Let's Keep Talking with Braxton Gilbert
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Let's Keep Talking with Braxton Gilbert
The Layers of Women’s Sexual Empowerment | Juliet Allen
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So many women are quietly carrying a fear that runs their love life: “If I want too much, I’ll be judged or left.” We go straight into that tension, unpacking sexual shame, the pressure to stay palatable, and why self-censorship can feel safer than honesty. Along the way, we connect the “too much” story to abandonment wounds and early experiences that teach the nervous system to hold back, perform, and prioritize someone else’s comfort over real desire.
From there, we zoom out into a holistic view of sexual wellbeing. We talk about sexual energy as life force energy, the kind of creative fuel that affects confidence, health, relationships, and purpose. We also challenge the limits of symptom-only thinking in modern Western medicine and ask the questions that actually change outcomes: Are you emotionally safe? Are you having sex from duty or from genuine want? What happens in the body when you suppress your truth for years?
We also get practical and specific. We share first steps for rebuilding a sexual relationship with yourself, why embodiment matters more than just collecting information, and how therapy or skilled support can help you clear the beliefs that block body love. Then we explore tantra, polarity, and the shift from goal oriented sex to deeper, heart-opening love making, including simple frames that change how you touch and how you’re touched.
If you want more freedom, more honesty, and more aliveness in your sex life, hit play, share this with a friend who needs it, and subscribe so you don’t miss what comes next. What part of this conversation do you want to explore more deeply?
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Sexual Shame And Being Too Much
SPEAKER_01One of the things I want to spend a good bit of our time talking about is the value that I see in your work a lot about women's empowerment. And I want to start with that, specifically in sexuality, and ask you the question: what do you think is the message that women receive about sexuality in the modern world and what is wrong with it?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, good question. Um I think in general, women feel shame for being uh for embracing their sexuality. Like there's still that, you know, um feeling of like, if I'm too sexual, am I too much? Is this too much? Will it be too much for the people around me or for my lovers or my partner? And so I think we um collectively hold back in a way, like we don't want to be perceived as a slut, quote unquote, or a whore. Like that's just like we don't want that label um because that label has been used to um degrade women rather than be like this is actually really empowering to own that about ourselves, that you know, sacred slut, so to speak. So yeah, we we hold back and like we um yeah, does that make sense?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, definitely. Uh the too much thing is interesting. I hear that a lot from from the women in my life uh when it comes to fears or insecurities about self-expression. Um, like how do you see that in in in sexual expression?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, look, I think um we I think women don't fully allow themselves to go there with what they deeply desire a lot of the time. This is generalizing, but the everyday woman doesn't um allow herself to go deep and to open and to really surrender into her deepest desires because there's a fear that she'll be judged for those desires or those fantasies because um it may be too much for her partner, and her partner may be turned off. So there's that fear of abandonment and rejection for just truly embracing um that part of ourselves. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Uh it's interesting that you draw a connection with the fear of abandonment, like the idea of uh being too much for somebody is really interesting. I haven't thought about that in terms of, I mean, obviously, like in the general psyche, like in our in our modern-day society, there's there's shame around sexuality, and those come from a lot of our roots. But um, yeah, like the idea of I don't want to express myself fully because I'm afraid that my partner might not be able to match where I'm coming from and uh might be afraid and run away.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, look, most women
Abandonment Wounds And Holding Back
SPEAKER_00in general have an abandonment wound. A lot of us do, and so do men. But if we're speaking specifically about women, that abandonment wound often comes from our father or a male figure in our life who was somebody in our life in those first seven years of our life, or up until teenage years, who we loved and adored, and then who for some reason didn't necessarily physically abandon us, but um it could be emotionally just wasn't there for us, or like a specific example would be um, you know, uh our parents get divorced and um our father um has to move out, and so there's that abandonment that happens, right? That our father didn't necessarily go, I'm gonna now abandon my children. But the story that we make about it is daddy left and I can't trust men because if I do, they're gonna leave me anyway. And so we have this abandonment wound, a lot of us, and then yeah, it's natural that you know we go into we fall in love or we meet someone who we're just you know deeply connected with sexually, but there's this fear of like fully expressing ourselves and opening because if I do that, they may leave me. So I'll hold back and I'll be nice and I'll be good and I'll kind of sit in like just pleasing my partner because I don't want them to leave, because that will I'll feel pain again, and I don't want to feel that pain that I felt when I was younger.
SPEAKER_01So there's the safety that happens by traction and staying in like um this lack of self-expression. I'm like a half the woman that I would be. I'm half the woman I would be, but like half half the woman you would be uh out of fear. Um absolutely, yeah. In why for somebody that's in that situation, or somebody that really resonates with that and feels like they're not fully expressed, not showing up in their relationship fully, not showing up in their life fully, from your perspective, why is it so important that a woman begins that relationship with herself sexually and begins to connect to herself sexually?
