E072_How Steven Kirby Survived & Advocates for Mental Well-Being & Safety in High-Risk Industries

In this powerful episode, we sit down with Steven Kirby, a survivor of a life-changing workplace accident and a passionate advocate for mental well-being and safety in high-risk industries.

Steven shares his emotional journey from being a "man up" advocate to struggling with PTSD, depression, and anxiety after his accident. He opens up about the hidden mental health challenges that workers in high-risk industries face and how he turned his experience into a mission to improve workplace safety and mental well-being.

Join us as Steven discusses the critical role of communication in safety, the long-term impact of trauma, and why advocating for mental well-being in high-risk environments is crucial for creating safer, more supportive workplaces.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone committed to improving mental well-being and safety in high-risk industries.

Tune in for an emotional and insightful conversation that sheds light on the human side of workplace safety and mental health.

Thanks for listening!

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This episode was produced under Safety Collaborations Limited and now continues as part of Karin Ovari Limited. While we are not currently releasing new episodes, the entire library remains active, and the topics covered are just as relevant today as when they were first recorded.

To learn more about my current work in leadership and communication, visit karinovari.com and the leadership community, The Supervisors Hub.

Connect with us on LinkedIn:  Karin Ovari, Nuala Gage,

If you enjoyed this episode, please help us spread the word and leave a review on your preferred podcast player. 
 
 Stay Safe, Stay Well
The Safety Collaborators

Transcript

Transforming Mindsets for Workplace Safety

Speaker 1 0:08

Welcome to In Conversation with the Safety Collaborators . I am Karen .

Speaker 1 0:14

And I am Nuala , Whether you're a safety professional , a leader or an individual committed to making a difference we invite you to join the discussion on creating a culture of safety and care , enabling your team and leaders to design a safer and more productive and collaborative world . Karen here , I just wanted to pop in before we launch into the actual episode . Today . We are delighted and very grateful that Stephen Kirby decided to join us today . He has a very powerful message and powerful story to share and we want to encourage you to please listen all the way through . Be aware that it's emotional and that it may touch your heart . Feel free to reach out to Stephen at any time at wwwsklifecoachukcom . He loves to have a conversation with people .

Speaker 2 1:20

He loves to help Enjoy the show Today we are joined by Stephen Kirby , a friend of Safety Collaborations With a background in construction and demolition . Stephen had a life-changing event 13 years ago that totally changed the trajectory of his life . Stephen is a public speaker and safety well-being advocate for transforming mindsets , for workplace safety and mental well-being . We are delighted you have joined us today to share your story and I'm going to dive right into it and ask you , stephen , what makes you you .

Speaker 3 2:02

Well , thank you for having me . I would say what makes me me . The accident I was involved in 13 years ago probably has turned me into who I am today . So if that incident had never happened , I wouldn't have gone on to study what I've studied for the last 12 years , which has turned me into me , and so I'm a different person to the guy the day of the accident .

Speaker 1 2:28

How do you feel about sharing about that different guy ?

Speaker 3 2:32

The guy when I was 32 , before the accident , was a very confident guy . I was a 360 operator . I'd worked , probably at that point , in construction and demolition for 12 years . I started out as a laborer but then obtained my plant ticket quite quickly . But that guy , when it came to mental health , we didn't talk about mental health the way we do now , 13 years ago .

Speaker 3 3:00

But obviously depression , anxiety , it was all still there . But if anybody told me there was depressed , I was that guy telling them to man up , it's all in the head , crack on with it . It's an excuse to stay off work . What you're going to do ? Go and stay in bed all day . That kind of attitude . But then after the accident I suffered massively with PTSD and self-medicated of alcohol and spiraled into my own depression and suffered of anxiety and panic attacks with the PTSD and from that I've gone on , as I say , to study mental health and well-being . And now obviously my attitude is completely different . Mental health is real . Depression is real . Anxiety it's not just in your head , it is something that we really have to work with and support people who are struggling . So my attitude from 32 to 45 is completely different .

Speaker 2 4:00

Doesn't it always amaze you how I think of , even when we were younger , if you had a physical something . I mean I remember falling out of a willow tree in my garden and breaking my arm . There was no question , straight off to hospital , off to the doctor . This needs to be set , it needs to be fixed . It's visible , whereas what was invisible , what was actually going on inside ? What was invisible , what was actually going on inside ? You know , we often have that conversation of well , just because you can't see it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist and it doesn't need to be looked at and and worked with . And I think that has been a wonderful transition that the world is going through is that we can actually acknowledge exactly that .

Speaker 2 4:41

I mean , physically I look absolutely perfect , but yeah are we aware of what's actually going on within that may be impacting the decisions that we're making , the conversations that we're having and the way that we're working ?

Speaker 3 4:54

exactly , and there's obviously when it comes to you've got your stresses of your home life and your stresses of work , and if you're turning up for work and you're going through something at home but you're not talking about it , you're kind of telling yourself that you're dealing with it . That's going to impact your safety of yourself and your colleagues on site , so I'm trying to encourage more communication and people to be open about what they're going through so they can get the help that's needed .

Speaker 1 5:19

And how easy or not is that process ?

Speaker 3 5:24

It's easy , in a sense , of me talking and doing what I do , but then it's up to whether I'm speaking to , whether it's a group of fake people or if it's 500 people in a room . It's what are they willing to take away from it , what they're wanting to take away from it ? And there is still even though it's a lot better now there is still that attitude . A guy came over to me last week and I did my presentation and he said , steve , my attitude up until an hour ago was the same as what you was at 32 man up . I'm sick of hearing about mental health . Just get on with it , he said . But having seen that he said I've got a lot more empathy . I'm going to start listening and that's why I do what I do , because I just want people to just think differently around .

Speaker 3 6:08

When people don't like the word mental health , my mom hates it because back in area right , you got sections if you had mental health issues . So I kind of phrase it as in just your well-being . It covers everything your physicality , your mental health , well , but yeah , if people are willing to be more open and talk , it makes all the difference and I think the younger generation find that a lot easier . So when I'm speaking to apprentices and stuff , because they've been brought up with there , they do find it easier to talk . It's the older generation , like mom . I'm 45 and I think , like 14 onwards , it's those guys my dad left when I was 10 . My I'm 45 , and I think , like 14 onwards , it's those guys my dad left when I was 10 . My mum and dad got divorced . I still had a relationship with him but they got divorced when he left

The Power of Vulnerability for Safety

Speaker 3 6:53

.

