PARDON MY PATTERN

We face a hard truth about loss, regret, and the patterns that cost us the chance to say “I’m sorry.” Then we break down how small passes turn into big problems in love, and why boundaries taught early save pain later.

• D’s passing and the weight of unsaid words
• letting go of petty grudges to protect real bonds
• moving in with Nicole and running two lives
• photo albums, old flames, and brewing insecurity
• choosing cleaner language to grow the show
• patterns in relationships and why consequences teach
• holding firm boundaries without fear or games
• choosing fit over looks for lasting love
• closing reflections and next topic tease

Transcript

Opening And Holiday Context

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey everyone. Thank y'all for coming back to my podcast, The Truth About It All, with your boy Ken Johnson. Okay. Let me say happy holidays to everyone and happy New Year's. I normally don't say that. I normally don't say holidays in my podcast because sometimes some people will start my podcast late and it'd be in the middle of June, and I'm talking about Happy Holiday on my podcast. So I hate to put it in there, and I probably won't do it

Remembering D And Sudden Loss

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much. But this time I really had to do it because this 2025 hit me hard, y'all. It really did, man. Really took a special person from me. You know, I lost my homeboy, Demetrius Wilburne. Nobody called him Demetrius Wilburne. That was his government name. Everybody that knew him, love him, that was from the neighborhood, we just called him D. That's it. D. And everybody knew who you were talking about as long as you say that name. See, he was a special one to me. See, he helped me get over a bad breakup, okay? When I broke up with my girl, he was there. I mean, he practically, no, I ain't gonna say practically, he moved into my apartment and got me over that hump. I was in a real bad place at that time when I lost my girl. You know, it it went, it was hard, it was a bad breakup, real bad, okay? I, you know, there's something that I would talk about in my podcast. That's why I don't want to mention it right now. But anyway, he got me over it, okay? And then from there, you know, we got so close is that I couldn't even say, I'm going to Walmart. He was in the car with me. I couldn't, I remember one time I was on my way to Dallas, me and my mom to go visit my brother. Well, guess what? He jumped in the car with me, you know, and went went with me. I'm just saying, man, it just he wanted those special ones to me. What I believe happened to him is like it happened like right after Thanksgiving. Now he had some health issues. And I I know him. He probably went from house to house to house, eating everything that he could put his hand on. That Sunday after Thanksgiving, I didn't have my boy no more, man. This shit hurt. When I got that phone call, it fucking hurt. And the way I received that call was from his oldest brother. No, no, the younger brother called me from his phone. So I was thinking that it was him calling me, right? But no, it was his younger brother. And look, I answered the phone like nothing was wrong. Let me explain. Let me explain. Well, like brothers, me and him was going through some shit, right? So I didn't talk to him for like two or three weeks. And I just want to go in depth of our our our spaz with each other because I think that it got a lot to do with this podcast um subject today. So me and him, he was he was tight, y'all. He he was really tight, right? He he didn't like to spend money, but he liked for you to spend your money. He didn't like to spend his own money. If he could get something for free, it was the best way for him, okay? Now I remember we've been knowing each other for a long time. So, but this one particular time, we all went to Hooters, me and about four other people, right? And we didn't care about what people ordered. That just ordered. Give me 50 wings, give me crab legs, just give me everything and put on the table, okay? And so he was there enjoying himself. I really wasn't paying too much attention to him, what he was eating or what he was drinking. Nobody cared. But when the bill came, we all decided that we was going to break it up, I think, four to five different ways, so it won't be too much on one person. You know how it goes. So when the bill came, we all calculating and shit on how much every one of us have to spend. Well, D decided to chime in and go, man, I don't see why I need to split anything up four or five ways when I only had water and two wings. And I say, man, it's not the point. We're not worrying about what people air. I hope everybody had a good time. If you just wanted two wings and some water, did you have a good time? That's on, you know, that's on you, you know. So, but he kept just saying it like he didn't want to split it. And man, it kind of pissed me off, so I kind of paid his way too. I was like, you know what, man, just just don't don't give up nothing, man. Don't give me nothing. Just just tell me and I pay his too. You know, and it's kind of made me mad, y'all. And I just I just stormed out that place. And I when he tried to call me, I didn't answer. Tried to text me, I didn't answer. I just, man, all of a sudden, I did send a text back two days later saying, man, look, man, don't don't text me, don't call me. I was really pissed. I really was because man, it just I just got fed up with it, okay?

