How Self-Love Replaces Diet Culture During Fertility Struggles deep discussion with Marleen Mour

We sit down with Marleen Mour to redefine self-love as the way we stay with ourselves through disappointment, stress, and negative tests, not a feel-good phrase. We connect that mindset to fertility, emotional eating, and sustainable weight loss that supports the body without diet punishment.
• Self-love as staying present with ourselves when things go wrong
• Checking self-talk by asking whether it sounds loving or abusive
• Why TTC stress can trigger emotional eating and self-sabotage
• The difference between weight loss for health and dieting through restriction
• How self-judgment, cortisol, and shame can worsen the internal environment
• Marlene’s story of losing 49 kilos and maintaining it for 13 years
• The “mirror moment” that ends self-loathing and starts real healing
• Building trust with cravings and focusing on nourishment over rules
• Epigenetic testing as a personalized blueprint for food and lifestyle
• What coaching looks like: group support, practical tools, and emotional processing

A negative pregnancy test can flip a switch from hope to self-blame in seconds. We feel it in our chest, we question our bodies, and the inner voice gets sharp. That’s why this conversation with Marlene Moore hits so deep: she reframes self-love as what happens after disappointment, not what we post when life is going well.

We talk about trying to conceive, fertility stress, and the messy middle where diet culture promises control but often delivers restriction, bingeing, guilt, and more shame. Marlene explains why women don’t need another punishing diet layered on top of appointments, hormones, injections, and grief. Yes, health and weight can matter for fertility, but the path there changes everything: moving from “I’m broken” to “I’m worthy of care” can shift habits, reduce chronic stress, and support a healthier internal environment. We also explore “fertile thinking,” how self-judgment impacts cortisol, and why emotional eating is often a signal that we need support, not stricter rules.

Marleen shares her powerful personal story: growing up in Egypt, surviving a high-stress home, using food to cope, and eventually losing 49 kilos and maintaining it for 13 years. We get into what actually made the difference, healing the relationship with herself, learning to process emotions instead of eating them, and creating a lifestyle that feels sustainable. She also explains epigenetic testing and how personalized insights can guide food, timing, exercise, and daily choices without generic one-size-fits-all advice.

If you want a calmer, kinder, and more effective approach to fertility wellness, press play. Subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more women can find this kind of support.

Marleen's Details;

email - maeen@fittheroes.com

website - http://www.fittheroes.com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/marleen-mour-216b55149?utm_source=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=member_ios
 
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Transcript

Welcome To Home Of Fertility

SPEAKER_02 0:04

Welcome to the Home of Fertility, a space for real conversation. An expert insight about fertility, and creating family. I'm Alice Walker.

SPEAKER_01 0:17

And I'm Helen Zay. We are two mums who've walked this path and are passionate about supporting you on your journey. Emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

We talk about it all. Fertility treatment, electric support, relationship, mindset, and the emotional high athletics.

SPEAKER_01 0:38

Because sometimes the missing piece lies in someone else's story, in the quiet wisdom of the body, or in a breakthrough that's finally made for you. We are so glad you are here.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

Let's dive in. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, wherever you may be in this amazing world of ours. Today I have a wonderful conversation with another gorgeous lady. Her name is Marlene Moore. How are you doing, Marlene? I'm very excited to be here.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Thank you so much for having me, Liz.

SPEAKER_02 1:18

It's an absolute pleasure. I am excited too, because you have had quite the journey of health and healing. And um the the journey of also you're you're originally from Egypt, is that correct?

SPEAKER_03 1:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:34

And um absolutely stunning. I know you're hearing this, but I want you to say this lady's absolutely stunning and has had a massive journey of health and weight loss. She was 49 kilos, and um, this is a lot of her work that she's done, is from losing weight to understanding self-love to all of this goodness. But I want to let you know who this wonderful lady Marlene is, and then we're gonna go into our questions. But I'm so grateful you're here today, Marlene. Thanks, Liz, likewise. So let's find out. So Marlene is a TEDx speaker, and I need to find that TEDx speaker so I can put it in the notes. The ISA Health and Wellness Speaker of 2026. Well done, you, and the number one best-selling author and coach. Absolutely awesome, Marlene. So Marlene once struggled with self-loathing, obesity, emotional healing, and emotional eating, I beg your pardon, but has transformed her body and life by ditching diets and researching and embracing self-love. After losing 49 kilos and now becoming a mum, Marlene now helps women lose weight to improve fertility and restore their body after kids. No diets, no injections, just self-love. Oh, Marlene, I'm so excited about

Defining Self-Love Beyond Self-Care

SPEAKER_02 3:00

our chat today. So let's start off. I know self-love can be such a banded around a couple of words. So, you know, I know I'm what I might think what my self-love is, but you would you describe what is self-love for you?

