Another portal quandary strikes! The party helps Blizzbro with a problem he didn’t account for. Somebody calls the police, and somebody else calls for lights out.
Content warnings for this week’s episode include coarse language, suggestive language, and fantasy violence.
Find us on Instagram
Follow us on TikTok
Like us on Facebook
Follow us on Threads
Milo is Afra Child
Dungeon Master and Editing is Tyrone Cross
Fiero is Nathan Lee
Lin-Dare is Nick Fairleigh
Elixia is Liv Ryan
Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant
Rhiannon Davidson is our Community Manager
Lachlan Fardy is our Sound Designer
Amelia Nemet is our Transcriber
Theme song is “Belly of The Beast” by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas (@lilyharnath & @henrylucas5)
Email us at portalquandary@gmail.com
This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people and produced on the lands of the Anaiwan, Awabakal, Birpai, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past, present, and emerging leaders.
The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased) is intended or should be inferred.
Another portal quandary strikes! The party helps Blizzbro with a problem he didn’t account for. Somebody calls the police, and somebody else calls for lights out.
Content warnings for this week’s episode include coarse language, suggestive language, and fantasy violence.
Find us on Instagram
Follow us on TikTok
Like us on Facebook
Follow us on Threads
Milo is Afra Child
Dungeon Master and Editing is Tyrone Cross
Fiero is Nathan Lee
Lin-Dare is Nick Fairleigh
Elixia is Liv Ryan
Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant
Rhiannon Davidson is our Community Manager
Lachlan Fardy is our Sound Designer
Amelia Nemet is our Transcriber
Theme song is “Belly of The Beast” by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas (@lilyharnath & @henrylucas5)
Email us at portalquandary@gmail.com
This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people and produced on the lands of the Anaiwan, Awabakal, Birpai, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past, present, and emerging leaders.
The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased) is intended or should be inferred.
Nick/Lin-Dare : Portal Quandary features some content warnings which you can find in the episode descriptions.
Theme Song: *rock music plays*
Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Previously on Portal Quandary.
Afra/Milo: That’s why he’s floating. That guy is pointing the device at him
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Look I’m gonna head over to the convention after this. Are you going?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to cast a Firebolt at the helicopter? The camera man’s camera catches fire.
Nick/Lin-Dare: I’ve come to get Myki and concession.
Liv/Elixia: Lin-Dare is that you? I storm over to Fiero and Milo. “What did you do?”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The cops in the car kind of have the same sort of wings. Where’s the orrery? You see this fellow tinkering away at the orrery. And from across the room you’re going to see Lin-Dare, Elixia, Milo, some other figure, blip away.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And welcome to Portal Quandary, a Dungeons and Dragons podcast. I am Tyrone Cross, I am your Dungeon Master. Last week that we left you the party and the gang all got back together again, well, kind of, because Fiero quickly ran away with his new boyfriend, Blizzbro. They found the orrery in the end, but blipped away with their old fairy friend. So, we’re gonna go around the room. We’re gonna talk about what we’re excited for this week. We’re gonna start with Afra.
Afra/Milo: Hi, I’m Afra. I play Milo. He’s a dragonborn ranger, he’s a himbo, so there’s that, and he is excited to find this little fairy guy and beat him up for taking the orrery from him because he made him look stupid! That’s what he’s excited for!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s so tiny so I’m picturing like enormous…
Afra/Milo: He’s gonna just hold him up like, ‘AH!’
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Shake him down.
Afra/Milo: Yeah, he’s gonna shake him.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How about you over there, Liv?
Liv/Elixia: Hi, I’m Liv and I play Elixia, the half-elf rogue. She is too cool for school, she’s better than you, and funnily enough doesn’t have too many friends. This week, she is excited to find out answers. She wants to know what’s going on, when she can go home, and how much all this cool stuff that she’s lifted off people from this new world is gonna be worth when she gets home.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh my God, you’re gonna bring back the wallet or the licence and they’re gonna be like, uhh…
Liv/Elixia: I don’t know if it’ll be worth that much when we’ve literally got gold as a currency in our own world, but whatever, we’ll see how it goes.
Nick/Lin-Dare: It’s exotic currency.
Afra/Milo: It’s like exotic, it’s one of a kind. It’s actually a treasure.
Liv/Elixia: We’ll see!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They’re gonna just look at a piece of paper, like, ‘what the fuck?’ Nick, how about you?
Nick/Lin-Dare: So, I play the dragonborn, frost dragonborn mum paladin Lin-Dare who is the mother of 10 children and she is most excited to also talk to fairy man and get back because her son’s wedding! She cannot not attend her son’s wedding to the prince! So she’s very keen to go back.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She still hasn’t seen him for the wedding yet.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Yeah, ‘cause there was that thing in the city. So, obviously, she’s keen to go back, and she can’t not be there for her eighth son’s wedding.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Very curious if this is gonna be like a Narnia situation where you come back and nothing has changed, or if all the time that you spent in the real world has actually passed.
Afra/Milo: That would be bad.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Well, I guess we’ll find out because I’m the DM.
Afra/Milo: Oooh!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And how about you Nathan? What you excited for?
Nathan/Fiero: Hi, I’m Nathan. I play Fiero, your spicy fire wizard. I’m excited for going on another date with Blizzbro, potentially. Just building, just developing our Song of Fire and Ice.
Nick/Lin-Dare: What if he says no?
Nathan/Fiero: Well…
Liv/Elixia: Yeah, you have kinda put him through the ringer a bit, in the past…
Nick/Lin-Dare: What if he’s actually like ‘no’?
Nathan/Fiero: That’s where the best relationships are formed. In the belly of the battle.
Tyrone/ Dungeon Master: Where are you gonna take him on a date?
Nick/Lin-Dare: The Ice Bar in Federation Square.
Nathan/Fiero: Let’s go to the Ice Bar. Or we could go to maybe the hot spring and take our clothes off, with bathers on. We’ll keep our bathers on.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Ice Bar, where you wear many many layers, or the hot springs, where you wear minimal layers.
Afra/Milo: Choices.
Nathan/Fiero: Choices.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Choices. Alright, so back in the game.
*ambience*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What’s happened is Blizzbro and Fiero have walked into the marketplace, the Comic-Con, and across the room have seen this big purple blip as Milo, Elixia, Lin-dare and Tabasco, and fairy man blip away. And so, that gang, besides Blizzbro and Fiero, find themselves once again in their Doctor Who portal situation.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Are we gonna have the return of the song? Liv?
Liv/Elixia: *Doctor Who song imitation*
Afra/Milo: Wow.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s okay. I’ll insert cool portal effects here.
*portal ambience*
Afra/Milo: Thank you.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: But it’s a much shorter time that you’re through this portal before you find yourself standing on the other side of the room, standing next to Blizzbro and Fiero.
Liv/Elixia: Oh, well that was anticlimactic.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Everyone waited an entire month to find out what happened.
Afra/Milo: Oh my god.
Nathan/Fiero: That’s it?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And what’s gonna happen quickly is Blizzbro, you’re gonna see like a bolt of lighting come from the orrery to Blizzbro as he falls back in pain.
Liv/Elixia: Oh, get him!
Afra/Milo: Oh my god!
Nick/Lin-Dare: Lin-Dare will instantly rush to him and she’ll open her bag and she’ll be like, analyse him for any injuries.
Nathan/Fiero: This fairy man’s gonna pay.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll me a medicine roll I suppose.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Medicine roll? Oh dear.
*rolls die*
Nathan/Fiero: What kind of medicine?
Nick/Lin-Dare: It’s not too bad. That’s a 17.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He looks fine actually. Like, he got zapped but he gets up like,
Tyrone/Blizzbro: I don’t know what that was, but…
Nick/Lin-Dare:She’s gonna like check his arm, she’s gonna like press his forehead, pull open his eyes and be like, ‘are you good?’, check his teeth…
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: As you’re checking his teeth, you’re gonna pull out of his mouth and the breath that comes out is quite similar to your breath, Lin-dare, where when you breathe ice.
Afra/Milo: Ooh!
Nick/Lin-Dare: Are you a dragonborn too? She’s gonna do a little HAUH.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Like what are you doing? I’m fine.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Okay, just making sure.
Nathan/Fiero: Is it a frosty breath?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, It’s a frosty breath. It’s a cool mint frosty breath.
Liv/Elixia: This is how it feels to chew 5 Gum.
