Moms are the busiest people on the planet, so how do you find time to take a breath and do something for you? Katy and Casey discuss what they do to make sure they have a chance to recharge, even if only for a minute!
Highlights include:
Check out our mom blog:
imthatmom.com
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Moms are the busiest people on the planet, so how do you find time to take a breath and do something for you? Katy and Casey discuss what they do to make sure they have a chance to recharge, even if only for a minute!
Highlights include:
Check out our mom blog:
imthatmom.com
And our store:
CadenLane.com
Katy 0:01
Hey, welcome to I'm That Mom, the podcast about motherhood without the pressure of perfection. My name is Katy, I'm a self taught entrepreneur who started my baby company while pregnant and grew it to an eight figure business as a single mom of three. Join us as we discuss the fun, funny and messy parts of motherhood. We're certainly not experts. We're just here to support all the moms and hopefully, collectively, we don't completely (bleep) it up.
Casey 0:31
Okie-dokie, today we're talking about finding time for yourself as a new mom.
Katy 0:36
did you say okie dokie?
Casey 0:37
I did. Sorry. I'm like half mom mode half work mode.
Katy 0:42
Okie dokie smokie. Yes, our favorite topic to talk about, apparently -
Casey 0:49
I know!
Katy 0:49
I feel like everything we talked about comes full circle to like, well, if we just prioritize ourself, life would be easier. And honestly, if it was just that easy, right? To do that, then we'd all be doing it and we wouldn't be sitting here having a podcast about it.
Casey 1:04
No, exactly.
Katy 1:04
that's for sure. Okay, so I wrote down, asking for help as number one, because I feel like the only way as a new mom that you're gonna be able to find time to prioritize yourself is to ask for help, because we just do all the things by choice. You know,
Casey 1:24
yeah.
Katy 1:25
what's happening, but yeah, so whether you need to ask for help from grandparents or, you know, aunts and uncles or friends or find a nanny or babysitter. I mean, do you guys have a nanny - or not a nanny, a babysitter? Do you guys have a babysitter?
Casey 1:39
We do. Yeah, we have like, I mean, we always go to the grandma's first, which like, that's always nice, too. It surprises me like what they'll say yes to.
Katy 1:49
really?
Casey 1:49
Oh, yeah. I don't know. Just, that's the thing, though. I just I, I struggle with asking for help. And so whenever -
Katy 1:57
and they both live here, right?
Casey 1:58
Yeah, yeah, they're obsessed. And they always volunteer. And then on the off chance, they're both busy, we have a go-to babysitter, and she's always around, which is awesome.
Katy 2:08
Yeah. So is it always just for date night? Or do you ever just like have a sitter come and help? Maybe for a couple hours on a Saturday, so you can like run errands by yourself?
Casey 2:19
Um, we haven't done that yet. Just because, like Kevin and I can trade off with each other. But I mean, actually, you know what? No, we have done that with a grandma before where like, we literally just went to like Home Goods.
Katy 2:35
Yeah.
Casey 2:35
And like went shopping.
Katy 2:37
But just a break. But even you know, you made a good point, when you were saying like, Oh, well, Kevin, and my trade off. I'm like, That's awesome. Because, you know, I come from experience with early on when my babies were little. I mean, I had to almost ask permission to like, leave the house by myself. And not that sounds bad. Like when I say ask for permission, but I would kind of say like, Hey, will you watch the kids while I run to -
Casey 3:03
Yeah, like, is it okay?
Katy 3:04
Yeah, like, ask permission. And they never did. They just would go, I'm going to wherever. And I was like, okay, because I just always had the kids and always was doing it. And so I think that if you and Kevin are doing that and splitting it, that's freaking amazing. How do you? How do you get all the women listening that are like, Oh, my God, I do what Katy does. And I say, Hey, can you watch the kids? Like they're babies, not the dad, which also watch the kids is not the same as like you're parenting like, this is your job to.
Casey 3:38
Yeah, it's not babysitting. I don't know, I am lucky because he loves to spend time with her. But I do catch myself doing the same thing because I work full time too. And so like that taking that extra time is like I have to make the choice pretty much between like taking that time or spend it with Grayson.
Katy 3:58
So you kind of feel guilty, right, like -
Casey 4:00
Yeah!
Katy 4:00
You think you have to take her with you to target -
Casey 4:04
Or if I leave her behind, I'm like, Is that okay with you? That I'm not here.
Katy 4:08
Yeah,
Casey 4:09
I get it. But at the same time, it's so important to do that, because like you said, like, he doesn't always do that. But um, so like, he takes his time during the week. And so that's something else we figured out is like, when each of us like is available for that free time.
