Don-ations
Don-ations is the place you come to when you want to slow down and make sense of it all. It’s for the overthinkers, the feel-everythings, and anyone trying to grow without losing who they are. Some weeks it’s just me, other times I’m joined by friends who bring their own stories and perspectives. Together, we dive into the moments of love, healing, friendship, identity, and the messy middle of growing, and turn them into reminders that you’re not behind, you’re just becoming. I’m not here to fix you. I’m here to think it through with you.
Don-ations
Don-sessions: From Trauma to Triumph & Insecurity to Intention feat. Derrick
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This episode is a heart-to-heart on the beauty of human imperfection and the impact our past experiences have on the connections we forge today. Derek's insights help to illuminate the path to finding joy in the everyday, and how to fill our own cups so that we can pour into others without running dry. Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
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Embrace Growth and Self-Discovery
Speaker 1We beat ourselves up a lot of the times over things that I personally feel like we shouldn't necessarily beat ourselves up about . We can definitely want better for ourselves or hold ourselves more accountable to things , but again , we still have to have that grace and compassion with ourselves and understand hey , we are human .
Speaker 2What's up , guys ? It's Donovan , your host of donations , and I'm on a mission to shine a light on healing and self-awareness and the fact that we're all on this journey together , figuring it out one step , one cry and one laugh at a time . Here at donations , we celebrate the good and we don't shy away from facing the bad . We embrace and welcome all of it to become exactly who we're meant to be . Today's episode is about fighting back when insecurities try to start trouble , embracing the ways trauma influences our relationships and finding the motivation to take the first step towards your dream life , regardless of whatever fear you might have . My good friend , derek Jernigan , is such a motivating , humble and positive light , and donations has been lucky enough to have him join today's conversation , and what Derek provided is such a genuine and positive point of view on tackling life with purpose . I'm so glad you're here , I'm so glad you joined us , and I hope this episode is everything you need it to be . Let's get into it . Where are you going ? Houston , houston , what's in Houston ?
Speaker 1Friends got some family out that way . So yeah , just get to go spend some time and just cut loose and enjoy life , man . Yeah , yes , 30th birthday coming up , 30th birthday .
Speaker 1Yes , do you know what the putter is ? No , okay , so they have one in Dallas as well , but it's pretty much like an adult miniature golf . Okay , they have , like I want to say , like five or six different little courses that you can do , but each course has its own like bar with signature drinks . Oh , wow , and so we'll go and do that . We're talking about going rollerblading after seeing the halftime show .
Speaker 1Oh yeah , everybody wants to go rollerblading now , yeah let's do it and just some of the food places down there that I enjoy . I'm gonna just , like I said , just spend time with some friends out there that I haven't got to really see since , like last year . That's cool , so I'm like it'll be a good time .
Speaker 2Yeah , and you're good to see some family too .
Speaker 1Yes , yes .
Speaker 2That's always good .
Speaker 1So it'll be . It'll be a nice time .
Speaker 2Does it feel different ?
Speaker 1turning 30 ? I don't know if it feels different , like I feel , like it should feel different , but I don't know . I still feel like I'm like this 18 year old kid in a way .
Speaker 2Yeah , I still feel like I'm some little kid . I think I expected 30 to feel different . So I like , made it feel different , made it like a bigger deal , it's still a milestone , so yeah .
Speaker 1I think that's what it is , more so than like feeling different . It's like , hey , this is a whole different chapter . You know , if I let it be .
Speaker 2I have a friend who's a couple years younger than me and when she turned 30 , I wanted to make it a point to say the grass is greener on this side , don't be scared of it .
Speaker 1Yes , yes .
Speaker 2But I mean , grass is green wherever you water it , right ? You know , one of the first conversations we had , we talked about what our work schedule looked like and the kind of things we did for work and what our career looked like , and I remember it wasn't ideal for you and what kind of what you wanted to do , and so you went about taking steps to changing your life and making it what you want it to be . What do you think is the motivation behind that , or what kind of drove you Honestly , the only motivation would be happiness .
Speaker 1Like you said , I just kind of had a weird work schedule . I wasn't able to spend time outside of work . I didn't have a home life , it was just work , sleep , work . And that's not a way to live , at least not in my eyes . Yeah , because I mean I want to have something outside of that going on to really enjoy being me . Yeah , I'm able to do all the stuff I want to do and not feel like I got to give more energy to work or I got to give . You know , I come home from work and I got to open my laptop and work on this for hours after being at work all day . So I wanted a balance .
