Scenic Route, Social Change and Mental Health Conversations for Perfectionists
You’ve outgrown perfection, but not your desire to grow.
This is the place where high-functioners, deep feelers, and quiet rebels come home to themselves.
We explore:
- Mental health wisdom (minus toxic positivity)
- Social change (that starts from within)
- System critiques (with actionable solutions)
- Inner wisdom (over external validation)
- Mindfulness for minimalists (no crystals required)
Join Jennifer Walter, sociologist (MASoc UCC) and recovering perfectionist, for weekly conversations that blend critical thinking with oh-so-much compassion.
If you’re questioning everything – or just trying to stay grounded in a chaotic world – this space is for you. We make room for your inner critic and collective action. Because personal healing and social change go hand in hand (with a side of potty humour).
New episodes drop every Tuesday.
The longest way round is the shortest way home – and that's exactly why we're taking the Scenic Route.
Ready to walk the scenic route?
The view here is *chef's kiss.*
Scenic Route, Social Change and Mental Health Conversations for Perfectionists
Self-Sabotage Isn’t What You Think: Why It Happens and How to Change It
Why do we procrastinate, overthink, avoid, or hold back just when things matter most? Your social media feed at 2 am calls this self-sabotage, but is it?
In this episode of the Scenic Route, we unpack fresh psychology research that flips the story of self-sabotage on its head. You’ll discover three hidden patterns that shape how we repeat harmful choices:
- Sensitives: quick learners who adapt after mistakes
- Unawares: people who miss the cause-and-effect until it’s explained
- Compulsives: those who know better but can’t break the cycle
You’ll hear why common advice like “just use willpower” or “learn from your mistakes” fails so many of us, and what actually works instead.
Because here’s the twist: you’re not broken, lazy, or your own worst enemy. What looks like sabotage is often safety in disguise. And once you see that, everything changes.
Paper mentioned:
Zeng, L., Park, H. R. P., McNally, G. P., Jean-Richard-dit-Bressel, P., et al. (2025). Causal inference and cognitive-behavioral integration deficits drive stable variation in human punishment sensitivity. Communications Psychology, 3, Article 103.
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Have you ever said to yourself why do you keep on getting in my own way? Why do I sabotage myself? And then, of course, as we all do, we're doom scrolling late at night and our Instagram feed and our TikTok feed calls this self-sabotage. But hey, here's the truth. Self-sabotage isn't what you think it is. So in this episode of the Cine Crowd, we'll explore the science behind we hold ourselves back and how to move forward with more clarity and compassion. So stay tuned.
Jennifer Walter:There's a different way to think about mental health, and it starts with slowing down. Sometimes, the longest way around is the shortest way home, and that's exactly where we're taking the scenic route. Hi, I'm Jennifer Walter, host of the Scenic Route podcast. Think of me as your sociologist, sister in arms and rebel with many causes. Together, we're blending critical thinking with compassion, mental health with a dash of rebellion, and personal healing with collective change. We're trading perfectionism for possibility and toxic positivity for messy growth. Each week, we're exploring the path to better mental health and social transformation. And yes, by the way, pretty crystals are totally optional. You ready to take the scenic route? Let's walk this path together.
Jennifer Walter:So maybe you constantly forget to follow up on networking opportunities that could launch your career and then wander while you're not making any progress. Or maybe you find yourself getting sick right before important events, like not faking it, like generally developing headaches, stomach issues. Big opportunities arise, or maybe you procrastinate on applying for jobs you really want until the deadline kind of passes, and then you apply to ones that feel safe. You're overqualified, for instance. Or maybe you kind of like pick an argument with your partner right before you're supposed to meet your family or a big event as well. Or it becomes just unusually critical of a relationship when things are actually are smooth sailing. Or maybe you suddenly become too busy to maintain friendships that are getting worse, letting meaningful connections fade out through just benign neglect. Maybe you sabotage your own credibility in meetings by downplaying your expertise. The sentence is always kind of like I might might be, I might be wrong, but or like this is probably a silly question Right before like sharing actually something brilliant. Or maybe you have like mysterious creative blocks right when your art or writing is gaining recognition, you'll find yourself recognizing. You're reorganizing your entire like workspace instead of working on a project that matters the most. You're reorganizing your entire like workspace instead of working on a project that matters the most.
