Solo vs. Group Travel in Sobriety: Lessons from El Salvador & Art Basel

In this reflective and relatable episode of The Sober Butterfly Podcast, host Nadine Mulvina shares how sobriety has completely transformed the way she travels — both solo and with groups.

Celebrating over three years sober since 2021, Nadine opens up about discovering new layers of her personality through travel, including realizing she’s both introverted and extroverted depending on the environment. She breaks down two recent trips that couldn’t have been more different: a solo sober trip to El Salvador and a group trip to Art Basel in Miami.

Through honest storytelling, Nadine explores why solo travel can be deeply empowering and grounding in sobriety, offering freedom, clarity, and self-discovery. She also dives into the realities of sober group travel — from meaningful connection to unexpected tension — including a candid story about navigating conflict with a “birthday girl” during the Miami trip.

This episode is packed with practical tips for traveling sober, especially if you’re the only non-drinker in the group. Nadine shares strategies like separating checks, avoiding alcohol-related expenses, finding quiet moments to recharge, and setting realistic expectations to protect your peace while traveling.

Whether you’re sober-curious, newly sober, or years into your alcohol-free journey, this episode offers reassurance, humor, and actionable advice for navigating travel — and relationships — without alcohol.

✨ Plus, Nadine teases an upcoming fan-favorite episode: 2025 Sober Wrapped.

🔑 Topics Covered

• Life in sobriety since 2021
• Solo travel vs. group travel while sober
• Traveling sober in El Salvador
• Art Basel Miami trip reflections
• Navigating group dynamics without alcohol
• Managing conflict and expectations in sobriety
• Introvert vs. extrovert energy in sober life
• Tips for sober travelers
• Protecting your peace on group trips

Transcript

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_055817: 0:00

Hello. Hello, butterflies. Welcome back to a new episode of the Sober Butterfly Podcast. This show has ADHD like me. We talk everything here at the Sober Butterfly, but mostly how to live your very best life without alcohol. And I've been doing just that. For those who may not know, the sober butterfly was born back in 2021 as an homage, I'll say to my social butterfly days. So in the we hours of my sobriety, I started my Instagram account and butterflies we know represent transition and transformation and metamorphosis and all the things. But also I was a social butterfly. The life of the party, larger than life persona, definitely going to talk to anyone and everyone fluttering from place to place, that was the identity that I held onto at that period in time when I was starting the Sober Butterfly as a way to hold on to that part of myself. However, I was in a transitory period, I was a caterpillar in early sobriety trying to figure out. What I needed to do to become really the butterfly When I had about three weeks of sobriety under my belt, I started my sober Instagram page because I didn't want to post anything under my real Instagram account, under my name handle. So I was like. Let me just create something separate. Like I was very much separating my identity as being like still the same person just now. I'm not drinking. So I start the Sober Butterfly and then I start traveling. Like I literally went three weeks into my sobriety on this group trip with two other girls, and we went to four countries and I had a ball and travel's always been so near and dear to my heart. It's probably the thing I love the most in life, aside from like my family and friends, you know? And funny enough, getting outside of my everyday routine of being in New York and trying to still hold on to like this old social butterfly part of me that was still going out and like feeling very triggered in early sobriety because people were like, oh, what do you mean you're not drinking? Kind of thing. Getting outside of that every day that familiar and traveling for six weeks to all these different places really helped me stay the course actually, and that's what I love so much about travel is because when you take yourself out of your ecosystem, it is uncomfortable. However you tend to grow. You tend to learn something from said trip or said experience and that's also what happens in sobriety. You are removed from an environment, even if it's chaotic. Where you feel comfortable. Very much my story thrived in chaos or thought I thrived. That was just my normal. And then when I removed myself from that environment, when I removed alcohol from my life, I was uncomfortable. And, through that process. I learned a lot about myself and the world, so I feel like travel and sobriety go hand in hand

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_061022: 3:13

so I would actually attribute a part of my success in early sobriety to travel. Like travel helped keep me grounded and gave me things to be excited about seeing these new places and getting to experience the world through a new set of eyes, like a new lens that wasn't clouded. With alcohol, my judgment and my state of consciousness wasn't altered and I was able to actually enjoy myself and remember these amazing experiences. Right.

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_061633: 3:43

One of the biggest challenges that I experienced in my early sobriety was around social dynamics, especially in group settings. I didn't really know how to show up as my authentic self because I didn't really have a. Very clear concept of self at the time. Like, I recognized I was in a period of transition, you know, metamorphosis, if you will. Like I am the caterpillar entering my chrysalis phase, which my chrysalis phase, by the way, was very much isolated. Isolation for preparation. I was feeling very triggered when I would go out and still try to act like the social butterfly. I didn't wanna be social so. I started to recite that mantra isolation for preparation. Like I knew I was getting ready for something greater. I just wasn't sure quite yet what that was. So I took time. And when I emerged, you know, that would've been the chrysalis phase, right? Like I'm literally inside this little bubble, this enclosure that I'm using to protect myself. And then when I felt ready. To reemerge into society like this is Bridger or something. I'm ready to be the bell of the ball again. But that's the thing I wasn't the bell. I was no longer like the life of the party. I was no longer the girl swinging from the chandelier. SIA, that song was like my mantra. If you were trying to figure out like what type of party girl, I was like, that was that song. Sia Chandelier. Like that song that was mean. All over the place. Lost. When I reentered society, like I, I couldn't do that anymore. Well, sure I could do that. I could dance on top of tables, but that just didn't seem fun. And so I had to learn to redefine what fun meant. What is Nadine like to actually do? Because what I love to do was drink, but you can't tell people that you like, people would be like, what? What are your hobbies? And I'd be like in my head immediately I like to drink, but that sounds bad when you say that out loud. So I'd be like, I like to read. I do like to read, but like with a glass of wine, like that was like my whole thing. Back then, I couldn't really do anything without alcohol entering the picture. Redefining fun, rediscovering parts of myself that were hidden, helped me also redefine my identity because at the time I was still tethered to this old self. Like I still very much wanted to be the life of the party. I still wanted to be the extroverted friend, but actually. I rediscovered that I'm not that person. Like I'm way more introverted than others believed, because at the time I was using this social lubricant so often to loosen myself up, to lose myself to them feel confident or false confidence to go up to people or do these like really outrageous things that everyone's gonna talk about tomorrow in the group chat. That was me. So once I no longer had that social lubricant and had to like. Rely on myself, like my core, my personality. I realized like a couple of things. I don't love nightlife as much anymore because it's not as fun when you're sober. Let's just be honest. Let's call a spade. Why does everyone get so loud when they're drinking? Anyway, back to this. So I'm rediscovering who I am, what I like, and I realize I didn't like to go out as much. And so one of the big scares for me. And early sobriety was socializing in my everyday life, let alone travel. Because when you travel with people, you are outside of your comfort zone. So now you're in a foreign place with foreign people. And when I say foreign people, I don't mean the people that inhabit those places that you travel to. I mean the people that you are traveling with. Because so often you learn about who someone truly is. When you travel with them, you could know this person. This could be your best friend for 10 years, but if you guys have never taken a trip together, do you actually know this person? Question, do you actually really know? Because I don't think you do.