Speaker 2Yeah
Journey to Self-Discovery and Growth
Speaker 2, absolutely . I think a lot of people in general crave that , crave that balance , but don't know how to go about getting to the space where things are balanced out . I think sometimes we feel like , well , this is the only choice we have , we have to do this and we have to provide for our family . This is the only way that I can do that and granted like , yes , there is , you know , kind of that driving force of being a provider sometimes , or providing for yourself or for others Always . But I think sometimes the fear of not knowing what to expect , stepping out of that box , keeps us in that box . Yeah , so I give you a major promise for doing that .
Speaker 1I think One thing . I always ask my friends when they talk about being a provider . I'm like what exactly are you providing ? Are you only providing financial stability , or are you providing that love , that happiness , that energy , that consistency that it takes to make all the things work ? Yeah , so it's for me . I guess that was a big perspective change was hey , yeah , I want to be a provider , I want to . You know this job may make me all the money I want , but you know , when it , when the time does come for me to have a family , am I a happy dad ? Or , you know , a happy husband ? Am I ? Am I truly happy as well , to where I can pour that love and happiness into my family and friends and those around me ? It's a big difference .
Speaker 2Yeah , it is , I think we think , provider . You just think financially , yes , and there's some . I think there's so much more to providing providing that feeling like you're safe around somebody , feeling like you can go to somebody to express yourself or express whatever emotional turmoil you're going through . You know , being that kind of provider , yes , yes . With that being said , I'm glad to see that you know it's going good . At least from what I can see . It seems that things are going good with this change and you've kind of hit the ground running , it seems like Definitely hit the ground running Like you were talking about the fear of not knowing what's on the other side .
Speaker 1I guess you just get to a point eventually where the fear can't be any worse than not having what I want . So at least , if I try it and it doesn't work , I can always go back . But if I don't try and I never get the things I want , I stood in my own way this whole time .
Speaker 2Yeah , sometimes we feel like all that we have now is worth a whole lot more than not going after . I guess the like that we truly want it's like , well , I'm kind of safe here , I'm kind of I've built a nice little nest stake here and I shouldn't risk that . Yes , I think there are times to take risks and times not to , but I mean that's an interesting perspective to look at , like I mean I have all these things , but does it really feel like losing if I didn't go after what I wanted to go after ?
Speaker 1Definitely .
Speaker 2I know it's barely like the middle of February , but it still feels like the beginning of the year for me , I guess , for me at least , I'm barely finding my footing this year . I barely am writing out 2024 without accidentally putting the three . What are you looking forward to most this year ?
Speaker 1You're working towards I would say well one like we were talking about just taking that jump into a new career . I did that at kind of the end of the year , but leading into this year I've really .
Speaker 1I started out with one insurance license , got my second one at the beginning of the year got my notary to be , or got my commission to be , a notary . Excuse me , I'm starting to see how taking that chance is starting to build . I'm really excited to see three , six months from now . Like , hey , what else can I accomplish in this time if I really push forward and go for it ?
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1I'm excited about that .
Speaker 2I'm excited about turning 30 and what that looks like for me and really just a new chapter of life and I guess , like I said , pouring more into myself and loving myself a little bit more and getting everything that I've wanted , yeah , I get that 100% , because that's what I'm looking forward to most as well building upon what I did in the past year , because I was really super proud of what I was able to do , not just in my physical space , but mentally and spiritually , and , like you said , pouring back into myself .
Speaker 2I think I feel like I poured into myself the most last year and I really fell in love with myself , and I don't mean for that to sound conceited or anything , oh , not at all , not at all . I'm pretty proud of myself , you know , and so I want to continue to build on top of that over this new year , and I think finding that kind of grace within myself and for myself has given me more than I could ask for . And it's not just about materialistic things , it's about how you feel when you re-wake up in the morning , and that's what I want to build upon . And I think about what life will look like at the end of this year , at least what I want it to look like at the end of this year . What does that look like for ?
Speaker 1you . I know the groundwork , like I said that I've done for now , but I ultimately don't know what I want this to look like at this moment . And that's fine as long as I or at least I feel like . It's fine as long as I'm still pushing and growing in some aspect , because one day I'm going to look up and God's going to be like hey , this is what you want , and it's going to be kind of like that light bulb moment . Oh dang , how did I not see this ? And so right now may not be the time for it to be revealed to me , but as long as I'm growing and getting to a place where I'm truly happy with myself , I'm happy with life , I feel like everything is going to come into fruition like it should .
