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The Bold Lounge
Everyone has a bold story, and every story is important. This podcast presents bold stories that will inspire and enable you to free your own boldness. There is a continuum of boldness where each of these stories belongs. From true vulnerability and service to making the tough choices and taking the big leap, each episode will feature an extraordinary journey of hope and perseverance. So tune in and take your seat at The Bold Lounge, the place where bold stories are freed.
The Bold Lounge
Dave Gieselman: Bold Breakthroughs- Unlocking Flow State and Peak Performance
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Content Warning: mention of substance use
About This Episode
In this episode, former chef turned performance strategist Dave Gieselman shares how he broke free from cycles of chronic stress and discovered the power of flow state. Drawing on lessons from SEAL teams, extreme athletes, and his own shift to breathwork and nervous system mastery, Dave reveals why most professionals rarely reach peak performance and how to change that. He offers simple, science-based practices to quiet the inner critic, overcome resistance, and unlock focused, high-level performance in work and life.
About Dave Gieselman
Dave Gieselman is a former chef who now works as a performance strategist, helping high achievers who are stretched thin and ready to build more capacity. With over 20 years of experience in leadership and personal development, he draws on breathwork, neuroscience, and flow principles to help people regulate their nervous systems and escape the cycle of chronic stress. His approach is shaped by real experience in high-pressure environments and focuses on practical tools. People work with him when they’re ready for clear, grounded, lasting change. This is applied physiology for individuals who want to feel better and lead more effectively.
Additional Resources
Website: ConnectToFlow.com
LinkedIn: @DaveGieselman
Instagram: @daveg_limitless
Register for a FREE Limitless Flow Breathwork Session (Promo Code: BOLD1): ConnectToFlow.com/breathwork
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Follow Leigh on LinkedIn: @LeighBurgess
Welcome to the Bold Lounge podcast. My name is Leigh Burgess and I will be your host. If you're anything like me, you love hearing inspiring stories of people who have gone on bold journeys and made a positive impact in the world. This podcast is all about those kinds of stories. Every week, we'll hear from someone who has taken a leap or embarked on an extraordinary journey. In addition to hearing their stories, we'll also learn about their bold growth mindset that they use to make things happen. Whether they face challenges or doubts along the way, they persisted and ultimately achieved their goals. These impactful stories will leave you feeling motivated and inspired to pursue your own bold journey. I believe everyone has a bold story waiting to be freed. Tune in and get ready to be inspired. Welcome to the Bold Lounge.
Speaker 1Today we have Dave Gieselman. He is a former chef who now works as a performance strategist, helping high achievers who are stretched thin and ready to build more capacity. With over 20 years of experience in leadership and personal development, he draws on breathwork, neuroscience and the flow principles to help people regulate their nervous systems and escape the cycle of chronic stress. His approach is shaped by real experience in high pressure environments and focuses on practical tools. People work with him when they're ready for clear, grounded and lasting change. This is applied physiology in action for individuals who want to feel better and lead more effectively. Welcome to the Bold Lounge, dave. Thank you so much. It's an honor to be here. I'm so excited. We talked a little bit in the green room, but I haven't heard your bold definition. So let's start there. What is your definition of bold?
Speaker 2My definition of bold and I was thinking about this question. I think that I look at my values and I look at like my five core values exuberance, adventure and I look at like my five core values exuberance, adventure, intention, passion and speed. And those would be my definition of bold Living fearlessly into the right now, doing the thing that lights you up despite fear, despite anything else.
Speaker 1We get one shot at this deal make the best of it and don't let fear hold you back. Yeah, so basically, being present and taking the action that might scare you and doing it anyway. Do it scared. Yeah, do it scared. So, in the sense of that, can you share with me a time that you lived your definition where you did it scared, you did it anyway and you were looking for that alignment with your values?
Bold Living and Finding Flow State
Speaker 2Absolutely, and I love this question. It was when I left Professional Kitchens in 2017 to do what I now do full time. I've been coaching for a long time. I've been doing breathwork for a long time. In my early 20s, I started cooking professionally very, very young and, like many young cooks, I attempted better living through chemistry, and that turned out not to be a long-term sustainable solution for me. And in my early 20s, substances got taken off the table for me as one of my choices. I was willing to give up whiskey and cocaine. I was unwilling to give up professional kitchens, and so I went diving into flow states and neuroscience, peak performance, breathwork, mindfulness, meditation as a way to regulate my nervous system in high performance environments. Leap forward to 2017 and it's time for me to leave professional kitchens and do this on my own and coach, to speak and to facilitate breathwork full time.
