In this episode we uncover the beauty of growth, accountability, and the strength and confidence we can find in friendships. Listen in as Saul and I explore how a lack of confidence has taught us to maintain healthy relationships, forgive and understand others, and stay accountable for our actions. Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay.
Follow me on Instagram! @Donavon.Baeza
In this episode we uncover the beauty of growth, accountability, and the strength and confidence we can find in friendships. Listen in as Saul and I explore how a lack of confidence has taught us to maintain healthy relationships, forgive and understand others, and stay accountable for our actions. Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay.
Follow me on Instagram! @Donavon.Baeza
I don't like being alone a lot of the time, and it's not the fact that I'm alone, it's what happens when I'm alone, right, it's like my mind just starts going crazy wild. You know what I mean all these thoughts just running a million miles an hour and I can't keep up.
Speaker 2:What's up everybody, welcome back to donations. I'm your host, donovan, and I just want to remind you really quick it's not always about jumping at every opportunity or striking every time the iron is hot. It's about recognizing that the iron is hot because of who you are and what you bring to the table. Deal deal pickle.
Speaker 2:Today I'm joined by my really really good friend, soul Natyvidad. We have been friends for many years now and it's been a blessing getting to watch each other grow up. Soul is an engineer, a man of God and just one of the most sincere, most considerate, most genuine guys I know. Today we get into a conversation about confidence and how having it or a lack of it has affected our lives the most. Soul and I have talks like this all the time, and this one helped me take a better, more clear look at where I am in my life and reminded me not to be so hard on myself as always.
Speaker 2:I hope this can resonate or offer up something to keep in your back pocket as you navigate the rest of your day, and we hope you enjoy. We've been friends for a long time. I think we don't really realize sometimes how long we've been friends, and good friendship challenges you and then forces you to like take a good look at yourself and take accountability for yourself sometimes, which can be uncomfortable, and I feel like we're both at a place in our lives where we're taking more accountability for our actions. But in my own way, I just want to apologize, like sincerely, for the times that I put things on you that weren't yours to carry, and I'm at a point in my life where I'm looking back at that and I'm like who was that guy what?
Speaker 2:was he even thinking no, and and it's like that's not how you do things. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1:In response to all that, I think it's. I want to say thank you for those moments honestly because, yes, obviously we've had our rocky moments, as any friendship does whenever you have a five-plus year friendship, you know. But we've gone through those moments and it's made me also just be more aware and self-aware, you know, like, and kind of step back and, like analyze the whole situation, because I can be I'm pretty sure that you're not seeing it this way. I think we're very similar in, like you said, we're placing up where a place in our lives where we're taking accountability for our actions, where you see yourself and you, kind of like, only see that part right.
Speaker 1:But I'm pretty sure there's been moments when I did the same thing. That's, I think, something that we both learned, like it's not just you, you know. And so I want to say, in response to that, thank you for those moments. You know, we, I feel like we both grown, we have, yeah, and I think that 23 year old us, 24 year old us, compared to now, right, like, looking back, I'm like I think the same thing. I'm like so what the heck dude like?
Speaker 2:yeah, it's crazy to think that I'm the only person that, like I see, right, I only see life through my lenses, right, and so I don't. It's hard for me sometimes to remember that other people are experiencing their life too. That, I think, is kind of what's caught, gotten me caught up in, like it being just about me and my narrative and not about the friendships narrative or the relationships narrative you know and with anybody, and yeah, that's been pretty heavy to come to terms with yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, what would it? Where would it be right now if those moments have not happened? You know what I mean. Like what would it be if it was just this perfect friendship where you know, like I feel like I have seen friendships like that from the outside, looking in and not to judge them or anything but I feel like it makes me more grateful for the people that I can be vulnerable and open with and have tough conversations like we've had tough conversations we had to confront. That felt very like it was difficult to approach, right. It's kind of awkward at the beginning. It's like how are they gonna respond? How are they gonna react? How am I gonna respond? How am I gonna react? But sitting down and coming from a place of trying to understand and trying our very best to be more level-headed, while still using our emotions, like I said, as a tool, not as a like a master, to let us control our words and just let that take the lead.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean another thing is I I've been told before that I apologize a lot, and for a second there, when I started to realize how many times people were telling me that I was like well then, I don't need to apologize anymore.
Speaker 2:And then I would second guess, like what I needed to apologize for, what I didn't need to apologize for, or what I wanted to apologize for and what I shouldn't apologize for, and it's it's kind of working through those woods in a bit, and so it's like apologies are easier for me now because it's like I I know what I need to apologize for and what I don't need to apologize for. And so I think finding a bit more confidence in myself kind of like sitting with myself, picking apart the pieces that I like and don't like and want to do something about has allowed me to build up more confidence and approach friendships and relationships from a place that's like not afraid to be vulnerable and then not afraid to kind of put my foot down. And I'm just curious what parts of your life or what times in your life do you feel a lack of confidence has affected you the most?
Speaker 1:yeah, let me respond. I have. I have such actually response where you just said a while ago in this and saying you know, like knowing when to not apologize and all that there's this concept lately, that I hear things all over the place podcasts, sermons, things like that, and like I forget who says them, but they just stick.
Speaker 1:And so the fact that our perception and the way that we think we would respond to situations and automatically assume that's how everybody else is gonna also respond subconsciously. Therefore, we apologize and say I'm sorry that this may have made you feel this way, because maybe in my own mind I'm an overthinker. I probably would assume the same thing. Yeah, so I need to jump on apology of something that they're probably not even thinking about?
Speaker 1:yeah or even there. Yet exactly you know and so it makes me wonder, like going to the root of that, where does that come from and why do we feel the need to do that?
Speaker 2:you know, I didn't mean that's so hard, though, because, like the whole idea of us trying not to assume things, because, like I think it all comes back to what we've experienced in the past, like there could be a certain trigger that was like that we started to become acquainted with, then everything played out. So it's like now I know to assume this when that trigger happens, and so someone else hits that same trigger and then it's like okay, well, I know what comes next, and it happens over and over and over, I think, until you meet those people that can communicate. Right, it's like I can't help that that trigger happens and I assume this. But anyone being open to communicating hey, well, I see what you're expecting here, but that's not the case would help to kind of ease that. But I think that's where it comes from, and that's crazy, I mean.
Speaker 1:I guess I've never thought about it that way. But yeah, it is previous experiences and I guess it comes back down to the fact that it's very important to you surround yourself with right. If you surround yourself with people who are level-headed, you know, like recently I've been just surrounded by really good people that I would apologize for, like hey, I'm sorry if this, this and that, if I made you, or the situation made you feel this way or you may have picked up on it. That's not what it. I know at how it may have come off from the outside, looking in. So if your mind went there, I want to clarify and say that's not what it was. I meant no offense by whatever right you're trying to jump ahead and avoid any future conflict or because of any doubts that may build up once again, yeah, like going off of what may happen in the future. That has not even been there yet. And so lately, like I said, I've been surrounded by people who are like no dude, like I wasn't even thinking that at all.