SPEAKER_00Uh
Sexual Energy As Health And Vitality
SPEAKER_00look, it's just part of like general health. Like, you know, I see sexuality as um I zoom out and I work very holistically with women and men. Um, and so if we're not expressing our sexual energy, it is our life force energy. It is our creative energy. If we um ignore that or suppress it or numb it or just push it down, which a lot of us do, then we are literally suppressing a part of ourselves and our life force, and we're not allowing that to um free-flow and fuel our life and our creativity and you know, our parenting and our like our business. Like there's so many ways we can use that life force energy. Um, if we're not doing that and we're we feel shame or guilt or fear of being too much, then it literally creates health, like health issues. You know, women start to experience painful periods or like cysts on their ovaries, or um what else? Like lots of uh like thrush, like candida overgrowth, like all these things show up in women who are suppressing their sexuality, pushing it down, ignoring it.
SPEAKER_01What's thrush? What you mentioned thrush and what?
SPEAKER_00Do you know what thrush is? No, it's candida. Um, I don't know what you call it in the States. Um it's it's like an overgrowth in our of um look, I'm not a look, I am not a gynecologist. I'm not a gynecologist. It's basically like you know when women get um itchy, they get itchy in their vagina, often it shows up as like an itchiness, and then it shows up as like a like this sounds horrible, but it's like a creamy discharge that does has a bad odor, and it's just it's an overgrowth, it's a gut health thing in general.
SPEAKER_01Like serovaginosis.
SPEAKER_00Well, that's different. That's but that but that can also show up, um, definitely. Like, that's another thing that women get it.
SPEAKER_01It's interesting. The like you see these physical ailments being tied to the disconnection and suppression of the life force energy inside because of this, because of the shame around it and the fear of abandonment.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely, like thrush often shows up for women who hold a lot of shame with it with their, you know, in relation to their sexuality. So if we hold on to shame, often women will come to me and they're having um, you know, ongoing bounce of thrush, which completely affects their sex life, their health, like just in general, it feels like absolute hell down there if you have thrush. But so what I do is obviously they need to approach it from a naturopathic, in my point of view, uh, like approach, which is like looking at gut health and all that, but also um they need when I work with them on the shame that they feel, it will often disappear. And thrush often also comes up when um women are having sex with their partner or their lovers, um, and they're doing it out of duty or doing it just because they should rather than because they want to. So they do that, and then their body goes, Fuck this. No way are we doing this? I'm gonna put up like I'm gonna make it impossible for you to have sex with this person because you're not listening to your body right now. So I'll listen for you.
SPEAKER_01I'll put up a like stop, don't do this kind of signals.
Why Medicine Misses Emotional Roots
SPEAKER_01Why is it so much that those uh like modern-day medicine? It doesn't, we don't think about those type of connections. We don't apply, we don't think about if there's shame or energetic um suppression in the body as a as a as a like um the source of the symptoms we're experiencing.
SPEAKER_00Because the medical system's fucked, in my opinion. Because that's a good answer.
SPEAKER_01That's a great answer.
SPEAKER_00Okay, there's a time and a place for the medical system. I am not naive to think, like, even for myself, I've been in situations where if I didn't what didn't have access to great health care in a hospital with specialists, that I would have died. So there's obviously a time and a place for for it. However, when it comes to looking at health holistically, the you know, the training that doctors get isn't holistic like that. It's like how many drugs can we can we you know teach you about that will mask a symptom rather than zoom out and go, oh, what's your diet? What are you eating? Like, how's your relationship? Because often our body shows up in these different symptoms and disease shows up, and it's linked always to emotional stuff.
SPEAKER_01Always that something is really powerful, and I sense the wisdom in it, and I just it's like uh so counterintuitive to the way that we're raised. I know that the way that I've been raised in Western society with modern medicine, and it's take a pill for everything. Yeah, but uh like uh it does seem like the the source of a lot of illness is neurosis in general and inner conflict of sorts as in the resolve.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, definitely. Definitely. It's like that typical case of like a woman or man goes to the doctor and says, I feel depressed, and they're like, take this pharmaceutical by.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Instead of being like, Well, how how are you going? Like, how's your relationship? How what's your environment like? Have you, you know, had any therapy?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
First Steps Toward Sexual Self-Connection
SPEAKER_01For someone that is um interested in beginning to cultivate um a healthy relationship with themselves sexually and never has, and has done nothing but just receive information about uh you don't want to be too much, or someone might leave, or sexuality is shameful and you should express that. That's dirty, don't do it. What's Juliet's like guy, like uh intro to the world of connecting to yourself sexually and beginning that relationship?
SPEAKER_00Um, just first acknowledging that's that's something you're curious about and that you want to invest time into, and then um devoting time to learn about how you can expand in that area of your life. So um, you know, it takes courage to like go there when it comes to sex, and not everyone's ready for that. But if you are ready, um seek out education and support, which there's so much now with with the internet, you know, like there's just so many free resources out there that you can read and listen to to get you started on the journey. But then the next step is you can listen to the podcast or like you can binge an entire season of my podcast, for example, you can do all my masterclasses, but like it's one thing to um listen and kind of process it in your head, but the next step is to embody those teachings. And um that takes, in my opinion, more ongoing support with someone like me, someone who you resonate with, um, you know, surrounding yourself with and learning from women who are already embodying the teachings is really important. And that's what I love personally as a sexologist, is I get to spend time, you know, over time with women, supporting them to integrate the teachings into their life and body, not just listen to them or reason.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And like what are some of the practical uh first steps for somebody who's like uh beginning to listen and take in teachings for for them to begin to do every day?