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_061022: 7:56

Back to the present with these two trips. I recently took both had amazing highs. Both have benefits, both had drawbacks.

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_063252: 8:06

in this episode, I want to explore the value of both solo travel and group travel, because I think both have their respective places. And if you're anything like me, I always like to have a trip booked in my mind, right? Like, where am I going next? I will be enjoying a trip, thinking about my next trip. So I'm already in the planning phases for 2026 and I have some big travel goals in mind of places that I wanna see, but I don't know sometimes if I wanna see these places alone or if I wanna see these places with other people. And if you're anything like me and you are thinking about 2026 travel already, I think this episode will help you figure out like if you should take a solo trip to set destination or if you should, and invite the crew. You have to decide for yourself what makes sense. This episode is not trying to convince you to go one way or the other. I will say, if you've never. Taking a solo trip, consider that for your next vacay. Or if you've never gone on a girls trip or a group trip, consider locking into a community and trying to go on a group trip. I think there's value in both, but I also think there's drawbacks in both. So I'm gonna recap for you guys my two recent trips. One solo to El Salvador and one group trip to Art Basel in Miami. Let's get into it.

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_061633: 9:33

If you can handle traveling with someone, it starts at the airport. Actually back it up. It starts before the airport. It starts with the planning process. You just have to figure out if your styles match and you're aligned and you can communicate and all the things. So group travel is next level was a point I'm making here. And so one of the first group trip that I took was in 2022. I went to Vegas with my cousin and., Her best friends, and I traveled with them before, so that was nice, but never sober. We went to Vegas for the Usher residency. Vegas is a lot. Already. And like these women, while I know them, these are my cousin's friends, you know? I don't know them as closely as, of course my cousin does. So there were a lot of like questionable factors there. But I ended up actually having so much fun. And so that in itself. Help me believe in group travel as a sober person. Fast forward now two years, so that was like 2022. Oh, three years. Wow. Where does time go? So back to this last weekend, I had the pleasure of going to Art Basel. It was Baby's First Art Basel. I had so much fun. I went with a group of three other women. Four, well, three. Women stayed at the Airbnb, and then the fourth one really ushered the way for us. We were all newbies. Another girl, Thea, shout out to her, she. Hooked us up. Like she had so much connections and she was the plug, basically like she locked us into all the parties, VIPs. It was amazing. I was so grateful for her. And I didn't know these women before this trip. So one of my besties Kay. Who I've traveled with before. We've gone to like Guatemala together. She's visited me when I was in Mexico., Where else have we gone? We've gone places. Anyway, so Kay invited me on this trip and oh, we went to Puerto Rico this year, duh. For her birthday. Yeah we've traveled so Kay invites me to Art Basel this year, and she was already in the planning phases with some colleagues of hers,

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_063123: 11:53

Kay works for a big tech company and through her network met three other women. Who are beautiful, successful, black, and they connected and decided that they would do Art Basel together. So I was like the outsider in the group that. Didn't know the other women aside from my friend.

