This episode unfolds the danger in being tied to a single identity, or role... and how embracing the multitude of roles we play can bring a new balance into life. It's an invitation to examine our lives, to untangle the diverse threads that make up our identities, and to unlock our full potential. It's time to appreciate all the roles we fill and explore the power within each of them. Music by 23843807 from Pixabay.
Follow me on Instagram! @Donavon.Baeza
This episode unfolds the danger in being tied to a single identity, or role... and how embracing the multitude of roles we play can bring a new balance into life. It's an invitation to examine our lives, to untangle the diverse threads that make up our identities, and to unlock our full potential. It's time to appreciate all the roles we fill and explore the power within each of them. Music by 23843807 from Pixabay.
Follow me on Instagram! @Donavon.Baeza
I know it sounds ridiculous and, trust me, as I'm saying these things out loud, I could kick my own ass for allowing myself to be so hard on myself. But isn't that human nature Not to say that, because it is human nature that it's okay? But just to say or ask don't we all do that? Put an immense amount of pressure on ourselves to be the picture perfect version of whatever role we're stepping into at whatever moment, as if anyone in this world could ever be the picture perfect version of anything. What's up? What's up? Welcome back to Donations. I'm your host, donovan, and today we've got a bit of rainy weather, so if you hear some rain and thunder in the background, we're just trying something new, adding a little ambiance to the show.
Speaker 1:Most people know me as the workout guy. They see me post primarily some pictures on social media of me working out or lifting some weights and the occasional shirtless physique check here and there. So I guess you can say that I contribute to that identity when I post those things. Right, and it's the majority of my Instagram posts. And maybe a little bit of that identity is shifting as I've put more focus on other things when it comes to what my social media is made up of. But what I've noticed is that one of the topics that always gets brought up when I'm catching up with someone is just that working out. They ask how's training been? Are you still competing and are any competitions coming up? Are you still working out in the crazy Texas heat? And plenty of other workout related questions. And I'm not going to lie it feels nice. It feels like people see me, like I'm being recognized for my hard work, because I really do put my all into my training, and that's the driving factor behind why I post so much about it, because I'm proud of it. I'm proud of what my body can do, because it's doing things right now that my 26, 27 year old self never thought it would be able to do. And that makes me so excited about all the future training seasons to come and just how much I can't wait to surprise myself and continue to surprise myself. My neighborhood, too, knows me solely as the guy that's always outside working out.
Speaker 1:But that's not all that I am Sure. It takes a huge chunk of my effort every day to get in the garage and get the programming that I follow executed, but that's maybe an hour and a half to two hours of my day max. There are still 22 other hours in the day, minus about seven or eight that I used to sleep, if I'm lucky and my anxiety and intrusive thoughts don't get the best of me, and depending on how many milligrams of caffeine I consume on any given day, because your boy cannot get enough of those freedom ice C4s. I'm just kidding, I'm not really drinking that much caffeine anymore. I've started to lower and limit my daily intake compared to how it used to be.
Speaker 1:But yes, to reiterate, I'm so much more than working out. I'm so much more than my training regimen. For instance, I devote a lot of my time to reading. I like a good mix of fiction and nonfiction. I devote a lot of time to writing, whether it's journaling, poetry or the trusty shadow work prompts from TikTok. I devote hours to this whole podcasting process, from scripting to recording, to editing, to promoting and so much more.
Speaker 1:And I'm part of the good old corporate America. I work a seven to four. That can be quite demanding and requires just as huge of an amount of effort as everything else. And I'm a son and a brother and an uncle who really enjoys family time and I intentionally make time to fill those roles as consistently and as best as I can, and I'm a friend with a hell of a circle of people who I'm crazy appreciative that I get to call mine and baby. That's just scratching the surface. No, I'm kidding. But yeah, there are a couple of other roles as well, even still. But I do not list all those things and say all this so as to boast or even go into the depths, really, of each of those roles, but simply to say that when everyone I catch up with asks questions about working out, when the photos that I post that get the most likes and engagement on social media are the workout or lifting weights or sweaty, shirtless ones, of course those things make it extremely easy to tie my identity to just that one role the workout guy. But to the same extent, it's been extremely eye-opening to realize just how much we risk and how dangerous it is when we minimize ourselves by tying all that we are to just one thing. And I know dangerous may seem like an extreme or dramatic word, but hear me out.
