This episode is not simply a conversation—it's a celebration of the monumental in the minute, and a testament to the transformative power of taking life one reflective, intentional step at a time. Join us as we explore the symbiotic relationship between sobriety, self-care, and satisfaction. Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay.
Follow me on Instagram! @Donavon.Baeza
This episode is not simply a conversation—it's a celebration of the monumental in the minute, and a testament to the transformative power of taking life one reflective, intentional step at a time. Join us as we explore the symbiotic relationship between sobriety, self-care, and satisfaction. Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay.
Follow me on Instagram! @Donavon.Baeza
I'm just careful now with what I do, but I'm still living my life to the fullest. There's nothing that's going to hold me back, and I know. What did hold me back was my alcohol consumption, and now I'm being careful with it.
Speaker 2:What's up guys? Welcome back to Donations. It's your boy, donovan. Thank you for joining me. You know what always makes my day.
Speaker 2:It's been a hell of a start to the new year and, before we get any further into it, I just want to remind you that it does not matter who or how the world wants us to be, because what matters is that we stay true to ourselves and that we always strive to be the best us we can be. Today, I've got quite the treat for you. I recently invited my great friend, kristin Smith to the show to talk about relationships and discipline and the incredible health journey she's embarking on. Kristin is such a lively spirit and what she offered up during our sit down is exactly what Donations is all about and is going to give you the kind of inspiration and love that I know you need today. Don't forget to share where you're listening from on social media and tag your boy. It's like my most favorite thing in the world.
Speaker 2:Alright, let's get into it. I've always appreciated the way that you've made me feel welcome, like anytime we've hung out, and you've always made me feel welcome, and you've got this like infectious smile and this warm presence that I've always gravitated to, and I know that everybody else gravitates towards it too. Like I can just see it. You know, I've always been somebody that wears their emotions on their sleeves, and so now I'm learning to look at that as like my superpower, and I see that in you as well. Like you've got this soft strength about you that is so admirable and I just I love it and I knew I had to get you on the show and talk about just life and all that stuff.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much and I really appreciate that because I feel like it's like the same, like the mutual feeling like right there because since we first met, it's just like an instant click, you know which, which happens with like most people that I interact with or like meet friends of friends. But it was like like that, you know, and then I always go back to that time that we did like a little kind of something like this, but without all these instruments and gadgets. It's so cool whenever we worked out and we just just talked about life and just just kicked it and bonded, you know. So I feel the same Thank you.
Speaker 2:I appreciate that. I'm glad One of the things I admire most, which I don't think enough people are doing or like not necessarily this specific thing that people aren't doing enough, but, I think, being intentional about the life that they're living. So I would like to ask you about this journey you're on this sober journey If you'd like to talk about it and share about it. What led you to that, what motivated you to it and what motivates you to keep going?
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, that's amazing. I think even we were going to get to that because it's something that's been actually. Today marks 180 days.
Speaker 2:Day.
Speaker 1:I track it every single day. I do my daily check-ins you know, so what started?
Speaker 1:it was just like I kind of felt like I had this relationship with alcohol and it was the most toxic relationship I've ever been in.
Speaker 1:You know, and it's not like I was an alcoholic to where I needed to drink every single day or anything like that, but it just it was like every weekend or anytime I did drink, I drank to the extent and I you don't even know how many times I've ruined friendships. I ruined relationships with friends, family, just in general, and sometimes it would like cause me to not show up to work or just be my best self and I honestly grew tired of it. I grew tired of who I was and reflecting on it the next day and just, you know the embarrassment and the Sunday scaries, but it was like either a Saturday scary, a Monday, a Wednesday scary, it's just, I was just tired of it and I've always, I've always tried, I've always told myself you don't need alcohol, you don't need that, you know you're a fun time, no matter what. But it was June 11th that really just kicked my ass. I was like no fucking more like absolutely no more.
Speaker 1:And what drives me to continue doing it is the praise I give myself, the praise I get from my loved ones, and just making myself and others proud. I don't think really. I mean, there's some people that were like I need to do it, but I don't think there's like a lot of people that were like oh no, she's, she's not going to do it, or something like that, and I think that was kind of like a fire inside me too, because I did have a lot of self doubt with it.
Speaker 1:but there would be so many emotional times in the beginning when I would talk about it and just like it would like break me down. But when I talk about it nowadays I'm just so empowered by it. So empowered by it I watch all my friends drink and give me a topo chico on ice and give me a red bull, and it's still a vibe.
Speaker 2:That's good, that's awesome. Do you feel like so, like I love that you said you, you know, give yourself praise and you give yourself like that recognition that you're doing it. And I think people do think, oh, it's just for a short amount of time or they'll revert to whatever in no time. Right, and people don't really give people the credit they deserve for even starting it, even thinking about starting it, right, do you stay away from those people or I can and I have.
