175: How Can 2 Grooms Ditch Destination Wedding Drama for P-Town Joy?

Have you wondered which traditions you should keep, ditch, or remix when you’re not a hetero-normative pair tying the knot?

Jesse from New York reached DMd me on Instagram, asking for some tips on his same-sex destination wedding in Provincetown, Massachusetts.

While this episode is tailored to Jesse’s questions, which include dilemmas around mixed gender bridal party titles, suggestions for outfits and styling, pitching the trip to his future in-law’s family (who are questioning the need, and expense, and why P-town feels more exciting, welcoming, and safe than NYC for the grooms), alternative traditions, and photo list suggestions. I know many hetero couples face the same family pushback when they dare to dream beyond the standard expectations or the usual local wedding celebration. 

It’s a tricky line to walk and there’s tough conversations to be had, but also real excitement and creativity about what’s possible, and how Jesse and his soon-to be-husband, Justin, can make their day their own. 

RESOURCES 

Ep 3: Tim & Simon - How to adapt hetero wedding traditions as a same-sex couple: https://open.spotify.com/episode/54FA4UyVJ4ViWimfqjP6r7

Ep169: 169: What a Love Party Really Is (And How to Plan One You’ll Actually Enjoy) with Amy Shack Egan: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7b5eLPHpvAPVDth5zhygGY

Lauren Ashley Grenda: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DOSMp68jkA1/?igsh=MXJ5N2FudHRieW84aQ==

BCaptured by Ky Luu: https://www.instagram.com/p/DSHwYwbEqo7/?img_index=12&igsh=djdid21uZnViem9v

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DDMX4vapMP_/?igsh=MTQyaHJobGl3OHBrMg==

Send Unbridely a 90-second audio message on Speakpipe: https://www.speakpipe.com/unbridelypodcast

*The Unbridely Podcast is sponsored by its listeners. When you purchase products or services through links on our website or via the podcast, we may earn an affiliate commission.*

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This episode of the Unbridely Modern Wedding Planning Podcast is brought to you by Easy Name Change.

You simply choose which companies you need to notify, and they send you detailed process instructions for each of your companies, plus ready to send forms, letters, and emails, so you just attach your marriage certificate to them and you're done!

More info on how to change your name after you get married: https://unbridely.com/blog/name-change-after-marriage 

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Unbridely acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we record this podcast on, the Kaurna People. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures.