Speaker 3 6:53

Even though I was only 10 , I felt I had a responsibility to look after my mum and my sister . I was the man of the house and I witnessed a lot of stuff as a kid . But I think that made me me , or I thought it made me mentally strong . So I took that moving forward and where we lived on the estate you have to be mentally and physically strong . Or you got bullied or you got stuff to copy or you got took advantage of , so you have to be tough .

Speaker 3 7:18

I took that through my teens and into demolition when I was starting demolition when I was 20 , which again some male dominant industry , even though I probably was going through certain things like splitting up with girlfriends or whatever you don't want to talk about it , because you just think your workmates are going to rib you to bits and basically laugh , whereas the reality is they probably wouldn't have . I probably could have spoke at that point , but I just thought that wasn't what I could do , and I think there's still guys today that think that they've got that same mentality , like I can't say no because they'll think I'm an idiot or they'll think I'm soft , and it's like now . I know that by talking about your emotions and talking about what you're thinking and feeling , it actually shows more strength rather than that manly attitude .

Speaker 2 8:02

I was going to say there's a term we love and it's vulnerability . Within that manly attitude , I was going to say there's a term we love and it's vulnerability . And when we can bring vulnerability into our work environments and spaces and it's rewarded , it's not punished , then it creates a whole different conversation and a whole different way of being , not just for yourself , but actually for the team and for setting that example . Just think about safety rules and we will definitely get to your story , because I think it is just so incredibly powerful . There's so many people in our working environments who are in a place where they don't have to learn from their own mistakes , they don't have to learn from their own incidents or accidents , and if we can create an environment where people can be vulnerable to share their story and their experience and say this is what happened , this was the effect that it had on me , what can you already start doing differently ? What can you change ? What different questions , conversations can you have so you don't have to experience this ?

Speaker 3 9:02

We can start creating safer workplaces and I think that is really , really important . But I know a lot of people who actually share their stories and talk about incidents , actions and mental health and the mental health journey , and for somebody else to see somebody being vulnerable , as you say , and talking about their journey , it encourages them to then think , yeah , I need to talk , I need to open up . So it is and , yes , I love that word as well I'm very vulnerable and there's nothing wrong with that .

Speaker 1 9:34

There isn't . And I think when we talk about vulnerability this is where I'm going to bring in the word psychological safety If we think about the workplace , and how do we support that mental vulnerability , that emotional vulnerability and it starts there so we can bring it in even earlier , before the term . Mental health maybe becomes part of the conversation , and this is where how do we allow people to be vulnerable in a safe space and possibly reduce the potential for physical and emotional and mental health concerns and , rather as the word that we talked about the other day a little bit , how do we turn that into mental fitness ? Because it becomes part of the everyday , not something unusual or out of the norm . So maybe it is time to share your story , because I think it's the story , the power of storytelling , is what you bring to the conversation and , sadly , through your own events , and that's how stories evolve , I suppose . So I'm glad to see you and be able to hear you .

Speaker 3 10:48

Thank you . Yeah , it's kind of a miracle that I survived , so I'm blessed to be here . So , yeah , going back to the 11th of January 2011, . Working in Hull in the UK , it was one of the worst winters I can think back to . We've had it a long , long time . 2011 was a really bad winter .

Speaker 3 11:10

Before , just before Christmas , probably starting towards like in November as a machine operator , I'd started digging out a trench and , as a team , we was installing an underground fire hydrant system . So the trench wasn't that deep it was probably about a meter in places , but we dug it out and we'd installed the pipe wire and then we stopped for Christmas for two weeks and then , on the 11th of January 2011 , we'd gone back . But I woke up that morning . A lot of my working life I've worked away from home and on this job I was at home , which was a good thing , so I was able to get up with my two kids that morning , like Harry was four , joe was eight , give him a kiss , got him ready for nursery in school , I said right , I'm off to where I'll see you tonight . And just a normal day other than it being cold and icy and snowing , it was . It was a normal winter's day and when we got to where I thought I was going to carry on digging out the next section of what would started before christmas . But we was told that the section that would install 60 meters needed hydrostatic pressure testing .

Speaker 3 12:17

Now , I'd never done a hydrostatic pressure test . I had no training in it . I've I've never actually witnessed it being done . Five of us in the team I think a couple of lads , might have known about it , but again , none of us had any training and they couldn't get a specialist team in , with it being so soon after christmas . So what they did was brought a guy in from the agency to kind of overlook the task , and he was a competent guy . He had a street works card and apparently that gave him the competency to be able to do it . We went through the risk assessment method statement , sand permits , did everything that you'd normally do , went out to site , did our on-site risk assessment slips , trips , access , egress and then I'm a digger driver . So basically I had nothing to do and it was freezing cold . So I gets in , my machine , turns the engine , turns the heaters on , and that's me . Sat nice and warm until these guys get this tested . It sounded so simple Fill the pipe with water .

Speaker 3 13:13

Once there's water coming out of the barrel , put the pump on , pressurise it to 28 bar of pressure . Once we get to 28 bar of pressure , get the past off and we can start on the next section . After about an hour of testing the spigot end , which was obviously a big chunk of steel 600 mil . It weighed about 460 kilograms , so it's a big , big heavyweight it started leaking at the flange and it was only a small leak but it started leaking . So the guy who was brought in , the competent guy , said right , stop the pump , get in there and tighten up that nut and bolt on the flange . So we had Anthony and Jordan with us , two young lads , both 18 , keen to get something done because it's cold . So the putter harness is on , gets in the trench and they tighten it up . They get out , turn the pump back on .

Speaker 3 13:59

About an hour or so later it gets to five bar , starts leaking again , different . So again they do the same stop the pump again , tighten it up . It gets to lunch time and it's at 10 bar of pressure and it starts leaking again . And at that point we get told , as part of our health and safety course , we're doing and all the toolboxes . If something doesn't feel right , stop what you're doing , stop the job .

