Parshas Vayeitzei: Started From the Bottom, Now We're Here

Angels on a ladder, a promise of land, and a family saga filled with tension set the stage—but the heart of this episode is a piercing question: why do the sages single out Rivka as a “rose among thorns,” while Rachel and Leah, no less righteous, don’t receive the same praise? We follow the thread from Yaakov’s dream through Lavan’s deceit to the naming of the twelve tribes, and then zoom in on character, context, and the hidden mechanics of influence.

We explore Rivka’s acts of radical kindness at the well and the return of light to Sarah’s tent, reading classic sources that frame her as uniquely untouched by her corrupt milieu. Then we test the apparent asymmetry. Rachel protects Leah from shame, Leah rejects a life of moral compromise, and both confront their father’s idolatry—so what gives? Drawing on Rav Shmuel Birnbaum’s insight, we uncover a counterintuitive key: influence often begins with warmth. Rivka was admired and embraced by people who were still wrong; resisting approval takes uncommon strength. Rachel and Leah were treated as outsiders, which blunted the culture’s ability to imprint on them.

From there, we bring the idea down to earth. A story of Rav Aryeh Levin at the bustling Jerusalem market shows how respect opens doors that rebuke slams shut. We talk about the shift toward gentler chinuch: greeting students by name, asking questions, setting firm standards without contempt. If you want to change hearts, don’t exile people from your circle; meet them with dignity so your words can land.

Walk away with a practical takeaway for leadership, teaching, and daily life: to shape a soul, start by honoring it. If this lens moved you, tap follow, share with a friend who loves Parsha insights, and leave a review telling us where kindness changed your mind.

Chapters

• 0:00 Angels, Ladder, And The Promise
• 1:03 Yaakov, Lavan, And The Twelve Tribes
• 2:12 The Praise Of Rivka Explained
• 4:15 Rose Among Thorns: Sources And Deeds
• 6:45 The Asymmetry: What About Rachel And Leah
• 9:30 Rav Shmuel Birnbaum’s Question And Context
• 12:06 Outsiders Versus Embraced: The Core Answer
• 15:20 How Influence Works: Respect Over Rebuke
• 18:45 Rav Aryeh Levin At The Market
• 22:10 A Softer Chinuch: Changing With Needs
• 24:55 Takeaways And Call To Action