SPEAKER_00Uh well you've got to zoom out. Put in.
SPEAKER_01Like noticing what they feel or beginning to like even just taking the the courage to like jot down some of their desires or those types of things.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Uh look, it's like it's it's first, it's just about relationship with self for anyone, um, women and men. It's like um we need to cultivate a really deep connection, an intimate connection with ourselves and sexual connection first. And that's the foundation. We can't expect to have really great sex with others and be a great lover if we haven't explored it our like explored self-pleasure and self-love. And so that's the first step is not to outsource it to a lover, not to project our desires onto anyone else, but to take time to um to cultivate a beautiful deep intimacy and love for ourselves. That's the first step. And that looks different for everyone. Um, you know, it's about being comfortable in your own body and being okay with you know how you look and feel. And if you're not okay with that, then what are you gonna do about it? Like that's such a cool thing. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Sorry. That's just something something that's really cool that I like a lot about the stuff you talk about in your podcast is uh how sexy it is and how sexual energizing is confidence itself, and to feel comfortable in your body. And seems like you're referencing that as like a foundational framework for for your relationship with yourself.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, absolutely, definitely. It's the it's the foundations. Um, it's what I teach a lot with women and what I work on a lot with women is like coming back to those foundations um and teaching embodiment, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And like that is that's something that I've experienced in my own life and my own sexual healing, shifting from performance and appearance to sensation and feeling. Uh that's such a powerful shift. Like, what would be the words that someone would need to hear in that area of like um how to begin to embrace themselves sexually, feel confident in their own skin, uh accept and begin to love their body the way it is. What are some of those words there?
SPEAKER_00This is like a whole 10-week course. Um how do I sum it up? Look, you have to do, I believe that it's so important and valuable to do the work, so to speak. So um really dig deep into what's holding you back from loving your body. Like, what were the messages that you were taught as a young, usually in the first seven years of our life, because those first seven years is what's what creates you know who we are as an adult. That's our the that's where we learn everything. So um I support people to like go back in time and and understand what the blockages are and then how to remove them. Like, what is it that makes you think that you're too much? Was it because one of your parents told you that when you were four and you were singing in the shower and they were like, be quiet, that's ridiculous. You're naked, and you know, get your shower done, get out. Was it um that you're um mosquito, and I hate mosquitoes? Um it's like one of my really pet hates. Isn't mosquitoes? Um, what um like what you know, maybe it was like you had your first boyfriend, you were 16, and um they told you like you're that's weird what you're doing, or like you you kiss the way you kiss is gross, and you took that on, and like, you know, all those things. So you've got to identify them, process them. That's like the the foundation, too, is like go get some therapy and support, you know. Yeah, we've all got shit. If you say you don't, then that's a red flag, you do.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and it takes a lot of bravery for someone to to go back and say, like, okay, what is it that really still has been caught?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, so many people have like deep trauma too, like sexual trauma that um hasn't been they haven't healed from, you know, and um like that's a huge process too, and it's something that isn't spoken about enough. It's like it's not my area of expertise, though. It's not actually something that I love working with. Um, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Sure.
Masculine Feminine Polarity And Desire
SPEAKER_01One one thing that I really wanted to ask you is um I I sense that one of the deterrence from embracing a woman's sexuality may be that part of the social paradigm is that men are sexual and women are not, and so becoming more sexual is becoming more like a man and less like a woman, less like a lady. Um in what ways could you encourage someone or shed light on the individual sexuality that a woman has that's different from a man, so she can really feel herself step into that?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I've never even thought of it like that, that women would have a fear of like being more like a man. Um maybe there is that unconsciously, like I don't know.