Speaker 1:Since doing this, I have, I don't want to say fallen off, but I have like removed myself quite a bit. I'm not out as hardly as like I used to be, or I really don't surround myself with the same people I used to hang out with, and there's nothing against them or anything like that. It's just we see things on two different levels. Like, every weekend has to involve a drink and sometimes I just would rather, I just would rather not. Even if I am around, like just someone that is drinking on a weekend, it doesn't bother me, but it's still it's. It's good to remove myself from that situation because of course there's always temptation, like I always feel like like the type shins always there and I could, I could fall back to it if I wanted to. But I'm not going to allow myself to do that and I feel like it's an easier thing to do when I just don't surround myself or go out with that environment anymore.
Speaker 1:Yeah, how do you handle that, like those times that there's temptation, is it just removing yourself, or I think about the guilt and how I would feel after going so far and how I would really kick my own ass honestly because I give myself a lot of tough love and I don't want to and I don't want to ruin it.
Speaker 1:I don't want, I don't want to feel that ever again. You know, for for anything like I can make, I'll make my boyfriend a drink and I'll just be like I know that's damn good, right there and still and like just to hand it off without even like taking a sip or like doing a little straw trick thing, like it's, it's, it's nothing now. Yeah, and there's like when you do that, there's like a little internal thing that's like there's a happy dance, yeah, whether actually I'm doing it or inside.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the other day I was just like doing my morning routine and morning, morning things, and like I had been. There were a couple of days like I always talk about how routine, like so important to me, and just being consistent, right and and moving the needle forward. And there were a couple of days where I was kind of struggling, like to get my footing, my footing again. I took a day or two to like just relax, and then I was like OK, time to get back to it. And so it's not. It's not always easy like getting back to things right away, and so finding your footing is a little bit tricky and I finally felt like I found my stride again. So I was like cheering, like cheering myself on, like pumping myself up, like yeah, you got, like see you, you can do it.
Speaker 1:Like yeah, and it means a little self praise. And that's something I always admire about you too is that you, you always find your way back to like you know what you've got to do and you know it's good for you. And of course, everyone gets out of their groove. You know every once in a while, but you always, always, always, always get back to it. You know what needs to be done and handle it very well. It's very slick, it's. I look up to you, like I look up to that in general about you.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's that hits me right here in the heart, like for real. That's that means so much to me, because that's that's like. I think that's what is behind. All of it is just like, yeah, like we all go through the tough times, like we all lose our footing, we all have to find our way again, but like you will get there. You like, no matter how long it takes, like just keep being intentional about it and you will get there. Yeah, like, yeah. That place where it's like you can hand off a drink to someone else and be like I'm good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm always like. I'm like, hey, y'all want to take shots, bartender, get them around the shots, they'll mine up with pickle juice. Yeah, they'll mine up with red bull.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. And whenever we had that appetizers and drinks party for gay bulls going away, I was like, yeah, no, this is cool. Everybody's like just rallying behind you, like give her a mocktail like.
Speaker 1:Oh that, oh my gosh, thinking about it, because we wanted to tear it, because that was so, so cool of everyone to do, like and to make sure like, remember, like the blue sea, the blue carousel, they were like oh no, there's alcohol in it, so I just got a brand new one, so that that was really awesome, you know, and that, like that group of friends, I, like you know, I love them to death and those are, those are your close friends.
Speaker 1:But I also consider myself close in that too, even though we don't hang out nearly as much as like I would say, like my, my normal crew quote, unquote but I just always feel, I feel that, you know, I feel that with it, with them.
Speaker 2:That's good, and we feel that too with you. Like I mean, I don't even like to think of there being a separation or anything like that or anything you know. But I get what you're saying and we feel that too. For sure, you said a little bit ago when you were drinking or when you were not sober, that there were some Good yea friendships and relationships that kind of were either put on the back burner or kind of jeopardized. Yeah, how are you handling those today, or have you gone back to those?
Speaker 1:Um, I mean, yeah, I would say that I have gone back to them because it's it's all about righting my wrong, and that's one thing I'm big about, even when I was drinking. It was just. I guess I got tired of always having to say sorry or like or have them forgive me for something that it was honestly intentional, because I intended to drink and I I mean, I don't attend to be a dumbass or reckless all the time, but it just happens.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it would happen too often whenever I would drink and like I mean it would just cause unnecessary fights that I'm thankful that the people that are still in my life realized that that's just, that was Kristen which is drunk, and you know just, if we could all just swipe the like, erase it like oblivion, please. And so I'm thankful for that because you know, some I've done some pretty like, some shitty things, you know, not like, not Life-changing. I can't say that because it could be for some people.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean, and it was enough life-changing for me to want to change my life about it. So I'm just really grateful that the people that have seen me in my worst are now experiencing me in my best.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's got a lot of weight to it when you know those, those that have seen both and and they're still Bright or die, they're still right there.
