Courage Under the Stars with Michael Vieyra

"I just always assumed that it was their first marriage" with Jeff Pride

August 24, 2022 Michael Vieyra Season 1 Episode 3
Courage Under the Stars with Michael Vieyra
"I just always assumed that it was their first marriage" with Jeff Pride
Show Notes Transcript

Jeff Pride is a good ol' boy at heart but the city has got a hold of him and he seems here to stay, Always in a great mood, always ready to help. He sat and chilled with me for a while and here's some of the things we talked about:
Happy parents
Judging ourselves
Finding balance
Fighting to become a better actor
...and much more

So put on your chill and come listen in.

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Welcome to courage under the stars with Michael Vieyra. That's me, I am Michael Vieyra. Here I speak off the cuff with people that I find interesting. We are going to sit in a darkened room, just Yeah, allowing you to eavesdrop. I tell my guests, no politics, no religion, but otherwise, I don't care what we talk about as long as it comes from my heart. I hope even just a small part of it resonates with you. Some of it will, some of it won't. And that's okay. But I'm just glad you're here. I really do love all of you. And thanks for coming. Let's get this thing started. How is it weird? Looking up at the source in my room? That's a good question. Like I was saying I was kidding around before you started recording. And I would say just the whole experience so far. This is definitely like a weird one of the weird things that I've been asked to do. I'm not sure that lens lens, great credence to my little podcast, Jeff. You know, one of the things I love about you is your stupid laugh. And, and your nonstop smile? I got to ask you right up front. What is the deal with that? I used to wonder before I met you. Is it fake? Is he? Is he really in a good mood? But you really do seem to be? Am I Is that a myth? Am I correct? No. I know you used to. We had this deep Converse. I mean, not deep, deep ish conversation one time at 200. South when you were like in this, like self discovery of happiness. Yeah, that and you were asking me are the same question you just asked me, which is are you authentically happy? Or is it an act? And? Yeah, my debt my dad is just always in this pleasant, nice, optimistic place. I mean, place and way all the time. And so I mean, they they definitely pass that on to me. And so yeah, it mean, truly, it's authentic is all hell. So you're telling me that growing up your dad was not what I would call a typical dad. Your dad was always fun and playful. And in a good mood. Yeah. Yeah. What a blessing dude. I know. It was like, really? Anything that's happened in my life? It's because my parents are both like truly the most amazing parents and people that I could have been blessed with his parents. Yeah. My dad was a pharmacist originally went to pharmacy school, he was always trying to figure out ways to make money. Of course, like every man, yeah. And then when he had me, with my mom, he basically wanted to figure out a job where he could spend more time with me. And so he's started selling real estate so that he could spend more time with me and go to my practices. He Oh, do you? I was five, probably like, once I started playing sports. I think my dad always wanted a boy that played sports. And so once I became that age where he could play with me and practice with me, I think he basically became this real estate agent. So he did not have to be at the office all the time, because it's a farm. Come see your games and whatnot. Exactly. Yeah, I really don't think my dad ever missed a game that I played in. Is your dad still with us? Yeah. And is he? Does he still carry the same gregariousness? Or is he a little more so sober? Yeah, no, he does. He just, it's like, what's weird about my dad? Is that I would say, because he's so optimistic and positive about things. And he just, he's just not worried about life or anything happening. Yeah. But I would say the one flip side of that, or downside of that is that there are times I wish my dad was a little bit deeper. Because like, my dad really only cares a lot of times about the finish line. Like he doesn't really care about the journey as much. Ah, so like, he's always like, Oh, great. You booked that thing? Or you accomplish that thing? That's great. What's next? It's never like, tell me about how you felt when you were doing that thing, or what was the struggle or? Yes, so tell me tell me more about how that made you feel. And so is that the way that I'm hearing that I could be hearing it wrong is it's he's not deep across any level can you can just have a conversation about any other life politics, whatever else. Yeah, we can. And but, but it's, it really is ultimately a lot of times more surface, and that's always been my biggest complaint about my dad. I have had incredibly deep conversations with him if I've ever been in trouble or really needed him. Am I can talk to him about that stuff, but it's not really his comfort zone is comfort zone is, again more everything's okay. It's gonna be okay. sort of be positive and happy. And that's how you should live