There is a huge difference between guilt and shame. Although neither feels good.

Guilt is that sense that you've hurt someone. But you can change those guilty feelings with a change of behaviour. Shame is different in that no matter what you do, you still feel bad.

This episode shares some fascinating research about what doing kind acts for others does for your happiness and your sense of guilt.

Always Forward!

You will act on your beliefs. 

You will make all decisions, big and small, based on what you believe. But where and how do you form beliefs about yourself and the world? The truth, your beliefs about yourself begin forming in infancy. 

You may believe that rejection by others causes you your pain. It does not. I will explain in this episode.

There is a better way to re-shape your beliefs so that you can make better decisions. Want to know how? Listen now...

There are two questions about belief Jesus asks that I find fascinating:
 
 1. "Do you believe I can do this?"

He asks this to two blind men who were seeking healing. Your belief in you may (and probably will) falter. But healing, experiencing the miraculous, etc. isn't about what you believe you can do, but what God can accomplish.

The blind men answered, "Yes! We believe YOU can heal us." They were healed.

It may be time to stop believing that your life is about what you can accomplish, based on your belief about yourself, and start believing it can be more based on what God can do for you.

There are two questions about belief Jesus asks that I find fascinating:

1. "Do you believe I can do this?"
 
He asks this to two blind men who were seeking healing. Your belief in you may (and probably will) falter. But healing, experiencing the miraculous, etc. isn't about what you believe you can do, but what God can accomplish. 
 
The blind men answered, "Yes! We believe YOU can heal us." They were healed. 
 
It may be time to stop believing that your life is about what you can accomplish, based on your belief about yourself, and start believing it can be more based on what God can do for you.

You may believe that after you leave the dysfunction of your family of origin - including your siblings - you will have a more functional life. But not necessarily.
 
 In childhood, you may have learned that you cannot trust; that relationships are precarious and untrustworthy. Perhaps for a good reason, you have cut them off, or they have cut you off. Nevertheless, those “lessons” remain. You long for relationship, but it is hard to trust.

To begin again, you have to start with your faith. Understand yourself from God’s perspective. He says, “Mark my words, no one who sacrifices house, brothers, sisters, mother, father, children, land—whatever—because of me and the Message will lose out. They’ll get it all back, but multiplied many times in homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children… And then the bonus of eternal life!” (Mark 10). 

You may have to sacrifice your past (and its dysfunction) to embrace what God has for you. You have to take on a new way of thinking and believing. This may sound too difficult for you to accomplish on your own. However, that is okay. God wants to help you. Moreover, His help is worth far more than you could accomplish. Remember, although you could not trust your siblings, you will have to challenge yourself to trust God in times of difficulty…

”One day he and his disciples got in a boat. “Let’s cross the lake,” he said. And off they went. It was smooth sailing, and he fell asleep. A terrific storm came up suddenly on the lake. Water poured in, and they were about to capsize. They woke Jesus: “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!” Getting to his feet, he told the wind, “Silence!” and the waves, “Quiet down!” They did it. The lake became smooth as glass. Then he said to his disciples, “Why can’t you trust me?” (Luke 8).

In your desperation to make your new relationships work, you may be tempted to people-please, sacrificing your values, needs, and even yourself, for a relationship. However, your goal is to please God, not everyone else. Paul spoke this way: “Because of that Cross, I have been crucified in relation to the world, set free from the stifling atmosphere of pleasing others and fitting into the little patterns that they dictate” (Galatians 6).

Before you trust in yourself, before you trust in others, you must trust in God. Why? “I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.” (John 16).

You might love the holidays. But for many, they are extraordinarily painful and challenging. Whichever side you're on, this information can help.
 
 First, remember to breathe. It sounds too simple to be true, but it is. Deep slow breathing shuts down the fight or flight response. 
 
