The Power of EFT: Transform Your Love Life and Date Like a Goddess

Can you imagine transforming your love life using a unique technique known as EFT tapping? Well, that's exactly what our special guest, psychotherapist and EFT practitioner Allison Ewing, will help you explore in this intriguing conversation.

We delve into Allison's book 'Find Love Again Learn to Date Like a Goddess', a refreshing and empowering guide for midlife women looking to redefine their love lives after a divorce. 

Allison uncovers the incredible potential of EFT, sharing how it can shatter false beliefs and limiting perceptions, paving the way for healthier relationships.

Allison invites us into her personal journey, explaining how EFT helped her conquer fear and anxiety, allowing her to find love again. We discuss the unique anxieties that come with online dating, and Alison reassures us that with EFT, these can be effectively managed. 

She encourages us to embrace our vulnerability and authenticity, attributes that she believes are central to forming meaningful relationships. 

Tune in to hear Alison's inspiring insights and learn how you can unlock your inner goddess and find love again.

Allison Ewing is a psychotherapist and EFT Practitioner. She began her career earning a Master of Social Work degree and spent over fifteen years working with abused and neglected children and their families in the inner city of Chicago. 

She specialized in working with victims of trauma. As time went on, she became increasingly interested in mind-body treatments over traditional talk therapy. 

She was trained in many different techniques before landing on the Emotional Freedom Technique, which quickly became her favorite due to the rapid and powerful nature of clearing her clients’ problems.

To learn more about  Allison Ewing, L.C.S.W.

EFT Practitioner, Author & Inspirational Speaker

www.InspiredLifeTapping.com

www.learntodatelikeagoddess.com/

https://datingafteryourdivorce.com/

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:47

Hello everyone, welcome to our spiritual spotlight series. Today I am joined by Alison Jane Ewing. She is a seasoned psychotherapist, eft practitioner and a published author. After experiencing a divorce herself, she decided to focus on helping other midlife women find healthy, available, single men who will love and adore them. So important she works with using a powerful tool called EFT tapping to have women clear all the blocks of successful dating and open up to the excitement of falling in love again. Her recent published book Find Love Again Learn to Date Like a Goddess is a guide to igniting your inner goddess and finding the man of your dreams. Thank you so much for coming on the spiritual spotlight series. Thanks for having me. So let's talk about. For those that are unfamiliar with EFT, can you tell us a little bit about what EFT is?

Speaker 2: 1:36

Sure.

Speaker 2: 1:36

So it stands for emotional freedom technique and everyone refers to it as EFT tapping, because what you're doing is you're tapping on your own acupressure points.

Speaker 2: 1:46

There's nine different points that we use in EFT. They are based on Chinese medicine and when you tap these points, what research has shown us is that you are sending a calming signal to the amygdala, the fight or flight center of your brain, and so you're basically turning it off simply by tapping these points. That stimulation overrides any attempts that your body and brain are making to stay in stress. It will actually move you out of stress kind of whether you like it or not. So what they found, which is pretty remarkable, is that just a single session will move people into an alpha brainwave state, which is sort of your relaxed state you're in when you meditate or Shavasana and yoga, something like that, and it will lower your body's production of cortisol or stress hormone, and all sorts of other really interesting biological markers are coming out in the research now that just tapping these points does for your body. So it's really wonderful. It's a great tool to have, I guess.

Speaker 1: 2:53

It really is, and what I like about it is that with your EFTs, you focus on like one like it's not one thing, but it's a very important thing, like to find love, to find relationships, and imagine it's also to find love within, like because some people don't love themselves. So it's interesting, like talk about the journey, about how you knew that this is what you needed to focus on.

Speaker 2: 3:15

Well, I realized as I was using EFT in my own life that whenever I would really tap on something that was maybe a limiting belief that I held or a false perception that was a result of some kind of childhood incidents.

Speaker 2: 3:33

And I mean, sometimes it's really simple, not even you know.

Speaker 2: 3:36

Obviously big traumas can impact how we function in the world, but even little traumas, you know, not getting picked on the sports team or something right.