Speaker 2:That brings to to my mind. You know, I've always felt like In my younger years there were a lot of things that I did that were out of pocket or out of character and Kind of did things that I didn't really realize were jeopardizing the relate, my close relationships, until like I was kind of further along and I was like, oh, like that wasn't cool or like that's why that relationship fell apart, you know. And so now I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine the other day. Now I feel like I Called it being careful when I'm around people not to say things out of pocket or or Try, and you know, do do the wrong thing or jeopardize that relationship, right, but they reminded me that it's like it's not about being careful, it's about being cautious, like you're just being cautious and it's fine, you know, and being intentional about, you know, not jeopardizing that relationship, and so exactly.
Speaker 2:It brought to mind the times that I've been apologizing recently. I get really excited and I get really passionate about things and, like I get really emotional Right and I, when I'm expressing those emotions or those that excitement to someone else and I don't see it married back to me, I'm kind of like, oh then.
Speaker 1:I'm yeah, I want it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, right but like, and so then when I don't see it, I like pull the sheet over my head or like put my hater blockers on or something like okay, like this is, this is not what what I, what I should be here for. But like I realize we all experience things on a different level, right like not everybody's gonna be excited or emotional about the same things, and I'm learning that, and so that's something that I've been apologizing for Is like the times that I kind of go internal and I'm like, yeah, that wasn't cool to just blow someone off because they didn't like what you liked or didn't feel what you feel you know. But I wonder, what is something that you've been or you found yourself apologizing for recently, and what have you learned from it?
Speaker 1:Well, one thing I feel like whenever I, whenever you ask that question, it always pops up to my head. I'm like. I feel like I'm the type of person that Over apologizes. Oh, me too, I'm sorry for saying sorry and I catch myself because I have been told that sometimes you're like why stop saying it's hard?
Speaker 1:you like stop, because sometimes like when, I, whenever, but I honestly feel it like I feel yeah sorry for every little action that I do that I might in my head, that I think I'm sorry for, and I don't want that to fade away.
Speaker 1:I don't want my sorry to be taken as oh, she's just the girl who cries sorry, you know and so I would besides have, besides saying sorry for things, sorry so much I, I think something that I say sorry for now lately has been I I guess kind of it sounds so grody of me to say, but sometimes my attitude and I'm not Not like as an I'm bratty or anything like that, but it's something that's probably came with the new life that I'm living. Mm-hmm is that I just I feel like I don't, I don't put up with it, the shit that I used to as yeah you know, and it might come off a little wrong, and I've caught myself like, oh, that that was ugly, you know.
Speaker 1:So I would have to say like that, my, my attitude or my behavior towards things like to, where I'm not necessarily sticking my nose up at something and just being like shoot, like shooting that away, but it's just like I Don't, I don't want to say sorry so much and I, I truly mean it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm not putting myself in situations that I don't want to be sorry for it.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm. Yeah, so I guess that if that made anything, yeah, absolutely no, it does, because it's like that's that's another thing that came up. Is that like I guess in that same sense, like I was apologizing for something that they didn't think was a big deal. It's like you don't need to apologize for that, but I was like I feel it, like I need to, yeah, and I want to, and so I get that.
Speaker 2:That's like I'm not just saying sorry, like I feel, like I yeah there's something I need to apologize for, right it's not just for the sake of saying it, it's cuz I feel something. And so they were like yeah, you're right, like I don't feel what you're feeling. If you feel you the need to apologize, I accept it. I understand, I hear you. So, yeah, completely, that come makes complete sense.
Speaker 1:I think we just might be. I mean, I know I'm an emotional person and, just like talking to you and knowing a little about you, I feel like we both are emotional and when we feel we feel hard, when we love you up hard, and it's just You're gonna get all this emotion and I'm sorry for that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sorry, not sorry, but even the bad stuff too right. Like I mean good and bad, we feel like to such extents right and and that's another thing that I guess Speaking about like apologizing for the times that my passion or excitement couldn't be matched.
Speaker 2:I feel like that's a more generalized apology that I've been experiencing lately or have been giving lately, but a more specific one. To go off of what you're saying is a time when I blame someone recently or not blame someone, but accuse someone of of being just like everybody else that hurt me, everybody else that lied to me, and so it became like this thing that I was digging into every statement that they were saying, like where's the lie? And trying to uncover Whatever, but then I had to stop and say I'm sorry, I'm Bleeding on someone who didn't cut me right, like it's because I feel so heavily right now I it's not that there's Baggage I haven't dealt with or things that I'm still carrying around a resentment I'm carrying around because I like to think that you know those things are detrimental to To living the life we want to live right.
Speaker 1:So I try to always do away with those things, but it's just that I feel and I'm just being being careful, you know right, and then that I feel like everyone can benefit from being a little bit more careful, because it's not it's not just like how would you say, like simmering yourself down, but it's also like just being careful of not pushing your buttons to push anybody's buttons, or anything like that.
Speaker 2:You know, yeah, and a lot of people like careful, like a lot of people look, look down on that, like living a careful life, but I don't necessarily think that it's just like it's because, you know, I've done the wrong thing in the past and I'm just being careful about not doing it again, being careful about being better.
