Apparently it’s illegal to be excited now

Why do we downplay the things we’re excited about, like it’s a crime to care too much? In this episode, I talk about where that shows up in everyday life, the weight it carries, and what it means to finally let yourself feel it fully.

Chapters

• 0:00 The Permission To Be Excited
• 0:42 TikTok Homes Vs Real Life
• 1:30 Comfort Loops And Cabin Fever
• 2:56 A Simple Trip That Reset Everything
• 4:45 Fredericksburg Heat And A Kind Bartender
• 7:21 The 13 Going On 30 Dress Moment
• 9:05 Why We Downplay What We Love
• 11:10 Finding Your People And Your Volume
• 13:10 Journal Prompt And Closing Hope

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Why do we act like we're not that excited about something? Until someone else says it's okay to be excited. Like we're just waiting for them to give us permission to like what we like. Welcome back to Donations. It's your host, Donovan, and I've been on TikTok way too much lately. And it feels like everybody's turned staying home into a production. You know what I mean? Like, soft lamps in the corner, plants that somehow look missed it 24-7, and the whole place looks like a catalog. And I'll sit there watching, like, damn, maybe I'm doing home wrong. Because my version is just me sitting on the couch in my gym shorts and a tower fan blowing in one ear. And of course, leftovers I swore I was gonna throw out like three days ago. But that's honestly fine. Like it's not a big deal because that's real life. But it does make me think: what's the sweet spot between enjoying being home and realizing that you're kind of stuck in the same loop? Because that's been me lately. Like routine and comfort. That's the extent of it, but it's not a bad thing, like I said. And being home is good for me because it blocks out the distractions, right? And it helps me not recklessly spend, and you know, it keeps me in check. But every now and then I find myself craving to get out. I get a little bit of cabin fever, and I'm not just craving for a nice coffee or for some brunch or to go and buy candles that I don't really need, but for some adventure and exploration. That's what I get really craving for, that I get to that place where I'm really craving that kind of get out. And what better way to grant yourself that, right, than to travel or go on a road trip? So that's what I did. My family and I went away for the weekend, and it was probably one of the best trips I've ever had. It was simple, it was restful, and it gave me everything it needed to give. Okay, we were in this beautiful Airbnb with this gorgeous backyard and this amazing pool, and we had ourselves a time, let me tell you. I mean, I'm talking about getting out, right? Getting out of my house. But we just went to another house. Like, we didn't feel the need to go out because everything we wanted to do, or you know, just escape was there in that Airbnb. We didn't need to go anywhere. Everything we needed was there. And we cooked there and we swam there, and and it felt like its own kind of vibe and its own kind of getaway. I mean, we did go out and we did explore, but not the entire time. I mean, it was great, but we didn't do that the entire time. And we just togethered, you know what I mean? And that was the best part. And coming back home, I felt so refreshed and had this refreshed sense of okay, let's get down to business, let's get back to the grind, let's get back to focusing, let's lock in. And that's probably one of the best parts for me about traveling, is that this new outlook on life is granted to you whenever you get back home. I don't know if that's the case for everybody else, but that's what it's been for me always. But let me tell you about this lady I came across while we were away. We were in Fredericksburg, Texas. It's a smaller town, but it's got so much character, and it's such a distinct vibe that some of the bigger city scenes just don't have like they just don't match up. But Saturday afternoon, we were walking through the endless line of shops that they have in their main road, in their main downtown road, definitely feeling the shift from the dry heat that we're used to to the kind of humid heat that just feels like a weighted blanket made of sweat. And the one feeling it the most was my six-month-old niece. She wasn't having it in her stroller. It was just too hot for that. And you know how it goes. If the baby is stressed, then we're all stressed, right? Baby stress is a very universal thing, and we got to take care of that, right? So naturally, we took turns holding her as we walked down these shops. And when I was holding her, I was using this little portable handheld fan to try and cool her down. But it was humid. Like I said, it was just blowing that hot, humid air right back at her. And both of us, me and her, were not having that. So whether I was interested in a store or not, if someone from the family walked inside to take a look, we followed. Not even to shop, but just to kind of find some reprieve from the heat, find some AC. And we stepped into this little wine bar that my mom wanted to check out. And like I said, I walk in and I'm just trying to find a spot to stand in that won't block other shoppers or won't look like I'm in the way. And one of the bartenders saw us and instantly started gushing over my knees, just full-on sweet energy, right? And then she can tell that we're both hot. And she pulls a bigger fan from behind the bar and asks if we want to stand in front of it. And girl, yes, yes, we do. So we did. So there we are, just cooling off in a wine shop, trying not to die from heat stroke, and people are coming and going. And then this woman walks in wearing a replica