BASIC INSTINCT

We revisit classic films to frame a raw talk about intuition, research, and self-respect in love. Ken shares personal stories, challenges women to act on their gut, and explains how patterns form when red flags go unchecked.

• films as mirrors for choices and consequences
• why ignoring intuition wastes years
• how to research patterns without paranoia
• gather multiple proofs before confronting
• staying for items vs choosing peace
• accountability when you’re wrong
• counseling as a shot, not a loop
• self-love as the core boundary
• spotting change in long-term relationships
• stop building harmful patterns

Transcript

Old Movies Spark Memories

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey everybody out there. Thank y'all for coming back to my podcast, The Truth About It All, with your boy Ken Johnson. Thank y'all for coming back and to tuning in to listen to me. And I'm hoping that everyone is getting something out of it. Okay. Look, look what I did this past weekend. I went back and I watched some of them old movies that I had mentioned in my journey, right? One of the movies was Jungle Fever. You remember that movie. It gave me and Tory hell because of the interracial dating in that movie. It was one of the first black and white kind of, you know, movies that show love between the two races. Anyway, that movie reminded me something more than the interracial part. It also shows the crack academic that went on in New York during that time. How so many people was hooked on it. I remember that they had a song. They used to call it Living Basehead. They walked around like zombies when they tuck it, okay? Now, let me tell you something else. This movie also reminded me, right? Guess who was in this movie? One of her very, very first movies. Holly fucking berry. Holly Berry was in this movie. She was a fucking crackhead, y'all, in this movie. And guess what? She was about the best, prettiest crackhead I ever saw. I mean, she was a beautiful crackhead. She really was. Anyway, I forgot that Holly was in that fucking movie. I'm glad I went back and I watched it. Because in that movie, back in my day, she said a part in that movie that everybody talked about, right? Holly Berry walked up to Wesley Snipe character and said, hey, give me $3. And I was suck your mad Holly Berry said this in that movie, and I had forgot about it. So I'm kind of glad I went back and I watched it. But Holly Berry blew the fuck up after that movie. Right? I gotta find out what movie kind of that movie couldn't blow her up because she just played such a negative role in that movie. Okay. But Holly Berry was in this movie. The most beautiful African American woman. Fuck African fucking the most beautiful woman in the world.

Halle Berry’s Breakthrough And Beauty

SPEAKER_01 2:35

Top man, top 10. Got to be top 10. Holly Berry was in this damn movie as a crackhead, and she was the best looking crackhead that you ever saw. She ain't missing no teeth, no nothing. But she act that role and it got it got her with some more roles in Hollywood. And after that, she blew the fuck up. I mean, so we got to say that Spike Lee, because this this is a Spike Lee joint, right? So this means that Spike Lee basically got Holly Berry career going. Wow. Just think about that shit. And just imagine how big she is now. There's nothing Holly can't do in acting. She's she's the total package. Okay. Beautiful, educated, could play any role that she wants. Now I understand that some of the movies that she plays, a lot of y'all might not know that she played in it. Most of you gonna remember Monster Ball. That's when when she had sex and showed showed that she got naked on, you know, you you finally got to saw Holly naked with Billy Bob Thornton, and she won a Castle Me Award, and everybody was like, God damn, Holly got to get naked to win an award in this motherfucker. But she did. She won an Oscar for that movie Master Ball. But man, it just it just dawned on me when I saw it. I said, wait a minute, Hollywood in this movie. You know? So I'm glad I went back and I saw the movie. Okay. All right. I'm just, you know, I'm Gushing, you know, Holly, Holly had songs written about her. You know what I mean? I mean, they had rappers that just wrote songs about her. I'm just saying, Holly was a bad girl. When I mean bad, I mean bad. Dev was nobody touching her. I mean, I don't care who you think of. Well, I don't know. Thelmahaya, you know, uh I love me some Thelma Haya. But I mean, Holly, top five. Top five, y'all. Of all time. I don't give a damn. Top five. I don't, if Holly Berry don't make your list, I don't give a damn you black, white, span. If Holly Berry does not make your list, something wrong with your ass. Seriously. Your ass needs to go get checked out for real. Anyway, let me get back on track. The whole thing I was trying to say, I had watched a lot of old movies back in the day. So by me watching Jungle Fever with your girl Alabetta Scorer on there, you know, playing the white girl. Well, she also had a movie that's called Hands That Rock the Cradle. I kind of kind of mentioned that in my journey too. And where a girl, Rebecca DeMaury, had was was like the babysitter and she she would throw it off. She wanted her life and wanted to take over her life and the baby. Anyway, that that that was a good movie too. Now to stick on the you know the same cast, Rebecca Dumore also played in another movie with another classic, and maybe that I I'm not sure that this person was his first movie, but this was the movie that blew him up. And the name of it was Risky Business. And Risky Bit Risky Business had Tom Cruise in it. I mean, Tom Cruise was young, and when I watched the sat down and I watched that, I mean, you should see how young Tom Cruise. This might be his first, but like I say, if it ain't his first movie, because I'm not used to all them little bitty roles that people play, I've I'm very sure this is his very first big role. And this movie here was great. And Rebecca directed Rebecca Di Maury, I hope I say her name right. Well, she played a prostitute and and and and time, I think he went by the name Joel, if I remember Joel, in there. He hired her, the bill became so high because he he let her spend a night there, and and he didn't know it was gonna cause that much.

