The Wit & Delight Podcast

36 - Why You Should Try Manifesting Your Best Self

December 18, 2019 Wit and Delight Season 1 Episode 36
The Wit & Delight Podcast
36 - Why You Should Try Manifesting Your Best Self
Show Notes Transcript

Dr. Anna Roth and Kate discuss how to better connect with your future self and why it can be so hard to imagine a future outside your internal limitations.

Resources: Tara Brach

Speaker 1:

Hello. Welcome to the Whit and delight podcast. I'm your host Kate Aaron's founder of wit and delight as a recovering perfectionist, mother of two and juggler of many businesses. I know how hard it is to find time, time to reflect on yourself, your choices and who you're becoming. So if you're new to this podcast, sometimes you'll find myself into guest discussing where life and style intersect and how the choices we make both big and small can help us find empowerment and self-discovery in unexpected places. Okay. Now for today's episode, how many of you have been thinking about the past decade? Knowing that 2020 is just around the corner? Well, today I sit down with Dr. Anna Roth and we break down how to think about the future and we designed these questions in the conversation around helping you find ways to reflect on where you've been, where you're going, and what you want for the future by learning how to manifest in ways that are connecting your head and your body. It was an incredibly interesting conversation for me and we have some little bits of homework for you to do. At the end of this conversation. So be sure to listen to the end , um, for a step-by-step ways . A , you're going to be able to bring this practice into your life this month. Today we're going to talk with Dr. Anna Roth about how to , um , process either the surprise or disappointment or confusion , um , that happens with reflecting on time and then pivot into how we can begin to envision a future self in this new decade that leaves us open to possibility and open to , um , allowing life to unfold versus holding onto the idea of who we are so tightly. I'm curious if you'd be willing to share. It sounds like you've maybe had a surprise there. Oh yeah. I, yes, 100%. I mean, yeah, I think , uh, I think in general, I mean, I started 2010 with a marriage that ended in divorce , um , right before 2011 . And I think the entire decade has been spent kind of like, I think dealing with the decade prior, which was all about hitting benchmarks and hitting accolades. And I've been very reluctant to give myself specific timeline for what I want to be doing yet internally I think I still expected something out of life in business that was going to be quantifiable , um, against what I should be doing by 35. The surprise is no matter what I've built or what I've gained , um, all of the work that I've done will never fill a hole that self love will, will, will bring. And to me that was a little bit depressing for a little bit that, that um, I , I can't like white knuckle my way to self fulfillment through hard work. I don't think that I really even knew to start with this idea of , of loving myself. It has been a journey of self-loathing, like low grade, perpetual self clothing that was masked as um , ambition and that was a surprise. I'm so grateful that I was open to letting my life and pain guide me to a place that is completely unexpected. Would you say that your life falling apart was maybe one of the best things that's ever happened to you? 100%. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, I mean the pain, but it needed to happen. I don't think I would have been able to really grasp the magnitude of , um, of really what my inner dialogue was doing to limit my view of what's possible in the world. Um, I thought that things were very black and white. Now things are very gray and I find a lot of freedom in gray areas. In fact, whenever I have black and white thinking or I see that in the world, I get, you know, a little bit. Um, I get reminded of of that, that time when it was like, there's right and there's wrong, you know. Um, and I, I really do think there's very few truths , um, in the world and most of that can be found within. Um, yeah. So it's , that's very surprising. I mean, I'm , I'm thinking of like the 2010 per person saying this, I would've been like, what in the world are you talking about? And I think she would have been intrigued, but I think she would have thought, I'm not sure. I believe you,

Speaker 2:

