Don-ations
Don-ations is the place you come to when you want to slow down and make sense of it all. It’s for the overthinkers, the feel-everythings, and anyone trying to grow without losing who they are. Some weeks it’s just me, other times I’m joined by friends who bring their own stories and perspectives. Together, we dive into the moments of love, healing, friendship, identity, and the messy middle of growing, and turn them into reminders that you’re not behind, you’re just becoming. I’m not here to fix you. I’m here to think it through with you.
Don-ations
A Perspective On Connections & Facing Yourself
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In this episode, I invite you to revisit your connections, to value them, and most importantly, to nurture them, especially the connection you have with yourself... but to also open yourself up to transformative power these connections have to offer.
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The Complexity of Human Connections
Speaker 1And when the ties of that connection were severed , my very world did fall apart . But what it taught me was that the right kind of connections will be the kind to help fortify the walls of your world as you continue to build that world up , because in the right connections , you will be motivated to do so and you will become more of yourself in the process . Hey , hi , how are you ? Welcome back to donations . It's your host , donovan , and I'm super glad , as always , to have you here . It just wouldn't be the same without you .
Speaker 1What a year it's been and I know you're gonna hear that every day for the next month , but just bear with me . Okay , it's been probably the toughest but the most fun and rewarding year I've had in a very long time . So I get to say , man , what a year it's been as many times as I want , okay , and it just is what it is . And I know everyone and their mom is posting all about their Spotify RAPT and Apple Music replay and it probably got really really old really fast . But that shit is exciting to me , so we're gonna talk about that too . Okay , it's just like , ooh , who's my top artist and what's my song of the year and what does it all say about me ? You want to know what it says about me ? Absolutely nothing . No , I'm just kidding , but really my Spotify RAPT and Apple Music replay were basically just a summary of the same six to seven songs that I listened to when I worked out this year . But that list may or may not include a RuPaul Drag Race cast song or two , because if you're not having a minute or two of strutting your stuff while trying to catch your breath , then are you really working out Really ? Are you really having fun ? Probably not , but are such songs on my RAPT list TBH ? And does that say much to who ? I am as a person ? Who knows , and there's things like that in life we just have to accept , okay , Deal , deal , pickle . But you know what else we have to accept ? You guessed it learning lessons , my favorite pastime , and if I had any RAPT list about the lessons I did or didn't learn , or the lessons I replayed over and over this year , or even just one of the biggest lessons I've learned in general , it would definitely include the lesson that human connection is one of the biggest driving forces behind the decisions we make on a day-to-day basis and the ways in which we go about seeking connection out and establishing it and nurturing it and letting go of it has the ability to shape not only ourselves but also the generation we leave behind , when it's all said and done .
Speaker 1I know that's a little dramatic , but a couple of weekends ago I found myself in the middle of a sorta empty bar in basically the middle of nowhere , just outside of a small town and I want to emphasize small town because I'm thinking that minute detail might play a bigger part in this situation than one might initially think . So the situation was I was at this bar right and I was with a friend , and we were there meeting his friend , and when he introduced me to his friend , a very pretty and approachable girl , she then introduced us to who seemed to be her boyfriend . Then we all sat down , grabbed a drink and settled into our seats , allowing the night to start to play on as it was meant to . Right , and as you know , the more the drinks were poured , the more loosely we all started to engage with each other , the more our shoulders relaxed and the more I watched this girl and her man engage with each other so genuinely , their body language spoke so highly of each other and their exchanges seemed to happen with such ease and all of it was in a sense appeasing to the more skeptical side of myself that questions what real interactions of love look like . But it later came up in conversation that they were in fact not boyfriend and girlfriend and she did not hesitate to let it be known that she was just waiting for him to ask her to be exclusive , because she was very much ready to get behind that idea or possibility of being together officially .