Revisiting Classics And Remakes

SPEAKER_01 6:45

Anyway, I'm not gonna tell you the movie. But that movie name is Risky Business, and you need to check that one out too. And look, and when I start to get some more old business, old movies, like, you know, I'm gonna sit down and watch some Ornith Schwarzenegger movies, you know, not Terminator. I mean, Terminator is the Terminator, you know. You saw one, you saw them all. I mean something like the Running Man, because they got the new Running Man out right now. But I I love going back watching the old movies. Like when they try to remake something with different casts, I like to go back and I try to watch the old one, then watch the new one, then try to compare the two. And majority of the goddamn time, the old always kick the new ass. It's just it's just what it is. The old always kicked the new ass, but maybe because we just used to something the first time and we hate changes. Maybe that's it. Okay. Anyway, all right. I just wanted to say, I'll tell you some more

Forced To Move In: The Nicole Story

SPEAKER_01 7:40

of the movies, like I say. Let's get but to the podcast. I'm sorry I'm talking so fast. I'm just trying to get this little segment over because I know y'all probably want to get let's just get to the podcast. Let's go. I want to go back and talk about what I think I left off last time in the previous episode, Fatal Attraction, was about Nicole wanting me to move in with her. And I didn't want to do it. Fuck that. You know, I already told you I didn't want to go and move out with nobody. I'm not just saying Nicole. I did, I didn't want to leave my goddamn house. See, my mama worked majority of the time, so it felt like me and my brother really didn't have no rules. I was in charge. There really was no rule. Why, why, why would I want to leave that? You know what I mean? I mean, especially me saying that she wasn't really my type. But at this point in time, we done been together like for two years. I was just gonna go, you know, just gonna not deal with moving in with her until one day I came home, took my keys, opened up the door, went in the refrigerator, fixed me something to eat, came back out, sat down on the sofa in the living room, put the TV on. Something told me to go in my room. I went in my room, and there it was. All my shit was gone. I mean, I looked in my closet, I looked in the drawers, where all my motherfucking clothes was gone. And I the first person I called was my mama, like Ma. Ma. You know, where my shit? Where my clothes? She started to laugh and said, Well, Nicole took your shit to the apartment. I'm like, mama, you let that woman take my shit to the apartment. He said, Yeah, son, it's time for you to grow up. And maybe she the one for you. Man, when I tell you she cleaned that room out real good, I don't know how she had the time to do the shit. Like, how she had the time to move the shit from one place to another without me even knowing. I I couldn't tell you. The only thing she left was my blanket. And the only reason she left that fucking favorite blanket, because it was my sex blanket. She know what that blanket is. Like most women that I slept with or brought to that house, I slept under that blanket with her. I had sex on top of that blanket, under that blanket. I mean, whatever you could think with that blanket, I had it. I didn't wash it much. I didn't because it had a little torn in it, and you just couldn't stick it in the washer. You had to bring it to the big washer mad to put it in the big washer. And I didn't do that a lot. I know that disgusting. I know most people, you know, have certain things that they keep, like a sweater, you know, maybe a favorite hat. Well, I had a favorite sex blanket, and god damn it, I didn't want to get rid of it. But Nicole did not take that shit to the apartment. She left that shit to my mama, okay? So I was I called her. I I mean, right away, I was like, wait, wait, hold up, hold up, hold up. Why you touching my shit? Man, when I tell you I was forced to move with her, I was. And I mean, if you I mean, if you even talk to her, she'll let you know this is a true story. She grabbed my shit from my mama's and she brought it to the new apartment. Well, not new, the one her mama left because her mama bought a house. And let me just say this, okay? You know, I didn't want to leave my mom's house. I really didn't. But that wasn't the only issue. We had another issue.

