Hollywood Confessional

The Things We Do For Love

• Ninth Way Media • Season 3 • Episode 8

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How far would you go to make a movie? This week's confessor had to face that question within minutes of taking a gig co-producing an indie film... and personally, we're still recovering 😩😩😩

Sweet-talking property managers, hustling for food donations, and petting cockroaches (😱) is just the beginning. When our confessor learns they need an extra $10K for post-production, they set out on a high-stakes mission to find investors in, shall we say, unexpected places.

"I started thinking. Who do I know who has cash on hand and might be willing to take on this kind of risk? I thought of these two guys I know. Two brothers. They were business owners, gamblers. Maybe they were the type of guys I was looking for."

An "only-in-Hollywood" moment ensues as our confessor tries to get that bag and realizes they've gone a little farther than they intended to. But will it all be worth it in the end? Check out the episode to find out and let us know @fessuphollywood how far you've gone to make your filmmaking dreams come true!

#filmmaking #indiefilm #fessuphollywood

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Hollywood Confessional is a Ninth Way Media production, produced by Meagan Daine and J.R. Zamora-Thal.

Sound Effects and Music provided by Zapsplat and Pixabay.

Keywords: filmmaking podcast, film podcast, screenwriting podcast, entertainment podcast, Hollywood, filmmaking, writerslife, actorslife, setlife

Speaker 1:

In nomine Cinema e TV, espiritu Streaming Amen.

Speaker 2:

Hello Hollywood faithful, Welcome back to another episode of the Hollywood Confessional. I am your favorite podcast priest, Megan Dane.

Speaker 1:

And I'm your real favorite podcast priest, Jarrah Zamora-Thal. I was supposed to have a nice moment where I welcome you back, but I don't know if I want to now.

Speaker 2:

Oh boo, Well, you can welcome me back. I take back everything I said.

Speaker 1:

All right, well, welcome back Megan to America.

Speaker 2:

Yay.

Speaker 1:

You were off doing something very fun. Why don't you tell the people?

Speaker 2:

I was, I was, uh, I was in canada, in toronto, on set like hanging out with our crew for cross season two, which is super awesome I'm so jealous yeah, it was so much fun. I have to say um toronto in the winter not super fun it's tough yeah, I'm so bundled up, I can't even see, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and also last season everybody was masked and you know we were still following COVID protocols. So this season felt like a completely different, like vibe. Everybody was so happy wearing t-shirts and shorts and smiling and out in the sun and you know, it was just. It was just so much fun to see how everything is coming together and what all goes into actually making a thing.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, Did anything surprise you about what went into the process?

Speaker 2:

There are so many things that you don't think about. Right, if you're just doing your thing you're a writer, you're an actor, you're a costume designer, whatever you are and you just focus on that, there's so many other little aspects that you don't think about, and one of the things that I never thought about is the mechanism by which blood is produced, and apparently it's very difficult to control. It's like they've been doing it kind of the same way for a very long time. From what I come to understand, this is something that I didn't know about until I was on set.

Speaker 2:

It was just a really interesting thing to get to talk to the people that make blood happen and like the process that they have to go through, and not only that that they have to go through, and not only that, but like you may not think about, if a character bleeds, then you have to plan your entire day around that blood, because you can't shoot anything immediately after the blood happens, because you have to stop and you have to clean everything up and you have to give the actor new clothes and then you have to redo their makeup and everything has to be reset. It takes a really long time. So, like you basically shoot everything you possibly can leading up to the blood, and then you come back and you set up for the stunt and then you do it and everybody is just praying that it goes perfectly the first time, so we can all go home, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Now that actually reminds me I shot my own short God, five years ago now, and we had a scene with blood and we saved it for the very last bit of the day. It was like 4am by the time we got to it.

Speaker 1:

We shot it and I remember everybody left set and set was my apartment and I was there with one of my best friends and we fell asleep on the floor trying to clean a bloody pentagram up off of my apartment floor and it was just, oh, it was so much I vowed never to work with blood again.

Speaker 2:

Oh my God. Well, that actually is a perfect segue. I didn't intend to segue like this, but it is a perfect segue into our story for this week, which is very much about all of the stuff that goes into making the thing.

Speaker 1:

Perfect, let's get into it.

Speaker 2:

Let's step into the booth.

Speaker 3:

Forgive me, Father, for I went way too far to get funding for a movie.

Speaker 1:

Oh God, how far is too far.

Speaker 2:

I guess we'll find out.