your life. Like don't sweat the small things, right? Yeah. But you're only child. Yeah. Yeah. So my mom was married twice for my dad, my dad was married twice before my mom there. So they're both on their third marriage. They've been together my whole life. So I just always assumed that it was their first marriage and never thought to ask Holy cow. Yeah. When did you figure that out? So my, my mom's second husband was an alcoholic. And my, there was a period of time when my sister didn't want to have anything to do with him. And so they had to come to me and say, Listen, if this guy Jim ever calls the house asking for Stephanie. Tell him where she is. Or give him her number. The font Yeah. And then, of course, I was maybe 12 or 13, I think when that happened, or 1010 or 11. And so then, of course, I was like, What is going on with this? And then basically, they were like, Okay, so here's the deal. My, you know, I was married twice for your dad. Yeah. Yeah. Jeff. So obviously, he's gonna hand you down that trait of just being in a pleasant state. But what do you do now to keep that up? There can't You can't be in a pleasant state. 24/7 What do you do when you're down? Yeah, for sure. I I've had some good wisdom. And I mean, I'm in I was, I mean, I'm an alcoholic. So I've been 10 years sober. Congratulations, dude. That's awesome. I appreciate it. Yeah. And so I've had a lot of words of wisdom, words of advice, words of wisdom from people in AAA. And one of the best pieces of advice I ever got was when you're down or feeling shitty. Just keep going. So don't judge yourself about being upset. Yeah, yeah. Because I think it's really easy. Because, look, the I, in my opinion, the universe rewards positive good feelings. I agree. I think the hair the hair or hair, the longer the longer we're here. I think the longer we're here, the more that I've really seen that. But then the flip side of that is when you feel bad, and you're in a negative place, that you judge yourself, and you think, Oh, well, because I feel bad, the universe isn't working for me, or I'm not headed in the right direction. So I need to, I just need to feel good. So that good things can happen to me. And so you like, then you get real in a real spiral about that. And so, just getting that piece of advice is like allow me to, like, not feel good, and feel depressed and feel sad, and all those things that your works against you. Yeah, that works against you. But that also makes and I think the good thing about like, being able to look at my dad and look at myself is I go, Well, that's Look, I love my daddy, he's amazing. But to me, his thing that doesn't work for him is like he's not as connected and not okay with the negative and like, and being raw and upset and depressed and all of those things. And so, and I just think it is okay for me to feel that way. And I have that a lot. You know, it's not the exact same thing. But to kind of piggyback on that my one of the things my therapist told me, which I loved for myself, because I used to always get on myself for judging people. And she said, next time you judge, don't, don't scold yourself for judging, just recognize that you're doing it and move on. And I thought, holy shit, yeah, that's it. I really feel the same way about being down or depressed. I just, I'm okay with it. I'm fine with it. But then, of course, I try, like, I live in it. But then of course, I try to find ways to you'd like, take a vacation or do something nice for myself or call some friend. It's like, for me, it's about connection. Most of the time I feel disconnected from people when I feel down. Or I'm like, working too hard by myself. And I'm not connected, and I don't feel the love. And so that is my The thing I've recently learned is I have to reach out to people and call people on the phone and try to meet them in real life. Because it's it's it's so bizarre what has happened to the world now that like, that's not a thing anymore. Like just being able to see people it feels like that's been taken from us, you know, in a lot of ways. One thing for me is I'm huge on human connection, we just need it. We can't get by without it. But I do think that if we don't have it with our within ourselves, it's so hard to have it with somebody else. I've always said that if you can't be happy with yourself, how can you be happy with anyone else? Or how are they going to be happy with View? What do you are you happy enough with yourself? Because I know you said you reach out to people when you need it. But are you okay? If you can't reach out? Yeah, absolutely. I definitely feel. Again, it's like this. I don't know if it comes from just my parents upbringing, which I would say yes, but it also because sports was such a big part of my life. I think sports is so great for kids, because it teaches them when it's not going well, to stay in there and fight and really struggle. And then if you do that, you will ultimately find success. And then sometimes you won't. And there's lessons from that also. And so I do believe happiness comes from within. And so like going back to your original question, which was does is it real for me? Or does it say it seems potentially fake