Speaker 2:You know, and so like oh, that's different, that's weird, you know like yeah whereas in the past we've been maybe constantly surrounded by people who jump to those negative thoughts, jump to those assumptions jump to the and with those negative people, you making that assumption, they accept it and it's like well, that's what it is then, and they go along with it exactly, yeah, you know, the funny thing is like I'm not trying to say that I'm better than anybody or anything either.
Speaker 1:I think that we all need those reminders sometimes, because the mind is a powerful thing and with these questions that you posed a while ago, you know, confidence and lack of confidence and all that I really had a dive deep and I'm like whoa, like this is intense and like my mind is what we do here, yeah the mind is a very powerful thing and and so, in response to your question, you know I was asking myself and I had a sit in stillness and silence for a bit and.
Speaker 1:I realized in that moment that I have not done that in a long time. I've been constantly on the go and it was even an eye-opener to see that my mind is literally always going a million miles an hour like, and it just. We just accept that sometimes because I think that's the way that it is, but we have the power to say hey, no, like, chill out, because it's either, it's comfortable right, it's just what we're used to yeah, so we think that's just something that we cannot change.
Speaker 1:But it's like no, no, no, you were ultimately in control of, like where your mind goes. Slow yourself down, live in the present moment. Don't think about what's gonna happen in the next hour or what happened an hour before, like what's happening right now. And so when I did dive deep into myself and my mind and all that about my fears, right and lack of confidence, is those two things kind of coincided, because my biggest fear I've come to find out that is fear of failure, right, like just in anything, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:I don't know what previous experiences have caused me to feel that way, but it's been more like I don't know why. It's this irrational fear that I'm not gonna succeed, and it kind of once again goes hand in hand with like Well, why am I doubting myself? Like I've been able to do things in the past, like, like it, would you both become in this situation, in this situation? And I think it takes those good friends to say and remind us like hey, remember back then when you thought like it was the end of the world in this situation? And then you got yourself up and you figured it out and you picked your dust yourself off, you figured it out. Did you have all the steps you needed and all the tools to know what to do next in that moment? No, but you figured it out. Yeah, and even in saying that, there's this, this little paper holder I have in my office right, and it says trust yourselves. You think you know more than you think you do right.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:And so those little moments like that that are just constant little reminders of like the positivity that people have kind of thrown at you and you're like that stick with you and that's kind of been just like and pretty to my mind, lately trust yourself, you know a little bit more than you think you do. You know. So I think that's what it is. I don't know where this like a confidence comes from. Once again, I don't know what previous experiences. Maybe in this conversation, when we dive deep, I'll figure it out like we usually do in our conversations, yeah, but uh that's always the first step right, like knowing that those thing exists and that you know they're very present in your life.
Speaker 2:And yeah, we don't always have the answer. We don't always. It doesn't always present itself so easily. I've talked quite a bit, I think, in like every podcast episode, how I was bullied growing up but like that created a lack of confidence in me and it was like so every Every room I walked into it was like I Wasn't enough if, if I walked into a relationship, I wasn't enough and had to prove myself. If I was Walking into a meeting at work, that confidence wasn't there, so I wasn't the one to give that input for work because I felt I wasn't enough.
Speaker 2:This wasn't my place in a weird sense, like I've got the job I've, you know I'm in the position right, but I still feel like this isn't my place to speak up, even sometimes with family. It's like I take the role of the. I'm the youngest, so I take that role right. I I think growing up as the youngest, you're kind of told like Don't get into adult conversations, you don't know what we're talking about, like this isn't your business, you know, you don't need to know this kind of thing. And so growing up, it's like if something's going on, it's like, yeah, I don't have a place to input here, I don't have a place for an opinion here, kind of thing. And so I think that lack of confidence that I have a voice and that I have I bring something to the table, right, that's affected everything.
Speaker 1:That's crazy, I mean, I've never thought about that way, but I guess now that you're saying that, I definitely resonates with me as well, because I guess I would say like lack of like Self-awareness and seeing how valuable you are, so what you can bring to the table, right, and it is those situations Maybe not being recognized, not even simply just not even being recognized when you walk into a room, starting from your younger years, right, like hey, once again, like go run around, like you don't have any input. That's valuable, that's gonna add value to this conversation. So don't even ask, don't want to bother, don't whatever, right?
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm and looking back at it now, like I I guess I didn't realize to you just mentioned that that's. That's probably what it has to do with. His lack of confidence in yourself, has to do with Not knowing how valuable you truly are, yeah, and your strengths and what you have to bring to the table. Well, you said it perfectly, it's. It's crazy because, with that fear of failure, right Like it comes from that lack of confidence and the way that this fear of failure has affected me in my life, now I'm starting to see is it like has stumped me, like I'm afraid of not succeeding, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Therefore, I don't take any steps towards this and I'm just stuck there, you know, and it's like it makes you wonder how many opportunities have you missed out? On how many different situations Could you have come out and succeeded? Because you're gonna kick ass like you are you, let's just like you have before. But, once again, I think we need that good knit group of people that are gonna tell you and bring out like, hey, do you know how powerful you are? Dude, like, do you know that? I think just maybe we need those reminders and it's I feel like we have that in our friends. I've seen the way that your friends interact with you, yeah, and I love that right, and I feel like I have those friends as well, and when they do it it's kind of like A little comfortable, right, yeah, I don't know how to take it right like you're all yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:Complements I'm not good with compliments. Yeah, I had in the comments. So, like, what am I supposed to do? Give one back, then it's not as genuine. It's like we're just passing compliments back in point. I don't know.
Speaker 1:Oh, we always just dismiss it like nah, you know they mean yeah no, that's not Appreciate it, but no yeah, so, but yeah, I mean, like what is so bad?
Speaker 1:This fear failure, this rich at the irrational fear failure is like what's gonna happen if you fail? Right, and that's what I had to ask myself is like why are you afraid of failing? Because if you fail was gonna happen, then you just get up and do it again. I mean, I guess what's the cost? Right, yeah, what's the risk? And that there's different situations, it's circumstantial. But at the same time, it also made me wonder, and I don't know what you think about that, but it's like when we fear failure, what it exactly is it that we're fearing? Yeah, you know, like Maybe that we're not good enough. Again Another reminder that we're not good enough.
Speaker 2:Like you know, it's just gonna solidify everything.
