Learning To Notice Instead Of Manage

We talk a lot about awareness but sometimes what we call awareness is just fear in disguise. This week, I explore the quiet difference between noticing your life and trying to control it, and how one small practice helped me find peace again in the mornings.

Chapters

• 0:00 Naming The Day Vs Living It
• 2:16 The Morning Scan Habit
• 4:35 Anxiety Disguised As Awareness
• 6:20 When Surprise Days Teach More
• 7:20 Purpose, Motivation, And The 5K
• 9:00 Noticing Instead Of Predicting
• 10:42 The Science: Threat Monitoring
• 11:55 Cold Showers And Presence
• 13:10 Gentle Tools That Keep You Grounded
• 14:13 Living Without Labels

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

We convince ourselves it's awareness when really it's just anxiety. We're living in it, acting it out, and even identifying with it, telling ourselves this is how we quote unquote set ourselves up for the day. When really it's just how we brace for it. I really do. Even if your mornings haven't gone how you plan. Speaking of, Rue woke me up at 3:30 this morning because apparently she needed to stand outside and stare at nothing. She probably wasn't expecting it to be as cold as it was. We actually dipped below 40 this morning. Which it is late October, but it still felt like it came out of nowhere. And so, because of her, I'm running on fumes and faith here. Which honestly might make this episode even better. It's something I've always done. I just never realized how much it's affected me until now. When I turn onto my back and open my eyes, before I even know what I'm looking at, I'm already asking, where am I today? I start running through quiet little checklists in my head. How am I feeling? Do things feel okay or are they a little off? Did I sleep enough? Do I feel rested? Am I already behind on something I can't name yet? Does life feel peaceful or does it feel like it's holding its breath? Basically, I'm trying to figure out what kind of chapter I woke up in. Am I in the part where everything flows or the one where things get redirected again? Am I in the part where I'm getting everything I'm hoping for and working towards, or am I on the struggle bus again? I know not everyone starts their day like this, and that some or most people just get up and go and don't put themselves in jeopardy of spiraling so early in the morning, which honestly might be healthier. I don't know. I'm no scientist. But for me, there's this instinct to read the emotional weather and predict what kind of day I'm about to live inside of. And I used to think that was awareness. I used to think that was me putting some self-growth practices into motion and trying to set myself up for success. But what I'm finding out is it's actually fear. I'm trying to name the day before it can hurt me. I'm trying to expose it before it can expose me. It's almost like I believe that if I can get a read on the day early enough, I can stay ahead of anything that might try to throw me off. But that's literally the lie anxiety tells us. We're not staying ahead, we're basically just staying tense. And you'd think I'd know better by now, with how tight my shoulders stay on the daily. I can literally squeeze my shoulder blades together and my whole back pops. But no, every morning I wake up, label the day, and start living for that label. If my scan says it's a bad day, I spend all my energy trying to survive it. If my scan says it's a good day, I spend the whole time trying to protect it from being ruined. Either way, I'm so hyper-focused on staying one step ahead, and I lose the present moment. This thing that I'm doing that I'm convinced is keeping me safe only ends up being what steals the peace I'm looking for. It turns the whole day into something to manage instead of something to live and be grateful for. Because I've noticed on the days I've got to get up and go and don't really have time to scan, I just get up, brush my teeth, grab a C4, and start moving towards what needs to get done or towards whatever feels right. And those are usually the days that tend to surprise me or teach me something meaningful. They start out ordinary and end up extraordinary. For example, just this past weekend, I woke up early to run a 5K for a benefit I'd signed up for. Compared to waking up early for work, where I hit snooze until the last possible minute, this time it only took one ring of my alarm. No snoozing, no scanning, no nothing. And maybe that says something about where I'm at in life and what actually motivates me. But the point is, I didn't lie there half awake, eyes closed, running through every possible version of the day. I just got up and moved. Maybe it's because I had something to run for. A cause that's close to my heart. And I wanted to run my best run. I had a reason to get up and go. But isn't that what every morning should feel like? The alarm as a reminder of purpose and not panic. And sure enough, it was one of those days that reminded me what life is capable of showing you when you just let it move you. And I think me waking up and scanning is me just aching for that. Aching to just be walking forward into the day, not scared or worried about what it'll bring. And trusting that I'm prepared enough to take it on no matter what. And that I'm prepared enough to notice it. I think a lot of us start scanning because we've been blindsided before. We've been heartbroken before. We've let our guard down and then punished ourselves for the audacity of having hope. We've been taken advantage of and called ourselves fools for believing people meant what they said. So now we wake up ready to analyze the weather of everything. Every text, every silence, every sunrise, every situation. Just to make sure we never get caught in a storm again. We convince ourselves it's awareness when really it's just anxiety. We're living in it, acting it out, and even identifying with it. Telling ourselves this is how we quote unquote set ourselves up for the day. When really it's just how we brace for it. And I think that's what people mean when they say life is what you make it. You can't make much of it if you're too busy managing it. You have to notice it first. And that's why I was saying I've known this was a habit of mine, but I'm just becoming aware of it. Because I think what I thought was me being self-aware was really just trying to stay in control. Now I'm learning what real awareness actually feels like. It feels like noticing, not predicting. And noticing is different. Noticing is more like, oh, I feel off today. But that's okay. I can't try to fix it or say the whole day is ruined because of it. I've just got to let it pass through me and try to help ease the process as much as I can. If I'm feeling anxious or worried, then I work to notice what's causing that and gravitate towards what would help to ease it. If I'm feeling excited and hopeful, I notice what I feel called to to amplify or satisfy that. It's kind of like checking the weather and dressing accordingly, not letting the weather stop your plans altogether. And I even looked this up because I wanted to make sure I wasn't crazy. And fortunately, I'm not crazy. It's a thing. The whole scanning bit is called predictive threat monitoring. And the noticing part is called introsceptive awareness. So, yay me. My weird habits have official terminology. And there's science behind them too. When you notice, your body calms down. You move away from fight or flight and into self-regulation. So, what I decided to do was give myself a task first thing in the morning, take a cold shower. There's nothing like freezing water hitting your skin at 6 a.m. to pull you straight into the present moment. Am I right? There's no room for overthinking or scanning. You're just cold and alive. I'm sure you've heard about it. It shocks your system in the best way, wakes up your circulation, lowers inflammation, and a whole group of other benefits. But my main focus is how much it reminds me that I'm right here. It's the quickest way to get me out of my head. And I'm no biologist or whatever, so I don't know how or why, but it puts me in the best mood and literally has me looking on the bright side. It's magic. And just to be clear, this isn't about hustle culture or flipping your life upside down to fight anxiety. I don't take cold showers every day. I just take them when I feel my thoughts slipping away from me. It's not about forcing discipline, it's about sustainability. It's about finding practices that keep you connected to yourself long term. Not punishing yourself or engaging in these punishments to try and prove something. And I get it, cold shower, it's not everyone's idea of a peaceful morning, but that's not the only thing that works. You could also try hitting play on a playlist that's impossible for you not to sing along to while you're getting ready. Or journaling. You already know I had to recommend journaling. Setting those anxious thoughts down before they set the tone for the day. Or even just making your bed first thing in the morning. Finishing one small task gives you a sense of accomplishment heading into the rest of the day. So, yeah, scanning might feel like control, but noticing is where we finally start living. What's something you've been trying to control that might just need to be noticed instead? Maybe that's the next step. Focusing on not waking up to scan or even to notice perfectly, but to just wake up and live. To see what the day decides to be before I jump and decide what I'll call it. Until the next one.