The Hooters Bill And A Pattern Of Taking

SPEAKER_01 5:20

But in all reality, I should have never got mad with him because I knew who he was. I should have never got mad because he'd been like that for so long. And he's been getting away with it so long that it started a pattern. So when he started to do it, it's like it's like we should know it's coming. But this particular time, I don't know, man. I just got fucking pissed, okay? Now, the lesson is we like brothers, okay? So that means we, this ain't the first time that me and him had little issues. I mean, come on, man. Everybody in your family, you love somebody, you're gonna have an issue. So me and him, every once in a while had an issue, might not talk to each other for a couple of weeks, and but we'll find each other right back. One of us was called one, you know, and just say, you know what, I miss my boy. Let me call him. And man, we'll get we'll pick up the phone and talk to each other like nothing happened. But this time, y'all, this time I couldn't find my way back to my boy. He passed away while we was not talking to each other. He passed away and I couldn't say, man, screw it, who cares? Because right now, I don't give a care about what he did at Hooters. I just want my boy back. So to you out there listening, listen to what I'm saying. If something is so little as that, so little, let it go. Because right now, I can't tell my boy, man, I'm sorry for for being so mad, telling you not to call me, not texting you back. Because that's all I want to do right now is call him. I can't even, I can't even take his his his phone number out of my contact because some way, somehow, I just can't make myself delete it. So if you're listening and you got a friend out there, loved one out there, mama, daddy, if you just think about it, maybe that stuff is just not worth fighting over. And listen what I'm saying. If even if you think that you the right one, saying those little words, hey man, it's on me. I'm sorry. I love you. These are words and they come out your mouth for free. Do not, do not lose precious ones without explaining and telling them how much you love them. I can't tell my boy. I can't pick up the phone and call my boy. I can't say, dog, I love you, man. So at the funeral, I couldn't get up and view the body because I want to remember him the way he was. And look, yes, yes, throughout our whole time, I carried him most of the time. Meaning if I had to pay his way, I carried him the majority of the time. And why I shouldn't have gotten mad is because I created that pattern, okay? So at the funeral, I had to carry him one more time. I carried him all the way to the hearse with tears in my eyes, and one regret that I had enough time to say, dude, I love you before this

