How Egg Donation Sperm Donation And Surrogacy Work For Australians a deep conversation with Ella McNamara

We talk with fertility consultant Ella McNamara about why Australians turn to egg donation, sperm donation, and surrogacy and how to weigh local versus overseas options. We focus on practical realities like laws, costs, ethics, and choosing reputable providers so you can move forward with clarity instead of panic.

• the three essentials needed to create a baby and why one missing piece changes the plan
• common reasons people choose donor eggs donor sperm or surrogacy including recurrent IVF failure and genetic risk
• what donation and surrogacy can look like in Australia and why availability is limited
• why intended parents go overseas including donor matching needs and bigger egg donor programs
• key selection factors for overseas destinations including Australian legal advice eligibility rules and embryo transport limits
• budget timeline and ethics as the guardrails for choosing a path
• how to assess reputable clinics and agencies including safety proven success and real support
• the mindset shift of pausing to name the problem before spending the budget

One missing piece can change everything. If you have been through IVF cycles, losses, or a diagnosis that makes you feel hopeless and helpless, you have probably already learned the hardest truth: wanting a baby is not the same as knowing the right path to get there. We sit down with fertility consultant Ella McNamara, founder of Fertility and Family, to talk plainly about egg donation, sperm donation, and surrogacy for Australians and how people decide what comes next when the usual steps are not working.

We break fertility down to the essentials: healthy sperm, healthy eggs, and a uterus. From there, we map the real-world reasons people turn to donor conception and surrogacy including genetic conditions, egg quality issues, sperm quality issues, recurrent IVF failure, being born without a uterus, and the practical realities for same-sex couples and single parents. We also talk about what is available in Australia, why donor and surrogate availability can be limited, and how state-by-state rules can make an already emotional process feel even more complicated.

If you are considering international IVF, overseas egg donation, or overseas surrogacy, Ella shares the big decision points to get right before you commit: local legal advice, eligibility rules in different countries, whether you can transport embryos, budget and timelines, and the ethics of each market. We also get into how to choose reputable providers when you do not yet know what questions to ask, what “safe” truly means for everyone involved, and why moving quickly only works when you are moving meaningfully.

Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find a clear path forward.

To contact Ella McNamara;

email; ella@fertandfam.co

Website; http://www.fertandfam.co

Facebook; (20+) Facebook (fertandfam)

 Instagram; Instagram (fertandfam)

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Welcome to the Home of Fertility, a space for real conversations and expert insights about fertility, healing, and creating family. I'm Liz Walton.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

And I'm Helen Z. We are two mums who've walked this path and are passionate about supporting you on your journey. Emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

We talk about it all. Fertility treatments, holistic support, relationships, mindset, and the emotional highs and lows.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Because sometimes the missing piece lies in someone else's story, in the quiet wisdom of the body, or in a breakthrough that's finally made for you.

SPEAKER_01 0:49

We are so glad you are here. Let's dive in.

Meet Ella And Her IVF Story

SPEAKER_02 0:58

So hello, beautiful beings out there, and welcome to another beautiful podcast of the Home of Fertility, where I get to share the most amazing things that are out there to support you on your journey of life and health. And that may include that wonderful fertility journey that is full of all the ups and downs. Now, today I've got a lovely lady called Ella McNamara from Fertility and Family. How are you today, Ella?

SPEAKER_03 1:25

I'm so well. Thanks for having me, Liz.

Why People Need Donors Or Surrogacy

SPEAKER_02 1:28

Oh my goodness. Thank you for taking the time out of your extremely busy time. Now, Ella has, oh, she's full of lots of yummy goodness. So let me share what Ella does, and then we can get into our chat. So Ella McNamara is a founder and director of Fertility at Family, a fertility consulting and concierge service dedicated to helping Australian intended parents understand all of this, you know, everything that's about within this international IVF surrogacy, egg and sperm donation options, connect with them, and experience clinics and agencies so that they can help them reach out to their parenthood goals. Ella has started her career in event management, marketing, working with everyone from local business to biometrics institute, even the Chinese government. Wow. She's transitioned those skills across to the pharmaceutical industry, spent 10 years in business, developing marketing roles, including a year in the fertility division of a major pharmaceutical company. Wow, that sounds awesome. At this time, Ella, by chance and unexpectedly, discovered that at 31, she at 31 years of age, she had the fertility of a 47-year-old woman. But luckily, through the wonder of IVF, she is now the mother of two boys. Awesome. I love that. Now, despite her IVF success, the feelings and all the feelings that come with it, which is hopelessness and helplessness, she experienced on receiving her infertility diagnosis has never left her. And she entered the fertility industry to help solutions to for people experiencing the same feelings after their infertility diagnosis. Yeah, awesome. I totally get that. Ella has spent two years working for not-for-profit organizations, producing international events for intended parents to be, looking to understand how surrogacy options, and then worked for US clinics for five years, helping international patients connect with the clinic and agencies to fulfill their parenting dreams. And now for the last six years, Ella has worked as a consultant, helping intended parents build their families and navigate additional challenges involved in building a family in a foreign country. Wow, Ella, you have done some amazing work and turned this into really supporting other people. On that sort of egg donation, sperm donation. So tell me, what are some of the key reasons Australians would turn to egg and sperm donations and surrogacy? Yeah, what happens there?