Nick/Lin-Dare: She’s gonna like pat him and be like if you need anything, I got you.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Then he’s gonna turn to fairy man, who’s still there in the corner, quickly grabbing the orrery.
Liv/Elixia: Tryna make a clean getaway, is he?
Afra/Milo: That’s my orrery! Give it back!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Blizzbro’s gonna like point at him like “who’s that guy” but from his finger is gonna come sorta like a cone of frost.
*frost sound*
Afra/Milo: Oh my god!
Nick/Lin-Dare: Did he just cast Cone of Cold. Or whatever it’s called.
Nathan/Fiero: I knew he was a wizard. I knew he had magic.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s gonna look back at his finger like, “what was that?”
Afra/Milo: Did he hit him? Did he hit the fairy man?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He did, actually.
Liv/Elixia: Did he get him?
Nathan/Fiero: Did he freeze the fairy man?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He didn’t freeze him, but you remember episode one where we had the nice morning dew frost over his wings.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Oh yeah, yeah
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Before the fairy man turns invisible and runs away.
Afra/Milo: Does he still have the orrery?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He does have the orrery.
Afra/Milo: No! I’m so mad.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Does the orrery - is the orrery invisible too?
Liv/Elixia: So we didn’t find out anything.
Afra/Milo: Okay!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s just gonna be like, “who was that?”
Liv/Elixia: Blizzbro, honestly we’re trying to figure out the exact same thing.
Could not tell you.
Afra/Milo: It’s a long story.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s gonna to Fiero and be like,
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Fiero what did you do to me? It was you, wasn’t it? With the scrolls!
Nathan/Fiero: I don’t know any ice magic!
Afra/Milo: Babe, no, don’t worry.
Nathan/Fiero: I, this is a good thing! You can do magic now! We can teach you magic. Lin-dare can teach you magic.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s gonna look to Lin-dare, eyes crying for help. “Please, help.”
Nick/Lin-Dare: She’s gonna hug him and be like, “It’s okay I got you. I’m gonna teach you. My daughter Sa-Ra? Best frost mage there is. She’ll teach you.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s gonna look back at you and sniffle, and be like
Tyrone/Blizzbro: You have kids?
Nick/Lin-Dare: I have 10 kids. Maybe I can introduce you to one.
Afra/Milo: Ooh, betrayal.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Let’s see how things with this guy first, maybe.
Nathan/Fiero: Ah, so we’re seeing how things go? We’re seeing how things go, we’ll start there.
Afra/Milo: That’s good in my books.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Every single breath this man takes is gonna come out with this little, like an exaggerated version of your breath on a cold winter’s morning.
Nick/Lin-Dare: She hasn’t put him down yet, just so you know. She’s keeping him off the ground in a hug but the frost breath doesn’t bother her.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re gonna hear a panic sob into your chest.
Afra/Milo: Aw.
Nick/Lin-Dare: You want a cookie?
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Yes.
Nick/Lin-Dare: I’ve got some cookies in my bag.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You have cookies?
Nick/Lin-Dare: She’s got everything in that bag.
Afra/Milo: You’ve always got snacks for us.
Nick/Lin-Dare: You want it? She got it.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: You guys wanna go back to my house and figure this out?
Afra/Milo: Yeah. Let’s go, buddy. Come on buddy.
Nick/Lin-Dare: She will give Blizzbro a cookie.
Afra/Milo: Let’s get you home.
Nick/Lin-Dare: But it’s probably not a cookie he’s ever had before.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Every time he goes to take a bite it’s gonna like
Nick/Lin-Dare: Freeze and then break off.
Afra/Milo: Oh no!
Tyrone/Blizzbro: You guys have a car?
Afra/Milo: What’s… what’s a car?
Tyrone/Blizzbro: You guys don’t drive?
Nick/Lin-Dare: Drive carriages.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Do you have a carriage?
Nick/Lin-Dare: No, that’s back at my farm. I think Su-Zanne borrowed it for the weekend so I don’t have it.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: You’re not from the city or rural?
Afra/Milo: Yeah we’re not from the city, let’s go with that.
Nathan/Fiero: Can we just call a carriage?
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Um, I guess we can just get the a tram? You guys have your Mykis on you?
Nick/Lin-Dare: *GASP* “I do!” She’s gonna hold it up. Enchantment cards, right! You have one too?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s gonna like pull out his Myki and be like:
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Yeah, I do.
Nick/Lin-Dare: See, you are magic! Even before the ice spells.
Tyrone/Blizzbro:What, it’s just like microchip technology.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Microchip, that’s a new type…
Afra/Milo: She’s just writing it down.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Yeah she’s like, I gotta tell Su-Zanne.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: I guess we can fare evade. We can just get on, you guys don’t need to tap on, I guess it’s fine.
Afra/Milo: Yeah who’s gonna question us, man?
Nick/Lin-Dare: Oh yeah, she’s still in armour and carrying a mace around.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So he’s gonna take you across the road into one of these… It's similar to the train you got on before, Lin-Dare. It’s sorta like that, he takes you to one of those.
Nick/Lin-Dare: It’s a baby metal beast. There were mind flayer parasites on the last one.
Afra/Milo: Okay, we better be careful.
Nathan/Fiero: Mind flayers?
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Was someone dressed up as a mind flayer and I didn’t see it at Comic-Con?
Nick/Lin-Dare: No, they were in her ears. I squished them.
Afra/Milo: That’s scary.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Sad I missed that cosplay.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Everyone cover you ears please!
Afra/Milo: Milo walks in like *sobbing*
*ding ding*
*tram ambience*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Now that you’re on a tram now. There are lots of people around, holding onto handles from the roof. Some of them are looking at these little black box devices that you’ve sorta seen around.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Are we getting, like, stares? I suppose the Comicons on.
Afra/Milo: Well, we’re coming from Comic-Con so…
Nick/Lin-Dare: True, true.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Everyone’s kinda looking at how sick your costumes are, so that’s about it.
Afra/Milo: We do look pretty awesome, so…
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Actually a lady’s gonna come up to Milo like probably a 12 year old human girl. She’s gonna be like,
Tyrone/Girl: Excuse me?
Nick/Lin-Dare: She reached Milo’s knee. She’s just like so tiny.
Tyrone/Girl: She’s 12. She’s not that small.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Yeah but Milo’s tall!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s like,
Tyrone/Girl: What’s your costume?
Afra/Milo: My costume?
Tyrone/Girl: What TV show is it from?
Afra/Milo: “Um not a clue what you’re talking about little girl but thank you!” And he pats her on the head.
Tyrone/Girl: I’m dressed up as Elsa!
Afra/Milo: Cool! She seems awesome! Looking good!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Blizzbro’s actually gonna put a little mask over his face. You’ve got masks in fantasy land but yeah he’s putting one on, like:
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Do you guys have your masks?
Afra/Milo: No
Liv/Elixia: I mean, Elixia does. She’s got a little fabric one that she can just pull up over her cheeks.
Nathan/Fiero: No
Nick/Lin-Dare: Paladin’s don’t wear masks. I wear a helmet.
Afra/Milo: I only wear it if it’s dusty or sandy.
Nathan/Fiero: I’m just going to bury my face in my spell book and just hold it up.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: It should be fine. Hopefully no-one checks.
Afra/Milo: Damn, I hope we don’t get Covid.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Milo doesn’t know what Covid is.
Afra/Milo: I’m saying that. Milo’s just confused.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Yeah, Covid’s not too bad lately so it should be fine.
Nick/Lin-Dare: She’ll be like, “I heard about that beast. I asked the lady and I told her I’d slay it for her”
Afra/Milo: Are you a nurse or?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is there anything you guys want to talk about on the tram ride specifically?
Afra/Milo: I think mainly Milo’s just covering his ears on the look-out for mind flayers like “Oh god, oh god”
Nick/Lin-Dare: Yeah Lin-Dare will keep her eyes peeled for any more airpods and I guess she’ll see if she can remember what Sa-Rah knows about ice magic she’s going to start being like, “Okay, step one for ice magic is this. Step 2 for ice magic is make sure you do this”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: If you look down at his hands, his hands are covered in a thin sheet of ice as well. He’s trying to hide it.
Afra/Milo: My god. It’s Jack Frost!
Nathan/Fiero: I grab his hand and heat it up. Like “Oh, your hands look cold. Let me help warm them up for you”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think he’s going to pull them away. He’s kind of like:
*gasps*
Liv/Elixia: Oh no!
Tyrone/Blizzbro: What did you do to me?