Speaker 3 14:23

And at that point the guys have been in and out a few times tightening it up and I just I didn't even know what one bar of pressure was capable of back then , but it didn't feel right . There was something in my gut . So I said to the I stopped the job . And I said to one of the guys go to the office , have a word with the manager and just explain that it's leaked at three bar , five bar , it's now leaking at 10 bar . What do we do ?

Speaker 3 14:44

So one of the guys gets in the van , goes back to the office , five minute drive through site , explained that to the manager , he went on to the manufacturer's website and manufactured the , the pipework , and it stated on there like it's all put together correctly , it can be tested up to 38 bar , no problems , it can't go nowhere . So and then he said oh , what has john said ? That was the guy with a street works card . He said john just keeps saying turn the pump off and tighten it up . He said yeah , just go and do that then . So jim comes back . He said no , it's fine , it can't go nowhere , just keep doing what we're doing . So the guys jumped back in and then they tightened it up and then it gets to two minutes past three .

Speaker 3 15:23

It's dark nights , we finish work at four o'clock and I hear one of the I hear jordan shout oh no , it's leaking again . He probably does a swear word in there , but I won't say that . But he was like it's leaking again . He said , and it was at 18 bar of pressure there about now . In my mind yeah , in my mind it's it's two minutes past three . We'll pack up at about quarter to four . It's taken all day to get to 18 bar . We've still got another 10 bar to go and I don't want to wait . I've been sat here all day . I don't want to be here till silly o'clock , I just want to get done and go home .

Speaker 3 15:57

So in all my wisdom I knew that I was physically stronger than these two young lads . I was about 16 still and I'd been working out since I was 16 years of age . So I jumped out my machine and I just thought , if I tighten up all 24 nuts and bolts as tight as I can get them , it's going to stop leaking and we can get . It'll get up to pressure and we can go . I jumped out my machine . I said give us your harness , give us the spanners . I'm getting in the trench . They started laughing used they used to call me Fatty . They were like go on , fatty , you do it . And then I put the harness on . I had the spanners in my hand .

Speaker 3 16:32

As I get to the ladder to enter the trench , I pass the spanners to one of the other guys and then I enter the trench . I'm stood in front of the 60 metres and the spigot end that weighs 460 kilograms , which we were assured can't go nowhere . And then as I reached up to my left for the spanners the end had blown . But I didn't know that obviously . Basically the end blew off at 18 bar . There must have been a lot of air trapped in the pipe because with the initial blast I must have been thrown in the in the air because my boots was found 20 feet away , on another part of the site . So there's been a lot of pressure going through my body in order to fire my boots off that far .

Speaker 3 17:13

But then I woke up underwater , so I didn't know where I was . I just woke up , I was underwater . I thought I was in the local river . I had no idea how I got there . I couldn't get out . I felt like , basically , it's like being a washing machine I was just getting thrown around , I didn't know which way was up and all I could think about was not dying . All I could like think about was my kids and my family , and I remember I'm not a religious person , but I was praying to God please , please , please . I can't die . I'm fed , so I can't leave my boys . I was physically screaming for my mum

Struggling to Cope After Near-Death

Speaker 3 17:50

.

Speaker 3 17:50

I was only trapped , drowning under there for about , just around , about a minute , which , when I say that , it doesn't sound like a long time , but a minute drowning , trapped in your own mind , believing that this is it're gonna die . There's no way out . When they say your life flashes before you , it was , um it , yeah , my life truly flashed before me , and then I thought I was fighting to get out , but I wasn't . What happened was when the initial blah , there was a massive bang . I don't remember that , but there was a massive bang and a wall of water . It was explained as what's best . All the pipes come at everyone . So everybody's turned and ran to protect themselves . And then jordan , the young lad , is any 18 . He turned around and he saw me face down in the water , so he jumped into the trench . The trench is now full .

Speaker 3 18:40

Like I now know , there's around 7 000 gallons of water in that pipe , which has all come out to the end of the majority of it come up to the end of the trench . He's jumped in and seen me late day , thought I was dead , but he grabbed me and lifted me out of the water . Now my harness and my boiler suit had been kind of blown clean off my shoulders with a blast and then obviously I said my boobs was blown off . And as he lifted me out , I just remember seeing loads of faces because everyone heard the bang and come running over and everyone's looking at me and screaming at me to breathe . And I remember being stood there thinking somebody please help me , I can't , I can't breathe , and I was still drowning , basically . And then if Jordan , somehow because I was a big lad , I was like 16 stone jordan with the help of the water probably passed me out of the trench and the guys pulled me out and as I was pulling me out , the water dislodged . I was able to get my breath .

Speaker 3 19:36

Now , considering what had happened . As I said , the pipe was 600 mil , the trench wasmm , so there's not a lot of room in there either side . But if that spigot end had have hit me it would have cut me in half . It would have killed me outright . My 8 tonne digger arm was actually in the trench behind me and it moved my digger arm a metre or so to the end of the trench with a force , so I think the spigot end actually flew like three or four meters . That's how much power was behind it . There was a live water main running directly behind us , running at eight bar of pressure , and the spigot end went underneath that . But if the spigot end had fractured that as it passed , nobody would have got anywhere near me to get me out because it was just there being constant pressure at eight bar . So to say I am very lucky is an understatement .

Speaker 3 20:34

Now , injury wise , I had a cut in the back of my head that needed stitches . I had pipe bed inside gravel stuck in my face , my head , my chest , like shrapnel where it'd blown at me . My elbows had hyper extended so my arms had gone the wrong way and so were all the tendons in my arms and all the lower part of my body . I had cuts and bruises and stuff everywhere , but all my legs and everything was just completely battered by probably the initial pressure . I didn't break any bones , I think I I had a small fracture just above my mouth which was like an airline fracture , but other than that I was very , very lucky and , yeah , it's crazy that I survived it . Apparently , you've got more chance of winning the lottery than you have of surviving that type of incident , quite possibly yeah .

Speaker 3 21:21

So very lucky , so for me , the reason I now do what I do , though , is the mental health journey it took me on . So physically , I had to go for physio . I needed cortisol injections in my elbow just to be able to move my arms , obviously . I got to hospital eventually , and they wanted to keep me in because , obviously , I drowned . I had a head injury , so they wanted to keep an eye on me .