SPEAKER_00 3:15

That is a very good place to start because it is indeed a very vague term that gets thrown around, and people often think it's just getting your nails done or going for a massage or mani petty. So I think the easiest way to explain self-love is to actually take yourself out of the equation for a moment and think about somebody you really love.

SPEAKER_02 3:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

Let's say your child, if you've already been blessed with a child, or your best friend, your sister, your partner, and ask yourself do I only love that person when they're doing well? When they're happy and successful and making all the right decisions.

SPEAKER_03 3:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

Of course not.

SPEAKER_03 3:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

Actually, when they're struggling, that's usually when we show up for them the most.

unknown 4:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

We listen, we hold space for them, we sit with them, we're gentle with them. We tell them, no, you're not a failure, right? And we remind them that one difficult experience or one uh perceived failure doesn't define who they are.

SPEAKER_03 4:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

So most of us know how to do that really well for other people, especially as women, right? We're so good at loving other people.

SPEAKER_03 4:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

But we're not always very good at doing that for ourselves.

SPEAKER_03 4:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

And that's where I think the real test of self-love comes in. It's easy to love yourself when you feel good, when you've lost the weight, you're close fit, you're succeeding, you just received good news, right? So easy. But what happens when things don't go the way that you wanted? Right. And that's particularly relevant, I think, for women going through fertility challenges. Maybe you've done everything you were told to do, right?

SPEAKER_03 5:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

And you've changed your diet and you've taken those supplements and you've tracked your cycle and you've gone to the appointments, and then you get a negative pregnancy test. Who are you in that moment? Like, who are you to yourself in that moment? That's where what I want you to ask yourself. If you say to yourself, Of course I love myself, Marlene, well, go back to those moments and check in and ask yourself, who am I to myself in those moments? Are you the woman who can say, I'm devastated? This hurts, but I'm here. And we're gonna get through this. Or do you emotionally abandon yourself? Start judging yourself. What's wrong with me? My body's failing me, I'm a failure. And then turn to things outside of yourself, like food, for example, is a big one, right? And fall into patterns of like self-sabotage, literally self-sabotage. So for me, self-love isn't about looking in the mirror and saying, I'm beautiful. Yes, it can be that too. Yes, it can be, you know, looking after yourself physically with nails and all that. Yes, it can be that. But it's about being able to stay in a loving relationship with yourself when you're not at your best and things are not going the way that you want. Yeah, and we can say in a relationship with somebody else, if I only love the other person when they're succeeding, that's not a healthy relationship, right? If somebody only loves me when I'm succeeding, that's not love. No, it's can you love me when I'm not succeeding? So I hope that answers the question.

SPEAKER_02 6:55

Yeah, no, I love that. I think it's great to get that clarity um of what loving the self means. And it is that gentleness, that kindness, even when things are tough. And you know, when you talk about that person going on the fertility journey at the beginning of my journey, you know, when things weren't working, God, I used to attack myself. I used to hate myself and hate my body. And a big turning round was learning to, you know, work with, bring my body with me. And uh that was a massive turning around and understanding what for me loving myself was and being gentle and kind to me. And it really was um quite an eye-opener. So I I I really agree, you know, this self-love and connecting and you know, that gentleness. And even though things aren't working out, it's okay. You know, our body is doing the best it can.

SPEAKER_00 7:53

Amen. Yeah, I love that you said working with your body, like not against it. Looking back now at what you naturally sort of saw yourself going through emotionally and psychologically, would you say that that was a self-love journey or a journey of learning to love yourself?

SPEAKER_02 8:11

For sure. Look, I I think the fertility journey is the gift, you know. We will all have journeys in our life, you know, it can be health, it can be fertility, it, you know, cancers, um, you know, uh, you know, as you say, a weight loss journey. And in the gift is we get to come back home to ourselves. And within that, I think we learn to have a much better, healthier relation with ourselves, our body, our mind, you know, all of that. So it is the biggest gift. So the the most toughest journey can be our biggest gift, and a lot of that is coming back home to ourselves, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 8:54

Yes, and like you experienced shifting from I have to do this because there's something wrong with me to I get to do this because I deserve the best, and what may come of this will come, but I deserve the goodness.

SPEAKER_02 9:14

Yeah, absolutely. I deserve. I choose to, I choose to now work with my body, I choose to learn, you know, to um support myself and and be kind to myself, absolutely. So I love that. Thank you so much for creating that clarity of what self-love is and also what it's not, you know, the attacking of the self. Because that doesn't help us to do go anywhere.

unknown 9:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:40

If any of your listeners are ever wondering, like, is this self-loving? Just ask yourself if I said the same thing I just said to myself to somebody else in my shoes, would I say that is loving or would I say that is borderline abuse?

SPEAKER_02 9:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:59

Yeah. No, it's a good question to ask the self, absolutely. Am I loving or am I attacking myself? Thank you. Yeah.