Speaker 1:I already know exactly. Yeah, you know like it's gonna make me feel like crap, the way that I've already felt before, you know. So it's like I'd rather just skip that part, yeah, but then we miss out on so many beautiful things, though, you know.
Speaker 2:I mean I guess think about it right, like if you were to go for something and you achieve it, it's like cool, then I know I, I can do it right. But then it's like If you fail, it's like Then you know. I just feel like there's a heavier lesson to learn there, because then you know more, not only what you Aren't capable of, but what you both what you are and aren't capable of versus just achieving something. Be like cool, I can do it, and it's also maybe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's also maybe like Well, these are the ways not to get there. I've learned what not to do. Yeah, doesn't work. This doesn't work for me and may work for someone else, but that doesn't kind of coincide with who I am and with my strengths and weaknesses. Yeah, so I got to try differently. So maybe, in the process of failing constantly, you're finding yourself a little bit more. Yeah, and you're Maybe and that's probably the thing is we got to switch our minds to see, like, embracing failure once again. Failure is a good thing, mm-hmm, because you're crossing off the list of things that are not gonna work for you, yeah, and in doing so, you're kind of navigating through finding yourself a little bit more and Knowing yourself a little bit more, like yeah.
Speaker 2:I've learned more about myself and who I am through failure than I ever have through achievement. Yes, exactly.
Speaker 1:It's crazy. I mean, I've never thought about it that way.
Speaker 2:So I think one of the Biggest things that's helped me navigate Not knowing what I was doing with my life was looking at things that weren't working versus what was working. It's like that's kind of I mean, it always didn't, like I said, it didn't always give me the answers Outright, but it was like okay, well, I know this isn't working, so I can redirect.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, even as we talk about this, I mean how many other people stories who are successful how we not heard about or seen where it's like? Well, I didn't get it on my first try it took this and this and this and only that. But what I learned in failing was far more Valuable than the actual achievement in itself. Yeah, like you said earlier, right.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. It's crazy, I think. The question is, though, how do we, just because you and I have a lot of conversations like this, mm-hmm, like just epiphanies, and I'm like whoa, that's why that's this way in?
Speaker 1:my mind, you know, and it kind of just happens, I feel like I find answers in the midst of our conversations to doubts and questions that I didn't even know I had before, right, and so one of the things that I've been kind of staying with lately is how do I just, how do I avoid just leaving this as a conversation and actually take an action from here?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:How do I actually put this into play? And put it into work and allow this to really reshape my life and like let's navigate and do things differently, right. Cause it's cool to have this epiphany, but now how do we actually make it work?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you have to have. We talked about this recently like having an epiphany, but you have to have like a process after that, like how am I gonna implement this into my life?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. And so that's just what I wonder. I'm like, okay, well, I can sit there with this time and be like that was cool, and before I know it, my mind already took off. So there I am, it's dragging me along and I'm like, yeah, onto the next thing, right?
Speaker 2:And I just stood and do anything about it, right?
Speaker 1:And so, yeah, I mean it takes. I guess what's the first step is acknowledgement. Yeah, Awareness, awareness to see what we gotta do differently and just one choice at a time.
Speaker 1:Maybe that's what it is. It may be a very simple choice that you're used to taking without having second thought about it and stopping real quick, putting the brakes on and saying you know what, hold on. I'm always used to doing this Just for the sake of different. Let's do it this way now, just for the sake of being different. Let's see where this goes and if it leads to failure, hey, once again, that's a positive thing. And isn't that like scientific as well? Like neuropaths in your brain? You're already there, right?
Speaker 1:So, like you have to like I think I heard it somewhere where it's compared to like you're walking in a forest and like there's already this path that's been cleared because you're used to walking down that path all the time. But now if you wanna take a different path that's gonna lead somewhere else. You have to fight through the shrubs and create this path very deliberately, intentionally. So it's not gonna be easy at first and it's gonna take you a few consistent times to go down that path until it finally becomes another you know trail.
Speaker 2:It's scary, right? You know, we all know life a certain way, and I don't care who you are, whether you like change or not, it's still scary. And you know, we lean into comfort quite a bit I think, more than we realize and in that we just go those same pathways Comfort yeah.
Speaker 1:That's another thing you talked about. Right, what comfort have you been leaning on right? And one thing that a lot of my friends have already pointed out to me you know those that are like, hey, you always do this. Why, you know was one of my comforts is I wouldn't say it's a comfort, but I would say I don't like being alone a lot of the time, and it's not the fact that I'm alone, it's what happens when I'm alone, right, it's like my mind just starts going crazy wild. You know what I mean? All these thoughts just running a million miles an hour and I can't keep up. And it's just like, well, this and then remember last week how this happened and you screwed up here, and then like this is supposed to happen in two months and you're nowhere near this and like all over the place, right, yeah, so I was.
Speaker 1:You know I hesitate saying that I'm Christian sometimes because I feel like I'm a very bad one, but I feel like I believe in God, I believe in Jesus Christ and all that. And today I was sitting and I was like God, man, like this is crazy, sitting with all these thoughts of recognizing comforts and fear of failures, and like how it's really impacted my life significantly and so even stopping to recognize how much it's impacted my life and my daily, you know it's crazy. And so I was like where does this come from? What has to change for this to be different and not for it to just be once again an epiphany? And the battle is really just in the mind, like we started talking about from the very beginning. So starting there is like okay, sit with yourself, slow your roll, slow down and talk to yourself a little bit, parent yourself a little bit you know what I?
Speaker 1:mean Compliment yourself a little bit, I think. One thing that I realized I learned I forgot where I heard it once again, but it was like you think you're a good friend to your friends, right Like you compliment them, you lift them up whenever they need it. You don't just hype them up just for the sake of it.
Speaker 1:You tell them genuine compliments you know, that you notice because you know them, and so I remember hearing one time someone said like the way that you talk to yourself, you would never talk to your friends if they were to be going through what you're going through. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:So if you fail at something, if you didn't do something right, whatever right, like the way that you talk to yourself in your own mind, you would never speak to your friends that way if that was them, and so why do we do that to ourselves? We need to start reshaping that, even in itself and saying like, hey, you know what? It doesn't define who you are. It was a mistake you made. It was a failure. Embrace it, get up and keep going. It's all right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I realized luckily realized a couple of years back how beneficial it is to talk to yourself as like your best friend. Like you're saying, the way your best friend would whenever you're going through things like pointing out failures or a lack in your actions or in your life is gonna keep you stuck in this problem that you're trying to sort through or whatever problems in your life that you're trying to sort through. So I think it really takes like being your own best friend. I always talk about talking to your inner child, like your five year old self or the youngest version of yourself that you can remember going into their bedroom sitting with that kid and talking to him, saying like this isn't a failure, this is. Let's be real about what this is and let's get through it the best way we can Like. Let's help each other get through this. What do you need, what do I need, and how can we give that to each other and then continue on.