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_063613: 12:16

So being the like outsider, I was a little nervous. Even though I have four and a half years of sobriety, I still get a little nervous in social settings. I have a lot more confidence, but I also think if I'm not enjoying myself, it's a lot easier to just call the Uber and. Role when you're by yourself in your city. I had a little nervous energy going into the group trip, and I'm gonna get into some of the nuance behind that later on. But let's just say I don't know these girls. I know my best friend. I trust her. I trust her discernment over who gets invited, but also I have questions. I have some fears going into this and getting to know some of the personalities in the group chat that we had. However, I'm not even like a group chat girly, like I actually get anxiety. It let me know if you're like me. I don't like group chats. I'm so busy, especially during the day, and I feel like the group chat blows up when I'm doing something and then I feel like responsible for going back and reading 150 messages and liking things and like commenting, replying to specific. It's just too much. I hate group chats, sidebar, that's me. But anyway, I was getting to know some of these women and their personalities in the group chat, but I didn't get to know them until we met them at check-in at our Airbnb in Miami. We stayed in Bayside, which is like right on the cusp of Brickell. Beautiful Airbnb. It was also in a hotel called the eler. Highly recommend staying there. It felt like a really prime location for going out. A lot of restaurants and things are in Brickell in Miami. And also good proximity to where the art was in Wynwood or like going to South Beach to see the actual scope, which is the convocation center that they use or built for this particular. Like the biggest exhibit. So we were in a good spot, and when I met them at the Airbnb, this is like everything coming to life. There was, I will, okay, I'll start here. There was a little bit of drama before the trip. There was a little drama in the group chat, which was like really frustrating around rooming configurations. So we actually ended up upgrading our Airbnb to another. Unit that had more space to accommodate us. So that was resolved thankfully, but that's just added. I forgot to mention that. That kind of added to like my anxiety going into it. I'm like, whoa, are we gonna be good? And there was also just misinformation or mis, I wouldn't say misinformation, like misunderstanding around the purpose of the trip, the purpose, I was under the assumption, the purpose. And I think many people were under the assumption, this is some shade here, that the trip was for Art Basel. Someone else had the impression that this trip was for their birthday and that played out. That was a reoccurring theme throughout our experience in Miami. So yeah, there were some level setting we had to do. There were some, expectation setting that we had to figure out before we even. Got there, or before I even met these women in real life. But my best friend handled that mostly. So kudos to her. We get there, it's good energy it's good times. And so my first pro of group travel is yeah, you're gonna have fun. The girls are there, especially if you're on the girls trip, like the ones that I take typically, my group trips or girls trips and they are so much fun. Even if there's drama, it's fun. Especially in hindsight, you can reflect. That's when the group chat actually is good. When you were like. Recapping all of the drama. Oh, another thing is I was the only sober girl on this trip, so I'll get into towards the end of the episode, like giving specific tips around how to be. Sober in a group setting where other people are drinking. So don't worry. I will get to that. That's really important. Yeah, I was the only sober girl, but I still had a lot of fun. I had so much fun I think it's the female energy and there were just so many moments where like we bonded around being women. Like I was a little worried, like I'm like, are they gonna talk about work the whole time? No, they didn't because being women, we have so much more. Depth, there's so many more commonalities that we can talk about beyond what we do for a living professionally. So like we were able to connect beyond the superficial stuff. We had real conversations actually getting to know each other.

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_065011: 16:58

Okay. Another pro or benefit of group travel. This may sound a little superficial, but it's a legit reason for me. When I was outlining this episode, I was like, yeah it's true. I'm gonna say it. You have a built-in photography team, okay? You can get video content. At the same time that you get photo contact, like you can have four to five different cameras in your face at any given time, and that is a pro okay. That is a major pro. It is so nice to not have to walk up to strangers.'cause as mentioned, I solo travel a lot and I'm introverted, extroverted. I'm not afraid to go up to a stranger and ask for something if I need to. But the content always comes out better when it's people that are actually invested in the quality of the content. If I'm on a solo trip, I will literally like people watch and limb profile who to ask. I'm never asking a man. Why would I ask a man? I ask the women. The women know what they're doing typically. Now, of course, if there were no women around, I will ask a man and I will have to cue him to do what I want. You gotta tell these men what you want from them. I'm like, no. Why are you, why is the phone horizontal? Come on, it's 2025. You should know this. Okay. I want the whole fit from head to toe. Get the shoes. Okay. So anyway, back to this. So it's so nice to just have people who are invested in the outcome and like genuinely wanna get the best angles and shots for you. And also it's fun to like recap with the girls around okay, do you like this photo? Which one do you think is better? Or can I post this? I'm looking only at myself, but you look good too. Like that kind of thing. So truly a benefit. There's always like that lull in the girls trip where everyone's just like looking through their content, their photos like, oh, okay, heart this one, I'm gonna add that one to the slide deck. You know that people are orchestrating their post in their mind in real time. You get to see that.

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_065427: 18:51

Okay. And the last pro I'm gonna talk about,'cause there are lots, but I don't want this to be a two hour episode. So the other pro I'm gonna talk about here when it comes to group travel, is the growth. There's so much growth, like group trips can make or break relationships. More recently from Art Basel, I grew closer to Kay, my best friend. We shared a room together. The fact that I can share a room and a bathroom with her and still call her my friend That's growth, that's real friendship. That was as mentioned, the part of the drama before we left was around room configurations. And even though we upgraded, like Kane and I still had to share a room because we are the only people that really know each other on this trip. So it made sense don't get me wrong, and actually I'm so glad that it worked out that way because we got to pillow talk. We had our own beds, but like we got to pillow talk at night'cause we're sharing a room and like just reflect and it's just so cute to have that also. We match each other in many ways or reflect each other's patterns. We both like to wake up early. We both like to get coffee immediately. So we were doing that, we were getting up early going on our little coffee runs and working out. And it's just nice to have someone that I'm so close with and get to grow closer to them. And then newfound friendships One of the other women in that girls trip that, I didn't know prior to this trip I really connected with and really grew with, and she's someone that I respect and admire and yeah, it's nice to walk away from a girl's trip feeling like, oh, I made a new friend. She's definitely someone that I would travel with again. Imagine like first time meeting and first time traveling together. That's big. And me saying like I would love to hang out with her and travel with her again is major. Now in that same respect, growing with someone, you can also grow apart from someone before it even begins, before the relationship even starts trial, period. This was an initiation and one of the girls, I'm sorry. She got cut. I am not even trying to leave a cliffhanger here, but that's on the con side. That's gonna be on the con side of group travel, so I promise I'm gonna give you the juicy details because it was juicy momentarily. Please hold.