Speaker 3:

It all starts with a dream, right? I don't like the word dream when it's applied to filmmaking. Work in the industry for a week, and you'll know it's not a fucking dream. It can be fun and exciting on good days, but 99% of the time it's a ridiculously hard reality. Even so, the way I started it was kind of a dream. I didn't grow up in the industry, didn't even think of going into entertainment, but I took one class at a community college and I made a shitty little short film, and in the process I got sort of blinded by this vision. I was like this is what I'm meant to be in life. Side note even in my dreams I was not meant to be a director. It's good to get that out of the way. I mean, I was terrible at it. The film was awful and, quite frankly, I didn't really enjoy it. What I discovered in the process of making this shitty little film, though, was that I really liked producing.

Speaker 2:

Whoa plot twist.

Speaker 3:

I mean, producers get a bad rep a lot of times because they deal with money. But to me, money is just a means to an end. You have to have money to get to the fun part. But the fun part is the people Getting a bunch of smart, creative people together and making sure all the pieces are in place for them to do the right thing and tell a great story. I mean, that's the rush.

Speaker 3:

So after I made that first film, I had this vision that I was going to produce movies and I started looking for the next one to work on. At the time I was living in, which sounds like a drawback, but it actually wasn't, because this was the early days of DSLR cameras. For you youngins who were probably still in diapers back then, that means digital instead of film. When cameras were all film, it was very expensive and technically difficult to make a movie. You had to have a lot of training and special skills. But when DSLR cameras came out to the market, they opened up filmmaking to almost everyone, which turned out to be a good and bad thing, I guess, depending on how you look at it. Turned out to be a good and bad thing, I guess, depending on how you look at it On the plus side.

Speaker 3:

It meant that, even though I was kind of in the boonies, there were a lot of movies being made in my area and as an aspiring producer, I was sort of a hot commodity. Basically, nobody wants to produce. They all want to be actors or writers or directors. So even though I had one bad short under my belt, I quickly got an interview for my next job. The job title was co-producer on an independent feature, but that doesn't really mean anything. There are lots of different kinds of producers executive producers, line producers, associate producers, field producers and they don't all have hard and fast definitions, especially on indie films. You could donate three weeks worth of hamburger helper to a movie and get executive producer credit.

Speaker 1:

Ah yes, hamburger, helping your way to the top.

Speaker 3:

No. So I knew I was applying to be a co-producer, but going into the interview I didn't really know what that meant. I met the executive producer, who was also the writer and the director and the editor and the star oh no, please stop. I'm pretty sure he was also the costume director. Anyway, we met him at a coffee shop, or I met him at a coffee shop. We talked about my experience. I basically had none.

Speaker 3:

He seemed cool about that. Actually, he seemed cool all around, maybe a tiny bit desperate. He said he'd already shot part of the film. Everything was great, but he just needed a little help finishing it. I said, no problem, I don't have a lot of experience, but I'll do whatever it takes to get this thing done. I later learned that this is a terrible thing to say in a job interview or potentially bad. I mean, I guess it depends on who you're dealing with, but if you say you'll do anything, some types of people will call you on it. And it turned out that this director, slash writer, slash star, slash executive producer was one of those kinds of people. My first day on the job he introduced me to his pet cockroaches.

Speaker 1:

Some animals are not pets.

Speaker 3:

He kept them in an aquarium in the front room of his apartment, which was also the production office.

Speaker 2:

Of course it was.

Speaker 3:

I walked in, looked around at all these stacks of paper and movie posters, and then there was this aquarium with a bunch of roaches in it and the director, who was sort of this big intimidating guy, saw me looking at them and went want to hold them.

Speaker 1:

Oh hell no.

Speaker 3:

I did not want to hold them, but I did sort of pet one to show I wasn't afraid.

Speaker 2:

Oh my God. No, I mean it was in a cage.

Speaker 3:

Come on, guys, you gotta be willing to pet a few cockroaches in this industry. I basically waited until he went out to smoke a cigarette and then rushed into the kitchen to wash my hands and throw up a little bit. Then he came back in and showed me some of the dailies from the film. I liked it. It was a fun little crime comedy. Like I said, he shot about half of it already and he needed money to finish. By the way, did I mention I was working on spec? No, come on. Oh yeah, I mean, part of the deal was that once I came on board, I could take over some of the day-to-day management. What I now realize was production coordinating and AD work, which he had also been doing which might explain why he looked a little desperate in the interview and that would free him up to start taking meetings to bring in more investors.

Speaker 3:

In retrospect that sounds insane, but at the time it wasn't so crazy. Again, this was the early days of digital, but it was pre-iPhone movies. So there was a huge amount of energy and buzz about digital storytelling, but it wasn't something that literally everybody in the world was doing just yet. People were excited about the potential and when people get excited about something, money just flows. So in my head, my role as co-producer was basically to do whatever it took to get this multi-hyphenate into a position where he could get people excited about his film. He needed about 10 grand to finish the movie and pay for posts 10 grand.