Speaker 1:Right and like the words you used before, I feel like that was very cautious. When you say cautious, it's like yeah, that works, that's right. Right, we're on this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I guess it almost feels like when someone's being careful, they're not living life to the fullest, they're not getting the full experience of life, but it's like, no, I still am, I'm having a great time. Word, word.
Speaker 1:Because that's what I'm not mean. I still go, I'll. I'm just careful now with what I do, but I'm still living my life to the fullest.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's nothing that's going to hold me back, and I know what did hold me back was my alcohol consumption, and now I'm being careful with it. Yeah, because I want to be careful and I want to seem that like I'm I'm handling things better than what I used to. Yeah, you know, I still have this happy go lucky attitude. I still gravitate towards everything in life, but I'm I'm careful not to let that side come back, and I know what triggers it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I see you the same as I did before and I mean like, yeah, sometimes we were hanging out and we were drinking, but it's like it's still Christian we were drinking.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, thank you, I love that and that's what I'm saying. That's what also gives me the motivation to keep going. It's my friends, my loved ones, everyone just commending me for it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I've been asking myself recently is like in, those tough times are in in? Like it's like I'm being too hard on myself for being something I didn't want to be, or whatever. It's like that's all in the past, like that's that's all done. Now we're here right now. Who are you going to be?
Speaker 1:Word. So it's good, it's a good thing to reflect on.
Speaker 2:What? What holds the most weight for you right now? What's got your focus? What are you working towards? What's like the essence of your day right now?
Speaker 1:The essence of my day is, honestly, the I don't want to sound repetitive, but the impact of not drinking has like drove, like a new health inside me. I mean for most people that do know I have colitis and, honestly, since I've stopped drinking, not a worry in the world.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's been so amazing to wake up every single day without any stomach issue with, without anything like that, and it's helped with my, my working out, which I feel like that is honestly where what, what holds the most right now is giving my all every single day in any type of exercise form. Like you know, monday through Friday, I'm in that gym and I and I give it my all. Like you know, I work, I work, I work the hell out. I love, I love to, and then on weekends, I like to just be able to do something that gets me outside or moves my body because I feel so good. I feel I feel great. And just my health honestly, my mental health and my physical health is what has got me by the choke hold and I'm so I get so upset with myself for not taking it as serious as before.
Speaker 1:I mean, I always, I always like, would try to be like a someone that would support it and promote it like mental health is and be a healthy person, which I have been majority of my life, but since being sober and not drinking, it's been like I've accelerated so so much and I love seeing my progress. I love feeling so good, like I feel, I feel clean. Yeah you know, it's amazing.
Speaker 1:Yeah to know that my brain does not have any alcohol in it, and and all in just every little thing that I've learned with this app that I check into every day that gives you facts like so and so day, so and so.
Speaker 1:This is what's happening to your body, and oh wow, yeah it's it's amazing, like I, I look forward to every single day and I love the way I feel and I love the way I I have an outlook on life now. Yeah, I used to say well, I still say it like I, I live life with clarity now, like I, like I never had before, I can see things. I can see things differently now and it is amazing. It's just so clear, and I don't when I say it out loud and like this is fucking makes it, but it's, it's what I truly feel, like I've.
Speaker 2:Clarity means something to me now and it's been amazing to just wake up every day knowing that yeah, I feel like sometimes I talk too much about like working out or like maybe I'm just kind of putting a spotlight on working out and I talked about this before that people just know me as the workout guy or the guy that's outside working out or posting workout stuff.
Speaker 2:No, yeah, and it is, and I don't want to take anything away from it, but I feel like not a lot of people understand that because of how hard we go and and like how intentional we are about it and how it makes us feel like we feel like we can tackle whatever else the day has to hold, like just the things that would hold me down or keep me in bed in the morning, I don't want to face the world. Those things like working out gets me out of bed. The excitement to work out gets me out of bed, and then that's my armor that I put on right. When it to like face, like the tough stuff or the emotional things, it's like I'm good, I'm going to be alright yeah, I feel you, though because you don't.
Speaker 1:You don't like you feel so strongly about it, and sometimes you feel like you're that's all you talk about, or?
Speaker 1:that's all I hundred percent. And that's another thing that we probably feel like oh, we say sorry for too much. Yeah, sometimes I feel that way too, with like when I'm constantly talking about, oh, I'm not drinking, or this has done this for that for me, with with not drinking. But I can also say that I probably don't go as hard as you because you know, I remember living across the street at the end of the window and be like damn no, I'm.
Speaker 2:You would post your workouts on stuff and be like damn, look at her and I'm. I need to get back in the gym.
Speaker 1:I love that we can have that with each other. But I'm totally, 100% understand what you're saying, because sometimes it does make you feel like am I doing too much or is? This so yeah, and that's hard I, but I'm glad that we we're allowed to have those thoughts and we're allowed to have those feelings, but as long as we know that I didn't kill in us like, yeah, we could be promoting and talking about way, way, way, way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, and like the same thing. Like I talk about certain things too much, I'm like, oh, don't talk about that too much, but like people. I mean I guess maybe there's one out of ten people that may get annoyed with it, but it's like that person shouldn't be in your circle anyway word yeah who cares what people think?
