Parshas Vaeschanan: The Wife Thief, the Tomahawk Steak, and the SPCA Volunteer: Three Unbelievable Yesodos You Need to Hear

What if everything you thought you knew about kindness in Judaism was only scratching the surface? In this deeply moving exploration of "chesed," we uncover how this three-letter Hebrew word forms the very foundation of Jewish life—appearing 248 times throughout Tanakh and comprising the beginning and end of Torah itself.

The power of this concept comes alive through a heart-wrenching story from the 1929 Hebron Massacre, where a dying yeshiva student, his body torn and bleeding, used his final moments to smear his own blood on a friend lying nearby—making him appear dead to save him from attackers. This extraordinary act of selflessness forces us to confront what it truly means to live a life centered on giving rather than taking.

We explore three transformative principles of chesed that challenge conventional thinking. First, we learn from the biblical giant Og that even kindness done with ulterior motives retains spiritual merit. Next, we discover through ancient wisdom that true hospitality isn't about impressing guests but making them feel like family. Finally, we confront the often-overlooked truth that chesed operates in concentric circles—beginning with those closest to us before extending outward.

This perspective-shifting discussion reveals why many marriages struggle despite partners' reputations for charitable work, and how prioritizing the inner circles of chesed can transform our most important relationships. By reclaiming this fundamental concept from the realm of cliché, we uncover its revolutionary power to reshape our understanding of what Judaism demands of us at its core.

Take this journey from eye-rolling dismissal to profound appreciation for how chesed—true selflessness—forms the beating heart of authentic Jewish life. Your understanding of kindness will never be the same.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Chesed's Importance
• 8:55 The Hebron Massacre and Selfless Sacrifice
• 16:20 The Spiritual Trifecta of This Shabbos
• 17:25 Og's Chesed: When Intentions Don't Matter
• 23:25 Making Guests Family, Not Just Guests
• 29:30 Concentric Circles: Where Chesed Begins
• 36:15 Final Reflections on True Selflessness

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

I stand before you, a tired man, or I sit before you here in the Motivation Congregation studios, a weary man reeling from the return to cold showers, and Charlie Horse, After stepping in for my wife who had gone to a chasana tonight. Stepping in for my wife who had gone to a chasana tonight, I took over bath time, jammies time and bedtime and it wore me out. My thoughts were quickly, I'll take care of the kids and then sit down to record with energy. But here we are sitting down to record with energy, but a bit charley horse. This past week I've been mulling over a topic that I've really been wanting to share. A aside from a great guzzle was shared last sunday. It woke me up, it startled me and brought to my attention that I don't believe we've ever discussed this topic. So I went to research the topic, understand it a bit more and then develop, hopefully, what is to be a manicured talk about one of the most incredible yesodos that we've never discussed.

Speaker 1: 1:32

The yesod has just three letters. Three letters make up the very entity, the entirety that is today's talk, and this simple word lies at the very bedrock of our faith. It is the basis of countless of our mitzvos, makes up one of the ten Kabbalistic sephiros, the tree of life, tree of life. This word, this unassuming and three-lettered word, is found, according to artificial intelligence, more than 248 times throughout Tanakh. This word, this yesoid, rests, or is what the entire world rests upon At least it is one of the things that the world rests upon, this thing that is three letters that holds up the world and is something that we've never discussed, also pretty much makes up all of Torah, because it is the concept that the Torah begins with and the concept that the Torah ends with. My holy friends, this word also gets a bad rap and when you voice it, people shrug it off, roll their eyes, sigh, moan, as if you've just brought up a very bland, non-issue topic. It's old news, they think, but, my friends, you have been lied to, you have been fibbed. It's a new word that I found, for someone has given you a slight, little, inconspicuous lie. It means you have been fibbed and, my friends, we have been fibbed. Lie, it means you have been fibbed and, my friends, we have been fibbed. What is this unsuspecting yet all-encompassing three-lettered word and concept? It is none other than hopefully you guessed it Chesed, ches, samech, dalet, chesed. The bedrock of our faith makes up so many endless commandments Loving thy neighbor, taking compassion on the widow and the orphans, giving charity, chesed, tiferet, Netzach, gevur. Of course Chesed's on the Kabbalistic tree of life and the ten sephiros, and it should be of no surprise to you that it occurs 248 times, if not more, according to artificial intelligence, throughout Tanakh. And it is the great Tana, in the very second parak of Pirkei Avos, that said that one of the three things that keeps up the world is gemilos, chasadim, chesed. And the Gemara in Sota tells us that the Torah begins with how God made for man and wife garments that is chesed. And the Torah ends with Hashem, he capital, h buried Moshe in the valley. Chesed Hashem, aka the entire Torah. The beginning, the end is all Chesed, chesed, be it for whatever reason. When someone brings up the word Chesed, you can't lie. It just doesn't hit you the same way that any maybe less frequently cited or less frequently talked about Yesod does when it's brought up.

