Untamed and Embodied with Tertia Riegler

#33: 3 Things To Know About Emotional Healing

August 08, 2023 Tertia Riegler Episode 33
Untamed and Embodied with Tertia Riegler
#33: 3 Things To Know About Emotional Healing
Show Notes Transcript

Emotional healing is a deeply personal and transformative journey that each of us embarks upon. 

Whether we are crawling out of numbness, navigating heartache, or revelling in the joy of emotional resilience, the path to healing is unique for everyone.

Imagine your inner world as a garden ravaged by storms and floods, leaving the trees uprooted and the flowers trampled. 

To embark on emotional healing is to tend to this garden, clearing the debris, nurturing the roots, and planting new seeds.

I have noticed that many of us share 3 commonly held beliefs about emotional healing that may do more harm than good.  

In our pursuit of healing, we often fall into the trap of believing that it is a final destination—a point where everything will magically be okay. 

We tie our happiness to external factors, anticipating that once we achieve specific goals or overcome particular traumas, we will finally find contentment. 

However, this perspective keeps the goalpost continually out of reach, leaving us perpetually unfulfilled. 

Join me in this episode as I share:

  • Tending to your inner garden
  • Healing as a journey, not a destination
  • Why mastering our emotions is not the answer


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Emotional healing is a deeply personal and transformative journey for each and every one of us. And so it doesn't matter if you are clawing your way out of numbness. If you are in the midst of heartache or whether you've already discovered the joy and the power of becoming more emotionally resilient. I want you to know that I see you and you are so, so welcome here. I want to use the analogy of a garden If I speak about emotional healing. And sometimes our inner world, our garden inside may be ravaged by storms and terrible winds and tornadoes and hurricanes and floods, and it leaves the trees uprooted, it leaves the flowers trampled, and it really creates havoc in our inner world. And so when we begin the process of emotional healing, I see that this is how we tend to our inner world. This is how we tend to our garden.
It's how we begin to clear up the debris and it's how we take the dirt and pack it tightly again around the roots. It's how we plant new seedlings. I've noticed a common thread in the work that I do with my clients, and it's something that almost all of them infer to or even express at the beginning of our time together. Now, going back to the garden analogy, what this would look like is getting in there with pruning scissors and just cutting off everything, really buying into this patriarchal messaging of getting rid of everything that is messy, everything that seems damaged, everything that doesn't look perfect. And so in the process, it leaves our garden stripped bare. It takes away the wildness, it takes away the aliveness. And so there are really three facets that I see stand in direct opposition and contradiction to these, call them faulty beliefs, that we hold onto.
And as I'm taking you through these facets, I'll also position them against the beliefs that we hold. And the invitation is for you to just test the water a little bit and feel into if the beliefs and the perceptions around healing that I'm sharing if this is true for you, do you also believe that? Have you bought into that? Then of course, the next step is there, If there is anything that does resonate, if there is anything that you recognize in yourself, the invitation is for you to consider to release that. So without any further ado, let's get into the very first facet. And the first facet of emotional healing is that healing is a journey. And the belief that so many of us hold onto is the belief that healing is a final destination. It's a point that you will arrive at. And then once you arrive at that point, everything will finally be okay.
We make our happiness conditional to an external factor. It's similar to when we're holding onto the idea that once we have a new relationship or once we have a new job or once we have a new wardrobe, or if we lose the weight, then we will finally be happy. As soon as something in our external world changes, it's going to change the way that we feel inside. When we are always moving towards the goal of healing, thinking that that is the ultimate. Once we have finally arrived in this place where we are healed, then our lives are going to be so much better and so much different, we become disembodied in the sense that we start living our lives through our minds. We experience the narratives of our lives, the history of what happened to us, the things that will all be so much better once we have finally healed.
We experience that as a story that plays out in our mental field. So while healing is such a necessary part for so many of us, because of our experiences, because of the things that we had to live through in our childhood or the things that happened to us in our relationships along the way, if we hold out to say, my life will only really take off, my life will only really be on fire, I will only really be able to love myself and be the fullest expression of who I want to be once I am healed. Can you see how it just keeps on pushing that goalpost further and further away from you? You will never arrive at that point. By the nature of the fallacy, it is designed to always stay out of your reach. And so this brings me to the second facet of emotional healing.
And the second facet is that you are not broken. So the perception or the belief that we have that opposes this is that there's something wrong with us. There's something about us that needs to be fixed. The ultimate goal, I believe, of any emotional journey, any healing journey that we embark on is because we want to feel better. We want to feel better about ourselves. Maybe we want to relate to ourselves in a different way, maybe want to feel different in terms of the way that you move through the world and the way that you show up and the way that you experience all of the things that happen to you. When we attach that however to the idea that there is something about you that needs to be fixed, can you see how, by making yourself wrong in that way, it leads you to reject the parts of you that need you most.
It leads you to reject the parts of you that really need loving. It's those parts of us that have really been wounded, those parts of us that carry the heartsore, and the numbness and the devastation within us. They don't need to be fixed. They need to be loved back to wholeness. And we can only do that if we let go of the idea that they are wrong or broken and that they need to be fixed. When we walk around with this idea of there's something wrong with me, we disconnect from our vulnerability. We disconnect from being intimate with what we really and truly are feeling when we reject these parts of us that we feel are broken. So here's the thing, we need to love ourselves already, even if we have these perceived broken and wounded and hurt aspects within us. We need to love ourselves and accept ourselves fully, otherwise, our inner critic, our self judgment, our self abandonment, our self saboteur, all of that is always going to play out.