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

I had a dream, said Yaakova Venu, as he awoke from his slumber on Harhamriah. He dreamt a dream of angels ascending and descending the ladder. A promise from God, it was interpreted. That the land that you sleep upon, Eritrael, Erit Akadesh, it is to be yours. From all that you can see. It all will be yours someday. And your children's children will also enjoy it. Our parsha's action-packed. From the dream at the beginning, which has multiple layers to unpack, the swindling that Yaakov has to endure from Lovon. The marriage of Yaqov of Vinu to his two wives, and the birthing of the Shifde Ka, the twelve tribes. Every name has significance, each name a lesson. And it definitely shows us that a person's name is much more than just what people use to refer to the person. Yaakov's been in Charon for 14 years, towards the end of our parshaw. He wishes to return home. More financial disputes break out between Yaakov, who has done nothing wrong, and all of the swindlers that surround him. Yaakov is able to escape danger, wealthy, and with his family, before being pursued by Lovan. But they make a pact. Lovin and Yaakov Mount Galaid, attested by Amatseva, and Yaakov proceeds to the Holy Land, where he is greeted by angels. That's Parshus Vetse in a nutshell. And today, I want to discuss a matter that seems asymmetrical. Seems like things are out of balance, a bit wobbly. Because Chazal make a very large deal. They're all up in arms with new explanations as to why Rivka Imenu, GitHub's wife, is constantly being praised by Chazal for the unique attribute that she possesses, which is she is unaffected by her surroundings. She's a superstar. Last week we heard all about her lineage. She's Rivka, brothers with Loveon, daughter of Besuel, Chazal, Rashi cites it, tells us why do we hear about her lineage over and over again, even when we know her ancestry? It's because it's not just telling you who she is and where she came from, but it's praising her, mentioning her for praise that look at her stellar and exemplar character, even though she grew up in the hood, even though she grew up in the slums, in shantytowns, people around her, swindlers, thieves, alcoholics and drug addicts, but she's unaffected. She may live in section eight and have friends and gangs, even fathers and brothers in gangs, but it did not penetrate the Midos Tovos and the godliness that Rivka possessed. She's described by Hazal as the rose among thorns, a good person despite her ungodly surroundings. Look up the Medrish, Baratius Rabbah 634. Rashi brings it. All of her surroundings, they're depicted as treacherous and deceitful and idolatrous. But she is the rose, beautiful, pure, morally upright, and untouched by the depravity that surrounded her. How do you know this? Because of the other rashis in Midrashia that describe just how she acted when she met Eliezer. And how her merits granted her access that the water should come up towards her in this miraculous fashion, as if the water fountain should just turn on when you walk near it. You have to be a special person to merit such treatment from the world. The way that she went out of her way to water camels. Not just any animal, but it's camels that needed water that she offered water to. Camels drink a lot of water. Those humps in their back are filled with water. So it is not insignificant that the Torah tells us that her righteousness was that she offered water to the camels. Imagine schlepping cases of Poland Spring water bottles from Evergreen to your house or from Gourmet Glat to your house, or Kirkland water bottles for that matter. But they're massive two-gallon jugs, and you need enough for 10 camels. Plus people. And you're an only three-year-old girl. That's how selfless she was. That's how selfless she is. And Khazal praise her for it. We know that when Rivka came home to her new Khassan, her merits, Rivka, were so great. And her pushing back against all outer bad influences that she grew up around. She walked into the tent and she was serene because Sarah Imenu's tent lit up again. She had the Zhusim, that the Khala, that the Neros, everything, like a locomotive that had been out of commission, and all of a sudden has now been stirred and ready to rumble again. That's what happened when Rivka came back into her mother-in-law's tent, Sara Imenu. That was her heroic Zhusim. Her incredible virtues for the righteous woman that Rivka was in the way that she rejected and rose above her disgusting surroundings and upheld her purity. However, however, we don't find the same rays that Chazal shower upon Rivka when it comes to the other matriarchs. Rachel and Leia. They were fantastic people. They were otherworldly people. Their Zechim, as we will soon see, would go from here until the moon. They were selfless. They were righteous. They were pure. We find Rochel giving over the signs to spare her sister's embarrassment. We find Leia crying because she doesn't want to have connections with a Russia that she's going to marry. Clearly, she despises and has animosity towards anti-Torah values. We find more that Rochil is stealing her dad's smartphones and idolatrous items, the teruffim, trying to wean her dad out of the casino and get him back on the proper and good path. They're clearly righteous. They have angels that they can see, and they have schusim that protect them throughout their entire biblical narratives. But we don't find the specific shivach and praise that Chazal gave to Rifka that she was a rose among thorns. We don't find that praise given to Rachel and Leah. But it seems strange, asymmetrical. Rachel and Leah, did they not also grow up with a possessed and conniving father named Laban Lovan? Did they not also grow up in shanty towns and slums and in the hood? Did they not have a father who was a gang member, maybe a gang leader? Did they not grow up around sinners? It would seem that they did, but