Broken Tiles

"You're A Slow Processor....I'm Just Pissed" Episode 7: Giving Space During an Argument

• Brian & Stacey Upton • Season 1 • Episode 7

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Brian & Stacey break down their trip to Florida..

The questions range from giving space when upset or talking it out, what the next chapter is in their relationship and what common values are shared. 

The Spotify Blend game is interrupted....by the winner. 

"Only Murders In the Building" is reviewed using the new "Tile" scale. 

Brian's question has them both solving all the world's most pressing issues. 

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Brian Upton:

This is the broken tiles Podcast. started the whole thing without telling you. Yeah, now, I was in the middle of something, but that's okay. I'm here. How are you?

Stacey Upton:

Good. It's been a very busy week. But it's been good.

Brian Upton:

Let's do a quick review of we did a podcast last week from Florida. That's right.

Stacey Upton:

Why don't we do a little quick review of that trip?

Unknown:

Oh, well, there were so many adventures we did.

Stacey Upton:

It was beautiful. We've been to Florida before, but not that area. No. And I think we did a podcast in the middle of some of the adventures. I think it was halfway through. And we had out that that point, experienced the boat trip out to egg monkey. And we had gone to St. Pete pear for dinner. And I think that's when we did the podcast with the kids. We had that experience. But we still had a lot of fun things to do. And I think we became big fans of that area we did. Kind of like when we retire is that might that might be where we go. Yeah, I've always had it in that.

Brian Upton:

The so obvious category of life, like you retired, you move to Florida. But watching Go ahead.

Unknown:

I was just gonna say yeah, now I get it. It seemed like a

Brian Upton:

you know, just the tired story. But I, I'm on board. But when you're watching that sunset, over the Gulf of Mexico at Pasic, real beach with a rum and soda, I think you had staying on diet a little bit. I went for the full Roman Diet Coke and broke off. There was it was minor. And it was a vacation. It was and we always give ourselves a little bit of latitude on that, you know, when we it's well, one, it's almost impossible to stay on point when you're traveling like that. And that's very true. But overall, I think the trip was to a part of the country we'd never been not that we hadn't been to Florida. But we've done the eastern side, the classic sort of, I've been to Lauderdale for spring break back in the day. We taken the family down there to Disney World, once on our own. And then once with the past goals, I think the family right, that was a great trip. Actually. It was a lot of fun. Yeah. And forever ago. Yeah.

Unknown:

Does keep moving. We leave

Brian Upton:

as fans of that area. And I think we'll talk about it maybe a little bit more later in the podcast. You know, some of the specifics of places we went and things that we didn't maybe some small recommendations, or not depends on how fast the game goes. I guess that's true. Yeah. So update on the kind of where we're at with the podcast right now. Rolling Along. This will be episode seven. I think that's right, Episode Seven, we, this one will put us over 1000 downloads. And that's a big number. It's a big number. And I think like you talked about last week, probably one we can drift away. I think we're excited kind of how quick it got there. But it's just got its own little kind of groove right now. And it's stretching out. And I think we're starting to get a little diversity as far as where it's being played. We'll jump back in every once in a while and kind of update some of the unique cities as I need time anyways to investigate the Folsom prison situation.

Stacey Upton:

Well, I think this is a nice opportunity to just say thank you to people that are listening and maybe sharing with other people they know because I'm I for 1am a bit taken aback by the fact that so many people have downloaded and it's been kind of fun to watch.

Brian Upton:

And I think the next step we want to take is on your recommendation. I'm going to bust open a Instagram page, we already have a Twitter account for the broken tiles podcast. I think what we want to do is make it a little bit easier for people to connect share when some of these games that we're giving away rather than even email us you know, I think that you had the idea when we were traveling like let's just open up a couple of those socials. And then the ask is a little bit simpler to go to broken tiles on Instagram, and Twitter or Twitter. The and basically just like and share it from there and then you're in our universe. or we can draw winners for the prizes from social media more than having that extra step of dropping an email.

Unknown:

Yeah. And then we could just direct message somebody. Can you do that on Twitter? I don't use Twitter.

Stacey Upton:

Yeah, there's messaging, all the All of that's very that that part is, once you're in that universe, it's very easy to basically kind of either DM them or ask them that they won the game, and then can open up the conversation, and then we can get their information for intelligent change to get the game out. And we'll be sending out our seventh prize this week. And that just kind of keeps moving along. Okay, so I think we've been in a groove lately. I think the pace of it's been much better and so.