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_065755: 21:10

Okay, let's get into now the pros of solo travel. I historically love to solo travel. I'm not afraid to do things by myself. I'm an Aries, which we are the sign of self, so maybe that has something to do with it. We are fiercely independent. I don't need anyone to do anything. In fact. I probably need to ask people to do things and help more, but yeah, I am. That is my mantra as an Aries. And then coupled with the fact that I'm also an only child, so I grew up, I. Very much in periods of solitude. And I'm okay with my own company and now that I'm sober, like I really am okay with my own company. I don't need to distract myself from myself or drink to avoid myself. I like myself, I love myself even yeah, solo travel though, always gives me the opportunity to learn something even deeper, even more profound or prolific about myself that maybe subconsciously I knew, but like it hadn't quite registered to all parts of me. And more recently when I went to El Salvador over Thanksgiving break, which. That's about to be a new tradition, guys. Let me tell you, my flight to go to El Salvador from New York was around the same cost it would have been for me to travel to Florida to see my family. I'm sorry. I love my family so much, but I'm gonna see them for Christmas. We're going on an eight day cruise together. We're gonna have a lot of time. And my family's British, We fake celebrate Thanksgiving, but like Americans tell me all the time, it's their favorite holiday. And I'm like, oh, really? Mind blown. Anyway, new tradition locked in for me. I'm traveling for Thanksgiving. It was amazing, this solo trip I learned so much about. The culture in El Salvador did you know, sorry, I'm gonna be that person right now. Did you know that El Salvador has no crime? Zero. Zero crime guys, this country. Complete rebrand. This country has completely transformed and it went from being the most dangerous country, one of the most dangerous countries in the world, if not the most. I'm sure at one point it held the top five spot. Due to unfortunately all of the gang violence and just the fear, the grip that the gang culture had on El Salvador, this very small country was. Unbelievable for so long, and the people that even were able to leave and immigrate to other places could not return home to see their families. It was that bad. The violence, the murders, the extortion. Like I'm not gonna give you a full history here, but it was bad. Okay? It was bad. It now. Zero crime. So when I was telling people that I was going to El Salvador and it would be a solo trip, a lot of people were looking at me like I was crazy. Like the people that don't know that they have a new president and they've, reformed their country completely. They threw all of those gang members into prison. They no longer are on the streets. In fact, I learned another fun back for you, if you have any type of gang related tattoo immediately to jail, immediately, 25 years in prison. I was just like, whoa, like multiple people told me this. But yeah, it's because to be initiated or to receive said tattoo was such an honor, and that means that you would have had to have killed someone. So immediately they don't ask questions. You're going to prison. So that's what they do. They locked up a lot of the gang members, and with time, that of course changed the culture. Another really cool thing I learned in El Salvador is that they also have a zero tolerance policy around drinking and driving. One of my tour guides was like, Hey. Did you rent a car?'cause if you did, make sure you don't drink and drive. Like he went out his way to tell me that and I was like, I did not rent a car and I don't drink, so no problem. I was like, totally fine with that. No issue. And then someone else also mentioned this to me and they were explaining it's because they used to have really high rates of vehicular manslaughter. Due to drinking and driving. I'm gonna paraphrase this right now, but it was something like, whatever the point system is when you breathalyze, like if it's 0.00, whatever the lowest threshold, like literally a sip or two of beer and that's caught in your system, in your bloodstream, that is immediately three days in jail. No questions. And then it keeps going up the scale. So if you blow at a even higher rate that's above that or above the legal limit, which the legal limit is zero, so nevermind, like above whatever markets they have, then it turns from three days into three weeks, up to three months in jail. This is like not crashing your car. This is just getting caught drinking and driving and being breathalyzed. So when I heard that, I was like, wow. That is so cool. I love that actually. So yeah, learning a lot about the culture, but then even learning about myself.

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_070551: 26:10

so more recently I learned about myself that I am actually. Extroverted. I went from telling you guys that I was extroverted when I was drinking, and then when I stopped drinking, I became introverted. And I thought, actually, I'm an introvert.'cause I, I've always been shy as a little girl. I was very shy and then the alcohol made me extroverted. But actually I think I'm a little bit of both. What is it, the ambivert, what is it called? Like where you're both. I desperately need periods of stillness and quiet, and I do need to have uninterrupted me time, but I also really do feel energized when I'm around the right people. And when I'm sober, I get to control that. I have higher standards when it comes to my tolerance for people in general, but also like me being an extrovert. I will go out my way to get to know people and talk to people, and I made friends on this trip. Imagine I got into El Salvador Wednesday night. At like midnight, we took a taxi to my Airbnb, checked into my Airbnb around 1:00 AM, went to sleep for a few hours because I had a 5:00 AM pickup for a day tour I had scheduled. I got picked up at five it was a group tour, so right after we picked up a couple from DC who just so happened to be black, which was so amazing'cause I was the only black person on my flight. And when I was boarding my flight to go to El Salvador from Newark, people. Were looking at me like I was lost, like literally like people turning around oh, are you sure you're supposed to be getting on this flight? It had me questioning oh wait, am I not supposed to be going to El Salvador? I'm confused. I'm also so tall, as a people they're shorter. Like I'm five 11, so I was like towering over. People, and I'm black and I have these long braids in my hair. I very much stood out. So anyway when we picked up this black couple from DC I was like, oh my god, black people, this is crazy. What are you guys doing here? We're both, it's like a crossover episode. Like we both decided who would've thought to go to El Salvador for Thanksgiving. This is Thanksgiving day now, right? So this is Thursday. Anyway, they were so incredible. I loved them. I connected so deeply with them. We spent the entire day together. We did all of the main attractions, like the rainbow slide at Cafe Albania. And we went, four wheeling quading, a TV riding, whatever you call it. And that was so much fun. We had delicious papusas. You gotta eat the papusas. We saw some attractions. It was just a jam packed day. By the end of the trip, spending 12 plus hours together, we were locked in. I was like, we're friends now. I only spent one day in the San Salvador area, which is their capital. And that day was mostly spent at. And that day pretty much was spent touring. So the following day I was leaving to go to the beach, so I wouldn't actually see them again or I didn't think I would see them again, but we were like, let's keep in touch exchange Instagrams and whatnot. So then I moved to the Alto Co area, which is the beach and. You know what, that kind of leads to my second pro of solo travel. You can do whatever you want whenever you want. It's like Shakira says, whenever. That yodel. She does. Okay. Focus. Nadine. Nadine. So I got to do. Whatever I wanted. So I moved to the beach. I'm like, I don't have to check in with anyone. I don't wanna ask them if they wanna spend more time in the Capitol. No, I saw what I had to see in the Capitol. I went to the LA Beca, like the major library they have there. A beautiful church. I did those things, but like otherwise, you don't really need to be in San Salvador. I'm actually gonna drop my El Salvador vlog this weekend, so make sure you're following the sober butterfly on YouTube to check out everything I did. I'm back in my vlogging era, guys. I just need to get back in my editing era, but I've vlog that whole trip and so yeah, I moved to the beach and I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to. It's really beautiful to not have to consult people Sometimes. It's what do you wanna do? I have this unstructured free time, which is rare, and I get to spend it doing exactly what I want to do, which is rare, which is why I go so hard for solo travel, to be honest with you. I just think there's nothing better than spending time with the best person you know, which should be you. You are the best person, and then you get to go somewhere that you wanna go to. You wanna be there, and then you get to do what you wanna do. I don't know. Like I said, guys, I'm an Aries. The sign itself, I love me. I am definitely main character over here. Never had an issue with that.