Regret, Grief, And The Words Left Unsaid

SPEAKER_01 9:05

happened. Okay? So take these words, listen what I'm saying, okay? All right, let's get to the podcast. Like I left off saying in the last podcast, me and Nikki, we moved in together. And at first it was just some, I guess normal for a few months that we moved in together because everything was pretty hectic, you know, like trying to get furniture, trying to, you know, get things organized, you know, and that took a few months for us to really get settled in at this apartment. Even though she'd been staying there way before me. Like I said, that was a mom apartment. So she was already staying there. So, but for me to get in and fit in and get my stuff organized took a few months, okay? Now, Nicole already had a job. Nicole always was on her shit. She was more responsible than me, right? I still wanted to play. But Nicole was already on that serious tip. She was like on that, like she was ready to start a family, ready to, you know, to be on that serious path to the future. I don't think I was there yet, y'all. I don't think I was there. But she was. So Nicole had this job. She was a nursing assistant at an old folks' home, you know, and she was just be she was just a CNA where she helped change, bath, and assist the nurses there. Okay, so she was already on point. She was already the breadwinner, if you ask me. Okay. Now, I would drop her off at work and I would tell her, I'm going to fill out applications and find a job. I ain't, I might have filled by one or two fucking applications out, but I played around the whole fucking time. I went back to the neighborhood, started, you know, hanging with my boys, and but I I knew for a fact that I needed to make some money to show her that I I could still hold my own. So, you know, I tried selling rocks for a little bit, y'all. I I went ahead, man, and since I'm in the neighborhood, and the neighborhood was a hot spot, okay? Anything you wanted from these crackheads, goddammit, you you could get it. You know, crackheads came up and down our street like it was like it was crazy. Third and Taylor made a name for themselves for that crack sale, right? So I went ahead and I tried it, man. You know, $20, $30. I was never no big timer. I just never was. So I was getting little, you know, and break them down, you know. Uh I'm not I'm I'm not gonna tell you I know everything about the quality of fucking crack, but at the time, you know, $20, $30 might made about $150 a day. Now during that time, that was pretty good. I was showing her I was doing something, making some money. You know, she would ask me, hey, where this money come from, right? And I'd be like, Well, I've taken odds and end jobs, you know, with this construction company, and she never knew. I lied to her, but you know, it wasn't nothing, no, no, nothing big, okay? But my crack days

Moving In With Nicole And Dual Lives

SPEAKER_01 12:11

didn't last long, you know. Man, I was seeing them jump out boys. That's what they used to call them cops back then that jump out on you. We call them jump out boys. Man, I see them come and get them boys and they go to jail, and next thing you know, they come back on the block. I mean, uh man, I love my freedom. So man, I couldn't just continue to start doing that, going down that wrong path, because man, I just couldn't see myself locked up in jail. I wasn't that type of nigga to just give up my freedom and and and and so I had to make a change, and I did. I went to the fucking thing I know the best. And what is that, yo? Women. Right? It's like my life on my street, in my neighborhood, of what I mean, on Third and Taylor, was separate from my life with Nicole living at an apartment on Independence Street. Now, it's it's like light, light and day, y'all. It's like night and day. Because over on Independence Street, that was like white people over there. Over here on Third and Taylor, that was black people. That's my boy at the hood. So it felt like that I had two different lives. So when I was on Third and Taylor, you know, it it felt like, okay, I'm with my people, I'm doing my thing, I'm I'm making a little money. I see women, you know, I got a little girl over here, got a little chick over there. And I'm not going to say like Third and Taylor was just a street. It was a fucking Third and Taylor was a area. Yes, Third and Taylor is a street. It's a street that's stalled on Third Street, and the name of the other street is Taylor Street. So on that block, we call it Third and Taylor, but it was a fucking area that was consumed in with a place called the Dump. And it the area might have been like a let's say a five-mile area around that street that that was my neighborhood, right? So in that neighborhood, there was Popeye's, there was McDonald's, there were Church's Chicken. It was a bunch of uh establishments in that one little area. And we, you know, since you know, growing up there, you you come to know mainly everybody's there. So yeah, I had I had started making my own pure entertainment. And what I'm trying to say is, I don't care if you I went to Popeye's, I went to McDonald's, if I went to Swagman was a grocery store that we had back then. If I went to any one of them, I had a girl there. I had someone that I probably was sweet on or they were sweet on me, and I would get shit free. If I go pulled up at Popeye Free Chicken, if I go pull up at this gas station at the time was called Time Savers. It used to be big like 7-Eleven, but now, you know, it was Time Savers. I got free gas, sometimes free cigarettes out of there. So I had my little booze scattered around and stuff like that. So every time like when Nicole would go to work, I would take her call and I go do part two of me, if you know what I mean. Wait, wait, let me clarify something. Yes, I kept the two apart from each other as much as I can. Did Nicole go on third and tailor? Yes. Did Nicole go there all the time? No. I kind of kept it at a minimum. Anytime that she would go there, it was like almost like if my grandmother was having uh a cookout or we was having a get together, and and like I say, people knew of her. Nicole was not a secret. She was just someone that didn't know everything. And when she came around, if if if a girl that I was, you know, doing something with would pass by, they knew that go that white girl, you know, and they just keep on walking. Or they'll come and talk to me, hey, some of them be a little messy, but never got popped out and went out went out of hand, okay? And I would like to bring up, I think that was one of the beginnings of our problems. Like when Nicole would come by my grandma, my grandma always kept these photo albums. I mean ten at a time, this with a bunch of photos in it. And one time we was there at my grandmother, and Nicole started like just flip through them, just flip through them. I never knew, you know, what's, you know, because I never really looked at all that, you know. It was some stuff like from people that passed away before I was even alive, you know, aunt this, uncle that, you know, this person died of that. So Nicole started to flip through them, and that was some of my pictures, like my prime pictures, you know, school pictures. And Nicole saw some of the girls. Now, the number one that she saw was Tori. She saw the picture of me and Tori at the prime. And she was like, oh, she's beautiful. You know how girls are, you know, oh, she's beautiful. I'm like, oh yeah, yeah, she alright. You know, trying to play it all, but you know, Nicole couldn't touch Tori. Not with a 10-foot pull when it came to looks and body, and you know, it she just couldn't do it. Yeah, I try to make her feel like, you know, it wasn't no big deal. But I did think that she kind of felt like, what are he doing with me type of thing, you know? But she we never talked about that, but it kind of felt like that. So Dak started causing a little problem, I believe, in our relationship. Okay. So I'm gonna stop that one there, and I'm gonna continue some more on the next