I had a couple of conversations yesterday in sessions where clients were kind of talking to me about their life as they've known it falling apart. And I couldn't help but smile. Yeah . And I had to tell them like, I'm not sadistic. I want, you know, I want what's best for you. But I have to tell you that in my experience, both personally and professionally, when things break so completely, it is often one of the most profound opportunities for redirection and restructuring. That's this profound gift. Yeah . And I know that that was absolutely the case for me as well. Like I, I had created this like kind of , um , externally ideal life. I was totally on track , um, you know, romantically, professionally, all the ways and none of it felt like it was mine. Yeah. I , yeah. And I, I threw it all up in the air and , um, and for a long time have been kind of making this, this journey into kind of authenticity. And I mean, I really can say that everything falling apart was the best thing that ever happened to me. And , and when I was in it, you could not convince me of that. And it didn't matter that I had a pH D or how much information I had that pain was so hard to see through. Um, but I think that that's the kind of, I think what we're both getting at a little bit is , you know,

Speaker 1:

wherever you find yourself in your life and after this, wherever this decade has brought you, if it's brought you to this place where you didn't think you would be , um, to trust the kind of the [inaudible] . There's some inherent wisdom in that or there's some , um, there's some reason for it and it , it just, but it sure doesn't feel like that sometimes. It doesn't. I remember distinctly, you know, month after I was married, breaking down in front of my ex husband and saying, I don't know what's happening to me, but I know what's ha , what where I am right now is, is everything feels wrong. Like in everything feels like terrifying. And it was like, it was almost like someone turned the lights on in a room where I thought everything was set up in a certain way and it was like furniture was like on the ceiling and um, it was really disorienting and I just knew that there was just no other way forward. And when I was explaining to people what I needed to do, leaving the marriage and kind of making decisions that would like make it impossible for him not to want to leave me having, you know, an relationships outside of him, a lot of it had, had, had something to do with making it irreversible to kind of go back. And, and, and I , the way I handled it was , was very poor. And I think anytime that I would need to pivot, even like I am now, I mean I'm doing it in a much more healthy way. However, there was no other option other than to go forward. And I remember people saying like, talking me into , um, you know, you don't know what you're talking about. You just need to stay. Like, just work it out. You know, marriage is hard, these are things. And it was, it was like, the decision to me was, I either stay and I sacrifice my life and I bring a child into this world that I know this would fuck up. Or I embarrass myself and believe that someday everyone will understand why. And I had a conversation with one of my close friends who, you know, she apologized to me this, this , uh, August and was like, I'm so sorry I wasn't the friend that you needed during that time. And I was like, you know, I, you were about to get married. My relationship falling apart meant something to you. Like there's no reason why you would have had to show up any other way. Like I, I'm like, I really knew in my heart what I was doing was the right thing. And um, and I , I think there are a lot of people out there who, who kind of talk themselves out of those signs. And I think maybe what we'll be getting to is that openness to the unknown and to really kind of feeling like where I've been going, this path that I'm on does not align with my purpose, my values, with, with my energy, what I need, what I need out of my life. I'm the only person who can give that to you is you, you know, and , and you have to advocate for changing that situation. And that means sometimes doing things that everyone is going to tell you like this is wrong. You'll be setting yourself back. You know, you'll never be able to get back in your job. Like I remember hearing that in 2012. You know, you'll never get back into the agency. Overworld again. If you leave your career as a designer and become a blogger, I mean the road towards who you're going to become. Well, like there's going to be a lot of signs that are going to tell you to stay in your lane. And um, and then that's, you know, that stuff is uncomfortable. But I think, you know, what we want are both talking about is like there was no other real way, you know, and I don't know what, what that sense of, of knowing is. I think for me it was a sense of being fed up with my own bullshit a little bit. Um, I was fed up with, you know, having to be ms perfect. I was fed up with having to check off all the boxes. There was part of me that just didn't like, that didn't feel like me and that she had never really ever come out. It turns out, I still like to check off boxes, but I get that sense of autonomy and sense of curiosity and creativity and really healthy ways. Now, you know,

Speaker 2:

I was thinking about this aspect too about how we have different seasons, different chapters, different periods of sprinting and rest. And for me, I, you know, I really relate to what you're saying and having just years and years and years and years of, of sprinting, I feel like to um, to prove something or to , um, to be good enough or whatever it is. And now just kind of reaching this point of just being, just being tired and kind of just like not wanting to play anymore. Like you think about like when you're little and you're like, I don't want to play anymore. Yeah. I like feeling, it's like you kind of lose something. Like I don't want to play, I don't want to play. I just, I want to settle in. I want to settle in to kind of, and benefit from all the hard work I've done, but just be really kind of settle in and being at peace and in peace with my life. And I don't know. But I, as I think about who's listening, I mean there's just different, different stages we get to in terms of, you know, sometimes it is, there is a time to kind of surge forward and , and make a push and go after our, our gifts or like be ballsy. And other times there's times to just to stop putting all of our eggs in that, that like ambition basket. Yeah . And just to like slow our roll, you know? Yeah. There's

Speaker 1:

never going to be a decade that you're going to be like pounding the pavement that entire time. There might be years and then there'll be years of rest. And you know, I think it would be an interesting exercise to look back and sort of, you know, I wish I would have journaled the way I am now for all of those years. I think I have some things somewhere. But you know, just sort of looking at the ups and downs of like when you were surging , when you were reflecting, when you were resting , when you did have moments of clarity because those , um, those are kind of the path, the path of your life in the pattern of your energy and can probably tell you a lot about , um, what to be grateful for too . Um, you know, probably for that journey and that experience , um , or even being open to understanding that those things are happening. I think if you're listening to this podcast and you really like what we're talking about, you're more in tuned to these things anyway. You're kind of open to , um, what your inner dialogue can , um , can say about where you're going and what it can open up for in your future. I mean, any kind of self reflection is , um, is kind of part of that. So, you know, I T going back to your original question, I mean I'm very surprised to find myself here. Very happily surprised. Um, but also in a lot of ways finding myself like what is in store? What's happening next? Like now what do I do with all of this knowledge? Because you know, the way that I'm going to, I'm going to tackle hard things that are set out in my future. You know, having to deal with, you know, getting older, having kids are going to get older and more complicated. You know, my parents getting older, relationships changing, all that stuff's going to be hard. But now I'm more equipped to kind of let those things come in and out and ebb and flow without losing myself in , in the weight of , of life. And that's exciting. But it's also like, it's sobering to , there's a little bit of melancholy in it. And , um, and maybe that's surprising too , that, you know, thinking about the future is always going to be a little bit , um, sobering, you know, and I think that's okay . I'm also thinking about tagging on like a time expectation. Yeah. So like, well, I'm in my twenties. This is where I'm supposed to be this young . I'm supposed to figure it out. I'm in my thirties. I'm in my forties and 50s use or the markers I should be reaching. This is the level of self acceptance I should be at these markers I should have reached by now. And um, that, I think that's where the, yeah. The gap can be for sure. And you know, I think a lot of us probably feel, we thought that we would feel a certain way in our thirties and forties and 50s versus how we might feel inside. I mean, I, you know, you're a lot and like I don't feel any different than I did at 27 and I think I'd probably feel that way about like 32 maybe. I also feel like I'm 80 years old too, so I don't really know. Um, but that expectation of like what is normal, I think we crave benchmarks or something to kind of like judge our progress against, and I was talking to my friend Liz about this yesterday and because I have the benefit of hindsight, I'm sort of telling her, you know, you've got time, you got time, but you know what's even to say that where you're at right now isn't exactly where you're supposed to be because you're gonna zip past other things where other people took their time. Yeah. How do we, how do we come to peace with, with where we're at? Is it by maybe accepting, you know, a little bit of an unrest with or maybe like on , not unpiece, but what would you call that , um, discord with where things are at and tell, become okay with it. I mean, we're, where I go with that question is

Speaker 2:

running from stuff or facing it. So I could imagine myself answering that question in my twenties. Um , and I was, you know, filling my life with , um, you know, grad school and moving to all these different cities and doing all of this different stuff. And, but I, I was not dealing with some really core losses and , um , kind of like, you know, relying on relationships to provide a sense of security. And like, I, I don't know, I wasn't really, I wasn't really facing myself. Yeah . You know? So I think, I think that that's the question I ask is like, to what degree are you facing yourself? To what degree are you intimate with what's going on with you on a deep level? And that's, that's the question versus like what's happening on the outside.