Speaker 2: 3:44

And so when I started tapping on these things, I realized that opportunities started showing up in my life in all sorts of different ways. And so when I experienced my own divorce and then started dating in my 40s, I realized a lot of sort of the insecure dating baggage that I had as a young person, as an adolescent and a young adult I still had, and so I was in midlife and trying to juggle kids and a job and all these other things and still dealing with some of this stuff that it was a holdover from before. So it occurred to me that, you know, if I could tap on some of those things that I knew were limiting beliefs at this point. I had been a psychotherapist long enough to know that, and so I thought if I could clear these things out. I wonder if I will show up differently in the dating world. And of course I did. And then I wanted to share it with everyone, so I decided I would write a book on it.

Speaker 1: 4:46

So let's talk about your book. So your book Find Love Again, learn to Date Like a Goddess has a powerful message for midlife women seeking to find healthy relationships, post-divores. How does EFT tapping play a role in that? And actually, to take a step back, let's talk about the book first.

Speaker 2: 5:03

Yeah, yeah, so I basically wrote the book. I always say I wrote it sort of almost like a love letter to my fellow single woman in their 40s or 50s. I had lots of friends, lots of clients struggling with a lot of the same things I'm struggling with. And if you're our age today, you were not dating.

Speaker 1: 5:22

There was no online dating last time you were dating, no, so different.

Speaker 2: 5:25

So it's a completely different world and it brings a lot of its own sort of unnatural phenomena with it and a lot of different anxieties that come just from online dating much less just from dating again when you thought maybe you were never going to right. So that's a whole thicket of issues that I decided okay. I want to combine the knowledge that I have as both a therapist and an EFT practitioner with the real life lessons that I learned in some of the painful up and downs I had with my own. So I wrote the book and I basically broke it into. The chapters are more or less lessons or things that I learned along the way, and then at the end of that chapter is a tapping script to kind of help you sort of really incorporate that lesson. Like one of the chapters, for instance, is based on this idea, this false, limiting belief that there are no good men left out there, right, it's such a pervasive- we always hear that, right, we always hear that Pervasive in our society.

Speaker 2: 6:31

And women are just filled with fear, like, oh, there's no good ones out there, so you better take what you can get. And so women do. They choose partners that they know they're sort of settling with that. Don't treat them like a goddess, right? And I saw this time and again, and so I knew that if I could get women to tap on this false idea that there are no good men left out there, and they no longer believed it because that's what tapping does, it's like water onto the fire of a of an emotion, and the emotion is fear. Right, you're fearful, there's no good men left out there, so you settle for a bad one. But when you clear the fear and you realize, oh, there's actually lots of good men out there, suddenly you're like and I'm not putting up with this anymore. And so so at the end of that chapter we tap away that false belief that there's no good men left out there.

Speaker 1: 7:22

And one of the things I do want to bring up is that you know I'm familiar with EFT. I will say where I get held up. Is that a script like, and I don't know how to develop my own script. I love the fact that each chapter you're saying has a script and help, like you're giving us the, the instructions. I love that.

Speaker 2: 7:41

Yes, exactly, and I do of course go through in the book how to tap. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 7:47

Yeah, I mean even that, like you watch it online and I'm like, um, it's an interesting modality, but I love that's so amazing that you're walking them through that. But also, yeah, we're gonna work on that limiting belief, but I you're probably also working on boundaries and what do you want to tolerate in your life? Because and I think a lot of women, you know, I even the 40s and 50s and maybe even older that they probably feel like, well, I'm not worthy of getting into another relationship and that's gotta be a struggle too right, and and we don't set boundaries because of fear, right?

Speaker 2: 8:23

You know, there I do a whole chapter on sex of how to be a goddess in the bedroom. Yeah, really that. We're really a lot of what I'm talking about. There is boundaries, boundaries and using mindfulness, but it's, it's a lot of. Again, if you're afraid that if you don't do everything you think the guy wants that you'll lose him, then you're not actually enjoying yourself because you're so worried about pleasing him and you're not setting those boundaries for yourself About what would actually make you happy or give you pleasure. And so when we tap on the, the fear behind all of that, it's like suddenly it's easy to be, you know, that Goddess in that Survival, in this queen energy, right, this queen energy of. Actually, this is what I, this is what I feel is pleasurable, and Most guys, good guys are going to want to give that to you anyway. So it's a win-win when you are more firm in your boundaries and you feel more confident and you're working?