Speaker 2I was terrified. I didn't know if it was going to go. I didn't know how it was going to go. I didn't know how it was going to work. I'm a really good cook. I'm a really terrible salesman. I wasn't sure how this whole thing was going to go and I leapt anyway and I leaped into the void. I launched this business. I got it all going.
Speaker 1I had catastrophic failure at the beginning and then just kept going yeah, so how did you see that you needed to move into focus? Obviously, you know the substance at a certain point will tell you that you know, this isn't going to be how I want to live my life, so I'm going to choose something different, Right? So you made that choice. But why breathwork? What pulled you to that? What did you learn about it, Did you? Is it something new that you thought, hey, I'll let me try this? Or what brought you to it?
Speaker 2That's a it's a great question. So I had to find something that could help me regulate a nervous system. I needed a way to operate and so I got into all kinds of weird stuff at the beginning, you know when to find I started doing Brazilian jujitsu, spartan races, tough Mudders, ice baths, oh okay, all kinds of stuff. I found breath work, I found meditation. Really, I found the neuroscience of high performance. I began studying SEAL teams and extreme sports athletes is what? Because I needed something outside of Wu. I needed something outside of metaphysics, right, and I needed to understand, I guess, the best way to explain it. I needed to learn how to operate the machine at a really high level in some way that didn't involve crystals, chakras, meridians, energies, vibrations.
Understanding Flow and Its Triggers
Speaker 2I needed something practical that I could put into place in this moment, and I found it in studying other high performance environments, extreme sports athletes and like SEAL teams, and watching what they did. And they did breath work and they did meditation and they did all kinds of things that you wouldn't associate with these types of people. And what I found is they were all hitting flow state. They were all finding, medically regarded, it's called transient hypofrontality. Your mind and your body are operating in a really cohesive sense. If you've ever been completely immersed in something, completely focused, time dilates. Your sort of ego falls away. You're just operating at absolute, your best possible, like everything is happening fast. Every decision you're making is the right one, and I learned that there was ways that we could optimize for that environment. We could create the things in our environment that created that experience, and so I just began optimizing for that environment. We could create the things in our environment that created that experience, and so I just began optimizing for that.
Speaker 1What is the definition of flow state? I'd love to hear it from you so that I can understand it. I've heard different ways to describe it, but how would you describe it to someone?
Speaker 2It is that state of complete focus, rapt attention, action and awareness merge. Time dilates, your ego falls away. This is flow state and you are operating at your absolute mental, emotional and physical best. This is the top of your performance.
Speaker 1How often should we expect to be in that state? What should be our goal?
Speaker 2Well, the people who spend the most time in flow state are the happiest people on earth. Ask any surfer, right. So surfing is the absolute fastest path to flow state. There are 22 different flow triggers that they've identified, and once we stack between five and seven of them together, human beings just kind of drop in and so there's complete embodiment. There's complete focus. There's a skills challenge, balance, right If you're not bored, but it's not too easy, but not too hard. You're not frustrated because it's too hard and not bored because it's too easy. There's a risk involved. There's a sense of control. All of these things like there isn't surfing mountain climbing, skydiving, surfing, snowboarding all of these things. There's a sense of risk, but I'm in control. There's a bunch of different triggers and so how often can you be in it?
Speaker 2There's a cycle to it, so it's not one of those places that you can stay in. It goes struggle places that you can stay in. It goes, struggle, release, flow and then recovery. So there's always resistance at first. Toughest part about going for a run is putting your shoes on. That's the struggle phase, right. Then you start running and about a mile in like the first mile of any jog sucks. Then there's the release and your body kind of surrenders to the process because you're completely in it. And then people experience that runner's high, that somewhere between three and seven miles everything just kind of falls away. The ego falls away, the body stops complaining, the mind quiets and they just kind of go into this, into this really peaceful space. When you jump out of an airplane, it gets really quiet in here. When you drop into the barrel of a wave, it gets really quiet in here.
Speaker 1Cause you're so locked in right.
Speaker 2You're completely locked in.