Speaker 3 21:46

But while they were trying to find me a bed this is about half 11 at night all I wanted to do was get on to my kids because they knew that dad had been in an accident . So I could stand up and I could kind of shuffle , but I couldn't walk . But I just said to the doctors look , I'm staying here , there's no need for me , I'm going home . I just said to the doctors look , I'm staying here , there's no need for me , I'm going home . And I discharged myself . But that night I laid with my boys until they fell asleep and then when I went to bed the second I closed . I kept telling myself I'm all right . I was still in shock , obviously .

Speaker 1 22:17

Yeah you're living on adrenaline .

Speaker 3 22:19

Yeah , the second , when I eventually fell to sleep , soon as I like . I say to people , when we're not off , sometimes we'll feel like we fell off a cliff and our leg will kick in in that exact moment . I relived every second of that accident . So the smells , the bubbles screaming to God , please , please , please . I can't die screaming for my mum and then Katie , my partner . At the time , the boy's mum woke me up and said Steve , you , you're having a nightmare and I was having a full-on panic attack . I couldn't breathe . She calmed me down , got me a glass of water , tried to sleep again an hour , a couple of hours later and the exact same thing happened again as soon as I drifted off , I was back underwater . I was back trapped .

Speaker 3 23:07

So my way of dealing with that the next day was we had a fridge full of beer from christmas . Still , we had bottles of spirits and I said , katie , will you do me a favor ? Will you get me a can out of the fridge ? And she said no , you can't drink because you're on the strongest pain killers that the hospital could give you . You're not advised to drink on them . I said I'll be all right , just , it's just a beer . And that one beer ended up being whatever was left . I don't know whether it was 8 , 10 , 12 , 12 beers , but I finished them all off . The following day I turned to the spirits . So whatever Jack Daniels was left vodka , and Katie wouldn't actually get me a drink . She didn't agree with it , so I couldn't get to the kitchen . So I was sending Joe , my eight-year-old son , to pour him a drink and looking back now I just hate the idea of it , but at the time it was just . It was what I felt I needed to take the edge off .

Speaker 3 23:59

And then me and Katie argued and eventually she did go to shop for me and bought me . We couldn't afford anything . We just had Christmas . We lived week to week and she went to shop and got me a cheap bottle of cider just like a big bottle of cider , and I was drinking them for a few days and then the drinking just progressively got worse and worse and I didn't know when I was going to be , if I was going to work again or when I'd be back at work . I didn't know when I was going to earn any money , didn't know what was happening on down that front . So I was using credit cards that was literally already maxed out from Christmas to to gamble , to try and win money , to try and pay for alcohol , pay for food , to pay for bills . I was borrowing off my mum and then my mum was like she dropped me a crate of beer on occasion and then katie said to her you need to stop doing it , stop bringing him alcohol because he's drinking so much . So then I fell out with my mum because she because she wouldn't help me . I said to her right , well , I used emotional blackmail and I said if you're not going to help me , then obviously you don't care . So don't come and see the boys because you're not seeing them . And I ended up falling out with my mum . Because I fell out with my mum , my sister fell out with me .

Speaker 3 25:13

I was arguing with Katie constantly and one thing that really really gets to me is I remember Harry coming over to me . This is like weeks now after the accident and I remember Harry coming over to me to play and I physically , as he went to jump on me , I pushed him away and literally swore at him and said go to your mum and he ran off crying . And then Joe's because all of a sudden I was angry Joe's sat playing with his toys in the living room doing nothing . And then I had to go at him and shower at him and said get all that cleared up and get out my face , go away . And then I went and sat in the bathroom and just cried for like five minutes and thought why am I being like this ?

Speaker 3 25:54

What's wrong with me ? I splashed my face , walked out and I remember katie looking at me and saying are you all right ? And I just smiled at her and said yeah , because I am , I'm good , I'm dealing with it now . I wasn't good and I I was looking back . I definitely wasn't dealing with it . I was broken . I was at that point . I was mentally broken . I I believed that I cheated death that day and that was my day to die . And a bit like the film Final Destination , because I cheated death , it's going to keep coming for me and I didn't leave the house .

Speaker 3 26:30

I didn't go for physio for my injections . I'd make sure that I'd had a drink in the morning , so that that was an excuse that I couldn't go , even though I was in pain and I couldn't move and I needed it . The fear of going out was was where . And then the intrusive thought started and I started thinking well , why am I waiting for it to come to me ? Why don't I just do it myself ? But the idea of that I didn't want anybody to find me , because I know that thing gonna put trauma on them for the rest of their life . I didn't want anybody to find me because I know that thing's going to put trauma on them for the rest of their lives . So I just wanted to disappear . And then in my mind , if I disappear , they'll get over me . And the only way I could think of disappearing in where I'm from is the Humber Bridge , which is classed as a suicide spot .

Speaker 3 27:14

And one night , after a lot of drinking , I got in my my car , I drove to the bridge with all intentions of not going home and I sat there and I couldn't get out . I couldn't . I've knowing what it feels like to drown and to be trapped underwater . I just couldn't do it and I just I don't even know how long I was sat in my car , but I just sat in my car and cried for for hours and then eventually I knew I had to go home . So I turned around and I went home and then when I went in , katie was waiting and she had a proper go at me because I've been drinking all day and I'm driving and where you been , and I couldn't tell her where I'd been because I didn't want her to worry , even though she was probably worried anyhow because of my behaviors over the last few weeks . I didn't want her to worry , even though she was probably worried anyhow because of my behaviours over the last few weeks . I didn't see that at the time and I think in my mind I was trying to protect my family and didn't want them to worry about me . But obviously we had a massive argument and then she said look , we can't carry on like this . You either ring a doctor and you get help or you pack a bag and leave , because it's not fair on the boys , it's not fair on me , you need to sort yourself

Overcoming Trauma and Finding Healing

Speaker 3 28:21

out . So I went upstairs and I started packing a bag and I thought I'm going anyhow . So I'm throwing all my stuff into this bar . I don't even know what I was putting in it just pants , socks , whatever .