Nathan/Fiero: Okay. That hurts.
Liv/Elixia: Wait so he’s this concerned about it, but he’s still inviting this group of strangers back to his home?
Nathan/Fiero: Yeah, right?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s demanding answers.
Nathan/Fiero: He was pretty shy when he was asking us.
Liv/Elixia: Okay I understand..
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Because you guys are seeking out the fairy guy even when you don’t trust him.
Nathan/Fiero: That’s going to hurt.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s just thinking back to the time you did the little snowflakes, and the time that the Firebolt happened at the camera and he’s like:
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Liv/Elixia: Oh it’s all coming together.
Afra/Milo: Oh my god.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s getting ‘Nam flashbacks.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Fiero.
Nathan/Fiero: Yes Blizzbro?
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Are you a wizard?
Nathan/Fiero: I already told you I was a wizard.
Liv/Elixia: What haven’t you been getting?
Nathan/Fiero: Yeah, I told you -
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Yeah, but are you a WIZARD.
Nathan/Fiero: Yeah, well I’m a wizard. I’m a wizard Blizzbro.
Afra/Milo: I’m a wizard.
Liv/Elixia: You’re a wizard Harry.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s stunned. His jaw is on the floor.
Liv/Elixia: Is there still snowflakes coming out of it?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes. Before he quickly realises and covers it up. Alright the tram is going to stop and the doors are going to open.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Alright this is my stop. Come on.
Afra/Milo: Okay, I’m going to stomp off the tram.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: If you recall back in episode one when things were falling from the sky and there was this giant building falling from the sky. He’s going to stop at one of those. Obviously one that hasn’t crashed into a temple. But is standing upright.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Is that a clocktower? No? What was it? Like a skyscraper?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A skyscraper yeah. A tall, thin building that’s covered in glass.
Nathan/Fiero: I still hate them. Hate them. Why are we here?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You hate them?
Afra/Milo: Yeah. I’m going to be like, “Uh! That thing tried to attack us! That beast!”
Nathan/Fiero: That thing ruined my home.
tyrone/Blizzbro: My house?
Afra/Milo: This is your house? Hmmm
Nick/Lin-Dare: Lin-Dare’s gonna check behind him for wings. Just in case you were a fairy person.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll Investigation if you want.
Nick/Lin-Dare: No. No. She won’t investigate him thoroughly. She investigated him thoroughly before. He’s fine.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to open it up into the lobby area. He’s going to tap a sort of card that he’s got.
Nick/Lin-Dare: *Gasp* Is that a Myki card?
tyrone/Blizzbro: Oh no, this is just the keypass into my building.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Keypass? Is that like second level? Is that like next level Myki?
Liv/Elixia: Wait. Does he still have his wallet?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No. He keeps this on a keychain. But he does not have a wallet.
Liv/Elixia: Okay
Afra/Milo: Like, ‘Umm, I’m pretty sure-’
Liv/Elixia: I’m pretty I stole that. Where did he get his Myki from?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: he keeps it in his phone case. I’m trying to think of good reasons why he can still use this shit so I don’t have to backtrack.
Nick/Lin-Dare: This is where you live?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to step into this tiny room. It looks like a broom closet to you.
Nathan/Fiero: That’s because they’re like five feet tall.
Afra/Milo: Not very roomy. Where’s your bed?
Nick/Lin-Dare: Oh it’s a teleporter. Do you have mages that work in this building?
Tyrone/blizzbro: It’s the elevator. Everyone come in so that we can go up.
Afra/Milo: This box takes us up?
Nathan/Fiero: A teleporting box? Maybe like a portkey.
Nick/Lin-Dare: My daughter has a job as a teleporter.
Tyrone/blizzbro: Yeah actually, one of the other LARP guys lives on the fifth floor. Oh, what’s your daughter’s name?
Nick/Lin-Dare: Oh, that’s Jess-E. Professional teleporter.
Tyrone/blizzbro: Jess-E… Yeah we don’t use much teleporting magic in our game because it’s really hard to try and implement it.
Nick/Lin-Dare: It is a very difficult profession. I understand.
Tyrone/blizzbro: The game mechanics are hard.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Everyone’s in?
Afra/Milo: Yes.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to press a little button on the side of the room and the door’s going to close. You sort of get the sensation that you’re moving upwards.
*elevator ding*
Afra/Milo: This is weird.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And he’s going to be like:
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Fuck it’s a shame that I didn’t get my wallet. Guess I have to cancel my cards.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Disenchanting your magic cards?
Afra/Milo: More cards?
Nathan/Fiero: It’s such a waste of magical enchantment.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to pull out his phone and be like:
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Yeah, maybe I’ll… Yeah I just cancelled my credit card now.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’ll show you a screen on his black box.
Nick/Lin-Dare: I’ve seen those before.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: There you go. Cancelled.
Afra/Milo: What is this thing?
Tyrone/Blizzbro: My phone?
Afra/Milo: Yeah, Milo is going to try and grab it. He’s like, “What is this?
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Oh it's a Google Pixel.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Google…
Liv/Elixia: He’s using a Google Pixel?
Nick/Lin-Dare: I think I’ve fought a monster called Google before.
Afra/Milo: Is this it’s baby?
Tyrone/Blizzbro: I know people have a lot of strong opinions about Google. Some people like iPhones better.
Nick/Lin-Dare: It’s a tyrant. That Google thing destroyed my farm, killed all my pumpkins. Six heads, five legs, and oh my god the teeth.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Did it?
Liv/Elixia: And was it red, green, yellow, blue?
Tyrone/Blizzbro: I don’t know what you’re talking about Lin-Dare.
Afra/Milo: And was there a man called Mark Zuckerburg riding…? Mark Zuckerburg!? That’s Facebook.
liv/Elixia: What did he do with Google!?
Afra/Milo: He’s just also in that sphere
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Who made Google? Like who’s on the team?
Afra/Milo: I don’t know.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I don’t think there’s any notable names.
Afra/Milo: I feel like Mark Zuckerburg would be a monster.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: I don’t know what you’re talking about sorry Lin-Dare. I think we’re talking about different things.
Nick/Lin-Dare: I think so. I know a Google when I see one.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The broom closet is going to ding and the doors are going to open again, and there’s a new room outside.
*elevator ding*
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Yeah usually there’s elevator music, but I don’t know why it wasn’t working.
Afra/Milo: That would have been fun.
Liv/Elixia: They got music on this thing? Where’s the band?
Afra/Milo: Is it a fairy band?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to lead you down to a door down the corridor.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Okay this is my room.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to open it up. It’s pretty cute. He’s on the twenty-fifth floor I guess.
Liv/Elixia: Living lavishly
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s got a big, massive window at the end and you can see a nice view, a nice aerial view of the city from here.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: You guys want water?
Afra/Milo: Yes
Tyrone/Blizzbro: I think you might have to get it yourself because I will freeze it if I try and get it.
Afra/Milo: Okay. Anyone else want water? Water? Water?
Liv/Elixia: Yes
Afra/Milo: Milo goes into the kitchen and is like, “Where is the water?”
Liv/Elixia: Where is the well?
Afra/Milo: Where is your well?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to see a shallow well-shaped thing in the bench.
Afra/Milo: Oh this must be it. But there’s no water in there.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Oh the tap. You just gotta pull the side of it.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Water will just start to stream out.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Do you have a trapped water elemental in your well? Did you enter some kind of pact with it and it just provides you with water?
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Guys I’m going to be real right now. Either you’re realllllly into this whole LARP thing. I thought it was just Fiero. Something sus is going on. Especially now that I’ve got this weird ice shit going on.
Nick/Lin-Dare: So I didn’t hear a no about the water elemental.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Milo’s going to get us all some water and you’re going to sit down. And you’re going to tell me what the fuck is going on.
Afra/Milo: Milo just fills up his flask and is like, “Anyone? Anyone? Some water?”
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Glasses are in the cupboard.
Liv/Elixia: Yeah Elixia is just going to stand up and do it herself. She’s like, “I don’t trust Milo’s flask”.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: You don’t trust his flask?
Liv/Elixia: Who knows what’s been in that thing? Who knows what’s been in there? Not to mention his dragon slobber all over it.
Afra/Milo: Wowwww.
Nathan/Fiero: Did you just out her as a dragon?
Liv/Elixia: No, that’w what I’m thinking internally. I’m not saying that. I’m just saying.
Nathan/Fiero: Ah okay. I’ll have some of your dragon water in that flask of yours.