Speaker 1Yeah, and then I definitely have not jumped out of a plane. That's something I don't want to do, um, but a lot of the things that you talk about, they do seem to have a connection to adrenaline, how your body operates in the sense of like the fight or flight moments. Right, you know, because normally when you jump out of plane, your amygdala is going to go nuts and like how are we going to fight or flight, what are we going to do right now? Like how do we live? And it's like getting into that flow state is like you have that struggle potentially of like what did I just do? And then, potentially, with jumping out of the plane, that would be the release is like oh, I'm okay, I'm on, I'm doing a tandem or I have a partner. And then you're like, wow, I'm locked in, I'm enjoying it and I got to figure out how to land, right, you know, I'm just, you know, like you're the expert, but am I following that maybe in the right space?
Speaker 2Right and adrenaline isn't required. One of the really, really great ways to enter flow state is being in jazz music, because it's flow, and so jazz musicians, because jazz music is, it's improv, it's all improv, and there's rules to it, and when everybody is following the rules you can do anything you want, and so really it's complete focus and complete immersion, far more than adrenaline.
Speaker 1Okay yeah, maybe I was just seeing like the sports work could be adrenaline creating sports, but it doesn't have to be that.
Speaker 2Humans have been meditating their way into flow states for millennia. You've experienced flow state a thousand times in your life. It's that thing that you are completely involved in and time slips away. That's the big indicator on the back end, Like, oh, I was in the zone, I was there, so whatever it is that really lights you up and you find yourself really doing and time slips away. Your ego falls away and it's just you doing this thing. That's flow state.
Speaker 2Medically it's called transient hypofrontality. Transient meaning it doesn't last real long. Hypo, meaning slower or less than Frontality. Referring to the prefrontal cortex, it is a dimming of the prefrontal cortex. All of that self-referential thinking that, all the overthinking, the comparison, long-range planning, risk assessment, all these things kind of go away. This is the part of your brain that scrolls Instagram and compares your crappy life to everybody else's awesome life. You know it's that voice of the critic that follows you around and tells you that you suck and we turn that part of our brain off and when we do that, we're completely in the moment and we can operate at our absolute highest possible potentials. Our minds and our bodies are processing information about 100 times their normal rate. If you see a snowboarder going down a hill. They're making like a hundred thousand decisions in the span of like five seconds, right, and it looks like every single decision they're making is the right one and could potentially lead to peril. You turn the wrong direction on one of those things.
Breaking Through Mental Resistance
Speaker 1Oh, I can't even watch it because it's intense, but they're like totally in that flow state of being locked in, right. So, like in our world you know your world as a chef, my world as an executive, where I burnt out in 2020, and I'm certain I wasn't in flow state a lot of the time, certainly towards the end Is it normal for us to just have a normal flow state cycle of struggle, release, flow, recovery and that just gets disrupted? Or do we not know how to do it? Or is it combination? Tell me why we're not living more in flow state or the? You know from all your research and all the people that you work with, what are you finding as the commonalities to keeping us from being in that state more often?
Speaker 2awesome question. You can't stay in it, you can't live in it. It's also costly. There's an energetic price to be paid, just like when we go to the gym, right. So. And in the gym, growth doesn't happen in the exertion, it happens in the recovery, right? When you go to the gym and you lift heavy, you're tearing muscle. You're literally breaking down muscle because you are pushing it sort of past its usual usage, and so you're tearing muscle. When you get stronger is when those muscles repair, and so we get stronger in recovery.
Speaker 2Just like the flow cycle. You can't spend all of your time in it, and so what we do is we teach people how to enter flow states really strategically right For executives. So I work with a ton of leaders, a ton of creatives, and they feel like I'm not getting into the zone often enough or spending enough time there. It takes between 11 and 20 minutes to get there of being completely focused on a task. It takes 11 to 20 minutes to get into that zone. Most Americans in office environments are being interrupted every six minutes, and so if it takes 11 to 20 to get there and you're being interrupted every six, you never make it Okay.
Speaker 2So teaching the strategies, closing the door, noise canceling headphones, getting everything off the screen. That's not the thing that you are working on. I have on all my phones and on all my machines. I have black screens. There's no wallpaper. It is one of the tools. There's nothing that's going to pull my eye. My phone goes either off or into airplane mode when I'm working. My phone goes either off or into airplane mode when I'm working and so teaching people how to create an environment where all of the triggers for flow are possible. Then they get these huge bursts of creativity, productivity, these kind of wildly productive 90-minute to two-hour bursts. And if you create an environment which means you got to control your schedule, where you can set up two to three two hour bursts in your week, imagine if you had three two hour bursts of really high productivity time during your week, no interruptions. You're completely in the zone, you're banging it out, you're doing that thing. How much more would you accomplish week to week than you do right now?
