Don-ations
Ever since I was a kid, I've always been called the sensitive one because of my inability to hide any emotion. Fast forward to my adult years and I'm no longer trying to hide what I'm feeling, I'm wearing my emotions like a badge of honor and using them as tools to help me navigate this crazy and chaotic yet beautiful life. This podcast is simple, I'm going to share simple stories that have taught me some great lessons. I'll share tips that I'm implementing to become the best version of myself. I'll share with you what's helped me navigate dating, relationships, family and friendship dynamics, love, and self discovery. And I'll dive into the human experience, whether just me or with guests, and hopefully shed some light, for you and me, on what the meaning of life just might be. I'm not trying to make it look like I have all the answers, I'm just trying to make it known I'm on this amazing ride too, right there by your side.
Don-ations
I’m not diminishing, I’m downshifting
Not every move forward looks like an upgrade. Sometimes it’s about letting go of the heavy stuff so you can breathe again. Karissa joins me for this week's POV to share what downshifting looks like in her world, too.
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I didn't downsize my life. I just stopped financing the version of me that thought quietly going broke was better than looking like I had less. What's up, my friend, welcome back to Donations. It's your host, donovan, and I hope this finds you well. I hope this week is offering you a little more room to breathe and a lot less weight to carry.
Speaker 1:Have you ever found yourself making a decision that looks like a downgrade on paper but somehow feels like the most grown, most you most peaceful move you've ever made? Most you most peaceful move you've ever made? Yeah, same. That's where I've been lately, and I'm not even talking about some life or death decision. I'm talking about a car, or a truck, to be specific, and, more importantly, how a truck can be more than just a purchase. More importantly, how a truck can be more than just a purchase, just like everything else in life. It can be a lesson if you let it, and it's got me rethinking what I call a win in life, rethinking what I've been hustling to prove.
Speaker 1:This episode isn't about vehicles, well, not really. It's about identity and release. It's about relearning how to take up space when you're not performing prosperity. I'm not spiraling, I'm not diminishing, I'm just downshifting. Let me tell you about it.
Speaker 1:Okay, so two years ago I bought a truck, and not just any truck. This thing was THE truck. It was a GMC Elevation, to be specific, and it had everything. It had power and space and features. I didn't even know I needed until I had them. Like when I was looking for the truck that I wanted, it was just a feel like I knew it would be the truck. When I saw it and when I felt it right, all the features that it had I wasn't necessarily looking for them, it was just amazing to have them. It had a heating, steering wheel and heads turning when I pulled up and I don't mean that in a way that people were looking at me or you know whatever, but I mean it in a way that they were looking at the truck. It was probably the best truck I could have ever imagined buying and definitely the best deal. I got a killer deal on that truck, like borderline did I scam the dealership type of deal? I felt like I had cracked the code and it marked a serious page turn in my life. I lived so much in and with that truck I literally would have moved in it if it came with a bathroom and a kitchen sink, like I'm not even lying. People complimented it all the time and yes, I ate some of that up sometimes. It made me feel proud, like it felt really good to say that truck was mine. It wasn't ego, it was accomplishment.
Speaker 1:And you know I've talked before about a black Mustang that I once had and how I thought it was my key to get into anywhere and to get in with any crowd. But this isn't really that story. This is about the truck and how. It wasn't just about what I could drive and what that meant for my image. It wasn't anything like that. It was about the kind of person I had matured into. That's what it felt like owning and driving this truck.
Speaker 1:Right, I didn't just buy a vehicle, I bought the version of myself who finally had enough to do something like that. I remember thinking this is the kind of thing I thought belonged to other people. Other people made deals like this. Other people pulled off the lot with something this nice Not me, but somehow here I was. This. Other people pulled off the lot with something this nice not me, but somehow here I was, keys in hand, driving off the lot and driving in that truck took everything up a notch. Whether I was headed out of town for a weekend getaway or just across my town to visit my parents, or just to go down the street to get a coffee, it all felt taken up a notch.
Speaker 1:It wasn't just transportation for me it was transformation. Now listen, I knew what I signed up for, right. Like that luxury that the truck came with came with a price tag, and not just one of those cute ones. It was a big, big, heavy, monthly kind, right, but I made it work. I knew what I was doing and I made it work very well, I might say. Month after month, hustle after hustle, and for a while that felt like enough, that felt like that's what I was supposed to be doing. Only, until it didn't right, I started getting tired, and not just tired like ugh bills, gotta pay this, gotta pay that, not like that.
Speaker 1:Tired like why does this cost feel heavier than it used to? Why is it taking the fun out of everything? And I remember thinking I work too hard to not have the amount of money that I want to have in my bank account. And that line just kept echoing in my head over and over. I wasn't failing, I wasn't drowning. Like I said, I made it work, but I definitely wasn't thriving. And that was a hard pill to swallow because I knew the kind of thriving I could be doing. It's weird to realize that something you love might also be the thing that's draining you.
Speaker 1:And that's when the shift started. It wasn't loud, it wasn't dramatic, it was just quietly undeniable. I didn't wake up one day and say time to trade. In the dream it started a lot slower than that. It was just a thought. And then that thought cracked open a window and once I looked through, it finally took in that view. I couldn't unsee what was on the other side. The truck was a want, not a need. And just because I could keep it didn't mean I had to. Sometimes letting go of something beautiful is the most responsible thing you'll ever do and the hardest. And it was hard because, even though it was a financial decision, it felt like an emotional one. It was a financial decision, it felt like an emotional one. It felt like letting go of an identity or a milestone or this whole vibe. But I trusted myself. I trusted that standing on the edge of change again really meant something.