Speaker 1:

And I think that is an uncomfortable ask for a lot of people. Yeah . I know that it is for me. I mean, I just bought the book from Louise hay that's called mirror work. And , uh, and in, in this quest of really kind of like, Oh, I'm uncomfortable to self love or the idea of it, let's that that fellow means we need to talk about it. And I'm on day one and it says, look at yourself in your eyes and say, I am willing to learn to love you. And it's like, and you're supposed to write down what you feel. And I'm like, Ooh , I feel like weird and exposed and like, I don't know, like who is that person? What am I afraid to find? And like those feelings of like that internal relationship, even with all the work that I've done, I'm still, it's still a baby relationship, you know? And it's a lot more comfortable to evaluate where I'm at compared to benchmarks that I know are like acceptable versus you know, what's within. And I think that that, that just shows that, you know, there's things about who I was in my twenties that will still continue probably for the rest of my life. That'll be like, okay, we don't do that anymore. You know, we, we, we go internal first and you know, and , and we understand that, that, that, that is going to be in our orbit about what the expectations are. But yeah, that internal conversation, that's uncomfortable for me, you know? Yeah,

Speaker 2:

yeah. It was for, for everyone. Yeah . I mean, I've never met a client who doesn't feel that way. I know. I've definitely, that's been my experience. But I think my number one wish for anyone listening is that you , um, that if you think about this coming decade, you know, where we go is what do I want to manifest like my house and my job and my dream relationship. And you know, if you don't have that security, that secure attachment, that, that secure base within yourself, it all feels

Speaker 1:

shaky. Yeah. And it, it does feel shaky. I mean, to the point where I've had times where I'm like, I even when I'm trying to manifest, you know, something very concrete like a house, I'm like, that's not my house. Like it's someone's idea of, of a house or it's, and it's an idea of what I would, what I would really want to be. But I, I mean I think that there's, there is a false sense, not a false sense, but a very infant like seed in myself of like what that looks like. And I think instead of me being like, Oh, you should know, I'm trying to be willing to say that's going to grow within you as you're beginning to find confidence in this new way of having a conversation with yourself. And this is very, I mean, I'm kind of talking about this real time. This is very new. This like started after our conversation about natural beauty, and this will be out by then, but really talking about , um, self-reliance and kind of realizing that my, even my understanding of self-reliance had a lot to do about, you know, I should be living, I should be able to be self-reliant versus , um, being willing to be tender with myself or like see , see the moments where I'm, I'm not feeling reliant and having that be just susceptible and just as normal as when I'm feeling very empowered. Um, and that's , uh, those two things. There's good and bad, bad to be vulnerable, good to be reliant. And even I can , I've said this to myself over and over again. I'm very vulnerable online, but there's parts of myself, I'm more vulnerable with other people than I am with myself. Maybe, you know? And, and now that's probably time for me to go inward. So as you're back back to, you're talking about manifesting , um, what does it feel like to manifest in a way that opens yourself up for possibility that you might not even be able to like begin to?