Jennifer Walter:So what makes these behaviors particularly insidious is that they often feel like rational decisions in the moment. Yet these decisions leave a nagging sensation in the back of your head and you keep on coming back to them over and over again and you replay them. You replay them in your head and, as one does, you turn to social media searching for answers and you find them all rearranged neatly and labeled self-sabotage, and it feels awful, like you're betraying yourself, like you're, like a part of you is working against you, like you're your own worst enemy, like here's the truth. Self-sabotage isn't really what you think it is. It's not proof that you're lazy or broken or doomed to get in your own way. That's something far more human and far more hopeful and something we have to look at. So what's self-sabotage really is like? When you hear the word sabotage, you probably imagine I don't know, in my head it's like someone sneaking into a factory with a wrench and like deliberately wrecking havoc on a machine, like intentional, calculated harm. Right, but when it comes to ourselves, that image doesn't quite fit. I don't think most of us are plotting to go into our brains with a wrench and just kind of like ruin everything and also like if you go to the bible of clinical psychology, like diagnostics and statistics, statistical manual of mental disorders, dsm. It does not have a specific diagnosis for self-sabotage as a standalone condition. It's listed, or it's just like it describes self-sabotaging behaviors within other diagnosis. Yes, mind, but what we're usually throwing around with self-sabotage is internet psychology, a label that's both too simple and too hard for what's actually happening. What psychologists do recognize are adaptive behaviors that have outlived their usefulness, right.
Jennifer Walter:Imagine something that you learned as a kid that helped you survive and stay safe, and once you've grown you probably don't need it anymore. But you also don't really realize it's there. So you have like defense mechanism, coping strategies, right, they all once served you but now they kind of constrain you. So what? What is called self-sabotage is usually just our nervous system's way of saying this doesn't feel safe, like I don't want this. So your brain doesn't really distinguish between physical danger and emotional vulnerability. They're kind of like on the same level of like this does feel not safe, I don't like it.
Jennifer Walter:When you're about to take a big risk supply for a dream job, you have difficult or have a difficult conversation, put your creative work out into the world you're kind of like your alarm system treats this like about the same as you. I don't know you would be scuba diving in a pool full of voices, snakes. That's an awful image. I don't know why my mate came up with that. Like no psychologist, but like so it activates your kind of like most reliable protection strategies. That could be procrastination. To kind of like delay the sting of potential failure. Like, oh, I don't even want this bad enough. Like, oh, I didn't even want it anyway, it's okay if I lost.
Jennifer Walter:Like or perfectionism shields us from the shame of not good enough. Avoidance spares us the risk of rejection or disappointment. Like I'm just gonna not deal with this. I'm not gonna deal with this person, so this person cannot reject. They're not like carrier flaws. This is your design. Designing like your system is systeming like your nervous system is actually supposed to do what it's designed to do.
Jennifer Walter:Um, the problem is just what used to keep you safe might keep you small now, and on the surface these behaviors look destructive, but underneath they're protective strategies, outdated armor. It becomes a trap, right like the armor you wear as a kid will not fit you when you're grown up. So I don't think there's something as self. You are intentionally self-sabotaging yourself and um in, and the recent study came out with that was very interesting that not all self-saboteurs are the same, so let's look into that. Um, a grand study in 2025 found three distinct patterns how people respond to negative consequences. I think of them, of two different, like um operating systems. Like sensitives one will learn very quickly from bad experiences. Two, unawares, who only change once someone explains the cause and effect in detail. And compulsives, who understand exactly what's wrong but keep repeating the behavior anyway. And I'm sure, like with one you're raising a hand for one of the three, I know which hand I'm raising hello team. Compulsive and like here's what blue like purchased away during this, when what they found in the study, these patterns were pretty stable. They tested six months later and they found like that was still a thing. So it's interesting, right, it's almost kind of like a self-sabotage isn't just about motivation or willpower, which I kind of like get an get like a anger rash every time I hear willpower because yeah, sure, ah, but like it's about how your specific brain processes feedback and risk. Now, well, let's look at those. I think those three types is really important to know which type you are, and so I, because, like, let me tell you about one of these three types who's a guarantee you'll recognize yourself or someone you love when done so.