Speaker 1:yeah because if they're in your circle, they like, they know you and that that's. They're in your circle because of you.
Speaker 2:That and if and if we are talking about so much like yeah, right, you know, yeah, be like okay, whatever okay, yeah, no, and I think it's like it very important, like to be that for them to like the times that they're talking about something too much or whatever it's like that's totally fine, like I've come to expect it. I'm here to be your sounding board, like I'll get sometimes. I'll just listen, sometimes I'll give you some advice if I can, if that's what you're looking for. Yeah, you know, and I think I I always try to be intentional about the upkeep of your circle, checking in if we haven't heard, like I. There's plenty of friends that I go like days without speaking to, and it's fine, right, and it's a mutual thing, it's fine, we'll catch up when we catch up and be like no time has even passed, but it's still important to like check up on them and and when they're calling you like answer, even if you only have a couple of minutes, is being intentional about the relationships that we keep.
Speaker 1:I feel blessed that we have that, yeah, and, and our lives, because I mean someone loves you that much enough to check in and I love someone enough to check in with them, and it's just beautiful through and through yeah, what?
Speaker 2:what do you think is the biggest thing that your romantic relationship has taught you so far?
Speaker 1:has taught me so far, oh man, to unconditionally love like you never have. And I felt so, so, so grateful and lucky and blessed to be in this relationship that I am in right now, because not only has he been there for the worst Christian, but he's been so supportive and me finding this new, better Christian and it honestly brings so much tears to my eyes and just so like much love and happiness because I I know, I know I've had like people that have loved me and like my friends and stuff like that, but the unconditional love that Travis gives me, it's just, it's unreal and I can't thank him enough for always being there for me and wanting the best for me. I'm in a relationship I feel like no one has ever had my back 100%, like the way he does and his support, and it's just, it's unreal honestly. Yeah, we've been through the motherfucking ups and downs to get me wrong, but I mean, who hasn't?
Speaker 1:but I mean to overcome everything and For us to still have each other the way that we do and the bond that we have. Like we, I remember Whenever we go out with people that will be like Kristen and Travis have their own fucking language.
Speaker 2:And we do.
Speaker 1:It's just it's just, it's some chemistry that I Don't even I hope. I hope everyone finds that.
Speaker 2:I I'm not going to tell you this, I see it when I know a hundred percent. I see it when we're out watching the game we were at Woodrow's and then you would say something and he'd be so responsive, like an instinct, you know, responding to you or being open to what you were saying. And you would be too. You were, you were cognizant of where he was and it was like even the times that you weren't talking to each other, it was like your body language was talking to each other and it's that chemistry, that like yeah, we all hope to find that.
Speaker 1:I love hearing that, though, because it's it's not. I mean, it is reassuring, because I do feel that that what we have within each other is exactly that, but it just means so much that it's seen from the outside too. Yeah because I I love that my friends know that about me and him.
Speaker 2:That's amazing, yeah, and it's. It's reassuring for me too to see it, because this journey that you're on is is such a Such an undertaking, you know, for anybody, you know, I said even anybody just thinking about doing that or thinking about changing their life In such a drastic way. You know, going from one thing to the next is such a big undertaking. Anything mental, spiritual, like that, right, and I feel like that takes a lot of focus and a lot of self-awareness, and For me it's reassuring to see you and him together in that way because it can exist, you and yourself Relationship can exist with your, your partner relationship at the same time, and I've always felt like the way that it's been for me in the past is that those things are very much separate. You know, the relationship needs all your focus.
Speaker 2:Yeah and like these kind of things get put on hold until everything's okay within the relationship. Yes, and, like I said, yeah, that's very reassuring for me to see that you know those things. There can be a balance.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, and it took a while to to feel that and to understand it. And I mean, you hit it right on the head with that, like because I used to think the same way, like I Wouldn't be able to focus 100% on what I really needed to be like and within myself, because I just everything needed to be perfect in this relationship. Yeah but and and that it's yeah.
Speaker 2:And and maybe it's a Maybe it speaks to the relationships we were in and maybe why they didn't work is because we felt like triggered all the time, or we felt like we had to fix something within the relationship all the time. It's like I mean I understand that like, like you said, everybody has their ups and downs, everybody has their things to work on in a relationship. I mean because it's two different personalities, two different people coming together. But I mean maybe it speaks to those relationships that they didn't work for a reason we were trying to Fix it.
Speaker 1:All the timers just be like so careful with it, like you know living, loving should be easy and has its hard moments that overall should just be easy. Yeah and it feels. It feels that way now.
Speaker 2:What do you think is, what do you think is one thing you do to take care of it?