Speaker 3 28:32

And as I'm doing that , I had another really vivid flashback . I'm trapped underwater and I'm praying to God please , please , please . I can't leave my kids , please let me survive . And it just hit me here I am ready to leave my kids and and I just had a full-on breakdown I fell to the floor , I panicked , I couldn't breathe and then Katie and the kids came running up . They've got hold of me and she said right , I'm ringing the doctor .

Speaker 3 29:00

Doctor came out . He took one look at me . He said Steve , I'm not a psychologist , I'm a GP . But you've got PTSD , you've got anxiety , you've got depression . And I started laughing at him and said PTSD , guys like me don't get PTSD . You get that at war , in war zones , because that's what I associated it with , with the forces . And he said he explained that anybody who's gone through trauma can suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder . He got me an appointment at mental health hospital the following day , where I sat with a lady and I told her everything I've just told you , guys , but in a lot more detail and she looked at me with a tear in her eye and she said Steve , I'm really , really sorry but I can't help you . I'm not qualified enough . He said I need to speak to my colleague . We'll be in touch really , really soon now .

Speaker 3 29:47

For me I didn't believe anybody could help me and that kind of cemented that . That . That just proved that for me . She just said she can't help me . So my dad had taken me to the appointment .

Speaker 3 29:58

On the way home I got him to stop at the garage shop and I got a cheap bottle of vodka and went on . My dad's like what you got that for ? I said I need a drink . He left me at the door . I went in . Katie saw the bottle in my hand and just turned , turned away . She didn't want an argument .

Speaker 3 30:17

I went upstairs and I remember drinking that bottle . I probably drank it within five or ten minutes , but with every mouthful I was crying into it that I don't want to wake up . Please don't let me wake up . And yeah , I must have finished . The bottle fell asleep and then Katie woke me up the following afternoon or mid-morning and said look , you've got to get out of bed . You've got to get up . You've got another appointment at the hospital . And I said what's the point ? And she said there's every point . Come on , you've got to get there .

Speaker 3 30:49

And this time I sat with a different lady and again told her everything . I told her that I'd downed a bottle of vodka and not wanting to wake up . I was truthful about everything . And she smiled at me and said Steve , I can help you . She said I'm kind of an expert in post-traumatic stress disorder . That's what you're really , really dealing with . She said I'm not saying it's going to be easy , but over the next four months we can get you into a better place . And the second she said that was like a big , heavy rucksack had just been lifted off my back . It was like the second she said what I was going for was normal and she she knew that I'd been trying to hard it and all everything she said made sense and I just felt this massive weight , what come from the back . And yeah , that was where my life started to turn around , like the therapy it was through the nhs , it wasn't amazing , like when my hour was up she'd be like right , see you on thursday . And I could walk out of there feeling worse than when I went in um , but she did put me on the path to being who I am today .

Speaker 3 31:46

And on my very last session , because I kept refusing antidepressants because of the stigma around them , he wrote me a prescription and she said look the , there is backup . If you start to sink down again into this hole , take them and get back in touch . And she said look the , there is backup . If you start to sink down again into this hole , take them and get back in touch . And she said but do me a favor . I said what's that ? She said I know you and you're probably going to go pop and have a pan in your local pub on your way home . She said don't . She said go home and start to learn about the mind , start to learn about yourself , start to learn about mindfulness , about nutrition , the link between nutrition and the mind and once your mindfulness , I started laughing and I said that's all that meditation and all that in it . I said I'm not a chance . I said it's not for me . I said and obviously we've gone through a lot of like break work and stuff for the anxiety and and I was like no , I said that's not for me .

Speaker 3 32:36

But she'd planted a seed and when I did , on the way home , I went straight past my local pub . I went in , I got my computer out and I started reading about spirituality . To start , because I started believing that I wasn't meant to die that day . I didn't cheat there , I was actually meant to get in there because if I hadn't , anthony and jordan might not be here today . So I got in there for a reason and I survived for a reason and and then I started reading about guardian angels and , like I've never been religious or spiritually , I've always thought it's mumbo jumbo , but that kind of put me on this spiritual journey . I started studying , like buddhism and different religions , and reading up on stuff , and then I came across nlp and self-hypnosis and and yeah , I've studied all of that ever since , like for 12 years , and I'm now a life coach and coach people on a daily basis . So that is what . That's what happened and that's why I'm now who I am today .

Speaker 2 33:38

Yeah , I don't know if I can talk , because I've got the tears running down my face .

Speaker 1 33:45

I'm trying not to look at you . Yeah , don't .

Speaker 3 33:51

I didn't mean to call it to you . I didn't call it that Life's good now .

Speaker 1 33:56

That's the main thing .

Speaker 3 34:02

So , yeah , I call it that life , life's

Surviving and Sharing a Traumatic Experience

Speaker 3 34:03

good now , that's the main thing . So , yeah , so , and then , basically , just to lighten it up a little bit , five years ago , because of all the studying that I've done and the tools and techniques that had helped me get out of my dark hole where I was , I just found myself helping random people , you know like , even in supermarkets and stuff too . I'm not the most approachable guy , I'm quite big , bald head tattoos . Most people turn and run the opposite direction . But once people start talking to me and then they just feel this , they just naturally open up about mental , about how they're feeling or what they're going through . And then I started giving them tools and techniques that helped me . And then and they'd say , well , I've had ferritus for 10 years , why has no one ever told me this ? And I'd be like , well , I don't know , maybe it's just lived experience . And then they'd get in touch and say that really , really worked , like my anxiety is nowhere near where it was , or I'm feeling better , or .

Speaker 3 34:55

And then someone said you should do this as a business . And I was like I can't set up a business and I'm like I didn't go to college or anything . I started life as a labourer . I didn't even got no GCSEs . It was like it was not possible . But I looked into it and within two days I'd set up Steve Care , the Life Coach UK , or SK Life Coach UK .

Speaker 3 35:20

And then I had no intention of becoming a speaker . What I wanted to do was my thoughts at the time was a lot of guys in construction won't go for therapy because it's not manly , if you like , and and they've got that same attitude I had . I'm dealing with it , I'll all right . But I thought if they can see my story and see where I've come from , then rather than going for therapy , they might want coaching . So rather than going over the past , we can look at moving forward .