Speaker 2:You know, I feel like recently I had this vision of what life was this life that I was living, and I was ripped out of it, like literally just one day to the next, picked up, placed in another, and there was a bit of shock and then there was a bit of despair and the moment I realized that happening, I said, okay, I've got to assess here how I got here, what I need to heal within myself so I can keep moving forward. Right, and I took the time to do that work and now I feel like I'm completely immersed in what life is now again. And there have been quite a bit of distractions lately positive distractions, just life throwing things at me Like, okay, now this is for you and this is for you and this is for you. And so it's kind of been a bit of a distraction. And I have talked to God recently and I've kind of felt a bit emotional talking to him because I thought I know that you know that I want things out of life, but I wanna make sure that I do the work in order to take care of them when I get them or when I get to that place in life. I wanna be able to take care of that life.
Speaker 2:So I wanna make sure I'm doing the work, but I feel like these distractions and these things that are being offered to me are keeping me from doing that work, keeping me from sitting in silence with myself, and so it's kind of like a fight right. It's kind of like being thrust into this life here go, you need to do this, go. But also like wait, wait, wait. I wanna make sure I'm taking stock here. I think the things in life that we are granted are meant to teach us things and meant to grow us in a sense and become more of who we're meant to be. So it's kind of an internal fight that is kind of going on right now.
Speaker 1:But yeah, you know, as you're thinking, as you're speaking about that, it made me think also, you know you're the youngest in your family. Right, I'm the oldest, but for whatever reason, I feel like our generation is used to just like keep the ball rolling, like whatever happens in life, like we don't have time to feel things, we don't have time to experience the emotions behind what happened. For whatever reason, you just had to get up and just keep going and then after that, the rush of emotions will come, but you're like wait, where is this coming from? It's kind of late for that.
Speaker 1:Now, you know the late emotions, right, that's something that I I have had the late emotions like a year, you know, like a year and a half after something happens and it may be once again. It's just something we're used to doing. It's it can be a positive, but it can also be a negative thing. You know. It's like where do you find the balance in allowing yourself to go through these emotions, as this is happening right?
Speaker 1:And so when I have tried in the past to sit with myself and be still very uncomfortable for me by the way is, I get very anxious and antsy and I immediately jump to my phone and I want to like go check on somebody else, like, hey, how are you doing? Hey, how is your day going?
Speaker 1:Hey is there anything I can do to help you?
Speaker 1:Like and I'm not saying that to two-mile horn or whatever but I feel like that's just been a pattern in my life that it's like if I'm not taking care of somebody and making sure this other situation is right, I'm kind of using someone else's situation to distract myself maybe from my own right, but genuinely trying to help out, genuinely trying to reach out and say like hey, how can I be a good friend to you? The thing is now I'm starting to realize, unfortunately, in some of my friendships recently, I am not a good friend because I have not taken care of myself well enough to offer what I can offer whenever I'm well. You know what I mean. I mean when I'm like well put together, when I've worked on myself, when I've embraced the negative things about myself and acknowledged them and started to work on them right. Instead, I'm just still trying to push and there's this tension because I'm trying to help these people out in their situations that I know they need a good friend in, but I'm not that good friend any longer because I haven't allowed myself to go back and recharge.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying and that's always been a problem of mine too, you know, and I think that kind of goes back to fear of failure and friendships. I'm failing people, I'm letting them down. You know what I mean, gotcha, and that's something else that I feel like I've. It's still fear of failure in that sense.
Speaker 2:So would you say then, when you feel that fear creeping in, what do you do to that? Just pull away or do you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, usually my response is to pull away. I'm like I go down this like pity party of like see, you're not worth anything, you failed here. Again you let these people down, Like you could have done something differently to help them out. And instead, you know, you prove what you always thought to be right in the past, which is like you're not good enough, You're not valuable, you didn't add value to the situation, you made it worse. And then I yeah, I pulled back. I pulled away and I just kind of isolate for a while and I have my own little pity party. And then the pattern continues. I go try again. Instead of fixing, instead of saying okay, why did you fail here? What happened? How do we fix the situation and avoid it from happening again? It's like a repeated pattern of the same failures, Kind of thing you know.
Speaker 2:I feel like, anyways, I get you, I hear you, I guess I what makes you feel that you failed?
Speaker 1:I mean, do you think there are certain expectations you have to meet, or I guess, naturally, you want to fix the situation, and maybe that's unrealistic too, maybe that's too much pressure that I put on myself. It's like, how can I make the situation better? How can I Help this person not feel the way they're feeling anymore? And I guess even in saying that just now, I'm realizing like sometimes that's what's the need necessary in the moment.
Speaker 1:They need to feel these things. So I Think that I've. One thing I've noticed about myself that it's not easy to admit is I'm not a very good listener. I'm not. I feel like when someone comes to me with a problem and I've been intentional trying to be better about it you know I don't know if you've heard this lately when people say like it's very good for you to stop and say, hey, what kind of friend do you need right now? Do you need me to give you advice and tell you what needs to be done and be real with you, or do you just need me to say here and listen to you? Yeah, right. And so I've really been trying to be aware of that and practice that.
Speaker 1:But it's, it's a battle, because I'm used to saying You're presenting this problem to me, let's automatically find a solution, and I feel like that comes from once again In my upbringing. Something happens, I don't have time to feel or think or anything. That's last result. That's like last on my priority list. What's important right now is how do we keep the ball going rolling? How do we keep on going like we don't stop?
Speaker 1:We don't stop, whatever we have things to do. Things still need to get done tomorrow, you know what I mean and we still got to keep going. So we don't have time for this feeling stuff that right there.
Speaker 2:I think it's right that. I mean, I feel that that Keep the ball rolling is because we don't think we have enough time. We have limited time here, right, and, and we're running out, and there's certain things we can do when we're 20 and there's certain things we can do when we're 30, and by the time we're 40, we can't do those things anymore and so we're running out of time. So we need to keep going and we need to get it done right. But that prevents us like how, if, in a way, how efficiently are we living life If we're just constantly going and going and going and we feel feelings a year later and it's like this there's no space for this right now.
Speaker 2:So we keep going and going, and so I guess I ask how efficiently are we living life when we do that? Because feel what you need to feel right now and Process what you need to process right now, which which I think feeds into that inner battle I'm going with right now, like life is throwing these things at me, and it's like no, keep going, come on, let's go. And I'm like, no, I want to feel this, yeah, I don't want to, in a sense, get stuck here, yeah, or have a part of me stuck here that I didn't Process or sort through and then later on be like, oh, there's something missing here, why yeah?