Transcript

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Have you wondered which traditions you should keep, ditch, or remix when you're not a heteronormative pair tying the knot? I hope you know, but I'm gonna say it anyway. If you've ever wanted to reach out for some advice or just hope to get a different perspective on a particular wedding problem because you're going around and around in circles, you know you can DM me, right? And that's exactly what Jesse from New York City did on Instagram, asking for tips on his same-sex destination wedding in Provincetown, Massachusetts. So while this episode is tailored to his questions, which include dilemmas around mixed gender bridal party titles, suggestions for outfits and styling, pitching the trip to his future in-laws' family, who are just quietly questioning the need and the expense, and they want to know why P Town feels more exciting and welcoming and safer than New York City for the grooms. Anyway, we'll get there. Jesse wants to know about alternative traditions and photo list suggestions. Obviously, this is specific to Jesse and his future husband, Justin, but heaps of hetero couples face the same family pushback when they dare to dream beyond the standard expectations or the usual local wedding celebration that they might have had in the past. So I considered answering Jesse's questions privately, but then I thought there is plenty of optimism and value that anyone can take from this episode that will help lots of other couples navigate very common dilemmas. And I'd love to put this little disclaimer here. As you know, I'm driven to help all couples, to help them share their truth and their heart confidently and really express what lights you up most, but also recognizing that some of your closest family and friends will not have the means to support you. As in enough time off work, maybe it's enough money, good enough health or mobility to be able to join a destination wedding to celebrate you. It's a tricky line to walk, and there are tough conversations to be had, but also real excitement and creativity about what's possible and how Jesse and his soon-to-be husband Justin can really make this day their own. Let's get stuck into it. Unbridly is a community of pro-wedding vendors who believe in freedom and integrity in weddings, giving you options, solutions, tips and tricks to create the experience and memories that you and your fiance really want and deserve. Because we believe that weddings are a team sport with how-tos, stories and interviews with recently married couples. We find out what went right and what they'd change if they could go back and do it all over again. I'm Camille and welcome to the Unbridly Podcast. The first question Jesse had was about what would traditionally be called their bridal party members. Jesse asked what to call the There Are No Brides party. Okay, this one is great because you've got heaps of fresh options that go well beyond gendered labels. If I'm reading your intention correctly in your DM, Jesse, these people that you've chosen, they are literally special people in your life that you'd like to honor with an elevated role on your wedding day. And I'd bet that your connection and your relationship with them, your past, your history, everything you've been through wasn't ever determined by what gender they were. They're just your favorite people in the world, right? So how about trying these on for size? There is the one that I use day in, day out, wedding party. They're a group of people pulled together for your wedding. They're a wedding party. There's the slightly more formal wedding attendance, you know, but then to me that harks back to servants. Uh so yeah, I hesitate on that one, but you might like it. Wedding attendance. What about VIPs? And friends, person, people of honor takes away the gender, just recognizes how important they are. Best person all together. They could be the squad, they could be the wedding squad, or could be your I do crew. And I really like this one. I found this one online. Accomplices for a bit of a playful edge. You know, they're they're your partners in crime. They're the people you get up to no good with, have an awful lot of fun with accomplices. You could pair these terms uh personally as well. So, like Jesse's best person or Justin's VIP, and list them that way on invitations, on programs, maybe on a wedding website and signs as well. And make sure to have your officiant introduce them by those titles, maybe your DJ or MC as well. This keeps it all really inclusive. It celebrates your bonds and it lets your mixed gender crew shine without the old school labels. The second question Jesse had, and he's got a few, was around the dress code. And he wanted to know with a mixed gender wedding party, how do we style them? All right, so let's let's unpack this because for modern weddings, I think, and this is just personal preference, but I believe it's really important. And mixed gender wedding parties are such a brilliant opportunity to celebrate everyone's unique style, especially Jesse, for your P Town vibe. That reminds me, for those who aren't familiar, P Town is not a place where a lot of people, you know, urinate in the streets. It's a popular name for Provincetown, Massachusetts. And so this is Jesse and Justin's destination of choice for their wedding. And the reason why is because in the States, it's a renowned coastal resort town. It's located at the tip of Cape Cod and it's known for its vibrant LGBTQIA plus community and famous for its beautiful