Loving yourself comes in front and before anything else. So this is a really significant shift if you can buy into this. And this thing leads me into the final facet. Our feelings are feedback, and the perception or the belief that we hold onto usually is that we need to manage our feelings. We need to control our feelings. We need to master our emotions because our emotions, they get in the way, they are chaotic and they are wild and they are unpredictable. So I think that negative feelings have really been given a bad rap. If we look at the whole positive thinking movement, that totally has its place, and that is very, very important for us to be able to stay positive and to stay uplifted and to really feel motivated inside. It's important for us to be able to cultivate our positive thinking and our positive feeling states.
But what happens, it definitely happened with me, is there was a point in my life where I totally and completely rejected all negative feelings because I, I was afraid that if I felt negative feelings, it would mean that there was something wrong with me. I wasn't doing positive thinking right. I'd be attracting negative bad things into my life and I'd be dampening and bringing down my own vibration. So if you've been following me for a while now, you know that I don't buy into this high vibe all the time anymore because I think that it's another fallacy. It's simply not possible for us to be high vibe all the time. We are cyclical beings. We are always going to go through peaks and troughs. We are always going to go into the cycle of death and rebirth in terms of our emotional journeys and our experiences.
And if we reject those times when we are not feeling high vibe and when, when we are not feeling all flowery and happy, then we are in essence rejecting ourselves, which just contributes to this self-criticism, the self abandonment, the self-flagellation, and the self hatred that comes as a result of not loving ourselves for who we are, with our good bits and our sticky bits. One of the other things that happens as a result of always needing to be positive is that we deny what we are feeling. So even if you have a crappy boss who's really taking advantage of you, instead of acknowledging and admitting how this makes you feel, you force yourself to be grateful for the job that you have. And so it's necessary for us to have gratitude for the things that we have, but we cannot deny the truth of what it is that we are really feeling when we become fully in tune, intimate, honest, and vulnerable with ourselves about what's really going on in here.
This allows us to start making different choices. This allows us to start showing up in a more empowering way. Another example that I can share with you is when someone has made you really angry, someone has really crossed your boundaries, someone has really treated you in a way that is simply not acceptable, but instead of acknowledging the anger that we feel, instead of acknowledging the frustration or even the rage as a result of how we are being treated, we focus on being kind and compassionate towards that person because we know what they've gone through. And so I just want to put this again into perspective. Same as the gratitude. Practicing kindness and compassion towards other people is such an important part of being a well-functioning human being. But if we are going to flee from the discomfort of really becoming honest with ourselves about how the way that we are being treated, how the way that someone speaks to us, how the way that we are feeling about certain situations or events in our lives, if we are going to flee from the discomfort of becoming vulnerable and honest about that, can you see how we are doing ourselves a disservice. 
We don't want to risk facing what's in here, which is a very legitimate fear, let me tell you. So often we find it so much easier just to get on with our lives and not really face what it is that's in here because it is uncomfortable and it will ask our of us to maybe start making different choices and start acting and behaving in different ways. And sometimes we are just not ready for that. It asks of us to be really courageous to begin to develop this vulnerability and this intimacy with feeling our feelings. If we don't feel our feelings, they don't disappear. All that we do is we're just putting a lid on it, and it's like a pressure cooker underneath it. At some point in time, the lid's gonna blow off. And so feelings are feedback and if you would love support in unraveling and delving into what is truly alive in your body so that you can tap into your aliveness, I'm going to leave a link for you in the description that you can go and read more about how I can help you.
And so at this point in time, what I want to do is I'll invite you to just go on a little inner exploration with me. If you have up until now, either firmly believed that everything will only be better once you have completely healed. Or there are all of these things that need to be fixed, and then once those things about yourself have been fixed, then you can finally love yourself and your life can you know, really take off and you'll be happy. If you have bought into these beliefs or any kind of variation of this belief, I'll invite you to just for a moment, to let that go. And to imagine if you were just to release all of that, if you were just to love yourself fully and welcome all parts of yourself, what does it do internally? How does it feel when you think about that possibility?
When you imagine this possibility, just notice what happens. And there's nothing specific that's supposed to happen. All of the information that we get when you try to vision or feel into a way of being, the information that you get, it's simply feedback to show you where there's, there's something more to explore. And so I'd love for you to share with us if there is anything that you feel like sharing, if you feel open to sharing that with us. What does it feel like if you put down the weight of I'll only be okay once all of these conditions have been met. And instead, you just love yourself fully right here and right now. Share with us in the comments. The fallacy that used to play out the most in my life was the one that I could only love myself once I was fixed.
I could only love myself once all of these things that I felt shame for, all of these things about myself that I thought were not good and not lovable, and the things that I felt guilty about once those were fixed. Then there would be nothing in the way of me loving myself. And what I've learned is that's not the way in to healing the relationship with yourself and to coming back into the full human experience of being present both for the undesirable feelings, but also for the pleasure and sensual aliveness that comes as a result of being able to drop into our bodies. Embodiment and bringing in the gifts and the power of our feminine essence is the way back to ourselves. It's the way back to our lives, and it's the way back to living fully vibrant and fully fulfilled. Thank you so much for joining us. Let us know in the comments what landed for you, and I will see you in the next one. Bye.