Katy 4:26
That's smart. So maybe like maybe yours is on a Wednesday and you go get a pedicure, or something that kind of gives you that moment where you're not coming home first. So you're not transitioning to Mom, you're you get to go from work and have that like,
Casey 4:41
yeah, so I know like -
Katy 4:42
That is so smart, get your hair done or whatever.
Casey 4:45
but I know like Wednesday night like I can do whatever I want because that is -
Katy 4:50
his night that he's committing to like, you know, I don't care what you're doing where you're going. You don't have to ask permission. There's no guilt associated with it. How smart Is that? Right? Did you give him a night.
Casey 5:04
Um, I mean he doesn't have a night.
Katy 5:07
No, Casey, you did not.
Casey 5:09
He works fro himself though,so it's different because he makes his own schedule.
Katy 5:12
Okay, he has like, all day.
Casey 5:14
And so like if he feels like he has the time to step away from work, he can go do that and go play a round of golf. I don't have that luxury. Yeah, that's where we had to learn to compromise because it was not always that peaceful at first, at first he's like, you come home from work and, and then you disappear because you're going to do this, and you're going to HEB, the grocery store. And I'm like, Well, yeah, but when else would I do it?
Katy 5:40
Who's going to do it! yeah. And also, by the way, you've got free time in the middle of the day, you know what we eat.
Casey 5:45
Yeah, no, this arrangement, like came from an argument. That's for sure. It's like because we were both like missing that like time for ourselves that like we're okay, this has to happen.
Katy 5:57
I love that, I think I'm gonna ask for a day.
Casey 6:00
You should. This is my day.
Katy 6:03
everything, of course, is a negotiation. So I think I might start off with like, three days, because, right? Like, my goal is just one day. So maybe if I ask for three, then he'll feel like he's winning, you know, because remember, I told you the baby name trick, like this is, this is completely off topic. But if you want to get your husband to agree to something that you want, the trick and write this down, ladies is to make them think it was their idea, or that they won. That's all, every man on this planet only wants to win at whatever it is on whatever. Yeah. And so when Casey and I were talking about names, baby names, I hope he's not I hope Kevin doesn't listen to this, because then he's gonna know our trick. But it is -
Casey 6:48
I'll block him.
Katy 6:49
Yeah, I said, you know, if you have a name that you love, or in my scenario here is I want one day like off, right? So go in with all the other ideas like because they have to, they've got to shut, shut it down. At some point, they have to say no, I don't like that. Like, no, that's not my favorite. So you can say, well, I want to name the baby Rachel. No, I don't like Rachel blah, blah, blah, or whatever the names are. And and then you just kind of in passing be like, Okay, well, what about you know, and you're naming off a bunch of names. And then you like, say the name that you love most like in a pretty voice or whatever? And then or have them repeat it. And go, you know, what of those names did you like best? And then they go back and repeat three and you're like, Oh, my God. I love that. Well, did you ask, What was that last one? You said? Did you make that up? Where did you hear that? I love even though
Casey 7:41
you're so smart.
Katy 7:42
I know. It's brilliant. I know. And I can do the same thing with my days off. And so then if you go into this whole - and they're like, Well, I thought you said it and go no, I don't think I said that. But I really that's like you did good.
Casey 7:56
I like your idea.
Katy 7:57
Yeah. And then they kind of wear it for a while and then immediately throw out names you know that they'll hate. Like, go straight for the super trendy, like, well, then I'm gonna name my kid, you know, Thursday, and and then they're like, No, I told you and then you're like, Okay, well, I like that when you came up with - girls. That is how you get -
Casey 8:19
brilliant.
Katy 8:20
I know they can't see you like doing the brain thing. Well I guess on the camera we can, but anyways, it I feel like that little trick applies to a lot of things. So maybe I'm gonna go in with a, Hey, I was really thinking like, every other day for an entire week, I could use the afternoon off and he's gonna immediately shoot it down. And then I'm gonna have to figure out a way to weasel my way back to that one.
Casey 8:44
hey, it's better than nothing.
Katy 8:45
I'll let you know. Next week I'm gonna let you know like I've figured it out. But yeah, so I mean to that, like, back when we started off talking about grandparents, aunts, uncles, and daycare and babysitter nanny and asking for help in general, like, just figure out a way, you know, and maybe it comes from, you know, conflict resolution, right. That's how yours came about. Yeah, how can we make this better, but, you know, maybe start when you start to feel like new moms start to feel overwhelmed, sit down, have the conversation before the fight happens, you know, and say, Hey, I heard this podcast. And what do you think of something like this? And, you know, because I think there's a lot of women out there, and especially the stay at homes that have their kids all day, are constantly being pulled in a million directions, you know, doing all the things, everything for the house, and you know, there's probably a little bit of resentment when their husbands get to go off to work. And you know, they're out socializing and they're like play golf all day, but they have a sales job and you're just like reeling, which I'm sure you had a bit of that and you're like, I know but I don't get time and then they say to you, but I worked all day.