Speaker 2:

Hmm . Is that even a Rick question? Oh no, that's a good question. You know, you know, something that , um, as I was preparing to talk about this, I was thinking about the importance first of just making the space to even reflect. Yeah. So to even start to tinker with these things, we need to slow down enough. We need to carve out some space to even reflect. And I don't, I think many of us don't even have that time. And I think that that's one of the gifts of therapy is like, it just forces you to sit down and like reflect and connect and think about your past and make new connections. And so, you know , I think that's a good recommendation for you at, you know, wherever you're listening to, this is just to , to carve out some time to journal and reflect about this last decade. Um, what, what went well, what didn't go so well? What are you really proud of? What are you kind of, you know, ashamed about? Um, and just kinda , you know, see where, where it goes. So that's, that's like, that will, is kind of a first step I think is like carving out some time.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. I think that's real . Let's, let's write this down as like homework, right? Yeah . You know, and it doesn't have to be long. It doesn't need to be like whole night. Right. We could probably break it down. You know, I like to do it in the morning, so when there are people like to do at night , um, but I think, yeah, remembering that it might feel uncomfortable, that's why it feels like a big task, but the, the act of scheduling, it probably doesn't require too much. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Um, but then in terms of like, how do we, how do we manifest? Right . Um, I don't know. Sometimes I, sometimes I, I have a conflicted relationship with that idea and that thought because sometimes I think people , um, bypass themselves in this idea of manifesting. And so what I mean is they're like, I should just think myself into it or I should just like make this happen. But they kind of skip their , their vulnerabilities or their unique struggles or their pain and because they skip over that, they don't manifest it and then they beat themselves up. So

Speaker 1:

even manifesting what you, what you need if you're not kind of really connected. Yeah, yeah. I identify with that. You know, we were talking about me not even really knowing my feelings wheel like there I had like very like normal, like there was like, I'm like, I have four feelings. Some of them are completely missing, like sadness is missing on here. And I'm like, I know that I am a, I'm a very, I can be very melancholy and it's kind of something I like about myself, but I'm not, I'm not allowing myself to just be sad, you know? And in that sense, like if I, if that's not coming through or if that's something we suppress , um, how do I really fully know what like, what I need to feel to feel full or like what do I even know what the potential is if that's not something I'm allowing myself to feel. Um, and that might be why I do have blocks between like what I really want in the future. And I think that's why I've had such a hard time with Whitten delight too and accepting the fact that this is a thing is like, you know, somehow I'm unworthy or somehow I'm unable to like appreciate where I'm at because I'm not fully like embracing parts of myself that are related to it and I don't even know where to begin with it. I mean, you , we, I have no idea even where to begin to talk about it, but I do know that there's a sense of conflict with, you know, getting to this point in my life and some nebulous idea of what it should have been that I can't even put my finger on it. All it is, is just, it's

Speaker 2:

discourse. It's, I mean, it's complicated, right? Yeah . You have so many different feeders. Yeah . One of the things I think is helpful for people to know about is this idea of cognitive schemas . So it's essentially like the , um, the glasses that we wear that are influenced by our previous experiences, memories kind of, usually they're persistent experiences that tend to call her our experience of the world. Okay. In patterned ways. Interesting. Um, so common, Oh, go ahead. And we probably like to find like those glasses because it helps us make sense of things. Well, I'll tell , I'll share with you what the domains are. Okay. Usually they're not very enjoyable. Oh , okay. So the , the, the, the biggies are , um , rejection, the glasses of rejection. So you are feeling defective, alienated or mistrusting. Oh , I know that feeling. You tend to see things that way , um, related to performance. So you commonly feel like a failure or incompetent , um, impaired limits. So maybe you don't have good self control or you feel entitled other directedness. So you may be , are submissive, self-sacrificing , approval seeking or recognition seeking. So I'm laughing because this is like this very comfortable territory for me one day and then over vigil over vigilance or inhibition and that could be pessimism, emotional inhibition or hyper criticalness. And I always found those things as like, I was proud of that because like I'm going to look at every way this could go wrong so I can avoid it. But then that's like, that's my view of things, you know, like, and I would almost be like I'm being so optimistic, like kind of like seeing that as a negative thing, which is directly related to like being open to things in your life. But here's the thing is that we develop that like tint of glasses for a reason. Okay. If you have pervy pervasive experiences of being rejected for some reason or you have , um, you know, a lot of you had to self sacrifice your needs all the time due to a mentally ill parent or whatever it is. There's a reason they developed. Yeah. But if it's not unchecked and you continue to see the world, that way you will not manifest what you want or you will not manifest something that challenges that because all you're seeing is what confirms it. I'm like, my mind is like, you know what I mean? That is , um , that's really resonating with me. [inaudible] yeah. And so then that's why it's really important to engage and start to do work. And so, you know, one of the things you'd asked and preparing is this idea of that kind of future, future self journaling. And essentially the idea of that is, is written mental rehearsal. Okay . And any kind of the way we challenge these kind of cognitive schemas is one way is a , what I would call a cognitive behavioral triad . So if you picture a triangle, it's thoughts, behaviors, and feelings. Okay. And these are all the different ways that we challenge our schemas. Okay. That, yeah, that, that makes sense. That's something I'm beginning to understand is the relationship between the two and how they can, yeah. The interesting thing though is that we cannot control our feelings are our behavior influences our feelings, our thoughts influence our feelings, our thoughts influences our behavior, which influences our feelings. It's this reset reciprocal thing . Yeah . But if you're wanting to manifest new things in your life, you're going to really wanting to be, you're going to want to focus on working with your a lot, with your thoughts and a lot with your behaviors that challenge directly the Schemos you have