Unknown:

All right, our first question of this podcast. Again, we're using our intelligent change. Let's get closer game, the green level, which is close. The question is, what is our strongest common value? And how does it connect us?

Brian Upton:

It's an our question. Yeah.

Unknown:

And so to make this slightly easier, I did pull up a list of values, core values. So you know, if you had a little trouble trying to pin something down here, you

Stacey Upton:

likely will and I think, take a second. And I don't think we circled back to it last week, but we had the couple of weeks before. I just think it's the dip back into us trying to expand these direct questions to each other. Talk a little bit about as we try to expand it into the universe of what the specific you are questions could mean in a relationship.

Unknown:

Right. So it's, I think it can be helpful to really get a sense of what a common value is within a couple, or a family or, you know, whatever. Maybe even a friendship, whatever relationship it is you're trying to focus on, because it helps you find common ground. And when times are challenging, and also in the good times as well.

Stacey Upton:

Do you think that a question like this repeat the question to me again,

Unknown:

what is our strongest common value?

Stacey Upton:

Before I even answer in probably killing some time here? Because it's a big question. I wonder also, if we drift away from each other, in relationships, not, we always say not asking these questions, but not kind of being open to these type of doors that you don't open in relationships. Or maybe you do early in the dating phase, not saying this. No one would phrase a question like this in the first date. But you are a lot of times in the early part of the relationship much more eager to get out what makes somebody tick, what are they all about? I think it drifts away.

Unknown:

Yeah, you may be right, unless you're actively working to not allow that to drift away.

Stacey Upton:

Right. And I think when I say that, I think of the times where we have been disconnected and we're apart, we can probably narrow it down to have we gotten away from caring about that.

Unknown:

Oh, that could very well be. And it also could be that maybe there are new values at play in one's life during different seasons of one's life. You know, for a family with kids, when you're in those years, where it's really a grind. Getting the kids out the door to school and staying on top of all of their needs, and maybe working. And there's just so much going on. It's like a marathon. And when you're in that kind of a grind. It is very easy to become disconnected and your values may shift because right now, well, maybe adventure was a value early on, right? We don't have time for adventure right now because we are just focusing on getting the kids through school. That's an example of how that might shift

Stacey Upton:

we're seeing so far away from the question right now, but it makes me think of a conversation I had with Greg, who's my boss, and we talk a lot of times about we're in such different stages. Our kids are 3020 God thinks 26 and 2425. And we've mentioned quite a few times that It doesn't end. But what you do get is you do get a kind of a reconciliation and a reconnect with your significant other. When time allows it. We're not chasing them to practice, we're not getting food on the way home. A lot of times I'll give Greg advice. And it's kind of bullshit, because I'll even stopped myself in the middle of our conversation going, not for now, yeah, this doesn't work for you. In this mode,

Brian Upton:

I talked about the diet and the shit we're doing. And he looks at me like I'm out of my mind. And then I and then I realized, there is no time. And I realized, they immediately clicked to the thought of a game ending at 845. And we're in Syracuse, and we've got an hour and 20 minute hour and 15 minute drive. And there's bags and Wendy's in the car, and we're eating Taco Bell, or Taco Bell, or whatever served the purpose on the way back. And so my advice on the other side, that's very, that's kind of really in the the, the, the macro, kind of, but you know what I'm talking about that, I think that if you're in it for the long haul of the game, that time does come back to you sort of that lingering time when you're first meeting somebody, you're in the shitshow, of raising the kids for a while. And some of the depths of the relationship, do take a little bit of a backseat, because of the honest to God like just the schedule.

Unknown:

Yeah. And I was just thinking about, you know, what about relationships where they don't have kids, I think there still are times when the focus isn't necessarily on each other as it was in the beginning. Because life takes a hold. And we allow things to sort of get away from us for a while. But that's why I love questions like this, because it can, it brings you back to Oh, yeah. Why are why are we in this relationship together? Again, what are the things that are important to us? How do we connect

Brian Upton:

in you, I could not agree with you more, it's actually a really good point. And I think it's fair to say, we're always dealing from our perspective. But to be honest with you, the same elements of distraction apply to people with or without kids, as far as the grind of a job, maybe accumulating debt, you know, mortgages, things, whatever it may be, all of those things have the tendency to assail, you're kind of like, the selfish connection you want to have with that person that you like. So that was an overwhelming list on your phone. It just died. But I did see one that keyed me to the other ones, the one that jumped out at me from the list as far as the cheat code is humor. And if that's one I take that. The other one I think of is we talked about on the podcast and in life is empathy. Would that count?