Growth in Chaos and Routine
Speaker 2I think it's that possibility to still be surprised . You're moving forward , you feel like you're going in the right direction , but you don't know where it leads to or what maybe the next checkpoint is . It's that hunger to be surprised rather than that fear .
Speaker 1I mean , that has to be the thing that drives you , because if you're so focused on the fear , you'll never get more than what you have at this moment . So if there's an aspect of life that I'm not happy with or something that I don't like about myself , or whatever , if I'm so scared of what's going to happen next to where I don't make a move , I'm going to be stuck in this . There's an old saying that my parents used to tell me is if you excuse my language , but if you sit in shit for too long , it stops smelling . So it's like if I'm not enjoying life or I'm not where I want to be , I can't be scared of what may go wrong , because I'm already in a place that I didn't necessarily want to be . So why not take the step forward ?
Speaker 2Yeah , you know I've never heard that saying before , but I'm going to hold on to it for a while . I feel like you make changes in your life because you want better and you want to feel better , and soon enough , those changes start to become what you're accustomed to . Sure , those changes brought about good things and beneficial things for you mentally , physically , spiritually all those things right . But then they start to become the new norm and maybe there comes a time where you have to push yourself even further If you want to continue to evolve .
Speaker 2It can't just be the same thing over and over , the same thing every day , right ? And I think one of the things I'm battling with now is that I recognize that I've come a long way and , like I mentioned , this past year was great for me and I poured into myself . But how can I do that even more ? And I think I'm , in a sense , being forced to ask myself that question , because I have been growing accustomed to those same things , right , yeah , yeah , they were great for me at one point and they were very beneficial and brought about great things , but now it's time for more . It's like what's the next level ? How can you continue ? Because I don't want to become complacent and things like that , and that provides me with some great perspective . It's like if you're going to sit there , it's going to feel like you're going to grow too accustomed to it .
Speaker 1Yes . And I think it may be this is just my perspective it may be a little bit difficult for you because you are such a creature of routine and so , like pushing yourself , like yes , you can push yourself , but sometimes once you push and then you get to a goal , it's like oh dang . So this is the routine I need to start to establish .
Speaker 1But like you said you don't want to get too stagnant on that routine , to where you're not getting to really grow . I mean , I still see that in you . I still see that push and growth , and I mean even just the regular conversations you and I have had . There's moments where we'll talk about something and I'm like , wow , I never thought about that . So it even forces me to get out of my boxing world a little bit .
Speaker 1So I mean , I think we can appreciate like the routine , because that is something that kind of creates the habit and gets us in , that gets us to that goal , because there's nothing worse than trying to do something new or change something and then you never actually get that going because you can't be disciplined enough to make it stick Right .
Speaker 2Like you said , I'm very much a creature of habit and when I get into a new routine I lean into it hard . But what I'm starting to learn is that the days that throw me off , that that I just can't help but be thrown off of those routines . It's like this guy , in the way you had to go here instead of the time that you set aside to do this , and you had to go here whenever this was meant to happen , whatever , right . Those times that I'm absolutely thrown off , my mental health takes a turn like it turns upside down and it's so hard because I'm like I feel like I'm 10 steps behind and I feel like I've just got to start all over and tomorrow is going to be impossible because , because I lost that time , there was so much space , like one day , right , but for me it feels like there's so much space that I took from that routine and it's that rigidity that gets to me . Right .
Speaker 2I feel like it has to look the same every day . Then it turns into it's a have to instead of a get to . That's one of the troubles I was having this past week is facing how rigid I can get with myself . Sometimes we want to reach goals and it takes consistency and it takes discipline sometimes for most of the time right , but I think whenever you take it to the point where it's unhealthy and where you're like those corners or those edges are too rigid , you're cutting yourself on them . Obviously you need a little bit more space to breathe . That's why I said it's all about balance .
Speaker 1it's about , yes , you can want better for yourself , you can push yourself to grow , but when things don't go the way that you want , and moments where that feels like straight chaos , I guess for me , I focus on hey , even though this feels like this in the moment , I'm still growing , and I'm probably growing 10 times more in this moment of chaos and trying to figure this out than I will in my routine , because Change is gonna make you grow . You're ready for it or not . You're gonna have to grow because you have to be able to adapt to whatever's going on .