Speaker 1: 5:10

The idea of kindness, chesed, loosely translated as generosity and charity. It is part and parcel, an integral aspect of Judaism. You know that. But why is that? That is because I posit Judaism at its core is about selflessness and not selfishness. Judaism is about altruism. It is about your friends, aiding your neighbors, taking care of thy parents, recognizing and mimicking and parroting God. And what does God do? God does nothing other than kindness. God gives, altruistic in its most extraordinary sense. We are here just trying to be like God, mimic him, cling to him and therefore constantly give, give more, do actions that resonate with giving. Mimic the creator by giving without receiving or wanting to receive anything back. Strive to give as much as possible. Give smallly, give largely, give frequently. Give all that you have, give money, give your time, just do chesed. That's what it's about. That's Judaism, and all that you can provide to your family, friends and creator is what it's all about.

Speaker 1: 6:47

This whole topic has been on my mind since the past Sunday because the custom of the great reminder in Lopiansky, every tishaba, of when we get to the kinna, the dirge, the short or long poetic lamentation or paragraph that's supposed to incite grieving and bemoaning Every time we get up to the one that's titled Arzei Halavonon, the Ten Martyrs, how we read all about the horrible pain and deaths of great Torah scholars, that those that died for the Almighty, when we mourn their loss, the custom of Rabbi Lopiansky as he explains the kinos and yeshiva of Greater Washington. Every year is to pick a new topic or individual. Who is a great martyr, who is a great cedar tree, who is a great arze halavonon, someone who died for God, someone whose life was cut too short, somebody who personified godly attributes, but yet we mourn for him, but yet we don't always know him. So Rabbi Lepensky presents someone who maybe you've never heard of and their great stories and how they died, well, not in vain, and killed innocent Jews in the town of Hebron. It's known this episode, this terrible episode, as the Hebron Massacre.

Speaker 1: 8:47

Rabbi Lepensky had this wonderful build up Of what was going on at Hebron at that time and how the Slabotka Yeshiva, the famed Rabbi Nosson Zvi Finkel, the alter of Slabotka who had launched this new Torah and Musa yeshiva. And now, after there had been some political pushback that had handcuffed the yeshiva to some extent, the Yad Hashem had it that the alter moved the yeshiva, a second branch of the yeshiva, to Hebron. He sent his best students, his children, his best rabbeim and teachers. He himself even traveled. There was to be two Slabotkas, one still back in Slabotka and one in the new Palestine, the new Holy Land and Severun.

Speaker 1: 9:52

The stories that went on in that yeshiva were unlike anything you've ever heard before. It was this perfect mix of the most incredible scholars, along with the most American normal boys. At this point, as the Roaring Twenties are coming to an end, this is the beginning of when American Jewish families are seeing the need to send their young students, their young gentlemen, to the still European yeshivos abroad, the still European yeshivos abroad. So in this yeshiva it is really made up of the largest masmidim, the largest ge'oynim that came because the altar told them to, to come to Heveron to start Slabodka on the right foot, while also Tommy Johnny, billy, steve, bobby, all these young American children that are fans of the Cubs and fans of the Yankees that are also coming together to try to become knowledgeable in the Torah Hashem. It was unbelievable what was happening. The Shiurim, the has Hashem. It was unbelievable what was happening. The Shiurim, the Hasmata. And after the Arabs had been upset about something in Jerusalem some terribly placed anger and the inability to tolerate the mere nothingness Arabs took their spears bared down on the doors of the Slabodka Hevron Yeshiva, broke the windows and slaughtered Billy, tommy Johnny and slaughtered Billy, tommy Johnny and some of the greatest minds and greatest masmidim. In that yeshiva, 67 Jews were murdered by these Palestinian Arab riots.