Unknown:

Sure. That's a value, I think, I think that's a strong value we both have in common.

Brian Upton:

And then the last one, I guess I'm talking for myself, I'm trying to think the question was,

Unknown:

are what is our strongest common value? Oh,

Brian Upton:

well, probably not humor. Empathy is way up there, if that is one, and I think the other one we just talked about this today, as a relates to a work situation that I was in and one last week that brings up sort of the dregs of you know, sometimes interactions, not just at work, but in in public or whatever. Sort of diminish your faith in humanity, it can happen. It can happen at a coffee house can happen at work, it can happen it sure wherever it is, but I think the I think if people if authen TriCity was a choice, I think we both value that in somebody else, if that's a choice. If that word is a choice, that would be an hour. Sure

Unknown:

that's a value. I like that. Those are not ones I had thought of, but they definitely are common values far as the one that came to my mind. And I think connectedness is what interesting. Yeah, like connection being connected to each other in some way. We that seems like it's a common strong value for us.

Brian Upton:

And I liked it that direction, because I think this question is sort of a pivot from the me i My perspective, my answer is this and then we branch out to what it is. I think it very well might be the first our question that this game has asked.

Unknown:

Well, there's a second part to this. Okay. How does it connect us?

Brian Upton:

Probably gets into the system sphere of the obvious, you know, the ones we brought up at least don't don't confuse me too much. How does it connect us? Humor breaks down barriers. alleviates See, some of the takes the air out of the pressure of a day life, whatever it may be authenticity, just I don't know how much you need to describe how important that core value or achievement is. Because it makes everything else easier.

Unknown:

Yeah, you're not putting up a pretense and creating something that doesn't exist, you just are as you are,

Brian Upton:

right? And I really, I imagine if you know me, you can feel it in the room, if, if I feel authenticity, there's it's almost electric. Like, I think you would be able to feel that I feel chemistry with people that are authentic. And I feel like I don't need to say it. Go ahead. You're itchin.

Unknown:

I am. So we bring this up a lot. There was a friend of yours visiting who brought another friend once we just talked about this. Maybe even today. I think his name was Jesse. And you guys were having a conversation. And use I don't even remember what the conversation was about. You said something. And he said, Oh, I'm sorry. Can you say that? Again? I was actually thinking about what I was going to say next. And I Oh, that was interesting. Sorry about that out. And I didn't hear you is what he said. That was authentic. He was allowing himself to be very humble in that moment and say, Oh, hey, I'm not paying attention. How often does that happen? And that endeared him to me. I thought that was amazing. It

Stacey Upton:

endeared him to you. It, it took the very intense conversations we were having. And it took the edge off of some of the conversations we were having in our living room about it. And it's a story that we don't go much more than six months, 12 months without bringing up in a conversation or talking about it in some form, because it's something that we all struggle with. Yes. Can you say what you said again, I wasn't listening, because I was thinking about what I was going to say next. I think I remember saying like, dude, thank you. You did we're saying that because it's going to slow me down because I do that shit all the time. You know, less and less. I try to be present. Try to listen, but that was good. i Are we on to the next question. We have a little break here though. Okay. You called me out on something? I did. I made a promise.

Unknown:

Very first episode. What did I say? You said you were going to play different versions of your favorite AHA song.

Brian Upton:

I think I said I had millions of versions. Did we have millions of fans? Millions of versions of Take on me. And a serial killer. Downloads our podcasts in prison facts? Just straight facts.

Stacey Upton:

So far from back.

Brian Upton:

What does this remind you of before I fade it out? We go on to the next question. This version. This broken down version of take her voice audition?

Unknown:

Yeah. Her audition for the voice which was spectacular. But they didn't accept

Stacey Upton:

no, but she made it very far in the beauty that was that she broke that down that way she did. It was really it was really a lot of fun. Like gave me the chills. You know what else gives you the chills? What? Yes.

Brian Upton:

Questions. Questions give you the chill.

Unknown:

They do. Okay, are you ready? We're moving on to the closer level. When you are upset? Do you want me to give you space or talk to you?