Speaker 1:So I made the move. I traded it in. I got a brand new sedan Sleek, stylish, clean, a little less drama, yeah, but a lot more practicality. No heated steering wheel, unfortunately, but everything I actually needed. It's there Packaged differently for sure, but it's there With a lot of its own perks and its own unique vibe too, it turns out. Freedom doesn't always look like elevation. Sometimes it looks like simplification and, yes, that line's both eye-opening and punny, because I traded in a GMC Elevation, but somehow I still rose. And here's the kicker for you and for me I'm still me, I'm still showing up, I'm still on time, I'm still moving from point A to point B with clarity and peace. Only now I've got a little more room in my budget and my spirit.
Speaker 1:And yes, people asked why, multiple people. They thought it was a step back or a downgrade, and you know it's crazy how far some people will go with it in their minds. I've literally, literally heard it. He can't afford much anymore. Something happened, he's downgrading. And even though those were the thoughts I feared the most that people would have actually hearing them was when I realized most of the noise isn't even about me. It's about what people fear for themselves. I didn't downsize my life. I just stopped financing the version of me that thought quietly going broke was better than looking like I had less. And just so we're clear.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying all of this as some kind of explanation, because I don't owe that to anybody. This isn't me trying to justify a decision or win anybody over. It's just that sometimes, even when you know you don't owe anyone anything, a part of you still wants to be understood. So this isn't proof, it's peace spoken out loud and that, I think, is the real glow up. Maybe I'll get another truck someday, maybe I won't. I mean, I miss the shit out of my truck, but I love my car and I love the lesson I learned.
Speaker 1:Yes, I miss the season of my truck and the season of life that I lived in it, but I love and I'm so excited for this new season and I love how I made that decision for myself, even with the noise of what if someone thinks this? What if someone thinks that I made it for me because it was the right move for me? And, like I said, maybe I'll get another truck, maybe I won't. But fantasizing about that future doesn't serve the balance I'm building right now, this present moment, this version of my life. It fits, it's functional and it's free. And I'm not diminished, I'm just better aligned. And I know I'm not the only one who's ever let go of something that looked great but felt heavy. And so I ask what's something you let go of that looked like a downgrade but felt like freedom? Because sometimes the biggest pivot of your life doesn't come with applause, it just comes with clarity.
Speaker 2:For me in my life. Something that looks like a downgrade to everybody else but was so much more freeing for me and helpful for me would be twice in my 30s I had to move back in with my mom. One because life happened and two it's because I needed um a place before I got into my house and that's what I needed to do. I had to go back home and to other people being at home in your 30s or like saying like, oh yeah, I live with my mom still, like people think you don't have your shit together and that sucks because, like one, I was trying to get my shit together and two, I was, I was getting my shit, like I had my shit together. I just needed a little bit more help. And it was freeing because living with my mom is just that Like it's help. It's helping with whatever I needed, you know, and it was nice and I would honestly live with her now if I could. But I would tell people like, live at home while you can, as long as you can, because the real world and the real bills, they're not fun out here and I mean it is what it is, but it it was definitely a stepping stone, it was definitely a help. When it came down to being where I am today and being in my own home and, um, just being the person that I am, having my mom be my rock through. All of that was definitely something I needed in my life at the moment, and I really don't care what everybody had to say about it, whether it was like, oh well, she just can't do it on her own, like you can, people can do it on their own, but the thing is is I don't have to do it on my own with the mom that I have and the family that I have, um, the support that I have, like I don't have to do it on my own. So I'm not going to like, I'm not going to make it hard on myself, just to make it more validating for people in life to say like, oh, she went through the hardest, hardest part and now look at where she's at like, no, I definitely had help going through my life and I will continue to have help going through my life with everybody that chooses to be in my life. So I mean, it is what it is.
Speaker 2:People are going to think what they want to think At the end of the day, something that was hard and felt like a burden to me at some point, because I felt like I wasn't good enough or I wasn't meeting the standards that everybody feels like they need to meet growing up. I don't care, I did what I did and it helped me. It helps me breathe, it helped me enjoy my life still and have a good life instead of just being stressed all the time. So no, I mean, you got to do whatever feels right for you at that moment in your life and take the help when it is offered to you. There's nothing wrong with taking help from anybody at any point in time for anything in your life. So you just got to keep it moving and do what's right for you. That's definitely what I think in a lot of it.
Speaker 2:In a lot of life situations, I hate that people have to go through struggles when they don't have help or they don't have family and friends that can help them do things. I hate to hear that because that sucks. That sucks that people have to deal with things on their own and go the hard way, and I wish that everybody had the support system that I do. But at the end of the day, that is life. We hold ourselves up to other people's standards of how we should and shouldn't be and at what ages we should and shouldn't do things, and at the end of the day, it's your life regardless. Your life doesn't depend on anybody else's timeline or anything like that.
Speaker 1:So I didn't trade down. I just stopped paying extra to feel like I was winning. I don't need bells and whistles to know I'm doing alright. Some people love the extras and that's fine, but mine were starting to cost me more than what's in my pocket, and that bill always comes due. So if you're holding on to something because it looks good, because it signals something, this is your cue to ask yourself what is it actually costing me to keep it? And let's let that be this week's journal prompt what am I holding onto for the image of it versus the actual value it brings into my life? Sit with that, don't rush the answer. You don't owe anyone the illusion of arrival, just honesty and alignment of arrival, just honesty and alignment. And, my friend, until the next one, be careful but also be free. Thank you.