Let's Keep Talking with Braxton Gilbert
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Let's Keep Talking with Braxton Gilbert
Grief, Porn, and Bluey | Mason Sawyer
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Mason Sawyer lost 3 children, his wife, brother and nephew in a sudden tragedy, now he spends his time helping others. We talk about a whole lotta shit. Here's what CoHost AI said this episode is about:
"Some conversations hit you with a hard truth: there is no “right thing” to say, and there is no fix coming. That’s where we start with Mason Sawyer of The 1090 Rule, a host who has spent years sitting with devastating loss stories and learning what actually helps. We dig into what it means to hold space for grief, why advice can create distance, and how silence, patience, and plain human honesty can make someone feel less alone.
From there, we widen out into the messy ways people cope. We talk about crying, dark humor, and the quiet work of “caring for the soul” rather than obsessing over solutions. Then the conversation turns toward sexual shame, porn addiction, and sex addiction recovery, including how novelty and doom-scrolling can rewire arousal, how to spot the line between pleasure and compulsion, and why porn can become a powerful form of emotional numbing when stress, anxiety, or grief spikes.
We also get practical about parenting and healthy sexuality: how to speak without shame, how consent language can be simple, and how to create the kind of trust where a kid can actually come to you. If you take one thing away, let it be this: sadness and joy can coexist, and connection is a skill you can practice. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway."
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When Grief Cannot Be Fixed
SPEAKER_05I know it wasn't your intention when you set out to your life, but it seems to be that you've become somewhat of like a master of the grief process.
SPEAKER_00Well, yeah, I think I think it's listening, dude. I think that's what like what like I just said, I think that's the biggest thing I've learned since last time I talked to you, man, is just because like you can't really, I mean, you can't fix. I mean, I just did an interview with this lady who when she was in her young 20s, she lost her four-year-old son. Her and her husband had to decide to take their son off life support. They come home from the hospital that night, and her husband shoots himself in the heart. Like, so like these stories, there's really no advice, like, at least none that I know that I can really give them to be like, hey, this is how you're like, these are these are some pretty messed up. The five steps to get over this. Yeah, don't worry. Here's my here's Mason's five steps to over.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I would get over it.
SPEAKER_00Stop thinking about it. And I think uh just realizing that, hey man, like you don't need to worry about trying to fix it, you just need to listen to her and let her feel comfortable enough to talk about it and uh and to maybe cry or whatever else she wants to do. And yeah, I think that's just kind of where I've landed right now. Um but yeah, man, like it's these stories are intense, and so it's not I don't really think it's about the advice, it's more just about not being alone and and being there for one another.
SPEAKER_05How do you how do you do that well, man? Like, how do you listen to someone really well in in that situation?
SPEAKER_00I think it just like anything else, I think it's just reps on reps on reps. Like I've been doing it for almost four years now. And so yeah, I think it's just like anything else, like the more I've done it, the more comfortable I've gotten, and and I guess the better I've gotten at it. Um so yeah, I think it's just like I think that grief is the same way. I think I think that's why the first year of grief is so hard. Like you're just a rookie, you're a baby, you have no idea how to even manage all these emotions. So yeah, I think just with time, you just kind of practice and get comfortable with all the different emotions and trying to find ways to explain them and connect with other people through them.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. So like um, seems like dealing with other people's grief just comes down to holding space and listening.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and just like no judgment, like uh and just honesty. I remember one lady I was interviewing, she gave birth to her baby and it had shoulder dystorphia, so like got stuck, kind of coming out of the womb, and had all sorts of these health conditions because of that, and the baby lived for 41 days, and then they had to take it off life support and basically you know let their own baby die. And we were talking in our in our podcast, and she's like, So I've been drinking, and um it's not good. And like, what do you do, Mason? Like, how how'd you deal with that? And I just looked at her and I'm like, Oh, like I'm drinking, I'm struggling with that too. And she's just you could see it like her whole like just this relief of like, oh, you are like and yeah, and again, back to your joke earlier. Like, I feel like if I would have said, like, oh, here's Mason's five steps, it's okay, it would just it would have just been this total disconnect. Like, I'm not she's not doing it right, I'm not good enough, but instead it was just honesty, like, oh, like I struggle with that too. And it was just she was able to open up more and trust me more. So I think just being human, like, no, like there's not a person out there on planet earth that really knows what they're doing, and if they act like they know it all, they're lying, or they have an ego and they're lying. Um, so just chill out, don't be so serious and listen and try to learn and have an open mind and an open heart. And that's that's kind of it for me.
Listening As The Real Help
SPEAKER_00How do you like?
SPEAKER_05Um what advice would you give on like being able to feel for when to inquire more so that person has the chance to open up about that story deeper and be seen versus when to be respectful of painful parts?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think don't be don't be scared of that terrifying awkward pause that everyone hates, and then we try to fill the awkward silence with a stupid question or something, like yeah, I think just learning to just sit in it and just just you don't need to say anything right now, and usually 99% of the time, they'll keep talking. Um and then when they don't, you you can then think of a question. But I think that goes back to listening. Like, if you're truly listening, which I've started to experience this, you you'll be caught a lot of times. I'll be caught with I don't know what to say. Like they're done talking, because I used to just think of what to say while they were talking. Like, okay, what question to ask next?
SPEAKER_04This is the tricky part, bro.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like the what should I and then like I'm just thinking in the look for whatever whenever they're done talking, this is what's coming next, which is fine. But like, yeah, I I I get caught in a lot of situations where they're done talking and they look at me and I'm like, oh shit, like I I got not like I generally I got nothing, but so I think just let it be quiet and silent sometimes. And then you know, I'm not I'm not for everyone. There's there's plenty of times where there's there's a disconnect, and and I we're not really connecting, and and for whatever reason, they there's plenty of reasons why I'm not your style or or you wouldn't like me. Like not everyone likes my podcast and likes um our style, I guess. But and I I just think not letting that bug you is big, like just understanding that and letting that be instead of just trying to have everyone love you and and yeah, I just I understand that I'm not every I'm not everyone's perfect fit, and that's totally fine. Um, go find someone else that you relate to or connect with. That's totally fine.
SPEAKER_05That's really good, man. Like just not trying to manage the reaction you're getting from somebody or performing a certain role to try to garner a certain reaction from somebody, it sounds like it like gives you the presence to be able to listen and connect if the connection's there.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I I think so. And and I don't really know, I didn't really have that skill before my family died. Like I used to just have this people please, like, I still have that a little bit, but yeah, I I just I don't I'm I'm just able to let that go. Like, if I'm not for you and I'm not helping you, then yeah, like you don't need to leave me a mean comment. Like, I don't I don't understand the mean comment, like you should be on your way, but yeah, yeah, that's that's just part of life, man. Like there's a lot of people I am helping, but that's because I don't get caught up in all the people I'm not helping, which is a lot.