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_072325: 30:55

All righty. So let's talk about some of the cons or like drawbacks of group travel high potential for drama. The moment you guys have all been waiting for my Art Basel Miami recap drama. Oh my god. Drama alert, so remember the birthday girl that I mentioned like. Misalignment around, or misunderstandings I should say, around why we were going to Miami to begin with. Birthday girl over here was just coming in very hot with the diva esque energy of someone who thinks that. We should kiss the ground that she walks on so anyway, birthday girl over here, that's what she shall be referred to. Birthday girl was doing too much for me. She was just doing too much for me. Huh. I will only speak for myself, but the drama when you are on a girl's trip is just so draining and awkward, especially depending on when. When the drama starts. Miami was four days. Okay? So got to Miami Friday. Friday was actually fun. Going back to my first pro, it was fun. We had a great time. And my second pro for group travel, lots of photos, lots of content. I have content for days. And then. Growing. Yeah. Getting to know girls. Great day one. Friday night was so much fun. Highlight for me Saturday. Now different story. So birthday girl over here was exhibiting early signs of her like birthday Divaness. I don't know if she's always like this. I'll be honest and fair. I don't know if she's always like this or if it, if her birthday was really like making her act out of character. Another thing is it wasn't actually her birthday's like a week later or something like that. So like she's the type of person that's it's a birth month. Whatever. I get it. Like really no shade to that, but like we made it clear we're not going for your birthday. We're happy to celebrate you, but this is not why we're doing this. And she was very much giving off energy like we were her birthday entourage. I have examples, don't worry, I'm not making statements here without the receipts. So Friday night we go out. We have a good time. When we get back to our Airbnb birthday, girl makes it very clear that she does not want to be disturbed. She said multiple times she wanted to sleep in. She wanted to sleep in, she wanted to wake up on her own, made it very clear to the group, do not disturb. Do not poke the bear. So I wake up early. Kay wakes up early. The other friend, let's give her a name. Let's call her Carrie.'cause she looks at Carrie Washington so Carrie. Wakes up. We wake up around the same time and we're like, let's go grab coffee. Like shared interest, right? Let's go get this coffee. We don't disturb birthday girl. Go downstairs. Carrie is being very considerate and she texts birthday girl. Hey, we're leaving out to get coffee. Do you want anything? Birthday girl. Birthday girl immediately responds, yes, please. And gives her coffee order. So she's up, she's awake. She responded immediately and I even made a comment like, oh, there's coffee in the lobby.'cause like I knew I also wanted to go walk around. So if she wants the coffee right now, she's not gonna get it. Unless Carrie goes back and immediately gives it to her, but I wanna go for a little walk. So I literally said there's coffee in the lobby. Free coffee. Anyway. Carrie buys birthday girl coffee. Then we go to CVS or Walgreens to get like some knickknacks, some essentials. And now Carrie gives Birthday girl a play by play. She's Hey, yeah, like now we're at CVS. Do you want anything? Birthday girl wants hair products. In fact, we're checking out and Carrie has to go back to the aisle to get another hair product for her. This is not cheap stuff. This comes up to 50 bucks worth of hair product. So Carrie, just for context, buys absolutely nothing for herself. Let's jump to the next scene. We go to a different coffee shop to check it out on the walk back. It looked cute. Oh, I see. Pastries. I'm a happy girl. I order a pastry. Kay. Orders like a breakfast. Sandwich. Carrie, lets. Birthday girl know that, Hey, now we're getting food. Do you want anything? Yes. She wants something. She gets a sandwich. All right, cool. Walking back now. So she's giving her a full account of our movement, like what we are doing every step of the way. And not just that, but offering to get her stuff to which. Birthday girl saying yes. Get me coffee. Yes. Get me these hair products. Yes, get me food. So now we get back to our hotel and we didn't have a chance to really check out the space fully. So on the way up, we decided to go look at the pool area and it's just such a beautiful day in Miami, Florida, December. Oh my God. I would kill to have weather like that year round. I'm saying that like I didn't grow up in Florida Anyway, it was just so nice to be in the warmth. So we're like, Hey, let's just hang out here and eat breakfast. So now Carrie calls birthday girl to let her know that we're back, but we're actually by the pool. And she literally says to her do not get dressed. Just throw something on. We're like wearing whatever. Come meet us. I have your stuff. So cool. We're thinking everything's good. We're chatting. I'm on the phone for 10 minutes. We eat, we finish our coffee. We're not really thinking about birthday girl, but oh, we are thinking now like we wanna get our day going and started, and we wanna get a workout in before, so we decide to go upstairs. So we go upstairs when we get back into the apartment. Birthday girl's not there. Oh, so we must have just missed her.'cause all we did was go from the pool up to the 27th floor. So Carrie, once again, being a great girlfriend, being a girl's girl, through and through picks up the phone, calls her Hey, like, where are you? We're back in the apartment and so I can't hear what's going on, but all of a sudden click. I know it was a click because of Carrie's reaction. Oh I think she hung up on me. I'm sorry. That is my number one pet peeve. Do not hang up the phone on me. That is so rude. Okay. But we're giving her the benefit of the doubt. We're like, oh, why would she hang up the phone? She said oh, why didn't we tell