Speaker 2Absolutely . Yeah , that gives me even more perspective , I guess , more grace with myself , because when I was thinking about having to readjust , it felt like taking a step back , like taking a couple of pieces out of the equation and simplifying it . But is that really a step back or is , like you said ? Is that growing in that chaos and learning like what's gonna help you continue to move forward , rather than yes , 100% , cut yourself on these rigid edges ? Geez , I'm probably all bruised up , oh man .
Speaker 2This is where I get these bruises from my whole life . I'm telling you .
Speaker 1You know we beat ourselves up a lot of the times over things that I personally feel like we shouldn't necessarily beat ourselves up about . We can definitely want better for ourselves or hold ourselves more accountable to things , but , again , we still have to have that grace and compassion with ourselves and understand hey , we are human and the same love and compassion and energy that we give , you know , our friends and our loved ones when they screw up in our lives , why are we not giving that to ourselves ? Yeah , you know , in those moments where we feel like , dang , I'm not doing as much as I can , or I'm not doing as good as I can , or , you know , this didn't turn out the way I wanted it to , it's like it's okay . Yeah , ["take Five"] .
Managing Self-Doubt and Insecurity Through Reflection
Speaker 1As far as self-doubt and insecurity , I do what I call a take five , and so , whether that's five minutes , five hours or even five days , I'm gonna give myself time to feel what I'm feeling , to understand , cause one thing that I always hated was whenever I was a little bit younger and something would go on , or I would start down myself , or I would feel , you know , the weight of the world . It was always like , hey , just get over it , or hey , just don't think about it . And it's like it doesn't necessarily fix the problem . It doesn't even really acknowledge what the problem is .
Speaker 1So that take five gives me a moment to be clear and be honest with myself and understand hey , what are you feeling ? Like , what's going on ? Like I have crazy anxiety and a lot of my friends don't know it , but it's just cause I don't try to present it . But a lot of the times I do find myself able to control it or to at least not display it as much , because I'm aware of what's going on .
Speaker 1So if I feel , you know , doubt or I feel insecure about something , I mean I'll literally sit in a room by myself and say , derek , what's wrong , what's going on , what's on your mind , and talking to myself the same way that I'm talking to a friend , and it it at least makes me aware of what I'm feeling . Whether that's just I'm just being insecure or doubting myself for no reason , or if , hey , this happened and it's causing you to feel this way , it at least gives me that clarity . And then I guess the tools that I would use to get more in depth with it would be prayer , meditation , journaling . Once I can get those things out and I can actually kind of explain that to myself . It kind of gives me the energy or the motivation to figure out how do we fill up our cup to get past this feeling I'm a bit the same .
Speaker 2I feel like whenever those self-doubts or insecurities come up , they kind of run the show . But I kind of let them .
Speaker 2And I don't mean for that to sound that like you know , I'm throwing myself a pity party or I'm kind of sulking whatnot .
Speaker 2But what's always worked for me in the past that I didn't realize was going on until I got a little bit older , was that I was getting acquainted with those feelings and really letting myself sink into them so that I could understand where they were coming from .
Speaker 2And you mentioned journaling . That was something that I used to do a lot and for the life of me , no matter how many times a day , I put the journal in front of me so that there's like that visual cue , it's just not a thing for me right now and it used to be very beneficial for me and I would banter with like that inner voice and like get all that heavy stuff out right , like set it down at the end of the day and move forward . But luckily I have this and it feels very much like I'm facing these things in these conversations that I have or in these , you know , discussions from having with whoever listens , and it allows me to get acquainted with it . Where is it stemming from ? How can we grow from it ? And I guess the more we get acquainted with them , the more we know how to handle them and get over those kinds of hurdles , I mean even more so with talking to someone .
Speaker 1You get that dialect and so when someone asks you a certain question , it helps kind of pull those things out of you that you may not even know that you're feeling so , like how you were saying you haven't really been filling the journaling
Exploring Self-Reflection and Growth
Speaker 1for me . I have a book that I got a couple of years back that had like 300 writing prompts and so what I'll do is randomly go through and , you know , flick the pages and like cool , I'm gonna stop on this page and I'll look at it and no matter what it is , whether I'm filling that in the moment or whatever , I'll just start writing a little paragraph about it and something in my mind , something in my life , something in my heart will come up and it's like , oh hey , that's something I hadn't addressed yet .
Speaker 2So I think that's the same thing with , like , this discussion here , like yeah , you're right , it does bring up different things and when it even when it comes to journaling I can wanna go one certain place , but then it's like when I really let that guard down , it's like no , it takes a whole nother route and I'm like I didn't wanna go here , I didn't wanna go there , yet I wasn't ready for that .