The Power Of Silence
SPEAKER_05So how has that how has losing your family shifted your people, please, and tendencies?
SPEAKER_00Oh man, like it's hard to explain because like I I do want people to like me. Like, I hope like you. I hope you like me. I hope this conversation goes well. It's not it's not like I'm an asshole. Like, I I don't care. I do, like, I I want everyone to like me, but I think the difference is just understanding what's in my control and understanding that if I'm just my true authentic self, that's gonna lead me to connect with people that I can help. And the other people, I'm not gonna help. But if I try to play this game of people pleasing and keeping everyone happy, then I'm not my genuine self, and I'm really not helping anyone to the level I could be or should be because I'm not really Mason. I'm just trying trying to fit in and keep everyone happy. So yeah, I think it's just understanding you only have so much energy and time in the day, and so don't put it into areas where you can't control. Like, I can't control if you don't really like me or the podcast. Like, this is just kind of who I am and what it is. So yeah. Sorry, man.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, these are like these are deep, um, deep insights to add a glance or just kind of like uh you know, like you might see it on a poster at Earthbound or something, but like uh the more they settle in, it's really freeing for your soul.
SPEAKER_00Oh, so much so much healthier of a person because of it, and like my own um self-worth is better as well. Instead of just taking everything so personal, like they don't like me, so what's wrong with me? Like, just yeah, I and I also just think just the level of pain of losing two kids and your wife and brother and nephew, like it just automatically shifts you into you know, these other things are just so minimal now. All these things that used to really worry me, like who cares? Next to a dead kid, like yeah, who like who cares? And there, yeah, there's like there's no way I would have started a podcast ever and talked about any of my emotions or feelings ever before my family died. Like, I never would have opened up like that. I would have, I would have cared way too much what other people thought.
Dropping People Pleasing After Loss
SPEAKER_05Dude, how is it how has it been with some of your guests? Like, have you had some guests on that really, really, really obviously you have some people that are like, oh, this is a just conversation about something, and we're gonna get through it and it is what it is, and press record and publish. Um, two questions actually. Have you had any guests that you didn't publish?
SPEAKER_00Um, not on purpose. So we have lost a couple, um, but not like we we had we never interviewed someone like didn't like them, or like, uh, like we're not posting that one. That's never happened.
SPEAKER_04How do you avoid that from happening, man? Does that happen to you?
SPEAKER_05Okay, the second question, the second question is um like what guest, what story fucking really like what's someone that comes to mind that really gave you a lot of strength personally and helped you in that space.
SPEAKER_00Oh man, like I I just want to say all of it, like I just I told you about that lady I just interviewed with her husband shooting himself in the heart. I just did an episode with two moms who both lost a young child to suicide. I just did a podcast with this guy from Canada who took his family to Florida and he got rear-ended by a cement truck, and his two teenage kids were killed. I mean, all these in the car, all these people, man, like it's uh and it's weird because when people tell me like Mason, you're inspiring, it just sounds weird, like well my family died, and it just it doesn't feel like a good thing, but for some reason, like other people, man, yeah, are very inspiring to me, just with how they go about life so quietly and happy and content with so much heartache. Um it I it's honestly like I'm having a really hard time like trying to it's just all of them, dude. Like each story just really impacts me. I I do remember I interviewed this guy named Maui a couple years ago. His he got divorced, his ex-wife married a drug dealer. This drug deal goes wrong, and so these guys show up at his ex-wife's house, and they have they have to murder everyone there, including his son. So his 12-year-old son gets murdered because of this drug deal gone wrong. And then Maui finds his kid, and anyways, I'm talking to this guy and I ask I think I asked him a question about something about happiness or joy, because I'm I'm really struggling with it at the time. Because like it just it just feels like complete betrayal to me. Like, so I asked him like how how do you feel about joy or happiness, and he just is like, oh like I don't care about it, I'm not worried about it, I don't think I'll have that. He's I'm just kind of worried about purpose and surviving and trying to find peace. And just comments like that just hit me so hard. Like, thank you, like I'm not alone, like, but yeah, it it's I don't really have like I really do genuinely appreciate every podcast, and um, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, and I publish, yeah, I yeah, I do like you haven't had one where like the first two minutes you're like fuck. It really happened, but you know, the the advantage I have that you really don't is you know my content is grief, and really people grieve there's really no correct way, and so really there's really no I mean there is, but it's just different, like it's not really like they can start spatting off false information, like if that's their grief experience, then like okay. Yeah, I do do I do think our other topics are a little different, like you can't just have this guy going off giving not good information, like yeah, so that doesn't really happen because I think we just we're a little more we just talk about personal stories and and what happened and and how we deal with it. So that's funny. I've never really thought about that. Uh dude, I was fucking a jump. That's the problem a lot of podcast guests have. That's so funny to think about.
SPEAKER_05I I was just like at the end, almost just like made up a lie at the very end, just be like, oh shit, the audio wasn't recorded, bro.
SPEAKER_01Oh man, sorry I didn't hit record, dude.
SPEAKER_05That's crazy. We just missed that whole convo, bro. But then they'll be like, we could just run it back right now, and like, nah, I think I gotta go, I gotta be somewhere else right now.
SPEAKER_01That's good, dude. Well, we yeah, every episode we we've lost, we have redone, so that's been good.
Stories That Build Quiet Strength
SPEAKER_05What like what is do you have any intention for the energy that you must walk away from these conversations with in a way that like because the whole concept is to try is to to alchemize pain into love, right? Is there is there like a framework or an intention that you apply to kind of help move the rubble forward after heavy heavy chats?
SPEAKER_00I cry, I think I cry a lot is one that I do. Um I think I use laughter, dude. I think I use a lot of dark humor and just joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is probably like the opposite of crying, but I do those two a lot. Um I used I know early on I used to just I used to just smoke weed or drink, right? Like I just couldn't. And which is obviously not good. But so I'm glad to say I don't do that anymore. Um but some of these episodes, like, it's just hard to process, like, they're heavy, dude. And yeah, you're just kind of crying, driving home from it. Um a lot of times you try to stay strong for them in the moment, and I mean you're crying, but then later after you're really crying, having a breakdown. But it's kind of a kind of good tears, kind of like that feeling you get after throwing up, like just a it's a mixed feeling, man. But I mean, some of these people I have on, they haven't talked about it ever or for a very long time. And and it's heavy, man. You can see it in their eyes, they start to shake even. Uh it's not easy to talk about some of these things, but yeah, I I think back to what we were talking about earlier. I just think all the reps, too, you know, like just conversation after conversation. I think my body's just getting used to dealing with the trauma.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
Caring For The Soul Not Fixing
SPEAKER_05Have you ever read the book Um The Care Care of the Soul by Thomas Moore?