Jennifer Walter:The sensitive, the quick learner. So like, okay, let's, let's say he's gay, like, he's that friend who touches the hot stuff once and never does it again. Hey, jack, everyone thinks jack is very smart. Huh, when jack bombed a presentation because he didn't prepare enough, he had he felt sick for days in his stomach and then, like the next presentation, he blew it out of her. So, yeah, one bad experience, a bad experience. Immediate course correction okay, huh, that's usually like the one where, like, so like, he's a sensitive right, he has like efficient alarm systems. He's naturally good at connect dots. I did this thing, it hurt, I won't do it again. Like cause and effect, like he has a really good, I don't know, almost kind of like a smoke detector, like one bit of smoke and then it goes like nothing.
Jennifer Walter:And if this is you, there's a chance you probably beat yourself up for overreacting to feedback or criticism or perfectionism. But here's the truth your quick learning is actually a superpower. You just need better reflection systems to harness it. And after any difficult situation, ask yourself these three questions what worked, what didn't? What's one tiny tweak I want to try next time? Your brain already wants to learn. Just kind of like, give it a clear process and we have, like the unawares, the hidden patterns.
Jennifer Walter:Let's work with Maria Like she's. She just kept getting passed over for promotions and couldn't really figure out why my work is good. She like she's reliable, she get it. What Maria couldn't see would that she was being respectful, but her silence was being read as the moment someone connects those thoughts for her. Maria, here's what I'm noticing like everything changed, and this is often for like what I see in my coaching practice.
Jennifer Walter:Right, you need someone to kind of like see, hey, this is what I'm noticing, what's going on? Um, so it seems kind of like they're living this like invisible maze and they keep hitting the same wall over and over again, but they can't see what's blocking them. It's true, right, because you don't know what you don't know you have. Everyone has this blind spot of what you don't see. So this is this is why sometimes it's just super like a good idea to get outside, help, like to get someone who's like hey, this is what I've been noticing, how are you doing with it? How are you feeling with that?
Jennifer Walter:So it's not like you're not smart, it doesn't have anything to do with that. You just see patterns differently than other people do, or you're just in the in the midst of it and you don't see it as someone who looks from the outside. But once, like you've been told, like the glass shattered. So if this is you right, like all the times I'm sure you've heard, like just learn from your mistakes, which then feels possible, because it really impossible, because you don't really know what the mistake actually was. So I'm sure, like, if this is you, like, all punishment based approaches like fines, consequences, tough love, I'm sure they would backfire for you. Like, because you're not defiant, you're not like doing this on purpose, you're probably just not confused, but you're just you're not doing this on purpose. You're just like what wait? What? What's going on? Like find, like try this, find your pattern detective, someone who can lovingly point out what you can't see, maybe start a conversation like I keep ending up in this situation but I can't figure out what I'm doing to create it. Like, will you help me connect the dots? Can you help? Can you like mirror me what see?
Jennifer Walter:And then we have like category three, the compulsive, annoying but stuck. And then there's let's call him David. David knows exactly what's happening. He can tell you in detail why he's staying up until 2am scrolling social media and having like wrecked his morning routine because he wanted to get up early. He like understands that snapping as a kid when he's stressed is pushing them away. Like he reads the books, takes the courses, makes the plans, but when a moment comes, when he's tired, when a stress hits like I don't know, he snaps as a kid, his hand, raises for the phone or he reads for the ben and jerry's ice cream, he has my open, like it's with sharp words or like just putting more ben and jerry's and depending on a book.
Jennifer Walter:It's like watching yourself make the same mistake, emotion, dreaming of yourself to stop, but somehow unable to change course. Um, so it's almost kind of like they have this knowing doing gap and we had um, an episode, um a past episode on this. You can go, I will link it. Um. So the knowledge part of your brain works perfectly right, they understand cause and effect like I could have write a paper on this, but the breakdown and the bridge between knowing and acting, it's like they have the smoke detector that gets the alarm, but the alarm is not connected to the sprinkler system. So if this is you, you've probably been told you already know what to do. Just do it more times than you can count, and I know, sure, I for sure know I fucking can. And every time like it just feels too I don't know, just flap your arms harder when you're trying to fly. And it's not a motion and motivation problem or knowledge, it's just a different approach is needed. So try this for one.