Stacey Upton:

Do you want to answer this? Or do I? I mean, we're gonna we know the answer. I think you want space. Yeah, I want to be on a different planet.

Unknown:

Yeah. And it's funny because I want to talk well, maybe that's not funny. I think that's the crux of the issue.

Stacey Upton:

And there's a big difference between you and I, you're a slow processor. I am. And I'm just pissed. Yeah.

Unknown:

I need time. But that doesn't mean I need space. I just need to think about it before I formulate my answer, but I want to talk about it. Don't you leave because this is happening.

Stacey Upton:

What you underestimate? Is the burden of being right all the time. Oh, gosh. Are we mansplaining again?

Brian Upton:

I didn't do that you that is you bringing that up? I'm just telling you when every word you say is correct. And somebody a sales my point of view. Yeah, I need some space. I see, you know why it was a great idea stays

Unknown:

why? You know, the because it was yours. Right?

Brian Upton:

So the, this is a quick one, and then we'll bridge into your answer, then we'll bridge further out to this is a quickest question fastest answer we've had but probably the biggest issue to dive into for sustaining any relationship. I mean, this is a quick one to answer i, i inappropriately look for space.

Unknown:

I don't know that inappropriately is necessary,

Brian Upton:

but I'm not doing it for the positive reasons. There's my point, like, when I get space, I'm not necessarily going like, I'm gonna go meditate. I'm gonna process it. I'm just pissed.

Unknown:

Yeah, but here's what I've learned in my held on my fifth, almost 53 years,

Brian Upton:

way more than halfway there?

Unknown:

Well, what I've learned, what I have observed maybe a better way to say it, is that sometimes being mad? Well, that's valid. And if you're mad in that moment, okay, that's what you are. Right? You know, as long as it doesn't manifest into some physical altercation. That's very different. But being mad is not a bad thing, necessarily. Sometimes we get mad, we have emotions. And that's okay. It's a matter of how those emotions may be expressed. Because then it can create a problem, right? And it's hard if you're flooded with an emotion to maintain enough control to not act on that flooding of emotion.

Brian Upton:

So we are poster children for the dilemma. I want to not be around you, you want to talk about it?

Unknown:

Yeah, absolutely. I wonder? Well, I would imagine many people experienced this. But I think it really helps to have a conversation about it at a time when you're not fighting or, you know, you know, when it gets to this type of a situation, a time when everybody's calm, and say, Okay, here's, here's what I need. What do you need? And then how can we figure out to make sure we're giving each other what they need?

Brian Upton:

Right. And I think it goes to, almost to that math equation we talked about, where my opposition level doesn't meet the level of your basically the reward level. And that might not have been the exact way we described it. But this might be a situation where if you have that dilemma in a relationship in one wants to, there's a difference between wanting space and never talking about it, and wanting somebody wanting to talk about it in the timing of when they want to talk about it. I'm not an expert, we, you know, you're a health educator, you're not an expert in this field. But my gut feeling is like that should be one of those 5140 Nights, give that person a little space. You know, because the downside of trying to continue that conversation with somebody that does not want to talk about it could create a cavernous void.

Unknown:

Yeah, it's an uphill battle. And early on, I think I, I really tried to make you have that conversation in those moments. And it never ended. Well, it was I ended up in tears every time it was not good.

Stacey Upton:

Yeah. And I also, if it was done the wrong way, different stages of our relationship. Some of that I could carry for months.

Unknown:

Yeah. And you say different stages of our relationship. I think it's also different stages of our growth and development. We we kind of grew up together because we got married young.

Stacey Upton:

That's exactly what I meant to say. But yeah, I'm not. And then

Unknown:

that's not true. But I want to point out one more thing. So this says, when you are upset, do you want me to give you space or talk to you? One other thing that often happens and you like to do, and I think there are many people that like to do this is they want to fix the situation. So it may not be somebody's upset because of a fight. Maybe they're upset about something else. And they all they need to do is just talk about it, or maybe figure out how to solve it on their own. But very often somebody else comes in and well let's do this. Did you do this? Let's you know, we can fix it like this. And that's not what's needed. Sometimes that's kind of grading right away, right? It dismisses the pain that the other person is experiencing, and that can actually feel really good disrespectful. It's what it is, at least it seems like this to me. It's somebody saying, I'm really uncomfortable because you're upset. So I want to fix this right now. It's not saying it's not being empathetic. It's saying, I don't like this, I need to change it is what it feels like. Thank you.