Speaker 1:keep myself grounded, honestly, to, to not let myself get distracted with anything else besides seeing the bigger picture Honestly and I'm able to do that Clearly now, like I said, with that clarity that I have and unfortunately that's what drinking had on me. It had me held back a lot With just even like the smallest, the smallest thing. I could just not be thinking as clear, even if I wasn't drinking. At that specific moment I thought, oh, I'm hitting a speed bump, I'm, I know I'm gonna drink about this later.
Speaker 2:Oh, now.
Speaker 1:I'm not held back by that and my feet are on the ground. My head is held up high and I I just look for the bigger picture.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sometimes we can hyper focus on these minute things, that we allow it to take over our world when we don't have that clarity. Yeah, and it jeopardizes everything, not just relationships, but our future and the life we want to live.
Speaker 1:Things like that and once one thing starts going it, you can see how fast it can Trickle into every other aspect of your life.
Speaker 2:Yeah uh-huh. Yeah, and I think that's a big driving force and whenever you make changes for the better, when you see one little bit of progress, it's like, oh, I want this feeling.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so give me more, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:What would you say is something you're challenging yourself on now? Given this, you know this clarity that you have, because I think we can all benefit from being challenged. I think our partners and our friends and our Family even can challenge us in certain ways. To look at ourselves in the mirror, right, they turn the mirror on us and challenges. How are you challenging yourself?
Speaker 1:I challenge myself daily with with my discipline, and, and it is very challenging because there are some days that I I feel like I would be so much easier to stay in bed and let my mental strength Fall just a little bit because it might be easier. But the discipline that I find myself gaining every single day is what keeps me going to the challenge that I've put on myself to be the best person I can be, to myself, to, to my relationship, to my friends, to my family, to my dog.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, absolutely, you know, because I mean sometimes I would see him have to go through the.
Speaker 1:The struggle was me if my mom was just in a horrible, horrible mindset and just not in it and he would be second bed all day with me. Granite, he loves that ship it. Just it's not fair to myself and all the others that I listed to to bring them down with me, because I feel like it's very contagious. Since working out I mean, I've always worked out but since it's been so different for me since I've quit drinking and I've been living such a more healthier lifestyle, I feel like it is contagious. I've got my mom doing it every single day now when she used to not I have I mean, travis, it's a gem way more than he used to before.
Speaker 1:All this should happen and, like yourself and me, I feel like that's something that we take pride in, that we want to. We want to bring everyone up with us. Like I love to see myself doing good, I'd love to see someone else doing better and I want to see the rise within everybody around me. And it's honestly a discipline that I've founded myself here lately. That challenges me to keep going at it and not to fall back and in that dark hole that is so easily to get back into like it is. So it's so easy to, it's a lot harder to keep going in the route that a healthy mindset, body is going towards, but to me it's worth it. It's worth to go through that struggle because it without struggle there ain't no strength.
Speaker 2:Baby, yeah, absolutely I used to have such a hard time with people doing better than me and I mean, no one's better than anybody else, right? Not one person is better than any other person but it's like watching other people succeed and have these achievements. And what was always a hard thing for me and I think it was yeah, I think it was because there was a storm going on with me that I wasn't dealing with, and so now I'm able to, like I know myself a little bit better now and I'm aware of what's going on in here and how to handle it. And now I love seeing other people achieving things and heck, yeah, do it and show me. And like I want a route for you and I want to be in your corner and I want to see that so that you know I can open myself to you, motivating me and then me in turn being like what can I do? What am I made of? And I've seen how that radiates. You know, when you radiate that energy, other people want to do good and they radiate that back to you, right?
Speaker 2:And I've always been very hard on myself and I've always been a perfectionist, and I've learned that the I mean not necessarily that there shouldn't be discipline, or that you shouldn't strive to be consistent and structured, but that to be so hard on you to the extent that you're bringing down others or that you can't enjoy yourself around others has taught me one of the biggest lessons in life, and it's allowed me to see when other people are maybe being hard on themselves in that way and now it's like, maybe what are they going through? How can I help them? I'm not saying that I have the answer, but like what can I do to help them find the answer within themselves? Or something like that.
Speaker 1:Yes, like what, I forget how it went, but it's like just even you don't even know, like if you're not even going to solve their problem, what you shouldn't, they should always do it themselves. But sometimes just even listening, just letting someone just get it off their chest, you know, just a simple vent, you know. So I totally understand that. 100.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've always said that too. Like you know, you're not responsible for anybody else's problems, but you can be there to listen and help them through it, and I think that's one of the best things we can do when it comes to like leaving somebody better than you found them right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, to be able to just want to know what's going on and to not necessarily solve their problem. But hey, what can we do to like to make it better, to make you feel good, to get you going in the right path that can get you to solve whatever issue you've got going on? You know, and not, the world needs more of that shit. They really do. They need more kindness.