Afra/Milo: Alright here you go.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s just going to look at each of you and stop on Lin-Dare.
tyrone/Blizzbro: You’re the most reasonable one here.
Liv/Elixia: Okay that is just not true.
Nathan/Fiero: She should have stopped at two kids. But ten kids? In this gold economy.
Afra/Milo: You stole his wallet.
Liv/Elixia: Yeah but that was reasonable.
tyrone/Blizzbro: Tell me what is happening.
Nick/Lin-Dare: She’s going to get him to sit down. “I need you to remain calm”. Okay she’s going to grab his hands. “It’s a lot to process. You just need to calm down and listen to me. You take deep breaths. Okay. I’m a dragonborn”. She’s going to point at Milo. “He’s a dragonborn”.
Afra/Milo: Hey
Nick/Lin-Dare: She’s going to point and Fiero and Elixia. “Elves. Okay. You got it?”
Liv/Elixia: HALF-elf. It’s a half-elf. It’s very, very different.
Nathan/Fiero: Speak for yours-ELF. Sun-elf. Speak for yourself
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Like D&D?
Nick/Lin-Dare: Umm…Yeah. We got teleported here.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: How?
Liv/Elixia: So there was this guy.
Nathan/Fiero: The one that you saw.
Liv/Elixia: And he had this machine contraption thing. And somehow through no fault of mine did we end up here, and now we’re trying to figure out how to get back to where we’re from.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to see this panic slowly come across him. You’re going to see as that’s happening ice is coming out of his feet and it’s slowly spreading across the carpet.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Remember. Deep breaths. Centre your body heat. Focus on your core.
*Blizzbro breathing heavily*
Liv/Elixia: Someone needs to slap him.
Afra/Milo: Milo throws his water on his face. “Wake up man”
*ice freezing sound*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to see that instantly freeze. Now there’s just ice coming out of his chest.
Afra/Milo: Oh. Sorry. I forgot.
tyrone/Blizzbro: It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s fine. Fiero?
Nathan/Fiero: Mmm?
tyrone/Blizzbro: Can you actually do fire magic?
Nathan/Fiero: Yeah! I can do some right now.
tyrone/Blizzbro: Can you please melt the icicle off me if you can?
Nathan/Fiero: I’ll try Flaming Hands.
Tyrone/Dungeon MAster: Oh yeah?
Nathan/Fiero: And I’m just going to rub my warm hands on him. Do a very weak version of it. non-lethal.
Tyrone/Dungeon MAster: I’ll let that happen automatically without anything else happening. You can see that there’s still a thin sheet of ice covering his body glistening a bit.
Nathan/Fiero: I’m rubbing him right? I’m rubbing him?
Tyrone/Dungeon MAster: You’re just rubbing his chest.
Afra/Milo: Let me check out your chest.
tyrone/Blizzbro: That’s enough. You can stop touching me now.
Nathan/Fiero: Okay, I will.
tyrone/Blizzbro: So the guy that we saw we have to get?
nick/Lin-Dare: We have to get his machine. To get us back.
tyrone/Blizzbro: Do you know how to use it?
nick/Lin-Dare: No.
tyrone/Blizzbro: Do know who he is?
Liv/Elixia: No.
tyrone/Blizzbro: Do you know why?
liv/Elixia: Once again, that would be a no.
tyrone/Blizzbro: Alright umm… Alright umm… Alright umm…
Afra/Milo: Okay, okay, okay. Cool, cool, cool.
Nick/Lin-Dare: See I told you it was a lot to process. You’ve got to practice those exercises.
tyrone/Blizzbro: So I’m going to see if I can control this because I can;t go out in public like this. I keep freezing shit. So up on level thirty there’s a rooftop pool. I figured I could try and work my magic up there maybe.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Okay
Afra/Milo: Sounds good.
tyrone/Blizzbro: Do you guys want to go to the pool? I can make cocktails. Do you guys like cocktails?
Nick/Lin-Dare: Do they have cocktails in the realm. Like fancy drinks?
Afra/Milo: Yeah I love cocktails. Do you have the little umbrellas?
Nathan/Fiero: Are we panicking about your magic skills or we planning a party to celebrate your new magic skills or?
tyrone/Blizzbro: I’m just trying to remain very calm so I don’t freak the fuck out.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Can I give him another cookie?
Afra/Milo: He needs to drink to calm down.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes, but it’s going to keep freezing every time he takes a bite. He’s going to grab some glasses and a bottle of vodka and walk out the door like “Let’s go”.
Liv/Elixia: Oh smart, because vodka doesn’t freeze. Vodka doesn’t freeze!
Afra/Milo: What kind of cocktails are these?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Well he can’t grab anything else.
tyrone/Blizzbro: Someone grab some juice from the fridge.
Afra/Milo: I don’t know what the fridge is! Stop saying things I don’t understand!
tyrone/Blizzbro: The white box thing in the kitchen.
Afra/Milo: Okay he’s going to open it and be like “Woah!” Grabs the juice and then a bunch of snacks as well like, “Okay! Hell yeah!”
Liv/Elixia: Guys there’s free food in here!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What sort of snacks have you got?
Nick/Lin-Dare: Probably nothing we’ve heard of.
Afra/Milo: I’m just grabbing whatever I see.
Nathan/Fiero: I see a bottle that says Fireball. I’m going to grab one of those. Sounds good to me.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re grabbing the bottle that says Fireball?
Afra/Milo: Like, oh let’s turn up!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Like I don’t know what this alcohol is but I’m here for it. He’s heading back to the broom closet if you’re following.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Oh yeah. She’s going to be like, “Can I try my enchantment card?” She’s going to hold her Myki up to the door and expect it to do something.
*fail noise*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s not going to do anything.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Maybe it’s like…But she charged it for me. Do you know why it doesn’t work?
Tyrone/Blizzbro: That’s the wrong card. It’s not a keypass, it’s a Myki.
Nick/Lin-Dare: She’s going to pull out the taxi business card that she got and be like, “This one?”
Tyrone/Blizzbro: That’s just a business card. That’s not even a-
Liv/Elixia: Elixia’s going to pull out his wallet and be like, “Do any of these work?”
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Wait a minute! That’s my wallet!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to snatch it off you.
Liv/Elixia: She’s going to be like “Eh, whatever. Couldn’t figure out how to use any of it anyway”.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: I just cancelled these cards!
Nick/Lin-Dare: Oh yeah he did!
Afra/Milo: God damn it! It’s the worst day ever.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: I still have Google Pay so it’s fine.
Nick/Lin-Dare: She’ll be like “Why don’t these one’s work? She told me they open doors, open the gates.”
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Just to train stations. You need my keypass to get into my house.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Keypass IS a higher level magic!
Tyrone/Blizzbro: I really do have to teach you guys what to do hey?
Afra/Milo: Yes you do.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Alright, everyone in. This is called an elevator.
Afra/Milo: You told us that already! We’re not idiots! Now where’s the fairy band you promised me?
Tyrone/Blizzbro: There’s a speaker in the roof.
Afra/Milo: Is the name of the band?
Natha/Fiero: A Speaker of Truth?
Afra/Milo: The Speaker?
Tyrone/Blizzbro: No it’s prerecorded. Yeah?
Afra/Milo: Oh. cool. I’ll just accept that.
Natha/Fiero: Can I drink this Fireball already?
Nick/Lin-Dare: She’s going to be like “What do the numbers mean?”
Tyrone/Blizzbro: That’s the level that we’re going to. So I was on level twenty-five.
Nick/Lin-Dare: So you press that and it tells the teleporter wizard where to send you?
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Well it’s not a teleporter. It’s like mechanical.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I feel like technically you’d have elevators in fantasy land, but they’re just the ones that-
Afra/Milo: You think so?
Nick/Lin-Dare: Like pulley elevators.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Think of like Game of Thrones on The Wall
Afra/Milo: Yeah but you don’t just press a button and it goes.
nathan/FIero: No, there’s probably like magically enchanted ones that just lift you up. Platforms that just rise and fall.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Professional teleporters.
nathan/FIero: Yeah that too.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: True. Yeah that’s a whole job. For long distances.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Yeah so then I press number thirty and it’s taking us to level thirty.
Nick/Lin-Dare: So if I press level one?
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Don’t press level one.
Nick/Lin-Dare: She’s going to press level one.
*elevator ding*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s going to slowly go down and take you back into the lobby and you’re back where you started.