SPEAKER_00No, but I love reading. I I I'll read it.
SPEAKER_04What's it about? It's like a kid, a kid at a party like with drugs. Like, I'll I'll do it. I don't agree. I'll read that shit. I love taking pills.
SPEAKER_05I'll take it. Yo, how much? How much is that book? I'll read that, yo. I'll read that shit. Uh, yeah, you should totally read it, man. Thomas More, he's like a clinical psychologist and a monk for a lot of years. And uh, I mean, he's a awesome, he's I think by far my the uh my favorite episode I've ever had was with this whale of a man. Like well, you had him on. Oh man, I did. I didn't even I shoot out tons of emails to people like, let me get you on the show, you know, like and I just airball all day long. Airballing all day long, all the time. And I can't. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take, right? Isn't that 100%? I miss 100% of shots I do take. And one time I got an email back from he's like, Yeah. That's okay. Yeah, so um, yeah, the book The Care of the Soul, the thing I love so much about it is um the whole premise is psychotherapy, translated in the original Greek is psychitherapos, which means care for soul and care for specifically in the sense of uh like a way that you would care for an animal or a person that's terminally ill, that there's no fix, it's just being there present through the different phases of the experience. And he he just juxtaposes that against the way we see that psychotherapy, which is like, how do I fix this? And he's just like it's all fucked.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I need to uh I need to read that shit. It sounds like right up my alley.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, yeah, it's like man, that's it's probably one of my favorite reads. Uh he also has a book called The Soul of Sex, which is a pretty cool but um I like sex, I love sex, man. And and and I love the soul. So sign me up. The soul of sex is cool, man. Like just uh just giving different frames of reference for like for the for the for the sexual experience and what sex is for the for the body, for the emotion. Like one of the cool little lines there is um the body is the soul perceived through the senses, which is like one of the things he talks about quite a bit. Really learning to like honor and um see the the body as like the temple of the soul that dwells within, and the act of merging being one that's really uh just like bring it back a lot of reverence for that whole process, which is kind of sensationalized, you know, often in our media.
SPEAKER_00I think through the media and pornography and all that, like I don't even think we know it's yeah, I think that's a book everyone could read.
SPEAKER_05I think one of the I think one of the greatest uh frames I've ever heard about pornography is like uh pornography is like WWE. It's like just uh, you know, it's inner, it's just an it's just an over-the-top entertainment sensationalized version of fighting or sex, which has nothing at all resembling a real fight like at all.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you watch a real fight, like they're not bro. It's not man suplexes. I like that.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, man. Um yeah, like the just the whole idea that these painful realities, these contradictions in our experience aren't necessarily to be resolved, but instead practicing expanding our heart and relaxing the expectations on reality that we had to where it's wide enough that we can hold the reality that we're in.
Sex And Shame Reframed
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So Brad, what's your what are what's your story? What are you doing with your life? Like why not to just totally change the topic, sorry, but like just hearing you talk about this book. Like I just have like I got some questions for you, dude. And now I'm turning the tables. Like what before man?
SPEAKER_05We're all now on the 1090 podcast.
SPEAKER_00What are you trying to do with this podcast, man? Like what are you what are you doing? Um because like dude I know podcasting. I know you're not making money. If anything you're losing money. So you're just you're doing this because you like it and you're trying to do something.
SPEAKER_05Yeah man the um I just really love I really love whenever someone can give me a useful insight about life and something that they've learned something that um pierces through the mundane and um little nuances about the human experience I fucking hate small talk.
SPEAKER_01I hate the bullshit you know what I'm saying how's the weather over there yeah yeah yeah 100% and so that's what this is all about man.
SPEAKER_05It's just like there are experiences man that I've had in my life insights I feel I've discovered that have helped to free my heart and have helped to really flood my body with energy again. And I just can't help but want to share them. So either I hop on and just do monologues because that's probably I'd say 50% of the podcast on my episodes which this is episode 94 um is just like so think about it this way try this out for size see if this is helpful and then the other 50 is trying to get more of those from other people you uh what's your family life like you have girlfriend wife kids I'm single currently I have um kinda I mean I'm I'm talking to a girl we've been talking for a little bit now um uh not never married or anything man no kids you don't have to have kids nah man no no kiddos um but yeah man like uh I just see this as these like I love my business you know like I love my business that I have and uh I love I love making money and but I I just I'm more drawn to those moments of breakthrough that really free people's heart reconnect them with their sense of being alive and you know like I admire the courage it takes to say the truth and then to live a life that aligns with that truth.
Why This Podcast Exists
SPEAKER_00And so for me man this podcast is all about that and on top of that about making friends because like you know I've been able to make some really cool connections through doing this with people that are so into the to the weeds like I am that it makes me feel seen and understood in a way that you know people that I talk to on a daily basis never could you ever have you did you go through like a a difficult experience or something bad happened to you that made you want to do it to something like this acutely no but I've always been very emotionally sensitive and dealt a lot with a lot of um depression growing up and a lot of pain with the religion I was brought up into and starting going to therapy when I was 18 and just made leaps and bounds of the individualization process uh in a way that gave me a lot of energy of like other people should fucking do this this is like this is really really good you know the the main pain to purpose thing for me has been my relationship to sex with that the whole healing process around sex is the thing that I could talk aimlessly about like the whole the whole like um from a thousand foot view is like race super Christian shame bound sexuality shame fueled consumption addiction all the way down to just like a state of adhedonia and just constant consumption with no feeling to them being like about four years ago like this is fucked and I think I'm still missing out on the thing that I never got and then to begin the healing process of reconnecting to my own sexuality and then moving into like a place of true abundance in terms of like the uh energy and control in my own body like that's the that's the thing that if I really feel like I could help somebody honestly it would be somebody who's struggling with sex addiction that's the people that I would be able to like give them a list of five tips on how to navigate that thing what is sex addiction really like is this like a pornography addiction or like no like you're having sex with people all the time and like how much are we talking?