Speaker 1: 9:23

Did you find that you know going through a divorce and like going out in the dating pool and you know learning to date like a goddess yourself? Did you find that some of your beliefs even shifted and changed and what you maybe Want to have a relationship?

Speaker 2: 9:40

Absolutely yeah. So one of the like, I guess, more popular chapters is called how Cinderella Fucked Me Up.

Speaker 1: 9:52

You're the best titles, all right, because Cinderella did fuck us up. Okay, right?

Speaker 2: 9:57

And that's what I realized. I mean, I realized it through the dating process and you know, I've been divorced now almost eight years and so in the beginning, when I was dating, I had this false belief that I had to be like the stepsisters right, like I had to show up and be pretty enough. And you know that there's this competition with other women. You have to like, you know, knock them out of the way to get the Prince Charming's attention. And there's only one Prince Charming. And then the other false belief I think we got from Cinderella is like the woman that he falls for. This.

Speaker 2: 10:30

You know, cinderella is like off in a loop and looking away. And so you know I found that as I was out and socializing with men, if I saw someone attractive, I would kind of freeze up and go into a little bit of oh yeah. Now I know it's like freeze right, go into a little bit of freeze date and like look away. And so we have these ideas from these fairy tales that we A have to be chosen. We're the ones being chosen, we're not the ones doing.

Speaker 1: 11:01

That is so so, so true. I remember even being a child and like having these fantasies of being saved from my house and, oh my goodness, okay, continue Right. So, so true.

Speaker 2: 11:17

And then true, and then that we're going to. You know, we're going to get noticed when we are aloof and distant and it's just. It couldn't be further from the truth. You know, a guy is not going to approach an aloof and distant woman. A guy is going to approach a woman who maybe smiles at him, seems open and friendly and then goes back and does her thing.

Speaker 2: 11:35

But also a woman who is discerning, who shows up on a date and isn't just trying to say all the things she thinks that will make him like her, but is actually on a date considering, just like you would in a job interview. You don't show up and just let them pick you. I mean, obviously you want them to pick you, but you also are interviewing them to figure out. Is this a good job for me? Same with dating, but I didn't see it that way when I started out. That was something I came to through trial and error and I thought what am I doing? I'm not these guys to like me, who sometimes I don't even know that I like them that much. But it was just how the game was played, I thought, and so I was playing it until I did some tapping on that for myself.

Speaker 1: 12:18

And I also feel like it's society's you know kind of expectations of women that you know we are made to like.

Speaker 2: 12:26

We need to shift our beliefs and what we like in our hobbies, cause we're not that I believe this, but there's this there's a thought of we're here to serve men, yes, and I think a lot of people get stuck in that and it sounds like, for what you're doing is like no, let's shift this, let's shift this show up as that goddess right, and that's and that's where I kind of go to that mental image over and over, because that's really you know.

Speaker 2: 12:52

You know when you're, when you're a queen, when you're a goddess, you know that you're worthy of your man worshiping you and bringing you flowers and doing all those nice loving gestures for you. And you, of course, you want to be a good partner back, but you don't want to be a doormat Absolutely. And that's the line that you have to be careful, because when you start to get into doormat behavior, that is, your fear of not being worthy, your fear of not being chosen, your fear of not being good enough for him that is causing you to do that behavior rather than staying true to yourself.

Speaker 1: 13:29

And even though your book is targeted for women that have gone through, you know, divorce money. It also sounds like a roadmap for young adult women who were navigating this dating pole. To be like no, I need to stand like you, queen, a goddess. And what can you tell her? Do you find you have a lot of younger readers?

Speaker 2: 13:49

I've had a few that have said, wow, this is really great. I mean, I have gotten that feedback and I have thought about myself. I wish I had this book when I was. You know, I wish I had it too. Yeah, yeah, I think it can be really helpful.