Speaker 1:There have been countless mornings over the past couple of months where my body is literally screaming at me to stay in bed. It's usually on the mornings following the days that I felt really good and strong and capable and Spent maybe an extra 15 to 30 minutes training and then put a focus solely on Post workout recovery shakes only and not so much on the rest of the nutrition and fuel that I needed throughout the day, which is definitely a balance between over training and getting the proper amount of nutrition that I need to calibrate. But nonetheless, it physically hurts to move and Even when I finally dragged myself out of bed and reached to turn the knob and head into the garage to get warmed up and Started on the days training, my body is literally pulling me back into the house saying nope, not today, sis. Sure, a big driving factor is my desire to improve my fitness for the sake of better placements and competitions and, of course, to build and maintain good health, but it's when my body is literally screaming at me to rest and recover some more that I let the outside voices creep in and tell me no, you can't rest, because working out is all everyone knows you for and you've put a lot of work into your social media presence, and those working out or shirtless photos are the ones that get the most engagement and all those other fit Instagram people are definitely most likely Not taking a day off today, so resting is not in the cards for you, and working out is definitely going to be the only role you play right now.
Speaker 1:That's the exact moment that things get dangerous, because it's on those tired and heavy days that my body decides to start craving fries and pizza and blizzards from Dairy Queen and Chips or hot cheetos, and soon enough it turns into a fight against myself Because, no, I don't get to indulge, even if it is just this once or no, I don't get to take a rest day, I don't get to let off the gas even for a second, because I've allowed myself to tie myself to the idea that that working out and looking okay enough to post a shirtless pic is where my identity lies. And then things just start to spiral downward from there. The list of things I can't do, whether that's at all or right now, just grows and grows, because if I don't fulfill this role, if I'm not the picture perfect version of this one role that everyone knows me for, the amount of guilt I will feel will be ridiculous, and that little voice in my head that I've been working so hard to get rid of Will tell me that I'm just falling behind and I'm basically a fraud. And it's in that very dangerous moment that I completely overlooked the podcast episode I wrote and put together on that tired and heavy day that I am so damn proud of, and and the belief I have in it and its ability to resonate with at least one person. But I'm too busy feeling like I wasted the day because I was too tired to be the workout guy, so all that goes to waste. I Completely overlook the hospital wide issue that I was able to troubleshoot and resolve, helping to give a little relief to a stressful day for at least one patient, because I was more concerned with how many calories I burned versus how much I consumed on whatever day, because people who work out and Take their training seriously would never overlook calorie or macaroni trant intake. I Completely overlooked the great time I had with family and friends and how hard we laughed and how much fun we had and how much further we deepened our existing connection and and the example I get to set for my nieces and nephews and how many things I get to tell them do actually get better the older they get all because I tied my entire identity to whether I worked out or not, but I allow myself to miss out on all of the weight those roles carry and how they lift me up and show me I am serving my purpose all Because I didn't put a hurt body and tiredness aside and get workout done anyway.
Speaker 1:I Know it sounds ridiculous and, trust me as I'm saying these things out loud, I could kick my own ass for allowing myself to be so hard on myself. But isn't that human nature? Not to say that, because it is human nature, that it's okay, but just to say or ask don't we all do that? Put an immense amount of pressure on ourselves to be the picture perfect version of whatever role we're stepping into at whatever moment, as If anyone in this world could ever be the picture perfect version of anything. We tie our identity to being the perfect parent, for example, or the perfect partner that we forget the other parts of ourselves that are just as important in the makeup of who we are, or we become our worst enemy and tell ourselves that we'll never be the perfect parent or the perfect partner because of what outside voices Tell us those things should look like. Whatever role it is we want to be, we can be it. We can be all of them if we want, as long as we're intentional about it right and as long as we push aside the idea that it can only be done one specific way.