Speaker 1Tons. But I think what's interesting, as you're talking, like I think about my life as an entrepreneur and I juxtapose that with my life as an executive and I think what I feel like I have more latitude as an entrepreneur, more I'll just use it in air quotes for everyone listening control of my schedule, versus when I was in corporate. I was in senior leader position, so I was in control of a lot, but there, you know, I wasn't at the very, very top. You know I was in the C-suite, but reporting to others, which sometimes sets your schedule.
Speaker 1So is there an easy way for I use that word just like being bold it usually isn't easy. So I'm assuming, when we're going into a flow state or saying that you know we would like to have two, three hour bursts, which sounds incredible and very doable if we control and manage ourselves right, 100%, yeah. But what keeps us from doing that? What keeps people from like making excuses Maybe, just like I did, of like, oh, I report to somebody and I can't do it? Do you hear excuses from people or hear reasons why they can't do it All the time?
Speaker 2And it's that resistance, it's that first piece. Okay, it's a struggle, the struggle piece, right, and all of the gold is in the resistance, all of it. When I take people through a breathwork session, I promise them we're going to get four minutes into this and every decision that you have made today that has brought you to this point is going to get questioned and it's going to sound like I don't have the energy for this. I don't have the time for this. This isn't what I thought it was. This music is weird, this guy is weird, this breathing is weird. All of that is true, right, and I just need you to breathe through it.
Speaker 2But pay attention to the language of that resistance. Your resistance has found language that works with you and has found ways to negotiate with you that work, right, and so we start getting into a place where we might have the space to drop into flow state. Then, all of a sudden, your mind goes oh, you know what, just before we get started here, let's make sure we have this, that and the other thing. Let's go make some coffee, let's use the restroom I've now burned 12 minutes 12 to 20, you know on whatever. And it's that resistance that I don't love this part of my job, so I have people pay attention to the language of their resistance because it shows up in other places in your life and it shows up just like in the beginning of breathwork. Warming up at the gym sucks. The first mile of any jog sucks. The first round of any soul cycle or Peloton class sucks.
Speaker 1Usually the first is the worst.
Speaker 2That's the way getting settled in to doing your tasks like getting settled in to a high productive it's uncomfortable. I want to be distracted. Our minds want to distract.
Speaker 1Are we seeking comfort?
Speaker 1Are we seeking, I don't know, like when you're talking, like I'm seeing it, like I see how I had in the past, or even in the present, you know, but probably a little less than when I was in corporate.
Speaker 1But well, like I can't do that today because x, y or z is happening, or I have to get this project done, or I'm going to cancel something that's really important to me, and I know it's a pain in the butt to reschedule, but I'm going to do it anyway and you know the pain's going to come back. But you're just kicking the can down the road, in a way, if you're not really working on the, the challenge, and you use two statements which I just want to say out loud. So there is an energetic price to pay, right, for being in flow state, but it's one you want to pay. But it is also one to be known. I would think there's an energetic price to pay to staying in this anxiety, stress-filled cycle over and over and over again. So either way, you're going to pay for it. But the positive thing with the flow state is what, if you give your energy to flow state versus disorganization or excuses or those types of things. What do we?
Speaker 2get. You get when you spend as little as 20 minutes in flow, and I don't care if you're doing it in breath work, surfing, writing, making music, creating art, writing emails, whatever the thing is Playing with your dog.
Prioritizing Work for Maximum Flow
Speaker 2Playing with it, you can get completely involved. It's just gotta be a thing that you're completely in. Spend 20 minutes in flow state. You are going to have a huge burst of creativity, productivity. You're going to have huge ahas because you're getting all of that self-referential thinking out of your way. All those things, all the reasons why you can't this is you arguing for your own limitations? Well, here's why I can't. Well, here's why I can't. Well, here's why I can't. Well, here's why I can't.
Speaker 2They're all lies. Every single one of them is a lie. And when we can set them down and go. Thank you for sharing. I'm just going to do this anyway. We find that we get to become the adult in the room with our own minds.