Interracial Dating And Southern Policing

SPEAKER_01 11:02

It was still the South, y'all. The interracial couple, yeah, there was more that was doing it during that time, but it didn't revolve like it is today. I mean, yeah, I know we're gonna always have prejudiced people, but today, it, you know, you see it everywhere. It's like part of the world now. But see, back then it was not. It was like, I ain't gonna say the beginning, but it was it was still bad. So I I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to go and just move in with her, you know, and putting myself at risk. I I could tell you this one particular time when me and her was together, and I was driving, and in front of her car there was a neon plate. Now she had this neon plate in front of her car for the longest. Never got pulled over, never, never, you know, got bothered with that damn neon plate. But one day I was driving, we was coming back from the movies, a cop pulled us over. And the cop pulled over and just, you know, asked me to get out the car. And I'm like, what's the problem, sir? He's saying, do what the fuck I tell you to do. I'm not gonna go further into that, but I got treated real bad because of it. And then she was saying, hey, what are you doing to him? I mean, and I had to keep reminding her to be quiet or you're gonna make it worse. Like, like I say, we we all know the story with police, okay? So I don't need to go in depth with it, but I got treated real bad. I mean, I didn't go to jail or nothing. He didn't hit me with no billy stick or nothing. But he roughed me up. I ain't gonna say rough me up like, you know, beat me up or nothing, but you know, kind of handle me bad. That shit was going on still in the South, real bad during that time. So that wouldn't my only problem, just didn't want to leave my mom. I just didn't, you know, I was scared shit. I was like, man, you know, just this little episode that's happened and what happened if we moved together. All that shit was running through my head. But if you're asking, yes, yes. My clothes were there, goddammit, I had to go, right? So yes, we moved in together. Okay, so I stopped that story there. You know, the story started to get more interesting as I go, but we're gonna go ahead and jump into the podcast as the you know, with the subject at hand. You know, last last podcast was Fatal Attraction. I hope y'all did understand. I did get some fan mail about that stuff. We'll talk about that later, too. But let's go ahead and jump into it, y'all. Let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

They told you love's a fairy tale, a dream you got to chase. And died in God in all the guiding in to save the day. The real love ain't gonna rescue. It ain't a perfect seat. It's fine, it's so late. I don't think so.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

Today,

Women’s Intuition: Use It, Don’t Ignore It

SPEAKER_01 14:28

I want to talk about something that's really simple, but we keep fucking it up. Today I want to talk just to the ladies today. This is only for the ladies, okay? I want to talk about something that's so simple, and we know it, and we get it, and we still fucks it up. And some of you will call it woman intuition, basic instincts. You know, the number one thing that a woman have and y'all possess is that