Jennifer Walter:Stop trying to outthink this, because there's no out. It's that build what I, what I don't know. Let's call it moment of choice, scaffolding, or like a path, like a chain of moments. Have really clear use. Um like very clear, if, then plans in motion. If it's 9 pm, I plug my phone in the kitchen and pick up my book. Or just it's 9 pm, I plug my phone in the kitchen. If then no, but um, design your environment to work with you, right, so that, like, good choices are made, made easier for you. Um, like I don't have an alarm clock in your bedroom instead of your phone, um, have popcorn at home instead of like I don't know what. It is right, just work with your environment, let it support um, and also like connect with, with the body in a way, before acting on an urge of some kind.
Jennifer Walter:Um, there's several tools I use sometimes. I sometimes one helps me, sometimes I kind of like need a chain of those. I really like box breathing, like that's um. We also have an episode on this with michelle. Um, it's four counts in, four hold, four out, four, hold um. Or I like tapping. I have a lot of tapping scripts I use, so I don't have to think about it before I just grab out the script.
Jennifer Walter:Um, or I kind of like do the connect with my environment, like five, four, three, one. They're different things, right, and the goal isn't perfect self-control. It's just kind of like creating structures that work with your brain instead of again, and yeah, so this is really like interesting research, right, it's not really character flaws, they're not signs you're broken or weak, it's just different operating systems and that's why, of course, this all one size fits all social media advice fails so spectacularly. Like learn from your mistakes works great for sensitives, but it's useless for unawares who can't see the pattern. Or you just need more information. Helps unawares but frustrates compulsive who already have all the information they could possibly need, just use willpower fails everyone, but especially as compulsive.
Jennifer Walter:So the next time you find yourself in a familiar pattern, the one that makes you want to scream, why do I keep on doing this to myself? Just pause and ask which type am I in this situation and what kind of support does this part of me actually need? And here's the key takeaway right, you're not sabotaging yourself, you're protecting yourself just in ways that no longer serve you. So here's how we can put it into practice. Ask the right, right question Not why do I keep sabotaging myself, but what part of me is trying to protect me right now? Identify your pattern.
Jennifer Walter:Like quick learner, you might be a sensitive in this situation. Need things explained Likely unaware, no better, but can't stop. Might be in a compulsive profile. Use the right reframe. Right puts you back into partnership with yourself. No more blaming, no more kind of like I'm your worst enemy.
Jennifer Walter:If you're a sensitive or unaware, it can sound something like I don't understand why I do this and now I can choose different. That would also work really well in an eft tab. But if you lean compulsive, your reframe could be, um, something like I can't outthink this. I need structure, supports and practices that make change possible, and needing those doesn't make me work. Get the right support that might mean using, if, then planning, connecting with your body, you redesign your environment, working with a therapist or a coach, like whatever, right, it's just key to kind of like stop shaming yourself for being stuck. It's to recognize that your brain needs a different approach and to be curious, I'm like, okay, which approach can I try now again, instead of why do I keep sabotaging myself? The more compassionate question would be what kind of support does this part of me need so I can move forward? And that's, and I try now again. Instead of why do I keep sabotaging myself, the more compassionate question would be what kind of support does this part of me need so I can move forward? And that's the key, right, because self-sabotage isn't what you think it is. So the next time you hear yourself say I'm sabotaging myself, off and ask that what am I trying to act and what support would help me move forward? And that's kind of like how we move from blame to into change.
Jennifer Walter:So thank you for walking the Cine Group with me today. If this episode resonated, share it with someone who feels stuck in the I have my own worst enemy loop and check the show notes for the research and everything all the resources mentioned in this podcast. See you next week. And just like that, we've reached the end of another journey together on the Cine Group podcast. Thank you for spending time with us, curious for more stories or in search of the resources mentioned in today's episode. Visit us at scenigrouppodcastcom for everything you need.
Jennifer Walter:And if you're ready to embrace your scenigroup, I've got something special for you. Step off the beaten path with my scenigroup affirmation card deck. It's crafted for those moments when you're seeking courage, yearning to trust your inner voice and eager to carve out a path authentically, unmistakably yours. Pick your scenic route affirmation today and let it support you. Excited about where your journey might lead? I certainly am. Remember, the scenic route is not just about the destination, but the experiences, learnings and joy we discover along the way. Thank you for being here and I look forward to seeing you on the scenic route again.