Speaker 2: 14:02

I mean, the first like couple chapters are definitely sort of geared towards empathizing with a woman who's been divorced, because that's where it was coming from. But the rest of the book is very universal, I think. I mean, the other main principle that I really try to communicate in the book is also just about sort of delineating between journey and destination, and this is something I think that midlife women can get caught up in, and younger women, of course too. It's like I just wanna be in that relationship. I just wanna get there, get there, get there and not sort of enjoying and being present in your life where you are now. And that is also really difficult because, again, it's like an anxiety thing, like you just wanna get there, but when you tap on all that obsessive thinking, wanting to be in a relationship, you let it go, you relax. Suddenly you're living your life in the present, you're enjoying your life in the present, and when you show up. That way you're so much more magnetic to men anyway.

Speaker 1: 15:05

Yes, you are. I mean, it's so true that we put so much pressure on the future that we forget to enjoy the present. And it's like almost like a feeling of impatience, like we'll just let me get to and then I'll be, let me get to and then I'll be, but with your practices you're helping them to kind of go into ease and flow and, like you said, it opens up that energy. Yes, exactly.

Speaker 1: 15:29

And I feel like a lot of people don't realize the power of working with your energy and moving that energy along, and for me it's like almost like a stagnant energy, that's like locked in, that we need to move. Are you finding now that people are more open to kind of like this energy healing kind of modality?

Speaker 2: 15:50

Yeah, I think so. You know, it's interesting because I feel like when I first got trained in EFT almost 10 years ago now, no, one had heard of it.

Speaker 2: 16:00

And now, when I'm out and about or on the airplane, I always teach people. When they get nervous about flying, I always teach them how to tap Things like that. I would say about 80% of the people I run into do have some familiarity, heard of it or maybe seen it online, things like that. So I think people are starting to understand it and I also I do try to take it a little bit out of the sort of woo woo world even though I'm totally in that world, but I do.

Speaker 2: 16:29

For some people I think it needs to it's important to move it out. Yeah, it can be, and I always say, for instance, you know, when someone shows up in a room in a party and they're in a bad mood, you sense that energy and you're like, ooh, I don't wanna be. But when someone shows up in that same party and they are open and bubbly and happy, like you're like ooh, who's that? I wanna get to know that person, and so that's the whole point. I want my readers to become that person everywhere they go, and then it doesn't matter what dating profile says or what pictures are there, and it also like it makes them more comfortable with just being themselves, like you don't necessarily have to be in a relationship.

Speaker 1: 17:11

You can just love yourself and then just be open to the energy of this amazing divine partner coming to you Exactly so that's-, but you're not gonna but you're gonna have to be in emotion to find this person. You can't just be sitting in the tower looking out the window, right right.

Speaker 2: 17:31

You have to be interactive. Yeah, right, you do have to be interactive, but I can tell you that my guy did find me Like, literally found me Like online, like Facebook. Friend requested me, came to me after I had done the work right, so it is possible, but you do have to keep doing the work. That's the catch.

Speaker 1: 17:54

So I'm an energy practitioner myself. I do a different modality, but it also sounds like you're putting beacons inside of you, like this is the energy that I'm attracting and you are bringing. You're calling that person, your energy is calling them in. I know that. You found it. He found it. He found you, I know.

Speaker 2: 18:14

I know Cause I've been saying that for months and months that you know, just keep doing the work and your guy will find you. And then it actually happened for me, and I wasn't even, you know, thinking in those terms, but you know it didn't happen that way. I realized months later I thought, oh my gosh, that's actually exactly what happened. And I also do think, though, that the important thing is, the more you show up as yourself, yeah, the more likely you're gonna attract in the right person. I mean, if you have a mask on at all, the person you attract in is gonna fall in love with the mask, and that's not really you. And when you can let go of the fears of of showing up as yourself which it's hard, it's hard to let go of fear with just through thought, but through tapping, it's easy. If it comes, yeah, I go fears. So when you start to let go of those fears and you just show up as you, you also end up meeting the person who is into you, for you.