Speaker 3 35:48

So I put a post on LinkedIn just explaining who I am and why I do what I do and a bit about the accident and one of the safety directors from Skanska at the time . It must have popped up on his feed and he saw it and he said Steve , can I give you a call ? So I said yeah and then , as soon as he answered the phone , he said am I right in reading that you survived an 18 bar pressure test failure ? So I said yeah . He said how . I said , I said I said yeah . I said I yeah . He said how .

Speaker 2 36:19

I said I said .

Speaker 3 36:19

I said yeah , I said I guess I'm just really really lucky . He said , steve , that same year he said we actually had a fatality on site . I said it wasn't , I just thought it was gas , but it's still a pressure system , he said , and the pipe filled that free bar and the guy died instantly . But looking at your images and our site , it just looks so the same . He said I had to speak to that guy's family . He said I had to , like , lead the investigation .

Speaker 3 36:46

So he said would you come to our office in london and share your story ? And I said what do you mean ? And he said , just literally , there'll be all the management safety team . He said , just just share it . And I was like why ? And he said because there's a lot of lessons we can learn from it . So I said yeah , yeah , that's fine . And then I because I was off work for seven months , but then I actually went back to work on that site for about four years and became site supervisor and I had a good relationship . So so I got in touch with the client because , as I said , I had a good relationship so .

Speaker 3 37:19

So I got in touch with the client because , as I said , I had a good relationship on there . I worked on there for four years after the accident and I said can I have some information from the investigation ? And he said , no , I don't think we're going to want you to do that . And I said , well , what ? Why I'm not going to mention the client , I'm not going to mention contractors or anything else , literally just the story . And he said leave it with me . So I left it . Left it a couple of weeks , sent him an email , sent him messages , tried calling him and he was just ignoring me . He wasn't replying . So somebody said to me if you'll write to the health and safety executive through freedom of information , they'll give you the full report . It's like they're the governing body . They'll have everything . So I wrote to him and I explained who I was , the times , the date , the incident , and I got an email back saying sorry , steve , we don't know anything of you or of an incident or anything that's happened . So I then thought well , that's strange . So I sent another email to my contact and I said why did why about the HSE know anything about the accident ? And he'd been ignoring me for weeks and he rang me up within five minutes and said what do you mean ? What what the HSE said ? So I said well , you didn't get back to me . So freedom of information . I sent off for the investigation . So he said do you want to come on site tomorrow and we'll explain how we reported it ? So I said yeah , yeah , I thought I need to know . So I goes to the site and I was expecting to see a laptop or a folder with a report of some kind and all there was was an A4 piece of paper with dangerous occurrence written across the top of it and a number , and in the box it said operatives suffered minor injuries during a hydrotest failure . And that was the only information . I've got it in the cupboard . What was on there ? So I said so you're telling me it was a near miss . Basically it was a dangerous occurrence . So he said well , yeah , because she didn't break any bones and because she came on site the next morning . That's how we did it .

Speaker 3 39:22

Now , going back to the accident , the client had their own on-site ambulance and their own medical facility . So after about 15 minutes I was I'm in and out of consciousness . I don't remember much of this . But the ambulance turns off . The lads have stripped me half naked because it's hype . I'm it's ice cold water , so they're trying to warm me up and stop the bleeding .

Speaker 3 39:42

Two guys get out the ambulance . One comes over to me , one goes over to the trench and he's on his radio and he's looking around what happened , trying to kind of put a picture together . They then get me into the ambulance with sirens and flashing lights , take me to the medical facility , they strip me completely naked and then realise they haven't got any clothes that fit me and they haven't even got a blanket . So they put me in a paper hazmat suit , just a see-through paper suit , and then they put a work coat on me . The sticker goes on my head to stop the bleeding and then they got me back in the ambulance . So I thought I was on my way to the emergency room to Hull Royal to find me Sirens and flashing lights .

Speaker 3 40:22

But then about two minutes later we stopped and we were in the site car park and they got me out of the site ambulance , put me into a colleague's car and told him to take me to the minor injuries unit on the council estate , like 10 minutes away , to get my head stitched up . We go to minor injuries sat in there for about half an hour because the guys they didn't know what happened and no one had rang through , so they weren't expecting me . And when I turned up I just sat at the back while james spoke to the guy in reception and he said he said , oh , you need stitches in the back of his head . He said yeah , yeah , we'll get to him . And then a nurse came through and looked at me and was like this war . She was like what the are you doing here ? And you look like you've been beat up by 10 men . And James said , as the company not rang up , she said no , nobody . I said I can't help you . You need to be out here and you need to be at hospital . You need to be at hospital now . So she was going to get me an ambulance but james said that it'll be quicker for him to get me through . It was only like 20 minutes through town center . So I get to hospital and I get the pipe bedding took out and I get stitched up and I have my scans and all the rest of it . But on the way to hospital sorry , I don't remember this either , but

Safety Culture and Workplace Incidents

Speaker 3 41:35

it's what I've been told .

Speaker 3 41:35

On the way to hospital , jim's phone rang and it was the shift manager , the site manager , from the client and he said right , what's happening ? So james said we've been to minor injuries , but is I've got to take him to royal infirmary ? I've got to take him to hospital . His words were for say , make sure you're both on site tomorrow and put the phone down so I get to hospital . I need to get on to my kids . But in the back of my mind I don't know if I I was thinking this , but I know how I would I would have been thinking we've just had christmas , I've got no money , we've got no saving . I I've got a manager telling me I've got to be back on site tomorrow . So when them doctors are telling me I've got to stay in because I've drowned and I've got a head injury in my , I want to get home to my kids . But in my mind as well , I've got to , I've got to be at work tomorrow . So I discharged myself , went home , had the nightmares , as I said , the flashbacks .

Speaker 3 42:32

The next morning at eight o'clock there's a knock at the door and it's one of the guys from work and he turned up with a minibus and he said Steve . He said I'm sorry , but you've got . You've got to come on site . We need to get . We need to get a statement .