Speaker 1:

that aren't working for you. That makes so much sense. And a lot of us and I, before I really began to think about, Oh, thoughts I get , I'm going to work on my thoughts around this was like I just have to feel differently. And I hear people say this all the time, like I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't, you know , I just have to feel differently. And like, that's something that you can like force and for whatever reason, maybe it because it is a physical thing that we understand and know and we think our thoughts are, there's just so many of them that it's hard to control that we go directly to stifling the feeling before considering the thought or the action. Yup . Yeah. I think that that's sort of a gut reaction for a lot of lot of us. And you can't control your feelings. Yeah. Yeah. But you've got to work with your thoughts and you can work with your behavior. If anything, I would say that behavior is the easiest one to work with. Okay . You can't stop thinking right there . Yup . We're just going to , we keep having an a dialogue . We can um , work on creating more distance between ourselves and our thoughts. So there's a little bit more objectivity, but behavior is the easiest, easiest one to work with. So let's say for instance, you are imagining in a party that you will be rejected by this new group. The way to challenge your schema would be to go up to a person and try to have a conversation. Even though you believe like they are judging you, they don't think you're good enough. They're judging your outfit, whatever it is, you challenge that scheme , you go up, you have a conversation and you start to build experiences that challenge your schema enough that then it starts to shift. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like you have, you have to be brave enough to trust that the outcome could be different than what you believed is already true. I believe my scheme has to be like the architecture of those. I mean I clinged to them like truth and because they, I feel like they've served me well. Like that pessimism that like, you know, concerned about being judged, that like the ability to, you know, I think , um, not be overconfident has always been something that has been celebrated. And I'm at a point in my life where they, they really are. They're indirect conflict with what's needed for me to step into a life that is here. Yup . And, and I think that's why I feel such a such so out of place sometimes in my own life. And I would challenge that they've served you well. I would say they've probably protected you. Yes. In some ways, but that they haven't , um , served all of you well protected me from what protected me or not, you know, limited me from, from think from experiences that might have been, you know, really transformative because I was afraid of, of what, what stepping through that threshold might be. But if you, but again, the school is for , for all of these, they don't like blossom out of nowhere. Yeah. If you've had experiences