Speaker 1:and you know, I think it's a combination of of Us not allowing ourselves to feel. Things is a combination of we got to keep going. We're gonna have enough time for this, like we'll deal with feelings later. We just got to keep on checking off hard to do this Right so that we can get what we want to be here and whatever right yeah but I think another thing also is Possibly with me.
Speaker 1:It's been the stigma that feelings and showing feelings is a weakness right which I feel like a Lot of our generation has already started to reshape that and revisit that and see that that's not the case, like it's not Wrong to shed a tear from time to time because the situation that happened you know what I mean Made you feel this way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's, that's huge, because I I've started to recognize more in life. I've always felt emotions at such a high, in such a high sense, and I've always been so hyper aware of my emotions, yeah, and I've always just kind of let them be, but in a sense it's like I kind of hid myself from certain situations. I was like this is gonna make me look sensitive.
Speaker 2:This is gonna make me look weak, right, and I understand that emotions aren't easily accessed by others or by some, but I was in front of my parents the other day and we were talking about something and I just felt so much emotion and I was just like they're not drawing attention to it. Okay, just let it flow. So like, but that's rare, right. Like, how many times are we in front of our friends or in front of people in general? And they're like are you crying?
Speaker 1:right now I just cry. Yeah, you know, it's funny, though, because maybe some of sometimes those moments are just meant for ourselves. You're sitting back, and not a lot of people are able to do. That is sitting back and taking in the moment, the present moment For what it is, and maybe that's something that we don't do there. If you're in a room full of people nowadays and if you stop and look around, nobody's living in the present.
Speaker 1:Hmm, everybody's either living like inside their phones, talking to someone else who isn't even there or Don't get me started social media, or like Thinking about what's gonna happen after this or thinking about what happened last night Mm-hmm not living in the present moment, and so I think that, potentially, you being able to feel what's happening in the moment is just a confirmation in like a View, living in the present, yeah, that you are there, that you are taking everything in for what it is.
Speaker 1:I had one of those moments this year that I felt like wow, like I I'm just gonna let this emotion happen, just because it's like an emotional.
Speaker 1:It was my birthday, right, and my mom, she, uh she got me a card and just what it said it was it was very sincere and very like heartwarming, and it's the first time in a long time that I really took in the words that you had to say and like really allowed, like, wow, like I have been moving way too fast to stop and place value on the people in my life that have Constantly been saying the things that she told me in this birthday card.
Speaker 1:She tells me that all the time, but it took me to stop in that moment and to make intentional time to spend with her for my birthday Right, and and to recognize that like why, why am I in such a rush to get to tomorrow? Like I need to just chill out and live in this moment and, once again, crying is a sign of weakness, subconsciously, right. So I didn't let her see me cry, but I for sure it was like I just went up to her and hugged her and gave her a kiss on the forehead and I'm like, thank you, mom, I love you, I appreciate it. And then I drove home crying, but it was a beautiful moment and it was.
Speaker 2:It was Living in the present and maybe a reminder of the things that are there constantly that you Don't see because we're too busy, we're too fast in life, you know, yeah, so I think sometimes it takes like those hurdles in life or those Tough situations that you've worked through and so that you feel things right and your emotions are a little bit more readily accessed. The other night I was out with my friends and and Put my phone down on some table that everybody was sitting at and I just didn't Care about it and I was just enjoying the moment and in the moment, right, and then kind of letting the night go on as it as it did, as it wanted to know. It's just kind of letting it pull me along. And there was a moment where I found a quiet corner and I stopped and I was like, oh dang, like there's been some things I was worried about, but like I wasn't even thinking about right, yeah, and you know, along with that I was thinking earlier as well.
Speaker 1:You know, living in the present moment and all that. I think it's important, but I feel like feeling the feelings and feeling what happens and allowing that to happen as well. I think I don't know about you, but for me sometimes it's like I don't want to allow the feelings to take place Because I'm gonna surrounded by people and I'm like I don't want my feelings to be felt by them too. Right now. I don't want to inconvenience these people with my life and with what I'm going and what I'm feeling. I feel like an inconvenience, but then I go, try to sit by myself to do with it on my own, and I'm like I don't like this either, so I just need to go be, with a group of people and just to wait it all together.
Speaker 2:The other day or not the other day, but a little bit ago my family and I were at a baseball game. We took a trip and we're at a baseball game and I started to feel emotional and I was like sitting next to my family, like looking side to side, like shake this off, shake this off, because they do not want to feel this. I mean, they do not want to see this right now, like you are. This is like this is a, a sports event, like come on, get rowdy here, let's have a good time. But and then I thought like After that I was just kind of like still kind of holding on to that in my back pocket, right, so it's like I just want to go like find a quiet corner somewhere, just go be alone for a second. Then I was like, yeah, no, that don't sound right right now either.
Speaker 1:But when you don't deal with these emotions, when you don't deal with these feelings, you're not able to really live in the present moment. Yeah, not truly truly, you know, because they're still there, kind of tugging on you a little bit and so I think how much of our Us being present has been robbed by not dealing with certain things.
Speaker 1:You know, yeah, and it's uncomfortable to go down this dealing with these things you know, because I think the truth of the matter is it makes you kind of see yourself for your mistakes and for your choices and decisions Maybe that have not been very good ones and I think that's the hardest part you know is like being able to do that and once again remind yourself, be kind to yourself and say this this has maybe defined you to this point because you've allowed a continuous pattern of things to bring you here, but it's not too late to change it. There's very few faults or mistakes that you can't erase or fix. You know what I mean Like you can go have a conversation with that person that you feel like you've been Attention with for the longest time.
Speaker 1:Hmm you know, go Apologize where it's needed to. Go forgive this person for what you're holding on to. It's only affecting you anyways.
Speaker 2:You know, go try that thing again, that you failed that and gave up again because you threw in the towel like and so that's hard, though I mean I get that because I very much recognize that now like well, now you can be the person that doesn't do those things or you can be the person that doesn't make that mistake anymore, right, but Sometimes I think we put a lot of value in what life was when we were doing these things. I think that's where a lot of that shame and guilt comes from. It's like you made this mistake and then you kind of hold on to it. You're like my whole life I've been making this mistake. It's like you don't have to, you can let that go.