 Meals may be a source of stress for you. But keep in mind that Jesus was about feeding the masses. It wasn't about dishes but love, provision, and gratitude. It was about sharing. He wants you to share in His bounty and share His love. Make this the focus of your gathering. 
 
 You may be inclined to overeat and drink too much alcohol. It's at most gatherings.

Fight the urge to overindulge. Exercise. Eat balanced meals. Keep your body moving. Even the Apostle Paul says that going to the gym is good for you. But exercising your faith is even more critical. (See 1 Timothy 4:8-10)
 
 Plan ahead. Don't visualize the perfect gathering. Anticipate that things will go wrong. But plan how you want to respond. How do you want to feel? How do you want to act? Practice that! Remember what God says, "God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us" (Eph. 3).
  
 You can cry or get upset about the burned cookies or whatever goes wrong. Or you can choose to laugh. It is a decision. Laughter lowers stress levels. Psalm 100 says to laugh and sing yourself into God's presence. 
 
 Prioritize what matters most. It's not the turkey. (Unless you want it to be.) But your primary job at gatherings is to share God's life and love. How best to do that? Live a life of GRATITUDE. This is something you have to practice. It won't necessarily be instinctive.

Remember when Jesus healed ten lepers? Only ONE returned to Jesus to give thanks.  (Luke 17)
 
 Think of your escape plan if necessary. Take little breaks. God says He will help you to recover your life. Get away with Him!
 
 And finally, it can be a stressful time. This might make you (and others) quick to snap. God reminds you, "Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don’t condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.” (Luke 6:37-38)

Stressed? Not sure? Here are a few signs: 

• Feelings of fear, anger, sadness, worry, numbness, or frustration
• Changes in appetite, energy, desires, and interests
• Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
• Nightmares or problems sleeping
• Physical reactions, such as headaches, body pains, stomach problems, or skin rashes
• Worsening of chronic health problems and mental health conditions
• Increased use of alcohol, illegal drugs or abusing prescribed meds

Before you take care of your kids, you have to take care of yourself! Start with the basics: 8 hours sleep; eating well; exercise, to name a few.

Schedule time to relax and engage in activities you enjoy.

Connect with others. We are a social species. Let go of your on-line connections, and make time for face to face connections. When you do this you demonstrate to your kids how important it is for them to put down their devices.

If your kids are stressed, create more stability with routine. The Prophet Isaiah says that God keeps your days stable and secure ... Make meal times at the same time. The same with bed times.

Most importantly, CONNECT with your kids. When you make time to listen, to be present to them, you let them know that they matter and are not alone. Speak encouraging words to them, just as God asks you:

So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind  (1 Thes. 5).

Life can be tough. You may have been a victim. But you don’t have to remain defeated. You can become resilient and mentally tough. God is strong and he wants you to be strong. How?

With resilience, you harness the strength necessary to meet challenges. When you develop mental toughness you stop focusing on what got you down and shift to what you can do to get back up. Without resilience, you may try to “cope” with alcohol and drugs, or give in to anxiety or depression. 

Resilience doesn’t make the problems go away. It allows you to move through them. But you don’t do this alone. The first step to building strength is to reach out for support. First, from God, and then from others. God wants to help you. When the leper asked Jesus if He wanted to help, He could. I want to, Jesus said. And He wants to help you!

Build your community of support. Engage with others who will stick with you in tough times.

Creating meaning and purpose in your life helps you to become more resilient. Set goals—including giving to others. As you see your support helping others you will feel better about yourself. Also, when you learn—including how you overcame previous tough times—you grow. When you see the growth, your life takes on more meaning.

Prayer is your best weapon when you feel overwhelmed. Paul wrote, “We don’t want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia province. It was so bad we didn’t think we were going to make it. We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead! And he did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing (2 Corinthians 1:8-10).

You can’t change the past, or what happened to you. But you can remain hopeful. You can change your trajectory by becoming proactive. Pray. Make a plan. Then ACT. Again, Paul says, “Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life” (Philippians 4:6-7).