Speaker 1:

That's it. Wait, was he.

Speaker 3:

Oh. So the editor and post supervisor and BFX guy and so on. He needed $10,000 and anything he got beyond that could go to paying me. So I said, sure, that sounds great. And I petted the cockroaches and then we got to work. I mean, the script was a disaster. It was so full of typos I literally couldn't read it. So I didn't.

Speaker 3:

I just started showing up at call time introducing myself as the new co-producer, telling people they were doing a great job and I would watch and see what people needed. The first thing I noticed was that they needed a lookout, meaning, since there was no money, there was also no film permits. Technically we weren't allowed to be on the street making a movie. It wasn't a big deal back then because, you know, early days the cops didn't always know what we were doing, or sometimes they thought it was cool but it was technically illegal. So I started posting up on the street as lookout. I'd be at like the entrance to an alley while they were shooting at the other end. If I saw the cops coming, I'd call out. It was basically like covering a drug deal.

Speaker 1:

This is reminding me of another confession we had called the man who peed on me.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I wonder if you guys work for the same guy.

Speaker 3:

So many guys like this Speaking of pee? Oh no. Another problem with not having permits is you can't have porta potties and we didn't have any kind of deals with local restaurants or whatever. So I also found that part of my job was to go into places and talk people into letting us use their restrooms. This was especially challenging when we needed a restroom for the actors to use for hair and makeup.

Speaker 3:

But I soon learned it was much easier to get people into a place than it is to get them out. So I'd just be like, yeah, one of my friends just needs to run in and change her clothes real quick, and then two hours later the manager would be like what the fuck is that woman still doing in there? But short of calling the police, there wasn't much they could do. I mean, don't ask permission, just ask forgiveness. That's another tip I learned. Basically, the shoot was a low-key form of chaos, but because the production was so small, I managed to hold it together. I got people to set on time, even when it meant I had to pick them up and drive them myself. I made sure nobody got arrested. I hustled food donations because the director had no money to feed people and, scene by scene, we shot our way to the end. But there was one major obstacle to getting it finished we needed a location, a certain type of apartment building that would allow us to shoot there for several days for free.

Speaker 3:

There is no fucking way but there is when there is a will, there is a way, and I very much had the will, because I had a dream, remember, a vision that this was what I was meant to do, and by this point I was also getting attached to the cast and crew. I wanted to make it possible for them to make their art, and if that meant getting an apartment building for free, I was going to find a way to do it. I drove around town for weeks searching by the way, this is what a location manager would do. I saw a few places, took a few photos for the director. Nothing seemed to be exactly right. I got a little annoyed with him, to be honest, for shooting down everything I found rather than finding a way to make it work. But whatever, he was the director.

Speaker 3:

So I kept looking, and then one day I found it the perfect building in a rundown part of town, and it had a sign out front that said for rent. I called the number on the sign. This guy answered management. He was like the property manager or something, and from the moment he spoke I could tell he was really fucking high. I was like hey, I'm a producer on a feature film that is currently shooting in your area. We're looking for a location to film several key scenes. I see you have an apartment for rent. We only need it for a few hours. Could we just borrow the place when you're not showing it? And he was like, uh, sure.

Speaker 2:

Oh my God, no way.

Speaker 3:

I'm telling you where there's a will. We got this place and again, it's so much easier to get people into a place than it is to get them out of it. I had crew and actors coming in. I talked to the manager into giving us a key so he didn't have to be there the whole time to let us in and out, and then we basically squatted in that apartment for two weeks and finished the fucking movie.

Speaker 1:

I can't tell if this is an inspirational story or a cautionary tale.

Speaker 3:

Well, here's the thing I say finished, but really we had only finished production and, as any real filmmaker knows, that's maybe the halfway point.

Speaker 2:

Oh, no yeah.

Speaker 3:

Because, despite everything the director had said about investors, we still didn't have any money. As far as I could tell, he'd never had a single meeting. Maybe he tried and they didn't work out, I don't know. But in any case we wrapped, and only then did it become clear to me that we were just as far from finishing as we'd ever been. The worst part was, I was much more invested now. I cared about the people, I cared about the film. I didn't want this thing we'd worked so hard to create to end up on some dude's hard drive next to his aquarium, full of cockroaches. But in order to get it out in the world, we still needed $10,000. And getting it into the world was harder than it seemed.