When Sex Becomes Compulsion
SPEAKER_05Yeah a lot of it's pornography just because the easy access of it's in your pocket you know um but like if you just think about like um uh like a food addiction or something you know some of it's just like looking at thinking about organizing food that you're gonna eat sometimes you're actually eating the food I think the pornography and sex is similar just depending on the the person for me though like I've spent most of my adult life in relationship so and on top of that I've spent most of my adult life with a lot of sexual shame so in an odd way like I didn't feel even comfortable really with my own sexual needs and bringing that into my relationship until I was 25 26 so a lot of it was more so pornography sex workers strip clubs campsites just like anything to try to give a sense of novelty anything to try to give a sense of like um juice in the brain you know because like I mean as a 13 year old 12 or 13 year old kid discovering internet pornography like I thought I found like the treasure cover of like this was like the greatest and still did like I know for a fact I still think I found the treasure cover like and uh I know the feeling dude I know the feeling yeah yeah I was just like this is a thing this exists what like and um like why is anyone leaving their house ever this is awesome why does anyone do anything ever yeah that's exactly how it's a great way to describe the the years to follow that like and then once once every level of consumption became once I habituated to it then it was the next thing so like constant pornography then campsites then strip clubs sex workers then it's just like always always either organizing the next rendezvous and using pornography as kind of like the interim and then it's and then like the where it changed for me man was where it changed for me bro is I was having this fantastic group sex experience my dick wouldn't work it had been that way for a couple years my dick never really wanted to work like and I was so I so wanted everything that we were doing. I was obsessed with it you know like phenon and but my body was just didn't feel nothing like it was just like a completely I had no turn on in my body so that's when I started to realize I think this whole sex addiction thing has nothing to do with my penis. I think there's nothing to do with sex in this whole thing.
SPEAKER_00I think I'm just using sex as the reward to kind of dangle the carrot so to speak like a gambling addict like it's not about money it's about anticipating a reward or shopping they never people who are addicted to shopping they never use the things so and the people that are addicted to food never taste the food they just like it's about lining up the next thing so yeah I mean lots of lots of threads there man had what turn it around for you you just started exercising like a madman or what exercising what do you mean like working out well I don't know like how did well yeah like I you're like the bodybuilder guy now I'm just curious how you got out of all that sex addiction like what helped you break through that or maybe you're still struggling with it or I don't know like yeah like how how you turn it around man it really was because it stopped working like it just stopped being fun that's what I felt like it just became no more fun there was like where sex and pornography and whatever the sexual actor rendezvous was it was gonna be fun once my dick stopped working once I really became aware that like bro from the neck down there's no you don't have there's no feeling good here you're just like feeling like you're going to feel good.
SPEAKER_05Obviously there's an orgasmic release but like you're not this doesn't feel good and you're fucking and and jerking off almost angrily like like you need something like you're trying to light up a cigarette in a windy hall like you know like I'm trying to get some shit and this shit won't work you know so that's what it felt like the wind won't stop blowing man the light goes up and it was like honestly dude I really feel like I dodged a bullet bro because things were getting dark like at the same time I had started doing quite a lot of cocaine when going out and the cocaine really fueled the obsession and the okay cocaine really just lowered everyone's inhibition so like you know like sex and drugs it like supercharge you know and so I was at a place where I was acting out a lot you know and also now using more more and more drugs socially and I was at the bottom of the barrel sort of speaks actually like nothing nothing really gave me any anticipation anymore to fuel that addiction but then when you added the cocaine on it you know like the only thing for me better than being at strip clothes was doing a bunch of cocaine at strip clothes. Then it was fun again then it was enjoyable you know nothing wrong with this picture you know great yeah and um and then not to mention too like the the the enjoy the the glimpse of power you have when you have a bunch of drugs like people are with you they'll do whatever with for drugs they'll do whatever with you because you have drugs and it's you know which that's a weird thing by the way cocaine's more valuable than money that's a weird concept that I discovered like this is only $50 worth of cocaine and the things that we're doing here are worth more than $50 and you've only done three bumps out of this bag like the conversion rate like if you look the if you look at the currency conversion rate cocaine is the biggest like just go convert your dollars to cocaine and then go anyway um that's hilarious but I dodged a bullet man because I was like really browing down and then started
Relearning Pleasure Without Porn
SPEAKER_05pouring some additional fuel on it and um my partner at the time we were in an open relationship and she was like hey like I think I want to close this you know and um it was right after I had become really really aware that this was broken and this wasn't working anymore and this was not this was looking kind of dark and so we did and so I decided to like use that as a good opportunity to start doing the work on myself and I mean I can talk all about the steps that I did if you want to know those yeah well give me some of the first couple ones at least yeah um the first one was just was was being led by pleasure not anticipation like where does this feel good where does this actually feel good in my body so it was a lot of like you know just like um masturbating for the first time without any pornography which is like a a Guinness world record we're here live with Braxton he's about to bust a nut a cappella how long did it take you at no point no it didn't work man it just like you know it was just like feeling the body you know and so it was just stuff like that and then like another thing like here was you know deep in the trenches this was the protocol it was like all right you have one video you get to watch one video so choose wisely and we're not stopping and starting we're gonna hand we're gonna just let the thing go and we're gonna participate in it. We're not gonna be thumbnail surfing this isn't sex doom scrolling we're gonna pick one item we're gonna buy it so like shopping cart you got one cart you got five minutes buy it and bounce you know and so it was like I started kind of kind of sewering my way into the sex world you know like instead of consumption can I appreciate this I started to even this is like the deepest that these are like my deepest field notes I started to even watch porn videos that wasn't even exactly what the person I didn't really think was the the most attractive possible just to try to widen the widen the appreciation lens from like a narrowing of what I found that uh really erotic to being able to appreciate more and more then bro when I started getting pro level I would just be using pictures like I would just have a picture that I would just old school dude I would just be old school in it. And I think what I was doing was just getting away from the super stimulus version of sex to a bit more of the old school version of just like um really contemplating the image really noticing what happens in my body in response to the image as opposed to the the brain's peak of novelty next video peak of novelty trying to sustain that that surge of of dopamine lift and um yeah man it was pretty much my whole sexual uh healing journey has been just a thousand different ways of learning to get back into my own body to feel from my body and yeah that was like the that was the init the initial thing man um that's been a wonderful journey man and like the getting away from pornography has been fantastic like the way it's just energized in my life my body my relationships it's been fantastic bro I never thought I would be where I am to be honest with you I relate it a lot to it obviously especially the religion thing what religion did you grow up in did you say Christian yeah what was your relationship like with your parents they were like extensions of God you know they were like just they were supportive and loving but kind of through the um the the like uh I don't know think about holding a baby with gloves on you know you're like you're there but not really because you're just kind of being present through a role of who you're supposed to be via this this religion so I never I didn't really get to know my parents as in as humans and individuals until like in my later years now. Yeah I was gonna ask you talk to them now I'm fucking they're my homies like my mom and I we've had breakfast every every week for 10 years.
SPEAKER_00We be smoking weed together sometimes like we're chilling bro like we're we're literally the the bee's knees bro we hanging so they're not are they they're not religious or what bro it's wild my whole family's just like exited the whole thing we've been like we're all meeting in the green room like that shit was crazy like what dude how do I I have an eight year old son how do I teach him about sex and porn and how do I have a how do I help him have a healthy relationship with all that is there's something that's you guys are already talking about it so no but he is eight like I like when do you start talking about it I think pretty soon like it's coming soon I need to start talking about it I think right he's on is he on socials noes he have a phone that he has access to to pornography he does have an iPad um so he's on porn sex probably like because I grew up in a very religious home too and like there's just dude I don't there's no communication or talk about sex like I literally had to learn everything from pornography.