Speaker 1:Now. You're not the person that made that choice anymore. Yeah, and you don't have to be, as I'm saying this out loud to you now. It's a reminder to myself. Like you don't have to agree with that. Yeah you can be like no, you made a mistake. You're human, people make mistakes. Embrace that as a failure to help you learn what not to do. Next, right, yeah, and don't do it again. Yeah, and that's once again the hard part, the battle of the mind.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right that I think, looking at that failure or that mistake, what are you know? Just kind of holding on to it, yeah, is where that lack of confidence comes from, stems from, in a sense, or continues to grow.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I think that's just one of the biggest things man is is reshaping our minds. And I think it has to do with the people, because even if you have a group of friends right who Encourage you and and talk good things and talk life into you and like lift you up right with genuine things, you know that they're saying things not just to make you feel better. They're telling you, like I said, genuine compliments because they've observed you and your failures and your faults and where you succeed and your strengths and your weaknesses. I think it takes friends like that to be surrounded by to help you reshape your mind, that aren't gonna judge you when you do fall, but they're gonna help you see how you can get yourself up and dust yourself off. But also I feel like it's important to have a group of friends that is also intentionally trying to reshape their minds, to be that kind to themselves as well.
Speaker 2:Hmm.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Yeah because if they're gonna do that to you, just like us, I'm gonna continue being that kind of friend of the people that I care about, trying my best, at least you know, mm-hmm. But also, how am I gonna do that and still not applying that to myself in my own mind? Yeah right, and so just spreading that, maybe in a group of your closest five friends, to find who you are, whatever is what they say, right, so spreading that to them. I mean that that beats such a powerful group of people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, the other day, or, and once again in another podcast episode I was talking very much talking about you know that whole thing just Looking at that being thrust into a new part of life as, as my, my turn at bat, and you know they're throwing the pitch and it's here comes my swing, and it's like I look to the people, my dugout, and it's you know them, reminding me like we're here with you on this team. You know, like this is what you're capable of. This is who you are, this who've always been, swing that bat. Hmm, that's crazy that reference. There I got it.
Speaker 1:That's crazy that reference there. I think it just did something for me. That's maybe being a part of a team, right?
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Maybe that's where my fear-failure comes in is like If I'm not good enough, if I don't perform, I'm gonna be kicked off the team. I'm gonna be kicked out of this family. I'm gonna be kicked off of this friend group. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1:Yeah because, I didn't perform the way that I failed and I automatically assume defeat, and that's that's part of my pity party, that I'm like so I'll get over yourself. But I feel like once I fail, I automatically assume myself kicked off the team. So I just go by myself and I'm like, hey, I don't want to be in a convenience to you, I don't want to, I don't want that to affect you negatively, so let me just do us both a favor and step away. Yeah, you know, and here lately I've had friends who are like what do you mean? Like why is this your reaction to things? They've picked up on that.
Speaker 1:You know my roommate um, I love the guy man he's, he's been such a good brother to me. He, he tells me he notices these things and he's like hey, get out of your head, dude, stop. Like you're going already running two assumptions and this and that like no, and, and I Think he's a father right up to and so, being a dad, I think naturally he sees, I already know what you're thinking, the way that I've already observed, the way that you are. Don't think that way. I love you, bro, I think it's cool, we're good.
Speaker 1:Get yourself up and dust yourself off. Yeah you know, and so I Think once again, it's important to have those people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I kind of do the same thing in a sense. I think, whenever I'm Going through hard times and I kind of want to bounce things off of of people or bounce ideas or feelings off of people, I go to my closest friends and and it's like I'm okay, you know, kind of venting to them and you know they they're very much there and help me, and they kind of do that to me too. Sometimes they're like, if they have something they're going through and they want to vent, like I'm there too, you know, but for me to an extent, like I'll, I'll do it. But then there will come a point pretty quick where I'm like, okay, that's enough, like you're gonna become the person that's like this again, you're bringing this up again, and it's like then I let the team down that way.
Speaker 2:So it's like I kind of Pull back state of myself. It's like, okay, I did that enough. Like let's, let's keep it moving.
Speaker 1:And you know what's crazy is, even in your friend group, I feel like people are gonna be different. They're not all this obviously right, we're all different. And so, as you're saying that, you know, I talked about my roommate, but I also have another really good friend and she I, I felt exactly what you're feeling is like.
Speaker 1:I was like um, I, I don't want to be in a convenience, coming to you with the same thing again, like crying about the same thing again venting about the same thing again, speaking about the same situation again, and she was such a good friend in acknowledging and saying that this is not something that had required action. This is just something that I had to just feel through and go through and allow the emotions to take at their course, and time would heal right. And so she stopped me one day and I remember this moment. It's such a genuine beautiful moment that I will hold on to is she was like hey, I want, I want to remind you real quick don't ever apologize for feeling the way that you're feeling. Don't ever apologize for speaking to me about the same thing over and over again. You have a safe place with me and as many times you want to talk about that, I'm going to say here and listen, and I'm going to say here and feel it with you and like having someone like that to say that to you.
Speaker 1:It's like she was speaking to my inner child. And beautiful moment is she's like can I give you a hug? And it was like it was weird for me, different right. And then she obviously made me cry and I was like thank you. And she's like well, that hug wasn't for you, that was for a little soul and I was like, yeah, man, like that's like that. You know, I didn't appreciate it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he does, he appreciated it and it did something for me. It really did. And then I kind of look back and I think I'm like man. It makes me feel bad because maybe, like in this moment, I haven't been the same friend to her, but once again, being aware of like, hey, maybe the reason why is because you haven't started dealing with these things and you're running on fumes and you can't be there for somebody if you are not taking care of yourself. You know what I mean. So, she, I did not know that if your failure conversation was going to lead all to this, we ended up at this rabbit hole. Huh, yeah, as we always do. Yeah, realistically, we're not anybody's savior, you know. Yeah, we're just, we're not like, we're meant to give them good reminders and encouragement and hold them up when they can anymore, but we're not.
Speaker 1:Where does that source come from? You know, and I think once again in my Christian walking life, I feel like I've the best times when I've been successful was whenever I go back to God and I'm like, hey, you know what your strength and your love is? What's going to like help this continue, regardless if I depend on my own, there's going to. There's a limit to that. I'm going to run out and, like I have lately maybe, I've been offering friendship on my own strength, on my own mind, on my own thinking and mentality and how it comes in perspective in every interpretation of life, which has limitations, whereas whenever I go back to God as a source of it, all, you know is like I feel once again re-energized. Now I have like an overflow that I can help people out with, because I was filled and now I'm also able to help others be filled too.
Speaker 2:Don't fill my cup. Overflow it Like my cup. I need to fill my cup on my own, but you can overflow it, yeah.
Speaker 1:Your experiences, your failures, you know the testimony of what your walk was and what worked and what didn't. You know it's encouraged. How do the people go through some things that I'm like dang like. What's my excuse?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, yeah, same here, and so, yeah, I mean, like we said earlier, it's great to have these epiphanies, but if we don't do anything about them to change and bring about change, it's kind of just another thought that's floating away a little bit, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Until we revisit it again.