Speaker 3:

This was the downside to all the creativity and excitement of movie making. At the time, it was cheaper and more accessible to make a film than it ever had been, but competition was going through the roof because there was so much more content. You had to spend huge amounts of money submitting to festivals and traveling to meet distributors, not to mention marketing the film. At the time there was this idea, which I don't really think exists anymore, that ordinary people could like buy shares in your movie. When you sold it, you pay back their investment. I mean, that's still how financing works to some degree, but it's more often big investors with big films, not so much. You know your uncle taking out a second mortgage so you can shoot something in your garage. So, anyway, I started thinking who do I know who has cash on hand and might be willing to take on this kind of risk?

Speaker 3:

I thought of these two guys. I knew two brothers. They were business owners, gamblers. Maybe they were the type of guys I was looking for. I'd known the brothers for about five years.

Speaker 3:

At this point, the older one was solid. He was trustworthy, charismatic, you know, the kind of guy who you either wanted to be him or you wanted to be with him. You know what I mean. The younger brother, though, was his polar opposite snarky, lazy, kind of a coward. They were business partners, for whatever reason. They ran a couple of places, and including a restaurant where the older brother always worked on Friday nights. So this was my plan I'd fly out to take a couple of meetings Not that I really had anyone to meet with, but you know whatever. Then, on Friday night, I'd swing by the restaurant, act all casual, like we were catching up and pitch him. The movie I bought a ticket on Southwest flew out, crashed with a friend. Friday night rolled around. I went to the restaurant but instead of the guy I was hoping to see, the younger brother was there and he was so happy to see me like hey, long time.

Speaker 3:

Wow, you look great. Hey, hey, somebody bring us some shots. I'm like, oh shit, I don't really like this guy. I don't really trust him. But I also don't know where the older brother is and I can't exactly track him down because my whole plan hinged on this seemingly casual encounter. I either have to give up now or find a way to roll with it. I decided to do the latter.

Speaker 3:

I start drinking, probably around like eight, and by 10 pm I was fading. I snuck over to the bartender, slipped him some cash and was like from here on out, fill my shot glasses with water. Oh damn, that's a good trick, right. So I start sobering up and meanwhile the brother's getting drunker and drunker and I'm thinking maybe this will work, I'll get him wasted, he'll be open to anything, I'll pitch him the movie and he'll just start making it rain. This is an absolutely terrible business strategy. I do not recommend it to anyone. I'm just saying that's where my mind was. I guess I'd kind of taken on that desperation I saw in the director. You know, the first time I met him it wasn't just oh, I'll do anything to make sure this film gets made. It was like in that moment the film was the only thing in the world that mattered, like I absolutely had to find a way to get the money, and I had to do it tonight.

Speaker 2:

Why do you think you felt that way? I mean, given everything you've said about like the state of the industry at that time, it sounds like you had a really good chance of finding another job.

Speaker 1:

Maybe even one that paid.

Speaker 3:

My parents taught me growing up that you don't have to start something, but if you choose to start it, you better finish it. So there was a sort of moral obligation and, like I said, I was attached to the cast and crew. But I think, if I'm being painfully honest, it goes deeper. I felt like if I didn't get the money to finish the film, what good was I Like if I couldn't make this dream come true for someone else? I didn't matter as a person. I wanted to matter, you know, and I wanted to show that I could do what I said I would.

Speaker 3:

You know, I stuck around and I kept pretending to drink with this guy pretending to like him, waiting and watching for an opening. For a long time there were other people around partying with us, but after about 1 am or so, they started to peel off. Finally it was just the two of us. And that's when the brother confessed his undying love for me oh no. And that's when the brother confessed his undying love for me, oh no. It was so awful, awkward with a capital, a. He was like I've been watching you for a long time. You seem so much freer now, like you're finally becoming yourself. And then he leaned over and he tried to kiss me and I kind of jerked back and he felt that and suddenly he just snapped. He stared at me with this anger in his eyes. He was like why did you do that? Do what you pulled away? Why did you pull away from me? I don't know. I mean, I didn't mean to. I'm sorry. You came to see my brother, didn't you?

Speaker 3:

In that moment I realized I made a serious mistake, because I hadn't really thought of this guy as a person. I've been thinking of him more like a mark. But now it was like oh, this must have happened a thousand times. He's the other brother, the one nobody wants, and I didn't want him. I didn't want his brother either, at least not in the way he thought. But I didn't know how to express that. He looked, at least not in the way he thought. But I didn't know how to express that. He looked so enraged.