SPEAKER_03 4:04

Sure, look, I think at the most, you know, fundamentals of fertility, that there are three things, three essential ingredients we need when we're creating a baby. One is is healthy sperm, uh, one is healthy eggs, and the other is uh a person with a uterus to help carry that baby. Um, you know, and and um many of the the individuals and couples that we work with um don't have one of those options. So whether it is a um, you know, uh a gay couple um who have plenty of sperm but no eggs, their um, you know, to their path to parenthood um would involve using an egg donor. Um similarly, people who have um been through recurrent IVF failures, it may be due to egg quality or sperm quality issues, and that's when we're looking to you know um substitute in um donor gametes. Um they may be carriers of genetic conditions that are preventing them from being um, you know, successful, and that's a better route for them. Um, and then you know, we've got those who, again, our gay guys um don't have a lot of uteruses. Um, you know, that's uh something that they need need help with. And we also, of course, have a lot of patients who um have had either recurrent failure, um, have been born without a uterus or through some sort of misadventure or disease or um have have lost their uterus. Um and the I guess the the message is is that there are many people in the world who are able to help and put this together so that those having your own family um with that that assistance is possible.

What Australia Allows And Limits

SPEAKER_02 5:45

Yeah, because the path to parenthood is so varied now. And what's so beautiful is no matter who you are, you know, and all of our different areas and loves and passions that, you know, when we have that, it's so possible, but there are many different um paths. So it's good that you understand this path and then can support people to find those um areas that are correct for them to have that right decision. So um in Australia, what what are the options that are available?

SPEAKER_03 6:15

Yeah, so certainly in Australia we have options. If we talk about um egg and sperm donation first, um there's a couple of things in Australia. Uh look, I give if we look at both issues, um, it being donation and surrogacy. Um we have uh basically in Australia, you can't be paid to be an egg sperm or donor or a surrogate. Um so you know, there are a lot of generous people who are willing and able to act as those things, but um, there's certainly not as many people popping up their hand to contribute their the genetic material or um their their life for nine months to carry a baby as there are people who need help in building their families. So, you know, that is um, you know, one of, you know, that sort of is is one of the key limitations in Australia. So, you know, there are um, you know, each um IVF clinic in Australia tends to run a program um where people who are willing can approach them and be a donor. Uh they also tend to have arrangements with overseas egg and sperm banks um to bring um eggs and sperm from overseas countries to Australia that can then be used in IVF processes here. Um and then the other way that um people access donors is if they have a friend or family member um who is willing and suitable um to be a donor. Um and then, of course, you've got your online forums for people looking for donors. So there are, of course, people who meet who've never met before, um, who are able to connect and and make a decision to be a donor for someone. So those are all the sort of options there are in Australia um uh for a donor and and surrogacy um you know very much is even more limited. Uh there is um, again, uh not as many surrogates um, you know, who are willing to be surrogates, so then there are people needing them. The vast majority of people who um, you know, find a surrogate, um, find it as a family, an existing family member or friend. Um, and a very small proportion, about 20% of Australians who who go through surrogacy meet in an online forum or as you know, as someone who was previously unknown to them. So, you know, there there are some challenges um in Australia, certainly with, you know, our system. Um, we have a patchwork of laws from state to state, which makes it complicated to know what you can do in your state, especially if you find a surrogate who's in another state. Um, and there is a lot of work being done at the moment. The Australian Law Reform Commission is um is going through an inquiry and asking a lot of questions about what we could do um to make our own domestic system um easier to navigate better for surrogates and intended parents, um, and and basically to have you know more availability of those um, you know, those options here in Australia.

SPEAKER_02 9:17

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I I feel like it's you know the world is learning as we go ahead, was as more of these options come. I know some of my clients, you know, they've um had family members, which has been wonderful, to donate eggs as well as sperm. And um, then it's then the emotional journey of I've tried everything, now I need to look at this. So it's been really interesting because I've been learning so much about, you know, what are all of the options. And I for me, finding someone like you where I can say, um, I'd like you to go and see Ella because she's got all of the answers to create, you know, decisions and the right choices is is is awesome. So I just think it's, you know, what what a wonderful area for you to have understanding and personal understanding with. So, what would be some of the reasons why someone in Australia would go overseas for either for donor or for surrogacy?