Fertility Stress And Self-Talk

SPEAKER_02 10:07

So with your journey and um everything that you've gone through, um, why do you believe that when women are trying to conceive, you know, that they don't need another, you know, they don't need another diet or to lose uh a lot of excess weight, that they need self-love. Because I know I've looked I I myself, I know it needed to lose weight at the beginning. And I do have see a lot of clients as well as friends and whatnot, um, where we may be larger than we should be. And um, you know, then we're like, oh God, I gotta go be on a diet. So tell me about your the, I suppose not the diet, but it's it's the healthy way of losing weight, isn't it? So do share that.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

Yes. So definitely health is still the end goal, but the means through which we get there, I think, is the key that we need to focus on. So what we need is not another diet that's associated with restriction and self-punishment and self-denial.

SPEAKER_03 11:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:08

So especially when it comes to you know, women trying to conceive, first we need to acknowledge that a lot of these women are already carrying by the time somebody tells them that they should lose weight.

SPEAKER_03 11:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

Um, and a woman who's struggling to conceive may already be thinking there's something wrong with my body. Why can't my body do this? Am I broken? Am I failing at something I'm supposed to be able to naturally do? So for some women, it can touch on their femininity, their identity, their worth, right? As you've experienced yourself. Absolutely. And then they've got the actual fertility journey, and on top of that, somebody says to them, you need to lose weight. And 100% that might be a good idea, right? We are overweight, just losing, you know, 10% of our body weight can increase our chance of conception by 21%, according to research. So this isn't saying don't lose the weight, it's saying that the last thing we need on top of being examined and poked and prodded and injected, right? Um, and going to the appointments and having our hormones checked and the grief and the roller coaster ride. I think the last thing we need on top of that is diets, self-restriction, more monitoring, right? And more self-denial. So what we want to avoid is the diet part, not the weight loss part. And we want the weight loss part to stem from a place of I deserve the best, I deserve to exist in a body that I feel comfortable in, that moves with ease, that works well for me. And that yes, is able to conceive. Yeah. As opposed to I'm doing this because I'm broken. Right? And I need more punishment and more rules, more restrictions.

SPEAKER_03 13:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:17

Yeah. So we want to shift away from that deprivation and the hunger where I'm gonna starting tomorrow, I'm cutting everything up, right? Yeah, starting tomorrow, I'm never having this again.

SPEAKER_03 13:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:28

So there's almost this underlying message of my body isn't good enough as it is, so now I need to punish it for it to become better.

SPEAKER_03 13:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

And I don't think that's what women need during an already emotionally difficult fertility journey. Um, so instead of under-eating and then you're hungry, and then you end up binging, and then you feel guilty about the overeating, and then restricting again. Do you know what I mean? Have you been through this journey yourself? I think most women can can relate to this. Yeah. That's what happens when we diet, and especially through the fertility journey, is you've experienced it's a very emotional journey. Right? Of hope and disappointment and hope and right, it's a roller coaster ride. So it's very common uh for women to develop patterns of emotional eating where rather than sitting with a difficult emotion as we would with a friend going through that difficult emotion, yeah, we abandon ourselves. The emotion is too difficult to sit with because it's too real, it's too close to home. It's us. And so we abandon ourselves and we numb or disconnect with food. Yeah, we start eating the emotion instead of processing the emotion. So dieting doesn't teach you how to be there for yourself in those moments that you're gonna definitely go through. Yeah, you're gonna struggle with patterns of emotional eating that diets are not gonna fix, in fact, they're just gonna perpetuate. And the dieting is also probably going to contribute to patterns of binging, over-restricting and binging. So the last thing these beautiful women need is more self-punishment and self-sabotage. An attempt to fix a body that they think is broken, but it's not. It just needs them to lovingly work with it.

SPEAKER_03 15:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:24

Absolutely. And look, there's so many of us, you know, and we start just blaming our bodies when we're trying to conceive, and really that just makes it all so much more worse, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_00 15:35

Yeah, 100%. There's so many, there's so many reasons. Um, and often it's it may not necessarily be the woman. And there's also lots of plastic and everything. There's so many reasons that for infertility rates have been climbing as quickly as they have. So to presume there's something wrong with me or I failed or my body's failed is never a good starting point.

SPEAKER_03 16:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:05

Yeah, no, absolutely. The the attack on the self just creates a lot more stress, cortisol, inflammation, and you know, that sort of negative cycle. And of course, you know, with all of the plastics as well. So there's there could be so many things in the way, can't there?

SPEAKER_00 16:24

Yes, yes. But it's not linked to your worth as a woman or as a human being. I think that's a big distinction that is very hard, like we can logically understand it. Yeah, yeah, I get that, Marlene. But as we're going through it emotionally, uh, it's a very hard thing to have sink into your heart's consciousness. For sure.