Speaker 2Oh , man , yeah , and that's been a big lesson of mine too , cause like having to learn how to kind of ride the wave a little bit and speaking of self-doubt and insecurities when those things get the best of me , cause you know , I'm human and it's not always as easy as getting acquainted with them and then learning how to pull the wool over their eyes and then be over it , right , like , sometimes they really do get the best of me and I lean into some bad habits , whether it's indulging a little bit , trying to find comfort in food or sweets or alcohol or any kind of bad habit .
Speaker 2Right , that feels like short-term pleasure , but they wear off and then that ugly feeling comes in .
Speaker 2So it's learning how to take care of myself better and learning to lean into those really brings about a memory .
Speaker 2The other day , my neighbor she wanted me to help her in her shed and pull something down from like the top shelf that was way up there that I had to get on a ladder for , but like it was this high chair , this baby high chair , and you know I pulled it down and we took it inside and she was like telling me about it and how long she had it and you could tell it was , you know , from an older time , but it was very well taken care of and she pointed that out too and she was like yeah , I've had this for so many years and I'm so proud of it , I'm so proud of this little thing .
Speaker 2And hearing her talk about how proud she was of this baby high chair kind of made me think what would life look like 40 , 50 years from now If you can look in the mirror and be like I'm really proud of how well I took care of myself again physically , mentally , spiritually and I think that kind of opened my eyes to like , okay , well , there's a part of you that has to lean into better habits rather than bad habits . When you know , these self-doubts and insecurities get the best of you .
Speaker 1Yeah , love that . So when I think about , like , my past traumas and how they influence you know my relationships , or at least how they used to influence my relationships , there was a time where , like I was an angry little kid because of you know , some of the things that happened in my life , my relationship with my parents and things like that kind of played a big toll on just being mad at the world . And then there got to a point where I did change that and I was like , oh well , this love that I feel like I had never felt I want to give to the world . And so at one point I started to love hard , and when I say love hard , I mean love hard to my own detriment , like I would put everyone before me because I'm like , oh , I know how it feels to not have someone . So I got to love this person extra hard so they never have to feel that .
Navigating Relationships and Self-Improvement
Speaker 1And Although the motive behind it was good in a sense , like it was good that I was loving on people , but , yeah , again I was doing it to my own detriment , to where I was unhappy , my cup wasn't getting filled , I didn't get the things that I needed , and so it took some time but I had to kind of unlearn those bad habits from my past traumas and learn to love myself a little bit more and pretty much prioritize myself .
Speaker 1If I'm not feeling loved or feeling like I'm getting the things that I need to fill my cup , how can I fill up anyone else's cup Also with , like past traumas ? A good part of that is , I guess , seeing some of the things that have gone on in my life that makes a big difference in the kind of people I want around me , because , like you said , we indulge sometimes and do things that we probably shouldn't and be around people that we probably shouldn't . But I learned that , hey , my standard of friendship , my standard of partner that I have , those all are very important and the people that I keep around will ultimately make all the difference and self doubt and those insecurities and those things . Because if I have the right people around me in this season of my life , I know that , hey , when those things do come along , it's that much easier to work past them .
Speaker 2Yeah , really finding those people that make you feel safe when those things come up . I think there's a part of them that when those things are going on in your head or going on inside you , they recognize it and they know how to approach you and how to help you out right . And the same way I'm sure you learn to see that , and others as well , with those really special relationships . And you mentioned also about this anger . You feel being mad at the world . I get that 100% . I feel that too .
Speaker 2There are times when I'm feeling triggered for whatever reason and I'm not sure where it's coming from , and it's like this could either be like that time where you let all this anger out or you show all the love that you have to give right . And it's so hard sometimes to feel like there's still this unresolved anger that you have towards someone or something or being treated a certain way , and it's hard to let go of that , very hard . You know . I think past trauma is something that can really help us if we utilize it the right way , can help us establish the kind of environment we wanna live in and establish those relationships because we've forgiven ourselves and we've forgiven others and we're able to show love and not anger , and forgiveness and not resentment . Oh yeah , and anytime .
Speaker 1I feel myself kind of like thinking about a past trauma or kind of dwelling on it . I guess I've had a friend ask me before like Derek , how can you guarantee that you would be this person that you are right now , as caring as you are , as loving as you are with us , as driven as you are ? How can you guarantee that you would be this person had you not gone through those traumas ? So , even though they were horrible and you never wanna go back to that place , that showed you a part of yourself , what you wanted , what you didn't want , and that played a big part in shaping the man you became , and so that really does help me kind of like okay , hey , this sucks that I went through this , but I'm this Derek because of that .