SPEAKER_03 10:15

Sure. Look, I think there are a few reasons why people go choose to go overseas. Um the first one, as I mentioned, is the the sort of the lack of availability of um suitable donors um in Australia. Um and when I say suitable donors, again, I'm not throwing shade at any of the donors that are available, but you know, obviously there are um, you know, uh patients who um may be of a certain ethnicity and would like um you know their child to carry that ethnicity. Uh they may be carriers of genetic conditions and have a very hard time finding um, you know, a suitable donor in the limited number that are available in Australia. Um and then, you know, uh a number of the programs um that the clinics in Australia have are importing um frozen eggs. Um and that process can be quite expensive for the number of eggs you get. And when we have things like um two dad families where both dads would like to be biological parents, um, and we need a larger number of eggs, um, some of the overseas programs really do have um a lot more um capability um to do a you know cycle with uh younger donors who are producing more good quality eggs and result in um you know creating enough embryos uh for both dads to become dads in due course. Um same thing with surrogacy, it's illegal to pay surrogates in Australia, there's not that many of them. And so, you know, many people um look abroad to find um, you know, a surrogate. And as I mentioned, most people um who match in Australia match with a friend or family member. And if you aren't from here, all of your friends are, you know, uh too old or too young and going through their own pregnancies and things like that, it may just not align that you can find somebody who is, you know, in in a suitable phase of their life to be able to offer you um that sort of, you know, amazing gift. So those are probably the key things. Um, the other things that come up um on occasion is um uh there's just some differences in the IVF in in other parts of the world, like particularly places like the United States, um, and sort of different rules about what's allowed. So one of the ones that comes up is people looking for gender selection or family balancing. Um when embryos are tested in in the US, you have access to that information um for non-medical purposes, which is allowed here in Australia. So, you know, for some people that's really important. Um, some people have had um losses or have had challenges, um, and that becomes very important to them. Uh, so those are a couple of extra things that, you know, happen overseas that that that aren't possible here in Australia.

SPEAKER_02 13:09

Yeah, and look, it's it's it is such a learning space, and what Australia has is very different, I know, from the UK and Europe, and of course, the states. So it's good to have that awareness. And so, what would be some of the other key considerations that if you are Australian, um, that we should um be thinking about when selecting overseas destinations?

Choosing Countries Laws Budget Ethics

SPEAKER_03 13:33

Sure. So I think it's um it's really important to know that outside of Australia, there are a number of countries that offer surrogacy programs for and and egg donor programs um for Australians or for international intended parents that you can choose to engage in. Um, I think, look, the number one thing that you need to understand is that in Australia, um, each state has different laws about um uh where you can engage in surrogacy and if you can pay a surrogate. So there are certain states where it will be a criminal offense if you go overseas and pay a surrogate in that country. Now, it's something that no one's ever been prosecuted for, and a law that in the Law Reform Commission is one that's you know, people are really talking about that it is it's never been enforced, and what's the point in having it other than to scare people? Um but but it does exist. Um so my number one piece of advice is to get local legal advice before you choose to go to any destination. Um, and then there's a couple of things that will really determine um, you know, where in the world you can go. Um, the first is um that each country will have criteria for who they allow to participate. So there are some countries that won't allow um single individuals or same-sex um couples. So there'll be some um, you know, that will make you um prove that you're in either a marriage or a long-term heterosexual relationship before you'll be able to um work with one of those programs. Um so that's that's probably the first thing. Um the the second thing um is going to be um what sort of services you're looking for. So have you created embryos already in Australia and you're looking to transport them to another country? Um, that's going to be a consideration. Different countries will have different requirements and different um clinics and labs will have different requirements if that's something that you wish to do. Um, and there are some countries that just will not be able to accept existing embryos. Um, some other key considerations. Um, unfortunately, surrogacy is a very expensive prospect anywhere in the world, including here in Australia. Um, so one of the things that um will also help kind of, I guess, dictate um where you go is your budget and your timeline, what you'd like to do, what you'd like to achieve, and what resources you have to achieve that. Um, and then the other thing is to consider um is your ethics and your um and your level of comfort in dealing with a different culture. So, you know, I have a lot of clients who go to the US because they have, you know, a well-developed market there. Sarrogacy, uh, surrogate babies have been um being born in America for 30 years and returning to all corners of the earth since that time. Uh, again, state-based laws, but they have good laws. They have a very predictable process um with obviously human elements thrown in just to keep us on our toes. Um, but you know, that's a that's a very safe option. It's one where you can speak to your surrogate. Um, you're very aware, she's very well screened to make sure that she's uh physically, emotionally, and financially prepared to go into one of these journeys. Um and and so, you know, that's a very predictable market. There are other markets that are significantly cheaper that are developing that may not have laws in place, but may have a lot of case law to support what um is occurring and and and how an industry has sort of um evolved and become quite common practice. And then there are other countries where, you know, if we talk about some of the Eastern European countries where we are finding sometimes, and unfortunately, women from places like the Ukraine are fleeing to Georgia, signing an agreement to be a surrogate and essentially being trapped in that country until they deliver the baby, which is not ideal for that woman, is not ideal for you. And we don't want anyone feeling trapped in this process. So there are some things that we have to navigate. Um, and each individual person will have their own set of criteria. And when you know, I work with a client, it's really to establish what it is at the core of what they need, how they would like to do it, what they can afford, and finding the best, most experienced, most ethical, um, and reliable uh providers to help them reach their goals.