Brian Upton:

That's your first one. Because you know what, what was a really good answer? The last bit I want to tag on that is, like a introspection as I look at myself in that question. Now, there's growing up is, is the key word there? The end result question makes me realize, for a long period of time 2018 1920 21, then we get into our relationship is I wanted to be I was confounded. I wanted to just be right, nothing else. Nothing else. Because I just wanted to be right now so pissed that somebody I almost joked about it, you know, sailing it. I've gotten better at that, because I started kind of giving myself in my 20s and 30s, you kind of start just by guess, things develop in perspective starts to kind of outweigh your stubbornness in your your limited perspective.

Unknown:

And maybe, I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, you can tell me if this is hitting the marker way away from it. But as you grow older and get better perspective, you also might have developed a more secure sense of who you are. And so to admit that maybe you're not right. feels far less threatening.

Stacey Upton:

Like, that's so onpoint

Unknown:

like, I could give two shits, right? It doesn't matter anymore. And that's

Stacey Upton:

going on the it's hard to put an exact date on it. But that's going on 15 years or whatever, where hope sorry, I don't know how that got in.

Unknown:

It's it's are you playing our game already? No,

Stacey Upton:

no, it's it is in there. But it's it's a it's an amazingly surprised appearance by big energy again, interesting. I don't know how the game set. But I don't know how that made its way in right there.

Unknown:

Well, it was a cute little ditty. Right.

Brian Upton:

But it does allow me to get to we have to pay a bill. There's been some confusion about now that pan-am is blowing up. And they're starting service again. Where exactly do they go and not going? It's overwhelming. It's easier for me to let you know the one place they don't go. Guess what this commercial like this?

Unknown:

I have no idea. 10 seconds. Oh, this is better than what we've done. A little reminder, from Pat, we can take you to every continent in the world, except one. Antarctica.

Brian Upton:

That's the commercial. as much research as I had time to do last week was not where they go. Or they don't get the luxury that you can have, but where they do not go

Unknown:

speaking of Antarctica, and a common value of adventure.

Brian Upton:

I'm interested. Well,

Unknown:

you know where I'm going with this? I do not, we've decided where you want to go to Antarctica, you got that? Right.

Brian Upton:

I didn't know where you're going. Tell a little bit about it.

Unknown:

Well, written, this is a, this is a big trip. And it's a bit more costly than the trips we normally do. So we decided, okay, we're going to start saving for it. And it's going to be a several years out. But then we realize the trip that we want to do means that we will be sailing from Argentina. Is that correct? That's correct to Antarctica, and then getting off putting our feet on the Antarctica and kayaking somewhere.

Stacey Upton:

And I'll get more of the details for the next one. So we'll tease a little bit going for existence, the fun. I think part of this is reaching out. And maybe a lesson here is that you kind of like there's no reason to stop sort of like future casting and dreaming together. And that's just one big one. And I think I put it off to the back end of all of our budgeting at first at first and then I looked at the trip that you wanted us to reserve in. I looked at the energy that's involved in this particular one, which is taking soil samples getting on land taking kayak trips. You're not just seeing Antarctica. Yeah, we don't want to be in our 60s doing this.

Brian Upton:

I don't think I don't think we want to be too far out. Yeah. So it's better to be put on the front end after you're here to kind of put in an article on the on the board. So

Unknown:

that's our plan Okay, under question number three, the closest Are you ready?

Stacey Upton:

No, not because I haven't done one of mine yet. Oh, you want to do yours first? Yeah, I want to do one of mine. Next potential sponsor if is the book questions for the game of life. We've been having fun with this one breaking it up. Yeah. If you can resolve any single dispute anywhere in the world, what would you solve? Oh, my goodness. There's so much.

Brian Upton:

I think it'd be fair, because it's kind of catching us at a left. I think it'd be fair to possibly expand that question, too. If you could solve one thing. Oh, yeah. And that if you have something that yeah, climate change. You want the world to stop getting warmer?

Unknown:

Yeah. I would like the the forest fires and the floods, and all the turmoil. I'd like to stop all that. I'd like to think about the fact that maybe our grandkids and grandkids, great grandkids and great, great. grandkids and beyond, will have a planet to be on still.