Speaker 2Yeah , that takes real maturity to look at a situation and choose to feel grateful because of it and find the good in it right , rather than allow it to be this thing . That's just like this monkey on your back for the rest of your life . That is just weighing you down Definitely and speaking about building these strong relationships that pour into our cup .
Speaker 2I think it's important to show up to the same extent that we want others to show up . I want someone to show up for me in these ways , and that's why I think consistency is really important , because I think it's not only enough to , I guess , set the standard , but to also ensure that we're both meeting it when we're in a relationship . We're both meeting it when it comes to a relationship that pours into your cup , pours into my cup .
Speaker 1Yeah , consistency really is key . Yeah , I mean , if you think about it , how you feel when someone does all the great things and then they turn around and they do really horrible things and they're not consistent and how you feel about it like that definitely sets a new light on you know yourself showing up in the same capacity every time .
Self-Discovery and Personal Growth
Speaker 1I think part of that consistency as well is discipline , because in order to have that consistency , you have to be disciplined . And for me , like what discipline is isn't just oh , I gotta do this , I gotta do this . Discipline is really choosing between what you want right now , in this moment , and then what you want long term . So , knowing that I want people that are gonna show up for me on a consistent basis , that are gonna be there , they're gonna love on me , that are gonna help , you know , dig me out of that hole , I make sure that I do those things , even if I'm maybe not feeling 100% up to it , or if someone comes to me with an issue and I'm like it just may not seem like that big of a deal to me , but hey , it's a big deal to you .
Speaker 1So I'm gonna show up and still be disciplined enough to show up , even whenever I feel like , hey , you know I have a different view on it . I'm still gonna push for that consistency because , like you said , I want that same relationship , I want that same energy reciprocated to me . Yeah , why would I not show up ? How can I expect something of someone if I'm not willing to give that ?
Speaker 2Yeah , one of the hardest things about seeing someone be one way and do all like you said , do all the great things and all of a sudden turn around and do bad things are inconsistent .
Speaker 2I think one of the hardest things is that's the kind of thing that , at least for me , that breeds that self doubt and that insecurity and it brings about all this questioning . And it can be hard to bring that kind of questioning to somebody who doesn't understand , I guess , where you're coming from or doesn't see an issue in their inconsistency . And it's like the golden rule , like you know , how can you expect someone to do something to if you're not gonna do it for them as well ? Right , and I think it takes like this real recognition in like , oh , something's going on here , then it's just as important to me as it is to you , and that may take some understanding , like you explaining it to me , helping me understand where you're coming from and so that I can meet you halfway . But I'm here to see that through , right , and I think it's really hard whenever not a lot of people put enough focus on consistency in relationships and how it really is give and take balance .
Speaker 1Yes , definitely .
Speaker 2I'm kind of in a stagnant place and I feel like I need to switch things up or something .
Speaker 1So is it stagnant as in like you just feel stuck or bored , or like ? Is it stagnant as in like you're not hitting a certain goal , that you feel like you ?
Speaker 2should be at . I guess I just don't feel like I'm seeing as much progress as I guess I feel like I should be seeing .
Speaker 1But how are you measuring that ?
Speaker 2That's a good question . I do this thing where I'm like oh , it's already February , february a year ago I was already doing this , and it's not that I'm like trying to do the same thing . It just feels like , oh , by the time February came around last year , I was feeling like I was really moving forward . And that feeling of stagnancy comes from like I guess I want to feel ignited again . So what's going to make you feel ignited ? I don't know . I mean , I guess only I can figure that out right and only I can find that within myself and only I can do that .
Speaker 1Well , you know me , I've always told you to have more grace with yourself , and so part of that is realizing , too , that progression and growth is never linear . It's never going to be a straight . It's always like , I mean , there's going to be times and those dips and turns and curves , and you know all the things that feel like we're dropping and we're not doing as much as we could . Those are the moments where it's like , hey , what am I supposed to be learning or doing in this moment ? Where am I supposed to be putting this attention to help me grow even more ? But you're always going to come back up . Yeah , you're always going to keep growing . I mean , you're a smart person , I mean you have it . You may not think you have it together , but you have it together , dude , I do so . I kid you not . That really has been a big lesson of mine starting over at a new business or starting over at a new business , Whereas at 21 , I was managing a whole business myself .