SPEAKER_00 18:21

Yeah. Wow, that's huge.

Picking Reputable Clinics And Agencies

SPEAKER_02 18:25

So much. That's huge. And, you know, I think I'll just read that back from some of the notes I'm taking about, you know, if you're on this journey, really look for your, you know, your local advice, get good local and legal advice, you know, check the laws for each country because there's lots of different programs, and be aware of the services that you're looking for. Um and uh if you're going overseas, be aware what transportation needs you may have for um, you know, eggs or sperm, your needs, because that can change a lot of the requirements. And if you do do surrogacy, just you know, be aware of the expensive nature that that may bring. And so be aware of your budget um and your resources. And uh, yeah, consider your ethics and comfort. I thought that's a really good top tip: your ethics and your comfort. You know, it's good to hear that US has good laws. I suppose it's been happening for quite some while. And um, you have the opportunity to speak to your Garrett, your surrogate, um, and have a relationship, and it's really good and predictable. That's awesome. And there's other markets that are cheaper, but it's still developing. So you may not have that opportunity. So be aware, be aware. And um, yeah, what are your core needs, your budget, and what is ethical and reliable for you? And what I love is you know this. So um, this is a great person where you know you can really advise them on all of this. Awesome, awesome. So, how does someone choose those reputable providers um in overseas markets?

SPEAKER_03 20:06

Uh so this is incredibly difficult because again, um, you know, uh you're working with people. I mean, surrogacy or egg donation is not exactly like um other major life purchases. So choosing to go on that journey. So they're very expensive processes, and we don't necessarily always know what we're looking for. So if I'm buying a house, I know that I'm looking for four bedrooms, two bathrooms, you know, and you know, and and I I've got an idea of what I what I need.

SPEAKER_00 20:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:42

When it comes to these sort of fertility issues, unfortunately, the person who's providing you with the education, um, if you if you know, contact a surrogacy agency or a clinic, the salesperson there is educating you as you go. So it's often hard to find the line between what is educating me on what I need to know and what is aligning, realigning my needs with their need to sell me their their clinical agency. So it's really hard. So, you know, we talk about even in US surrogacy where we speak the same language as the Americans, but only just, we talk about there are things that if I was starting off in this process, I wouldn't know. Like they have something called escrow accounts. And at the beginning of your journey, you put most of the money, most of the expected cost for your journey into an escrow account, and that money is, you know, is is divvied out to the surrogate um in line with the contract. We don't know what those are in Australia. So if I was starting from scratch, I wouldn't even know to ask the agency does is money for your escrow held in an independent third party account? Um, so it's really hard. So, you know, in terms of what to look look for, um You know, you are often building your knowledge of your your decision-making criteria as you go, and that's quite difficult. Um, I have obviously I've been doing this for about 11 years, and we've been studying um what is best practice. There are some guidelines that we have in the US, there is a body called SEEDS, which is the Society for Ethics and Egg Donation and Surrogacy that sets out some uh requirements uh for businesses that are operating in this space, so a self-regulation space. Um, so there are some resources that you can get to. Um, otherwise, um, you can rely on a consultant who's local to you who can help you um to identify what it is exactly you need, and then look um to connect you with providers that we've already vetted. So, you know, we've looked for um for whether, and the main things that we're always looking for when we're vetting um clinics agencies or or or anyone that we will work with is their number one priority has to be is this safe? And by that we mean safe for the intended parents, safe for the surrogate, safe physically, emotionally, um, and financially. So are they doing things correctly to protect everyone in the process? This also extends for any children born by surrogacy. You know, are things being done ethically so that that child's story is one of no one was harmed in this process, um, everyone we considered the welfare of everyone, including you, um, in this process. Um, the second thing we look for is are they successful? So, not just do they think they can do this, but have they demonstrated that they are really good at doing this? Um, so you know, we're looking for people who have had a lot of experience. So agencies that have been around for a long time and can't just manage things when things are going right, but actually have experience when things go wrong of being able to write the ship and get things back on track. Um, and then the last thing that we're looking for is what service and resources they have that will make your journey um comfortable, supported, and again, as affordable as it can be, um, depending on what your your requests are.

