The Dream Didn’t Die, It Just Grew Up With Me

A nine-to-five you’re not passionate about, back-to-back meetings, and old dreams that never played out. This episode shows how to flip everyday complaints into real, grounded affirmations that keep your bigger life vision alive, even when work and adulthood don’t look like you imagined. Music by DayFox

Transcript

Moving through the mess & meaning

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I can take my words, identify the want and desire that's hidden underneath them, and follow that instead of just declaring everything's horrible and I hate it here. I'm your host, Donovan, and we're welcoming in a new month here at Donations with a determination to understand ourselves better, a motivation to be our best selves, and a hope that each day just gets better and better. And I wish nothing but the absolute same for you. Remember, here at Donations we're all about moving through the mess and the meaning with intention. Why? Because when we do that, we see ourselves a little clearer every time we look in the mirror. So thank you for being here, not for me, but for you. It's no secret that I'm not always passionate about my nine to five. I've spoken in a group discussion before about how much I enjoy my job, how good I am at it, how much I've learned from it, and how much it's pushed me, and how much it suits me. But I'll be honest, I'm not always passionate about it. I know that sounds bad, or like it goes against everything I try to preach to others. Enjoy what you do and live a life that makes you excited and all of that stuff. But my job is not what I said I wanted to be when I was in kindergarten and we were told to draw pictures on career day or whatever about what we wanted to be when we grew up. And I think that's the case for a lot of us. We didn't grow up thinking adult life would turn out this way, that it would be so different from our dreams. Not only are a lot of us not what we said we wanted to be, but we're also dealing with struggles and situations we never imagined being in. We kind of thought we were protected from all the bad stuff, or that it just wouldn't happen to us. But life isn't like that. It does not discriminate. Everyone has a day or three in every week where they don't get what they want or things don't go their way. I know those numbers don't sound good, and maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but that's reality sometimes. And most likely for me, those three days in each week include a calendar full of back-to-back meetings where ego gets in the way of actual progress. Time is wasted trying to get multiple personalities on one call to think the same way instead of actual work being done. It's so frustrating to me. And I've fallen into this horrible habit of checking my upcoming calendar before bed. And when I see that it's gonna be another back-to-back day, of course, that frustration gets the best of me. My sleep cycle gets thrown off, and I start forming complaints in my head about how much tomorrow is gonna suck before it's even got here. I know, it's horrible. And I'm trying to break the habit, but that whole trying to anticipate what's coming so I'm prepared thing is ridiculously hardwired in me. The next morning I'm waking up with those complaints fully formed and getting in the driver's seat of where my day is headed. Why do I have to be on this meeting? Why can't they just leave me alone to do my work? Why do I put up with this job if I'm not passionate about it? And believe me, those complaints are on the edited side of the spectrum. Sometimes my complaints get really vulgar. But honestly, if I'm being 100% real, I just think it's resistance. Resistance to let go of my kindergarten dreams. I didn't turn out to be a top-paid actor. I'm not a pop star on a world tour waving to thousands of fans from a stage. I didn't turn out to be a model walking multiple shows in Fashion Week in Paris. Maybe that's about the resources that were and weren't available to me growing up. Maybe it's about not knowing which direction to go in, and so therefore not going anywhere. And maybe it's because of something completely different. Either way, it didn't pan out. But there's a part of kindergarten me who's still holding on to hope that these things will happen. And it feels like that's the source of those complaints. And of course, I don't want to let my inner child down at all. But part of parenting that inner child is teaching them about reality, how it tends to play out differently than we planned. And also that they're able to hold more than one truth at the same time. What you once dreamed of is important, but so is taking pride in where you actually are, and noticing how parts of that dream still played out, even if the whole thing didn't. It's not about giving up those old dreams altogether. It's about noticing how they've reshaped themselves or grew sideways. What you once wanted from the spotlight might now show up in the way people trust you, the impact you make quietly, the craft you've built piece by piece. And that's still worth a hell of a whole lot, if you ask me. That's still something to wake up proud of. I don't wake up excited for every meeting, but I do take pride in how I present myself even when I'd rather not be there. I don't wake up excited for every workday, but I do keep choosing to meet it. Even if all I can give is consistency more than excitement. I don't wake up excited to face every adult struggle or situation. I mean, who does, right? But I do it because finding myself on the other side of it is always rewarding. In the same way, realizing a dream, or even a small piece of it, would be. That right there is what's helped me see how my morning complaints, or any time of the day complaints, can actually shift into the kind of affirmations that give me the life I've always dreamed of, if I let them. I can take my words, identify the want and desire that's hidden underneath them, and follow that instead of just declaring everything's horrible and I hate it here. So now when I'm laying there in bed checking my work calendar for the next day, and fill a whole list of complaints starting to form. I put my thing down, flip it, and reverse it. I'm tired of this because I'm proud I've built the stamina to carry what I once only imagined. I hate these meetings. It becomes people trust me enough to listen. They trust me to lead, they trust me to be there. That's its own kind of stage.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

I'm just going through the motions.

SPEAKER_00 9:09

Because even on autopilot, I'm still moving, which means I still have the power to turn this life into something that means something to me. I should be further along by now. Because I'm in the part of the path that's teaching me what actually makes me feel alive and what doesn't. And when you turn your complaints around and into your affirmations, they become proof that the dream didn't die. It's still alive. It just grew up with you. And that's how I start the day with what I used to resent, becoming what reminds me of who I am, and teaching my inner child why affirming him actually matters.

SPEAKER_01 10:03

And I think you should do the same.

SPEAKER_00 10:07

Until the next one. Be careful.