Street Hustle, Jump-Out Boys, And Quitting

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episodes. Okay, let's get this podcast started.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

They told you love the fairy tale, a dream you got to chase, and I got it on the ride in to save the taste. It ain't a perfect seat. It's fine, it's so it's all it's you don't think, I don't think it's before we get started.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

You know, I get too many comments that I use the P word too much. One came from my son. Like, my son came to visit, he lived in Fort Myers, Florida, and he he had to take that road trip about 12 hours. So he put on the podcast with his girl, and he was just like, Dad, you use the P word a whole lot. And I have to say I do, I get it. So in 2026, I'm I'm gonna tune it down, y'all, because I also had I think I mentioned this that people told me that they can't really play it in the office. So I'm gonna start using that P word, like, you know, I might just say P-word, or I might not even say it or the Gushy or something. Something or sweet loving. I don't know. I figured it out, pertain on what I'm saying. And I know I I have some people in my chat telling me, man, you already told them people and that, you know, how you was gonna be, how you were gonna speak, you gonna just be yourself and speak to yourself. Yeah, I know. And I shouldn't have to make a change because I did elaborate to everybody, I'm gonna be me in this podcast. But I'm growing a little bit, y'all. I'm getting a I'm growing, and and look, I'm not gonna grow no more if I if I can't reach out other people with with different aspects. You know what I mean? I would like to keep growing this and growing it and growing it. So I need to pull in new new people. So you know, y'all, we can't all stay the same. We got to grow up sometime too. And if I want to pull in another area of people to listen to my podcast, I gotta start making a little change on it. It's still gonna be me, y'all. I'm just not, I'm gonna try to tune out all that, you know, the that that that P stuff, you know, and and and F stuff. And you know what I mean? See, I'm starting already. It's strange, rolling it off my tongue, you know. It's just strange right now, you know. But I still feel like me, y'all, okay? Let's get to this podcast, man. I like to go back to the previous episode Basic Instinct and kind of piggyback off of that. And look, I'm just only talking to the ladies when it comes to this, okay? Let's say that gut feeling, that instinct, everything that you had come into intuition. You found him dead wrong. And you only thing you do is cry for a couple of two days, run your mouth a little bit, and you don't forgave him. See, what I'm trying to say is you're messing it up. I almost say effing it up, but you you messing it up. You you you are. Look, take this from a man, okay? If you don't punish us, we do not learn nothing from it. Only thing that you do when you do that is start a pattern, okay? That pattern is all she's gonna do is Run her mouth for a couple of days and I'ma have to bring her flowers. And she's gonna be alright. Well, that don't tell us nothing. That we don't learn nothing from that at all. Look, let me tell you an example with me and my wife today. When we first met, you know, I wanted to do that typical man stuff. You cook, you clean, you do whatever I say, do, and we gonna be okay. And I went out and party with my friends, then come back home to two, three, four