Brian Upton:

I think it's know, the dog right now is laughing her waters so loud. I know. It's incredibly distracting to me. You mentioned global warming. Yeah. And the end of the planet, and she went and drank all the water out of her bowl. It's not happening right now.

Stacey Upton:

pretzels are making me thirsty.

Brian Upton:

Well, you brought up a feisty little dinner conversation that happened in Clearwater with Brian Upton and his son, Bailey, Upton Kinsey, and Kenzie and Stacy over climate change. Not for now. But it does elicit a ton of emotions on both sides. And I think that's a valid one. I don't know. I feel like I would like to do one solve one. Issue, or conflict, I guess is the exact question but I'll broaden it a little bit to if I can unwind it. And solve the problem of say, like armed conflict. Well, I feel like some pieces it's an impossible ask. I know that. But this we're playing the game, right? Yeah. The game would be if, yeah, unwinding all of like, the history we know. You know, the basic shit we know about, you know, human culture. 48 50,000 years, we stop basically hunting and gathering 10,000 years ago. Once we stop we start creating borders and we start protecting them in weapons evolve in I would stop armed conflict in its super flower in the rifle kind of thing you say? But shit, why not playing the game?

Stacey Upton:

We're playing a game and that brings one more thing to mind.

Brian Upton:

I was off to now. Yeah, I

Unknown:

want one more to solve our mental health our lack of resources and support for mental health in our country, and really probably across the world. I don't know that any anywhere, does it? Well.

Brian Upton:

I'm gonna take yours now. Okay, yeah. Well, no, I'll keep mine. I'll keep mine. Because I think or maybe you'll get rid of yours. Because if I do mind, maybe we'll have better mental health.

Stacey Upton:

Possibly.

Brian Upton:

That's guaranteed. Yeah.

Unknown:

Okay. Well, when you brought yours up, that spurned me to think of that so I think they're they may be related in some ways you could certainly say

Stacey Upton:

right, and were you onto last question. We're gonna do one fun thing. I'm going to surprise you. You are I love surprises. See if this rings a bell?

Unknown:

Yes, what is it? Only murders in the building.

Stacey Upton:

And we're going to start doing some reviews. On the podcast just for a little bit of fun because we do enough movies. You might have a book you want to read TV shows restaurants that might be appropriate in big cities. We did a little bit in San Francisco. But I thought what we do is we just do it on a flat one to 10 scale. And we'll do it like the one by pizza reviews, you can go to point four, you can go 7.8, you can really get specific get granular. And the way that we're going to do it is we're going to do it in tiles. So, you know, the obvious one would be, you know, one being one or zero being, you know, not much to talk about, and 10 being, you know, the best and stealing from all the other ones, you know, I think I even had a an idea kill some time, Stace.

Unknown:

Okay, so my question is, are we reading only murders in the building right now?

Brian Upton:

It's exactly what we're doing. Okay. And so well, we're, we're

Unknown:

in the midst of season two. Now.

Brian Upton:

I think for the purpose of this. What we'll do is nobody knows what we're talking about. It's on Hulu. It's on Hulu, and it stars Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez.

Unknown:

And they're all so good. It's really well cast and the dialogue is well done.

Brian Upton:

It's unbelievable. Three strangers share an obsession with true crime and suddenly find themselves wrapped up in one. When a grisly death occurs inside their exclusive Upper West Side apartment building. The trail suspects murder and employs their precise knowledge of true crime to investigate the truth, perhaps even more explosive are the lies that they tell to one another. Soon, the endanger trail comes to realize a killer might be living among them as they race to decipher the mounting clues before it's too late. That's the little BS summary of it. And it's brilliant.

Stacey Upton:

That and that summary does not do it justice.

Brian Upton:

No, I think it's the best we can do is just kind of like, you know, talk a little bit more like you said, the, the writing is quick, I think I would compare it to a movie that I really enjoyed called knives out, which is six 710 different plot lines. But, you know, concisely brought together, everything makes sense. All of the leads they follow up on as far as like the teasers they take they close

Stacey Upton:

everything up. Yeah. So what are you given it? I will give this oh, here's

Brian Upton:

00 to four tiles is broken.

Stacey Upton:

Yeah, I'm gonna say,

Brian Upton:

five to seven is quality or anything in eight, nine or 10 range is somewhat we're calling it a mosaic.

