am now, but I do think we are a little bit more ahead of our time than the rest of the people our age because they're still worrying about what bars or clubs they're going to that weekend or what weeknight they're going out, or and you're done with that scene. Uh we're done. We're more focused on if our weekly show is coming out that night. We have a date night, we're watching that show, and we're having a great time, or who's cleaning the floors versus doing the dishes, or I feel like that was very much Nick and I. Yeah, I just feel like our priorities are different from other people our age.

SPEAKER_02 40:26

I love it. Okay, and then tell me, I'm just gonna finish this off. What excites you most about like where you are on your journey, like where the trajectory you and your husband are going, or where you're going, aside from the barn dominum, because I feel like that excites us, but I'm here for it. But like when you look ahead at what you think, and it's funny because I'm like, you'll be able to see this when you're my age and look back and think probably things like, oh, I was so I was so pretty. I was so pretty, and I had all these wild ideas, and and maybe they come through, or maybe you're you weren't dreaming enough, or who knows? Who knows what you think? But what excites you most about the trajectory that you two are going?

Kids Faith And Final Advice

SPEAKER_00 41:06

I'm excited to start a family.

SPEAKER_01 41:08

I've wanted kids since as early as I knew that I was the one that have kids. I am so kid-oriented, that's what I love working with because we coach 12-year-olds. I love medical field with pediatrics. Like my whole heart and soul is kids. So I'm excited to have a kid made of two of us, and that's just our little pride in joy. I'm excited for that. Um I'm excited just to grow up, to fight, to make up, to grow with each other and grow old with each other. Because like I said, I've known him for 14 years, and to think that we still have 60, 70, possibly more. I'm really excited. He's just my best friend at the end of the day. He's the one person where I can scream at him because I'm mad at him, or I can rant to him because his mom's pissing me off, or I can rant to him because my dad is pissing us, and just he's just my best friend. He's the only person I want to talk to all day long.

SPEAKER_02 42:10

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 42:10

So I'm just excited to spend my life with him. I love it. And to get a dog. That's our next goal. It's to get a dog.

SPEAKER_02 42:16

Okay. What's the dog gonna be?

SPEAKER_01 42:18

I don't know. We're thinking a Rottweiler, and we're gonna name him Ozzy. And then we're gonna teach him when we say Aussie, Aussie, Ozzy. He said he barks three times for oi oi oi.

SPEAKER_00 42:29

That's our goal. That's our next life goal.

SPEAKER_02 42:31

Okay, okay. And have you discussed children and how many you think you might want to have?

SPEAKER_01 42:36

Um, yes, we're ranging between two to three, but I think I might push him to four.

SPEAKER_02 42:42

Okay. We'll see.

SPEAKER_01 42:44

But definitely two. Okay. If everything's well and that's in God's plan and my womb is fertile and everything like that. Because we're very we put God first in our relationship. He's the one that brought us together. He's the one that told us timing is not right, timing is right. It's I owe everything to him.

SPEAKER_02 43:04

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 43:04

He also saved my husband from a car crash when he definitely should have died. So I owe everything to him.

SPEAKER_02 43:11

Uh, I know that uh Nick was divinely appointed for me. I told God that he needed to give me somebody who would sing, and Nick did not want to sink. So, like, you know, you heard him sing earlier this morning when I looked at him because he doesn't necessarily do that all the time. And um, so but he sings and he sings with me, and I love all of that. So okay, if you had a piece of advice that you could give to any one of our listeners or viewers, um, or a like tip or trick about whatever in your whole world, what would you leave them with?

SPEAKER_01 43:44

I would say follow your heart, be very open in communication, even when it's scary or you think the relationship is going to end in a ball of flames. It's not as scary as the actual conversation. It's always scarier in your mind than when you say it out loud. And to trust God with everything that you do. And He has a path.

SPEAKER_02 44:10

I love it. Yeah. Cool. Kayla, thank you so much. This has been so much fun. Even more fun, actually, than what I thought it would be. So uh until next time, enjoy an epic life.