Nick/Lin-Dare: So if I press level five? She’s going to press level five now.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nothing works because he doesn’t have access to that level.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Key, key, key, whatever it’s called. Keypass! Keypass take us to level five!
Afra/Milo: Key! Key!
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Yeah I’ve only got level one, level twenty-five, and level thirty because everything else is everyone else’s house.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Everyone has individual keypass magic?
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Yeah so they can’t get into my house.
Nick/Lin-Dare: I need to hook up my house with keypass.
Nathan/Fiero: Has anyone seen my cat?
*meow*
Afra/Milo: He’s in my satchel. He went to sleep in there.
Nathan/Fiero: Oh my god, Tabasco!
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Tabasco’s just woken up from a nap in Milo’s bag.
Afra/Milo: Look.
Nathan/Fiero: Aww. I want my cat back.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to jump up on you. Nuzzle up next to you. Purr purr.
Liv/Elixia: You want a purr sound?
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.
*Liv does an incredible purr sound*
*elevator ding*
tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s pretty good. Eventually you’ve made it to level thirty. It’s going to open up to a rooftop. So there’s no roof here. There’s a big open pool. It’s got a nice view of the city. It’s sunset at the moment. Some nice chairs to lay back on.
Nathan/Fiero: Can I live where he lives?
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Fictional skyscraper in the city somewhere?
Liv/Elixia: Yeah what does this guy do for a job? How is he affording this? “Sir, what do you do exactly?”
Nathan/Fiero: What do you do for a job? How are you affording this?
Nick/Lin-Dare: What do you do successfully?
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Play Blizzbro in LARP.
Afra/Milo: That’s his job!?
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Oh no.
Nathan/Fiero: Quickly now.
Afra/Milo: He’s an accountant.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Yeah I’m an accountant.
Liv/Elixia: And is that a well paying job in this world?
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Yeah. Is it not in… Where are you guys from?
nick/Lin-Dare: Phoenaxis.
Liv/Elixia: Depends on who you ask really.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: You’re from Phoenaxis? That’s a sick name.
Afra/Milo: It’s pretty cool.
nick/Lin-Dare: Yeah. I don’t remember the city name though. Because Lin-Dare doesn’t actually live in that city.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Aubade.
Liv/Elixia: Elixia’s going to say something like, “My home is the streets. They raised me without my mother and father”
Afra/Milo: Ugh, here she goes again.
Liv/Elixia: I have no real home. Only the wind and the cold and the loneliness in my heart.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: Girl are you good?
Liv/Elixia: I’m fine.
Nathan/Fiero: Exactly what someone who’s not fine would say.
Afra/Milo: Let’s go party guys.
Tyrone/Dungeon MAster: He’s going to pass the vodka to Milo and he’s just going to walk towards the pool, and he’s going to make footsteps on the pool and walk on the water.
*walking on ice sound*
Afra/Milo: Looking good!
Nick/Lin-Dare: See.
Nathan/Fiero: Can he walk on water?
Afra/Milo: Yeah he’s freezing the water. He’s doing an Elsa. No, he’s Jesus.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to cross his arms and be like:
tyrone/blizzbro: So was that guy actually flying?
Afra/Milo: I guess, yeah. What else did you think he was doing?
Nick/Lin-Dare: Oh yeah.
tyrone/blizzbro: What happened to him? I wonder where he is now.
Afra/Milo: Who’s to say. Is he still up there?
tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to look over the railing like, “Can I see him?”
tyrone/blizzbro: Do you think what’s happening to me happened to him?
Liv/Elixia: I mean, I wouldn’t rule it out as a possibility.
Nathan/Fiero: He seems like too much of a dick to… He knows what’s happening.
Afra/Milo: What is this fairy guy’s plan?
Nathan/Fiero: Yeah, well he’s got the orrery so he knows that it’s important.
Afra/Milo: Is he doing this on purpose though?
Liv/Elixia: Feels like it.
tyrone/blizzbro: You reckon he’s malicious?
Nathan/Fiero: He’s using it on purpose, but I think it’s…
Afra/Milo: Yeah he sent us here, so.
tyrone/blizzbro: Are fairies common where you guys are from?
Nick/Lin-Dare: I’ve never seen one until then.
Liv/Elixia: They’re common enough. Depends on where you go though.
Nathan/Fiero: The places I go to they’re around.
Afra/Milo: I’ve never seen one that looks like him.
tyrone/blizzbro: No?
Liv/Elixia: There’s quite a few in Elvish communities I guess. I wouldn’t know because I don’t go to Elvish communities but I guess. Like from what I’ve heard.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sounds like you actually go but you don’t want to admit that you have connections to your Elvish roots.
Liv/Elixia: Well yeah.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to hear a ding from the elevator like when it stops for you, and it’s going to open up and there’s going to be… Actually, roll me wisdom save everyone.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Oh god.
*dice rolling*
Nick/Lin-Dare: Ooo that’s a good roll. I got a twenty-three.
*dice rolling*
Afra/Milo: Uh fifteen.
Liv/Elixia: I got nine
Nathan/Fiero: Mine is eighteen plus four. Twenty-two
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Everyone but Elixia I guess. I guess Elixia’s still internally monologuing.
Liv/Elixia: Yeah! Hahaha. About the depths of her despair.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Everybody else, there’s going to be a nice, old lady who’s leading these other two.
tyrone/Old Lady: Dave. These two lovely people are here to see you. You weren’t at home so I took them up to the rooftop. I hope that’s okay.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: And behind them…
Liv/Elixia: Wait, his name isn’t Blizzbro?
Nathan/Fiero: Dave? Who’s Dave?
Nick/Lin-Dare: That’s his name!
Afra/Milo: Yeah who the hell’s Dave?
Nathan/Fiero: Oh! *laughter* Dave! Who’s Dave?
tyrone/Dungeon Master: It seems you guys forgot his name was Dave.
Afra/Milo: Yeah. Well I assume you meant Blizzbro.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, and behind him is going to be… They’re out of uniform now but they’re definitely those two police officers that you saw before.
Nick/Lin-Dare: The fairy people!
Afra/Milo: Argh! Oh no!
tyrone/Dungeon Master: They’re going to step out of the elevator and the old lady is going to go back down. Blizzbro’s going to be like:
Afra/Milo: She rat us out!
tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s just my landlady. Who are these guys?
Nathan/Fiero: Do we notice them? Do we notice that they’re the fairy…
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, you recognise that they’re the same cops that were there before.
Liv/Elixia: Well I don’t because I’m still staring out at the balcony and thinking about my life.
tyrone/Blizzbro: Sorry, do I know you guys?
tyrone/Dungeon Master: They’re going to pull out some badges actually. One’s going to introduce themselves.
tyrone/Jack: I’m Agent Jack.
tyrone/Khione: Yeah, I’m Agent Khione. I’m going to have to ask that you come with me.
tyrone/Blizzbro: Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah. What?
Afra/Milo: What are the charges?
Liv/Elixia: *laughter* Enjoy a succulent Chinese meal.
Nathan/Fiero: You better have a warrant for this.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Everyone’s a lawyer suddenly.
Nathan/Fiero: We know who you are. You were the two policemen that we saw on the streets.
tyrone/Jack: Yeah. Yup Agent Jack.
Afra/Milo: Well that’s why they’re arresting us.
Liv/Elixia: There’s nothing fishy about that, they’re doing their jobs.
Nathan/Fiero: No, wait! I’m not going with you. They’ve got you two though. I think we should run away.
Afra/Milo: Where are we going to go on the rooftop?
Nathan/Fiero: Dragons can fly, can they?
Afra/Milo: We don’t have wings! If you haven’t noticed.
Nathan/Fiero: You don’t have wings?
Nick/Lin-Dare: No! Dragonborn don;t have wings, and we wouldn’t have wings anyway in this…
Afra/Milo: They stole my horns!
tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to see Agent Jack as he’s going to build up this ball of frost energy in his hand.
Afra/Milo: Oh Christ. Frost energy? Ooo.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Frost energy.
Liv/Elixia: Have I noticed something now?
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.
Liv/Elixia: Okay! I’m going to pull out my rapier and be like “Alright, what the fuck?”
Afra/Milo: Yeah, I’m pulling out my bow.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: And they’re going to launch a ice ball
Nick/Lin-Dare: Can I do a reflex or something to block it with my shield?
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah reflex save, like a dexterity save.
*dice roll*
Nick/Lin-Dare: Dexterity. That’s a seventeen.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: You block it with your shield.