they did not receive the same praise from Chazal that they were unaffected by it. I mean, you can't argue that they grew up in maybe a better environment. They were in a middle class home. Things were better for them, so it's not that big of a deal that they made it out of the projects. Because Love on is described Love on Ha'ar Rami. He is the Love on the deceiver. He is called Love on his white. That he's trying to present himself as white, as pure, as clean, but in fact, he is dark and angry and anything but pure in the inside. So why is it that Rachel and Leia don't receive the same praise that Rivka is warranted and showered by Chazal? In short, Rachel and Leah are remarkable women. Just like Rifka. They possessed innate, powerful senses of goodness and piety and were tested by challenges, but ultimately won and proved triumphant over deceit idolatry in their hometown. But they don't seem to receive the rose and the thorn kind of praise that Rivkud is showered with. And Reb Schmuel Birnbaum wants to know why. His question is why? And before we get into his life-changing answer, you have to know who Rabshmuel Birnbaum was. We care about context, so we care about perspective, and we care about the source. Rashmul Birnbaum, born in 1920, died in 2008. A prominent Orthodox rabbi, the Roshiva of the Mir in Brooklyn. He was born in Poland and was able to escape via the what's that thing called? The Trans-Siberian Railway to Shanghai. Visa secured from Sugihara, settled in the United States, and married the Mir's Rusheshiva Rabav Ruham Kelamanowitz, and he succeeded his father-in-law as the Rosh Hai Yeshiva, and he is renowned for extraordinary diligence in his Torah study and unwavering commitment to the Torah and Yeshiva way of life. He died in 2008 in Brooklyn, and his funeral was attended by tens of thousands of fans, lovers, and supporters. So now that you know who Ripshwal Birnbaum is, he was the famous Masmid, wouldn't stop learning for anything. He says something remarkable. He says, you know why Rachel and Leia don't receive the same praise as the rose in the thorns like Rivka? It's because of the way that they were treated and the way that they were viewed. We find in Parsha's Vayetse, Vishmuel Birnbaum points out, that when the disputes for the money arose towards the end of the Parsha, Rachel and Leia voice a complaint. When they're fighting over the inheritance and what Lovean took from them? Rachel and Leia say, Do we have a share in our dad's wealth? He regards us as outsiders. Hello Nochrios Nech Shavnu. Rashi explains. He was a dad who instead of giving over money to support the new Chassan and Kala. Afil Bisha Shadarch Bene Adam Lossis Nedunya Lubinoisov to get them a home. Reach out to me if you need a home. I'm a realtor. Even when they needed support to start their life. Nohag Imanu Kenakrios, he acted with them like total outsiders. He charged for them and said, You want my daughters? Work for me. Be my slave and you shall marry my daughters. He charged as opposed to giving to help his daughters be supported. As opposed to Rivka? How was she treated? Well, she was treated with admiration by her surroundings. In the projects, they looked at her as different and special. Her parents, proud of her. She went off to base Yaakov, and the family wants to know all about their superstar daughter, and they tell everyone that they meet in the streets about just how fantastic and pristine and pure and happy their daughter Rifka is. We find this from the way that Bisuel treats his daughter and speaks to her daughter Rivka. He says when finally they want to ask if Rivka's gonna go for her shidduch, let us call the girl. They asked Rivka and said to her. They talk to her like a mensch, like a superstar. They ask her permission. Do you want to go? Is this a shidduch that you're interested in? They want her opinion? Finally, when she decides to go for it, oh my daughter. And therefore, here's the Yasod. Rivka is praised for not being influenced. Because people that are kind to you, people that are amicable, pleasant, professional, and understand you, even though you're different, you can be made an impression on by them. You can be connected to them. We naturally gravitate towards nice people when they respect us. So it was a great and large deal that even though the people around her respected her and showered her with praises, but they were different, and she could have wanted been like the different kids, the cool kids. But she said no, that is praiseworthy. She said no to those that treated her nicely, and she could have had an impression made on her by them, but instead she didn't and she stayed pure. That's praiseworthy. But Rockel and Leia, they were treated as the weird kids, as the ultra-orthodox kids, as the kids that nobody wants to hang out with, nobody wants to go to their house to play with on Shabbos, strangers, nucleos, their own dad charges for their daughter's services when they're to get married. It's not hard to understand why they weren't affected by their surroundings. Their surroundings were jerks, their surroundings were lowlives, their surroundings were. So it isn't exactly praiseworthy that they didn't assimilate into the culture around them. Because the way that they were treated by the culture around them was like nachryos, like outsiders and strangers, and outsiders and strangers have no effect on people. They cannot be influencers. You hear this, Yuside? You hear this, Yuside? How powerful is that? If you want to be an influencer, not one of those Gen Z Instagram influencers, but a real Torah influencer. An influencer for good. You cannot treat people like outsiders. You cannot hope to have an impression upon them. If you look at them as I should try to help that guy out. He's a low life. He steals. He's always scrolling through his Facebook during Kedusha. Wrong. Yes. But you cannot just excommunicate them. Write them off. At least you