Speaker 1I was a big , big dog . So it's like if I was to look at it like that , in a sense , I'd be like well dang , Derek , you were doing this , why aren't you running this business ?
Speaker 1that you're at , but then again , at that time I was , like you said , indulging in all the wrong things and partying and didn't have really good people around . I belonged to my job . I was there all the time , whereas now , when I leave at 5.30 , it's 5.30 . I'm done . I can put some time into myself and loving myself and , overall , what I call dating myself .
Speaker 2Yeah , I think you make a good point Like , not that , I guess not that I'm not necessarily dating myself now , but I was putting more effort and intention in learning about myself and I didn't feel like I had to do something or I had to be something . I was like , well , this feels right today , and then this feels right today . It's that rigidity , right , I'm doing it to myself . I was doing this by last February . I should be doing this now and it's like just putting myself in that box right when it's like what do you want to do ?
Speaker 2It's not about what you have to do . It's about what you want to do .
Speaker 1Exactly . Are you finding that happiness ?
Speaker 2Yeah , I mean , I do feel happy and I do feel content , like I'm happy with where I'm at and I feel like I have all the motivation and all the intention to continue moving forward and making progress . Right , you see , like you make a good point with that as well . Progress is not linear and I've even said that before . I don't know where it came from when I said it , but I was like sometimes it's a reassessment , and I think that's what I'm going through now . Is that reassessing what works and what doesn't , and what's going to take me to the next level and what I have to leave behind ? And that's hard , right , when it helped me get here , I have to hold on to everything , right ? Not necessarily . Environments change and seasons change and it's not always going to be the same thing that's going to help you either be planted or bloom in this next season . It's like you got to shed some stuff , right ? Yeah ?
Speaker 1Always , always .
Speaker 2I think that's what I'm doing . I'm trying to hold on to so many things and it's like , no , it's a different season now . Well then , I'll go . Yeah , let it go .
Speaker 1Yeah , honestly , like I said this last year , I've really given myself a lot of space to just go , and I think that's helped me be a lot more happy and feel like , hey , even if I don't know it all , this is where I'm supposed to be .
Speaker 2Yeah , there's plenty of times where we didn't . We felt like we should be doing more , should be somewhere completely different , but it's like no , you're supposed to be here because , because that's where you're at . Yeah , we push and pull at what we think needs to , how things need to look , when it's like , just enjoy the view right now , because it'll change before you know it .
Speaker 1There's this old Italian proverb , but I'm going to send it to you because I don't want to say it , because I'm going to butcher it . Oh OK , but it pretty much in English . It translates to no matter which way you go or turn , you will always end up at home . It's true . No matter where you go in any direction , where you're at is where you're supposed to be in that moment .
Speaker 2Yeah . So I'm going to wake up tomorrow and I'm going to say what do we get to do today ?
Speaker 1Yes .
Speaker 2Rather than what do we have to do today ? I mean , obviously I have to work , right , right . It's like , instead of it being like , what problems do we have to solve today at work , it's like what do we get to do at work today ? That's how I'm going to look at it . I'm going to carry that with me , definitely Moving forward . I thank you for that . Whether you realize you granted me that grace or not , that's something I needed very , very much . I'm glad you're in the space that you're at right now and you've done one certification and then did the next one . It's like OK , what's next ? Like you're excited about what's next , rather than like it has to look this way , has to look a certain way .
Speaker 1Yeah , Well , no , because honestly , that's why I say like you say how like great it is to talk to me about certain stuff and how .
Speaker 1I always like add insight . Like , literally , I'll start listening to an episode and there will be like a thought that's already like in my head I don't know if this is what it is and then you'll start talking and I'm like , damn it , wait , hold up . Like this is changing my perspective a little bit . So it does open my eyes a lot . So I don't know , I feel the need to share that , to let like you know , hey , this is where I took from it . This is my perspective and , like I said , just keeping those people around you that that feel like sunlight , like it's good to have good people around .
Speaker 2I'm going to play a game .
Speaker 1Oh goodness .
Speaker 2So it's , would you rather ? Oh man , it's so funny .
Speaker 1Anyone that knows me knows this game gives me such anxiety , but it's cool .
Speaker 2No , that's good , it does mean to . And I guess it's like how deep do you want to get into this ? Right , Because they could be really simple or they could be really complex . So first one would you rather always have a full phone battery or a full tank of gas ?