Speaker 1But when that was brought up to him , why hadn't he asked to be together or why hadn't he made that move yet ? She just sat back and listened to him when he started saying he'd already explained it to her . They've known each other for years and they clearly have great chemistry and he very much loved the time they spent together and he made it clear how great of a person he thought she was , but that he's already told her not to be wasting her time , because he's leaving town soon enough and he'll find himself in another world and he's very much excited and ready for it and looking forward to it and she shouldn't be wasting her time with a guy like him , because not only does he not have much to offer her because of the fact that he's leaving , but also because of him seeing himself as not that great of a guy and that she deserved better . And this was all very sad for me to witness because for their body language to have spoken so highly of each other , this information he let us in on seemed like a direct challenge to all of that . But the heaviest part for me was her display of acceptance for all of this , but still the light in her eyes when she looked at him and the light in his and willingness to kind of stand to the side and let her be exactly who she was , which was very lively and charming and alluring . And it was all very clear that their connection was the kind of connection that doesn't happen every day and they were both very much aware of that fact . But it seemed one was chasing it or acting in favor of it and the other maybe just entertaining it or deciding walking away from it , held better opportunity than staying and nurturing it .
Speaker 1It made me think of all the times in life that we established a connection with someone and end up being the very thing that gets in the way of it , by thinking that life holds something better for us somewhere else . If it's this good , there must be better somewhere else . Right ? Or the times ? The connection is clearly bad for us and is holding us back from the very kind of life we deserve . But yet how much we crave and chase it even still , because we're convinced there's no way there's anything like this anywhere else . Because , like I said , sometimes connections don't happen every day .
Speaker 1And how do we go about recognizing what's in the way of what ? Are we neglecting or nurturing ? Are we settling or are we fighting for something that's worth it in the end ? And as much as I want to have an answer for that , I don't really think there is one , or at least a one size fits all kind of answer . Absolutely . If the rest of your world begins to fall apart , or the very parts of yourself that make you the special and unique person that you are seem to be put on hold . When you put fighting for the connection your soul purpose and you don't find any reciprocation , then it's clear that the connection is standing in your way . But , contrary to that , if you find a special person , a special connection provides you all the answers you ever needed . But yet you convince yourself it's too good to be true , or you let greed get the best of you and convince you that there's even more to be had somewhere else , then , no doubt about it , it's you in your own way .
Speaker 1But this whole thing , this whole interaction , also made me think about how many times have family members or best friends told us a variation of those various statements , and we heard the truth in them and felt it too . But we decided to learn the lesson those connections held within them , on our own and in our own way , 100 times out of 10 , in the exact opposite way of what our family or friends were telling us . And so that's why I don't think there's really an answer or a how to pamphlet on navigating the complexities of connections . But I do think there's lessons to learn and answers to some of those questions we have about them when we look at how we go about establishing them , when we crave them , how we go about nurturing them , when we found one worth investing in , and , two , how we jeopardize them when we don't appreciate them as we should .
Speaker 1Maybe that connection I saw between that girl and that guy that I met that night looked like an extremely special one to an outsider , and I'm no one to say whether it was or wasn't special , but from what they shared , I wonder if the small town and what is possibly the smaller chance of such connection had her chasing it or fighting for something that was standing in her way . Or if it was as genuine as it looked , being the outsider looking in and the guy maybe thinking , if it's this good here , imagine how much better it could be somewhere else . And who am I right ? I'm just an outsider looking in and I have no idea of what complexities lie within that specific connection , nor the emotion coming from both sides of it . But it did grant me a unique perspective that I haven't been privy to in quite some time and it did raise those very questions I mentioned earlier within myself and with my own connections , past , present and potentially future .
Speaker 1And if I could offer any little bit of insight , I would say there has very much been a time or two when I left every part of myself behind to fight for the sake of a connection and found no reciprocation , and when the ties of that connection were severed my very world did fall apart . But what it taught me was that the right kind of connections will be the kind to help fortify the walls of your world as you continue to build that world up , because in the right connections you will be motivated to do so and you will become more of yourself in the process and discover and learn about new parts of yourself even still that you didn't know were there this whole time . And the right kind of connections won't hold you back or have you feeling like you're on edge every minute of every day or that there's a very thin thread between you and the other side of whatever connection and that you have to become less of yourself or less of a person even to save that or to save someone else . I'm not trying to suggest that connections don't take work , because in whatever capacity and whatever form they're in , they do take work . But the workload is lighter because in the right connections there's effort from both ends and not just one side , and the work days are shorter because of that very fact too .