SPEAKER_02 16:51

And so I'm curious, do you think that self-love could actually improve our fertility?

SPEAKER_00 16:59

Well, as you just mentioned now, um stress, self-judgment, high cortisol levels being in fight, flight or freeze, uh, isn't definitely not going to assist. Now, I don't want to uh make wild claims that, you know, if you stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself I love myself, then it's gonna help you conceive. Uh, but from the perspective that we explained what self-love is in terms of the relationship you have with yourself, um, and recognizing that a lot of the emotional stress we go through is self-created through this negative self-talk and consistent self-judgment. And if we understand that self-love is learning to work with your body and not punish yourself, yes, all of these things help create a good internal environment for your body. Are they single-handedly going to lead to you being pregnant? I don't want to make any wild claims, but 100% if all factors are the same, but you have the option between going through the journey, loving yourself, as we explained earlier, versus judging yourself and punishing yourself.

SPEAKER_03 18:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:16

Yes, this person with self-love, I believe, would be creating a much better internal environment for conception and pregnancy and all this.

SPEAKER_02 18:26

Absolutely. And I agree with that for to me, it's um it's also like that fertile thinking, isn't it? You know, I I knew when I was attacking myself, I was in the depths of of, I suppose, uh, I don't know, depression and anxiety and like wise and this working, the realization of actually my thinking, my being, my who everything I'm doing, none of it is fertile. And so turning it round so that I was working with my body, that's a fertile thinking, you know, allowing myself to know that I'm doing the best I can, fertile thinking. And so just changing it round. So actually, I was feeling fertile instead of feeling annoyed, you know, which is all part of the self-love journey, isn't it? It's about really feeling fertile. And it to me, um, as I said before, it it it was a massive shift that changed my body, my mind to working with themselves instead of against.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

100%. And I know in the Western world we want to, you know, uh rely on uh medications or supplements, and but there's no there's nothing outside of you uh that will help as much as addressing your internal environment emotionally, not just with food and exercise.

SPEAKER_02 19:55

Absolutely. So now let's hear a bit about your story because I I think this is phenomenal. You know, you lost 49 kilos and you've also maintained it over the last 13

Why Dieting Backfires During TTC

SPEAKER_02 20:07

years. So tell us, share a bit about your story from what happened um and being being that weight to discovering, I suppose, a you know, a shift and a change, and then losing all of that, and then also maintaining it, because I know for uh I don't know, so many of us, the maintaining I can still go up and down, up and down is it can be challenging. So, but yeah, share us about you and your journey. I I think this is phenomenal.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

Well, I grew up in Egypt, uh in a home with my beautiful, loving mother and a very angry dad who I suppose did not know what to do with that emotion of anger. And so he took it out on everybody around him, especially the women in his life, my mom, my sister, and I. And from a young age, we learned uh that it's better to not be seen, keep out of sight, don't talk back, all these sorts of survival patterns uh we developed at a young age. And one of those survival patterns was to eat all the stress and all the fear and all the anxiety and all the sadness because mom blessed her soul, when she'd see us upset, or dad just finished yelling at us or doing whatever, she would bring me something yummy to eat. That was her way of comforting me, showing love. And I think that was quite common in that generation.

SPEAKER_03 21:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:28

Again, they did not have the tools to deal with the emotions or help us self-regulate, and so it was here's some love, right? Here's some food, here's some chocolate, here's some bread. And so I learned at a young age to eat all of those difficult emotions. And uh my weight quickly climbed up to uh I think 94 kilos. And I did what most young girls do when I saw all the girls my age getting asked out, you Know to the prom and the boys interested in them, but not me.

SPEAKER_02 22:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:04

Um, I assumed uh I'm unlovable because I'm on overweight and I need to lose weight so that I can be lovable.

SPEAKER_03 22:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

And so I did what most most girls do. I saw food as a problem, overrestricted. Like I had two boiled eggs a day, ran for two hours a day, had a chicken drumstick for dinner, that was it.

SPEAKER_03 22:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

Um, and began the cycle of under-eating and binging and losing weight through becoming really good at punishing myself, but then gaining it again because it's impossible to maintain. And back and forth and back and forth. And uh by the age of 19, uh, I had lost maybe about 20 of the 49 kilos. So I was definitely looking attractive as a girl, and um I found myself engaged. Wow uh to be married to somebody I did not want to be engaged to, somebody who had already dislocated my shoulder. And I saw my mom's entire future ahead of me. Yeah, I knew that I needed to change the trajectory of my life, I suppose.

SPEAKER_03 23:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

And um I knew that we had cousins here, yeah, in Australia, and I decided that I wanted to come to Australia. Now, obviously, uh this was not gonna be easy. My passport was locked away in my father's safe, all of our passports were really yeah, we weren't allowed to work. He controlled all the finances, made sure we barely had enough for groceries so that there's no capacity to save a dime.