Speaker 1Oh , definitely full tank of gas . Same Full tank of gas . Yeah , I'm trying to travel , go everywhere to all the things I mean . Everyone already knows me now . My phone is literally on probably 3% right now . That's just how I live . I have a portable charger with me at all times , so it's OK . Yeah , my phone can die , it's OK . I'm going to live in the moment , I'm going to drive around , I'm going to go do stuff .
Speaker 2Yeah , absolutely . And you can charge your phone in your car Exactly With the full tank of gas . With the full tank of gas , it'll get me , you know , somewhere long enough to let my phone charge 100% .
Speaker 1Yes .
Speaker 2Yeah , I have a friend who tells me over and over and over how bad it is to you know ride on a low Right , on low fuel whatever , and yes , and so it'd be nice to you know have a full tank , always full tank . Yeah , so I wouldn't have to hear that . Okay , next one . Would you rather always be ten minutes late or always be 20 minutes early ? I ?
Speaker 1Would love to be 20 minutes early , but I'm probably gonna be the , just because I always feel like I have so much stuff on my schedule . I like I keep myself busy , or I try to keep myself busy so , and then I I'm very forgetful . So like if I'm running out the door and I'm already in a rush , like oh yeah , I'm gonna forget something , and then I got to turn back around and go get it . I'm just like .
Speaker 2Yeah , that's a disaster . Yeah , I'm gonna , I would say , 20 minutes early . I'm already already 20 minutes early everywhere and it's a it's annoying , but I I'd rather have it that way . I'm trying to see the trailers when I go to the movies . I don't .
Speaker 1I'm running .
Speaker 2I'm trying to have my snacks , everything situated , my seat comfortable yeah , before the trailer start . That's how early I want to be to places .
Speaker 1Well , cuz you get peace of mind like nothing , there's nothing to worry about , everything's good . Like you said , you have your popcorn , you are there , you can just relax , whereas when you're late , you're like , oh dang , I still got to do this , I still got to do this . Yeah , so you know that .
Speaker 2Yeah , yeah . Piece of peace of mind like I don't know . I'd rather be there and not miss anything than walking to be like what . What did I miss until like 10 steps behind ? At least that's me , because that's my anxious mind yes
Embracing Risks and Self-Trust
Speaker 2, how it works . But last one and this one was interesting to me . I'm curious to see your thoughts on this one . Would you rather be an extra in an Oscar-winning movie or the lead in a box office bomb ?
Speaker 1Probably the lead .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1I don't care . I was like I'd be the lead .
Speaker 2Me too .
Speaker 1I feel like I already lived my life , like I'm the lead , no matter what's going on . So it's like , nah , not that I have to have everyone's attention , but I mean , hey , this is my life , is my movie , so I already feel like I'm the lead in it . So , yeah , I could relate to that .
Speaker 2Yeah , absolutely I . I looked at it like yeah , even if it's a bomb , like , oh cool , like I get a redemption arc like yes , watch this , come back .
Speaker 1Yes , they say the sequels never is good , but hey , this sequel is always gonna get better .
Speaker 2I appreciate this . This has been a very great conversation and and as always , you've presented dots and ideas that have taken me for a whole nother ride and are things that I'm gonna Hold on to and put in my pocket to kind of close out what has been one of your failures in life and what has it taught you , and also , what advice would you give to someone who could possibly relate ?
Speaker 1I would say waiting until I got into my I , late 20s to really Trust myself 100% . Uh , whether I know what's coming next or not , like I Used to be so worried about , hey , am I making the right decision ? Or , like like we said earlier , oh , I don't want to take this step just yet because I don't know where this could possibly lead , and the only advice I can give to that is if there's a thought that comes in your mind about where you are and where you want to be , take the step , even if you're scared to do it , even if you don't know what's coming next , even if you're stepping alone , do it . Do what you have to do for you to fulfill everything that you want , because if you're waiting on someone to come save you , it's not gonna happen . No , nobody's coming .
Speaker 2No one's coming . Yeah , in my 20s as well , I felt like everything was life and death . Every decision I was presented with it had to be the right one , and I had to make sure it was the right one , because it was life and death . Not that there's things that shouldn't be taken seriously right but definitely it's not that deep all the time it's not you gotta I mean you gotta go for it .
Speaker 1You gotta build the life you want . And again , like I said earlier , if you Do try something and it doesn't work , you can always go back to what you know . So what's the harm in giving yourself the chance to really win at life and get everything that you want ? So go for it .