SPEAKER_01You're like turning your back on the group. Sorry, you're like turning your back on the group, like you're not one of the girls anymore. Like we're not now you're like one of the guys, you know.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, maybe, maybe that's you know, maybe, but I don't know. I think that maybe that's like a maybe a cultural thing, like, because it's not like that in Australia. Um, with like there's a lot of yes, there's a lot of like women like segregation in a way, like women hang with women, men hang with men, but there's a there's a like a cultural thing that we are all very equal here. And I don't know, I just don't relate to that personally. I I love men, like I have no man hating in my body, you know, and I mean that comes from like doing a lot of healing work, but um I also think that the work that I teach, which is tantric teachings, is like integrating your inner masculine and feminine. So not necessarily, that's not necessarily about man and woman, but like these two polarities of energy that are within us as individuals um that have different, you know, aspects, our healthy and unhealthy aspects to the masculine and feminine. But I've done a lot of integration work and actually worked with my own inner man and like so I feel quite um, and I that's what I teach people to do. So it's not so much about like men versus women for me, or in the work I do, it's about like becoming whole within your inner masculine and feminine, creating a beautiful inner union, um, so that we're not projecting our stuff onto men, basically.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. How would you describe the differences of more feminine sexual energy and masculine sexual energy and the way that it surfaces in your experience?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so um when it comes to more like the different energy, not necessarily man versus woman, because this can apply to same-sex relationships, but it also um like can shift in hetero relationships. But so the feminine is more like in receivership and surrender. So um she's more in a healthy state, like her heart is really open, she's um relaxed, she's in flow. The masculine is more direct, like in general in life, the masculine prefers like the masculine in all of us loves a good like to-do list, you know, that's the the inner masculine. Like he's got a goal, and he like he wants to reach that goal, and he's yeah, he's just more direct. So I like to think of it as um he he holds the energy, and the woman or the feminine can kind of dance around that energy and feel like he's the solid rock. Now, this is the same with masculine and feminine integration within us. We need to have that solid masculine as a woman um and as a man so that our feminine can feel safe to express itself. Um, and the analogy I like to give is um think of a stripper pole. Like think of a strip stripper. There's the you know, the solid pole, and that cannot move or waver because that's otherwise the stripper's gonna fall flat in her face. So the pole is the masculine, the stripper dancing around the pole is the feminine energy. The pole holds her up, he supports her, he's like solid, he's grounded, he's like he's penetrating the earth, and the feminine is the energy that moves around the pole with grace and confidence and ease and flow because the masculine's there. So we can look at that this concept and apply it to our own inner union, but also outer unions with people outside of ourself.
SPEAKER_01Is the is guiding and leading always attributed to the person who is in their more masculine energy at the at that point in time?
SPEAKER_00I would say so. Yeah, in general, yeah, yeah. Like, you know, in any relationship, whether it's you know, hetero or same sex, there's gonna be someone in that relationship who naturally leads more, yeah. Um, and and you know, yeah, who who leads more in the relationship, who, and then there's gonna be the person who's more in their feminine who uh is more like in flow. Um, and what the issue that so many couples come up against is that two people are in their masculine, yeah, so the woman's in their masculine, the man's in their masculine predominantly, and they're butting heads, or in a lesbian relationship, and I've experienced this personally in the past, there's two women, they both want to be in their feminine, there's no one leading, right?
SPEAKER_01And then there's just two strippers, no pole.
SPEAKER_00Two strippers, no pole. The literally, it literally, and two strippers with no pole, it's like we're lost. Like, who's who's guiding this? And and what we need for like great sex is polarity. There needs to be someone, no matter what the relationship diamond dynamic, there needs to be someone who holds the masculine predominantly and someone who holds the feminine pole. Then when there's that polarity, it's like a magnet coming together. The positive and negative come together, fireworks happen. So if you're in a relationship and you're listening and it's just gone boring and blah, probably there's not enough polarity.
SPEAKER_01It's interesting that in order to get along together and like co-living, you know, you might start to shift to be more same. Like you are now more like a balanced energy or more masculine, they're more masculine. You kind of mash your energy. But when it comes to sexual polarity and having like really wonderful, juicy, erotic sex, it's like, I we need to go back to our place. We need to go back to our place.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And often, like an example of like how this can flip is of there can be like a really strong-driven businesswoman who's really like um done great in her career and has a lot of um like authority and leadership in her um career, but then you get her into the bedroom and she doesn't want to be like that. She just literally wants to let go and surrender and be tied up because she's like she's done with that. And so she polarizes into the opposite, which a lot of people don't expect.
SPEAKER_01But yeah, yeah, that's really cool for people to know that you're uh who you are who you like move through all day, and the energy you occupy all day may not necessarily be your preferred energy and and sexual experiences.
Periods Birth Menopause As Rites
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01Something that uh absorbed my complete attention uh while I was just like binging all of the podcast episodes is the way that you talk about three particular things: periods, childbirth, menopause, all three of those things being super powerful opportunities of rites of passages for women that are often categorized more so as just negative complications of the female experience.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely, yeah.
SPEAKER_01I never in my mind have I had I really listened so closely, heard someone talk so powerfully about that. Could you please share about that with my listeners?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so um these are really important rites of passage. We all have rites of passage as women and men. Um, and but for women specifically, our first rite of passage is our first bleed. Um uh often our second rite of passage um is the like the first time we have sex, and then um any pregnancies that we have, including um pregnancies that are full term and that we birth, but uh and pregnancies that we terminate or that we lose, you know, we lose, so like a miscarriage. Um, so that's all considered like you know, a rite of passage. And then you move into like perimenopause, menopause, which I haven't experienced yet. So I find it difficult to speak to that topic. Um, I and I promise to my audience and my community is that I'm not gonna speak about something that I haven't experienced yet. Like I'm not gonna speak about that and be pretend to know. Um, I find that actually really like puzzling when say someone who's in my career will will teach women about say postpartum sex, but they haven't had a baby.
SPEAKER_01And I'm like, You're like, girl, something's off here.
SPEAKER_00So out of integrity, it's not funny.
SPEAKER_01Like a virgin like a virgin teaching a tantrum workshop.