Two Worlds: Independence Street Vs Third And Taylor

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in the morning. And next thing you know, I did about a good six months of that shit. Guess what? I come home one day, my girl gone. My wife went back to Mobile, Alabama. And when I called her, she didn't answer, she ain't do nothing. It took me damn near three weeks to get her back to my house. This was before we were married. It took me three weeks to get her to come back to Louisiana and come back to the house. And you know what that taught me? Right then and there, she's not gonna play with me. She is not gonna go that deep with me. I don't know what happened in her past, but I saw she probably saw something in me that she saw before, and she said, you know what? I'm not gonna stand for it, not this time. Hell no. And guess what? We never separated after that. Because you know what happened? She taught me that she's not gonna be treated that way. So, ladies, what I'm saying is, if you keep doing this continuous pattern with these guys, you're not gonna get what you want. You're gonna keep getting what you get because he's not learning nothing because you don't punish them. Listen what I'm saying. You don't punish them. And look, I know what you're saying. Well, I don't want to go too hard because, you know, he might go to the other girl, baby. He's gonna go there anyway. Think about it. First of all, a man that goes out, do what he wants to do. Let's just say even cheat, but he dropped that one for you once he gets busted. It's still it's still some hope there. Because he could have just left with the other girl. But no, he came back to you. But guess what? If you don't punish him, he's gonna go to the next one. Maybe not that same one, but he'll go to the next one because he haven't learned no lesson. You ain't do what you're supposed to do. Okay? Let's just say my girl that I know, a friend of mine's, okay? She always used to say, Ken, why he keep doing this? I say, look, what you're gonna have to do is give him what you're giving him. And I'm not telling you to go out here and cheat. I'm not telling you to live around here and find a man for company. I'm no, no, no, that's not what I'm saying. But go by your mama's house and don't come back home until three in the morning. Don't go by a friend and just do, you know, girls' night while a friend, don't tell him what you're doing. Just come back home two or three in the night and see how he likes it. You know why most women won't do it, y'all? Because they don't like the punishment that the man gonna give them. The man, see, see, women, y'all figure that y'all can't do the same thing a man could do, meaning that if he go and do it to me, and if I give it back to him, he's gonna say that I'm sleeping with somebody else. Oh well. Oh well, if that's what you want to think, you know that's what you think. But see, once you start giving in, you you effing up. You're effing up. And I'm just telling you, you need to go ahead and punish him. If he goes out, well, I'm going out too. Well, he comes home for two, well, I'm coming home for two. Just drive past the house. If his car ain't there, you keep on going. Find something to do. Go to a burger place, go at a bar, drink a drink or something. Do whatever you could do, but don't come home till after him and watch how it works. Because he's once you've realized and he realized you're not gonna be standing and putting up with that, guess what? A change is coming. But if you don't, if it's only two or three days, you just run your mouth, and then he does it again, you just run your mouth, he gives you kisses, bring you flowers, and everything is okay, he's gonna do it again and again, and again. Why? Because you weak. He already look, it ain't me saying it, that's him saying it. You are weak. And that's what he's saying every time he does it two or three times. When you get two or three time violators that does the same thing over and over, and you ask yourself why, baby, it's you. You why? Because you won't get him nothing that that frightens him. Something that makes him think to say, okay, if I do it, she's just gonna do it. And look, men, they don't want to tell you this. We don't want nobody, we don't even want to thank somebody else hitting what we we hitting. That