Speaker 2And, by the way, if you can hear it, it's not coming from you. If you're observing it, it is not coming from you. So who's it coming from? It's coming from my resistance. It's coming from my body is going to distract me, or my mind is going to distract me. How many times has somebody brought something to you and your immediate thought is you imagine doing it and you're like, oh my God, this is going to be so much work. You just threw off my entire schedule. This is going to be a nightmare and you just imagine the pain, the stress, the anguish of doing this work. If you just did it, you wouldn't experience it.
Speaker 2The lie is the resistance. The lie is always the resistance, the lies that one day I will wake up, I will feel motivated to go on that run, I will feel motivated to do that part of my job that I'm, like, not super in love with. I will feel motivated to do the dishes or the laundry or the whatever. You're never going to. That's the lie.
Speaker 2The lie is that one day I will be, I will be ready, I will be motivated to start that business, to launch that podcast, to write that album, to start my book, to do whatever these things that we want to do. The reason that we don't is the lie of resistance, and there's resistance for everything. Get through it. After you're done with the first mile and a run, you're fine. After you're done with the first 1,500 words of writing, if you're writing a book. After you're done with the first mile in a run, you're fine. After you're done with the first 1500 words of writing, if you're writing a book, you're in the flow, you're in the zone After the first round of a soul cycle or Peloton class. You're sweaty, your body's warmed up, you're in it, and all of the resistance is now gone. You're doing your thing.
Speaker 1Yeah, so the resistance I think you know, as I've worked with clients and as you have too, I'm sure, comes from a whole host of things. Right, it can come from our biology and our mindset, like of how we approach challenges or how we see things. It could come from how we were brought up. It could come from our experiences ourselves of like, oh I tried that and it didn't work, oh, I tried to. You know, like there's a lot there, but at the base of a lot of it, I find, is someone's habit They've trained themselves to do or to think. Do you find that as one of the precursors or one of the things for the resistance, or one of the things you're seeing that creates this resistance, is some habits that people have gotten into?
Speaker 2Yes, exactly. And all of these habits we are in the habit of stopping when the resistance hits.
Speaker 2When it feels hard or when it feels yucky, exactly, and so that is the habit. That is the habit we are in. When the resistance hits, when it feels hard, when it feels too challenging, when it feels too frustrating, that's when I stop, and so your resistance has learned. All I need to do is ramp that up and it just needs to suck enough and you'll stop. Right, the body and the mind are energy conserving organs. Right, like if I don't have to expend the energy, I'm not going to. The other habit that you can get in, and the habit of high performance, the habit of really successful people is the habit of knowing the resistance is coming and not negotiating with it.
Speaker 1Yeah, I think of David Goggins right now, like as you're speaking of, like he doesn't even know the language of resistance in the sense of it. Does not stop him right.
Speaker 2It doesn't stop him, but he doesn't expect it not to be there. Yeah exactly Right. And he knows the first. You know for David, he does these ultra marathons right. He knows the first 10 miles are just going to be awful.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Right, and he talks about I hate it, right, I hate it. And lots of people talk about you know getting in the ice bath. You know getting in the ice, but it's terrible when you step into that ice bath. It's terrible.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's not fun.
Speaker 2And it's doing it that the growth comes from right. But if I know it's going to be terrible and the resistance, like thank you, that struggle right, Like I don't want to, it's going to be so cold, it's going to hurt, it's going to, it's going to do whatever, If we know that resistance is coming, because we know it's just part of the cycle, we can go. Thank you for sharing. You get a voice, not a vote.
Speaker 1We're doing the thing you're doing it anyway, right, you're gonna keep going, you're gonna keep running, keep talking. When you think about some of your, I would say, like, whether it's experimenting on different ways to get into flow state or looking at different processes, is there a way to set up our lives or our work week or things like, any tip you can help us with? You know that you've used with your clients and in your work. That can help us, like, be reminded of it, or you know, remember that this is something we should be. You know, going through you talked about calendar there for a little bit, I think, but you know, like, what do we need to be doing so that we don't lose sight of it when things get hectic or busy, and that's probably exactly when you need it.
Speaker 2Right, that is exactly when you need it. The thing that you can do is be intentional. Okay, everything is about being intentional. Set it up, make a choice. Make a choice. Know the resistance is coming, know that this is a part of it. Set up in your calendar a three-hour block where you are undisturbed, or a two-hour block where you are undisturbed, where you have that time, and then go through that first uncomfortable 10 minutes where you want to get distracted. You want to go make the coffee, then go use the bathroom, then check my phone, then check my email no email, no phone, no bathroom. Eat something before you come and sit down and have a two-hour block where you can just be inspired and do the thing and churn through the challenge. I promise it will pass Seven to 12 minutes in. You'll be in your deal, but you got to get there and it's got to be distraction-free, knowing that there's going to be resistance and knowing that you have to move past. It is the way that you build those habits.