beaches, art galleries, nightlife, historic harbour, lighthouse, etc. So let's put this mixed gender wedding party thing in perspective because I really want you to know, Jesse and Justin, and you, listener, where bridal parties come from. And it might change your attitude and your opinion about how to style them and what they should be wearing, etc. So, way back, we're talking ancient Roman times, bridesmaids, who, by the way, were generally not friends or family members of the bride, but servants, as in maidens, handmaidens, wore identical dresses to the bride to confuse evil spirits who might attack at the wedding. So they they thought they were protecting the bride. You know, they were confusing, you know, it's like, which one's the bride? I don't know, we're all dressed the same. Okay. And then later, when it was accepted that evil spirits might not be the biggest worry at a wedding, the maids were dressed the same as each other. So that any adversaries, you know, your enemies, who were thinking of kidnapping the bride and holding her to ransom, couldn't tell which one was which, because all women looked the same, right? But then fast forward a bit to the Victorian era, it evolved that attendants should be dressed sort of like matching wallpaper that blended into the background, that matched the decor as such, and it was intentional. So the bride would stand out as the star. You know, she's she's in a contrasting dress, she looks completely different. All the others, they look the same. Um, so here's the question for you two, Jesse and Justin. Do you want that sort of uniformity for your wedding party at your wedding? Or does honoring individuality, which to me feels very you, to extend to your wedding party as well? If I were you, I'd start by having a relaxed chat or a group video call, maybe if everyone's not in the same city, with all of your wedding party. And just say, hey, this is everyone. Has everyone met everyone? Awesome, awesome. Chat, chat, chat, maybe have a drink. Justin and I would love to know what outfits make you feel most confident and like you. Because then you can nail the type of clothing, you know, like the type of outfit. So jumpsuit, pant suit, dress, linen separates, whatever it might be. Because as you know for yourself, when you're dressed up and feel good in an outfit, you're so much more likely to show up, whether it's at work or at a party or wherever, with extra confidence and a bit of a spark, a spring in your steps, so to speak. And that means laughing bigger in photos, not being as self-conscious, owning the dance floor and being fully present for you on your big day. And then from there, I'd be tying everything together with a very simple palette. I would keep it to three complementary colors, and just for argument's sake, for an example, let's say soft sage green, warm sandy beige, and a crisp white, which would be ideal, right? Perfect for P Town's beachy vibe. And then from there, I would let my wedding party's personalities shine. So you might have one VIP of honor in a sage blazer with a white shirt, beige trousers. Another might be in a white linen dress with sage colored accessories. Other wedding party members, they can mix it up with sage ties, pocket squares with their favorite suit cuts. And then to tie it all together, you could add a shared unisex touch, a little element like custom enamel pins, maybe mini P Town lighthouse pins, or matching sandals for the beachy bit. You'll end up with a wedding party that's coordinated, confident, totally reflective of your values and inclusive love story. Now, from what you shared in your DM though, Jesse, because I did ask you a few extra questions, it sounds like your plans are for a much more formal dress code with your ceremony on a beautiful historic monument that apparently overlooks the town, with the reception in the town hall auditorium below. And listener, the AI renderings, they look gorgeous. So think luxe, classy, lots of candlelight. And Jesse, I love how you and Justin are going with matching tuxes, but with you swapping out the black jacket for a white jacket, iconic. I think the dusty blue dresses for the women and the gray suits for the men, they look incredible together. They're really complementary. And as it's a more elegant, elevated style you're going for rather than paired back beachy aesthetic, then you should absolutely run with it. When it comes to roles during the ceremony, I also think it's a little conventional now and a bit outdated for wedding parties to stand at the front, you know, in front of the guests, beside the couple getting married, you know, all lined up, sort of military style, for the entirety of the ceremony. I mean, what are they actually doing up there? I think the processional or aisle walk entrance is still a lovely way for everyone to get their moment as your favorite people. And even a little intro, a welcome, a thanks, a roasting, either before or during the welcome and introduction of the ceremony itself is so much fun. Your photographer will also want to get a wide shot of everyone standing up the front all together, looking their absolute best at the very beginning of the ceremony. But beyond that, maybe doing a reading, bringing up the rings, uh, signing your legal documents as a witness. It seems to me especially unnecessary to have your wedding party craning their necks to see you, you know, to be able to look as you exchange your vows. Because remember, again, these are some of the most important people in your life. So wouldn't you