Photo Albums, Tori, And Insecurity Seeds

SPEAKER_01 27:10

you belong only to me. But hey, I'm gonna go out in these streets and I'm gonna be with everybody else. See, when you start throwing that other um pill out there, and then he says, Well, guess what? I'm leaving. And then and you break down, no, no, don't leave, don't leave. He got you. He got you. Let him leave. Let him go. Because look, I know what you're afraid of. He might not come back. Well, he guess what? You wasn't worth it from the beginning then. Right? You was not worth it. Let me tell you something. When a man chases you for two or three weeks or more, saying, I'm sorry, please, please, please, come on. He look, he look, he loves you. He effed up. That's all it was. He effed up. Now, I'm not saying don't do the don't don't don't keep letting him do it because it ain't gonna build nothing. I advise you to give it at least a month or two to let him hurt, let him punish. Because look, don't get me wrong, some man's will stay in the fight just to see can he get you back. And some of them will do that. Some of them will will, you know, because we love what we can't have. But you know, some of us don't put it in a game saying you ain't stronger than me. I'm you I'm gonna break you down and you're gonna take me back. And then once you get back, guess what? They do it all over again. But see, that's that time, next time, you gotta have to make a decision. You're gonna have to make a harsh, harsh decision. Because what you don't do is waste your life on someone that don't think you're worth it. You can't do it. Right now, fellas, you can't play that the same way. Because the thing of it is with a woman, there's too many piranhas out there attacking. You ain't gonna never be the best man. I understand what you're saying. I understand you might have a big old whatever, and and and your money is stacked up to the ceiling, but you ain't there's always someone better than you. Guess what? What I found out is in the time I was messing with women, there's something in them that if I had money, if I had the biggest whatever, hoo-ha or whatever, there's something else that I'm not touching. There's something else that I'm not touching in her realm. You know what I mean? Meaning that I might not be so sensitive. I might not see her hair color. It's something that I'm gonna be missing because all man's, y'all ain't perfect. You know, we ain't perfect. So we we we ain't gonna be a total package, but there's gonna be a dime wine out there that's gonna work on something that you ain't got. So your stuff has to be tight. You can't go around just messing up, messing up and thinking that it's just gonna work out. It just can't. Okay? Now, if you got a girl that's doing you what most guys would do, I think you should leave that alone right away. I think you're gonna be chasing the cat for a long time. You're gonna be it's sometimes that, you know, men's, we gotta look at women a little different. Because women, if if if if you go in with a woman that's, you know, got a name for herself, you know, want to hit the streets, I don't think that's gonna change. I uh I mean, I'm not saying you can't, but it's gonna take a lot of schooling and a lot of work. And if you're down for that type of work, then okay. Okay, ladies, let me narrow this down a little bit. And see, the topic that I'm on is pattern. And when you only way to stop a pattern is