SPEAKER_02 23:39

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_00 23:41

Um, but you know when you make a decision in your mind and then all the answers just show up, yeah. Doors just open. Yeah, I had one of those moments where I made the decision.

SPEAKER_03 23:52

Yeah. Awesome.

SPEAKER_00 23:54

And surely enough, about a few days later at university, a couple of students approached me and said, Hey, there's a university competition. Uh the winners win 4,000 US dollars each, $2,000 of which is in cash.

SPEAKER_03 24:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

And we need a third member on the team. We think you're pretty smart. Want to be part of our team? I was like, sure. Sounds like the answer to me. So I won't go into the details, but we won by a mile.

SPEAKER_02 24:22

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

And I got that cash and I went to the Australian embassy saying I'm going to the library to study. Declared my passport stolen. Had luckily a picture of my passport and uh picture of my mother's uh Australian passport as well. Was issued a new one eventually. Um, and yes, urged mom to come with me. She, of course, was very afraid uh of what my father would do. Uh, but yes, eventually to cut the story short, I I ran away. My family chased me through the airport, but I made it here with less than $200 to my name.

SPEAKER_03 25:01

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 25:02

And got myself three jobs in the first two weeks. Uh, worked seven days a week, set the foundations, but I continued starving myself and binging and starving myself and binging. Um, and it was maybe about six to nine months into being in Australia that I very distinctly remember my binges had turned into binges on quote healthy food. Do you know what I mean? So like oats and peanut butter instead of like chocolate and chips.

SPEAKER_03 25:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

Um, but I was still eating huge amounts because there were too many difficult emotions to deal with.

SPEAKER_02 25:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

When I was not distracted by work, yeah. And alone by myself at home.

SPEAKER_02 25:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:48

So the food would come out. And I remember one morning waking up after another binge, just feeling absolutely disgusting, you know, when you just your body's just, what have you done to me? Yeah. You've put too much, I can't even process this. And I'm bloated and lethargic. Last thing I want to do is put on clothes and go out and be seen by the world. And I remember dragging myself out of bed, beating myself up already in my head, what have you done? You did it again. And looking at myself in the mirror and hearing that voice in my head that always speaks to us. And I was saying something to myself, like, you fat, disgusting pig, who's ever going to love you? Oh, no. Yeah. And even though I'd said it so many times, it was like the first time I heard it, like it just it was like you couldn't hear anything else but just that.

SPEAKER_02 26:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:50

And I realized in that moment that that was me speaking to little me, to like little eight-year-old me. And that all that girl ever wanted was just to be loved, and that even her attempting to lose weight was because she wanted to be loved.

SPEAKER_03 27:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:08

And here I was abusing her. When I realized that I had run away from Egypt and the family that I said was abusing me and the culture, and here I was on the other side of the planet abusing myself, starving myself, degrading myself, not being there for myself in my moments of emotional need, abandoning myself.

SPEAKER_02 27:38

Big realization.

SPEAKER_00 27:40

Yeah. And I fell to my knees on the ground and just sobbed and sobbed because all I could see was that little girl. And I just wrapped my arms around myself and I cried and I spoke to her and I said, Baby, I'm so sorry. I said, I promise that I see you now. I promise I'm gonna learn how to love you now. And I realized also in that moment, I was like, Man, I have no idea what it means to love myself. Look at this, look at this. This is abuse. What I'm doing to myself. And so I made her a promise that day, I'm going to learn what it looks like to love you now. And so that meant no more diet, no more starting tomorrow, you're not allowed to. No more of that. Wow. And so that be began my journey of really paying attention to myself, to her, and asking, is this is this loving? Would I say this to somebody else? And so that changed my relationship with myself. Um, and I started learning how to be there for myself. Stop turning on the TV and drowning it out, Marlene. Listen to her. Don't let her just sit there and relive what happened and re-traumatize the both of you, but listen to her about how she feels.

SPEAKER_03 29:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:12

And yeah, it did wonders for me learning how to be there in those moments and never say to myself, oh, you're not allowed to get the KFC. No, you can get the KFC, but after you tell me how you feel, and I listen to you and I validate and I hold space to you and I remind you how loved you are. Then if you still want it, go for it.

SPEAKER_03 29:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:32

And quite often I don't want it. Do you know what I mean? I'm like, actually, I don't, I'm good now.

SPEAKER_03 29:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

So taking the focus off of counting calories and macros and all of that garbage. And going down to the reason of why I gained the weight in the first place. But I never learned how to be there for myself, how to process those emotions.