Speaker 1But if there's ever a time that you find yourself unwilling to put in that work for a connection you're in , then it's like ask yourself , who are you risking holding back when you're not willing to put in the effort ? Ask yourself , who are you going to be ? Are you going to be someone who wastes someone's time ? Or are you going to be the kind of person that takes accountability and honors what the connection was or wasn't , and the kind of person that owns up to the idea that it potentially should end if you don't want to put that work in ? And this whole experience and all of these questions and all of this introspection really made me think about all the times that connections in general have held so much weight in my life and I'm sure in yours too , and I think about how they've dictated a lot of the decisions I've made in my life , what I've put up with , what jobs I've stayed in or held myself back from , what dreams I've nourished within myself or which dreams I've let go of . And I guess I wonder if it makes you wonder the same things . And , regardless of if these connections were nourished and continued or jeopardized and severed , how much they build and shape us into who we are , and so much more .
Speaker 1Even still , I remember a couple years back being in the market for a dog it was maybe a year and a half , if even that into living in my own home , and it finally felt like I had gathered my bearings from learning all the responsibilities that come with being a homeowner and I decided I was ready for a friend . I'm not sure what it is about labs or why I was so attracted to the idea of having one of them to begin with , but I started searching the internet for ads about them or postings about them , and it was pretty much destiny that it ended up being a very short search , and it wasn't long before I was emailing some lady about possibly putting a deposit down for one of the three lab puppies she said she would have within a month's time in my hometown . And I should add that there were no photos in the internet posting about them and really no description other than that they were indeed Labrador puppies , and all of that lack of information usually isn't my style when going about something so big , but something about the transaction just felt right . So a month went by and on the weekend that the puppies were ready , I was helping family pour cement . When I got the text that it was time to pick up my pup , I literally stopped mid-work and said I had to leave and rushed to where the puppies were rushed inside , and I think the only words I said when I got there were I'm here for the puppy , and the lady inside walked me over to another room and started to pull back a curtain . And as soon as that curtain was pulled back , all I remember is setting one foot into the small space behind that curtain and within an instant , one chunky black Labrador puppy at the furthest part of the room stopped playing with whatever he was playing with . He instantly turned to look at me and then started trotting my way . I didn't even hesitate . I said that one and even though it seemed like it was my choice , really I was his choice . Jet chose me . You already know this . Jet's become one of the biggest parts of my heart and still looks at me the same way he did when I walked into that room .
Self-Connection and Meaningful Relationships Importance
Speaker 1And I tell that story to emphasize the fact that he had no idea of my ability to protect and provide for him , or if he could even trust me . Nor could he have known how much he would end up changing my life , and I love holding on to the idea or hope , maybe the fact that he saw something in me that day and in that instant small connection that he established with me , my life changed and I've done everything in my power to nurture that connection because he's shown me that he'll hold me accountable every day and he still sees something in me that I still haven't seen yet . And that's what I mean when I say the right connection will build your world up and not tear it down or leave it in pieces . And I like to look at that as a healthy connection because even though we challenge each other , we also provide for each other . And yes , bro , it's that deep and that connection is the basis on which I look for any other connection familial , romantic , platonic to feel . But more importantly , that's how I look for the connection to feel within myself , with myself .
Speaker 1I have to challenge and provide for myself too , because without that , how could I ever expect to be that for someone else ? And without that self-connection I'd be starved for connection altogether and would put up with breadcrumbs or someone or something holding me back . That's why everyone says love you first , use you first , and do it so intently that there's no doubt in your mind whether someone else loves you and chooses you , and so that there's no doubt in your mind that you'll be okay and will still feel love if someone can't love you or can't choose you , because you've already built up that love and choose yourself every morning that you wake up . And on the opposite of that , that connection with yourself is so important because without it , or without knowing how to take care of a connection altogether , you run the risk of holding others back , you run the risk of being the kind of person that wastes other people's time and you run the risk of never taking a look in the mirror and never facing yourself when the person on the other end of the connections you're in challenges you and turns the reflection back on to you .
Speaker 1And if there's a wrapped list of all the things I've learned hold real value in this life , it's just that the times those connections point a mirror on you , forcing you to face yourself . And if there's a wrapped list of all the things I've learned that hold real value in this life , it is just that that , regardless of whether a connection is nurtured or whether it's let go of the times , that any connection points a mirror on you , forcing you to face yourself , is the real deal , that's the real essence of life . That's where you find real value . So relish in those moments , regardless of where the connection ends up , that's the real sauce of life . Right there , how are you facing connection in your life ? Are you seeking it out ? Are you hiding from it , chasing it , forcing it or nurturing it ? Or is it something you're learning to let go of ? And , most importantly , who are you because of it ? Until the next one , be careful .