Speaker 2:Now we talked about like having a lack of confidence, but what do you feel like gives you confidence, or what practices do you feel like you incorporate into your life that give you confidence? Because I mean, I think sometimes we don't take stock of our life enough to see how far we've come and what we've overcome.
Speaker 1:So you know, it's funny because I had a friend that you know vented to me the day and she was having a hard time and the next day, when I was checking up on her, she was like it's all right, I have my sad days, you know, but then the next day, like I remember who I am and I'm a beast and I'm totally fine.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean yeah, I'm like right, because she meant it in a humble way, but that's just how we joke. So, in response to your question, I think that identity is what you know brings about that confidence is like knowing who you are the good and the bad and embracing the bad as well, not just the good, and sometimes seeing that too much good sometimes can also be bad. But I think identity and like I don't go to a place where I find confidence in myself a lot and like my ability to succeed and my ability to overcome and my ability to come out on the winning end, right and and that's just once again because this negative thought or voice in my mind is used to just no, that's not you. No, that's you're not good enough. No, this and that right, which I need to stop agreeing with. Like I said, right, you?
Speaker 1:don't have to agree with those thoughts. But I think, as I was thinking about these questions, I, like I said, had to dive deep within myself and I found an easier time being able to acknowledge and give myself credit for the things that I have faced in the past that weren't so easy. And it's like, hey, like you did it, you got. You know, you got there. It may not seem like a huge accomplishment or achievement, but you didn't think you could and you did, yeah. Or like you didn't have the answers to it all and you still found a way to figure it out. You know what I mean. You did that, I. I have to.
Speaker 1:Once again, I have to get credit to God for all that, because I, every time I did try my own. I was like you know what? I don't know this like help me out here, need direction, any guidance, I need what not to do with it. I'm so simple in my human mind, like my mind is too much, so overwhelming. I need some, something right. And so in those moments, yeah, that's where my identity I feel like goes back to, and when I remind myself of that, who I am and where that source comes from you are a beast and you have your sad days, but I remember who I am and then I keep going because I know what I'm capable of doing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, and that's where the confidence should come from is like really being confident regardless of what people say, regardless of what people think. They don't walk in your shoes, they don't know what you go home to, they don't know what you dealt with. You're the demons in your mind and your heart and the things that you just walked away from or stepped into or anything like that. Right, and so brushing that off and saying like, no, it doesn't matter what people, who people think I am Right, it's me knowing who I am and me knowing, like, where I'm at.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and who? Knowing who, I'm not.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:And what? Accepting all that? I'm not yeah.
Speaker 1:Because even the thought of that you know like you're going to be this person, that you're totally not in someone else's world, yeah, and their perspective from one interaction, from one experience with them, right, which is not a definition of who you are, it was one interaction, it was one experience, yeah, right. And so it's crazy that we bring this conversation up. I want to know your thoughts on this. There's this, this quote, or something that I saw somewhere that was like a friend to all of the friends and none, and that's very true, right.
Speaker 1:And I have a very personal situation where it's kind of affected me in that way, right, with some of my friendships, because it's like how do you have your friends back and feel what they're feeling and stand up for them and stick up for them towards someone that did them wrong, while still acknowledging that other person that was in the wrong as their own person, as they were making a mistake, they were in their failures and not defining them because of their failures? Where do you find balance in that? When you find yourself in the middle, I feel like I am a very neutral person and like, hey, I love people, I just love people, and like I'll be anybody's friend and I will get to know you for you and I will see the positive before I see the negative in your life. But I'll see the negative in your life and when it's time and it's my place, if you allow me, then I'll. We'll bring it up in discussion. Let's build each other up.
Speaker 1:Let's stop this pattern, the negative patterns, right, just like I would hope that people would do for me, like, hey, so you've been in the same pattern for a long time. It's time for you to put your foot down and do something about it, because I want better for you. You know what I mean. And so, going back to that conversation about forming our own opinion about people, right, like it's, how do you stay neutral? But also that thought, that concept of a friend to all his friends and none. What does that mean? You know what are your thoughts on that if you were to be in the middle of it?
Speaker 2:I think it's not only you that has to have find a balance in that, but also others to have it as well. Right, Because there's been times where I've had a friend right, I've seen the good in somebody, I've seen the bad and the good and I've chosen to hold on to the good and other friends or whatever have said, you know, ask me, why do you hang out with that person? They did this, they did that, like I don't trust that person, don't bring them around me. And it's like I can accept your point of view. I kind of have my own, just be aware that I'm choosing to see the good. I understand you're not, and we can kind of let that be what it is, unfortunately, and instill in each other see the good in each other.
Speaker 2:And even the third party right has to be aware of that too, right? Like you know, I kind of run in a circle that doesn't really feel that great about you but like, don't let that define who you are.
Speaker 1:I'm not letting that define who you are, obviously, if I'm still interacting with you, kind of thing, yeah, and it's funny that you say that too, also because in that situation specifically, I feel like if I was to be I know it's not probably a real situation but like if I was to be in a group of people who didn't find one of my who aren't very fond of one of my other friends right, it's just natural that if there's negative banter about this person that's a friend of yours around you, it eventually is going to in some way try to at least shape your mentality as well.
Speaker 1:So I guess being the good friend of saying like you know what, that's my good friend. If you're entitled to your own opinion, if you would do me the like, at least respect me a little bit, in the sense that we're friends, that's my friend. So at least don't do it around me, right? And I think that would be a good balance in that you know what I mean and knowing if those people respect you as their friend, they'll understand that. Because it would be if you flip the situation around. If I was to talk negatively about someone you love, you wouldn't like it either. That'd be putting you in the middle and I wouldn't do that to you because you're my friend. So it's like understanding that I guess you know what I mean and seeing that for what it is is a level of thinking of like okay, like hey, we're all just walking through life here. Not everybody's going to always agree, people are different. Not everybody's going to get along, it's fine. And just knowing how to navigate through that maybe.
Speaker 2:Sorry, I just no, yeah, but also, like I think, if there ever is a time that comes along where that third party kind of proves themselves to be this bad person, hopefully we've chosen our circle well enough that we don't find the people saying I told you so you should have listened to me the first time and rather than saying like I'm sorry that happened to you.