SPEAKER_00Anyway, you know, um, but um, that's a red flag. Uh but yeah, so so they're all you know, all these times are really huge moments for us as women, especially like uh pregnancy and birth, because it's literally a portal that we go into, and then physically we literally go into this other world to birth this baby, birth a baby through our vagina, ideally, and then we we don't just birth a baby, we birth a completely new version of ourselves as women every single time. So the impact that has on us sexually, all the different rites of passage, is huge. And then the next step, you know, to think about as women, and I've learned this from a beautiful elder who's been a mentor of mine, Jane Hardwick-Collings, she speaks about the red thread between all the different rites of passage. And so I've done lots of one-on-one work with her to understand what is the thread, what is the common theme from my first bleed and my experience of that into my pregnancies, which I've had about 10 in total, um, and three babies who are beautiful and healthy, but like I would say I'm on uh probably about 10. Um, and so um, what is the thread that goes through those rites of passage? And the good thing is if you can understand what that is early on, you can basically break the pattern. So if you've had a negative first rite of passage, that then impacts the rest of your life, unless you go, oh, this is how I operated because of that. That's impacted me negatively. I'm gonna do the work to not have that impact my pregnancy and birth.
SPEAKER_01And you're saying that, like um one of the things that I wrote down that I thought Jane mentioned that was really cool, is how you're treated during the rite of passage teaches you how culture values the next role you're going into and how to behave to be accepted by that culture.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And so what you're saying, if I'm if I'm grasping the idea of the thread correctly, is like period happens, sex happens, childbirth happens, there's like an accumulation of the way you're treated from the first experience that then domino affects the way that you go through the next experience.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And can your ability to connect with the power of it?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So if say this is an example, if you get your first bleed and your experience in that was feeling alone, feeling unsupported, feeling like puzzled by it, or like just a bit like, what the fuck's this? Um, you know, and you feel like there's a lack of support there, then that then um impacts your next rite of passage. So an example of this skipping the sex one would be you go into pregnancy and birth and you feel alone again, and you just feel like there's lack of support, and you you're you're like puzzled, you don't get the connection, but you're like, this just feels like a lonely experience, but it's actually a really similar to experience of your first bleed. So it's normalized, and your system is like, yeah, this is what happens. You go through a huge rite of passage and you're alone. If you can catch that, then you can like change the story.
SPEAKER_01What is the power of a woman's first period? What's that experience like and what's she interacting with?
SPEAKER_00Well, it's just a huge, like, like I say, I keep saying this, but like it's such a huge rite of passage initiation into womanhood. You're going from um being a maiden in the maiden archetype to to the like turning into a woman, essentially. And in our Western culture, there's not much reverence and respect for that, it and no ritual around it. And it's basically like seen as a negative, like, oh god, you got your period gross.
SPEAKER_01Like, yeah, that's all I've ever heard.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and you so um for me with my um daughter who's nearly 20, when she got her first bleed, I made it like I I wanted her to feel like it was a really special time for her and shit that she was celebrated. So um we um I my close friends who are also you know have been in her life, we all got together, and one of my friends baked this beautiful um vulva cake. My daughter was like like but I also know deep down she just felt so so much gratitude, and we like all brought her a little gift, and then we sat in a circle, we lit a candle, we said something we you know love about her, our wishes for her future. And then, like, even my family, like my parents, um, you know, they I like encouraged them to like even my dad, who's her grandfather, to connect with her and say, Hey, like, congratulations, you know, you've just you've become a woman, like you're you know, so it wasn't about like pushing it into the corner and being like, Oh, like this is you know, this is something we're not gonna speak about. It was like a celebration for her.
SPEAKER_01You're able to go through that experience so much more consciously and probably like begin to wonder about your new role, your new archetype that you mentioned.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01What what do you think of the positive? What do you think the positivities or the positive outcomes are for someone going through their first bleed in that way versus the way it normally is, which is like, you know, toss a tampon, like show it up your vagina and get on with it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, which often that's what happens, and women don't even know where their vagina is, so they're like, What the fuck? Like, where do I even put this?
SPEAKER_01You know, I think I had a better experience of I think I had a better education about periods than most girls do. I remember as a boy, my mom showing me in the sink, like how a tampon works and what it does. And I was like, that's fascinating.
SPEAKER_00How great, yeah. I can remember that's so great. Like, and that it's this isn't equally as important for young men and like boys to be, you know, to have a mother and parents who are just open about periods. Like, my my I have a two, four two-year-old, four-year-old, and 19-year-old. And my two and four-year-old, like, I don't hide putting tampons in and out. Like, my two-year-old's like, there's blood. And I'm like, Yeah, this is all part of like being a woman, and this is it's not a bad blood, this is good blood, you know? And like they're just curious. It's like this is just like talking about what we're gonna eat for breakfast. There's no big deal. Um, but you your question was about um, you know, the impact of on women. Basically, there's less shame, there's less like there's more celebration of like this is really amazing. I'm fertile, I my body is doing its thing. I'm a cyclical woman. My blood is not gross, it's like holds so much power in that. Like, um, have you seen houseplants who've been this is taking it a little bit, you know, something like no, go there.
SPEAKER_01I've you talked about this in your podcast.