Take care of yourself. Focus on the basics like sleep, eating well, exercising, and praying. Don’t quit. Don’t give up. Take a step. You can grow in strength.

As the song says, "You've Lost that Loving Feeling." But maybe it doesn't stop there. You've lost your joy, enthusiasm, and zest for life. YOU CAN GET IT BACK!
 
 As the apostle, Paul says, "This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?” God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with him! (Romans 8:15-17).
 
 Maybe what you've known has been taken from you. Time to take it back. How? Begin by changing your focus. How much TV, news, and social media do you use? Let's face it; it probably is not the best use of your time. Again, as Paul says, "Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies" ( Phil. 4:8-9). 
 
 What's the best way to shift your focus? GET OUTSIDE. Nature is amazing. It is God's creation. When you experience awe, you will be reminded of the God of all creation and His love for YOU! Listen for His voice and call for you. What does He want of you? To love. Simply. In the small ways. Be goodness for others. Share a smile. Try to find a new and novel way to give. The brain loves new. What is one small recent activity you can do today? Whatever you're doing now, you don't have to give up. Just be willing to do some novel act. Remember, all of the apostles did one thing then Jesus called them into a new way of life. You were created to keep learning and growing.
 
 Show grace to yourself. It took a while for you to get into your funk. It may take time to get out of it. Focus on progress and process—one step at a time. Life can be so much more. Trust. Believe. Act.
 
 I will meet you back on the road. Until then...Always Forward!

Even when all feels lost, it is not. That is just your feeling. You can cultivate hope! “Once you choose hope, anything is possible,” said Christopher Reeve, best known for his role as “Superman”. You can choose and cultivate hope!
 
 You don't have to trust in the power of you. The apostle Paul said, "We don’t want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia province. It was so bad we didn’t think we were going to make it. We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead! (2 Cor. 8-11).

Find hope in the unexpected: the laughter of children; a smile shared; nature. Hope can be found in small little places. "God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us." (Eph. 3:20-21).

Cultivating optimism supports the growth of hope. Optimism will give you a higher quality of life and better physical and mental health according to scientific research. Practicing gratitude can also foster hope. Good things can happen, but you can choose not to be grateful. Jesus healed ten lepers. Only ONE returned to Jesus to give thanks.

You may feel life can't get better. But it can. Use your imagination. Think about what is possible with God on your side! Remember, the God who created the universee lives in you and makes His Home in you!

Bless others. Give without expecting anything in return. But God will pay you back for the love you show. "The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped" (Proverb s 11:25).

When you feel hopeless, take time for yourself. Love yourself as you desire to love others. Eat right. Sleep. Exercise. Get out of the dark and into The Light.

Hope will return - even if you don't know how it will. Paul says, "I was unsure of how to go about this, and felt totally inadequate—I was scared to death, if you want the truth of it—and so nothing I said could have impressed you or anyone else. But the Message came through anyway. God’s Spirit and God’s power did it, which made it clear that your life of faith is a response to God’s power, not to some fancy mental or emotional footwork by me or anyone else" (1 Cor. 2:3-5).

You may feel like your life is spiraling out of control. But that's a FEELING. You can get it back on track. 
 
 First, remember, to accept the fact that life can be messy. Accept that you will not do this perfectly. Even as your life moves in a better direction, it will not be without setbacks. But do not label yourself a "failure." Failure implies that this is an inherent trait. You are not a failure. As God says, you are His magnificent creation. You are made in His likeness. "Setback" is external. This is something you're experiencing. It is temporary. Become aware of your self-talk. 
 
 Self-compassion has been shown to support healthier living - both psychological and physical. Think of the words you'd use if a dear friend were struggling and spiraling. You would probably exercise compassion and use encouraging words. Remember what Jesus said when he was asked what commandment was most important. "Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’" Love others and YOURSELF with compassion. As Paul says, "Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift." (Eph. 4:2) This includes your self-talk.
 