Speaker 1How does someone define and decide, and most likely prioritize, what they need to be working on during that time? Is there a way or a method or something that helps me? How do I, in a way, get more organized and prioritize myself so that, when I get to flow state and I do the work to get there that I work on the most important thing or what is most important to me?
Speaker 2You will only hit flow state if you're working on the most important things, right, the things that are really valuable. And so have a short to-do list, right, have a short to-do list. I have a master to-do list, right, like all the things I need to do and I call it the parking lot. Okay, move five things into today's task list and if I get those things, move three more things. So flow is about understanding what I can do in the amount of time that I have. So I'm not attempting to do a four-hour task in a two-hour window. I'm going to get frustrated by attempting to do a four-hour task in a two-hour window. That's gonna be frustrating. But if I can do three 40-minute tasks right in a two-hour window, I'm in good shape. I can drop completely in. I can be completely focused.
Speaker 2Flow follows focus.
Speaker 2Anytime I can go completely in and really focus and really immerse myself in a process, a task, a project, anything, whether it's throwing pottery, writing your book, the three-hour block of sending out emails, marketing, messaging, whatever it is, you can do it.
Speaker 2But really it's about prioritizing what are the things? And this goes back to like the one thing, like what's the one thing, such that by doing it will eliminate or make everything else easier. And really, really getting back to what are the small pieces that move the needle the farthest and working with people on that and we do this in kitchens, you know economy of movement what can we prep that makes the most amount of sense? Having tons of this out of the other thing if we're not using it isn't useful. But what are the things that we can do that will have the most impact that will create the other thing of if we're not using it is it useful? But what are the things that we can do that will have the most impact that will create the most amount of freedom for everybody else? Right, and what are the things that move me toward my highest goals, not just tick boxes?
Speaker 1Right. So we talked about habits and patterns and we're talking here about strategies for getting started and not, you know, using excuses and really understanding, when we're talking here about strategies for getting started and not, you know, using excuses, and really understanding when we're in that flow state, we have prioritized, we have focused and you know the statement of flow follows focus, I think is really important. One of the things I think that can come up and I kind of alluded to it a little bit, I think with who we report to and what their expectations are. Potentially, we don't have healthy boundaries set up for ourselves or for others to work with us. So we've taught someone how to treat us by working on the weekends and then now they expect us.
Speaker 1You know, potentially, that that's our norm, right, and resetting a boundary can be really challenging. I'm sure you've had some clients who have needed to reset some boundaries. Can you share any ways that we can recognize that maybe a boundary needs to be reset? Number one, and then, what are the steps to do that when it comes to working towards being in that flow state more often?
Setting Boundaries for Better Performance
Speaker 2Great question. I love boundaries, so let's start with a couple really basic pieces. If you're not holding them, they're not boundaries, right. So you need to set them and then hold them.
Speaker 2The only people who get upset when you set a boundary are the people who benefit from you not having them. The people who ask you to work on Saturday are the people who ask you to discount your pricing, the people who ask you to do one thing or another for free or whatever right. Those are the only people who ask you to do one thing or another for free or whatever right. Those are the only people who get upset with I'm sorry, I don't work on Saturdays, right? If you were working with somebody and you go okay, so when can we get this done? Are we going to meet on Saturday? And if somebody just told you point blank I'm sorry, I'm not available on Saturdays, you don't get upset, you don't get angry, you don't get what you're like oh, okay, you're not, you're not available on Saturday, okay, so I guess then we'll circle back on Monday, yeah, right. So setting boundaries and understand that that setting boundaries teaches other people how to treat you, but it also sets sort of your set point for how you will be treated.
Speaker 2My favorite, favorite boundary setting statement is I'm sorry, I'm not available for that, no receipts are required. There are no receipts required for I'm not available for that. I'm sorry. Can you do this? Can you come here? Can you join us at this? I'm sorry, I'm not available for that.
Speaker 1Yeah, you don't have to make up a reason or an excuse. No one is asking you to define why you can't. The answer is just I can't, I'm not available, which I'm sure is easier said than done on certain times. But again, it is most likely a pattern you've gotten into of agreeing or saying yes, or you know and I've been there. I think some of the listeners probably can relate to that of like I know what I need to do but I'm not doing it Right. Have you heard that?