Language Clean-Up And Growing The Show

SPEAKER_01 31:00

to stop it in the beginning. See, the beginning of a relationship is where the training goes in on men and women. We in the beginning is showing people or teaching the one you dating is what you're gonna stand for and what you're not. Once you get that definition, that's my man, that's my girl, then the learning starts. So the beginning is the staple of the relationship. That's what everyone needs to know. Down. You don't know this person. This is what I mean. I know he's cute, I know he's tall and handsome. I get it. You know, he's dark skinny, he's bright skinny, he's white, you know, he got good hair. I understand what you're saying, but you can't fall in love with appearance, y'all. That's it when a lot of you mess up. Maybe I'm gonna make that a topic next time. The appearance, but I think I did that. I tapped on that before. You cannot go for Instagram famous, you just can't do it. Put in the mind frame, no matter, you know, the looks or whatever, is that I can't let him treat me a certain way just because the way he look, and I and I would like to make this work. You cannot lay around here, fellas, and say, okay, she got a big butt and big breast that I want to try to, you know, make it work. And whatever I hate today, I was trying to change tomorrow. Well, what you got to do for sure is start it training how you want to be re-respected, how you wanted to be treated on both sides. See, it doesn't matter what what what your girlfriend or your boy like, it's what you like. That's the perfect fit. Think about what I'm saying. See, once you start to say, okay, and in the definition of this, I'm not gonna stand for this. And guess what? Look, I'm sorry, this is who I can't do this. If you want to date me, we're gonna you're gonna have to, you know, and once you start getting there and you in you six months to a year in, and then the hiccups come because, baby, we got to know that the first year of dating, that's not the true person you with. That person is auditioning. We all said it before, that's an audition. So after about a year of training and teaching, and then someone steps out of that teaching, you got to punish them. You got to punish them, okay? Because, bruh, it's like coming home with a new dog, right? That dog ain't gonna obey you at first. That dog gonna want to piss and sh and poop on about to mess up, gonna wanna pee and poop on your carpet, okay? And you got to train them not to do that. And guess what? Once you train them and that dog going outside and he makes one incident later on, a year of training, and he makes one incident inside your house, what are you gonna