Casey 10:02
Oh, that line.
Katy 10:03
Yeah, I mean, that stings, whether you're a stay at home mom or working mom. It stings when your significant other says But I worked all day because it's not like we're sitting around at the spa doing you know anything in any situation. And so I think really setting the tone at the beginning of this is a 50/50 thing like we're both equal parents and let's figure out a way - you want some me time? Great. I want the same amount of me time. You know?
Casey 10:36
another thing too that like some of my friends have done - and like to either because of a fight or to help avoid the fight
Katy 10:45
so much brilliance comes from fight.
Casey 10:46
I know, it really does. That's when you know you have a problem. And sometimes like, you don't realize you have to fix something until it's broken.
Katy 10:54
Yeah, true.
Casey 10:55
Oops. Okay. Yeah. Um, but one of my friends, she listed out like, every little thing that had to be done, because they both work and how to take care of the kid. And she was like, Okay, this is literally every single thing that has to be taken care of, like, I can do these, but I need help with this.
Katy 11:13
That's awesome.
Casey 11:14
Whether it's the husband -
Katy 11:15
how long was her list? Like? Was it like a book?
Casey 11:18
I mean a little bit. No exactly, because, but when you think about it, all of that adds up. So like, whether you need to, like ask a grandma or like, if you have the ability to like get a housekeeper or do something. Yeah, whatever that help looks like there's there's ways to get there.
Katy 11:38
Yes. And you can have it out in the list. So you're not leaving something out. Like it's more, there's more thoughtfulness that goes into it.
Casey 11:45
and I think that helps the people that are visual too, because like, you can like talk all day long about I did this and that, but sometimes if they see it written down it can click with them a little better.
Katy 11:55
I remember a fight back in the day. And I, I listed out all I was like, because it was one of those like, the every single couple out here has had this fight like I do more than you, right, like, every, I do more than you. And so I was like, Let's list them out. And I said, I'm gonna list out mine. And man, I was still writing, like, I'm just like, and I do this, and I do this, and I do this. Okay, so then he gives me his list has like maybe five things on it, maybe all of which were things that we split, like doing the dishes, like where it's already something we had negotiated to half and half. So I put away my own laundry, you know, that kind of stuff? And I'm like, No, you don't get to list things that you - I didn't know this list was all the things that I also do for myself,
Casey 12:42
like washed laundry first?
Katy 12:44
yes, yeah, as I said, just I want you to list out something that you do for this family that has zero involvement from me, like, period, because my list was primarily just stuff I did, you know. And I think I just I mean, I don't think everything anything ever even got written down. So we immediately then made a list and I was like, this one of these is becomes yours, and one becomes mine if we can't be split half and half. And you know, and it did work. And I was able to take my frustration with that. I mean, I was so young, right? Yeah. And apply it to my relationship now. But I think that's so smart. And like really great marriage advice. You should be like a counselor,
Casey 13:26
oh, my gosh, no.
Katy 13:28
But, you know, people should talk about that stuff more like that's a really great idea to take into a relationship at any point, whether you are newlywed, married five years, 10 years, 20 years, how awesome to just kind of write it down and be like, just, you know, let's take a pulse on this so that I that we feel like we're both equally contributing to this relationship. I bet you that, you know, he or she would appreciate that too.
Casey 13:57
I think so. And I mean, if anything, like use it as like a pat on the back moment for yourself to say, look at everything I get done in a day.
Katy 14:05
pat on your back, you mean like a bragging moment?
Casey 14:07
I mean, we need those too!
Katy 14:09
like, like, look at how I ran circles around you in the day.
Casey 14:14
I mean, you don't have to say it out loud. But you can at least look at it and be proud and yeah, I get all of that done. So I think that's important to you to like give yourself kudos for everything you do.
Katy 14:26
Absolutely.
Casey 14:27
Even on the slow days it's still a lot.
Katy 14:28
It's chaos. It is still chaos. That's why on our birthdays and Mother's Day, the one thing we don't want to do is mother Yeah, like every I think every woman everywhere has always on and mother's days when it's most I don't know funny to me. Because birthdays always like I want to do my favorite things like whatever I love most doing that's what I want to do.
Casey 14:51
Yeah.