SPEAKER_03 29:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:54

And doing it not

Marlene’s Story From Egypt To Healing

SPEAKER_00 29:56

because you know, I'm fat and disgusting, and who's ever gonna love me, but doing it because no, because I love you and you're already lovable and you deserve the best. And I'm gonna feed you the best, I'm gonna be here for you is very different.

unknown 30:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:09

So that's where it started. But definitely when I wanted to become a mom, it became even more prominent in my mind that if I'm going to be blessed with a child, I gotta really pay attention to the relationship with food that he's going to inherit or she's gonna inherit from me.

SPEAKER_03 30:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:27

Not through my lecturing, through my demonstration. Through the doing, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:33

The being, the doing, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:35

So it became even more important for me in those moments to notice like, why are you reaching for the chocolate right now? Is chocolate gonna fix, is it gonna fix the problem, Marlene? Is it really gonna fix it gonna make anything better? No. Okay, so yes, come back to the chocolate later, but let's talk about it first. What's going on? Um, so yes, 49 kilos eventually came off. I uh had the great honor and gift of uh becoming a mum. And six months later I lost uh the 17 kilos that I had gained, and I was on stage being crowned Australia's national bikini mama. Wow medals with my six months old in my arms, by the way. I have very proud pictures. Oh wow of my arm. Yeah, still looking up mommy's boobies because he was still breastfeeding.

SPEAKER_02 31:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

Um, and yeah, this is what I uh I'm very passionate. I have the pleasure to help other women do now is to completely ditch the diets and self-punishment and the injections and the pills and all of that garbage and not just get the weight off but heal their relationship with themselves for life.

SPEAKER_02 31:44

Yeah. Oh wow, I just really want to honor that because I think this can be a similar story. I mean, things can be different, but you know, we we eat our emotions, and um, it's those times when we're alone and um, you know, not wanting to be with the self, and it is that massive realization of actually what am I doing to me? I'm just hurting myself, and then having that turnaround and realizing, you know, it's just me and I deserve better. And I love you, you know, I love me, you know. I I I'm just really honoring all of that, and thank you so much for sharing all of that. And with that, so you've done, I I know, quite a lot of studying with coaching, with food, and um so how what would be how are you able to maintain that weight?

SPEAKER_00 32:48

Uh, with a lot of ease. I don't even think about it anymore.

SPEAKER_02 32:52

I love that with ease, you maintain with ease. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. That's also what people need to hear. You can maintain what your weight with ease.

unknown 33:04

Oh, I love it.

SPEAKER_00 33:05

Yes, it's not even a thought on my mind, and that that is the end goal of what I coach women in is that it is no longer an issue, it's a non-issue, it's not even a thought on your mind. There's a chocolate cake in front of you, and you feel nothing. So, again, if we're gonna go down the rap of diets and self-restriction and counting calories and self-denial, it's not gonna be sustainable. And it's gonna be a lifelong battle of fighting your biology. So, I want women to stop fighting your cravings. Please understand your body is very intelligent, so intelligent. If it's craving chocolate for a reason, there's there's a reason.

SPEAKER_03 33:51

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:53

Chocolate's high in magnesium. Your body could be in need of magnesium. So, what I teach women is how to regain that trust with their bodies, very intelligent, yes, knowing in cues.

SPEAKER_03 34:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:09

And we start off by doing that with an epigenetic test that pretty much says this is what your body was designed to respond to, this is what your body clock is designed to excel at at each time of day. And these are the specific foods that you need more of, as opposed to focusing on don't have this, don't have that. And it helps us understand. Um, for example, the last client I spoke to, it came up saying avoid cauliflower and avoid kale. And she was like, What do you mean? Aren't they really good for me? And she's basing that on calories. But turns out for her, both cauliflower and kale have micronutrients that her body's already overloaded on right now. Right. So it's saying, for now, avoid these, eat more of these foods, yeah. Not based on calories, right? But based on how to restore your body back to optimum shape. Yeah, so we get to focus on uh how to work with our body, yeah, getting all the generic stuff, which is such a relief, by the way. Yeah, you know, you can hear people say, Kale, it's the next craze. You don't need to listen to any of it anymore. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 35:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:25

Because you have a blueprint for your body right now.

SPEAKER_03 35:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:29

And uh from personal experience and the hundreds of women I've worked with, what we hear them say is this really aligns with me. Like this feels natural. So if they have lost touch with what their body's naturally designed to do and respond to because they've been listening to diet industry, breakfast is the most important meal, and you know, don't eat after this time or whatever. And that's the opposite of what their body's designed to do. They have that blueprint, and that gives them that certainty and the confidence. Wow, that's really interesting. Yeah. Yeah, we don't fluff around and waste their time because we know how important it is that these women need to see results. Otherwise, they're gonna lose motivation right away. We need them to see this is working, but the most important thing is we want them to see it working whilst it doesn't feel like a diet and whilst they're completely satisfied.

SPEAKER_03 36:22

Yeah.

unknown 36:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:25

So uh the epigenetic testing definitely helps uh in terms of saving time and and getting them to align their efforts with what's right for their body and not just address weight loss, but any lifestyle induced condition. So, what is the epigenetic testing?