from the outside? I just think because I've had these incredible sports lessons. And that's sort of what my dad and mom distilled upon me is that I am incredibly happy almost most of the time. Jeff, you're 10 years sober. But are there still issues? Is it hard not to have a drink? I don't think about alcohol anymore. I will say it's much harder to meet girls sober than it is when you're drinking, because that's just a natural way to confidence. Confidence. Yeah. Yeah. And what about validating when you drink when you drink, it validates who you are, which I guess ultimately becomes part of that confidence. Yeah, if you can get a woman to take a drink or smoke a joint or do a line of cocaine with you, there's automatically a connection there because you're doing this sort of bad thing together. And so it's a good point. It's like, oh, I can be I, I'm obviously not straight. And Eric, like, straighten on the straight and narrow, like, you're not either. So we're doing this sort of naughty thing together. Obviously, with different different degrees of it. I mean, taking a drink smoking a joint or doing cocaine. Yeah. But it just combined, it just connects you in a way that I don't know. And obviously, alcohol puts down your defenses and then you can, you know, do whatever. Can I assume that that's ultimately just leaves you with an empty feeling at the end of the day? Being with somebody because you drank and met them and had a one night stand? Well, not the one night stand. I gotta assume a one night stand might may or may not leave you empty. But I'm saying if you're with somebody because we're just being naughty and looking at us, we're, we're drinking and doing drugs. There's nothing fulfilling at the end of the day after that. It's all you had was the naughtiness? I guess. So I do think that if you're sharing a bottle of wine or a beer, and you, you can connect and drink that way, and then I think that takes you to the second date, potentially. Okay, I think it's, I think it is harder for people that don't drink to ask why don't you drink? It seems like this easy thing to do this like social norm of just like, haven't have a cocktail have a glass of wine. And what's the problem there? Yeah. And so it really eliminates the amount of people that you can be with when you're sober in my opinion. So how far is it? Where does it lie? Now? Is it easy to not have a drink? Is it a constant battle? I've gotten the point now where I don't even think about it. Awesome. Yeah, I do. Like I always I sort of fantasize about smoking weed or doing cocaine like going to Vegas. And meeting a girl and blowing some cocaine or smoking weed. I mean, yes, drinking also. But then I just sort of allow that to be a fantasy and don't really do it. Was Was all those shenanigans. Always congruent with hooking up with a girl. Yeah, it was always a way to escape my life escape. Oh, going to the gym eating correctly going to the acting classes, like being a good boy and like doing all the things that I need to do to succeed in life. And then occasionally, it would be fun to just go you know what, fuck it all. I just need to go and get totally wasted out of my mind and see what happens and escape from my life. Damn, bro. Yeah, I'm so glad you're well past that. Yeah, I mean, I I absolutely am. Although, of course, as someone that's been sober for 10 years. I still fantasize and miss that. Because yeah, yeah. But I don't but I don't do it. No. We just want to be clear. Yeah. Just for the authorities don't come crashing down on the door. Well, good for you. It's So I, you know, we all have our I always say, I mean, I know one might not equate to the other, but it's like food, alcoholism, drugs, that's all an addiction. And you know, we've all got something. Yeah. But I'm glad you've done that man, because it's not easy. I've seen I've seen friends who are alcoholics, and it's a That's a fucking bear man. Yeah, definitely have an addictive personality. It's everything. It's, it's, I guess it's that all or nothing again, that maybe that sports attitude of if you want to be the best, you've got to be working constantly at all times. And this is something that my dad said that probably fucked me up a little bit, which was if you're not practicing, your opponent is, yes. Jesus Christ, man, like, okay, great. But then you're just constantly thinking you're not enough. Sure. And what's interesting about life is that there is a breaking point for everybody you can't just be and then you become just a fucking excuse me, you just become a robot where you're just eating chicken and broccoli, and yeah, and like, a small bit of brown rice, but then you're just empty on the inside and a miserable human being, you might look good on the outside for a minute. But then. So there just has to be, there just has to be a balance. And that really is one of the harder things to achieve in life, I think. And that's my struggle now is is like finding the balance of life. And sometimes you just need to get some chicken nuggets in there to balance it all out. Yeah. Well, good man. Glad. And, you know, I think I want to ask you another question that lends itself to that is, I know, you said you feel