Talking To Kids About Sex
SPEAKER_01Which learn not which taught you nothing the worst like first of all like why is my dick so small everyone's dick in here like just dealing with like this body dysphorbia like and the girls don't look like that either it's just 100% anyway anyway it's the WWE example was was very good.
SPEAKER_00So just but like just trying to like how do I communicate this world to blue as he gets older because I don't want to be like my parents like if you look at porn you're going to hell and you're the worst like I don't want it to do to to be that because those emotions he has are normal like he's gonna not want to do that. So I don't know I just I know you don't have any kids but just trying to break this mold of growing up in this religious household with these unrealistic expectations about sex and masturbation I just from your experience I didn't know if you had any advice or good ideas of of what to do I just I think talking about it is helpful though. I I think not talking about it is not helpful.
SPEAKER_05Agreed man I don't know how you would I don't know how you would um like I don't spend a lot of time around kids so like my idea of like psychological development at different ages I don't have a good grasp on it but like obviously talking about it is great and say and I think that one of the greatest things that you can do is just you yourself not have shame around sex. And if you are saying like yo blue right yeah yeah blue like you know how when you like when you're in the shower the water touches your penis or sometimes it feels good like that's awesome man like see now you someone rubs your shoulders and it feels good like the body has sense senses that feel fantastic and a lot of those feel good areas are in your private parts and that's if you touch yourself and it feels That's awesome. Um, if if someone ever else wants to touch you, you have to give them a thumbs up. If you don't give them a thumbs up and they want to touch you, that's not okay. And that's where you come talk to me. But if you're with someone and they want to touch you or you want to touch them and they're both giving thumbs up, that's good. You guys can massage, you guys can play, do your thing. Um now this the pornography thing is tricky because it's so powerful. It's so captivating. And I think that telling a young mind that porn is an interesting thing. Some people watch porn and it's really lovely for them, and they enjoy it. And it it turns them on, it makes their penis feel good, and it's part of like their their kind of thing. It's like part of the routine. For a lot of people, porn is a lot different than the feel-good parts of your body, because it's more like watching, you know, when you watch your iPad for hours and hours and hours, and you just like watch the videos of whoever, uh Bluey, I don't know, just it's crazy we're having these porn conversations and referencing Bluey as a kind of like welcome to Tony's like, you know, like it's like playing, you know how you know how when we wrestle together, me and you on the floor, we wrestle and it's fun, and we both are breathing and we're both laughing. That feels good. You know how when you play video games until six o'clock in the morning and your eyes are bloodshot, and you're like you feel almost drained, but you can't stop playing it. For some people, that's what porn's like, and that can get a little risky. So if you ever find that you're watching porn and you're not having the kind of fun we have when we wrestle and you're not smiling, and it may be time to take a break. And you can always talk to me about it because I have lots of experience here. You know, that might be the conversation I would have.
Porn In Relationships And Red Flags
SPEAKER_00What's your opinion with porn and relationships?
SPEAKER_05You know, people are different. Uh, and for some people, pornography is really erotically stimulating for them in a way that doesn't create compulsive use. And it's like a, you know, like it's like smoking some weed uh and having a good time. With maybe some people like use it when they're with their partner and they're like, it adds kind of this erotic energy in the room, maybe it's taboo, you know, and it really enhances the sexual experience in a way that amplifies what's already there. I think that's probably a very important distinction. It's not, we're not borrowing from the porn to create the turn-on. The turn-on's already there, and it's enhanced by this feeling of um others and maybe kind of like almost a simulated group sex type dynamic in the room. That's probably the biggest, that's probably one of the biggest distinctions I would draw. Um, in relationship, though, like I think of the tricky part, man, um, is what you're training your body to do when you how you're how you're conditioning your body uh to engage with sex when you view porn as sex. Because pornography, think about the whole practice of watching porn. You know, you're like sitting in a chair and you're hunched over and you're like scrolling this screen and you're like not even aware of your breath, you know, and your body's kind of stiff, and for a lot of people, they're doing it kind of in a secret place, and your body's not moving, you're just jerking off. That experience from a just a purely physical movement perspective is completely different than when you're having sex with somebody else. And so, unfortunately, if the majority of your sexual, and I would use air quotes on that, sexual experiences are in that practice, then when you go to have sex with someone else, they're almost an object for you to use. They're almost like a a convenient inconvenience in a way, because it's nice to be with another person's body, but you're still gonna kind of masturbate with them now instead of practicing the sexual experience, if that makes sense.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Um, and then too, like the whole the whole doom scrolling thing with pornography is where it's where I think it's a big red flag. If you watch a porn video and it turns you on, and you're like, this is it ignites my arousal. I I don't struggle with arousal, I can feel aroused by touching myself, I can feel my turn on, and this just really uh uh invites more of that in my body. I'm not relying on an external stimulus, I'm just inviting it to participate in this thing that already is enjoyable for me. Cool. But if you're not if you're not feeling good, if you can't get turned on and you need this super stimulus of pornography, then I think that's an indication that there is something, something way off there, man.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, my next question is gonna be because like a you know, a lot of the answers to the pornography questions are like, you know, everyone's just kind of different and it impacts them different. And so my question was gonna be like, when would you say, like, okay, you cross the line into the the danger zone? And I think that's probably one of them, is what you just said, don't you think?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, when you can when you ask yourself, am I doing this? Like, am I doing this because I'm turned on? That's the biggest question if I could give any any person that's struggling with this. Use that, use that. I can do whatever I want. I can watch whatever porn I want. I can hire a sex worker, I can go to a strip club, I can do anything I want. As long as in my body below my belt, I feel aroused. It's just like the same frame of eat of for like a food addiction. I can eat whatever I want as long as I'm hungry and I'm not full. I can eat when I'm hungry and I'm I can't eat when I'm full. Anytime in between that, that's an embodied practice, and I'm game for it. So you feel down, stressed, irritated, you feel that kind of need, like you're in a hot car, someone get me out of here. I need my fix. This is uh this is not the time to use.
SPEAKER_00Well, dude, like porn and sex, like it is a great escape. Like what dealing with grief, like when I wanted to escape it, like you could drink, you could smoke, but looking at porn or sex takes your mind completely out of it, at least for those few minutes or seconds. Like it is a very powerful numbing stimulus. I think a lot of us use to regulate our emotions, like stress, anxiety. Um yeah, and and then the worst, the one of the worst things that dude, for some reason, it's way easier to talk about cocaine addiction, drug addiction, then porn addiction. Like it's just something that no one really wants to say that they do for some reason. I mean, porn like it's a really hard for people to get help because it's just so taboo to even talk about. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, yeah, 100%. Makes me think about that Jim Gaffkins bit uh where he's like, um, he's like, everybody, every time you talk about McDonald's, people are always like, oh, gross. But there's 8 billion people on this planet and they sell six billion hamburgers a day. Someone's fucking lying.