 When spiraling, hit the pause button. Whether it's quiet contemplative prayer, or what some call mindfulness, When you pause, simply notice what you're feeling, your breathing, and bring yourself into the MOMENT. Once you do this you can then begin to calmly make small choices to stop the spiral and move your life in a more positive direction. 
 
 If you are spiraling, you are not only beating yourself up, you're probably consumed with worry about the future. What does God say about tomorrow? "“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met" (Mat. 6:30-33). 
 
 Finally, if you want to stop the spiral and make positive changes in your life now, think about your end! When you are being buried after your life is over, what do you want people to know about you? How do you want to be remembered? As someone who was kind, courageous, generous, thoughtful, etc? Research has shown that thinking about your end can help to shape how you live in the future. 
 
 You don't have to live in a downward spiral. Be inspired. God says, "...we know we are going to get what’s coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with him!" (Romans 8).

What keeps you from getting what you want? Achieving your goals? You may know what you want or "should" do, but you lack... What? What obstacles stand between where you are and where you want your life to be?

Research indicates that the kind of motivation you have will allow you to set aside temptation.  Simply, it comes down to whether you "have to" do something or "want to" do something.

God wants what you say and do to be authentic and consistent. And He expects a lot of you! He doesn't want you to achieve the minimum - no matter your current position. Listen to what the apostle Paul says, "Servants, respectfully obey your earthly masters but always with an eye to obeying the real master, Christ. Don’t just do what you have to do to get by, but work heartily, as Christ’s servants doing what God wants you to do. And work with a smile on your face, always keeping in mind that no matter who happens to be giving the orders, you’re really serving God. Good work will get you good pay from the Master, regardless of whether you are slave or free" (Ephesians 6:5-8).

You can't just get by with good intentions. What stands between what you "intend" to do and your goal is "motivation." And obstacles can lessen motivation unless... YOU DO WHAT YOU "WANT TO," not what you "have to" do.

"Want to" do motivation comes from within. It aligns with your values. Studies show that when you do what you "want," you are more likely to set aside temptation.

Another powerful way to handle obstacles is to reframe them as opportunities. You can see a hill as an impediment or a chance to grow in strength.

Every tribulation is an opportunity to glorify God. Jesus spoke to Peter, "After breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Master, you know I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.” He then asked a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” “Yes, Master, you know I love you.” Jesus said, “Shepherd my sheep.” Then he said it a third time: “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was upset that he asked for the third time, “Do you love me?” so he answered, “Master, you know everything there is to know. You’ve got to know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. I’m telling you the very truth now: When you were young you dressed yourself and went wherever you wished, but when you get old you’ll have to stretch out your hands while someone else dresses you and takes you where you don’t want to go.” He said this to hint at the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. And then he commanded, “Follow me” (John 21:15-19).

God might be asking you to do something challenging. Peter glorified God by going to the cross. If you need motivation, remember that what you do, you do for God.

Remember, "Servants, do what you’re told by your earthly masters. And don’t just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you’ll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn’t cover up bad work" (Colossians 3:22-25). 

Remembering that you're to do all for the glory of God, what do you want to do?

If you feel that there just aren't enough hours in the day, it may be a clue that you need to address your productivity. It's not about working harder but working smart.

First, think about boundaries. You have to guard your time when you're doing what is essential. Turn off the phone and set aside the distractions. It would help if you let people know when you're not available. You can't expect others to honor your boundaries if you don't keep your own.

It sounds simplistic, but lists work. It will also give you a sense of accomplishment as you knock off each item on the list. This will provide you with the motivation to continue. And as you make your list, ask if what you're trying to accomplish is in keeping with what you value. It's not about just doing things, but doing what matters.

When you think about being productive, you might be tempted to focus on what is easy. But you will not only increase your productivity when you push yourself to learn new things, but you will feel better about yourself. You will live a life of exhilaration if you continue to push yourself. Think growth!