good, but it's a constant struggle. So are you happy today? Or are you striving to be happy today? incredibly happy? Yeah. I mean, really, I'm like, incredibly happy in my life. It's like, for the first time, when I've been in Los Angeles for 20 years, I had this dream of sort of being an actor for a really long time. And it just wasn't really happening at all. And now for the very first time, I'm starting to get, like some actual career momentum. And it feels incredibly powerful and strong and good. It gives me so much self worth that I struggled for such a long time and worked really hard at this thing. And now I can finally start to see it sort of pay off a little bit. Which Switching gears, I want to talk about that, because that has been amazing. You and I have talked at length about how I personally don't think people can if you don't, you have to have a modicum of acting genes in you, if you will. Yeah, to be a good actor. I don't think you can learn to act. And you've proven that you can get well, you know, because I didn't think you were a great actor when I first met you. And now it's like, holy shit, I see the work you do. And it's really good. Really good. And you are getting work from it now. And, and I would, I would say one thing, even though we're leaving the alcoholic part of the conversation, I would say, because you've overcame your alcoholism, it only helped you grow as a not only just a person, but as an actor. And that's part of what you're why you're getting these new jobs. It's all kind of tied in. Honestly, the alcoholism like I had, I always had really good taste about acting and filmmaking and movies and TV show I think I did. And that's sort of what drew me to become an actor and moved to LA. But deep down, I knew that I was not good. And so I think because I knew that I wasn't good. I would hide out and drink because it was just easier for me to escape and not show anybody that I wasn't good. Why would you continue to pursue acting if you had to drink to get past it. And if you weren't getting jobs there was something in me that just believed that I could do it that if I worked hard enough again like it's probably goes back to my dad and just the way that I was raised is that if you want anything in life, you ultimately can work hard enough and and achieve it and I just always had this deep belief in myself that I could do it if I just continued to work at it. And there were of course there were times I bunch of them were I thought about quitting and then I could not get I could not get good enough at this craft and skill and but yeah, I just I I just truly like kept working. And I got to my breaking point where I was like, Alright, I fucking can't do this anymore. Like you were ready to leave yesterday? Yeah, absolutely. And I basically, I had a conversation with my friend Christian and this woman, Audrey Moore. And basically told her I was like, I'm just in my breaking point. And so she gave me this, this career advice basically about trying to figure out like his, I mean, I'll tell you this, like, I basically have always been a semi handsome, semi funny white guy. And so it's funny right there as with like, with a bit of charisma and like overconfidence in myself. Yeah. Because I again, I was raised with a great parents. And so and that got me pretty far, I guess, commercially, like, I could work in commercials and get cast and short films, because I would go into the audition and just act like I was really good. Because even though I wasn't. But then I but when you start to actually try to get real work, you finally get up, you bump up against this wall. It's like, well, now you're actually not good. And yeah, but then somehow in that you got a job doing what I do, which is insane. Because I was running sessions and and then one day, I look over and and you're running sessions at one of the doors. Yeah. I'm like, wait a minute, this guy doesn't know how to act. Now. He's going to teach people how to act. And but then, you know, from what I understood from watching, it was like, Oh, shit, look, he's doing it. I think, just for your mind, and I always kind of wanted to answer this question for you how you thought about that? And I think the answer was, there was just different levels of ability of session directing. So there were people like Mike, Michael Fontaine, you just people that had been doing it a long time that knew the craft and knew acting, and were able to direct people during sessions. That's also one way of doing it. There's also another way of people coming in that were like, there wasn't non union at the time. But like, a less like an up and coming director or a session, that didn't mean as much. And so they would hire this casting director. And I would run those sessions where it was like less dialogue, or it just wasn't as important. I gotcha. And so then I could run those and like, get slightly better from just doing it over and over again, and being in the room for 10,000 hours, 15 years. And then you finally get to a point where you're you get to a level where you were like I met your level now Oh, Jesus Christ. I think like net, but now like 15 years later, yeah, you're still doing it. I