rather that they have a seat? Or at the very least, join the rest of your guests so they can see and feel the emotion and celebrate you in that moment rather than being on display like dolls up the front. I don't know. These are just my personal thoughts. And as time has gone on as a celebrant and the role of wedding parties during the ceremony have evolved, I feel like times have shifted. You know, they're not protecting you from evil spirits anymore. And to wrap up the wedding party part, you also mentioned, Jesse, that you don't know anything about hair and makeup for your wedding party members who want hair and makeup, you know, professionally done. And that you, Jesse, have four women and three men on your side, and Justin has four men and three women, all cis, I'm guessing, that you've got two siblings, two work colleagues, two friends, and then the best person, maid of honour type person. So this responsibility, because Jesse, yourself and Justin probably won't be getting full professional hair and makeup. You might want a bit of a touch-up, but it's not going to be one of the biggest ticket items on your budget. So this responsibility is definitely one for your wedding party leaders, those maid of honor types, whatever you want to call them, whatever their title or role is going to be. They are going to be like team leaders for you and can do the research into an excellent group of makeup artists and hairstylists that can transform those who want hair and makeup services done without taking eight hours to do it. So they want to be sure to get referrals. They want to be looking at local artists and stylists in P Town. The style of hair and makeup needs to be thoroughly talked through, like photos shared, agreed. This is what we're going for, and the cost agreed by everyone. Commonly these days, if a bride expects her bridesmaids to have hair and makeup done professionally, she would cover the cost. Well, it would be covered in the wedding budget. You know, the couple getting married would cover the cost. It's not as common, but also an option to go halves on the cost. So that's yet another sensitive discussion you'll need to have as early as you possibly can. Because, and here's the hard truth it's not unusual for a bridesmaid or two to drop out of a wedding at what feels like the last moment for the couple. Uh, she's probably been building up to it, but it feels like nothing was said, and then all of a sudden she said, I can't do it anymore. And the reason why is due to the costs, especially hair, makeup services, dress, shoes, uh, travel, accommodation, etc., being more than she anticipated at the start, or due to problems with her finances, like changes in her cash flow as the date gets closer. In your situation, because you want your wedding party to travel for your wedding, I believe, and yeah, it's no comment on you if you didn't do it, but I think it would be excellent etiquette for Justin and yourself to cover the costs of professional hair and makeup services. Okay, you ready? Because question number three was the absolute kicker. How do we pitch our gay friendly destination wedding to our family and friends who are travel averse? Now, as soon as I read travel averse, I'm like, what do you mean, Jesse? Like, what exactly are we talking about? So when I dug a little deeper and asked more questions about why Jesse thinks they'd even have to, you know, he used the term pitch the idea and why it might not be accepted. This is what he said to me. And I'll quote, guests are generally supportive. I'm in the arts on Broadway, and Justin works for a queer health organization. My people, Jesse's people from New York City, have the funds. Awesome, and they're accustomed to traveling, brilliant. So the issue for them is time and scheduling flexibility. While Justin's people are generally not used to traveling, especially for weddings, and they're having a hard time grasping the concept that we want to be somewhere where we will feel safe and comfortable holding hands all week during the wedding week and take photos in the streets, etc. etc. Jesse said P Town is where Justin and himself feel their happiest. So obviously, this question is so nuanced and complex, and the generation gap and social norms, tradition, and obligation run deep. If I'm going to tell you what I think though, I need to be clear. When you choose to plan a wedding celebration somewhere where there's added costs or at a time that's not convenient for your guests, you need to be willing for them to number one complain, and it sounds like they have. And number two, potentially to not attend. The flip side of that is having a local wedding at a time when most people can attend, and it's still not being right for some people. I think it's important to say you're planning a wedding, and there are some people who, no matter what you do, are going to really let you down. Equally, there are going to be some people who make you so incredibly grateful that they are in your life. And as with most things in life, there's always a way if you really want it to happen. I also can appreciate that in the US, I've been told and I understand, and and I've had a look, I've spoken to people, it sounds like you don't have adequate annual leave entitlements, not like we do in Australia. So that makes it tough as well. But imagine this scenario. Let's say one of those friends of yours has another wedding or two to attend this year. But those ones are both in New York City and yours is in P Town. It might not even come down to a decision that