By the end of this episode, I hope to leave you armed with the knowledge that boundaries don't just safeguard our goals—they nurture the seeds of self-respect and self-awareness that bloom into the best version of ourselves. Music by 23843807 from Pixabay
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Am I going to see the same amount of love and intention overflow my cup, or is the water level going to continue to go lower because I'm still only pouring into someone else's what's up? It's your boy, donovan, and welcome back to donations. Oh, I'm in a good mood today. I've got the house clean, I've got everything organized. It's a fresh start, it's a new year, and boy do you have a hell of an episode ahead of you. Before we jump into it, though, I just want to take a second and thank you, as always, for pressing play and joining me today, but also for all the times you joined me in the past year. It was a great one and it was full of so many highlights and so many milestones, and I can't wait to see how this year turns out.
Speaker 1:You'll have to forgive the noise in the background. Your boy doesn't have the fanciest of studios quite yet, and the world just loves to choose to be the loudest. Whenever I'm trying to record, it's so annoying. There's literally car alarms going off right now, some dog barking nonstop and the train horn blasting through the town, and I'm like, really, that's got to happen right now. Anyways, speaking of New Year, I know Christmas was just like a week or so ago. But there's something about seeing the Christmas lights fade that gets me so excited for what's to come. When springtime comes around and I think I've mentioned being so excited about warmer weather to just about everyone I know and they very quickly remind me that winter has just started. We haven't even gotten to the thick of it yet, but before you know it, the Super Bowl will have come and gone and Valentine's Day will be a thing of the past, and then it's March and we'll see the days get longer and feel the sun get warmer.
Speaker 1:And I like to think that that that newness plays a part in the resolutions and intentions that we set at the beginning of the year, and for those resolutions and intentions there's a promising to ourselves that has to happen to plant those seeds now and to tend to them over the next couple of weeks so that they'll become habits. And when habit is practiced enough, it becomes a lifestyle. And that's the sweet spot. That's the place we're all trying to get to, the place where there's no longer a need to set a resolution or an intention for the new year, because these seeds bloom so beautifully into habits and those soon turned into just the way we are, just the way we live, and it's so ingrained in who we are now.
Speaker 1:But of course that all takes work. It takes work to get there. I mean, if it were easy, resolutions wouldn't be a thing. But rest assured that we all have them, especially me. I think I had about seven of them listed before the clock struck 12. And we're all trying to put in the honest hard work that it takes to tend to those seeds and live what we consider a better life.
Speaker 1:And I'm here to tell you that I'm in your corner and I'm cheering you on every step that you take towards realizing your resolutions and intentions and seeing those things become who you are. But I wouldn't be able to say I'm in your corner without letting you in on one very big lesson that I learned recently, and that's the fact that any resolution or intention or goal or lifestyle that you hope to see come to fruition relies heavily on boundaries, and whether you find yourself with them or without them. I know there's a little bit of stigma around the idea of boundaries and I also know how easy it is to feel like we're telling the world I'm the person that comes with rules and that means I'm no fun when I set boundaries, but when you're trying to fulfill those resolutions that are essentially goals that you haven't met yet, it's going to take a change in your life, a change in your day-to-day routine, a change in the things that you allow and the things that you don't allow in order to make it happen. I remember setting the resolution last year of completing 75 hard and getting fit, and when I did that I knew that I wasn't even going to get close to day 75. Much less day 30 if I didn't set boundaries with myself and with those closest to me about what I would and wouldn't be doing like drinking on the weekend or constantly going out to eat but also remind them and myself that it didn't mean I wasn't fun or up for a good time, but just that it would look a little different as I was trying to complete that challenge. And also that just because me having fun looked different than what it usually looked like didn't mean I was any less fun. Just because anything looks different doesn't mean it's less than.
Speaker 1:And I remember just last week, at the beginning of this year, when I set out to be more financially responsible, the first thing I had to tell myself to say goodbye to was going out shopping when the bath and body candles are on sale or the new shoes are out at the van store, or going out to eat when there's food at home. And, yeah, in the beginning it feels like those boundaries are causing you to have to go without or are restricting you. But the end goal, the realizing of that resolution that you set, is only going to happen with those boundaries in place along the way, because how are you supposed to get into the ring without them? Yeah, I'm not really sure if that metaphor worked or not, but I say all that about boundaries to really transition into the real meat and potatoes of boundaries. That is so much more than just resolutions and this is donations. So you know it's about to get really real, real fast, and I'm sure that's no surprise to you, exactly like how it's no surprise to you when I say relationships take boundaries too.