SPEAKER_02 36:42

How do you how do you do that?

SPEAKER_00 36:45

Uh so this is done online. You do not need to go into a clinic or send me any blood samples or hair follicles or stool samples in the mail. You do not need to do that. Okay. Uh this is done online. Epigenetics is a study of how your body, your expression of your genes is impacted by the environment your body is in. And that's not just the food that you put in it or the timing of the food or the exercise or the type of exercise, it's even your emotional state. How all of that impacts, even the climate that you're in, if it's winter or summer. So it looks at all of that, as well as your medical history, family history, and it's able to give you a clear understanding of what you need to do or what's in your power to do to reverse any conditions that were induced by your lifestyle.

SPEAKER_02 37:37

That sounds awesome. I've never heard a um, you know, someone that deals with weight loss uh to do that. So I think that's a really wonderful thing to share. Awesome.

SPEAKER_00 37:47

Yes. So that's always a starting point. But we know we're very smart, we know that even if we give every woman the perfect blueprint, hey, there's exactly what to do. We still know when life gets hard emotionally, chances of her doing what's good for her are slim to none.

SPEAKER_03 38:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:07

Right? We tend to fall into patterns of self-sabotage. So that's where a lot of the coaching comes in around how to process rather than eat difficult emotions, how to meet your need, your emotional need rather than disconnect and abandon yourself.

SPEAKER_02 38:24

And so, what does a typical session um look like when people are working with you? I think this might be really good to share right now. I've had this coming in my mind. So just share what a session um look like with you.

SPEAKER_00 38:38

It's very personalized, obviously. So uh my coaching is a combination of group and one-on-one group because women love knowing that hey, it's not just me.

SPEAKER_03 38:49

True. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:51

And it builds momentum when other women share their wins and their progress in a group call. Yeah, it motivates the other women. And when somebody's struggling and another woman reaches out to her and says, Hey, I was there last week, but I've overcome that.

SPEAKER_02 39:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:06

There's so many benefits to having that community of women on a similar journey to yourself. Um, the group call I ran last night was teaching them how to take the information from their epigenetic testing, chuck that into Chat GPT with some of their lifestyle uh things that they don't want to change, and have Chat GPT recommend based on the

The Mirror Moment And A New Promise

SPEAKER_00 39:30

ingredients and everything that's ideal for them. Really? Easy recipes that have three to five ingredients and take less than 15 minutes to prep. Awesome. So sometimes we have really practical calls like that, and sometimes we have calls where I'm teaching the girls how to recognize an emotional trigger, yeah, how to interrupt the pattern of now my face is in the pantry and there's cookies in my mouth. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 39:57

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:58

Um, and the one-on-one calls obviously are reserved for personal things that these women maybe don't feel comfortable sharing online.

unknown 40:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:08

So we don't just address the food and the exercise, we even do live workouts uh on Zoom from a bedroom in our pajamas, yeah, in the morning together. Uh, but all the emotional things that we know are required so that when you get to your goal, the weight's never coming back. That's I would say that's actually 80% of it.

SPEAKER_03 40:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:32

Oh, that's awesome. Thank you for sharing that. I think that's a really good thing for people to understand.

SPEAKER_00 40:38

Um, I wish this was around 20 years ago when I was really struggling.

SPEAKER_02 40:41

Uh uh, me too, me too. I wish I'd known you when I was younger. So um, but you know, these are the journeys we have in our lives. And I'm I'm just uh glad to have met you that we we can share this for other women, you know, because weight is a thing and weight is um a lot about the protection we put around ourselves and again our self-love or self-loathing, you know, it's it's it's it's never just one thing. So people mentalities, yes. Yeah. So with women listening to this podcast who are maybe overweight and they're really, you know, wanting to conceive, um, what would be that those first things you would want them to know?

SPEAKER_00 41:24

I think the first thing I would want these women listening to know is please don't begin this journey believing you're broken.

SPEAKER_02 41:32

Yeah, love that.

SPEAKER_00 41:35

And don't begin it believing that becoming pregnant is going to be the thing that finally proves your worth.

SPEAKER_03 41:42

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:45

And yes, if losing the way is going to help increase your chance of conceiving, then yeah, absolutely work on it. But go for a place of wanting to nourish your body and support your body and love on your body, not from a place of trying to fix something that's broken, but from a place of I'm worthy of caring for myself and the body that I'm in. Yeah, yeah. And I would say um definitely not just start this from a completely different place of self-love, but take some time to break down for yourself what self-love means so it's not just a vague idea, yeah, but it needs to have some practical, actionable steps. So again, reflect on how you love other people.

