Learning to trust God again when you feel like He's hurt you Episode 2, Pt. 1

This week I discuss trusting God.

Transcript

“It’s the Salt for me”

 Podcast Episode 3

“Trusting God”

Welcome to Episode 3 of “It’s the Salt for me, brought to you by The Salty Christian.” I’m your host, Marie. I invite you to subscribe, share and comment below.

Today, I will talk about trusting God. If you listened to the previous episode on Forgiveness, then you know I am trying to strengthen my relationship with God. On that episode, I talked about how I needed to forgive God (and myself and others) to get back the relationship I once had with Him. 

I’ve done some soul searching and I hate to admit it, but I’ve found out that while I have forgiven God, I don’t fully trust Him anymore. I could sit here and tell you how I trust God more than ever since I forgave Him, but I’d be lying and He would know I’m lying too, so what’s the point? It’s not like God doesn’t know every thought in my head – before I even think it, so there’s no foolin’ God, is there? Try to understand it this way: Have you ever had someone in your life let you down? Tell you that you can count on them, they got you only to drop the ball and are nowhere to be found? I know it sound foolish, but, for better or worse, I’m scared to put all my trust in Him again because He let me down so much in the past. I know that God works everything together for our good – even when it doesn’t feel like it. He can see things we can’t see, hear things we can’t hear, He can see the complete picture while we can only see small parts. Even though I know how He’s shown up for me before. It’s like I know all the good He has done in my life, miracles He has performed, but I feel like He stopped showing up for me, didn’t love me anymore, so much so that I shut down. I stopped trusting Him with the things that were happening in my life. And, if I couldn’t trust God, who could I trust? I know that sounds really ignorant, but if I’m being truthful, I felt like the only person I could rely on was myself – and that’s always a recipe for disaster!  

How many times have you interfered with God’s work instead of just trusting Him to take care of it? I have interfered more times than I care to admit. God has spoken to me through other people and I’ve ignored it. One particular time many years ago, I was going through it with one of my children. I was praying, crying, and praying some more. I went to work one day and at lunch, I decided to go to a Christian bookstore that was on the corner. I went inside and was browsing around when this gentleman started talking to me. He told me he was a pastor at a church in another city not too far from where we were. I can’t remember his name now, but I took note of it then. I asked him to pray for my child. He said he would , but before he left the store, he said, you know, you really need to let God do what He is going to do and stop interfering with His plan. As long as you keep interfering, God can’t do his job. 

Now, you have to understand what I had been praying for to really appreciate what he told me. I prayed for many things, but the jist is that I had been praying that God would intervene in my childs life – and to let me know what I could do to help.

Well, God clearly wanted me to mind my business and let Him handle the situation and He told me as much through this stranger. Did I listen? Absolutely not! Even though I went home and looked up the church and found out that the church had burned down probably before I was even born and that the pastor who spoke to me was nowhere to be found! Who was this man? Was he an angel? I don’t know. 

I do know that this is how God operates in my life when I am 100% His and because I am human, there are times that I still don’t listen! Have any of you gone through a similar situation? Did you listen to God? At the time, I was DESPERATE! I wanted something to happen quickly. I needed my child to be ok and I was sure I could do better than God. I couldn’t and I didn’t. I made things worse.

Sometimes for me, I feel better when I take care of things so I know it’s done. I think I carry that over to into even God’s territory which is frightening. On top of that, little man be pumping me up! Be having me thinking I’m gonna handle my business on my timeline. I don’t need to wait on God. Like I can manipulate that timing and outcome for my benefit cause let’s face it: sometimes God just takes too long! Ugh! Yeah, I said it… But when things ultimately go straight to hell (and they always do) because I’ve interfered with God’s plan, that’s when I am reminded of who God is and that God has his own timing and that things will happen not only when BUT as they should and that I need to trust God.  

So, this week, I will focus on trusting God. How am I going to go about trusting God? I’m gonna try to give in wholly and completely. I’m going to stop trying to play God. I am going to attempt to hand over my entire life to God – which isn’t going to be easy. If something happens, I am just going to turn it over and not worry about it. Let God take my burdens. Hopefully, little man won’t be all up in my business! 

Yes, I have questions, you already know…

The first question is:

1.      Why should I trust God, and, does trusting God mean doing nothing on my part to get the ball rolling?

a.      Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall [a]direct your paths. 

                                                        i.      This verse tells me that I need to trust in God. Not Sally, Beatrice, or little man. They are human just like me and make mistakes. If I’m going trust someone, I need to trust the One who doesn’t make mistakes even if I don’t understand why He does what He does!  When I acknowledge that God is in control and always has my best interest at heart, He will direct me. 

                                                      ii.      I knew what Bible verse I would use as an example for the 2nd half of this question about getting the ball rolling. Have you ever heard someone tell you, “You know, the Bible says, God helps those who helps themselves?” Well, I was TODAY YEARS OLD when I found out that it doesn’t exist in the Bible! It’s NOT a bible verse! I have heard that since I was a child. I always assumed it was in there, but never really needed the verse to quote it until now. Why do people act like that’s a biblical verse or am I the only one who didn’t know?! So now what? Am I supposed to wait for Him to fix it, come up with a plan and pray about it? What happens if I don’t hear from Him and I need to know right away? Do I just sit idly by and do nothing?! I’m not sure that I have that much patience. I don’t know if little man gone mind his business that long! Ugh! Here we go…

2.      Is TRYING to trust God enough to begin with or does it have to be all or nothing?

a.      I looked for a verse in the Bible that would give me some clarity about this. I couldn’t find one. If anyone knows of one, please put it in the comments below. In the meantime, I’m gonna do some soul searching on this one and will get back to you next week.

3.      How do I continue to try and trust God when it APPEARS that He is helping everyone be great except me?

a.       Ecclesiastes 3:1: 1To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven. 

                                                        i.      To me, this tells me that I guess I’m supposed to wait for my time. My season to be great. I sometimes get jealous of people who seem to have it all together. I think that’s a natural reaction. I know we shouldn’t feel that way, but, we are human. I feel like God has chosen them over me and I feel some type of way about it. What’s so special about them? Why do I have to suffer, when clearly, I’m a much better person than some of these people? It makes no sense. It’s hurtful and disrespectful. I’m gonna look into this some more. If anyone has some insight, please comment below. I’ll touch on this again next week 

For my homework this week, I will be working on trusting God – through good and bad. No matter what happens, I am going to trust Him and I invite you to join me on this weeks journey.  

Again, I invite you to subscribe, share and comment below.

I’ll let you know how it goes for me on the next episode of “It’s the Salt for Me.” Until then, be blessed and be a blessing.