they actually make because their leave entitlements and their discretionary spending limits might be used up already. And there may be no wriggle room, if you like, on days off, on money. So from your perspective, Jesse, that might look like a really bad friend or a friend who doesn't care. But from their perspective, there's just nothing they can do if they want to keep their job and they want to keep the friendship of those two other people who just happen to be having their celebrations where they live. And let's face it, most people want to keep their jobs and they want to keep their friends. So what I would always recommend, always, is to follow your heart, knowing that P Town is what you both want, but also knowing that some of the people who mean the most in the world to you might not be there. It will hurt. But I would encourage you not to burn bridges over it. Now, rather than having a second wedding as such, because who's got the funds and time and everything for that, if there are immediate family who can't make the trip, then something like a formal dinner with them afterwards, maybe even wearing your tuxes again, might help to ease their feelings of being shut out and your feelings of not being supported by them. And if it's friends who are super supportive but just can't make it, suggest they throw you a party one night when you're back home to celebrate your marriage. It's not your responsibility to fit their mold or bend to their needs, basically changing your life for them, but you still want them in your lives, right? So it's a little bit of give and take there. As far as pitching the idea, I think it's important to ease into it with empathy. We get it, we understand it's it's a hassle. It's more than you've had to do in the past for other weddings. No family weddings have required travel previously. But P Town's just an hour and a half from New York City, and there's the whole walkable vibes like a seaside village, you know, explain the magic. There are beautiful sand dunes, lobster rolls, and a safety net of total acceptance that we don't always feel in New York City. And make it easy for them. You know, share a no fuss Google Drive link to some researched accommodation options. Um, help them find airport transfers and maybe activity ideas, you know, if they're coming for the whole week, make it as easy as possible. Then you're gonna have to let it go. As a side note, I know how these conversations and negotiations with those closest to you can be really difficult. To me, it's like heavy weight, like right at the pit of my stomach, or almost a sick feeling in my throat. And I can also absolutely appreciate how you might feel like procrastinating on this one. You know, we'll put it off till later, we'll ask them later, and you hope things might change. Or you maybe want to opt for sending an email, you know, putting it in writing a letter, so you don't have to face them or talk to them about it. Either, you know, being on the phone and hearing them in real time saying, I'm sorry we can't make it, or looking at you and going, We won't be traveling for your wedding. It's crushing. However, this is also a pivotal watershed precedence for the very start of how you're going to set and accept standards in your married life together. So are you going to hide or stifle your needs in the future to keep the peace? Or do you want to choose? And you can start right here with this discussion with family. Can you clearly and confidently express your needs while also respecting that others might not be able to support you in the way that you'd really want? Have the chat, keep it calm, remove the blame, and find a middle ground that you can live with. And seriously, I wish you the very best of luck with this discussion. Did you know that most newlyweds spend up to eight hours of their precious time working through changing their last name after they get married? This is where easy name change comes in. Their kits provide you with a sort of shopping list of businesses, companies, and government departments where you simply pick which ones you need to notify. They then send you detailed instructions on how to go about the name change process, because every business is different, and this saves you hours of calling around, waiting on hold, sending emails, waiting for a response, and then remembering to follow up when you don't hear back from them. Easy name change kits also provide ready-to-send forms, letters and emails, so you just attach your marriage certificate to them and you're done. Starting at$39, the value and time you get back is a no-brainer. For more help on changing your name after you get married, there is an excellent blog post on the Unbridly website, and I'll put a link in the show notes for you. Plus, unbridly podcast listeners get a$6 discount on their name change kits by using the code unbridly6. That's UN B R I D E L Y 6, the number 6, and this is valid until the end of 2025. Get your easy name change kit so you can move on to the fun parts of being grown-ups together, like holidays, getting a dog, building a house, herb gardens. Okay, now that that heavy bit is done, question number four is fun. Jesse wants to know what should they include and what shouldn't they include from more traditional, i.e., bride and groom, heteronormative, weddings. If I was being honest, I'd say skip fucking everything. And like my guest on episode 169 of the Umbrabi Podcast, Amy Shack Egan, as she advocates, have a love party instead. Grab her new book, I'll put the link in the show notes