When You're Living Someone Else's Timeline for Your Own Life

There's a version of your life that other people mapped out for you. A timeline with milestones, markers, and an unspoken deadline. And when you don't hit them on schedule, something quietly tells you that you're behind.

This episode is about that pressure. The external expectations that get internalized so deeply that you stop questioning whether they were ever yours to begin with.

I use my own single season as the entry point, but this conversation is really about something bigger: what happens when you stop measuring your life against a timeline you never chose, and start asking what you actually want.

Not behind. Not broken. Just on a different road than the one someone else drew for you.

💬 DM me on Instagram @thekerenelijah — what's one expectation you've been carrying that was never actually yours?

Transcript

 Okay, let's just say it. Singleness as a Christian woman is a trip. One day you're thriving, romanticizing solo dates, deepening your faith, sleeping diagonally across your bed because well you can. And the next, another engagement post another. So when are you getting married? Another. Wedding invite when you're deciding between R SV P soloing or inventing an imaginary plus one, and suddenly you stare at the sky like, God, what are we doing?

I used to think singleness was just a season to hurry up and get out of like a over flight. Mildly inconvenient, but temporary, but lately. I've been seeing it differently. So today we are having a real conversation, not in a, just with this, his coming way, not in a enjoy your single season. It's a gift way because, okay, but in a, let's talk about this. Let's talk about how he actually feels way. Because if you're in this season, two si you're not crazy, you are not behind, and you are definitely not alone.

Hey friend. Welcome back to the Keren Elijah podcast. If this is your first time here. Hi, I'm Keren, your follow through mentor. But today, forget execution because life is more than what we do. It's about who we are becoming, what we wait for, the things we desire. And for me, that meant sitting with the fact that I really want marriage, but instead of 

waiting for some man to appear like an Amazon Prime delivery. I've been learning to actually live in this season, so if you've ever felt stuck in the waiting room of life, side-eyed heaven, like God did my prayer request get lost in transition. If you've ever been over everyone and they're Mom giving you unsolicited advice on how to position yourself for marriage, sis, pull up a chair.

We are talking about it today. So there's this pressure to be marriage ready. So let's talk about what that is, because being single as a Christian woman is an experience. The family gatherings where aunties hit you with the, so when are you getting married? Question the sermons that make it sound like marriage is the gold medal, of spiritual growth, or the unsolicited advice.

Maybe you should put yourself out there. More like where exactly outside at the grocery store. Should I just casually drop things in aisle five hoping that that man with strong jawlines will pick them up for me? Eh. And then there's a mental gymnastics we do. Did I miss my window? Is there a secret prayer I don't know about?

Or do I need to write it? A letter to my future husband and bury it in my background, uh, backyard because it's getting a lot and nobody tells you what to do with the loneliness, the desire or the frustration that happens to you in the meanwhile while you are waiting and in your single season.

Oh. Hmm. And if you don't fit into the ideal wife aesthetic that certain people swear men won't, that is a problem. So, sis let's unravel this thing together. The you have to lose weight to find  husband pressure because I know, I know what it is. Like it's real. If you're not a size two, you've probably heard men prepare, prefer smaller women.

You don't have more options if you don't lose some weight. You're so pretty. You just need to slim down. Oh God. I don't know how many times I've heard this thing. You don't need to, you, you, you need to make yourself more desirable. Am I a cargo, am I on display for sale? Because what's all of these things?

If you're listening to this, you, you get my frustration because I keep hearing stuff like this. And listen. If I had a dollar for every time someone implied that my body was a problem, I would be finding my own honeymoon solo because there's husband yet. But that messaging, it gets in your head.

It makes you feel like you have to earn love by shrinking yourself. But here's what I now know from processing all of these emotions. You don't have to shrink to be loved. You are not too much for the right person. You are already worthy of love at any size. Okay? But let's be honest, marriage is not a reward for fitting into society standards.

And if a man, if a man's love for you is conditional about you, being a certain size that is not love. So, no. I am not losing weight for a husband. I'm living fully right now as I am because my worth, it was never up for debate in the first place. A while ago, I was having a conversation with my mom about marriage, 

I jokingly asked her Mom, what prayer did you pray for your husband? Because you have a good man. And she said, don't pray for your husband. Pray for a man who aligns with God's standards. And she pointed me to Titus  one verse seven to nine, and first Timothy T three, where I describes the kind of leader, protector and a man of God, a husband should be.

And since then I've been reevaluating my prayers because if I'm pray for this kind of man, I might becoming this kind of woman. Marriage isn't about just receiving a good partner, it's about being a good partner as well. And one thing I'm sure of is when the time is right, God is going to align two people who are ready, not just for love, but for purpose.

So instead of just praying, God, send me a man like this. I am praying God make me a woman who can walk alongside a man like this and that it has changed everything for me. So instead of waiting for this season to be over, I'm actually choosing to live in it. I'm going on solo adventures. I'm deepening my faith, not just for marriage, but for myself.

I'm building a life. I actually want to invite someone into. And I'm setting real standards, not just expectations, because listen, marriage is what will add to my life. Not complete it. My life is already full of purposes right now. If you want to have more of this conversation or tell me how you're choosing to live fully in this season, please send me a dm.

On Instagram @thekerenelijah, I would love to hear from you. And remember, this season is not wasted live fully right now. I'll see you in the next episode. Child.