Katy 14:53
And half the time it is I want to celebrate with my family and have my kids and do my favorite dinner or go to a restaurant. Whatever. but for some reason on Mother's Day, the one thing I really don't want - you're smiling because you know, like, and it's so thing is like it's about mothering and I'm like, just all I want to do is not mother, like, can I just all the questions need to go to you, all the cleaning needs to go to you, all the mothering, all the neediness, all the like hanging like do you ever just feel like at the end of the day, you've got nothing left to give, because it's like all oozed out of you. And so yeah, on Mother's Day, I usually find myself going, I just want everyone to leave me alone. Right? Yeah, let me let me just take a moment and breathe on Mother's Day.
Casey 15:40
That's so funny. My mother in law actually has a pretty good line about that. So she raised three kids by herself. And whenever she had those moments, and the kids were like, Mom, she'd be like, moms that HEB and she would just like be in the bedroom or in the bathroom but be like mom's not here right now.
Katy 16:01
Oh, really? Like she's like, No, I'm not mom. Like, Yeah, completely different person. Yeah, yeah.
Casey 16:07
I'm taking a moment. Yeah.
Katy 16:09
What did they say? What did, how did Kevin say he'd answer that?
Casey 16:13
Oh, they always just thought it was so funny. And I mean, like, the Kevin was the oldest and so he's the ringleader, so he'd be like, alright, can't bother mom right now for like, five minutes.
Katy 16:24
Mom's having a moment.
Casey 16:25
Yeah. Mom's at the grocery store.
Katy 16:28
I have done. I don't think I do it that gracefully. But I've definitely have moments where my teenagers and everyone's asking 1000 things at once. And I have homework and I need this and that. And then, you know, we've got to do a last minute trip to Walmart because somebody has a project. And I'm like, stop. I need everybody to stop, you know, and they all look at you like deer in the headlights and you're like, yes, like, oh God, we do mom's about to have one of those freak outs, you know, and I'm like, I need I need a moment. And I'll go into my room and I'll shut the door and I take a breath. And you know, the oldest is usually like, are you okay?
Casey 17:06
The oldest always knows.
Katy 17:07
The oldest always knows, they're like, this could go both ways. We have to tread lightly. Mom, good. Mom could break at any moment.
Casey 17:16
That's why we don't wait until Mother's Day for that one day.
Katy 17:18
And that's why I should have a Wednesday like, now I know why you can be-bopping in Thursday morning all happy because I'm like, Casey had her Wednesday, and I'm still like trying to secretly manipulate my husband into giving me a day. He's like, I'm not even your kids dad, this is your thing. I'm all dammit, how do I get a day? Um, but yeah, I you know, so I wrote down finding time for yourself as a new mom, or any stage mom. Grandparents are good at finding time for themselves. Like, that's why I feel like my whole life is training to be a grandma.
Casey 17:58
Those are going to be the glory days.
Katy 18:00
I know! I'm gonna rock star it. I watched my mom come in. She's like, whirlwind takes the kids give them whatever they want to eat. She doesn't care. Yeah, she's like, Oh, you want this? Here you go, you know, not my problem, whatever. And then - and she does, she crash grandparents and then she disappears for like weeks on end.
Casey 18:21
That's my mom like, my mom this weekend, she like came over like stayed up with Grayson in the middle of the night when she was sick. And she's like, okay, but I'm unavailable next weekend because I'm going to Mexico.
Katy 18:33
Oh my god. Oh, yeah.
Casey 18:35
Well, you did your duties then. Thanks.
Katy 18:37
Yeah, I saw Oh, I wish I could remember it exactly right now, but it was like a, like a meme on Instagram. And it said, I'm really sick and tired of my mom always. Or yeah, of my of my mom always leaving her grandbabies with me. Like, it was like a reverse. Like, I'm so sick of my mom, not taking care of her grandbabies. You know, like, because it's us, because we're also the kids and it's kind of we want to do them. This isn't fair. Yeah, to our mom. But yeah, it's, yeah, I'm gonna rock star grandparenting and then just hand them back. I'm gonna spoil them rotten. And then I'm gonna give them back and I'm gonna say Karma is a bitch kids.
Casey 19:22
I think my grandma's have is so good. Because they they've already made it to the other side. Like they have seen it all.
Katy 19:29
I am ready for the other side, except for my oldest is like 20. And so I really actually probably need about 10 more years. But
Casey 19:38
it's not too far off.
Katy 19:39
I'm closer than you are.
Yeah. You're within reach.
Oh my gosh, this was so fun. I love these conversations. So and I got a great piece of advice from you. I'm definitely going to be requesting my Wednesday. But anyway, so that's it. We are wrapping up another fun podcast. Don't forget you can check out our brand Caden Lane at Cadenlane.com, follow us on all the social medias, the Instagrams and tiktoks. We've got a great blog that Imthatmom.com. And subscribe and leave a review. We'd love to know what you think.
Casey 20:13
Thanks. See you all next time.
Katy 20:14
Bye