Theme Song Interlude

SPEAKER_01 15:00

power to see it, sniff it out, and then let it go. Y'all will go and have this instinct and this gut feeling that something, and you just say, you know what, fuck it and let it go because you rather ignore it, because you want the relationship so bad that you just don't follow your instinct. You know what fucks up most relationships, especially with women, is research. You know, y'all don't do the research. When you sit around here and you get in a car and you got to open up that glove box to find out is he telling you the truth, that's something you got to do. Okay, but before you even do that, you get this gut feeling like something just ain't right. Yeah, y'all get this, y'all, y'all, y'all possess this shit, right? But somehow, somehow keep fucking it up for love. Just because you see something, you because you attracted to this person, you say forget what you feel. You don't do nothing else about it but get this gut feeling and let it go. And then when the relationship continues for two years and you finally fuck, but he fucks it up and you go, I knew it, I knew it. Well, baby, you should have done something and you wasted two years of your goddamn life for something you kind of felt in the beginning. That shit don't make no sense. If you feel that shit and you don't have proof of that shit, then you start researching that shit. You start digging into shit. I know my I know, I know. I don't I don't want him digging in my shit so I don't dig in his and he don't like me to dig in his stuff because he says I'm trespassing on his privacy. Fuck that. Fuck that. If you got it, you got it for a reason. First of all, let me tell you something. Women, if a man is doing something out of the ordinary all of a sudden, and you just let that shit go like oh he just changing, you you stupid. Because a man don't just change just because he wants to change. You know, yeah, we'll change for the better. But if it's good in the beginning and it starts to do some odd shit that we haven't done in a that you never saw us do, and then you like, you know what, I'ma just let it be. I'm not gonna dig, I'm not gonna even try to proceed on his feelings because you know he gonna bark at me, and then I'm gonna get the blame. Motherfucker, shut up. That's some dumb ass, stupid ass shit that y'all done created, and some fucking man done told y'all this, and y'all don't want to lose the man, so let me stop, let me stop before he's gone. Baby, he on his way out the door anyway. He halfway out the door. He got one foot in and one foot out. For example, y'all been dating for three weeks, and he never brought you to his house, didn't even offer to cook for you to do nothing, show you his crib, where he lives. I mean, even his neighborhood. Baby, you don't you don't think something might be you know? Another example. He never brings you out in public, show you off to people, and you ain't never saw his friends, and you never go to no family function. Uh, you don't think something might be fishy? Let's see what you know. Let's say y'all been together for three or four years. Y'all living together, all of a sudden he started to work overnight at the office for no apparent reason. Never did that shit before, never had to work overnight before. Now every night you working every overnight? Think about it. Baby, all I'm saying is I'm not saying that that y'all's intuition can't be wrong. You could be wrong, but you ain't gonna know until you research. You should not let that shit fly under the radar unless you research. You need to go to that building to see if he's working. If that motherfucker locked up like fucking fork knots, that means he ain't in there. That means something else

Red Flags And Real-World Examples

SPEAKER_01 19:10

going on. All right? If you smell a funny smell on him, don't convince yourself or listen to him, girl, you don't know what you're talking about. Baby, you possess that power. Think about it. Now, can you be wrong? Yes. Can you be right? Yes. Which one you rather do, figure it out. You rather be you ready to try to figure it out and be wrong, or figure it out and be right. You gotta figure that shit out. You see what I did there? You got to figure that out, okay? Now let's talk about the consequences, okay? There's a few of them, right? But let's just talk about this one particular one. You figured it out, and he's doing something that he should not be doing, and he's been shaded, and you done caught him. Now, first of all, let me explain something before I keep going on. You should not. Get one piece of evidence and just say you got him. That one piece of evidence, he's gonna shoot that shit down and make you seem like you're crazy. The first thing you need to do is get more and more proof of stuff. The number one thing that that saying I gotcha, that number one thing that you say I got you is figuring out who it is. And then you talk to that person, right? Because once again, that person might not even know nothing about you. You that's the that's the that's the best weapon right there. Now to the consequences. Now let's just say you right. And people, let me let me tell y'all something. Let me tell you something that's really sad about some women. Okay, and you know if this you or not, or you might even know a friend like this. The reason why most women don't research that don't want to find out is because they're so afraid of losing that person. They rather get abused and used than to separate from a person that's doing it to them. Ain't that sad? That is so fucking sad. And you wouldn't know how many women rather just look past it because they don't want to do the separation part, they don't want to leave the man part because they so much in love with this person that they will look past all that evidence, all that woman intuition. Why even have it? Okay, and most women, you got to realize that if a person is doing this to you, do they truly love you? You gotta answer that shit. Do they really truly love you to hurt you? But there's a lot of y'all out there that knows it, feels it, get that woman interruption and say, I don't want to find out. Okay? What about the ones that have friends that comes and tells you, I saw your man, and their excuses is I need to see it with my own eyes. That's bullshit. That's bullshit. Okay? That's bullshit. She do not want to leave that man for whatever reason it may be that that, you know, maybe his job and his he covered all the bills and he's beautiful or he's just so fine. I don't know. Y'all, y'all tell me. But there's a lot of women that just say fuck it. Just because they don't want to do the separation part, okay? I know this girl, right? Man cheated on her. With this girl been having a relationship, I'm thinking maybe for two years or more. And her reasoning is I'm not gonna let that bitch have the shit that we build together. I refuse for that bitch to lay in that bed and enjoy anything. Come on, y'all. Is