Speaker 1: 12:02

A massacre, a butchering, a mac, a massacre, a butchering, a macabre killing of innocent yeshiva students. They tell the story how there was one young bacher who was ready for Shabbos early because the massacre happened on Friday afternoon. The young student was already in his Shabbos clothes and began to happened on Friday afternoon. The young student was already in his Shabbos clothes and began to open up his gemara while waiting for the mincha and kabbalah Shabbos to begin in Slabodka and Hebron. There. And he was the one, one of the ones, that was murdered, along with the many other innocent students that were getting ready for Shabbos in the dorms.

Speaker 1: 12:44

And very, very few made it out, very few, a handful made it out of the Hebron massacre. Some were hiding in a closet that when you opened the door it seemed to become where they were hiding was invisible. But one person. He made it out of the Hebron massacre because a friend of his, who had been butchered lying on the floor dead, bloodied all over, head to toe, lungs, intestines oozing out of his body, about to leave this earth. Robert Lepansky described how he was caught by eyewitnesses.

Speaker 1: 13:35

This student, who was bleeding out, managed to claw his way over to his friend who was on the floor hiding, a little bit bruised but hiding and fearful. The Bacher, who was about to die, reached his hand down to his belly, took blood out from his own belly, took out his own guts and smeared it upon his friend who was lying on the floor next to him, so that he should appear bloodied and dead, so that the Arabs shouldn't come back to attack his friend who was going to make it, but just fearful and frozen on the floor and minorly injured. You hear this, friends. You hear what's happening here. Here there's somebody on the floor rubbing his blood and guts on his friend to save him. We're talking about that level of a person innocently murdered.

Speaker 1: 14:37

But ever since this past tish above, when I heard that story, I can't get out of my head this thought that somebody is on the floor that's acting like their deathbed, it's all over for them and all they can think about is to grab a piece of their blood, grab some guts, grab some vessels, grab some who knows Anything he can get his hands on that will try to make his friend look dead, to save him. He's so driven to help someone else to aid someone else that he even has that on his mind. It shook me to the core that somebody could be so selfless. That shook me to the core that somebody could be so selfless and reminded me about Judaism and what it's all about. That it's about can you become so selfless? And so other person minded that. Would you be willing to do the same thing? Would it even come across your mind? Would you be able to make that sacrifice? And make that sacrifice?

Speaker 1: 15:55

This Shabbos, it's a holy Shabbos. It's not like all other Shabboses. I'll tell you why I want to speak about this. It's because it's a three pronged Shabbos. We have a spiritual trifecta and triumvirate. This Shabbos that possesses Shabbos Nachamu, it is also Parshas V'eschanah, and it is also Parshas V'eschanah and it is also Tuba'av. So, following the trifecta, that is, I'd like to bring forth to you my notes and findings through fascinating Yesodos that you need to know. That will change the way that you see Chesed, the way that you see chesed, the way that you understand chesed and hopefully it won't make it resonate in your head is not the mere eye rolling, shoulder shrugging, not your grandma's type of chesed. I hope together we can remove the fibbedness and re-internalize these critical concepts about just how integral selflessness and chesed is to the Jewish nation. The first thing you need to know about chesed is that, when the Jewish people were marching towards the promised land, first thing you need to know about chesed is that when the jewish people were marching towards the promised land, really riding high on cloud nine on the wings of eagles, nothing can stand in their way.