Test yourself. You may think you're accomplishing a lot but have honest conversations. With yourself and trusted others. When speaking about faith, the apostle Paul says, "Test yourselves to make sure you are solid in the faith. Don’t drift along taking everything for granted. Give yourselves regular checkups" [2 Cor. 13:5].

You will have the energy to be productive if you do what matters. God says to love Him and love others - including your enemies. Be productive by working for your real boss: God! Keep in mind the context of your eternal life. This life you've been given is precious. You don't want to waste it.

 But it's not about work, work, work. This leads to stress, which makes you less productive, less creative, and less joyful. Reset. Let your brain, body, and soul recuperate. "Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality" [Romans 12:11-13].

Life isn't just about doing. Find that balance between productivity and enjoying the gift of life. “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met" [Matt 6:30-33].

You want to feel heard and understood. An intimate relationship, however, isn't just about having an intellectual understanding of another. It's about getting into their emotional world; what they feel and how they experience life. But then you must take that next step...

God says, “Listen carefully to what I am saying—and be wary of the shrewd advice that tells you how to get ahead in the world on your own. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity. Stinginess impoverishes” {Mark 4:24-25, The Message]. In other words, you grow intimacy and live out your faith life with actions.

Why do you want an intimate relationship? There are many benefits, such as greater health, well-being, and improved survival by 50 percent (Holt-Lunstad, 2010). Thriving is more likely to occur when people are intimately connected to important others, as they help others feel “understood, accepted, and cared for” (Pietromonoco, 2017, Laurenceau, 1998, Reis, 1988).

It's not enough to simply tell someone you care. You must show them with your actions. Small things; simple actions that are repeated over time. You must integrate what you learn about someone (achieved with active listening) into your life.

Be curious. Ask questions. When the other person tells you what they want, be curious about it. Ask questions. If you know that giving them what they want is something you can do, make a plan, and strategize how to accomplish that action. This is done over a lifetime. You won't do it perfectly. But keep practicing.

As Paul says, "... let’s agree to use all our energy in getting along with each other. Help others with encouraging words; don’t drag them down by finding fault. You’re certainly not going to permit an argument over what is served or not served at supper to wreck God’s work among you, are you? I said it before and I’ll say it again: All food is good, but it can turn bad if you use it badly, if you use it to trip others up and send them sprawling. When you sit down to a meal, your primary concern should not be to feed your own face but to share the life of Jesus. So be sensitive and courteous to the others who are eating. Don’t eat or say or do things that might interfere with the free exchange of love" [Romans 14:19-21].  

All your words and actions should be colored by love and gentleness. If you want an intimate relationship, prioritize giving. Give what you want. Love as you want to be loved.

It's exciting to make new friends while strengthening the bond with the old ones. It's not a mystery how to become a more likable you! There are simple steps you can follow starting right now!

Research in social psychology indicates that becoming more likable has to do with showing up. You have to get out and be seen. The more we are exposed to something, the more we tend to like it.  Get out of your room; attend a meeting; go to Church; get involved with others.  God calls you to honor the Sabbath. He  wants you to show up every week - at least!

Just remembering someones name makes them feel known. When you call someone by name you let them know that they matter. Make the effort to remember someones name whom you've just met.

Whether you've been married for decades or you're just making an acquaintance, be curious. Ask questions. Letting others tell their story, and you probing with questions, again communicates that you care. When you care, you will more likely be cared for.

People who smile are perceived not only as being more joyful, but more attractive. When you smile you become more approachable and likable. Your smile opens you up to others; it invites them in. Remember what Jesus says, "I’ve told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature" [John 15:11, The Message]. God has blessed you. You are loved. Share that love. Show that love. How? SMILE!

Seek out similarities. There will always be differences, and you can respect what makes you unique, but people love to share values, activities, and dreams. Find common ground. 