Afra/Milo: Yes!
Nick/Lin-Dare: She’s going to jump in front of everyone and be like *explosion noise*. Because frost damage doesn’t really do anything to her so…
Afra/Milo: She’s a queen.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yaas. Alright everybody roll initiative.
*dice rolling*
Nick/Lin-Dare: Combat! I got nineteen.
Liv/Elixia: I got seventeen
Nathan/Fiero: Seventeen. It’s a plus zero.
Afra/Milo: I got five!
Liv/Elixia: You got five?
Afra/Milo: Yes I did. I rolled a four.
Nathan/Fiero: Seventeen plus zero.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright, everyone’s average is above theirs, so it’s fine. Just a recap on the combat rules because we’re sort of homebrewing it a little bit. Basically everybody, you get one movement, one action which is usually an attack depending on what you want to do, and a bonus action, which is something quick. You can do that in any order you like but you only get one. So say Nick could move then Afra could do her main action, then Liv could have a bonus action, and you all only get one each. And you guys get to go first because you rolled higher. That being said, Lin-Dare’s just block the ice ball and…
Afra/Milo: Are they both coming at us or is it just Jack?
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Both of them. Would anyone like to attack? Anyone want to retaliate?
Liv/Elixia: Can I throw some knives at them, out of my pouch?
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah sure, roll a dexterity attack roll.
*dice rolling*
Liv/Elixia: I rolled a twenty.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: A nat twenty!?
Liv/Elixia: Yeah.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Holy shit. Alright. Fuck. What’s the damage they do?
Nick/Lin-Dare: That’s pretty cool.
Liv/Elixia: What? My knives? I don’t know.
Nick/Lin-Dare: If it’s a dagger it’s 1d4. It’s a dagger?
Liv/Elixia: I’m assuming so.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.
Nick/Lin-Dare: 1d4.
Nathan/Fiero: Throw the rapier at her. Throw the rapier.
Liv/Elixia: I’m not throwing my rapier.
Nathan/Fiero: You can jump and pull it from their body as well. Ninja style.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah so roll 1d4.
*dice rolling*
Liv/Elixia: I got two.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: So because you got a natural twenty we’re doubling that, so you dealt four points of damage to Agent Jack were you throwing it at?
Liv/Elixia: Yep.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Beautiful. Yep, he’s gonna take them… Where do you want to hit, because you got a twenty?
Liv/Elixia: In the chest.
Nathan/Fiero: In the eyes!
Liv/Elixia: No in the chest, I’m going for a killing blow. But actually, no I’m not going for a killing blow. I’m aiming in the chest. I want to aim not at the heart but possibly in a place where I know it will take him down so he’s easily able to be apprehended.
Afra/Milo: I want to question these guys. In the shoulder?
tyrone/Dungeon Master: So like the opposite side of the chest?
Afra/Milo: Yeah, on the right side.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: What side is the heart on?
Nathan/Fiero: No like the stomach, they’ll be gutted, but they could still talk.
Afra/Milo: The heart? What side is it on? The left.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: So going for the right?
Liv/Elixia: Go for the stomach.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Go for the stomach? You’ve just got him in the stomach and he takes a wince back. Yeah, he’s dropped to one knee.
Afra/Milo: I will get my longbow and try and shoot… I forget the other one’s name.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Khione.
Afra/Milo: Yeah I try and shoot him in the legs. Take him down!
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Khione is a lady by the way.
Afra/Milo: Oh sorry. Try and shoot her in the legs.
Nick/Lin-Dare: I’m getting Hazel and Cha Cha vibes from Umbrella Academy.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah that’s what I’ve got in my head. Alright shoot. Do a dexterity attack roll.
*dice rolling*
Afra/Milo: Nine.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nine? It’s going to shoot past and it’s going to hit the elevator door.
Afra/Milo: Dammit. The old lady?
tyrone/Dungeon Master: *laughter* No, she’s in the elevator. She’s gone. They waited until the elevator closed before they attacked.
Afra/Milo: Anyone else want to try?
Liv/Elxia: Hey I did my job.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Sure Lin-Dare will try. She’ll probably try and hit one of them with her flail but non-lethal so the worst thing it could do is knock them out. So she can incapacitate at least one of them.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright. Which one?
Nick/Lin-Dare: Umm, Jack’s already on his knees right? Let’s go and try and hit him.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, roll for a melee, strength attack roll.
*dice rolling*
Nick/Lin-Dare: Twenty.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Natural twenty!? Are you guys okay? Roll for damage.
Afra/Milo: No.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Twenty! Oh, he’s going to get bonked.
*dice rolling*
Nick/Lin-Dare: I got max damage.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: How much?
Nick/Lin-Dare: The flail does 1d8 plus six.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: So sixteen plus six, so twenty-two damage.
Afra/Milo: Ouch.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Twenty-two damage.
Nathan/Fiero How is that non-lethal? Just kill one of them. Wait, we only need one of them to be alive. We only need one of them to be alive. Bye Jack.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Was that Jack or Khione?
Nick/Lin-Dare: Jack.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Where are you going to hit him with your twenty?
Nick/Lin-Dare: Maybe just in the side.
Afra/Milo: In the legs.
Nathan/Fiero No, it doesn’t matter with a flail that big.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s got a knife in the stomach and now he’s been hit in the side.
Liv/Elixia: Hell yeah
Nathan/Fiero: Come on, he’s dead.
Afra/Milo: He’s dead.
Liv/Elixia: No, we wanted to question him!
Nathan/Fiero: We can question the lady! We can question the lady.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s been hit, he’s got spikes in his side and he is passed out from the pain. He is passed out.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Can she turn to Khione and be like, “Look, I’m sorry about your friend”.
Afra/Milo: Oof. Look what we’ve done.
Nathan/Fiero: They attacked you.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Do you want to stop what you’re doing.? We don’t have to have any violence.
Liv/Elixia: We just killed a man.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to hark up a spit and spit to the side.
tyrone/Khione: He was weak.
Nathan/Fiero: See, don’t be nice to them Lin-Dare.
Nick/Lin-Dare: That’ll change her demeanour. She’ll be like ‘right!’.
Nathan/Fiero: I’m going to move behind Milo. I have seven HP and twelve AC.
Liv/Elixia: I’m going to see if I can move towards the lady with my rapier out.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright, I think Nick hasn’t moved yet.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Well she’s right in front of them. She’ll be all happy and then and when she spits she’ll inhale and be like, “Okay!”
Afra/Milo: I’m just going to shield my guy behind me.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re just going to shield Fiero?
Nathan/Fiero: Can I do a bonus action?
tyrone/Dungeon Master: You wanna do a bonus action?
Nathan/Fiero: Yeah, I’m going to dismiss Tabasco. As I tell him to just run and hide.
Afra/Milo: Bye Tabasco.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, because he’s not a fire elemental anymore.
Nathan/Fiero: He’s not, he’s just like a normal cat. But like, “Go hide, go hide, go hide”
Afra/Milo: Run, run. Save yourself.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Tabasco’s going to run and hide under a deck chair.
Liv/Elixia: Okay can I hold my rapier… How injured is she?
Nick/Lin-Dare: Khione?
Afra/Milo: Not at all.
Liv/Elixia: Oh no-one attacked her!?
Afra/Milo: I tried to but I missed.
Nathan/Fiero: I have an attack left.
Liv/Elixia: God damn it all of you.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re right behind Milo. Depends on who you’re attacking.
Liv/Elixia: Alright, can I throw more knives?
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Not yet.
Afra/Milo: You’ve done your turn bro.
Nathan/Fiero: Can I cast a Firebolt?
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, do it.
Afra/Milo: Okayyy.
Nathan/Fiero: Okay.
Liv/Elixia: We’ve got the pool. We can get it out.
Nathan/Fiero: Yeah right? Oh yeah, even if she is set alight just push her into the water. Okay 1d10 and then there’s a three.
Nick/Lin-Dare: 1d10 plus three.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is there a saving throw? Read me out the spell.
Nathan/Fiero: You hurl a mote of fire at a creature or object within range. Make a ranged spell attack against the target. On hit they take 1d10 fire damage.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh okay, so you’ve got to do a ranged attack. So that’s a dexterity plus…
Nathan/Fiero: So what do I roll? D20 right? Okay, its a zero for the dex modifier.
*dice rolling*
Nathan/Fiero: Uh Nick I want you to read that for me.