actually was able to stop this year because of my own self taping business. Oh, yeah. So basically, I took all the things that I learned from being in 15 years of like, for three to four days a week running commercial sessions. And because of the pandemic, I basically set up my own studio at my house. And now because everything's, of course, self tapes, that I just now record people in my house. So even though it was the pandemic, people were still coming to you. Yeah, so I think what happened my own journey with it was I would put myself on tape for things. And there weren't a lot of auditions early on, obviously. But the ones that I would do if it was in the room, I felt pretty confident that I would at least get a callback or be in the conversation and for about 12 to 15 auditions, I nothing happened. And so I ran a session with three actors we sent out which we sent out 50 self tapes. Three of those actors sent in tapes with like, the paper backdrop, three point lighting, microphone, and, and camera. And then when I saw that, I was like, what is that? Like? I need that? Because, yeah, it just provided a sense of professionalism, for sure. And so people weren't watching the couches, and the dogs and all the other stuff. They were actually watching the acting. And so I set that up for myself in my house, and then I started having success. And so then I think because of social media, people started realizing that and people would call me and they were say, Hey, I know your session director. I'm having zero luck with my own self tapes. Can I come over and then they would come over and they would see my setup and they were like, What is this you're a freak and and then we I would do it, we'd send it off. They would have some success and then agents and managers were seeing their their self tapes. And so agents and managers started saying who did that self tape? Sure. And then they would they started sending me pee Pull. And then I just basically was like, Oh, I have a business here, essentially, what's, you have a website? Or how do people contact you? Yeah, it's called it's self tapes here at self tapes here on Instagram. And yeah, that's where people basically find me and come over and do self tapes. You have a page on only fans? Yeah, I've only fans as well. It's at self tapes here. And I get shirtless in direct sessions. Awesome. That's brilliant. I might actually join. Well, that's great. Dude, what an outlet. Especially creatively, you know, it's not just a job. It's a creative job. It's, it is so true that you have to like I heard this a long time ago in an acting class. I think this is a little much. But there is some truth to it, which is a classic pianist can take one day off from practice. And they'll they will notice the difference. And then if they take two days off from practicing, the critics will know the difference. Yeah. And so, and I've lived, this is weird, but I live next to in a duplex next door to a couple that played in the New York and LA symphony, he played Weinland, she played that bright bass. And they never missed a day of practice. And so by me getting to do those self tapes for people every single day, it's of course made me a better actor as well, because even if I'm not going in front of the camera, I'm behind the camera, and I'm still very connected to it. And so it just made me a way better actor getting to direct people watch people put myself on tape so many times and just see the differences between dude, it's everything. It's everything. One of the things I know you'll agree with me now, because I know you've been doing this forever, the session directing, and I do give you some as much power as I as I do, because you like to joke about it. But yes, I do think you're good. But you told me earlier, you were doing a self tape for a very popular actor. And they were head over heels about your talent. So that's just there's nothing there's nothing like that kind of feedback from somebody that you respect. Yeah, it's so true. And like we we've talked before also about great at great actors are just so loose with it as well. And that was the other thing that I think like really took took my own performance to the next level is against like, the thing you talk about with me all the time. And this seems simple for you. But for me, this was like the thing that really like, changed my life. I think in my acting is of course, there is no camera. So guys on set, I mean, I have been very lucky. I'll name drop a little bit, I got to work with Bob Odenkirk. And I got to work with Giovanni Ribisi Reese recently. And they're, there's just like a looseness to them with their human movements. They touch their face, they touch their bellies, they move their pants. They they like there's just like it's not controlled. They're just not worried about it. Like the more they can look like a human for sure, the better. And now that's all I can watch. Now in scenes these days, we're always like focusing on different parts of acting and things that we're noticing about people and now that's the only thing that I could watch now is how much does it really look like a human on there and not somebody that's memorized their words