Speaker 3 42:44

And I said I can't walk . I was in pain , obviously I couldn't move . He said don't worry , I'll help you into the bus . He said you just got to come on site to give a statement . I get to site . The director came over to me and said I'm sorry this has happened , steve , but I need a statement . So I said well , can I give it now and go then , please , because I haven't slept and I'm I'm in agony . And he said no , I need to speak to the other five guys first . I'll speak to you this afternoon . It'll be about half past one now . I didn't stay that long . One of the supervisors saw me and he said you're not staying here , and he got me in his van and he took me back home again and then I was off seven months .

Speaker 3 43:20

But looking back at it all now , the reason that their ambulance couldn't leave site , it's a site ambulance yeah if they had rang me an ambulance , they would have then informed the police , who would have then informed the health and safety executive exactly . So so from that very moment they chose to cover it up . They knew if I didn't get on , if , if I didn't swipe on site the next morning there was no record of me swiping on site , they'd have a lost time incident on exactly . So they made sure that I was back on site and then to find out seven years later that it wasn't even reported . Skanska had a fertility a few months doing a similar job . And if , if my incident or the incident on that site had been investigated properly by the health and safety exec , then they'd have put a briefing out uk wide about procedures and and about that incident , what we could have learned from , and that I might still be here today . It might not be , but yeah it could have been .

Speaker 3 44:22

If we don't report something , we don't learn from it , and the only reason they didn't want a lost time incident as the client was because there'd be so many guys at the very top of that tree who wouldn't have got their end of year bonus if they'd have had a lost time incident . The principal contractor went on to lose the contract . It was like million pounds , so it did it . The ripple effect of the accident impacted a lot of people , but the only reason the client wouldn't report it in that way was what I've been told by somebody from the same organization is because certain people at the top of that ladder wouldn't have got their NDE bonus . Now , for me , you cannot offer monetary rewards around safety because it encourages non-reporting and there is still companies out there that do it and it's like give that money to the guys on the ground instead . Give them more time to get the jobs done rather than putting the pressure on them to get the job done . Why give money to prevent the safety when it's just going to encourage non-reporting ?

Speaker 2 45:26

That is a debate we have regularly . Actually I was working with a client a couple of years ago and the guys were going all these other companies offer safety bonuses and they offer this . Why don't they do it here ? You need to speak to them . To speak to them . New low must tell them this is what we want . And I said you know what I'm going to do . I'm going to congratulate them .

Speaker 2 45:48

They were like what I said and this is why and exactly your story , because when you reward certain behavior , that's what you're going to get .

Speaker 3 46:00

Yeah , 100% . It just encourages non-reporting . I've had it myself on other sites where I trapped my thumb in some concrete on a crusher and I needed like my thumb had swollen up , I needed to go and get it checked out and again I was just kind of rushed off site , took in a car , went and got it sorted . I was back on site within a couple of hours and then they put me on light duty for a couple of days . That happens and I get that , but as long as it's put in the medical book and there's record of it and whatever else . But when it comes to covering up lost time incidents like that , then that just impacts . So many people don't learn from it and people can die because they've not learned from them lessons so so true yeah , that that same site .

Speaker 3 46:47

Now we're talking 13 years later since my accident . That same site , that client , different principal contractor , I'm not going to name anyone or anything , but a few months ago they put a post up on LinkedIn saying we've gone two and a half years about a lost time incident . Now my uncle works on that site and last year I think it was November time last year he got hit by a forklift . Now he wasn't in , but he could have broke his legs . He went into the back of his legs and basically damaged . He pulled his muscles but they did the same .

Speaker 3 47:22

The ambulance came in . The outside ambulance took him off site , put him in someone's car . He went to minor injuries , he got assessed , he came back and they put him on . They picked him up the next morning because he couldn't walk properly and they put him on like duties for three weeks in an office . Now Now that's the same client , same site , different principal contractor , but the culture is still the same and yet they're saying they've not had a lost time incident . That should have been a lost time incident , but again , I reckon that same client is still offering bonuses for safety and that's why it's the way it is .

Speaker 1 48:00

Yeah , I mean , if you think about what we try to do when we're working with clients is to help them think differently about all of that . But there's a problem , a systemic problem in the industry in that . Well , that's an assessment , all right . Until work is not won by a number called LTI , it's going to be very difficult to change .

Speaker 3 48:26

Yeah .

Speaker 1 48:27

Because unfortunately , the next contract comes by that number being low and whilst that systemic problem exists , whether it's oil and gas construction doesn't matter right . Probably the only place it doesn't happen too much is actually the airline industry , but they actually they invite the conversations . It's not like what the rest do . So until that shifts in some way , it's going to be . Really . It's a difficult problem .

Speaker 1 48:57

I was on a project in Chad several years ago and they were having that big celebratory dinner with everybody on site , you know , celebrating 10,000 man years or whatever it was . I can't remember exactly , but it was some extraordinary number . Without an LTI . There was a man in hospital having his thumb stitched on , but because they didn't send him back to home , it didn't have to be recorded that way . Now the sad part is , when we're on site , working in the role that we work in , what we've got to try and do is keep morale up as much as anything else that we do for the community . That's on site . There was lots of people saying we're not stupid , but we're going to enjoy the barbecue , and on the other side of the coin you're sort of like well , it's great that they're celebrating your individual successes . Don't look at the big picture . It is very , very challenging yeah very .

Speaker 2 49:52

One of the things we talk about is that blame fixes nothing , and that's whether it's in the context of work or and I mean I love Todd Confin's description of blame is a bit like peeing in your pants it feels all warm and fuzzy for a moment and then it just gets awkward . If we think about that conversation , and without maybe coming at it from a place of blame but what would you like to be seeing being done differently going forward ?

Speaker 3 50:22

as in when it comes to reporting . I think it's everything that I'm kind of preaching about when I do my talks stems from communication , from the boots on the ground to management . And then when you're communicating as a team and you've got that rapport and you create that trust , then everything gets done a lot better , a lot safer , people feel open to talk . But that same client who is offering cash for bonuses around safety to me that's something that has to change across the board for everybody .