Speaker 1:Well, and you know that's the thing also, it's hard to find people who are like. I've said this before. You know, there's people who are older and they're just bitter. I feel like everybody knows someone like that at work or somewhere like they're just bitter, they're just negative, right, and I've come to learn and find out that people that become that is because they never dealt with situations they're holding onto forgiveness. They're still upset about something that they were done wrong in certain situations or something they haven't approached that right. Yeah, and I feel like this is a concept that God has really taught me that's brought so much peace in my life is really truly knowing how to forgive and to pray for your enemies. Right, killing it with kindness, like if there's someone that did you so wrong, like, yes, you're gonna feel angry and you're entitled to feel angry about it, because I've heard somewhere that anger is just like a way of standing up for yourself, like, hey, no, that wasn't right what was done to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But also not letting that emotion take over you and your mentality and your thinking, because the bitterness now is on you. It's not on that person that did you wrong. You're becoming this bitter person because of that right. And so, once again, this concept that God has taught me is like if someone did you wrong, sit with yourself and acknowledge it. It wasn't cool, right, but hopefully be at a good place enough with yourself to try to spread positivity instead of negativity and say you know, I'm gonna pray for that person sincerely.
Speaker 1:I'm not gonna pray that their day goes wrong Like you know, like I'm gonna pray that they do better that whatever it is that is affecting them and causing them to be this way would be addressed and that would be fixed.
Speaker 2:It's. Yeah, it's so crazy that you bring that up because I recognize like there were a couple of times where I've been told in my life, like you give everybody the benefit of the doubt, like you try to see the good in everybody, and it's seen, it's said, as a weakness, right, like don't do that, like not everybody's good kind of thing. And I understand that and I know, like I guess I don't wanna come off as naive or that I'm this guy that gives everybody the benefit of the doubt and, you know, can't see the bad in anybody. It's not that. But someone recently I felt did me wrong and a close friend of mine said you know you can be angry, right, like you can be mad, you can be angry. And I was like, yeah, I know I can and I am in a sense, but I don't wanna linger in that anger or get stuck in it. And the way I realized I can get away from that is to still see the goodness person but love them from a distance.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was gonna say that you know you have to. You have to define, like, how much this person impacts you in your life. Are they a good friend of yours? If so, then there's a conversation that needs to be had. Hey, I don't think it was cool that this happened, and this is how what you did made me feel, and, once again, we were in a generation that was not taught to talk about feelings.
Speaker 2:No, not at all.
Speaker 1:Just breath that into the rug and keep going, it'll blow over. No, that's not how it always works, right. And so if it's a friend of yours, someone that you know, even if it's not what, if it's a coworker you have to work with every day, you know it's like hey, can we have this conversation? And, like you said, also, if it's a person that maybe did you wrong in a way that it's like because you see they're good at other people and you'd hope that other people would be the same way, but they took advantage of you or they did this or whatever, maybe it's not even worth having a conversation with them because they're not in your life enough. Anyways, just saying like you know what, let me. I guess it would make you think what did they do exactly to make you feel the way that they made you feel, to make you feel angry about it, that they did you wrong?
Speaker 2:right.
Speaker 1:And coming to terms with that within yourself and to peace, at peace within yourself, saying like whatever that action was doesn't have an effect on me or my identity or like anything. So I still will wish that person well from far away and not accept or demand an apology from them, because I'm fine without it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly yeah, and that's very much what I had to do, and it's just kind of like well, I hope you don't do it to anybody else. I really hope you don't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but like I said once again, knowing the balance of who that doesn't need to happen with, like hey it wasn't cool how this happened. And I think you and I have had conversations with our friendships like that, like hey, you know what, Like that wasn't cool and thank you for putting up with me. You're being patient with me, but I think had you not pointed certain things out? I think we have discussed this before.
Speaker 1:Sometimes it's someone not being self-aware of what they're doing and how it's affecting other people, Not trying to justify my actions or anything but I think in certain cases, that's what it was and you bring in an awareness to it and we're like, hey, yeah, this happened and I'm like, dude, I am so sorry that happened. Thanks for bringing to my attention. Thank you for helping me be more self-aware and attentional about what's happening and the way that my actions maybe affect other people more than I think they do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, same here. I think you know I've always talked about how much I cherish our friendship because it brings such self-awareness, like even if it's not because of things where the way we're acting towards each other, but because of the ideas or what not that come up in our conversations or things like that. So, yeah, same here. Thanks for putting up with me.
Speaker 1:And cheers to that. This was definitely a lot. It was a beneficial conversation, yeah. So thank you for asking these questions. Of course, even if we don't have to have a podcast to do this, we do this already anyways have these conversations, yeah, but it really did make me dive in and find some things out. You know, that I feel like is beneficial, so really thank you for posing the question and for inviting me to come out. I have a little internal to-do list of things that I've been trying to work on myself on, and this is definitely kind of you know, like you said, thrust me towards hopefully dealing with this fear of failure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and having a little bit more confidence.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and seeing what I need to do to be different, to make things different.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Thank you for diving into it with me. I think it or I hope you realize it's just it's been just as beneficial for me too.
Speaker 2:I have kind of been at a point in my life where I'm taking stock of where I need to go, that I've kind of been reluctant to go, or in the direction that I need to go that I've kind of been reluctant to go and yeah, in order to continue building that confidence that I am like holding on so tightly to, because I have it now Like, yeah, this is the kind of thing that helps a person do that.
Speaker 1:So, and I think that's one thing that's been cool about our friendship, the positivity and your genuine kindness and I'm not just saying that too like you know just how kind and like genuinely positive you are towards everybody. Like you can see a stranger and want to wish them well and see someone I need that will not benefit you in any way, but still meet that need, and I just think that you've been that good reminder for me sometimes, whenever I haven't been at my top or am I best, or I've been like the person that I don't want to be, because I've been there plenty of times in my life, you've seen that those sides as well.
Speaker 2:Same here.
Speaker 1:Thank you for being that person as well to remind me, like hey, like this isn't who you are, this is just something you're going through and maybe you just need a little bit of redirection. And I'm going to be that friend to help remind you and tell you right now accountability, and no pity party here, like, take accountability and do better.
Speaker 1:You know, like yeah, and obviously like an uplifting way still. You know, I've learned so much from you and our friendship as well, and definitely one of my most cherished friendships. You know, every time the people that I do hang out with constantly I'm like, oh, my really good friend, one of my really good friends, donovan, or whatever, and they're like what?
Speaker 2:I haven't met this guy? He's a really good friend. You're such a good friend, how come I haven't met him? Right exactly.
Speaker 1:Know what you are, you really are, and I know that. You know that. Yeah, I'd hope you know that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do know that and I know you know that.
Speaker 1:Yes, for sure, yeah, yeah, so you know, cool, I'm really grateful that you invited me to come do this and I want to have a conversation with you, just even if this is us to check on you and see, like, what has happened since this. Yeah, absolutely, you know, I think these kind of conversations are like that would be great accountability and our friendship is like we had this conversation. Now, what are we doing with this epiphany? How are we going to allow this to shape our lives? Cause we did a little bit of diving into ourselves and digging and found some stuff and it's time to sweep it up and clean it up a little bit and let's see what we go with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what we do with this space now, right, yeah.