and it just stared. Just let there's two things for me. Sorry, I know I just interrupted you. Finish. You finish your thought. Yeah. There's two things I always get to is number one is like that moment that you stink. Oh, right here, all you know, I'm gonna make I'm gonna move my pinkie in this direction. And it's like, well, you're already fucked up because you're no longer in the moment. And then the other thing I hate, which has nothing to do with what we just talked about, no, it has actually everything. I hate. You watch. Now you're gonna see it. Every time you watch a movie or TV is an actor will say a line, whatever happens, whatever. Their hands will go into their pocket. And it's guys, of course, because women don't have pockets most of the time. And I'm just like, Dude, you just got upset because she slept with your brother, your brother. And now you put your hands in your pockets. How's that possible? Yeah. It's that it's that it's like you like you talk about it's that thing of knowing you're on camera. Yeah. And it's that model stance, or it's that thing of, it's like a it's like a male instinct of needing to take. I think it's a I think they're I think elements of what you're saying are correct. But I also think it's just like, I'm insecure with my hands and I don't know what to do. Yeah, yeah, totally, totally. Because my mind isn't living in the moment. So my hands aren't living in the moment. Right? Absolutely. I would love to know, because we talked about this a second ago or earlier when we first started talking. But I'm on a new track, Jeff. And I'm not asking for a pat on the back. But I don't know if you can see the difference in me. But I know there's a difference in me from where I was when I spoke to you many years ago, about happiness. And I am in a much better place. And but I'm constantly evolving, which is why I'm doing this podcast, I just want to, it's just another outlet for me to figure out because I don't know shit, quite honestly, I know what I know. And that's limited. And so this is just another way for me to find out, well, how does this person do it? So tell me more about not just not even about alcoholism, but just you? What makes you happy? What happens? What do you do when you're not happy? How do you overcome that? And so I'm gonna, I'm gonna talk right now in that, and I'll get into that, that answer that question. So I think in life, when we want to make a change, we have to have a thought and awareness about it. So there's potentially a world when you were at 200, south, and we first met and you knew each other that you did not know that you were in a and I'm gonna say this, because this is what you classify that is like a negative, down depressed sort of state that you're in. Is that right? I don't think I recognize that. But I can appreciate what you're saying. Well, so you like but if somebody that wasn't like that wouldn't be trying to find happiness? That's a great, great point. Right? Yeah. So I'm saying if you were there, and you had negative thoughts, or you were down or negative, so there is a world where you, you just thought you were in the right, and you just continued to live your life. And so, yeah, that's true. But you have to have a thought you have to go, Okay, I want to make a change. So you have to have a thought, and then you have to become aware of it. And I think that's probably how change happens in your life is you go, Okay, this isn't working, I have a thought about it. That's not working, then I am like constantly thinking about making a change. And then you have to start taking action and do things to create that change. Now, how long you have to continue to take the action is an undetermined amount of time. Sometimes people get it right away. Usually it takes people years to get to it. And that's what it sounds like for you is like it's been this journey for a while now. Of like, trying to understand what happiness is. And how do you get it? Is that right? Yeah, I think you're right, because it's like, you know, you have these layers of foundation of negativity. And there's old life, that happiness has a lot of barriers to break through in your, in your personality. What have you. So you had an awareness that you were not feeling great? Or you were at least asking me about my happiness and other people that were coming in to your world about happiness? Yeah. How do you think you eventually got to and I agree with you, you are in a much calmer, happier state than you used to be good to hear. How did that happen? There are two points that made you made me think of, because you're absolutely right, that does take something to make you want to make that switch I had to you and anybody who knew me will remember when I burned my feet. So I was off my feet for almost a year. And in that time of just laying on your couch, you got nothing to do, but sit and think about your life. And I remember at that time, I was just like I want, I'm unhappy while I'm on I don't want to be unhappy. And so at that point, I started because I was on my phone all day, and I would read memes. Those silly Supt means that I used to make fun of people for posting. And now here I was reading with