of that dress from 13 going on 30. The one Jennifer Garner wears to the work party where she does the thriller dance. I mean, it was pretty much exact. You could have told me she pulled it straight from like a Hollywood wardrobe auction or whatever, and I would have believed you. Like, I'm not even kidding. And the sweet bartender, the one that gave us the fan, immediately clocked it. And she just lit up and she said, Oh my God, I love your dress. Such a classic movie. And when she said that, that's when I caught it. Like, I was like, Oh yeah, like 13 going on 30. That's cute. I mean, I didn't say it out loud, it's what I thought in my head, but it made sense to me what movie she was talking about. And then the bartender number two, another bartender, walks down from where she was serving other customers, and she comes near where we're standing and where bartender one, aka sweet fan lady, is, and she asks, is that from 13 Going on 30? And the fan lady, she says, Yeah, I've never seen it, I've just seen parts of it, but that's the one. And I immediately, immediately thought to myself, Wait, what? Like, you clocked that dress the second that woman walked in. You knew. You knew. So why minimize it or why play it down? I mean, she was all excited when the lady in the dress walked in. But when her peer asked her about it, like her tone totally changed. It was like she was trying to brush it off. She definitely wasn't sounding as excited. And I wasn't about to call her out on it or anything because she might have taken our fan privileges away or something. But also, for all I know, maybe she really hasn't seen the full thing. Maybe she just caught clips of the movie while channel surfing because it usually is rotated through the Saturday and Sunday movies that some networks play pack to back. But just the way she said it when she was asked about it, it was like she didn't want to look too into it or like she was too eager or too excited about it. And I thought, why do we do that? I mean, I recognized myself in her, in her downplaying it like that, I recognized myself in that. And I wondered, why do we act like we're not that excited about something until someone else says it's okay to be excited? Like we're just waiting for them to give us permission to like what we like. This by no means is me throwing shade to the fan lady or anyone that feels like they have to hide their excitement to look cool. Because I've done that plenty of times. Actually, I still do that. I mean, I can't pinpoint the exact last time I did it, but it happens more often than I'd like to admit. I'll downplay my excitement about something, usually things that mean a lot to me, like this podcast for one, or like drag race. Ugh, I can go on and on about drag race and the art and the intention behind some of these looks and performances that we're so lucky to get to witness. But I'll minimize that excitement because honestly, I don't want to seem trivial or too much or dramatic. I can't tell you how many times I've brought up something I'm passionate about, just to kind of see that passion be brushed off. And I'm not throwing a pity party here. That's not what this is. I get that we're all into different things, but when you bring something up and people brush it off or just don't engage, it's hard not to take that personally. I'm not naive. I know people have different interests, but not your people, right? Not your friends or family or loved ones, right? Like your tribe is supposed to get it. That's kind of the point. That's kind of the whole having things in common draw. I mean, I know anytime someone from my circle or tribe starts talking about what they're excited about, oh, I'm all ears. I'm all about making the space for them to be excited. I'm all about asking intentional questions and leaning in to their excitement. Because I know what it feels like not to have that space, and I know what it feels like to keep your excitement to yourself, or any emotion, for that matter. And I know what it feels like to start thinking that maybe bringing anything up makes you a burden. And I'm not saying or suggesting that everyone should be like me, or that I'm entitled to someone giving me space the same way I offer it up. I'm just saying that I hate that feeling. It's heavy. It's the quiet ache of feeling like the loudest part of you might be the part that's the least welcomed. And that's not small, that's universal. So here's what I want to say to that version of me, the one that still shrinks. You don't have to stay quiet. You can always let it be known who you are and where you're coming from. Just gauge where that excitement is met, but also take note of who still grants space for your excitement, whether they meet it or not. See who's still clapping with you. And if they're not, maybe that tells you something. And I think the more you practice that, the less you take things personally. And the more you sharpen your tribe. The people who get it, you'll feel it. And the ones who don't, that's not a reflection of you. That's a redirection. Because this isn't about bitterness, it's about hope. And I think that's what gives it power. So if you see yourself in that, you, the one listening right now, if you can see yourself in any of that, consider answering this in your next journaling session. What's something you've minimized about yourself that you didn't need to? And explore where that takes you. And the next time you recognize something you love walking into the room or a topic you're passionate about comes up in conversation, don't downplay it. Don't minimize it. Don't pretend it doesn't light you up. Because every part of you does deserve to be seen. Until the next one.