Speaker 2Oh, all the time. And so the question I'm always going to ask and it's my favorite I wish I'd thought of it. This is Brene Brown. I asked them why. I asked them what is the fear and what is the story you are telling yourself about that? So if anger is fear, always period full stop, which it is, and your irritation, we can call it anger. What was the fear?
Speaker 1Yeah, so I think there definitely is that, but I think it comes down to what we've been talking about with like the boundary and like you owe it to yourself to keep your own boundaries with yourself, start with you. At times I feel like I can't manage myself right, certainly when I was in that high level of stress and where I was burnt out. But it does happen to entrepreneurs, it can happen to anyone. It isn't just like the corporate setting does it.
Speaker 2I mean, you can be burnt out as an entrepreneur as well, and there's many people who have as an entrepreneur, as an athlete, as a Boy Scout Annie Roll role, and this is where breathwork comes in. This is where mindfulness meditation comes in. This is where journaling comes in, because we can start getting really clear, and this is the work that I do is helping people see where they are getting burnt out and getting really clear and moving past it. I'm a coach and I talk about being an executive coach. Look, I don't know anything about your business. I'm a coach and I talk about being an executive coach. Look, I don't know anything about your business.
Speaker 2I'm not good at strategy. I'm not good. My business would be much bigger if I was but I'm really clear about how to build you. I'm really clear. I get under the hood of leaders themselves and I start optimizing leaders. Optimized leaders, optimized businesses, Optimized entrepreneurs optimize their time, their schedule, their workout routines so that they can do it. Now I upgrade you, I create capacity within you to do the things that you want to do.
Simple Steps to Enter Flow State
Speaker 1So, as someone's thinking about this and hearing this and they're like, yeah, I need to do this, what's one thing they can do to get started? Where do they start? How does someone get going so they understand and are aware how they can get into flow state more often using breath work, using journaling, using meditation, using some of those things? Where do we start?
Speaker 2It starts most simply by coming into the moment. Okay, when you are stressed out, when you are stressed, when you are nervous, when you are fearful, just take three deep breaths. And when I was cooking, I would go to somebody set down everything in your hands, take two steps back, take three deep breaths. Two steps back sets your posture. Three deep breaths drop you from fight or flight into your parasympathetic nervous system. So it drops you out of fight or flight into rest and digest. You're in good posture, you're in this moment, and so the first step that anybody can take is, when you feel that stress response, stop, take two steps back, take three deep breaths. Okay, once you can institute that and you can come into this moment, you can orient into this moment, then you can ask the question what am I afraid of? I would strongly advise you to do it on paper. When we see our fears written down, we can do something about them. There is something very, very powerful about languaging, either through speaking or through writing, the thing that you are actually afraid of.
Speaker 1Yeah, All right. So two steps back three deep breaths in and out. And then, what are you afraid of?
Speaker 2What am I actually afraid of in this moment?
Speaker 1Okay, it could be failing, it could be succeeding, it could be getting the job, not getting the job. It could be, you know lots of things that come up, what my mom will think or what my boyfriend will think. Who knows what you could write down and then starting to unpack that.
Speaker 2That old liar imposter syndrome which is the fear of success, not the fear of failure. So heads up, just so you know imposters do not suffer from imposter syndrome.
Speaker 1Right, they enjoy it.
Speaker 2They know they're imposters. They're not afraid of it. They know who they are right yeah. They are clear.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's wild. Yeah, that's a good statement to kick out of here too for many of us who may have that imposter syndrome pop up every now. Well, thank you so much for being on the Bold Lounge. I think the way that you work and how you work with others helps them really understand what patterns and habits they have. Helps them understand if there's boundaries or maybe they need to institute some healthier boundaries and then also just navigating life and its challenges that come up for us right. So all the information about Dave, his work, his website, is down in the episode notes. Thank you so much for being on the Bold Lounge.
Speaker 2Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1Thank you for listening to the Bold Lounge podcast. Through the continuum of bold stories vulnerability to taking a leap you will meet more extraordinary people making a positive impact for others through their unique and important story. By highlighting these stories, we hope to inspire others and share the journey of those with a bold mindset. We hope you've enjoyed this podcast and look forward to sharing the next bold journey with you.