SPEAKER_03 42:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:48

Uh, one of the things I hear often, for example, uh early on with my female clients is that they find it really easy to cook for other people, but they don't cook for themselves. Yeah, it's very easy to give to someone else, but not motivated to give to myself. If I made a plan to go for a walk with a friend, I'll show up, but if I made a plan to walk with myself, I'll cancel myself five minutes before. Yeah. So I would say start to identify ways that you can improve in your relationship with yourself along this journey. Ask yourself what would loving myself through this journey look like, and if weight loss is a necessary part of this journey, then how can I ensure that I'm lovingly working with my body and there for myself rather than trying to force my body into submission with. Another diet all while beating myself up. What does that look like? Yeah. And if any of the women are listening are like, that all sounds good, Marlene. Thanks, nice ideas. But you're like, how the hell do I implement this? Yeah, you can hopefully find me. Liz will hopefully leave my details. And yeah, you can reach out, watch some videos, dig a little deeper into understanding what this actually looks like in action.

SPEAKER_02 44:30

Absolutely. So please do share. How can people find you? In all of um the show notes will be all of your details, everything that you've sent me, basically. But absolutely, I want everyone to find you. And uh, even got clients that I now want to refer to you. So, yes, share how we can find you, my lovely.

SPEAKER_00 44:49

There's a couple of ways you can find me. You can definitely find me on Instagram and shoot me a message. Instagram will also have my website there in the description.

SPEAKER_02 44:57

And what's your Instagram um address?

SPEAKER_00 45:01

Marlene.more. So first name.lastname, marlene.more. Um, you can find me on Facebook as well, or you can go straight to the website if you want, which is fitheroes.com, and that's fit with two ts.

SPEAKER_03 45:15

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 45:17

Fitheroes.com.

SPEAKER_02 45:18

Fitheroes.com. Awesome, awesome. I love that. So before we finish our chat, what would be some take home, some takeaways, you know, a couple, one or two that you would like to leave everybody with today?

SPEAKER_00 45:37

I would say whenever you're feeling down, take a step back and check in on the conversation you're having with yourself.

SPEAKER_03 45:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:49

Just ask yourself, who's that loving? So create that self-awareness. Any moment you're feeling down, just check in and ask yourself, what would I say to a woman I love in my shoes right now? And flip the script. I would say uh make yourself a promise uh to never follow another generic diet or base any weight loss journey on self-punishment again. And I would say focus on like being reasonable. How can I create a lifestyle that I'm happy to live the rest of my life?

SPEAKER_03 46:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:32

As opposed to how can I get this weight off real fast so I can quickly return back to what I've always done.

SPEAKER_02 46:39

Yeah. Longevity. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:44

Yes. Yeah. Get rid of going to extremes, starting tomorrow, I'm never this. Stop it. Stop it. We know it doesn't work. How many times have we said it starting next Monday, right? Oh, I already had a cookie, I ruined it, so I'll just binge between Tuesday till next Monday and then I'll start again. You know, we gotta get rid of those extremes, call ourselves out on our bullshit loving legs, and just say, okay, maybe instead of saying I'm never having carbs again, how about we allow ourselves some carbs, but maybe make sure to include some vegetables. How about I focus more on what I should include more of instead of what I'm not allowed to have?

SPEAKER_03 47:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:29

I love those top tips. I think they are great. Okay. Oh, yeah. So thank you, thank you for this wonderful chat, sharing your journey, um, which was really, really um breath, you know, sort of holding my breath there, and also what it looks like to work with you. Um, really thank you for your time today.

SPEAKER_00 47:53

Thank you, Liz, for having me. It's always an honor to uh to share this knowledge that I've acquired through all of my struggles in life and hopefully save some other women the decade that it took me trying to figure this out.

SPEAKER_02 48:06

Absolutely. And this is the gift. This is the gift of the struggles, isn't it? We learn and we grow from it and we support others. It's it really is just marvelous. So thank you. Thank you for you, thank you for your journey, and thank you for sharing it today and um being part of the Home of Fertility podcast. I'm so grateful. What an honor. Thank you, Liz. So, and with that, I would just like to leave our listeners with two of um the wonderful sayings that Marlene said, which is what would be what would my loving self look like on this journey today? And is that thought loving? So allow yourself to ponder on that when things may be tough or or or challenge you. And with that, thank you so much for being here today and sending you lots of love.

SPEAKER_01 49:04

Thanks for joining us at the Homer Fertility. We hope today's episode brought you clarity, comfort, and connection.

SPEAKER_02 49:14

If this podcast resonated, please share it. Leave a review or subscribe. This helps us support more people that are on this path.

SPEAKER_01 49:23

And if you'd like to connect or share your story, find us on Instagram and Facebook at Australian Fertility Summit.

SPEAKER_02 49:32

Remember the missing piece might be waiting in a story. Your body's wisdom or something new just made for you. Take care and we'll see you next time.