Nick/Lin-Dare: It’s a twenty. Three twenties in a row!
*laughter*
Nathan/Fiero: It’s a twenty. It’s a nat twenty. We are on it today.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I was like I’ll make it difficult but I won’t make it too difficult.
Nick/Lin-Dare: These guys got messed up so quickly. I mean three twenties in a row.
Nathan/Fiero: They interrupted our pool and drinks. So it's a nat twenty. Okay so then I do the 1d10 plus three.
Afra/Milo: Ouch.
Nick/Lin-Dare: And then you double it. She’s going to get burnt to a crisp.
*dice rolling*
Nathan/Fiero: Seven, so fourteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Fourteen points of damage.
Nathan/Fiero: Yep
Afra/Milo: Bye.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Look she could have given up with Lin-Dare gave her the option. She got her chance, but she didn’t do it. Hey the other one’s not dead, right?
Liv/Elixia: If she dies I swear to god.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s passed out at the moment.
Liv/Elixia: Alright we can work with that.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So you see these wings come into existence as they slowly catch on fire.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Oh! They can absorb the elements! He did that with the fire last time didn’t he?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They’re on fire, like -
Nick/Lin-Dare: Didn’t the other fairy guy like absorb the fire?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Notably this guy is on fire, it was the other guy who absorbed it. Alright that’s everybody. I think that’s everybody.
Afra/Milo: Ooo he’s special.
Nathan/Fiero: Good job team. Blizzbro. He’s just watching the whole thing!
Afra/Milo: Oh, Blizzbro! Our saving grace!
Liv/Elixia: Or Dave.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Blizzbro is going to run and grab the bottle of vodka.
Liv/Elixia: What!?
Afra/Milo: He just got magic.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to throw it at Khione.
Nick/Lin-Dare: The fire one. Ooooo!
Afra/Milo: Oh my god. I was going to drink that.
Nathan/Fiero: Molotov it.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So he’s going to roll a dexterity.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Watch him miss and smash a fifty dollar bottle of vodka.
*dice rolling*
Nathan/Fiero: What was it?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A three.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Oh! He’s going to smash his bottle of vodka for nothing!
Liv/Elixia: Ooo thank fuck! Because if he killed this bitch and I didn’t get answers, I swear to god.
Afra/Milo: No, I wanted to drink that.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So this bottle of vodka just flies past, goes past the railing.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Someone’s going to get hit.
Liv/Elixia Yeah I want Elixia to go up to him and pat him on the shoulder sarcastically and be like, “Yeah good try. Leave it to the adults. Leave it to the professionals.
Tyrone/Blizzbro: I’ll try a spell next time.
Nick/Lin-Dare: What spells does he actually know? Because he can’t know what type of spells he knows. He knows the D&D spells.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hypothetically, well he knows the movements of the Avatar scroll things. Well he just used his main action.
Afra/Milo: He just tried to throw vodka.
Nathan/Fiero: I know you’re sad Milo, I am too.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s Jack and Khione’s turn.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Well Jack’s passed the fuck out so…
Nathan/Fiero: Well someone’s dead. Passed out.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Jack is passed the fuck out. Khione is going to…
Nick/Lin-Dare: She’s on fire, right?
Nathan/Fiero: She’s on fire. She’s on so much fire.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to run to the railing and she’s going to jump off.
*gasps*
Afra/Milo: With the burning wings!? Girl’s insane! Yeah I’m going to run and watch.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah she’s jumped off.
Nathan/Fiero: We need to question her still. So we need to stop her from jumping over the rails.
Afra/Milo: She did it already.
Liv/Elixia: I’m going to run to Agent Jack and try to wake him up.
Afra/Milo: Wake him up.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Umm, so Milo’s going to see that she’s going to cast an ice spell on her wings as she’s falling. Some sort of frosty spell.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Can I try and Lay on Hands Agent Jack so he gets at least some sort of consciousness back.
Nathan/Fiero: You’re going to use your Lay on Hands?
Nick/Lin-Dare: Look, it’s really crap until I get high level anyway so might as well use it on him.
Afra/Milo: We’re all fine. Except for…
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How much are you going to heal for?
Nick/Lin-Dare: Umm, I will heal him. He gets three points back.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Bloody and bruising, he’g going to slowly open his eyes.
Liv/Elixia: Okay can Elixia slap him across the face? Not as an attack just as a wake up kind of thing?
Nick/Lin-Dare: He’s going to lose that three points of damage.
tyrone/Jack: What? Hurry up and kill me.
Liv/Elixia: Okay can she hold the rapier to his throat and be like, “Who are you?”
tyrone/Jack: Agent Jack.
Liv/Elixia: Who do you work for?
tyrone/Jack: Her Majesty.
Liv/Elixia: Why are you after us?
tyrone/Jack: We’re not after you. Well, kind of. We’re mostly after the anomaly over there.
Nathan/Fiero: Who’s the anomaly? What’s the anomaly?
Afra/Milo: Are you talking about my boy Brizzbro, Bizzbro, Blizzbro ?
Nathan/Fiero: Brisbane.
Afra/Milo: Brisbane.
tyrone/Jack: Is that what he calls himself? Blizzbro?
Afra/Milo: Yeah, or Dave! If you’d like.
Liv/Elixia: Interesting.
Nick/Lin-Dare: That’s his mage name and you will respect it.
tyrone/Jack: Well the woman downstairs did call him Dave.
Nathan/Fiero: Dave if you’re nasty.
Liv/Elixia: I told you that we shouldn’t have trusted him.
Nick/Lin-Dare: This is giving me TVA from Loki.
Afra/Milo: Yeah literally like, ‘oh my god’. !
tyrone/Dungeon Master: He is still passing the fuck out, not passing the fuck out, but you know he’s on the ground. He’s like:
tyrone/Jack: Her Majesty hasn’t requested you yet but we must deal with the anomaly.
Liv/Elixia: Who is Her Majesty? Yeah I’m going to… Can I stab him a little bit? Like press on his wound.
Nathan/Fiero: Yes, do that. I can picture that happening.
Afra/Milo: Can I just gently stab him?
Liv/Elixia: No, no. Like press on his wound, where I threw a knife at him.
tyrone/Dungeon MAster: You’re going to press the rapier in there?
Liv/Elixia: No, no, just press with my arm, and be like, “Tell me”.
tyrone/Jack: Her Majesty Demeter.
Liv/Elixia: I didn’t hear you.
Afra/Milo: Demeter.
tyrone/Dungeon MAster: Demeter.
Liv/Elixia: Is that a name that we know?
Nick/Lin-Dare: Is she a queen or something in Phoenaxis?
tyrone/Dungeon MAster: Yeah everyone roll me a Knowledge History.
Nick/Lin-Dare: I’m proficient in history
Nathan/Fiero: I’m also proficient in History.
*dice rolling*
Afra/Milo: So I rolled a sixteen, but I have minus one Intelligence so I got a fifteen.
Nick/Lin-Dare: I got an eighteen.
Nathan/Fiero: I got a ten overall.
*dice rolling*
Liv/Elixia: I got nine.
tyrone/Dungeon MAster: Demeter sounds…
Nick/Lin-Dare: She’s undead.
tyrone/Dungeon MAster: No, she’s not undead. She sound vaguely familiar to you. You might have heard about her in some fae folklore, but it only rings a bell. You don’t really know who Demeter is.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Demeter, Queen of the Fairies.
Nathan/Fiero: The Majesty of the fairy people.
Afra/Milo: Yeah, the fae queen or something.
tyrone/Dungeon MAster: Yeah, you assume it’s this guy’s queen.
Nathan/Fiero: Where does she live? Can we ask Jack? Where does she live?
Afra/Milo: Ooo okay well… Where does she live?
Nathan/Fiero: Where does she live? Where does she live? Take me to your leader.
Liv/Elixia: Okay I’m asking the questions here.
Nathan/Fiero: Okay, can you also ask about the fairy man?
Afra/Milo: Yeah, what about that guy?
Liv/Elixia: How did you get here?
tyrone/Jack: I took the elevator?
Liv/Elixia: How did you get to this world?
tyrone/Jack: I was born here?
Liv/Elixia: Am I talking to Blizzbro?
tyrone/Dungeon MAster: No, you’re talking to Jack.
Afra/Milo: You’re talking to Jack. He’s from here.
Liv/Elixia: Okay. Damn. So is the fairy queen here or from our world?
tyrone/Jack: She… I don’t know. She has always been and always will be.