Speaker 1: 19:11

So the.

Speaker 2: 19:12

Relationship feels easy as well.

Speaker 1: 19:15

I'd like that you're like. You need to be your authentic version of yourself. You know, whoever, that there's only one you. But you need to show up as your authentic version. That's very important. So I know that you offer some programs. Can you tell us a little bit about the programs you offer online?

Speaker 2: 19:32

Yeah, so I have an eight-week online learn to date like a goddess program. Love that.

Speaker 2: 19:38

It's a pretty immersive experience. Yeah, we have a collective of women that go through it. You know, I go through cohorts at a time and we use Manifestation techniques, we use neuro linguistic program, we do a lot of EFT tapping, obviously, and the whole design of the program is that in eight weeks your dating life will transform, because we're transforming it from the inside out and Suddenly you start showing up differently, you start seeing different men in reality. I talk a lot about the part of the brain that is responsible for that and and I and there's lot, and I have true stories, a story of a woman who Was in the same building for eight years and one day she meets a guy in the elevator, this very handsome guy, and they start talking, they start going out a few months into dating. He's like you know, I've been seeing you in that elevator for eight years and you just never noticed me before.

Speaker 1: 20:40

I'm having a moment. It's so true, though, because I'm sure that her blinders were on. The energy was stagnant. Stop, she had a belief system.

Speaker 2: 20:49

You have shift all of that she was tuning into jerk guys because that was her subconscious Programming. Was that jerk guys equal love? And when she did the work and clear that subconscious program out, she was literally able to see this guy, who was an objectively handsome person. So I always like to tell that story because people say, oh, there's no guys though, and around me, or there's no guys, I'm it know, they're there. They're at the grocery store that you go to every day, they're at the coffee shop, they're at the gym, they're there everywhere, not seeing them. Yeah, until you clear up the blocks, and once you do, your brain will see them. It's like when you decide you're going to buy a Jeep and suddenly you see Jeeps everywhere. That's just a part of our brain, the Reticular Activating System. So it works the same with love and romance, but you have to do the work to get there.

Speaker 1: 21:37

And I like that you're actually walking them through it. It's like you have this cohort that's kind of going through this journey together, like that's got to be so valuable for everybody that's in this cohort.

Speaker 2: 21:49

Yeah, yeah, exactly. I actually read the Lynn McTaggart book the Power of Eight and that's when I decided oh, I'm definitely pulling together groups of women. It's very powerful when you set intentions as a collective like that. It actually amplifies everyone's intentions and their manifestation ability.

Speaker 1: 22:06

It's pretty cool. So true, so true. So if anyone's interested in purchasing your book or taking any of your programs, where is the best place for them to go to?

Speaker 2: 22:16

Well, actually right now I have an offer that if they go to Learn to Date Like a Goddesscom, they can download a free copy of my book and check that out, and then they can find me through my website there or through Alison Jane Goddess Maker on Instagram. I love you, I love these and people can DM me or get on a chat, get on my calendar, talk to me about the program if they're interested.

Speaker 1: 22:45

That is such an amazing gift to give them. Here's a roadmap, and if you want to take it further, reach out to me.

Speaker 2: 22:53

Absolutely, yeah, I think it's one of the things where you can read the book and you can get really far. I had a friend that read the book and the next week had five dates and literally her therapist said well, what happened to you? Like all summer you've been complaining there's no guys. You know you have five days. She's like well, you know, I read this book and I did this tapping. So I think everyone's at different levels. Some people need a little more structure and a little more digging through the dirt, and other people can read the book and get a lot out of it and that can either be the start of their journey or that can be their journey to really shift their dating life around.

Speaker 1: 23:27

That is amazing. Well, I recommend anyone that is looking to improve their love life and date like a goddess to check out your book, find love again, learn to date like a goddess and I have some friends right now I would recommend for your cohort. So I'm like, so let me text them. No, it's OK. I just want to say thank you so much for coming on the Spiritual Spotlight series. It was really a pleasure to talk to you today. Thanks so much for having me. It was a lot of fun.