Speaker 1:And having mentioned that, something I think we need to be more aware of is just that how we can allow outside voices to tell us exactly how we should go about feeling the roles we play. As much as we might try to avoid it, there are just some people, strangers or just acquaintances who will share their opinion, whether it was asked for or not, and who will let it be known Exactly what expectations they have for someone who's trying to feel whatever role, and they'll be the first to say oh, they must be going through it or they need to get their shit together. When someone isn't living up to their expectations, it can be really hard sometimes not to let those creep in, but it can be especially hard to push them aside when it's our own friends or family and yeah, I know they mean well right, our friends and family, but they can word things wrong sometimes and whether it's those strangers or acquaintances or family and friends, those words can sometimes stick. I Know plenty of moms and dads that post endlessly about their kids and get so much love and appreciation For how hard they work for their family that it becomes the very role they're known for. But the second they post about a night out without their kids or without their family, they're deemed a neglectful, a mess or irresponsible. I have friends that work in many professional settings nurses, stylist, teachers who work damn hard, spending the majority of their day catering to the needs of others, but the moment they're seen having a life or, god forbid, even cussing once it's game over. I Even have a close friend who has raised a child almost single-handedly and who constantly provides for others Be deemed as selfish, irresponsible and even unreliable when she walked away from the business initiatives she spearheaded because she needed to put her needs and her mental health first and fulfill the role that she plays for herself. And Clearly I know how easier said than done it is to block out the outside noise right and I know, for whatever reason, it's easier to be harder on ourselves than it is to praise ourselves for all the roles we play and just how well we play them, and it feels like there are just so many ridiculous rules and standards for what? Just one of the roles we play should look like, but we have to remind ourselves that we are so much more than we give ourselves credit for and that every piece of who we are is just as important as any of the others, and that our capability in filling the shoes we wear is the very thing that brings value to the things we engage in, the kind of work we do, or the relationships and friendships were a part of, or the passions we fill our day with, not the other way around and To for the times that we've boxed those around us in and have only seen them as being just one thing. Think about how that jeopardizes the ability to know them on a deeper level. Think of how much we can enrich our relationships when we open up and see people for all the shoes they feel, and not just the one side we get to bear witness to.
Speaker 1:Not long ago, I was messaging with a new friend I had made online. We had crossed paths because of donations, which I'm extremely grateful for, and the conversation was flowing so well that we Decided to exchange phone numbers and plan a couple of times to talk throughout the week. Well, unfortunately, we had a bit of miscommunication, so while I was waiting for a phone call, he sent a text letting me know that he was listening to a podcast episode. The text conversation kind of died down from there and it started getting late, so I responded with a text letting him know I was going to bed and we could try a phone call another day, and his response was it's okay, I'm getting to know you more through your podcast, so it's a win-win.
Speaker 1:And I'm not gonna lie, I was a bit disappointed reading that I mean, it's not the worst thing in the world to say and I got the sentiment behind it. I really did. I just felt very boxed in. Don't get me wrong. Donations is everything to me, and it's afforded me many amazing experiences and connections, and every bit of what I say and express on here is me, but it's only one role out of the many that I feel and I know mentioning this story is going to sound bad like damn, there's just no pleasing. You is there, but it just felt like he was saying listening to one episode was enough to know all of me. Again, I know that wasn't his intention, though, and we had a little chat about it, and I think we both learned a little more about each other and ourselves through that conversation. But I tell you this story to stress the point that not everyone is open to those kinds of thought processes and will very much box someone into one role. I've even had someone twist and use my own words from donations against me, which was very surprising and unfortunate, but luckily I've moved on from that.
Speaker 1:If anyone comes up to me, please still ask me about working out and my training, because, yes, I absolutely love it and I like to refer to it as training, because my goal is to grow and get better and to one day be at the games, probably in the Masters division. I might make it, I might not, but either way I'm going to die trying. So, yeah, it's a big part of who I am, so continue to ask me questions about it. But there's so much more to me too, and there's so much more to those around you, and especially so much more to you, than just being one thing.
Speaker 1:Have you been putting pressure on yourself to be the picture perfect partner or mom or dad or son or daughter or nurse or employee or trainer or stylist or whatever that one thing is, and in doing so, have you been neglecting all the other amazing parts of yourself. Have you been allowing others to voice their opinions and box you in? Have you been boxing others in? Please hear me when I say don't tie your entire identity to just one role. You are so capable of fulfilling your purpose through all the facets of your being, not just one of them, and that should be taken full advantage of. The world deserves who we were all meant to be, and allowing others to box us in or boxing others in just keeps us from sharing the kind of light we need to keep hope alive. And yeah, that was a bit dramatic. I get it Starting to be a little too mushy, but you get the gist For the next one. Be careful.