Unknown:

And I think this is a mosaic. I would give it a solid nine, maybe even a little higher. It's, it's really well done. I have not seen a single episode. That was disappointing. And the humor in it is, it's just great.

Brian Upton:

I'm gonna go just a little below you give myself some wiggle room. 8.5 is where I'm going on this one as far as that, and we'll post that up there. But we'll kind of start keeping track of these reviews. The other thing I want to call out is a friend of ours, Laura suggested that we make a Spotify playlist for the podcast, and throw all the music, all the comedians, everything we're thrown on. It's a great fucking idea. It was a great idea. And I told her that immediately, the podcast exists. It's public. It's called the broken tiles playlist, and it's on Spotify. And we'll just throw everything we think that's interesting from the show in there.

Stacey Upton:

Did you start it

Brian Upton:

yet? It's that it'll do a search for the broken tiles playlist. I will do that. Yeah. And then we'll just add the little fun things from the show but it was call out to a great we hear a great idea we'll do it this question where we get to get to entrance?

Unknown:

Okay, here we go. Closest. What is the next chapter in our relationship?

Stacey Upton:

As always, with every incredibly difficult question that gives me pause. You go first.

Unknown:

We're definitely into a new chapter. I kind of feel like we're, our kids are out of the house. They've been out of the house for a while. Oh, I think I would say our next chapter is really not to belabor this word, but adventure. You know, we're planning trips, we're planning bigger trips, because we have the time. And me I think that that's what it would have to be. That's my answer.

Stacey Upton:

Mine is going to be you know how I can get a little bit morbid with the time we have and specific data On the ages will live to, and how many years we've put in divided into what the world says we're going to live, I got every intention of living to 100 Yeah, we're eating enough beans and grains and vegetables are still live to 100 and fucking 50. Unless a truck hits us, that's what that's what makes the average. And so that's why you have to kind of Thank you. That's what so the average is real. I think this is in tune with it. Yes, that part of it. But I feel like the next chapter for us because we're still in the front end of it. So we be in the beginning of this next chapter in I feel the equity, we're into a chapter of like, equity, the whole balance in our relationship. And that's a very first for us.

Unknown:

Well, that is so true. And I think that's playing out almost every day right now.

Brian Upton:

And don't get me wrong, that makes it sound like this is gonna be very careful. There's been times where I've been in the ship, and I didn't feel equitable in the relationships. Other times I might have, you might have felt the same way about you're standing in the relationship. This isn't just at 50 years old, the view leveled up to mine, I'm talking about both of us over the whole time at different long periods of time, not having equal standing in the relationship. And so it's real sweet felt,

Unknown:

right. And when we're talking about not having equal standing, it's not about who's earning more money, or anything like that, or who's, who's the one putting in more time to deal with all the things that within the home, it's, it's kind of it could be all of that combined.

Brian Upton:

In fact, that would be one of the back ends of it, I'm just talking about looking across the room and having that sort of like baller kind of respect for somebody else that you just that we seem to give out more to others in our life than our partners sometimes because you kind of have a different standard at home, or different place we've come from, but just like in a business partnership, just like in coaching football, the minute you try to meet somebody where they're at and try to achieve that. And I think I'm a broken record on this on this podcast as far as the equity part. But I do circle back around to because my record is sort of undefeated in trying to achieve that. Not just in our relationship with with other people. It's it's a it's a goal to get to,

Unknown:

you know, you might say that is also a common value for us.

Brian Upton:

Equity. Yeah, I think it's a common value that I think the more I look at that question, going back to the first question, the game, I think it was, I'd look at that more as these ones that you saw, I always looked at life and like that video game where you're kind of jumping up and you're grabbing coins, you're jumping up and some of those levels are just harder than the other to, like the boss monsters have certain boss monster is a very quick reference that I would make where I'd lose you and probably 90% of the audience that at the end of each level of a video game, most like platform video games, you end up having a very big challenge at the end, it's going to be difficult puzzles to solve, you might make your way through at tunnel, jump, leap, grab things. But inevitably, you're going to run into a boss monster to get to the next level much harder, you know, to beat that. The only way to get past that boss monster is by learning the game repetition, sort of understanding what it takes to beat them generally doesn't happen on the first try. But I know I'm getting way around the point here. But I think some of these things are just like that some of these ones you grab, and you have them in common and they work. Some of these ones we talked about very difficult to achieve together. Sure, you know, in equity would be one that I would say was a difficult boss monster for us in oh, gosh, maybe we haven't beaten it yet. Maybe we're still we're in the baby. We're in the stages of I can see the end of that level. Or maybe maybe we have but I think some of those ones are harder than others to achieve.