Prioritizing Safety in Workplace Culture

Speaker 3 50:59

You can't monetize safety . Everyone says like safety is our number one priority . Safety is not someone's number one priority . Profit is there's no business . We've got to earn money and if safety is taking up a lot of money in that , they are going to take risks and cut corners and and do whatever they need to do to get the project finished . Safety I've worked on many sites where safety is number one priority and zero tolerance and all this and everything else . But you've got all your permits , you've got all your paperwork . But if something needs doing and then need it doing now , you go and do it on a Saturday when there's not many people about when you do the job . That's got to change . Health and safety is priority . It's got to change like safety , health and safety is priority . It's okay . It's got to be on par with whatever the business is .

Speaker 3 51:48

But there's so many I speak all over the uk and a little bit across europe and some businesses are absolutely amazing . You can see what they're trying to do around safety , around mental health , around communication . And then you get others that are like yeah , we'll put two people on a mental health first aid course and it's like the culture , like I remember driving through one of the sites and there's people sat on a roller on the mobile phone like talking while they're , while they're working . There's a machine man sat with his foot up on his mobile phone , using his elbow to use the operating machine , and I'm like , are you going to stop and say something ? And he's like , well , what can I say ? I'm like , well , you've got to tell them . Do you know what I mean ? Or are they just going to carry on and encourage other people to do the same ?

Speaker 3 52:35

I said the safety culture . You're riding on luck . I mean something's going to go drastically wrong . But again , some companies put a lot into it , some not so much . They just want to get the job done and get paid . But I think when it comes , when it comes to cash bonuses around safety and projects , that's what's got to stop for me , because that just encourages non-reporting and then we're not going to learn , we're not going to move forward we're on the same hymn sheet there .

Speaker 1 53:07

Oh , absolutely , pardon the pun . Um , all right , there are so many key points from this that I think what I'd like to say at this point is that we're going to listen to this and we're going to pull out the key learnings from this conversation and we'll share that with you , and we'll put that because our conversation becomes a written document as well . Yeah , so we'll put some energy and effort to actually go a little bit further than beyond transcript type thing and really also make people pull out some key points and we'll share that with you . Maybe and we can , you know , go back and forth and I'm saying this for everybody to hear us say that this is what we're going to do um , so , so can't tell you how much we appreciate the time that you've given us for this , and I think this is such a powerful conversation to share with everybody that wants to listen , and we really do hope people will listen and listen to the nuance of what is actually behind all of this .

Speaker 3 54:19

Sorry for jumping in . No , go for it . Like when I finish my presentation I don't , because a lot of my presentation I do talk about behavioral safety and the choices we make to save time , to save money , and often before we do that , before we do something , we'll tell ourselves it'll be all right , like we have that conversation with ourselves .

Speaker 3 54:37

If something doesn't feel right , it's like , I'll be okay , it'll , it'll just burn and most of us think like me , at 32 I , I thought I was kind of immortal . I've lived till I'm old and nothing could . Nothing could hurt me . I wasn't scared of anything , or . But I learned that day that we are really really vulnerable , you know like , and our mental , our minds , no matter how mentally strong we think we are , it can turn on us at any point . It's really really delicate , and if you're having to tell yourself it'll be all right , it'll be okay , then just take a step back and just ask yourself but what if it's not ? What is worst case scenario ? Who do I need to talk to ? What do I need to do ? And that's whether it's something physical . It's turning up on site and you haven't got the correct PPE , but you think it's a two-minute job , it'll be all right . It will it be all right , though they're not . Like , what is it going to impact you in five years if you haven't got a dust mask now , but you're going to carry on doing the job in five years time , you're going to look back and think I wish I'd have wore that mask . So if you're having to tell yourself it'll be okay , it'll be all right , or even with your mental health . If you're struggling with your mental health and you're telling yourself , like I did , I'm dealing with it , I'm all right , are you really dealing with it ? Could you deal with it any better by speaking to somebody , and then I kind of like life .

Speaker 3 55:53

Life is a story and we go through chapters and some people go through a really , really dark chapter now construction in the uk . You're looking at two guys a day ending the life , sure , and like last year , across all sectors , 138 people died at work . Now , a lot of that , a lot of them , the fatalities , obviously , incident , it comes down to lack of training , comes down to the risks . It comes down to trying to save time , trying to save money and for me , we shouldn't be losing that amount of people in 2024 . The safety protocols we've got , the procedures , the ppe with the working standards we've got . We shouldn't be losing anyone . And when it comes to losing two guys a day to the mental health , again more , even though more is being done , even more needs to be done we need to talk . So , for me , life is a story and we go through chapters and we might go through a really , really bad chapter , but that doesn't have to be the end of your story . If you reach out and get help to rewrite the next chapter , you can go on to live an amazing life .

Speaker 3 57:01

I'm now living my best life . I'm doing something that I'm passionate about . I'm married to my childhood sweetheart . We was together when we were 16 and not seeing each other for 20 odd years and got married last year . Never been happier . But me 13 years ago I wouldn't have seen this , being able to know I wouldn't this , this was never going to happen . Yeah , I'm not okay , but me 13 years ago I wouldn't have seen this , being able to know I wouldn't this , this was never going to happen . Yeah , I'm not . But me and katie split amicably like nearly three years ago . Kids are up harry's now um 17 , joseph's 21 and the . We're all really really happy , doing really really well . But back then I couldn't see this , whereas I've gone through them chapters now and , with a bit of understanding and a bit of learning , started to write my next one , and life's never been better . So somebody is in a dark place . You will get out of it . You just got to speak to yeah .

Speaker 1 57:58

I think that is a beautiful note to finish on .

Speaker 2 58:07

Thank you for joining us today . It is always lovely to have conversations that matter To learn more about creating a culture of safety and care . Please visit our website safetycollaborationscom to access our show notes , resources and guides . Leave us a message via the message us section on the show notes page and we'll get back to you .

Speaker 1 58:29

You can also join our community on social media by following us on our LinkedIn pages Safety Collaborations Karen Avari and Noola Gage and on our new Safety Collaborations social channels YouTube , facebook and Instagram . Our handle Safety Collaborations is much the same Sharing is caring . Follow us on your favourite podcast platform . Leave us a five-star review . It would be awesome . Doing these things helps us to grow and share our collective conversations .

Speaker 2 59:00

Till next time stay safe and stay well .