Speaker 2:We're all struggling with something, we're all going through something, or even if we haven't been through the exact same thing, we've all been through something similar and we, you know, maybe we have some tips or tricks on how to just get through the day, and sometimes that's more than enough.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's something that I enjoy within myself is like to give. Like you know what I would do if I'm in this situation. You know like it might not help you, but hey, it's not going to hurt you to try.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:To ABC or D, you know just that's what I find usually helping me and picking myself up. Give it a try, see how it goes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've always struggled with that too, because I'm trying to spread a good message here and I'm trying to be motivational and, you know, share things that I've went through, so maybe someone can have some insight, right, yeah, but I've always been cautious about where's the fine line between what's too much and or what's not enough, or what's my place to say something or not, and I I guess I don't know if I say something and someone didn't want to hear it. Well then, at least I tried.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:What would you say was your last checkpoint? And I like to call them checkpoints because in the times in life where you either have to stop yourself or you're forced to stop and check in with yourself and be like what do I need to do, who am I, what have I overcome that kind of thing? Just a checkpoint, right, we're still going. Just a checkpoint. What would you say was your last checkpoint?
Speaker 1:I have a lot of those, so I don't know what a specific one would be, but I do catch myself doing the whole. Okay, fucking stop, think before you speak and not respond, or react or do something that old Kristin would do, that she would end up fucking apologizing for.
Speaker 1:You know, and I honestly, I think clear and I think a lot harder, and it's it's been impressing myself lately to have those little checkpoints, like because I'll, I'll step back and be like that's negative, that's not, that's not beneficial at all, like what is that going to help us? Just in some ways, being a bitch or that's the attitude coming out or creeping, and so to stop and really analyze what's going on has been so.
Speaker 1:It's been monumental for me to be able to really be in the moment, with what's going on, and to think more clearly before, before reacting, saying or anything like that, responding to anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that shows true growth and I think, like being able to I always say, like that inner voice, like sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, but being able to be, like have a conversation with it even in that in the moment when things are happening.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, because I'm a total ass weirdo. I'll be like full blown conversations back and forth with myself, me too. And it's it's so it works. Yeah, it's helpful. Yeah it really is, because there's been times where I've been like, oh, if I would have said that, like I would have felt sorry for it later on and it would have not been taken the way I probably wanted it to be taken, or, you know, you misheard me, or something like that. So to be able to have that now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and like the way that we feel things so heavily, maybe it would have been one of those things that kind of just snowballed into something bigger.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because then I would have been over apologizing for that and then trying to explain myself even more when I'm still talking about the same thing.
Speaker 2:I've done that so many times. I've dug myself into a bigger hole or made myself look like a bigger weirdo and I'm like just stop just stop.
Speaker 1:Can we please forget what just happened?
Speaker 2:Just forget it all.
Speaker 1:Yes, and you know, talking about this, it brings up like here, like I think it was, I think it was Monday I was reading through my old journal, like because I love to journal, I love to write down shit like you know, kind of like a diary Same, and the growth I see in myself now to compare to what Ms Sadzap used to write, and I'm like, oh, my god, you really needed this change and I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful that I went through what I needed to and that I was a little shithead, because I would have not felt the way I do now. Yeah, at all.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I recommend everyone go and do that. If you have some old journal entries, go and read that shit and just see the progress.
Speaker 2:So I've journaled a lot of journal for years too, and I used to make that my rule not to read back. But now I'm like maybe I broke the rule a couple of times and I'm like this has been official, because this is not. This is not who you want to be anymore.
Speaker 1:I think I was in tears by the end of it. I was like, oh my god, who was she? But I mean, that's sometimes what we need, and it's maybe not for everyone, but it, yeah, it helps me out, because I was like, god, lee, I'm so glad I'm not that person anymore.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and even looking at it, it's like good to give yourself credit. It's like I'm not that person anymore. I recognize how much growth there is and how I'm kind of more grounded, like you said, like staying grounded within whatever it is. Yeah, and you can give yourself the credit you deserve. I always say that like I don't think we give ourselves enough credit, like I don't think society lets us give us, give ourselves enough credit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Because you'll be looked at like just so differently, you know, because it's kind of looked down upon for someone to have that self gratification and like, fuck, we need this. If we want to give it to someone else, we didn't. We need to give it to ourselves before anything.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:So I'd really like to get your thought on this. So the last time that I had a checkpoint was a couple of I think it's been a couple of months now at this point. But so I went through a pretty tough breakup at the beginning of the year and it's nothing like a good old breakup to Put you in your place, right Like, and you know, really force you to show yourself who you are, who you're gonna be right, and I feel like I've taken a lot of time to do that and to prove to myself who I, who I've always thought I was right. And so I got to a great point and always, like the way it always happens, when you're not thinking about that X anymore, there comes that notification on your phone hey, how are you?
Speaker 2:And that was a big checkpoint for me because it made me look at, well, what have you really been doing this whole year? How, how well have you been taking care of yourself? And it really sent me into a tailspin and and it allowed me to see how much I've overcome and how much just that whole situation and how much I was left behind, and it's like that's not okay, like Donovan would never put up with that. Donovan would never want that for himself. And and yeah, long story short I didn't end up texting back. I didn't feel like I had no.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I didn't. I didn't feel like I had anything to say. Yeah, like, and I mean I'm sure there was, I mean I'm well, I don't know. I would say I'm sure there wasn't any mal intent From their side, but you never know, it just might be a selfish thing or whatever.