Speaker 1:When we go out on dates or interact with romantic interests or enter into situations and relationships and we simply mention without any animosity the kind of things we will and won't accept, it feels like we're automatically labeled as difficult or incapable of having fun and being carefree, that we're the kind of person who puts pressure where pressure isn't needed and it screams I'm too serious or even too needy. But how are you ever going to see your needs be met without granting someone a roadmap to your heart and vice versa, how can you expect anyone to open up and let you win if you aren't willing to navigate the lines they've drawn in the sand? Without those boundaries, we just end up being taken for granted or taking someone else for granted, and pretty soon we think taking each other for granted is the only sure sign of being in a relationship. I've 100% felt the weight of a lack of boundaries in the past when I didn't want to fall under that too needy category or be seen as the guy who's too serious and doesn't know how to have fun. So when it would have been, when I felt like my needs were being ignored or brushed off, I might have been clear about the fact that I didn't like it, but wasn't completely clear to the other party or even myself about why I wouldn't slash, shouldn't accept it, or that there was a consequence for it happening in the first place, because if there's anything about disrespect or disregard or dismissal, it's the fact that it will continue to happen as many times as you allow it. If you don't let the offender know that you don't accept such behavior, there's a chance it'll just keep happening.
Speaker 1:And so boundaries take speaking up. Sometimes they take living up to. Otherwise they'll be crossed again and again, whether that be someone else crossing them or you yourself getting in your own way. And as much as I say that there should be consequences for those that cross or threatened across your boundaries, you have to realize that when it comes to a situation or a relationship, or even a friendship or a family relationship, there should be consequences for crossing them for you too. And what that looks like is taking accountability for ourselves and asking the kinds of questions that need to be asked like are my needs ever going to be met in this situation? Truly, or am I just cashing all my chips in on someone's potential? Are things ever going to get better, or am I counting on the day that's never going to happen? Am I going to see the same amount of love and intention overflow my cup, or is the water level going to continue to go lower because I'm still only pouring into someone else's?
Speaker 1:And I think the proof in the pudding is right there, if you ask me the proof as to why boundaries are so important? Because without asking ourselves those things, we risk repeating cycles that we've been trying to break for so long. And then it's not only those we're in situations or relationships with that think our needs don't matter, but we begin to believe that ourselves. We begin to believe that our needs don't hold any weight, and then, pretty soon, we find ourselves with this anger that we end up carrying with us everywhere we go that we somehow think is solely the one who crossed our line's responsibility to fix, when we turn a blind eye to the actuality that there's a responsibility, aren't our end too, if we're continuously accepting behavior we don't align with, and carrying around that anger and not facing that responsibility is the kind of thing that will keep us from the kind of love we deserve to receive.
Speaker 1:And, like I mentioned before, I know what it's like to not want to risk speaking up and being labeled a difficult one and risking ending or jeopardizing whatever relationship it is, because without it you'll be without or missing something or missing someone. But it's that idea alone that your life is better with any interaction, even if it's disregarding or disrespectful or dismissive, than having no interaction at all, and it's that that keeps us repeating cycles, and it's that that keeps us from realizing no one deserves to be disregarded or sidelined, especially not you, and there is never more to be lost than gained by having a boundary About how you let people interact with you, and not only do you owe all of that to yourself, but you deserve it too. So, whether it's a romantic relationship, a work relationship, a familiar relationship, situation, ship, friendship, whatever, know and believe that boundaries serve as a testament to the needs of our inner child and, as the sole caretaker of that child, it's your responsibility to keep them out of harm's way, to stand up for them when the time calls for it and if that's not enough to remove your inner child from any unfavorable situations they might find themselves in. Boundaries are so that we don't find ourselves being forced to put our foot down and having to fight to stay true to our values and the kind of relationships that we want to fuel and enrich our lives, and we don't look to keep those lines well drawn. And when we don't look after our inner child, when we don't have boundaries, we only end up sabotaging and abandoning ourselves much sooner than anyone else can. That's why boundaries are not only important to have, but important to keep.
Speaker 1:I Know that took a dark turn. We were just talking about springtime and how I need to stop asking myself where my money keeps disappearing to as I light another Bath body candle. But I just wanted to let you know that, regardless of whether the world thinks they're cool to have or not cool to have, we all have things we absolutely should and should not put up with and, for the sake of nurturing and growing relationships and whatever form they take and in reaching our goals, we all have things that we should and shouldn't compromise on. Boundaries are maps for others to navigate when it comes to being friends with us or for loving us and vice versa, and they're a map for ourselves to always return back home Until the next one. Be careful.