Gather Proof Before You Confront

SPEAKER_01 23:00

that love? Do you you you listing items? Items. You're not saying because I love that man. You're not saying that I'm ready to die for this man. You're not you talking about the motherfucking items that y'all had achieved together, and I'm not gonna let that bitch have it too. So you rather be miserable for items. I don't understand that one. You got to tell me that one. Okay, so let's say your intuition is wrong. You done built all this evidence, did all your research, and you present it to him, and he shows you proof of something, and guess what? Ain't nothing you can do about it. I'm gonna tell you the one thing you should not do. You should never tell a man. Well, you shouldn't make me feel that way. The what your reactions is the reason why I think that way. Well, you shouldn't do those things to make me feel that way. Oh, that's an unselfish bitch. That's a selfish bitch. Think about what I'm telling you. Not unselfish, I'm sorry, but that is so selfish. The only thing you could do is be accountable, and when he comes in that door, you open your legs, you get on your knees, you fix that food, you do whatever you got to do, because bitch, you wrong. He got you. So that's why you always collect, collect, collect before you present. Because if you wrong, you got to make that up, baby. You got to shut your mouth, you gotta be quiet, you gotta get on your knees, you gotta do whatever it takes for this man to feel good again, man. You wrong. You know, take your blow and keep rolling with it. That's it. Okay, let's get back serious. All right, let's just say in the beginning of a relationship. You can't do much research. You you basically in the, you know, get to know a person mode in the beginning of relationship. So you're basically gonna believe any and everything that he tells you. Okay? Now, I'm not telling you to start researching then. I'm not telling you to start digging in the man shit and y'all been dating for fucking two days. That's not what I'm saying. When I'm saying when time done went by four months, five months, six months, and some of them things, them stories he've been telling you, some of them things he's been saying, is not intertwining with each other. Meaning like something is off because last week you said this, now this week you say something totally different. I mean, you just got crossed up in your lie. Then that's when you might have to bring out the Sherlock Holmes. You know what I mean? Maybe now, you know, whatever you got in in front of you, you will have to start doing a little more research on that part. Because, you know, a person that's gonna lie and do something different or cheat or or have more than one woman on the side, nine times out of ten, they will cross themselves up. You just have to pay attention to it, okay? Don't let that go. Now, like I said, you don't have much evidence, so you just keep on collecting. And don't just sit here and just keep falling in love with the lie. Don't don't just be happy to have a man that you finally go on out on a date and you could go and tell your girlfriends when y'all go have a drink or how fine he is. Don't just don't do that. Don't you do that? Only reason I'm letting you in is because I did this shit, right? When I dated multiple girls, guess what?