SPEAKER_02 24:27

Wow. Yeah, those are some really good top tips and you know, being aware, because it's it's like you say, you don't know what you don't know, but you know, I want to go and find a way of you know becoming a parent. So how how do I know? So those are really good top tips. And it is building knowledge. Um, and it's great to know that you know providers are vetted. And um, I think if this is your journey, if you're listening and this is your journey, um, please do reach out to Ella because um she has such a wide, vast knowledge of understanding. So, with that, Ella, how can people find you?

SPEAKER_03 25:04

So, probably the easiest way to find us is on our website, which is uh www.fert and fam, so fertility and family, but short. Um so furtandfam.co um is the best place to reach us. Um on our on the front page of our website and every page of our website um is is a link for a free consultation. So we're always happy to talk to you um and really help you sort of nut out what it exactly it is you need and give you an overview of sort of what what are your options within the world and sort of start to help you narrow down what works for you. Um and then we will continue to work with you to help you find um those providers. So that's number one way. Um you can also hit us through uh Instagram or Facebook, um both FET and FAM to follow our pages. Um and we will have a whole bunch of new educational materials going up very soon uh to give you some you know general tips about um things to consider when you're embarking on this sort of journey.

Final Tip And Closing

SPEAKER_02 26:13

Awesome. Awesome. I love that. And I know I'll make sure I put it in all the show notes so that people can find all this information. And please do send me that information about seeds. So I can I'll add that to the show notes too. And so as we finish off this um wonderful conversation, what can be a top tip or something that you can share that we can leave with for people where this needs to be their choice? You know, is it egg sperm, is it donor sperm? Um, sorry, is it egg or donor, freezing or sperm, or surrogacy? What would be a top tip? I know probably one is a silly thing to ask, or what would what would be best to leave with that would be helpful?

SPEAKER_03 26:58

I think probably the the number one tip I'd have for anyone um who is going through um this process is you can't solve a problem until you understand fully what it is. So I think that this is the one thing um, you know, as a woman who went through um infertility myself, um and usually by the time people have have come to me, they they've they've been through a lot and they want to go now. They want to be be quick. And I think that, you know, I I really want people to be able to move quickly through the steps, but I want them to move meaningfully through the steps. So, you know, it's really about having those conversations. Is surrogacy the answer? Is egg donation exactly what you need? Um, what are you looking for in terms of an egg donor or and what is your budget? Once you understand both your problem and your reality, um, then you know, once you have that and create that plan, then you can move forward in the most meaningful way. What I hate seeing is people try a bit of this, try a bit of that, and run down their budget until they come devastated because they've tried so many little things and have exhausted their budget and are left with choices that don't, you know, don't bring them joy. So pause, breathe, work out what your problem is, work out the reality of your resources, and then um move forward um with those those guardrails in place.

SPEAKER_02 28:34

Yeah, I like that, but there's guardrails in place. Absolutely. And how's the best way to move forward in a meaningful way? That is beautiful. Anna, thank you today for your depth of understanding and your depth of really getting such a wide cross of the parenthood journey when it can feel hopeless and helpless, and um that it is possible. There is so many possibilities. So thank you for that. I'll make sure we've got all the information. And if this is you, please do reach out to Ella because I feel that she can help you and she understands this journey. So thank you so much for today, my lovely.

SPEAKER_03 29:13

Not a problem. Thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_02 29:15

All right, well, you take care, and with that, sending lots of love to everybody out there and knowing that there's always a path forward. And as Ella said, stop, breathe, and um.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

Thanks for joining us at the Homer Fertility. We hope today's episode brought you clarity, comfort, and connection.

SPEAKER_01 29:40

If this podcast resonated, please share it, leave a review or subscribe. This helps us support more people that are on this path.

SPEAKER_00 29:50

And if you'd like to connect or share your story, find us on Instagram and Facebook at Australian Fertility Summit.

SPEAKER_01 29:58

Remember, the missing piece might be waiting in a story, your body's wisdom, or something new just made for you. Take care.