Speaker 1: 17:25

But all of a sudden moshe rabbeinu gets a big waft of fear. He says, hashem, I'm afraid. And hashem says don't be afraid of the impending road to Bashan and to King Og and his troops and Edrehi, don't be afraid to engage them in battle. Rashi's trying to figure out why Moshe would have been afraid, says Rashi, moshe was afraid to go to battle. Moshe's afraid that the or some kindness that was done or some that there was would make Og and his providence victorious. Moshe was afraid of that, but it's interesting. What is that made Moshe afraid? What merit precisely was it?

Speaker 1: 18:31

When you look up the story that Rashi quotes, which happened all the way back in Bereshit Yadolad, where Og secured his chus? The story was that Og ran out of a war, he escaped and he wasn't killed by Amar Raphael and his friends, that great war between the four and the five kings. Og escaped from it. He ran back shinemar hanafilim, hayu ba'aret umiskaven, she aharig avrom ve'isa esara. Og had intentions, while leaving this war to save himself, to run back and say avrom avrom, your nephew is caught in this four against five kings battle. Your nephew Lot is stuck. You must go and save him. Lot did chesed because he ran out of this war to go and inform Avraham that his nephew had been taken captive. That's chesed that Lot, that's chesed that Og. My apologies, og had that. He earned then that he ran back to inform avram about his nephew's capturing. That is what feared moshe rabbeinu, the skos that og had.

Speaker 1: 19:51

But the kli yukkar has a powerful question on this and I heard it from rabbi eisenberg the virginia, the kli yukkar, ripshomo Ephraim Lundschintz, the great rabbi in the 16th and 17th century of Poland and Bohemia. He asks how is it possible that Moshe's afraid of his chutz that Og has, that he ran back to inform Avram Avinu. Do you know why he did that? He ran back to inform Avram Avinu so that Avram Avinu will run back into battle to go and save Lode and maybe catch a spray of arrows or a stray bullet and die. The Medrash tells us that Og had ulterior motives he wanted Avram to die so he could steal his wife. He wanted Sarah Imenu.

Speaker 1: 20:52

Yet yet Moshe is still afraid of Og's chesed. A person who did something nicely, altruistically, but a frightened Moshe, beguiling and deceiving, dishonest intentions were in his heart. What you see here, friends, is an unbelievable that, when it comes to chesed, your actions are so important and so powerful that it seems like even if your intentions are poor, it matters not. What you see here is a startling insight Moshe's afraid of the merits of a creepy giant who acted with kindness, with sneaky, ulterior motive-filled kindness, self-centered, pleasure-seeking, personal advancing kindness to try to steal Sarah Imenu for himself. Ogues still with that sneaky, treacherous chesed act that still frightened Moshe and the Bali Musa point out, because chesed itself. We see here just how fundamental it is that even if your kavana is off, that should not dissuade you, that should not keep you from acting with kindness. Practically, you cite number one in kindness If you think about inviting your friend for dinner, but then you say I'm really just doing that, so my parents will look at me as good people. Or maybe you're thinking that you should invite your friend to come with the group, the unpopular kid to come with you. But really you're just doing that so that you'll feel better about yourself, or that the teacher should look at you in an eye and taiva Ulterior self-advancing motives. It seems like our chesed still matters a ton. It seems like our chesed is still something that would be meritorious merits for us that may frighten a prophet. Your site number one is that ulterior motives and chesed do not disqualify the action.

Speaker 1: 23:24

Yeshiva, slavodka. In the 1880s to the 1944s there lived a man named Avram Gudzinski who served as the Moshkiach Ruchani in the Slavodka Yeshiva. He is best known for being the primary disciple of the altar of Slabodka. That is before he also was burned, burned down with a hospital by the Nazis. His Musser Shmuzin from Avraham Grodzinski were were transcribed in the Tairas Avram. He was a man who endured horrible suffering but yet was princely, was beautiful, was the Slavodka Talmud par excellence in what the altar envisioned when he started Slavotka and the altar points out and by the altar I've made a mistake, I mean Reb Avram Gurdzinski points out is that the Pesach says we're learning about the one ram, one bull, fire-pleasing odor to Hashem that's filled with seven yearling lambs without a blemish.