In a world of negativity, it's easy to get bogged down - but you don't have to share it. See what is good in the world and others. Comment on it, both personally and on social media. Be the light God calls you to be!

Research says we are more lonely than before. The answer? Friendship!

You might be afraid of pursuing friendship because you don't think you'll be liked. If you ASSUME people will like you, it is more likely you will be liked!

Unlike when you were a kid, when friendships were created easily, you must be proactive do make friends as an adult. It won't just happen magically.

Maybe you're recently divorced; or your friends have moved away,; or your spouse can't fulfill all your friendship needs; these things. can make you feel lonely. But you CAN do something about it. First: don't assume you'll be rejected. This can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you assume you'll be rejected, you will shut down and make yourself less available to others. If you believe you'll be accepted, you will share more and be more positive. This makes you more attractive.

As kids you were pushed into activities like recess. This playtime fostered friendships. Pursue hobbies with others. Join a club. Get out of your comfort zone. Do more than just being present. Be vulnerable. Share yourself. Be curious about others.

When you are with others, tell them how much you enjoy and appreciate them. We like to be with others who like us.

Friendship matters! That's why Jesus says: “I’ve told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I’m no longer calling you servants because servants don’t understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I’ve named you friends because I’ve let you in on everything I’ve heard from the Father" [John 15:11=15]

Divorce rates are increasing around the world, and relationship experts warn the pandemic-induced break-up curve may not have peaked yet. But there is HOPE!

You may feel rejected, angry, hurt, or that life is out of control. When the Apostle Paul thought all was lost, here's how he responded: "We don’t want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us .... It was so bad we didn’t think we were going to make it. We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead!

To heal, you must not rely on the power of you, but the power of God! Peter says "Your life is a journey you must travel with a deep consciousness of God" [1 Peter 1].

Don't deny your difficulty feelings. See them. Accept them. But you don't have to react to them. Jesus reminds you to not run from the suffering. He says to pick up your cross and follow.

Think about resources to help you regulate your overwhelming emotions. Hate. Revenge. Despair. These won't help you. Find healthy responses to stress and dark emotion, like prayer, exercise, relationships. You must be proactive in self-care.

Your children have their own journey. Make time for them. Listen to understand what they are feeling. Don't bad mouth your spouse to them. Remember, your ex is still their parent. Although you couldn't make your marriage work, you must work together to coparent - to the best of your ability.

Avoid the rebound relationships. You might be feeling fragile, unloveable, and looking for someone else to fill that void. God says you are lovable. Learn to love yourself. Let God's love fill you up.

There is hope and recovery. Be compassionate with your self. You won't be at your best. And be compassionate with others. If you are getting too down, check your focus. You may be focusing exclusively at what is wrong. See the good. Paul reminds you, "Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse" [Phil 4].

You can heal. Don't give up. One step at a time.

Many are struggling with mental health. But if you're in a relationship, or the parent of a child with mental illness, you should be considering your mental health as well. The Helper Needs Help - and that includes you!

Your job is to love. You can't be your spouse's or family member's therapist. You can't solve their problems.  Peter, in 1 Peter 4 says, "Most of all, love each other as if your life depended on it. Love makes up for practically anything." And to be that helper to others you must remember to love yourself, take care of yourself, create and maintain good boundaries. And if they become abusive, it might also mean that you get out!

The person who is diagnosed may actually feel some relief to be able to put a name to what they're going through. Or they may feel embarrassed. Communication is critical - which above all means listen to understand. It could be the greatest gift you give to one who is struggling.

You may need to become increasingly flexible as you navigate their mental illness. You may have to assume more financial responsibilities, do more of the parenting, or running the household. If this is you, it is even more important to remember that you need to care for yourself as you do more. Do what you can: sleep, eating well, socializing, engaging in activities you enjoy. Find small carveouts to nurture your soul. You can't rescue the drowning man if you too are drowning.