Fear Of Loss And Staying For “Items”

SPEAKER_01 26:30

I made a mistake and called one girl another girl's name. And guess what she did? She she looked at me funny, but she let it go. She looked at me like, my name ain't that person. Who the hell you been talking to? Like, I'm sorry, I got crossed up a little bit, you know. My my sister friend, her name is Shannon, and and I I, you know, I just got, you know, she was on my mind. I'm sorry. And you let it go. That's on you. You don't let that go. But ain't too much you could do. But at the time, you got to keep your eyes open. Let it go. But don't forget about it. Because as men, we're gonna keep fucking up. We're gonna keep throwing you that sign and you keep putting that shit in your memory bank. You just keep putting it in. And then once you got enough, most of y'all don't even have to say nothing. Don't even have to show the evidence. If the relationship is under the under a year, then you don't need no explanation. You don't need no closure. All you need to do is just tell a guy, hey, this ain't gonna work. You don't even got to worry about all the hard shit. Just say, look, you know, I think that, you know, me and you need to, you know, go our separate ways. You do you, uh you do me. You don't need nothing. But if you've been gone two or three years, then you need some closure. Well, you put all that evidence that you got in in your memory bank, you bring it out and you show and you show and show. Okay? Nine times out of ten, you're gonna be right, okay? The one thing that I'm always stressed throughout this podcast, especially to women, the one thing that I believe that some of y'all are missing, and that y'all need to learn to love yourself. I know you heard the statement you gotta love yourself before you love somebody else. Believe me, how true that is. Because once you find that power to love yourself, leaving a man ain't shit, you know, you have to put that stamp on it. That you got to put that stamp on yourself. Because the problem is, is that if you go into any relationship, any relationship, if you go in loving the man more than you love yourself, you open yourself up to be abused. And you got to start blaming yourself on that one, okay? We I talk about that in in another podcast, but more and more and more that I find women that just don't love themselves, they love the man more than they love themselves, okay? You got to get to a point first before dating that how much I love myself. And one thing about a man, ladies, we love ourselves, goddammit. We we we'll put on clothes and take a bath and put our cologne on. We don't do that shit for nothing. We love ourselves, okay? All right, and we ain't gonna let nobody fuck over us. Look, we'll die over respect. You know, we don't even have to love you. But if a man, think about what I'm about to tell you. We don't even have to love you, but no man should disrespect you when you in my presence. Why? Because that's a disrespect to me, because I love myself, meaning you tried me. Now, if he were to curse you out outside of not being around me, might be a different story. But cursing you out when I'm there, that's disrespectful to me. The reason why I'ma fight this man because I love myself, and motherfucker, you ain't gonna disrespect me like that. It don't got nothing to do with you. It don't. Okay. Now, if you've been in a relationship for a long time, over a year, see, dating in the beginning is harder to figure shit out than you've been with somebody two, three, four,

When You’re Wrong: Accountability

SPEAKER_01 30:10

five, and plus years. Because figuring somebody out, that's the that that's pretty hard, okay? Now, if you already in a relationship, like I said, those four, five plus years, it's easier to determine if something done change. It's easier. So your research should always be in effect if something changed. Because you know the person you with. You don't got to know this person. You learn how to leave the bathroom door open with this person. You know, you could talk while you're sitting on the toilet with this person and be talking on the other side of the door. You know, some of y'all leave the door open. What I'm saying is, you know this people, you know this person, okay? And if something changed, you can't let that shit go. Okay, you got to figure this part out because all you're doing is setting yourself up for failure in the long run. And I'm always do this. Look, I'll always say this, okay? Why waste so many years with the wrong person when the right person is out there waiting for you? Because if you let shit go and you just let it go for years, you're missing out on the person that's really meant and truly there for you, that that really needs you and be happy, but you wasting countless years with a person you know ain't no good. Let's not do that. Let's not do that because you're scared of change. I get it. Once you get used to somebody who wants to start over again. You know what I mean? I I get it. But we have to because the person out there, now look, if you know you've been a weakling and you you just been misused, don't jump in nothing else until you start loving yourself again. Once you started loving yourself, finding that person you used to be before the man damaged your heart, you got to find that person before you enter any other relationship, okay? And that's for the ones that been, like I say, four, five plus years together and got done done been accustomed and getting out dating again, that shit hold. But don't get out there if you got to find, you got to find yourself again. We'll talk about that again, too, in previous in future podcasts. I like to bring up a movie. Basic Inkstinke is the name of the movie. It was made in 1992 as a thriller. And look, Sharon Stone plays in this as a writer, right? And she was dating this rock star, and he wound up coming up dead, and this investigator had to investigate the murder. He was a detective and had to investigate the murder. But somehow, somehow, she seduced him in a sexual relationship, and then everything started to spiral out of control. I'm not going to tell you much more because it's a great movie that you, if you didn't see it, you could go and watch it. But