these things that just made you feel better. And so I started doing that. So that was the first one and the second one was ultimately with you know about but when I became homeless, I had these disabilities that came over me that precluded me from being able to work and all these other what we would consider normal things. And I was like, fuck, my life is done. I got I'm not normal, this is socks. And I became very suicidal and and so I delved more into these memes again and some other items. But yes, it was that it was the both those well, I'll call tragic moments for sure. Or it's just like the first one with the feet and I was grounded. And then the second one with a disability which turned my world upside down. And both those things made me realize that I can either continue to be even more angry because my life sucks. Or I can choose to do something about it. And there's people that come into my mind that you know, some of our mutual friends and yourself that I would think, Okay, this person's always happy. And we've had conversations about it. But yeah, it's sorry, I know, I'm being long winded here. But what the point of it is, it took two separate moments to make me go, yeah. I don't want to be what I considered normal. I don't really, like you said, I don't want to be right anymore. Let me figure out what the other people are doing. Do you think it's, it sounds like a little bit of gratitude in there. And that's cliche to say, but I do find that gratitude really is a thing. Also back to the alcohol, it isn't a thing really is gratitude really can, if we're just grateful for what we have. It really puts us at an enemies because it's so easy, it's so easy to get caught up. And that's the thing about human condition, I think that's so difficult, is that you have to be grateful and happy for where you currently are what you have. Because you're sick, you of course, your situation could be much worse. But yet, as the heat, the human brain also has a striving to do more and for wanting more. So it's like how do I enjoy myself and live in my gratitude, but also be striving for more? And that's, that, for me is the hardest thing to combat in life. I like it, though, because in my opinion, you got to have the gratitude first. Yes. And once you're grateful, then you could proceed to find out okay, what are we doing next? Because I'm all about the gratitude. And for me, you know, people always thought everybody has their own notion of what's the key to happiness. And for me, the key to happiness is just living in the moment. Like I always say, like, right now, I'm sitting here talking to Jeff bright, and there's nothing else. I'm not thinking about the the toast I burnt this morning, or under the fact that, you know, my cousin is not coming out this weekend, whatever they are. Right now. I'm with Jeff. And that's an it's awesome. I think that really is you just hear it over and over again. But I think that is all we have truly and that that will allow you to be in happiness is if you can just be here right now. And I people ask me this a lot of times about crying, enacting, okay, and I used to think it was like such a chore thing you had to work yourself up to. And now I just honestly, if I just think about how special and lucky I am to be in this moment stamp, like really like on this bed. Like with you having this conversation that is enough to like, make me cry. For sure. I love to hear that. And not on a selfish level. But on a level because I feel the same way. The littlest thing I can watch a commercial and cry because it's so touching. I know that seems a little trite. But but it's true. And things touch me now man, it's so it's so powerful, really. I mean, when you really calculate or think about the odds of us getting to be together on this planet at this moment in time. It made it really like it really continue spinning and crazy. And so now I just sort of go, wow, how lucky I am to have to be in this moment and have this moment. And because like again, it's like this is the this is the youngest I will ever be and this is the oldest that I have ever been. And so I just thought about right now. What now I'm this is the youngest that I'll ever be and the oldest that I ever. Okay, okay, yeah, what about now right now. And so I just have to, like, Be okay with with whatever's happened. And it is, again, that positive thing. Again, like what we started with is I just have to sort of know that I'm on the right path and I'm being I'm being taken care of, for better or for worse. And maybe that's just that blind optimism, blind optimism that I was raised with, but it just allows me to enjoy myself and enjoy the time that I'm here in this moment. I love it. Dude. You've been awesome to have an I know you're definitely coming back. I would love it. Andrew, take us out with you all right, you guys. Thanks for coming out. That was awesome. We're gonna be back in a couple of weeks. So hopefully you'll join us then. And if you feel so inclined, please leave a positive review on any of your favorite platforms. And if you didn't Like us, of course, this is Xavier McGillicuddy signing out for today. It's Michael Vieyra You knucklehead See you later