Speaker 3:

So I just started babbling like yes, I mean. No, I mean, it's not what you think. Why did you come here? I just wanted to hang out. I swear you're lying. Why did you come here? I, I don't know. I just need ten thousand dollars to make a movie. What I? I mean? He was so surprised. The tension was completely broken. I think he was relieved that it wasn't about sex. He was just like oh, you're making a movie, oh, awesome. So by now it's like two in the morning. He's completely wasted. I'm sober but trying to pretend I'm drunk so he doesn't realize I've been taking shots of water. I pitch him the movie. He nods and acts like he's following everything I'm saying and at the end he just says yes, seriously.

Speaker 2:

This is unbelievable.

Speaker 3:

I guess I hoped he would just whip out a stack of cash, but of course that didn't happen. We had to be professional. He asked about points and distribution plan and things. I didn't really understand at the time and I was like, oh, the director slash executive producer is handling all that. He has a whole presentation. Can I introduce you? And he was like, oh, absolutely. So I went back home to feeling like a hero. I set up a meeting between the brother and the director.

Speaker 3:

A week or so later the director flew out and he went out to the restaurant. That night I sat in my apartment back in f*** smoking cigarettes, checking my phone over and over About 8 o'clock I started getting messages from the director. He's not here yet. I tried calling and he didn't answer his phone. My stomach sort of sank. You get a sense real quick if somebody wants in on something. If they stand you up, that's not a good sign. Eventually, like two hours later, I get a text saying he's here and a few hours after that another text saying the meeting went well. He's going to send a check. But I already kind of knew it wasn't going to happen and sure enough he never sent it and I've never heard from either one of the brothers again.

Speaker 2:

Oh no, that's so disappointing.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, it was a shame. I kind of felt like I burned a bridge for no reason, you know. The director went on to edit the film. It took him a while because he had to do everything himself. He hosted a screening for friends and family and it was fun. But the movie never made it to a festival. It never got distribution and most of the people who worked on it are no longer in the industry. Oh man, that's terrible. I'm so sorry. Me too.

Speaker 3:

I think back sometimes and wonder could I have done something differently? Is there any way I could have brought this thing home? But then I think no. Even back then there were certain lines I didn't want to cross. And beyond that, what I did do I did for love. I know this sounds corny, but it's true. I mean, if you're in this business for money or accolades, you're probably going to get frustrated and quit at some point because those things are hollow. But if you do it for love, I mean you can weather just about any storm. I mean you can weather just about any storm. That's an essential ability in the film industry, not just because it's unstable, but also because film is a collaborative art form, which means you'll never have full control over the outcome, not even if you are the writer, director, executive producer, editor, star.

Speaker 2:

It's a good lesson for all of us to remember. Thank you so much for sharing it. Go create in peace. Oh, I love that story so much. What a happy ending. I mean it sort of was a happy ending. You guys can't see, but JR just gave me the weirdest look.

Speaker 1:

It was a happy ending.

Speaker 2:

It's always happy when somebody finds their passion and even if they're coming into this industry, even if this is it.

Speaker 1:

No, we've certainly found our passion in this industry. Yeah, what about that story, do you think warmed your heart? How did you identify with the confessor?

Speaker 2:

I mean, I just love that it comes around to like if you do it for love, then you're doing it for the right reasons.

Speaker 1:

You know what I mean. I just love that it comes around to like if you do it for love, then You're doing it for the right reasons. You know what I mean? Yeah, I really like that. It really struck a chord with me too because, like I was saying in earlier, I mean I shot a short five years ago and it was so much fun and now I'm getting the bug again, like we've been writing so much and I want to see something come to life so are we doing it.

Speaker 2:

Is that like?

Speaker 1:

yeah like hollywood, confessional raps and jr's new new short I take off the podcast producer hat and I put on the short director hat yep.

Speaker 2:

Writer, director, producer, probably lead actor, editor, sound designer.

Speaker 1:

Oh oh maybe it's not going to be that kind of production I don't know if I'm going to be able to do this. Maybe I take that money and go on a beach vacation, I don't know. Oh yeah, that also sounds good.

Speaker 2:

That's all we've got for you this week, guys. Thank you so much for joining us here on the Hollywood Confessional. We have some crazy ass episodes coming your way very soon, so please hit that subscribe button if you haven't done it already. Follow us on social media at Fess Up Hollywood.

Speaker 1:

And go create in peace.

Speaker 2:

Amen.

Speaker 1:

The Hollywood Confessional is produced by Megan Dane and Jair Zamora-Thal. Joelle Garfinkel is our co-producer and AJ Thal is our post-production coordinator and editor. Our cast today Sean Redding, timothy Wardell, taylor Brooks. Special effects provided by ZapSplat and Pixabay. Hollywood Confessional is a 9th Way Media production. Follow us on socials at FessUpHollywood.