Early Dating vs Long-Term Patterns

SPEAKER_01 33:00

if you did see it, maybe you want to re-watch it. You know what I mean? So check that movie out, alright? Okay. I know some of the things that I'm saying could be tough, okay? I do know that sometimes women might not act on their intuition because they doubt themselves. Or because they are worried about others might think of them. They're also people that just feel like they got this little social circle and they don't want to be that person. They don't want to be the one in the group with that problem. And so they just let it go. When all reality is, if you are part of a group that, you know, couples group, and you really got some good girlfriends on your side, you could tell when you got some really good girlfriends. Because if they only there when you're having a good time, I mean, maybe they they not your true friend. Because true friends is there during the bad time that get you over that hump. So I know that it's tough. I get it, you know, but at the same time, you know, you gotta circle yourself around people that love you to get you over that, all right? Because more the more you stay into something that's not gonna work, well, you're missing out with spending time with your perfect fit. Now, look, I'm not saying you always have to break up with a person after you catch them. And I look, and I don't want, I know I uh it seemed like I brought up only cheating. I I I I did, but I'm talking about more than just cheating, y'all. I'm talking about if somebody got money issues, you know, somebody that just completely just lying about any and everything. You know, people just just, you know, finance break up a lot of relationships. So I'm not just want to relate to this as on cheating. And I'm not saying this, y'all. For example, if a person cheat or have money issue or any other problem that you dislike and they decide that they want to go to counseling, well, you got to give that a chance. But most men don't want to go to counseling, most men don't want to see a therapist, okay? And but if a man decides that he does, well, maybe there's something there. Maybe that is something. And he agreed to that, yeah, yeah, you got to give that a shot. Now listen, I say a shot. That don't mean that once y'all get out of therapy, that he goes and cheat all over again or have that same issue all over again, that you keep doing it one time, two time, three times, and you keep forgiving and forgiving because now he done found out. If I just go to therapy, she'll forgive me. And and I just open up my heart. Well, you gotta, you got at one point you got to let it go. And for the married couples, it's hard, ain't it? You sat up there on your wedding day, all these people that you invited to your wedding came and see you take your vows, okay? You got, you know, the preacher got there and he read the sermon out, and you say it I do, he said I do, you know, to let that go, you know, in God's eyes. You know, I'm trying all I can because I say once I get married, I will try my hardest with my husband and I'll be a forgiving woman. And, you know, yeah, you too. Sometimes, you know, you cannot sit there in something just because you want to use the excuse that I got married under God's eyes, and it's for me to do everything it takes to save my marriage. Come on, man. Come on. That means you're gonna sit there and get your ass whooped if he punched you in your eye. You just gonna keep trying? Is you gonna keep trying every time you walk down the stairs, you see him passed out on the sofa because he got he passed out because of alcohol, and then he gets drunk and beat up on you. You gonna just do that? Come on now. Come on. Sometimes, bruh, we can't keep using these fucking excuses and think that it's okay that people are gonna look at you like, oh, yeah, she just trying to save her marriage. Bitch, you stupid. Okay? You got to find your perfect fit no matter what. If that if you got married and he ain't the one, you gotta let it go. Let it go. Okay? You got to, okay? You cannot, all you doing is starting a goddamn pattern that if he hits you and you forgives that and he comes back and do it all over again, it's your fault, baby. It's your fault