Unknown:

Yeah. And I think equity it makes sense. It would be a boss monster. I've never heard that term before, because our society doesn't really uphold equity.

Brian Upton:

Explain that a little bit.

Unknown:

Well, equity. You can't say that there is equity between men and women in the workforce. And even among people of color. You know, there's a lot of you know, it's just a fact we've seen a play out time and time and time again. So defined equity. It's it's not an intuitive there are not we don't we don't see people modeling how to manage and create that often right? Occasionally, but not often.

Stacey Upton:

Yeah Are you ready to play the blame game and get out of here I am. Do we miss anything? Did you have anything on your we did miss something Yes we did not mention intelligent change that's kind

Brian Upton:

of a good move though because I think the more I we did actually at the beginning we kind of started out we didn't give the promo codes and all the other things but we did right out the gate mentioned that this is the game we pay intelligent change.

Unknown:

Well, let's mention the promo codes Go ahead. If you are interested in learning more about some of the games we play and some of the the wonderful products by intelligent change, I think I've mentioned in past episodes, The Five Minute Journal among other items that they have. Visit intelligent change.com and use promo code broken tiles 10

Brian Upton:

for 10% discount 10% stays

Unknown:

10% That's why it's called broken tiles 10

Stacey Upton:

Then I will have by the time this drops, we will make it easier on our side. Also will will go and open it up now the Twitter's open Instagram page will be open anything and everything to share the podcast get on there like the post that we do share it, download on Apple, do all those things and then we'll start accumulating. We really just wanted to be like super organic you I mean, like, just just find a way to share it, talk about it a little bit. And we'll find you and get you some free ship from intelligent change. Hey, this is the beginning of the game. But this is also one of the funniest moments we've ever had.

Unknown:

Oh, yes, this is such a great memory. So you hear this song?

Brian Upton:

Hold on a classic Alphaville. Yep. Right. Yeah,

Stacey Upton:

that's exactly it.

Brian Upton:

But go ahead.

Unknown:

We were at the intersection near where we live. And we heard this music we're in our car and we're just like, gosh, where's that coming from? And we look and Stan is sitting at the intersection on Well, you'll have to describe the motorcycle

Stacey Upton:

it's a fake Harley. It's a three wheel it's a Harley Davidson in I'm probably gonna get the shit beat out of me for saying because maybe that is some hardcore bike gang out there. That's on three wheel Harley's but, but it was like a group of it was a group of three wheel Harley Davidsons. With husbands on the front, wives on the back helmets with the microphones talking to each other that classic sort of three wheel kind of seen this song blasting through the Esplanade blasting like it was it was in full surround sound stereo. guy had to be in his 60s 70s on their 60s 70s and the sunglasses in state they drove by and stay stay looked at each other forever young on their Harley's that aren't really Harley's holy, but the midlife crisis it was so funny. All right, I need a number and we'll get out. Okay, between one and what?

Brian Upton:

I don't know. 6,000,030 Taylor's age seriously? Really jokey we? We did 30

Stacey Upton:

Oh gosh, I forgot you have to do that. Yeah, I mean, I got it. Okay. I think we can do it. Let's see if it even plays. We might be past the playlist. I gotta get on my button

Brian Upton:

okay

Stacey Upton:

take your time. Oops. I think you're getting a phone call from

Brian Upton:

that'd be hilarious. Phone call from Taylor. Yeah, I don't think this is her. Then we can't talk too much. We got to guess and go out. I need you. I'm Bailey. Yeah, I

Unknown:

am Bailey. Also. Okay.

Brian Upton:

We'll take it out. See, I gotta clear out. Say something brilliant. To me. kill some time.

Stacey Upton:

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not too good at that.

Brian Upton:

Well, we played we landed 30 for our daughter Taylor on a song that we both said was Bailey. It's Taylor and it's Taylor. That's great. Put this on the playlist this is let me go let me get into this. song's called better. Read Vail and Sam truth.

Unknown:

Okay, well, it's a wrap. Thanks. Love you bye. Bye. Why I need a reason. I need you right here to be away

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Brian & Stacey Upton

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