Patterns In Relationships And Real Consequences

SPEAKER_01 34:10

do? You're gonna punish him. You're gonna punish him. And look, all I'm saying is that that dog is gonna think next time before he even thinks about it. I bet not do this. I bet not, because my owner is gonna really get on me. You know, my dog know the way I do my tone, my dog go running into his cage before I can even say go to your cage. Why could they they know they know they did wrong? You have to make an adjustment. You have to make the adjustment. I know you're gonna let a little things get away when you first meet someone. I get it. But please don't let it go too long till you start regretting, and because now you've done built this up yourself. And then you want to go and be like, I don't know why he's doing this. Well, I don't know why she's doing this. Well, you know why. It's because you let it go on for too long without punishing him. That's all I'm saying, okay? I want to talk about a dark side of one of my friends went through and the pattern that she started. Well, she dated this guy maybe for like almost a year and a half. I guess she considered that it was a perfect relationship, okay? And one day he lost his job and came home. And I don't know, maybe he didn't get what he expected out of her by losing his job. And instead of taking his anger out at whoever at work fired him, he comes home and he hits her. And it was a lear hit. I think it was just like a little slap. Uh-uh. Look, I understand, you know, one uh there's no a hit is a hit. I I I get that, but I'm just telling this story like this, okay? It was just a slap, okay? And she comes up and she tells me, and I want to kill his ass, right? And she but she tells me, wait, wait, Ken, no, he was just frustrated. I don't believe that's him. And he wound up taking it out on me. So please just don't say nothing. Don't, don't, don't get in the middle of it. And I'm like, if that's what you want, you know, I'll do anything for you. So just just to say that that never stopped. That one little hit started a pattern. And by her not leaving, now see, this is what I'm saying. A man should never hit a woman. Ladies, listen, what I'm saying. If a man hits your ass, break away as fast as you can. But in this situation here, what I'm just saying is that she stayed, and that said to him that I could smack her, and she's still gonna be right here by my side. Okay. So we all know where this story is gonna go. She started a pattern to where he just hits her and it became worse throughout time. And for her, and when I talk to her, be like, why do you deal with this bullshit, right? And she's like, you know, making excuses up for him and and saying that, you know, God wants me to, you know, stay in this marriage because divorce is is evil and that's the devil. And I always said if I got married that that I was not gonna ever leave, and you know, that's bullshit, cracker bullshit, man. How in the F that you can have something like that rolled out of your mouth, okay? Now, that situation got real ugly. I stepped in, other people stepped in, she went back, you know, it's just a bunch of foolishness that went on. But at the same time, I'm putting myself in danger for her who started the pattern that started it, okay? Now, let's say, once again, hitting a man hitting a woman should never be. But let's just say on that first initial smack, she left. Went to her mama's, went to whoever home, a friend home or whatever, and just left. And that man begged and begged and begged, not for one day, not for three days, for a couple of months, and you decided to go back, maybe, just maybe, he knows he couldn't pull that shit off now one more time. Or you ain't coming back next time. Just maybe. Think about it. But if she just she did what she did by letting it go, it started a that damn pattern, and then the next day it just got worse. And then other people get involved and stuff like that. You know what I mean? So think about it. Don't do it, don't let an ugly pattern start. It don't have to be a hit, it could just be a cheating. And to me, mental abuse, all abuses is abuse. Mental, verbally, it's abuse. And if you let it happen and keep letting it happen, well, stop blaming a man. That's all I want you to do. Stop blaming that it's his fault, baby. It's yours because you let it happen so many times that the pattern was just kicked off that way. So sometimes you got to look in that mirror and start start blaming who is involved and who the fault is. Just let me say this in closing. Okay? I know he's handsome. I know she's pretty. I know she's a catchy. He's a dream. I get it. The thing of it is, if you ever see some beautiful girl and you look at her fella and he's don't look like he should ever have her, that's the fit. Vice versa. If you see a dude that's so handsome, dreamy eyes, you know, cat eyes or whatever you want to call it, and he with a chick that looked like that she should be somewhere, you know, in a different league, that's the fit. Stop saying I can't see what he sees in her. No, you're not supposed to see it. Fellas, you too. Don't go and be like, man, I know I could do better, she could do better than that. No, you can't. You know why? That's the fit. That's the fit. That's the person that fits you totally, and you can't separate that. You can't handle that part. Okay. I understand you could be the best Don Wine or Romeo. You could do whatever. That don't break the chain link of the fix. The fix is so much stronger than you ever think when it does with looks, body appearance. You know what I'm saying? The fit is last forever. That's the 50-year-old marriages. That's when you sit down, you talk to an old person, and they tell you it just just it works. When they tell you it just works, that's like they they can't even explain it. They just know he fits inside of me like I fit inside of him, and god damn it, it works. That's the fix. Okay, so let me let me go ahead and elaborate on that, okay? Now look, next episode, I'm gonna try to explain something. I'm gonna try to talk about something that might be a little touchy. But you come back and you listen, you tell me your opinion. You know you can write me, okay? But I'm gonna touch on something that's gonna be very important to people, okay? This is gonna explain a lot of stuff. All right. Look, God bless. Thank y'all for coming back. Hope to hear from you next time. Look, love y'all, and like I say, happy new year's, okay? I'm trying, y'all. I didn't curse that bad. Think about it. I didn't curse so bad. I might have let something slip, but I caught it. I caught it. I ain't I ain't changing nothing. That that's not me going back and ordering nothing. I'm catching it. I'm gonna be the better side of me, right? All right, felly. Hey, look, hey, you find a better side of you, okay? All right, until next time. Take care.

SPEAKER_00 43:08

They told you love's a fairy tale, a dream you gotta chase, and died and shot it on the ride in to save the day. The real love ain't gonna rescue, it ain't a perfect scene. It's fine if someone's stalling who don't make you feel safe. I don't wait, I'll do it. I

Boundaries, Punishment, And Holding Your Line

SPEAKER_00 43:30

don't think for the state, ain't no gods gotta stick. Rustin up your heart just to make somebody stay. If they can't meet your needs, then baby, walk away. Love ain't about the magic, it's about the day today. Who's gonna hold you up when the sky fades to gray? Tired away on no ish, tired of hoping for a fix. Ain't nobody flawless, but someone's gotta fit. The truth about it all. You don't need a hero, just someone who stands tall. Someone who don't ghost when the rain starts to fall. Someone who shows up, no fairy tales at all. No more castles built on sand, no more hands that let you slip. Find a love that don't demand, but still gives you what you give. The truth about it all. You don't need a hero, just someone who wants to. Someone real, someone choose, someone who chooses you. No fairy tales, just love that follows through.