SPEAKER_00House plants that have been watered with menstrual blood, like you can dilute it so you can capture your blood, dilute it in water, pour it on plants. Those houseplants, they are like superpowered plants, like they're not never gonna go.
SPEAKER_01If you poured on a weed plant and then smoke the weed, you could take over the world.
SPEAKER_00We can make a lot of money. We can make a lot of money. In fact, I'll pitch that to Nick, my partner, because he's probably up for that.
SPEAKER_01Um ask Nick what he thinks. This could be a idea. He'd be like, This is your next product, Julian.
SPEAKER_00He'd be like, let's find some seeds and get going. That's what it's saying. Um, but yeah, I once had cleaners, this beautiful older couple, and they came every week. And one day the lady said, I just want to know what's your secret with all your house plans. I've never been able to keep mine alive. And I hesitated, then I told them. The moment you face, I was like, that was a dumb idea, Juliet, in my head. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01She never came back again.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's like, yeah, it was like too far out for both.
SPEAKER_01That's really, really awesome. Okay.
Birth As A Sexual Experience
SPEAKER_01Um birth as a sexual experience. That is something I've circled and underlined. Uh why is that separated in my brain, and how can I help to reconcile it? Birth as a sexual experience.
SPEAKER_00Well, birth is so similar to sex because the conditions, firstly, that we need for birth, for a beautiful birth, are the same conditions that we need for um love making. So we need dim lighting, we need to be surrounded by people who we feel safe with. We need um we need to be like in a room and an environment where we can open and surrender and trust. And this is what's wrong with birth is that it's hospit it's medicalized, it's seen as a problem, not just a natural part of life. And so um, if we can see it as more like um, firstly, we need that environment, the same environment to make love to birth. Firstly, that's really important. And that's because like birth is like a deep surrender for a woman. Like, we have to just trust in the mystery. It's literally the epitome of trusting in the mystery of of life and death. You know, life life and death. Death's the biggest mystery. We never know when it's gonna happen, but it's the one guaranteed is death for all of us. And birth is the one guaranteed, no matter how we conceived, we are we were birthed, right? Hopefully, that doesn't change all this bullshit stuff that's happening with like babies being made in like Japan in like fake wounds and stuff, which just freaks me out, but we won't go there. Um so birth is like it our genitals are such a big part of it that yeah, I don't know, I it's hard to put into words, but for so many women, they do experience it as a sexual experience, like everything is activated and turned on, and this isn't a beautiful physiological birth. I am not talking in general a hospital birth that has bright lights, three obstetricians, uh uh, you know, like it's cold, it's cold, literally it's so cold. The bed's so uncomfortable.
SPEAKER_01Somebody died in this thing I'm wearing yesterday.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like I've birthed in hospital. I've had three births, two in hospital, one at home. And my first was in hospital, second was at home, third was in hospital because my third baby was premi, and so I, you know, she was too small to birth at home, and um for medical reasons, but it was yeah, it was interesting going back to a hospital birth after a home birth. Um because yeah, just it was just so like I couldn't find my nest. Like I tried my best within the system to find this, like, you know how an animal often will like um like a goat, let's say, will when it's about to birth, it will like go and just create a little nest and like just huddle there, and then so I was trying to find a nest and I couldn't. I still birthed naturally and all that, but um, it was such a different experience to literally birthing in front of a fireplace.
SPEAKER_01It seems, yeah, which is so cool. That's such a wonderful story to listen to. Um, it seems like it just like there is such clarity around the power that is in the birthing experience for a woman as part of that rite of passage that it seems to just get missed if you do it. No shame to anybody that does birth however they want to. I'll never I've never birthed a baby, so I'm on the sidelines big time on this conversation. Yeah, it seems really, really powerful to go through the experience and to lean into it so much and to trust the flow so much. And um how do you think that sets your identity up in the motherhood experience having gone through birth like that?
SPEAKER_00Uh yeah, well, you know, Jane would say, referring back to Jane, that like how we birth our babies, we can learn so much from that birth experience. Each child's birth is different. And if we can unpack what we learned from that birth, then we can apply that to parenting that child for life. So each birth will teach us something. Like, so for my birth first daughter, I birthed her in hospital, I birthed her naturally, but I really felt like it was like I was up against the system. I was very much like advocating for myself. Um, I had to really trust in myself, trust in my intuition as a 23-year-old woman who was just like felt so alone in the system. And it was, it was a very long labor, like 40-something hours. So there was a lot of like endurance that I had to like, it was like running a marathon forever. And so that's my daughter, um, my oldest daughter is very strong-willed. She's born on the same day as me, and we're very similar, like strong-willed. And so that birth, how I like approached it is how I've approached parenting her, which is like it's been, you know, we butt heads a lot, we're best friends, but we butt heads, but like there's like this endurance factor of like I've just got to hold strong and like hold my ground, basically, you know, um, same as the birth. And then um, yeah, each birth teaches us something different and it impacts how we parent. If we can have that wisdom and like that knowledge as a woman, then it it's it's a cool insight into each child. Because I believe each child chooses their birth in a way. Like Magnolia, my youngest, she came at 30 weeks, my water's broke, I had no option, I had to surrender into like I'm birthing a premature baby, she could be dead, we don't know. Like, well, we did know because I could feel the heartbeat, but you know, like there's a risk there that she's very young. But um, she I believe she chose that, and like there was so much gold in that as you know, looking back on it, so much gold. So yeah.