her and then click? So we're still thinking, okay, maybe she's in the elevator and it cut off. What? Who hangs up on people? What, anyway, we start getting ready to go to the gym. That's the next phase of our day and I'm in the bathroom, kaylyn's like in our door well, which like leads to the living room area. Carries in the living room all of a sudden from all the way in my bathroom, which is inside the bedroom, in the back corner. So pretty far I can hear slam door slams. It is Miss birthday girl back. In some kind of mood clearly, and all of a sudden I just hear raised voice very loud, and she goes, and I'm gonna quote her verbatim here, guys you can't make this up. She goes. Why didn't you tell me you were back upstairs? You ruined my morning. I could have stayed in bed. Why didn't you tell me you came back upstairs. You ruined my morning. I could have stayed in bed just like that. She's serious. At first I thought she was joking'cause I can't see her face. I'm in the bathroom, Kaylyn's standing in the door while so she can see what's going on. And of course, birthday girl's talking to Carrie, so Carrie's right there. I can't see the face, so I'm thinking like, oh, she's playing like she's joking, right? Because there's no way she's serious after Carrie. Literally bought you breakfast, coffee, and$50 worth of hair products. No way. So then I realized based off of the look on Kailyn's face, kailyn has one of those faces where you can read. You know exactly what's going on. She hides nothing. Okay. She can't, I don't even think she can if she wanted to. So you can read on her face what's going on, and so immediately I peep that this is serious. I'm like, oh she's serious. So I'm like, Kailyn, come here. Come I'm trying to get Kailyn in the room because I'm like I don't know these girls like that. If something goes down and Calin gets involved, then I'm gonna get involved and okay, let's just. Let's just mind our own business for a second. I think Carrie got this and to Carrie's credit. She did. Got it. Okay. She got it. She handled that situation like what does Michelle Obama say when they go low? You go high. It was so perfect. It was so calm. She did not respond the way that I honestly would've responded, which would've been like, probably, I'm sorry, who the fuck are you talking to? I'm sorry. Like, when I'm angry, I start laughing. So I probably would've started to laugh and I was getting angry for her because birthday girl kept going. She didn't stop. So Carrie's trying to diffuse the situation. Babe, she literally said, babe calm down. Like she was saying things like that. What? It's not that serious, take a breath, like trying to calm her down to ground her and. Nope. Birthday girl slams her door, goes into her bedroom after she takes the stuff that Carrie has bought her. And then Carrie still tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, still tried to give her an opportunity to figure her herself out, conduct herself accordingly. She knocks on her door to let her know that we're going to the gym because that's what the plan was. And the birthday girl's I'm just angry. I'm just hangry. I just need a moment. And Sam's the door again. Yeah, that was day two. We still have two more days together. That was Saturday. We were not leaving until Monday. Yeah, it put a damper in the trip. It changed the dynamic completely. This is my interpretation so Birthday girl is a s obviously it's her birthday. It's her birthday. Guys, don't forget. She's a fire sign. I'm a fire sign as an equal fire sign. Like we show up differently, like we burn differently. But I get that like dynamic energy, which can be a lot sometimes we burn so brightly or too much to where we can extinguish someone and that was the energy birthday girl was giving and Kay and I am sure were not helping.'cause we were like, what the fuck was that? I like what? Like I would've that kind of thing. Like girl, like how could she? So anyway, we learn more about the story and all of the behind the scenes things that beyond even just that moment that morning of her doing all those things for her, like she had done other things for birthday girl, other things that like just out of her being a good person birthday girl is parked at her house right now as we speak because birthday girl didn't wanna drive and pay parking at the airport. So she's riding with Carrie. Anyway, Carrie was very diplomatic. Kudos to you, Carrie. But then I think she realized that girl tried her life and decided that she just was no longer going to interact with her. So it was awkward, that drama, while nothing else like big happened, like nothing else, like imploded nothing else heightened to that like degree happened again. If the girl tried to apologize, but like the worst type of apology where like you take no accountability if you're not gonna take accountability and take responsibility for what you did or said, don't apologize, I would value you. Save that for someone who doesn't have emotional maturity because. You can't half-ass apologize to me and tell me that oh, you are hang. Or you think that maybe you were still drunk that's why you did it. And you had a hard time finding the pool area and none of the cleaning staff spoke English. So like you were confused and went to the lobby. These are the real excuses she was giving. I was overhearing her. Share with Kay, but like that's why she res reacted that way. I'm sorry, but I would rather you just not say sorry. So yeah. Changed the dynamic and that's the thing about group trips. There just tends to be a higher threshold or higher possibility for drama. Yeah. And it's harder to Remove yourself from said drama. When you have plans and you have an itinerary and you don't wanna ruin the vibes for everyone, which once again, shout out to Carrie'cause she kept it very. Honestly, like Carrie Washington and what was that show Scandal like? Game face on, she had her corporate face on. Okay. She went from talking to birthday girl oh, yeah, we're cool. We're home girls to, we work together. You are my colleague and I will address you as such. Yeah.