Love Yourself First Or Get Hurt

SPEAKER_01 37:20

now because you done started a pattern. Why not whoop your ass when all you're gonna do is forgive him later on? Okay, that's another podcast, too. We'll talk about that too, okay? I want to stay on the subject of basic instinct, woman intuition, okay? All this stuff that y'all do and have that man's don't have. Well, like I say, women are smarter than men. And fellas, I know what you're saying. You keep saying that women are smarter than men. Look, I'm not talking about books small. It is a guarantee that we put the world on our back to go out and work, to come back and put food on the table for our family. We've been doing that for years. And it's yes, it's true that man runs the world, that most scientists and doctors are men, okay? I do understand that. But God gave women something totally different. They strength is totally different than men, okay? The minstrels having babies, you know, they got that calm spirit that could control the man in a certain way that we don't understand. You know, most of our feelings, most of our ability to go out and carry that weight on our world, that strength comes from women. Some way, somehow, God figured it out. He put a woman here to make sure that our spirits will stay up and go out and do those things, you know. So most of our feeling and control of our self-being and want to be motivated come from women. Think about it. That's the strength that they hold and possess, okay? That's what I mean. All right? Okay. I can see that this episode is getting a little lengthy. So I like to say this before I end this podcast. Yesterday I was watching Murray, and they had a girl on the stage saying that she found underwear in her car, she found a bra in her room. His shirt had lipstick on, and his draw smelt like tuna fish. And I want to ask the question if all that that you done found, why is you on this show? What did it a hell you need to be on this show for? You know why she's on the show? Because after all that evidence, she still can't let him go. After all this evidence that she has, she cannot let this man. Go. So she got to go on the mirror show in front of millions of people for this man to take a lie detector test before she can finally say, Hey, he ain't no good. But guess what? Nine times out of ten, if a man done got away with all that, even though he took that lie detector test and she knows the truth now. What's the chances y'all think that she's really gonna separate with this guy? Think about what I'm saying. Why did you find all this evidence? And now after the lie detector test, you don't really got your proof that you really feel like I'm gonna let this man go now. Now time in the 10 is not gonna happen. They're gonna go home. He's gonna say his little piece, he's gonna say I'm sorry, it's never gonna happen again. And the time, what you're not realizing is that he is so devious,

Knowing Your Partner And Spotting Change

SPEAKER_01 41:01

such a liar, that he would take it as far to go to the Murray show, to take the lie detector test, even though he's no he's lying, but he's gonna still take this test to make you to make you feel better that he he's gonna fail the motherfucker. Yo? This is what I mean about doing what's right, doing what's smart, doing the right thing that's hanging in there sometimes is not gonna matter. You build something. This man went there on that merit, know he's gonna fail that test, go back home, say, baby, I'm sorry. You're gonna say, okay, and then guess what? You building a damn pattern. That's my next episode. Stop building pattern. Okay? Because then you go around here wondering why why he just didn't leave. Come on, man. You had all the evidence before you even got to the murder. But you in love, so much in love with this man, that when you found out the truth, because you was that you got one little glimpse, hope that he's telling the truth. After all this evidence, you hold on to this glimpse that maybe he's telling the truth after all this. After all this. Think about it, okay? Alright. We're gonna go ahead and we're gonna continue some of this in the next episode, okay? But let's get this one over with, put this one out, and look, God bless y'all, all right? Come back to the next episode. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 42:44

They told you love's a fairy tale, a dream you got a chase. A night in shiny armor, riding in to save the day. But real love ain't no rescue, it ain't a perfect scene. It's finding someone solid. Who don't make you feel unseen, tired of waving on a wish, tired of hoping for a fix. Ain't nobody flawless, but someone's gotta fit. The truth about it all. You don't need a hero, just someone who stands tall. Someone who don't ghost when the rain starts to fall. Someone who shows up, no fairy tales at all. Stop trusting up your heart, just to make somebody stay. If they can't meet your needs, then baby, walk away. Nothing about the magic, it's about the day today. Who's gonna hold you up when the sky fades to gray? Out of waving on the lift, out of hoping for a fit. Ain't nobody falling, but someone's gotta fear the truth about it all. You don't need a hell, just someone who stands tall. Someone who don't ghost when no rain starts to fall. Someone who shows up, no fairy tables at all. No more castles built on sand, no more hands that let you slip. Find a love that don't demand, but still gives you what you give. The truth about it all. You don't need a hero, just someone who wants to. Someone real, someone true, someone who chooses you. No fairy tales, just love that follows through.