and go from there. But I can also see from the pictures that you sent, um, like the AI-generated photo of you guys and your tuxes, to the reception styling, you know, you're aiming for the town hall auditorium to be set up with gorgeous decor, elegance, bit of old school style, and some appropriate references to traditions and customs. So in this case, this would be on my list. Keep these things. I think the processional or entrance, often down an aisle, you should absolutely both have that opportunity if you want it. One of my very favorite gay couples' weddings, um, many, many years ago, had, and see if you can picture this. So, one wedding party, let's say wedding party one, entered first, one person at a time. They had a really upbeat song and got down to the front. And then groom one with both of their parents escorted them, you know, either side on each arm to the same song. And they got down to the front. The groom gave hugs and kisses to his parents. This is groom one at their seats. They sat down and then he went to his wedding party, who was standing up the front, waiting for him. Hugs, kisses, handshakes, all of it, to all of his wedding party before stopping in the center. And that song faded out. And then the second groom's song started. His wedding party, one at a time, down the aisle. You know, they're high-fiving people as they're going down. And then the second groom walked down the aisle, flanked by his parents. He got to the front there where their seats are. He kissed them goodbye at their seats, and then went across to groom one's parents, hugged them, and then went up the front to his wedding party and high five, kissed, hugged all of them. Like seriously, and the music's still going. This is groom number two's music. Once he's done with his wedding party, groom one went across to groom two's wedding party, groom two went across to groom one's wedding party, and they said hi, you know. However, they said hello, fist bumps, you know, it was really lovely. They all really like each other, they all know each other. It was beautiful. Then they both met in the middle again after having these moments. They had a kiss and hug themselves, the two grooms, and then turned around to look out at all their guests, and everyone waved. The guests gave a massive cheer, and then we faded out groom two's song. And and what I wanted to say was, and that's what all we have time for today. Thanks for coming. Q Laughter. Um, but yeah, then we got into the ceremony. The reason I loved it so much is because it wasn't rushed. Both grooms had their moment and their own songs, both sets of parents were honored, and both sets of wedding party groups were honored, and it was so freaking joyful that the guests literally clapped along and, as I said, cheered when they got to the front together. What a fucking vibe to start with. And both grooms were in tuxes. It was like a formal celebration, but with a really light-hearted atmosphere. Another one of my favorites was when one of my couples who are featured in episode three of the Unbridly Podcast, it's called Tim and Simon, How to Adapt Hetero Wedding Traditions as a Same-Sex Couple. And I'll add that link in the show notes too, because there's some great stuff there. They entered their ceremony together with their gorgeous golden retriever Malibu at the peak of a favorite song of theirs, after I'd hyped up their guests. So there was an instrumental part at the start of the song. It went, oh, I want to say like it felt like a long time. So I reckon it was like 32 bars of instrumental at the start. And the music built and it built and it built. And so we wrote a script for me to say to get everyone excited, to let everyone know what was happening, and going, and if you're able, could you please stand? And right at the peak, just before the beat dropped and the vocals came in, that's when the couple entered. It was a vibe. So yeah, I think having a processional or entrance coming down the aisle together to the ceremony, I think it's a must-have. I think it's beautiful, no matter what your gender, no, no matter how you identify. Saying your vows and ring exchange, absolutely. And write your own vows for that beautiful, raw, personal touch. Everything else in the ceremony is pretty much the same same. The first dance is pure magic. There don't have to be gender rules on that. Just you two lost in the moment. And for keep again, toasts or speeches from your VIPs. They add laughter and tears without old gendered scripts. Just keep your speeches short. Three to five minutes. Seriously, it's all you need. Then when it comes down to things to skip or remix, so in the ceremony, the giving away, who gives this woman? Yep, baf. You can ditch that. Bouquet and garitas during the reception are outdated and they're sexist and they're awkward. Swap them out for confetti poppers or a streamer dance, something like that, so everyone can join in. Cake cutting. It's fun if you want, but also, since the early symbolism of cutting the cake together represented the breaking of the hymen, you're probably okay to ditch that one. Alternatively, you could feed each other whoopee pies from a local bakery instead, and capture that playful intimacy. You could pour bubbles into an elegant champagne tower, or for a perfect pea town vibe, maybe a fresh shucked oysters tower. So imagine tiers of crushed ice, lemon wedges, tiny Tabasco bottles, briny, luxe, and screams, seaside feast, let's party. Father-daughter dances might not land, but mother-son dances might still be in the