SPEAKER_01Like we don't, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, yeah. Pornography and McDonald's are the same. Like in the drive-thru at McDonald's, you're it's that's porn. Like it's the same thing.
SPEAKER_00No, for no. So I'm glad that uh you're able to talk about it, man. I think definitely help a lot of guys for sure. Yeah, man. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05I think that um I think the um if you're not turned on and you're doing it, then that's that's a a good time to back out. And too, man, like the motivation for it too is like you're ruining it. Like you're ruining this thing. Um without the need for it, there's no pleasure. Like without the need for it, there's no enjoyment. It's just um you're like trying to get back, you're down regulated, you're trying to get back to a sense of neutrality. That's not a pleasureful experience, that's return to baseline. Like get to baseline and then add on top of that to feel good, you know. Yeah, yeah.
Reading History To Escape The Phone
SPEAKER_05Um, you've been reading some books recently, man.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, dude. I've been uh reading all of uh Bill O'Reilly's uh killing series. So I read Killing Lincoln, uh Killing the Witches, and then Killing Jesus. Then I just finished uh Killing Kennedy. So what's this whole what's the whole killing series?
SPEAKER_05Like what's the whole thought process here?
SPEAKER_00Dude, I don't know, but he uh he's he's got a bunch of them, like close to ten. They're just so well written, they're so good, they're so entertaining. And you talk about pornography being a distraction, I feel like reading's been a really good distraction for my brain. I hate like how much I'm on my phone, like I just hate it. Like when my screen time pops up every Sunday, like I'm just ashamed of myself. Like, oh my god. Um wait on the screen time? Can I say something?
SPEAKER_05Oh yeah, go for it. I was on a date the other day with that girl, and I was showing something on my phone, and my screen time popped up.
SPEAKER_04And bro, like the way it made me feel was like the same way if like another girl texted me. I was like, oh fuck, it's like your screen time was 10 hours and 20 minutes per day. And I was like, Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Now I'm in the gym, dude.
SPEAKER_00I was just like like I can't, like, I can't, and so that I just had some some motivations behind it, but really like the books are so good. I've just been caught in them all day. Um, and it's just fun to uh to learn about all the history, dude. Like, I'm so dumb. I didn't know all this stuff, and it's honestly just refreshing to kind of know stuff that's going on. So I love the reading, man. I I'll definitely read that book you brought up. Um, yeah, it's been good.
SPEAKER_05Uh what have you learned, man? Like, what is on the tip of your tongue?
SPEAKER_00Okay, speaking of sex addict, JFK was a sex addict.
SPEAKER_05With uh Monica Lewinsky, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Well, that was one of them, Marilyn Monroe. Uh Monroe? Night, yeah, 19-year-old secretary of the White House. It didn't matter, dude. Said in the book, if he didn't have sex once a day, he'd get like migraine headaches. So I'm pretty sure this is like sex addict. And then JFK, dude, like, I mean, I haven't read all the books, but he he's dealing with the Bay of Pigs, the war in Vietnam, social injustice in Alabama, Martin Luther King, uh Cuban Missile Crisis, Cold War. Like, he's dealing this is a tough time to be president, dude. Like, his the stress he's under. So just reading all that stuff. JFK. Yeah, his wife, Jackie, was also a hottie. They and everyone just loved him. And then uh Frank Sinatra was in with the mafia and may have helped JFK get the mafia, may have helped JFK get votes to become president. Just like insane stuff, dude. That you're just and then what's weird about history is like if one thing goes different, like if he answers a phone in time or doesn't answer the phone in time or gets this mess, like it's just crazy how different our world would look if just it's the butterfly effect, like reading.
SPEAKER_03That's always so interesting to look at, man.
SPEAKER_00Insane to me. So anyway, I don't want to bore you with all that shit, but uh no man, it's I've done a sponge, it's been good.
SPEAKER_05I I dig the uh I dig the format of your uh your videos on the funny you just like put a book down and just go right into the storytelling.
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah, I only have three minutes, like so I gotta get rolling. Yeah, and yeah, dude. There's a lot to cover.
SPEAKER_05So that's funny. Yeah, what are your favorite books that you've ever read, man?
Books That Help Grief Make Sense
SPEAKER_00I love uh The Obstacle is the way. It's a Ryan Holiday book about stoicism. I read that that was probably the first book I read after the car accident with my family, and just like that stoic mindset of like what happened happened. Like, what are you gonna do about it now? And you kind of the thing you're running from is kind of what you need to be facing, and it and is your ticket out of here. Like the only way out is through the obstacle, is the way. So that was a very inspiring book.
SPEAKER_05It seems like that specific lesson, it the most challenging part is that the beginning of that journey is the acceptance of the event.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And I I think I think what helped me accept that is reading and listening to other people's stories and how awful that their stories are. Like, like back to JFK, like his wife had two miscarriages. They had a a baby that was born and only lived 39 hours, crushed him. So, yeah, I I I think just realizing because at first I had I had a I had a such an easy life, dude. Like, I middle class kid, played college basketball, married high school sweetheart, just never really had anything that difficult ever. And then boom. So like I really went through this change, like I just remember feeling so alone and so unique in my pain, and then realizing, like, oh Mason, like just go knock on your neighbor's door, dude. Like, everyone is dealing with something, and and so just you know, realizing that was very humbling for me.
SPEAKER_05Well, I interrupted you with that question.
SPEAKER_00Uh, favorite books though, like uh No Obstacle is the way I really like.
SPEAKER_05Um did you I saw I saw a book on your uh story at one point. Um oh go for it.
SPEAKER_00No, I like this one a lot. I like uh this one by Colin Campbell, finding the words. Oh, what's the um yeah, what's the what's kind of the the takeaway on that I'm in? So Colin, dude. I had Colin on my podcast. Um this guy's freaking genius, dude. What's his name? But he lost two kids to a drunk driver. Um, and so he just talks about grief and finding the words and how you're probably not ever really gonna find them, but the point is to try to find them and talk about it. Um so really like that book impacted my life in a big way as well. Um what you said the synopsis was like I think community, like he's he's kind of like an atheist, but culturally his he's Jewish, his wife is Jewish. He talks about how the Jewish culture has this beautiful way of helping people grieve, and they show up at their house like every day and they cry together, and and they it's it was just very different from my experience. Um and the thing that I love about Colin Campbell is he just says a lot of the things I'm thinking, but he's he's very smart and he can actually put it into words much better than I can. And but he says similar things that I'm like a lot of people tell me, like, oh, they're in a better place, like your kids are in a better place. And I remember Colin Campbell talking about this, and he said he's like, Well, what I tell him is, well, go home and kill your kids then yeah, he's the man, dude.