Speaker 1:You're gonna give it the time of day to go back and see what it what it was gonna be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, and you know I, I just looked at that whole saying sorry too much and that whole feeling too much put me in the place where I was like, should I be the nice guy? Should I be the bigger person? Should I just? You know All they're just reaching out seeing how I am? Should I just say I'm good? How ask how they are? Is it bad? Like yeah am I gonna be the bad guy if I don't Ask how they are?
Speaker 1:just everything, and I'm putting yourself in a whirlwind when that's not fair. Yeah, yeah, not fair so good that you realize that and you know it takes. It takes a lot for someone to not go back and and to even just say hi or hey, or like how? Because it you're not doing yourself any favors, especially whenever you've put so much into something and nothing was given back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I felt like you were torn in so many different places and into pieces. So I mean, could I see, because it is, it's a very hard thing to do to just leave it as is gone that long without being Without each other, without having any contact. Gotta keep it going sometimes you know, have to and that's very hard to do sometimes, but you know you're a strong son of a bitch and for you to realize that you had lost yourself, that's finding yourself right there whenever you made that decision and you stayed with it.
Speaker 2:I think that's what I'm looking to express, the point I'm trying to make yeah.
Speaker 2:Is that like I'm not trying to be like, oh, I didn't text back, so I, like you know, like I'm, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm cool, you know, like I didn't do the bad thing. It's just that, like I checked in with myself and I Told myself what we are and aren't gonna accept anymore. And I told myself you're not a bad guy if you don't respond. Like you're not the bad guy in the situation.
Speaker 2:And I battled with what if I come across as unable to forgive and move on? Or what if I look bitter and they get to tell a false narrative that I'm incapable of being mature or of letting go. And I had to stop and remind myself that Me choosing not to respond and not to revisit what hurt me was about no one else but me. And I also had to remind myself that my decision was what ultimately made my inner child feel safe and not go into survival mode. So that checkpoint was so rewarding to me and, honestly, it just came down to like I have nothing to say. I I didn't have any Desire to reach out. So just because you did doesn't necessarily mean I have to and I say that to to really Make the point that, like You're stronger than you think you are and when it, when you put yourself first and whenever you take into account what you need, what your needs are and whether they're being met or not met, in whatever situation, whatever relationship Like.
Speaker 1:When you put that first, then then you give yourself the space to to be who you're meant to be 100%, because it benefited you more than Anything to not say anything and put yourself back into that position yeah, then saying the slightest, like hey, or how have you been? Or anything like that. Because, well, honestly, how could that have been beneficial to you? Because of how the progress that you made, the check-in that you had with yourself to know that it there, you're not losing anything, you, you've built yourself back up From all that time and all that hurt. So I mean, that's, that's nothing, nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1:All you can do is just be proud of that decision and move forward with it and keep your head high, and that's that's a thing that I think people struggle with a lot, because they always want to be Somewhat of a people pleaser or just wanting just to Be the nice guy? Yeah, when you're not looking out for yourself first and that's another thing with being grounded and knowing within yourself what you've got to fucking do for you.
Speaker 2:Any closing thoughts or Statements or anything you want to leave, leave on.
Speaker 1:I just keep thinking back Of how much happier I am and I know it happens within everyone too whenever they really get to put their feet on the ground one at a time, and feel because you can. You can live every single day but not feel like yourself, and it's it's been something that I I resonate a lot with, with being grounded and looking At the bigger picture and what is what is best for me. What's best for me could be different from anyone else, but as long as anybody has that self-regulation within themselves, I feel like that is more powerful than anything in this world. Money can't buy that any like absolutely.
Speaker 1:I, just I want everyone to be happy. I want everyone to be happy with themselves. Truly, everyone can live this happy ass, live and, and. When the screens go off, when the pictures get done, taken whenever you lay down in bed, are you really, really happy? Yeah are you satisfied with what you gave that day?
Speaker 2:And even if we're laying down at night and we don't feel happy with ourselves and we're not satisfied like, what are we going to do tomorrow? To?
Speaker 1:get there.
Speaker 2:What step can we take tomorrow to get there?
Speaker 1:And I'm right there with you, because Routine is everything and it might be a hard thing. I mean it is. It is a fucking hard thing to do and to get settled with, but I had having an adding structure to my fucking life has been Outstanding. It's helped. It's helped me feel that way that I just spoke about, with being in tune with myself, because With my routine and me being so structured structured it's like I feel sometimes unstoppable. Yeah, and that productive feeling of getting shit done and getting shit done with yourself.
Speaker 2:It's Can't beat that and I know it sounds boring and I know people may think of routine as boring same thing over and over every day. But like no, it's not it's, it's moving forward.
Speaker 1:It is. It is moving forward and it's in the best direction. Yeah and and what's better than being in the best fucking direction? And I think it's top year.