Speaker 1: 24:39

That's all part of the karbonos and the bulls that are sacrificed on the high holidays and the sukkos holidays. Par echad ayel echad Rashi points out a medrash tanchuma that the way that the sacrifices are offered and listed on sukkos is that they limda toira derech eretz. The way that they are described. It teaches you the way of the world and how you should do kindness. The way that the Karbonos are listed is that they began with many Karbonos and each day they would sequentially decrease 70, I think they would decrease by 14, then 13,. Or see the end of Tractate Sukkah to figure out how we got down to just one karbon at the end. That personifies Kalal Yisrael on Shemini Atzeret just us with Hashem. But the way that the karbonos go down sequentially the Mejish Tanfuma tells us that teaches you how you should do chesed.

Speaker 1: 25:46

When you're having somebody over, you should go down in your kindness. Shemishi Yesh Loach Sanoi Yim Rishon. On Sunday you have a guest, yoichilenu Petumos. Give him fat, salted, deliciously bone-in tomahawk steak. L'machar Yoichilenu dug him. Give him some fish Seabass the day after that. Tuesday. Give him some average ground meat. After that, give him some beans and some lentils and then give him some greenery salad, go down every day A step down, a rung down in your kindness every day.

Speaker 1: 26:38

And the question, the peculiarity, is protruding, don't you think? How is this the way that you do chesed? It sticks out like a sore pinky. How is this the way that you should do kindness by welcoming somebody into your house and then not consistently delivering Not even my limb of Kodesh, going up in your levels of kindness, but instead serving first steak and making your way down to some lentils and lettuce.

Speaker 1: 27:18

And lettuce, says Rabav Roham Grodzinski, the prodigy of Slabodka that we see here, that chesed is not about whining and dining but it's rather about making somebody a part of the family. You see, families don't always eat. He explains rib steaks on a Monday night. Regular families, they eat regular food, sometimes chicken, sometimes fish, sometimes lentils, sometimes lettuce. And people think chesed is about just giving somebody the best, but often that ostracizes them. It says that this is my family in the kitchen and that is you, not my family. But I'm whining and dining you in the dining room.

Speaker 1: 27:58

The goal of chesed is to make somebody as comfortable, as homey and as cozy as possible, to make him one of the family, the way we understand the rash he says is to slowly lower the fellow down until he's able to feel so comfortable that he's one of the family, sitting at the dinner table with you and your children Having lentils and lettuce, because that's how normal people eat. So you first wine and dine him, but then you slowly hypnotize him into your family, take care of him. That is kindness and that is how the Torah shows us. One should go about his kindness To make his guest his honored guest, cozy. Treating them like chesed, that treating them like family, that is chesed par excellence. That is our second yesod Chazering as we move on to the final and third yesod. The first one was that our ulterior motives and chesed do not matter. Second is that chesed is not about whining and dining but making somebody cozy, part of the family, comfortable and are you. Third yesod will save you from marriage strife and may save you from making the largest mistake that you could possibly make in your Jewish life.

Speaker 1: 29:31

You see people make a reference phone call to figure out if the prospective shidduch is a good match. They call the friends and the family. But if you've done it a time or two, that will not give you any important information, they will just preach to the choir. But when you do decide to call the references, let's say about the perspective match. You'll ask about her kindness and they'll say she's a wonderful giver, a helper.

Speaker 1: 30:00

She does chesed multiple times a week. She volunteers for the SPCA on Sundays saving stray dogs, trying to give them peaceful and happy, tranquil homes to the thoroughbreds and pit bulls and all the dogs that I can name off the top of my head. She also volunteers on Thursdays for a small family on the outskirts of Jerusalem A small family is how they're described by their apartment, which is meager in size, but 15 children pack this house in a one-bedroom apartment. This girl goes there, washes the children, helps the mother peel the potatoes. She's a balas chesed and a great match.