SPEAKER_01Like he just has these balls, like he'll just say it.
SPEAKER_00And like I always want to say that, but like I just I'm too nice if it calls like like what are you saying? Like, actually think about it. Like, go home and kill your kids then. Like, if you truly think they're in a better place, like and just so things like that. I just like this book I'm reading, I'm just like, hell yeah, dude. Like, fuck it. Get him, bruh. Yeah, so there's so much of that, and then just you know, he his ability to I don't want to call it an angry phase because like you're still kind of always dealing with the anger, but the the ability that he was able to get to of just appreciating life again and finding joy with the sadness, which is very motivating to me, and um just set a good example that someone can go through tragedy that's really unfair and still live a very productive, meaningful life. Um, and I just love the his balance. I think he's he's balancing the pain and honoring his daughters, Ruby and Hart, that were killed, and then also balancing that with joy and and moving forward and continuing to to live a life that they would be proud of. So I just appreciate that that he gave from that book.
Joy Without Betraying The Dead
SPEAKER_05The um that idea of uh happiness betrayal kind of thing. Like, I'm happy I and how can I I feel guilty for feeling happy? Yeah, like uh how have you and the guests on your show made sense of that, learned to navigate that, do that in a really in a good way?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think one, just all the guests show just showed me that it's possible, like just seeing it. Like, oh wow, like this is legit. Like these people are truly heartbroken and at the same time, you know, truly happy living a good life. How are they doing that? So I think just seeing it and just seeing that it was possible was big, and then just I always thought people were lying if they said they were happy, and and these people I believed, like, because they talked about the misery part, yeah. Um, and so I I I don't time doesn't heal all wounds. I think that's that's not true, but I think what the time has allowed is just the strength and the ability to take all the pain that's still there, but now have the ability to take in some laughs or have a good day or fall in love again with a girl, or you just have more space to do that. It's not that the pain isn't there, and it doesn't mean that because you have the presence of joy, the sadness has to leave. It's they can just coexist together, and and that's um yeah, I like to think that's kind of where I'm at now more than where I was a few years ago. I felt like at the beginning I had to pick one, like are we mad today or are we happy moving forward today? And now I kind of understand it's just always both. I think it's just both of those things all the time.
SPEAKER_05You ever heard like the uh I think the box, like uh I don't know the actual name for it, the box and a ball analogy for the yeah, yeah. I think that's really cool.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so like there's a button in the box, yeah, yeah, right? Yeah, and the beginning of grief, the ball's really big, like it's basically just sitting on the button, and then the box gets bigger as time goes on, and then this ball will start to roll, and every once in a while it'll hit over that button, you know, the waves of grief. But yeah, a lot of people have brought that uh analogy, and uh it's a good one, yeah. So I think the box has gotten bigger, um, but the buttons definitely still there for sure. Yeah.
Daily Rituals And Dark Humor
SPEAKER_05Do you do any type of like uh like uh intentional remembering and reflecting, or do you just allow life to to throw you those memories?
SPEAKER_00No, so I uh so this is my wall.
SPEAKER_02Oh, it's awesome.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, so no, I uh it it it's not um pretty inconsistent. Um like it's not like I come into this room every day and stare at the wall. Well, I mean, sometimes I do, yeah, but no, I try to be intentional every morning with a thought, um, or just talking to them, um, or sometimes it's writing. A lot of the times it's music. I'll listen to music and just Whatever song pops in on the Spotify shuffle will mean something. Um so yeah, it's a very it's very different every day, but uh the balancing act is really important, and I and so yeah, I do like it doesn't even have to be sad necessarily, but just talking about them. And then every night when I tuck Blue in, um, we say goodnight to Courtney Regan's Frankie Race and Ryder. Uh we say goodnight, and if you guys don't have to sleep, then we'll see you in the morning. I don't I don't know why if that even makes sense, but it's just something me and Blue say every night when we go to bed. Um but yeah, I think that just helps with your ability to to have joy and feel happy is by just honoring them and keeping them alive by talking about them.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Do you ever you ever think about them watching you in a comical way?
SPEAKER_00Like oh, all the time. I saw like I was just with a group of people the other day, and someone ripped ass in the middle, and I just thought of race, like that's race just pranking me, like oh, all the time, man. Uh I'm at the skate park and kid skates behind like that. Looks just like Ryder. Like, that kid looks just like Ryder. Um, so yeah, they're just kind of all over the place. Like, have you ever seen the movie A Beautiful Mind? Uh, with uh who's the actor? Jim Carrey?
SPEAKER_01Kurt or Russell Crowe. Why am I thinking Jim Carrey? Is it anyway?
SPEAKER_00It's kind of like schizophrenia or something, and so like he sees all these, he sees these imaginary people. I haven't seen it. He like talks to them all day. Anyway, like that's like what I feel like. I just am talking to these dead people all day. And it does kind of get funny sometimes, like yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_05The sense of humor, man, it's like it's it's the healing part, right?
SPEAKER_00You gotta have one, man. I don't know how I'd survive without it. You truly just have to laugh at how funny it is. It's all it's just a joke.
SPEAKER_05I uh my one of my trainers at the studio, like he um he just tragically lost his uh his dad, and um it was like it's probably like two years ago, and um they were trying to get a hold of his mom. They live separately, like they're his mom and dad are separate. His dad passed away, and they were trying to get a hold of their mom to tell her, and they couldn't get a hold of her, and just found out that she had like died in her apartment, like just like a random thing, completely unrelated. She didn't even know that he had died. Like, less than 24 hours later, he called the game and was like, My mom just died too. Like, so I was like, What? You know, and um, so he flew up to Chicago to be with his family, and I went up there to go just see him a couple days later, and we were we were at a red light, and uh he was sitting there, he had two two vapes in his hand, hitting them both, and his brother was like, Jesus, Mike, two vapes, and he's like, one for each parent 48 hours after.
SPEAKER_01You gotta love that. You gotta love that. Like, yeah, man. Exactly, man. You gotta laugh or cry.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Do you know do you know um what's his name? Seth Gale. Seth Gale, yeah. You do know Seth. Yeah, Gayley? Yeah. I just picked up, I just started reading his book last night. It seems pretty cool. Yeah, I have it around here somewhere. Strength Beyond the Shadows or Strength.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's good, man. This story's freaking brutal, but yeah, he uh I had him on. Yeah. Oh man, maybe a couple years ago now, dude. Time's kind of just flying by. Okay, so you published that one. Yeah, you have to go find it. But yeah, it I uh we recorded. I we're good buddies, kinda. We we message each other every now and again, and that's awesome. He's he's getting after it.