SPEAKER_01Uh something I wrote down and circled, uh, pussies are portals.
Womb Power Yoni Massage Heart Link
SPEAKER_01Uh can you help me understand more?
SPEAKER_00Um, well, they're a portal into the womb, and the womb is like where life life is created. We wouldn't be here if wombs didn't exist. So womb the womb is like where our power lies as women. That's why there were witches, and then all the witches were killed, because we were all like all the witches. I say we because we're all tapping into the power of the womb, and then that's scary for the for men, that's scary for you know religion, like back in the day. You know, it's like there's so much power in there, so it's a portal into creation, and the fact that we hold that power to create and keep you know humanity going, it's the ultimate power. So it's like our vagina uh pussy is the the entryway in there, and that's why it's so powerful.
SPEAKER_01Can you talk to me about the connection between a woman's vagina and her heart and her emotional body? And particularly where this popped out in my mind was you referenced yoni massages in your podcast and how emotionally releasing and healing it can be. Question.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Well, yeah, we like we hold so much emotion back to our womb or so in our womb and our pussy. Like as women, we and so do men, we push down a lot. You know, we're not in a we're not taught, most of us aren't taught to like express our emotion. Freely, and that's that's not embraced. So from a young age, we're taught to like push it down, hold on to the tears, move on. We take that into adulthood and we push down the trauma, we push down the disappointment, the heartbreak, etc. And all that stored energy stores in um our womb and you know our sex center. And so um the where am I going with this? What did you ask me? Sorry.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, um, to help me understand more about how a woman's vagina is connected to her heart and where she holds her energy. And also you mentioned yoni massages in a podcast that you said it could be really healing energetically and emotionally, like it could be a great emotional release.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, okay, there's that's two different things. So the yoni massage is great because it's healing touch in an area that often hasn't um has experienced a lot of trauma or holds on to a lot of energy. And so if we can have a healing um experience with somebody who we trust, and you know, Yoni Massage, there's way too many dodgy practitioners out there. So if you're listening and you want to go to a Yoni Massage practitioner, don't Google someone. You need a referral because just like any profession, there's dodgy people out there, and then there's really people with integrity. Um, so um, just that's a side note, but yeah, it can be deeply healing for women to have this non-sexual healing touch in that area of their body so that they can release the trauma that's associated with that, you know, that area of their body. So they may have had a first sexual experience that was traumatic, and then they can heal from that and and allow that you know energy to flow. So that's that. And then the heart for women, our you know, the positive pole in our body is our heart. So for men, their positive pole is their cock. So we need, as women, our heart to feel like cherished and open and safe to open and adored and all the things. We need that to open our pussy, basically. So if a woman is having sex and she says, Oh, I don't really lubricate naturally, I experience a lot of pain. Often she's just racing into sex, doing it because she should, not because she wants to. And often she doesn't feel held emotionally in that relationship, she hasn't connected with that person at the heart, or she feels very shut down in her heart space space, which then means her vagina is shut down. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01The positive pole being a man's cock and a the positive pole being a woman's heart, and then the inverse, I would assume. Uh, what's that about?
SPEAKER_00That's a tantric teaching. The you know, the woman's positive pole is her heart, man's positive pole is his cock. So for a woman, we need our heart to we need to feel safe to open our heart so that we can experience really deeply connected intimate sex. For men in general, and this is a generalization, because there are men who are more in their feminine who need their heart to feel like you know, open first. But in general, a man needs grounding, touch on his penis to open, right? It's not men don't this is this men don't necessarily always need to be like in a deeply connected, intimate space to open. That's why it's you know, like often there's this kind of butting of heads because the guy's like, I've got an erection, let's go. And the woman's just like, I don't give a fuck, like whether you know, like what like have you have you appreciated me throughout the week? Have you tended to my needs emotionally?
SPEAKER_01He no longer has an erection, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Well, you don't say this. Like, you'd never say that to a guy, I wouldn't. But there's this underlying current of like, um, if only guys would get this, that like it's actually really simple. If you want more sex, tend to your woman's emotional needs, be curious, ask her how she is every day, listen with presence, put your fucking phone away. Excuse my French because I love the word fuck, but put your phone away and listen, prioritize her, make her dinner, do the dishes, like figure out what her love language is because we all have a different one. If it's acts of service before she gets home tonight, clean the house, vacuum, especially if she's a mother, and notice how much more open she is to have wanting to have sex with you if you do all those things. If she loves gifts, bring a bunch of flowers, and you there's way more um likelihood that you'll get a blowjob this week. You know, it's not hard, it's not rocket science. Just make her feel loved, care for, seen all these things, safe, not judged for being emotional, you know, not like oh what, you got your period again.
SPEAKER_01It's like, yeah, good luck, man. Good luck. Okay, I'd like to spend the last five, maybe ten minutes that we have here.