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_074242: 43:58

The next real drawback for me at least, no, I'll keep this one short. Like there's not much more to it. A drawback or con for me is you have to consider other people. Now, I'm not an inconsiderate person like any means. I'm actually very nice. I'm very considerate. Even though I didn't offer birthday girl anything from our little coffee walk I'm glad I didn't consider her now. But anyway, you do have to consider other people. You have to move as a unit, as a group, and that can be really frustrating. Once birthday girl did that, like she kept doing other things and now it's almost like prophecy fulfilling. Like she kept fucking up in all these other ways Being consistently late when we have agreed on the time to leave. So that same day after she blew up like a couple hours later, we're getting ready to leave and she was not ready to go. And at this point now we have no patience for you. Nobody is really fucking with you. Let's be real. Kay had actually talked to birthday girl beforehand to be like, Hey we're getting ready to leave. And saw that she had this big stain on this like silk fitted gold dress that she was wearing. It was a pretty dress, but the stain was striking. It was huge. And it was all the way at the bottom, like this dark spot and. That was the issue with our Airbnb. The one critique I would have is that there was no full length mirror, so we couldn't actually see ourselves full length. But Kaylyn told her. Kay told her about this damn stain. So I have no patience for her. I call the Uber. At that time I didn't know about the stain'cause I was putting on finishing touches to my own look. But I walk out into the living room and everyone's ready but birthday girl and she comes running out her room. I've already called the Uber at this point'cause Kay told me everyone was ready. And she's wearing the same dress with the same stain and she's oh my God. What could this be like? She's asking me now, she's what is this? What do you think Lisa is? Do you think it's water referring to the stain? In my mind. I'm like, I've already called the Uber. Why are you not dressed? Are you wearing that? I was literally like, are you still wearing that? And she's what do you think it is? Do you think it's water and it will dry? I was like did you get it wet? Will you buy water? No. And then I was like, you have oil. And maybe I was curt, but I was like looking at her. She is glowed up oil all over her body, shining like a baby seal. I'm like, you have oil all over you, so I'm gonna assume it's oil, which won't dry. Okay. One plus one. And the Uber is two minutes away, so we're gonna go downstairs. Are you coming with us? Or you're gonna meet us? That's how I'm talking to her. That's the energy because like she's ruined it, but like back to. Drawback number two, like you have to consider other people or what a logical person. What I probably would've done in that moment is I would've been like, no, I'll just meet you guys there, because I don't wanna be the person that now holds everyone else up, which she did for a good 10 minutes. We just sat in the Uber talking to the Uber driver, taking photos, waiting for her to come downstairs. If you don't like considering other people, that can be a drawback. And one of my pros from solo travel was how much I love to just do whatever I want whenever I wanna do it. So yeah, for me it's a drawback at times.

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_074700: 47:07

And the last drawback I would say for group travel personally is I think sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming or overstimulating for someone like me who has a DHD, it's just like. There's very little time for you to like break free from the group. And while this group was pretty chill around, like people taking the space and time they need, I've been on group trips before where it's like somebody thinks something's wrong if I wanna go do something by myself. And it's like, no babe, I just like wanna do something by myself for a moment. I've been with you for the last 48 to 72 hours. Every moment except for when I'm in the bathroom. So yeah, that's something to consider because if you are someone that gets easily overwhelmed or over stimulated, that could be a drawback. That could be an issue. The second night we went out. We went to Wynwood to go to this party called Everyday People. Now they host everyday people in like different cities. But we wanted to go to the Art Basel one because thanks to one of the girls, we had access to a VIP there. But like, there were just so many people. To the extent that like my network I have at t. I had very limited reception because it was just so many people out there. So like for me, that was a bit overwhelming. That's not like a group trip dynamic per se problem. But I probably would've left if that were me by myself. Like I, I probably wouldn't have been there to begin with too many people. So, yeah, sometimes it can be a bit much.

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_074858: 48:36

Now on the flip side, some drawbacks to solo travel I have less drawbacks for solo travel. I was stretching myself to come up with three. I couldn't, so here you go. My only two real like drawbacks for solo travel. Here is an addendum. Solo sober travel. Solo sober travel. Emphasis on that part. These are my only two drawbacks. I said it can be lonely at times, can be, I don't experience too much loneliness when traveling solo and in El Salvador, I didn't feel lonely ever. But there have been times where I have felt lonely, It depends, on the length of the trip. El Salvador was basically a long weekend, so short and sweet Monday or Wednesday through Monday, in and out. So I didn't really have a chance to feel lonely. I was like doing stuff or with people. On other solo trips I've taken that are a bit longer like longer than the week yeah, I would say I've experienced periods of loneliness, but they don't persist. And that's why I was like, even do I put this one down? Because I can feel lonely at home. I don't know if that's like a solo travel thing, but I put it there. And you know what it is, like often when I do get that ping of loneliness, it's because I'm comparing myself to someone else. I'll see. A couple. It's always a couple, a cute couple, not any old couple. Like I'll see a cute couple and I'm like, oh my gosh, I want that. That's pretty much the only time I would say like honestly, that I will feel lonely is I'll feel like a little ping of jealousy or I want that. And if I see like a couple. But yeah, that's what I put. I did not feel like I said lonely though in El Salvador. And then the other potential con that I put here is higher danger threshold. Like a higher potential for danger? Yeah, I guess if you're solo traveling, you're by yourself. You could be more of a target, but I just have. Street smarts or travel smarts. I live in a big city. I don't drink, not drinking. Being sober really is a game changer. When I was drinking and doing solo trips. Yeah, very fucking dangerous, countless stories. How did I survive? But sober, no. Yeah, so sorry this side is shorter and once again, not trying to steer you anyway. I'm just recapping El Salvador and Art Basel and group chips versus solo chip. So yeah, that's my takeaway. I really don't think I had a single con from El Salvador. Really racking my brain. No, nothing.