SPEAKER_03Did you have him on your podcast? We're planning it.
SPEAKER_00Dude, you'll love him. Yeah, he's he'll open up and say whatever, dude. That's cool, man. Yeah, that's cool.
SPEAKER_01Um so when you when you have him on and tell him I say hello. I will, man.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely will.
A Book Idea And A Missing Thumb
SPEAKER_03Um, please do that for me.
SPEAKER_05Well, um, have you written a book?
SPEAKER_00Have I written a book?
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Dude, I uh actually try I've tried. I just start crying and then I get mad and then I stop, and then when I pick up to keep doing it, like the next day I'll I'll read back what I wrote. I'm like, this is a dog. So I keep erasing and starting. I don't think I'll I don't know if I can ever do it, dude. Just it's just my brain, I cannot stay on a linear thought process. Like I just start bouncing around. But I I've thought about it and I've and I've tried. I just I don't know if if I can do it yet.
SPEAKER_05What if you instead reached out to everybody who's been on the show and asked them to write a three to four-page little excerpt and you can do a compilation? That is a good idea. Dude, that might be it right there, bro. And then you could just write your four-page uh shitty story that you look back and go, well, that's dog shit, but it's only four pages.
SPEAKER_00No, I really like that. Got me thinking now, dude. Boom, go for it, bro. There's your there's the plus they they do all the work.
SPEAKER_01I don't even really have to do anything either. Like they just they're that's it.
SPEAKER_05And then you write a four four-page book and then what happened to your thumb. Oh, I should have mentioned that when you said have ever experienced tragic loss. That's the finger, bro. Anyway, check it, bro.
SPEAKER_04I can do this shit right here real good. Oh hey, I did that one time at a at a festival when a when people were on a bunch of LSD, and that was really funny.
SPEAKER_05Um, yeah, man, I was I was, you know, I'm saying, just doing a normal uh day's work. I was two years old and I had I was watching the Bob the Builder show. Yeah, my mom and dad, they had a ladder out. They're putting stuff into the attic, and I climbed up the ladder, and then I missed a step and fell down it. And like, you know how in each step there's a little tiny bracket reinforcement that just my thumb was right in there, dude. So I went down the thumb state up and I was eliminated.
SPEAKER_01That's rough, dude. I thought for sure it's gonna be like a weight lifting, dude.
SPEAKER_04Like that's the heaviest weights ever, man.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, yeah, dude. Took it off, man. Yeah, that's so that's that's the best review I can ever give anything. I'm like, it's a one and a half thumbs up, bro. That's a raving review for me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, good thing you can laugh about it, dude.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, 100%. Is there any uh anything coming up for you, man, that you're really looking forward to? Professionally, personally?
SPEAKER_00Um I don't think my next speaking gigs till like June or something. Um so I got a couple months off.
SPEAKER_05What do those look like typically, man?
SPEAKER_00So if it's a corporate gig, I I it's like ten thousand dollars, and then if I speak at a school, like a high school, it's around twenty five hundred dollars, and then if it's like a private, like sometimes I'll speak like a school, they just had a suicide, and the community wants to do an event, and they they'll hire me to come speak. Like, I'll do that for free.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, so just it just kind of depends, but sometimes I show up and it's like a big deal, like people are dressed up and there's food, and I'm speaking for a long time, and there's a thousand people,
Speaking Work And Giving Money Away
SPEAKER_00and then other times there's just 13 dudes, and so I just I don't really do my research, like I just say yes, and I show up, so I'm not really sure what I'm even walking into half the time, but that's kind of kind of the way I like it for some reason. Uh, but and the smaller groups are nice, it's a little more intimate. You're people are crying and asking questions. The bigger groups are are good, but the light's just in your eyes, and you're just looking out into a sea of blackness, like, and I'm just crying. Is anyone even out? Like, I think it's just weird, but sounds like life, yeah. So, and then so that that I mean it it's been a a journey though. Like, it I've been doing it for years now, so it started off just doing all of them for free and slowly started to make some money and turn that into a uh uh fundraiser. What's the word that we use? Uh non-profit. So I have a non-profit, so all the money I make through my public speaking we donate to families. So this year we're gonna donate all the money I make through speaking to this kid named JP. He has cancer. Um, this is his third time with leukemia. The first time he got it, he was two years old. So he's been battling uh his whole life's just been cancer. So he's he's 16 right now. So yeah, that's where we're giving the money. Um and then yeah, I'm just podcasting, upload one once a one a week. Um have two episodes tomorrow. So yeah, just plugging right along. Do you do you work a separate job on top of this stuff? Just the basketball training and the grief guide work. Uh the grief guide stuff. But the thing that's nice with those is they're very like I can just say yes or no, whatever. Like they're very flexible, so I can do those whenever. So it's nice.
SPEAKER_05Um I have uh a client at the studio. Her name is Hazel, she's about 80 years old. I think she's 76. Sorry, Hazel, if you listen to this. And she does she does traumatic grief counseling, that's her whole thing. Oh nice. She's like the coolest lady, man. Like such a one of the people that you meet, and you're like, oh, you're a real person. That's good. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Anyways, I uh we had like a little uh advertisement photo shoot at the gym last weekend, and one of the pictures was like everybody in the group in front of the building and holding up a sign and whatnot. And it was such a perfect picture until I zoomed in on Hazel, and she's leaned over like this, going to the camera.
SPEAKER_04And uh flipping the camera off, man, with both fingers a 77-year-old, and I screenshot it and said it to her. I said, You're the greatest person I've ever met.
SPEAKER_01That was so great, good for Hazel, man. That's like very yeah, man.
SPEAKER_05Well, um, dude, it's all it's good to chat with you. It's been a couple years since we chatted, so I guess I'll probably chat with you in a couple more years. Or less than that, dude.
SPEAKER_01We can't, I mean, whatever.
SPEAKER_04Hey, I'm excited about the book, man. It's already, I mean, like, so check that out. You could give it a 14-day deadline. You could hit these people and say, I need it in 14 days. You could have the whole book done in two weeks. It's not a bad idea at all, honestly.
SPEAKER_05And then you can feed the whole thing to ChatGPT and say, just polish up their writing styles, make sure to keep them individual. Man, you're you're you're smart over there.
SPEAKER_03Come on, bro. Come on, bro. Well, thanks for having me on, man. I appreciated
Where To Find Mason
SPEAKER_03it. All right, Mason. Uh, and everybody for listening, thanks for uh checking it out. If you want to find Mason, Mason, where do they find you?
SPEAKER_00Uh 1090 rule on Instagram. Uh have a website too. So check this out. What's the website? The1090.com.
SPEAKER_05The1090.com or base install your M A S O N S A W Y E R on socials. Check it out. There you go. Thanks, man.