SPEAKER_02Yep,
Tantra Frames Polarity Without Goals
SPEAKER_02yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um Tantra and frames for people who want to experience deeper love making. What are some of the frames that we can play with that will shift us away from just really good sex to potentially like really deep, heart-opening, ecstatic love making experiences?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Uh look, the the oh, there's so many, but like being aware of the polarity thing, which is spoken about a lot now, but like really being aware that there needs to be polarity in the dynamic between two people in order for there to be like really ecstatic sex, that's important. Um, and we've spoken to Could you go deeper into that? Well, we've spoken about that. You know, think of the um, you know, like whoever's holding that masculine pole needs to be more like grounded and present and direct with their energy. And the woman or the person who's in the feminine needs to actively trust and let go and soften and receive. And this can flip, like this can totally flip. It doesn't mean that the guy always has to be in a heterosexual relationship traditionally. The guy doesn't always have to be in that energy, like he may just want to just surrender, and that's beautiful. And then the woman kind of steps more into the like, you know, the director's role in a way, like the you know, but um it there needs to be like a difference in the energy so that the magnet can go boom and like really stick, right? Yeah, people like that analogy of the magnet because it's just like you can visually see a magnet, you know, you know, when it like pushes away from each itself.
SPEAKER_01There, you know, it's very clear when you're in a sexual dynamic that feels not polarizing, like uh in the opposite way.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, like who's who's driving here?
SPEAKER_01There's like two steering wheels in this car. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we both just yeah, exactly. Um, so there's polarity, and then um there's there's really a need for like there to take out the goal-oriented sex. So, you know, there's so much focus on like getting somewhere during lovemaking, on having to ejaculate or come, on having to have an orgasm traditionals in the traditional sense of like an explosive big bang at the end. And you know, that language you use of like, oh, we finished or he finished. It's like for you know, modern-day tantric sex, what's taught is like there's there's no goal, there's no end. It's just a journey. Somehow it will come to an end. But if we take out that end goal, that's where the magic happens. Um, and that's you know, that's a process. So many people have to unlearn what they've learned about sex, which is that there has to be an outcome for it to be successful. There has to be the guy hasn't it has a you know, ejaculates, um, and that's seen as the only way to have an orgasm. And then the woman ideally has an orgasm, and you both go to sleep. It's like it doesn't have to be that way.
SPEAKER_01So uh polarity is the first thing, like a first frame of reference for ecstatic love making, also removing the goal. Um these last few minutes is like um breast being an extension of the heart or a symbol of the heart. Um that those types of thoughts. Um, also another one that I've picked up from David Data's a cock becoming heart in response to a lover is a picture of how a man's energized to give his gift back to the beauty he sees in the world. Those are like those types of things have been really useful for me in love making to lean into those, to tune into those and allow the experience to change. Um, what else might I might I add to my list that would be helpful?
SPEAKER_00Um sorry, I got distracted by the David Data reference. Um what's your question?
SPEAKER_01Sorry, like what is so if I envision that my lover's breast or her heart, then that changes the way that I touch her. That changes the way that I interact with her. I love that and would love to hear if you have any other examples like that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Um well, for a woman who's making love to a man, his cock is is an extension of his heart. So, like, you know, if we can instead of just touching a man's penis in a way that we think we should, and to get an outcome, if we can fully worship him in his entirety, not just his sex center or his genitals, but his entire being and his soul and his purpose and you know all that he brings to the world, then that's worship. Like that's true worship, and that's when a man is going to feel deeply satiated by love making because he's not just being seen as like an object that just gets, you know, kind of touched in a way to get somewhere. But it's like, oh, she actually soared deep into my soul and like you know, um, made love to me in a way that made me feel like she accepts all of me, not just the good parts, but you know, the shadows and the like the the my stuff that that's come up. But it's like this is a game changer for women and for men, but it's a game changer when women can get this, and like I'll teach it, and often women will DM me afterwards and be like, oh my god, like this happened last night because I actually embraced that, and like my partner wants to thank you, or like yeah, yeah, they're like, Oh my god, often they'll be like, they just were like, What the hell did you just do? Like, what was that? You know, because it's just a shift in energy and a and a and a like a shift in consciousness around that, yeah.
SPEAKER_01So really making love to a man's cock is as and to see his cock as a representation of him, all that he is his entire life, and how you love him is the way you treat his cock.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Well, um, sincerely, thank you for taking time in your caravan to um swat at mosquitoes and answer questions about sex from me. I appreciate you very much.
SPEAKER_00Oh, thank you for having me. Great questions, great topics. Like, um, yeah, it's always a pleasure to share. And I I hope that the people listening receive something that can really move them and change their sex life, um, which is my mission and goal, is like people feel, you know, more empowered in that area of their life and more freedom and more acceptance. And so thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_01For somebody that has listened to this and they want to hear more about your work and lean more into your teachings, where can they find you?
Where To Find Juliet Online
SPEAKER_00They can find me on Instagram, which is at Juliet J U L I E T underscore Alan, A L E N. That's where I share a lot of my work. Uh, you can find me on Substack, and you can also find me just on my website, which is Juliettelen.com.