Refrain from diagnosing your loved one. Let the professionals do what they do what you focus on being a great spouse, parent or friend.If you are a support person for one with mental illness, consider sources of support that you need.

Burnout is common for caregivers. And you can't give what you don't have. God says, "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” {Matt. 11-28-30, The Message].

Recent data indicate lower levels of well-being among young people, but there are solutions.

God reminds you: "Peace. I don’t leave you the way you’re used to being left—feeling abandoned, bereft. So don’t be upset. Don’t be distraught" [John 14].

Life has gotten more expensive; social media leads to competition and fighting, and it's hard to compare your life with unreliable posts; it seems the youth lacks purpose and meaning, etc. But all of this can be addressed! God reminds you, "we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good" [Romans 8].

And whereas older people seem to have faired better post-pandemic, younger people were denied the precious time to develop strong relationships that older people have already established. Political polarization may also be contributing to young people's well-being. Many issues are now seen as black and white, with little room for nuance.  But Paul reminds you, "Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don’t see things the way you do. And don’t jump all over them every time they do or say something you don’t agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently" [Romans 14]. This is how we cultivate good relationships.

Working together, we can help everyone thrive. We are all members of God's family, brothers and sisters.  Remember,  "Long before he laid down earth’s foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ" [Ephesians 1].

Intimacy matters! And you can improve your most important relationships in many ways. 

Intimate relationships offer great benefits, including greater health and wellbeing, and improve our odds of survival by 50 percent (Holt-Lunstad, 2010). “People are most likely to thrive when they feel intimately connected to significant others” (Pietromonoco, 2017).

One important way to create greater intimacy is to communicate your needs. And you can begin this transformation by faith in God.

"But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely...." (Galatians 5:22-24).

By first understanding what you want is the first step. Then you need to learn how to communicate these wants - which can be extraordinarily difficult to do. You may have learned as a child that you're not entitled to your wants. This is not true. You are entitled to the wants, but NOT necessarily getting what you want. Having your wants respected, however, matters!

Mindfulness, quieting yourself, being in the here-and-now, is the important step to understand what you really want, by turning down the emotion. When you first quiet yourself you can then open yourself to hearing God - who may be whispering to you. God wants to tell you who you really are, what you really need, but you first must quiet the confusion of emotion.

"Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out?  (Romans 12:1-2).

You see, God wants to know all of you. This is intimacy. And when you can place your wants and needs before others you create intimacy with them, too.

Once you really understand what you want, then you can practice communicating these wants. It takes practice. You have to be vulnerable. But the relationship that contains vulnerability is the intimate relationship.

The first step for moving from depression to happiness is to DECIDE. You may have been down for so long you don't realize that more is possible. It's not true. But you must be willing to think and act differently.

The first thing I suggest you do is to limit your time on social media. Consciously or unconsciously, you're constantly making life comparisons. Most people put on their best face for the camera. "Look how wonderful my life is!" But it rarely represents the whole truth. We all struggle. Whatever the appearances, you've been given your life to live.

Paul says, "Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life" [Galatians 6:4-5, The Message].

If you're lacking joy, turn off the noise. Mindfulness is the practice of slowing down, focusing on your breathing, and entering into the moment. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. But right now. Jesus says you can do this with Him! "“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly” [Matt. 11:28-30, The Message].

If you're your own worst enemy, criticizing your every move, go in a different direction. Focus on others. Love others. Serve others. We are meant to live in connection. Paradoxically, doing more for others can help you to feel better about yourself. "In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we’re talking about is Christ’s body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn’t amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ’s body, let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t" [Romans 12:4-8, The Message].

Become aware of your focus and your complaints. If you constantly focus on the negative it means you're not focusing on solutions and what can be. You will remain stuck. Paul says it this way: "I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies" [Phil. 4:8-9].

Your depression may feel familiar, even comfortable. But to experience more you have to get out of