Speaker 2:

where owning your gifts led to rejection 100%, yeah. Then you're going to find a workaround. Yup . So that doesn't happen again because that felt really painful.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. Yeah. And it's , um, it's so embedded in how I think things work that I, I don't even think I would have been able to identify that pattern without getting some distance from. Why do I act with the way I do in response to a feeling and, and how do I, how do I understand my feelings and understand the nuances of the feelings that I'm possibly not willing to feel cause you know, consciously and, and let them kind of , um, let those patterns be revealed. Is it true that you need to see, kind of understand those patterns before you're able to challenge your schema? Or could it be like a hunch? I think it could be a hunch. Okay. Yeah. A lot of mine are hunches I don't think you have to understand at all. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't really have any interest in like going back to my past to understand. I mean, I feel like I've unpacked that, you know, I feel very much at peace with it now. It's like now it's about tools going forward and tools with kind of, okay, I know now I'm in a place where , um , I need to make decisions for my future and kind of trust a future in a different way than I have in other, in other periods of who I've been. You know, in the beginning of this decade is just a very different, it's a very calm and peaceful and drama free experience. And I, I can say most of my life has not been without a lot of intensity and you know, I look for ways to create chaos because I'm comfortable in it, you know, whether it's like, Oh, we're going to make a couple of the financial decisions that are going to make this chaotic because you know, you thrive in it. It's like, okay, like I'm ready to stop those patterns, but it's, it can be scary

Speaker 2:

and it can be really , um, you know, messy or tangled about like what is this? Is this impulsivity related to ADHD? Right . Is this self sabotage? Yup . Yes . This just on tired and I made a bad choice. Like, you know, yeah . It can be hard to pull out, tease apart like what is this really? But you know, another thing I want to kind of say is that I'm thinking of myself and in previous times being super controlling and like feeling like I have to like plot out my healing and like direct it really intensely. Like we, our soul and our psyche and our heart has so much inherent wisdom about the pace in which we can go, the way in which we can unfold things, what we can handle, that we can trust, that we're going to digest and integrate things at a pace that our whole self can handle. And I didn't know that at an earlier age. I thought I had to force it and make it happen and make myself go. I didn't know that I could the unfolding of

Speaker 1:

my own healing. And so that's something I want to say to you is that you can trust it. There's, there's timing, there's pace, but also like there's a difference between that and just like totally avoiding it altogether, which I've also done. Yeah. Yeah. I mean those are sort of two extremes that, you know , you kind of think, Oh, this is a logical way to handle gray areas and just sitting with the feeling. It's another thing that I've been really trying to do is when I have lows or when I, when I have, you know, just icky days, you know, I've been tracking my mood that it's like just okay for this day to be, you know, what it is and, and for it to just not be okay . You know, and, and you know, you're having a bad day. That doesn't mean that you, that you don't show up in the smallest way possible for yourself because the bad days are just part of the journey. Um, and they become a lot less scary. They become a lot less up. Well, here comes a bad day again. It's gonna fuck up my plans and I had all this plant, these plans to do it. You know, I got sick last week and things got behind and it's one of the first weeks I haven't been like frazzled on a Monday and you know, feeling like I have to do everything. It's like there's time for us to kind of just rework some things you needed to sleep, you know? And, and that, that's so new for me. Um, and, and the, the trust that there is that by just letting myself be sick and letting myself have a day where I was like groggy and depressed and like believing that the next day would be different. I mean I probably changed the approach, change the way that that thing played out just by embracing the low and not trying to, not trying to like, you know, fix it and do all this stuff. I just sort of was like, yup , you can get out of bed, you can like eat a good meal, you know, that's it and you have to cancel the one thing that you had. You don't have to do anything else. Well, and it kind of connects to what we were talking about before we started recording about this idea that when we kind of just like let go a little bit, that it works itself out more naturally. And as we think about like where we thought our life was gonna be and where we want it to go, and if we have such a tight grip about where it's supposed to go, that it just kind of shuts down the, like the flow. Um , Anna's doing , um, some like physical example , she's like an unclenching her fists and it brings up something I like to do when I'm like trying to be within my body when things are happening. Um, I love Tara Brock , uh , her meditations and she has ones where she helps you find space like in your femurs and in your stomach and um, kind of connecting with your body. For me, how it really helps like make space for that emotion. And I think when we do our homework and go and think about, you know, the experiences that we've had over the past year following it up with a meditation about like kind of being within yourself might kind of help the tension that comes up. Like I get it in my jaw, I get it in my fists , it's been something I go to and I actually, I don't find it all that relaxing until I go through it. I don't want to think about the space in my stomach or like I find a lot of resistance there and it's like, Oh, that's where the tension is. That reminds me of a way I think people see a way people can check in with themselves when they're thinking about envisioning their next decade and from a really authentic and intuitive place and it's doing a body test. So it's, you know, I think we can be very heady. Yes. We think about like this is what I want and these are my goals. And it's like, okay, maybe you start there, but then picture what you just wrote down and like sit with it in your body. And see how you feel. Um , I'm one I'm doing that tonight. Yeah . Like you clench. Do your , does your stomach, like, do you get like, do you feel anxious? Do you feel hot? You know, versus you maybe write a vision down and there's like a releasing or relaxing , uh , like a soothing feeling. I trust my body 100%. Oh, I'm so , there's so many things I have never done anything like this. Yep . I would trust that 100%. In fact, the first time my anxiety manifests itself as a kid, I was 13 and I couldn't eat. Like I like physically would get like sick and , um, I like, I , I like collapsed on stage during a dance competition in front of like a thousand people. And I like, it was like my body was shutting down and it was in, it just, that has always been something. That's the first thing to kind of , um, express that love that maybe a guided meditation, guided meditation. That would be amazing. Record that from you. Uh, but yeah, so the homework would be fine . Find time and space to reflect on the past decade. Um, make space for you to release. Um, get in touch with, with how you're physically feeling and then the manifestation about your future. Begin to try on versions of your future, see how you feel. Just body check your end of your process. It'll be a wonderful gift to yourself. Um, you also don't have to do this in December. You know, January is a great time for reflection. I do a lot of my reflection after Christmas in between new years . Um, and hold this lightly. There's a lot of pressure around like new year, new body, new life, new blah blah, blah, like hold this lightly because if you do like the truth is going to flow, it's going to be able to come to you a little bit more easily. So just don't put pressure on yourself but do prioritize checking in because you know, when we set these intentions they are more likely to manifest and I love this visual to go along with like holding lightly. This is from gay Hendricks who coined the term zone of genius and really helps high-performing people connect with their, their passions and their, their skill. He said, finding, finding your zone of genius or finally finding where your truth flows is a lot like , um , a hose. And what we're trying to do with , uh , the way that we're kind of making room for feelings is to put water through the hose, but unkink the hose so it can flow. And a lot of times that kink, what we do when there's a kink is that we pour more water into it. And at the end of the, you know, the beginning of the year , we're like ramped up and doing this and I'm gonna like push my way through it. That's like turning up the hose when you got a kink in the hose itself, you know. And so when, you know, an Anna says, hold this lightly, you know, imagine water flowing freely like that. That's what we want to, I think, feel in our, in our bodies or feel within kind of how this is coming to us , um , as, as you approach it through the rest of the next year. Um, and it's, I think it's a nice way of thinking about caring for yourself and also , um, you know, just pacing yourself in this work because like you and I, you can work really hard itself at self care and you know, really hard at self-help, but you will burn out just like everything else going to manifest the shit out the opposite of what it's supposed to read . Oh my gosh. Okay. Well, yeah , on that note, we're going to wrap up today. Thank you guys for being with us and being part of these conversations. You know, where to find Dr. Anna Roth at Dr. Anna Roth on Instagram. Um, our links will all be in the show notes. Um, love to hear from you. As you think about how you are going to be manifesting for the person you will be blossoming into in 2020. Um, you, you can also head on over to winton.com , uh , to see a lot of different essays from our contributors all on this idea of manifestation and growing into our future selves. Um, we're really excited to , um, say goodbye to this decade with , um, good thoughts on good things and bad things that have happened to us. So we will talk to you later. Thanks. Happy new year.