Speaker 1: 30:55

So why is it I put you on the spot here that 15 years later this girl who the family said yes to and she said yes back that bonded each other together in marriage underneath the chuppah now a budding family, this girl was the tremendous balas chesed. Why is it that she has such marital strife and she can't earn that same title, that she's the same balas chesed that she was in seminary? Why is it that her husband doesn't see what everyone else saw. That is because that she made the mistake of this third yesod and, not knowing, she forgot this third prong of chesed, this third of our triumvirate and trifecta of chesed. She forgot what humanitarianism and true benefaction begins with and it begins at home. She forgot that Chesed works like a series of concentric circles, with the inner circle making up friends and family, the middle circle making up extended family, extended friends and relatives, and, lastly, the general public, other organizations and other Jews, maybe even other Gentiles.

Speaker 1: 32:27

But we've made the mistake, all too many of us, that we think that we should prioritize giving to the random, giving to the homeless, giving to the organizations, our time, money and help, before we should give it to those that are in the immediate circle, those that we actually are obligated to do. Chesed with Obligated to take care of our spouse. Obligated to laud our spouse. Obligated to cook a kugel for our spouse. Obligated to take care of our children. Obligated to buy them toys. Obligated to do kindness with them. Obligated to take care of our mothers and our fathers and our grandmas and our sabas and our zadis.

Speaker 1: 33:18

It is the inner circle, of these concentric circles that takes precedence. But, nebuch, too many of us run out to aid and abet Urah's new Chinese auction, which is fantastic. But we err when we run out the door to help an organization as opposed to being there for our spouse that just came home and had a tough day. We err and we try. Or we say no to our spouse when they want a bite of the cake that you've just made hot out of the oven, when we tell them it's for the neighbor down the block, for the pauper impoverished down the street, and we say no to our husbands or wives about what we've just baked so that we can save the chesed opportunity for somebody that lays in the outside of the concentric circles.

Speaker 1: 34:16

That is wrong. You must first do what is immediately asked of you. If your mom likes to make her peach cobbler with already peeled peaches, then I submit that that comes first. For you to stay and help her, to run out the door and fundraise for some organization or volunteer at the homeless shelter. You should spend the extra time and your time management skills to find time to do the other chesed opportunities. Of course, the greatest Jews around. They give up their own personal pleasures and create your comforts for those type of chesed opportunities. But if your mom's arthritis is acting up so she can't peel the peaches for the peach cobbler pardon the plosives then you should step in and do chesed. And if there's ever a conflict between these concentric circles, go with the more inner inside circle wins.

Speaker 1: 35:30

These are our three esodos of chesed Ten lechacham, ve'yech, gam'od. These are just tips of the iceberg, three of the endless Yisodos of Chesed. But after this past week when I was shaken to the core about how somebody could go and give their own blood, they'll be so selfless, so other-person-minded. It reminded me of the chachma, the depth and the immediate, immediate actions we need to take about how to put more time and effort and energy into our chesed To Chazer over these three points that I researched to bring to you today. They are that even if you have underlying selfish, dishonest motives in your chesed, like og to steal sorrow from Avram, seems that that does not disqualify your chesed and you still should go about your business.

Speaker 1: 36:27

Acting with kindness Doesn't delete your kindness or your altruism and selflessness. Number two make your guests comfortable, and now don't just wine and dine. Then make them one of the family. The same way, the Karbonos go down from 15 or from 70 all the way down to one on Sukkos. And lastly, do Chesed with your immediate members, your family, your grandparents, your kids.

Speaker 1: 37:01

Don't let them get the bad end of the bargain, the bad end of the stick, because you're running out to help everyone else. Don't let them feel the brunt of your meaningful sacrifices, because they come first and they lay inside of all the concentric chesed circles. And let us forever remain aware of how somebody could become like one of these Hevron, massacred, billy Bobby, students, inspired to do the will of God that he, in his very last breaths and moments on this world, took his blood and smeared it on somebody else to save him, thinking about nothing else other than saving somebody else. That is unbelievable chesed. Do you Remember these points? Build them, internalize them, search for more points about chesed and take practical action in your chesed. A good Shabbos to you. A good Parshas Ba'ezchanan to you. A good Parshas Nachamu. Shabbos Nachamu to you and happy Tubav.