can't do that if you want to make a positive impression and have some sort of an influence upon them. You need to try to understand them. If you hope to have an impression on them, you have to not treat them like outsiders. You should not learn from them. But if you want to affect them positively, you gotta treat Rivka, you gotta treat the person like Basuel treated Rivka. Pleasantly. How are you? Good to see you. And slowly with setting an example. Joking with them. Getting them. Then influencing can happen. Ravire Levine. An incredible story. Ravire Levine, you need to know who he is. He is also the man who's the Orthodox rabbi, widely known as for his kindness and compassion, often referred to as the father of prisoners, for his frequent and unpaid visits to Jewish underground members of an imprisoned society in central Jerusalem during the British Mandate. He prayed with them, encouraged them, and all of these convicts. He conveyed messages to their family of good wishes and positivity. He was known as the Tzadik of Yerushalayam of the saint of Jerusalem for his extensive work on behalf of the poor and the sick and the needy, and with regular visits to hospitals, even the leper colony. He was a spiritual director to Mashkiach Ruchani and the Aitzhayim Yeshiva for many years and was known with love and respect for every person that he met. He was a famous person who said, when his wife had the broken foot in the hospital, he was the one who said to the doctor, Doctor, our foot hurts because we are one person. Perhaps you've heard that story before. That's him. That's who we're talking about when we say Rib Aryeh Levine. And one time, Rib Aryeh Levine made an interesting trip to the Machine Yehuda Shuk. The Machine Yehuda Shuk, the vibrant part of modern Jerusalem with cultural and culinary destinations, fresh produce, specialty foods, local culture, street food dining, a whole lot of cigarettes, nightlife, nightclubs, bars, restaurants. It's not a good place to be for a nice Jewish boy. They aren't just sitting and learning and dovening, let's say it like that. So it was interesting that Rebari Levine had sat down one of the outermost restaurants on Friday afternoon. He was sitting there. And the bartender was pouring drinks for people, the music rowdy. And Rebria Levine just kind of sat there before Shabbos, three, four o'clock, until finally the owner walks over to Rebari Levine and says, Can I help you? Are you here to rebuke me that I keep my store open on Shabbos? Are you here to yell at me? What are you here to do? You here to report me? Rebari Levine said, No. I'm actually here quite mesmerized about how much money you make. I can't believe that people pay 50 shekels for one cup of beer, and thousands of people are ordering beers, and many of them, you're making bank. You're financially very successful. And I can get it. Why you don't close your store on Chavez? I see it. How could you close the store when you have bills to pay, people to send to school, utility bills to pay, you need money to run your life, and look how much money you're making. I get you. May not be right, but I totally understand why you don't close your store on Chavez. And to make a long story short, yes. Eventually these two became friends, and eventually it became known that this person closed the store. The story has an happy ending. Because the person said that he was the first rabbi that didn't just yell at me, that it's wrong. Rabari Levine came in and understood me and got me. And after that, positive influence was had. Now one needs to tiptoe this line carefully, because we do love all Jews. And there are things, though, that are untolerated. But the way to coax, cajole, and positively influence needs to be, we see here, in a respectful way, not an intensely harshly rebuking way, in a way that seeks to understand the other side. Because when you are understood, and when you feel not like a stranger or an outsider, but you feel understood by the rabbi, or even understood like we found by Rivka, it's possible for you to be influenced. And the fact that Rivka wasn't influenced, that's why she is praised so lavishly by Chazal. I even thought it was never possible that my holy Rosh Sheshiva Ribnussin Stein, who's the greatest Torah scholar and God-fearing Jew that I know, I never thought that he would kind of take a lighter, more positive approach in the Khenuk. He was always very rigid and stern with me. He expected a lot. And he never really was the come in, I'll give you a hug type. You got this, don't worry. But recently, he's adopted a much more positive and loving approach. I see him walking over to the young Torah scholars, those thirsty to become God-fearing Jews, sits down next to them, shakes their hand, talks to them about the Gemara, asks them questions. How's it going? I think it's unbelievable to see somebody who's almost 80 years old and can just change on the spot his entire philosophy and Ashkafa and Khinoch because he thinks that one thing is now more needed and more helpful in this generation. But so it is, and so it is done. So he loves more, cares more, seeks to understand more from what I see. And if he's doing that, then it's the right thing to do. Our call to action is to positively influence, not by judging, but by trying to understand. Not by sweeping under the rug or denying, but by influencing, by understanding, getting, encouraging, and actually having a positive impact on the lives of those around us. It is for this reason, says Rashmul Birnbaum, that Rivka received the praise, and Rachel and Leia did not, because they were viewed as outsiders and strangers, so it is not impressive that they were not influenced by their surroundings. Ladies and gentlemen, let us go out there. I'm an influence positively with understanding and grace and pleasantness and professionalism. And like this, maybe we too can spread the love of Akadish Baruch and his holy Torah. Good job.