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_075309: 51:24

okay. Just to wind down the episode here, I wanted to offer some tips for group travel and specifically if you are sober. One of the only sober or the only sober person in a group setting dynamic while traveling. So like this girl's trip that I recently took, yeah, I was the only person not drinking. And so I learned and I was paying extra attention this time, like so I could give you guys actionable feedback that has helped me. So my number one tip for you guys is to separate checks. Separate checks are a love language. If you are sober, get your own check whenever possible because alcohol is typically very expensive, especially in places like Miami. And you should not be paying for other people's drinking. If you can go into a girl's trip and explain that to people ahead of time or just talk directly to the waiter, it just sets you up for success now you don't have to feel responsible for paying for other people's drinks. And by the way, the girls I was with were amazing in that department. Like they did not expect me or want me to, pay for their alcohol and they even address it so I didn't have to bring it up first. Oh, Nadine doesn't drink. So like her mocktails are obviously going to be way less than our drinks.

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_075545: 52:43

another thing you can do is like a pro move, which one of the girls suggested this was you can put alcohol on a separate check and food on another. So night two, we went to Komodo for dinner, which is so delicious. Highly recommend that if you're in Miami, go to Komodo. It is very sny, but the food is actually delicious and everyone orders this. Alcoholic drink called the Pikachu, and they serve it to you in a Pikachu glass, like a mug, not even a glass. It's very like childish, but it's like the thing to order, but it's cute. But if you're into like that novelty Pokemon thing, Kay was not impressed. But apparently the drink was good, had alcohol in it, so I didn't try it. But that was an example that Pikachu drink probably cost like 35 bucks. I had sparkling water or I can't remember if I got even the mocktail,'cause I'm like phasing out of my mocktail era to be real with you guys. Unless somebody knows what they're doing and it's a really well balanced drink. I just don't think it's worth all of the extra bells and whistles and sugar and money to be quite frank. Like I'm very content now having my sparkling water and. Lime or lemon. So anyway, one of the girls when we got to Komodo was like, Hey, can we put the alcohol on a separate check because we would be sharing all the food. And I just so appreciated that. So that is a pro tip for you. Trust me, when they say nothing ends a girls trip faster than the moment the bill hits the table. Especially if people have been drinking like. All of a sudden everyone's bad at math and then you feel like you have to be like the documentarian and take a picture of every single receipt with the line itemized. It's a lot. So I would just say tip number one for you, I have three. My first tip is to separate your checks if possible, or to just figure out how alcohol is going to be split amongst the people that drink so that you don't have to be factored in there.

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_080036: 54:32

Okay. My third and final tip for you, if you are thinking about taking a group trip or if you have one planned in the works already find quiet moments. As mentioned, like a drawback for me is like sometimes in group settings, I feel overstimulated. Crowded environments like that, group chaos. So a way that I counter that is by finding mini getaways. Slip away when you need it. You don't have to explain yourself where you're going, you're sober when I'm saying you're sober, that has no context here. Thanks to our friend and her connections, we always were in VIP and I'm only referencing that not to brag, although I'm so happy when I'm in VIP always. But to show we had a home base, so I know where you guys are. Don't worry, I can always come home, but at least parties would basically be like, oh, I have to go to the bathroom, or, oh, I have to make a phone call. No, I don't. Maybe I don't. Maybe it's maybe lean. But either way, I needed to protect my peace and I needed to find a moment to like just slip away. And there's nothing wrong with that. Don't feel guilty for disappearing on purpose. Not permanently, but like for I don't know, 10, 15, 20 minutes. And I probably am not the only person that did that on the girls trip. So take quiet moments for yourself intentional moments for yourself so that you don't feel swallowed by the energy of a big group. In general, sober or not, you don't need permission to take a breather. Your piece is worth so much more than like your tendency to people. Please.

the-sober-butterfly_2_12-12-2025_080340: 56:07

So there you have it, A recap of my Art Basel Girls Trip Weekend in Miami, and also my Thanksgiving break, solo trip to El Salvador. If you're trying to figure out if you're more of a solo trip person or like a group trip person, I will end on this note. Sober travel. Is not about limitation. It really is about expansion, and whether I'm in a group setting or completely by myself, I can show up as the most grounded, confident version of myself, and that is just so beautiful. I feel very grateful for the clarity, the growing, and the choosing myself again and again. Thank you guys so much for tuning into this week's episode of The Sober Butterfly Podcast. New episodes debut every single Friday. We only have what, like three Fridays left, three or two. Three crazy. I think next week I'm going to drop my 2025 wrapped sober wrapped episode. Last year I did a 2024 sober dating wrapped episode. This year's just gonna be a sober wrapped episode because to be real with you guys, I don't have enough content to do a full episode on my dating life for 2025. Sad but true. Go reference my celebrancy and sobriety episode if you wanna understand more around why I don't have much, but the title pretty much says it all. I've been on dates, but just not enough to fill a full episode. So I'm going to include dating in my 2025 sober wrapped episode, as well as travel, as well as just like a breakdown of all the things that really defined and almost broke me this year. So I look forward to seeing you next Friday. You can always connect with me on Instagram at the period Sober Butterfly. I've been slowly but surely updating my channel with these episodes. Recently I uploaded Ash Meredith episode from last week. That episode is doing so well. So if you haven't had a chance to actually watch it, check it out on YouTube. I will also link that below in the show notes. Thank you guys. I love you guys. Remember, you do not need alcohol to live your best life. Love you and see you next week. Bye.