mix for you. Another thing I love is when a group photo is taken on the dance floor, as soon as the couple enter their reception. And then, as soon as the photographer has got the shot, the DJ or band drop a banger. Everyone is there on the dance floor. They can't help but dance, and Unite is kicked off. And the last question that Jesse had, question five. He wanted to know how to alter the traditional photography and videography shots, you know, which are usually based on the wedding dress and bridal parties, etc. Okay, first up, a great wedding photographer, hopefully with some experience shooting same-sex couples, will let the moment and connection drive their photography. They won't be going down a shot list of certain poses. I think a great outline for the day is to have some getting ready photos, maybe a first look, your ceremony, family photos, wedding party, portraits, a bit of your reception, and maybe some sunset shots if you've got a clear day. There's no need to over-engineer poses. So if your photographer focuses on the details that Justin and yourself have chosen for your wedding, whether that's the view, the decor, architecture, your guess, or first dance, it will mean that the photos of these different elements that you've chosen and spent so much time planning will be of value to you too. Connected poses, like forehead to forehead, standing close to each other, you've got your hands around each other's waists, your foreheads gently touching, eyes closed or soft smiles, whatever. The almost kiss, leaning in close enough to kiss, but you hold it just before your lips meet. Sitting on steps or a low wall, both leaning into each other like you just, you know, you're hanging on the couch at home. These focus on your connection rather than a specific pose. If it's like you put your arm here and then relax your hand, and then you do you want to be relating to each other how you normally would. Walking and movement poses. So hand in hand, walk towards the camera, look at each other, sway, sway together, like a little mini first dance, but outdoors, somewhere gorgeous. You can do just simple, simple, simple, like lead the way, one groom slightly ahead, turning back with a smile, reaching out a hand to the other, like, come on, let's go. Playful. So a piggyback, a shoulder lean, an inside joke, a dirty joke that you whisper to each other that will capture the reaction rather than a pose. And just walking and talking, strolling along, talking about your favorite moment at the wedding while your photographer shoots from a distance. You've also got the grandma will frame this sort of poses. So very classic, standing close to each other, your shoulders touching both facing the camera, relaxed, genuine smiles, or the go-to American gothic with blank stares straight ahead. You can also use your jackets. It's casual but polished. It's like uh a bit of a James Bond thing, jackets over the shoulders or slung over one shoulder, standing together, looking like an editorial shot, but still warm, still yourself, still relating to each other. And I'm thinking P Town may lend itself to some scenery-driven choices as well, like being on the dunes, on a dune ridge, you know, framed against the sky or on the pier. But the key is, for the most part, you don't want to be a slave to prescribed wedding verticomas photos. You're wanting special event photos for sure, but you're wanting a photographer that focuses on and captures the emotion, your emotion, the special details that you've planned, and your favorite people just being them that better dressed. For me, I love wedding party poses that are celebratory. So getting your people around you, whether it's a champagne bottle, whether it's just them cheering, whether it's them literally lifting you up, whatever. Love it. Um, Vanity Fair editorial style. You know, everyone's looking like they're on the front page of a magazine and they've got gorgeous furniture. That's so much fun. I love a Last Supper pose where everyone's, you know, sitting along a long table and uh yeah, just being a bit cheeky, being a bit fun, or a hype team dance-driven photo with the group of you. You can relax with them, you can have fun, and they don't restrict you to certain gender roles. Look up Lauren Ashley Grender and Key Lou, that's K-Y-L-U-U, on Instagram, and you'll see exactly what I mean. And I'm going to put their links in the show notes as well. They are masters at photographing like large group wedding parties. So, Jesse and Justin, that is my take on your fantastic province town plans from accomplices and sage palettes to oyster towers and forehead touch portraits, all tailored to your inclusive, joyful vibe. I say follow your hearts to that sparkling week away, because your truth shines brightest there. Even if that means some guests might need a New York City mini celebration later on. And again, thank you for trusting me with your story. I know it's going to be legendary and I can't wait to see how it all turns out. So if this sparked ideas for your day or reminded you of dilemmas of your very own, you can DM me on Instagram at unbridly any old time. I'm here for it. And until next time, celebrate your people. That about wraps it up for this episode of the Unbridly Podcast. For the links and resources we mentioned, please head to the show notes. And if you love the show, please review and subscribe on the podcast platform you're on now so you don't miss out on a single episode. Thanks so much for listening. And remember, weddings are a team sport. Catch you soon.