Liv/Elixia: Ugh this guy is useless. Blizzbro. I’m talking to him now. Are you from here?
tyrone/Blizzbro: Yeah, I was born in Brunswick?
Afra/Milo: Where is this Brunswick?
Liv/Elixia: Have you ever experience anything strange or odd before the ice powers that you suddenly seem to find yourself with?
tyrone/Blizzbro: Odd like… Odd like I saw a cool magic show?
Liv/Elixia: I’m going to turn back to Agent Jack and be like, “What do they want with him?”
tyrone/Jack: To delete him. To delete the anomaly.
Afra/Milo: Oh my god, they’re going to kill Blizzbro!
nathan/Fiero: He’s after my man!
Liv/Elixia: I don’t mind that. You can go ahead.
Afra/Milo: No! Don’t kill Blizzbro!
nathan/Fiero: No! He gave us vodka.
Afra/Milo: That’s why you want to keep him around? I thought he was your man.
nathan/Fiero: People can be two things.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Blizzbro’s going to look at Fiero and be like:
tyrone/Blizzbro: What do they want with me?
nathan/Fiero: They want to end you.
tyrone/Blizzbro: Do you know these people?
nick/Lin-Dare: No.
nathan/Fiero: Lin-Dare’s heard of their queen.
nick/Lin-Dare: Yeah, she’s going to be like, “I know about the queen. I know about your Majesty”.
tyrone/Jack: You know about the queen?
nick/Lin-Dare: I’m wondering if she should bluff and act like she knows the queen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What’s your alignment?
nick/Lin-Dare: Neutral Good. So if she bluffs to do things for the good of the party then, yeah she’s going to be like, “Yeah, I know Demeter”.
Liv/Elixia: Lin-Dare, what can you tell us about her?
nick/Lin-Dare: “I’ve slayed some monsters for her before.” She’s talking more to Agent Jack more than the others.
Afra/Milo: Yeah, she’s lying.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll a Deception.
* dice rolling*
nick/Lin-Dare: That’s an eighteen.
tyrone/Jack: What beast?
nick/Lin-Dare: Google. You know the Google.
tyrone/Jack: I know of the Google.
nick/Lin-Dare: I was the one that slayed the Google.
tyrone/Jack: Well it’s still around, so I guess you didn’t slay it well.
nick/Lin-Dare: There’s another one.
Afra/Milo: You didn’t slay.
tyrone/Jack: The Google is all-knowing. It can’t be erased. It’s always there.
nick/Lin-Dare: Well then Demeter needs to send me another letter and I’ll go back and I’ll slay the Google again.
tyrone/Jack: Just kill me.
nick/Lin-Dare: No, no, no.
Liv/Elixia: Can I ask him one more question before we get rid of him. “Do you have any connection to the fairy with the machine?”
tyrone/Jack: The one that you entered this realm in?
Liv/Elixia: Yes.
tyrone/Jack: He must also be deleted.
Afra/Milo: Is he also an anomaly?
Liv/Elixia: If you can help us find him we will spare your life.
tyrone/Jack: He is causing the anomalies.
Afra/Milo: Yeah that makes sense. Little bastard.
Nathan/Fiero: I feel bad for hurting them now.
Liv/Elixia: Can you help us find him?
tyrone/Jack: I can try.
Liv/Elixia: Alright Lin-Dare, heal him.
Afra/Milo: We’re joining up with the fairy cops.
nick/Lin-Dare: I will heal the rest of my Lay on Hands, so he gets another three points.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, he’s pretty weak but…
nick/Lin-Dare: I guess she’s got bandages and stuff in her bag so she’ll patch him up.
Afra/Milo: Well I’ve got a lot of snacks so he can eat something.
Nathan/Fiero: I can get Tabasco to purr on his chest. They say that cat’s purr can help mend wounds.
Afra/Milo: Emotional support.
Liv/Elixia: Emotional support. The man’s been stabbed.
Nathan/Fiero: That too.
Afra/Milo: He needs emotional support.
Liv/Elixia: Is there any of this world’s medical place we could take him to Blizzbro?
tyrone/Blizzbro: A hospital?
Liv/Elixia: Yeah can we get him there?
tyrone/Blizzbro: I guess. I don’t have ambulance cover though.
nick/Lin-Dare: Is there a button in your el-el-vad-elvader that takes you to the hospital?
tyrone/Blizzbro: Just to the ground floor. We can get a-
nick/Lin-Dare: Let’s get the tram.
Afra/Milo: Let’s get the tram to the hospital.
Liv/Elixia: As this man is bleeding out.
tyrone/Blizzbro: No it’s okay, I’ll put it on my parents credit card.
Afra/Milo: Damn.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And he’s going to dial something into his black box.
tyrone/Blizzbro: Hi, we’ve got a man bleeding out at ‘this address’.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I’m not going to make up an address.
nick/Lin-Dare: The paramedics are going to come in, they’re going to see us in full armour.
Afra/Milo: Like, ‘what did you do to this man?’ We’re going to get arrested. Yeah, we’ve got to hide our shit.
tyrone/Blizzbro: I don’t know what happened to him, I just found him like this. We’ll bring him down to the lobby. Bye. They’re on their way.
Liv/Elixia: Is there anywhere we can hide our weapons Dave?
nick/Lin-Dare: His house I guess.
Afra/Milo: Alright, we’re dumping our stuff in his house.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re dumping your stuff?
Afra/Milo: Maybe I should take it with me in case something happens at the hospital.
nick/Lin-Dare: Yeah, Lin-Dare’s not taking off her armour or getting rid of her mace.
nathan/Fiero: Can I cast Disguise Self.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You have Disguise Self?
nathan/Fiero: Yeah.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright. How many spells do you know?
nathan/Fiero: Six. No, it’s four cantrips and then two prepared spells.
Liv/Elixia: I’m just going to keep my rapier and my knives hidden in my cloak.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are you taking your bow and arrow?
Afra/Milo: I’ll leave it. I’ll use my fists if I have to.
nathan/Fiero: Just in case I need to dress up as a police officer or a paramedic, I’m going to save the Disguise Self for a moment when I actually do need it. So I’m just going to put the book in my pants. Like, attach it back to my pants. That’s me putting away my weapons.
Afra/Milo: In my pants.
Nick/Lin-Dare: I guess the flail could fit into her satchel.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’ve got it attached to your belt or something usually don’t you?
Nick/Lin-Dare: Yeah it’s on the… You know what? She’s just going to hold onto it, and her shield. Why not?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Everyone’s keeping their weapons?
Liv/Elixia: Yes.
Nathan/Fiero: No-one’s hiding anything.
Afra/Milo: Why not? It’s only the ambulance.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Look, we’ll stay up here and Blizzbro will take him down the lobby. Then they don’t have to come up here.
Afra/Milo: And then we’ll go visit him in the hospital.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So Blizzbro is going to take home boy down to the lobby?
Nick/Lin-Dare: Yeah, he can drop us off at his house.
Afra/Milo: Blizzbro’s still has his ice powers?
Liv/Elixia: Wait, wait, wait. We can’t just leave the guy that they’re trying to delete with the guy that’s trying to delete him.
Afra/Milo: Yeah, I’m go with him.
Liv/Elixia: Yeah, Milo, you go.
Afra/Milo: I’ll leave my bow and arrow, and I’ll punch someone if I have to.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Lin-Dare can hold it. She’ll hold it and be like, “I’ll take care of it.”
Liv/Elixia: And then under the cover of moonlight I will us sneak into said-
Afra/Milo: Is it night time?
Liv/Elixia: No, when it gets night-time. I will sneak us into said hospital and we can question him properly.
Afra/Milo: Oh okay.
Nathan/Fiero: This is when Disguise Self will come in handy.
tyrone/Blizzbro: Can maybe just Milo take him down? Because I can’t control my ice.
Afra/Milo: Alright I’ll pick him up and carry him down bridal-style. I get in the elevator and I’m like, “How does this work?”
Nick/Lin-Dare: You need the keypass.
Liv/Elixia: Is there any way that we can communicate with Milo?
Nick/Lin-Dare: No.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Unless someone’s got a spell, no.
Liv/Elixia: Could Dave have a spare phone or something? Like an old phone?
Nick/Lin-Dare: Yeah but Milo wouldn’t know how to use it.
Afra/Milo: I don’t know how to use a phone. Just meet me at the hospital!
Liv/Elixia: Yeah but…
tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to the hospital with them?
Afra/Milo: Yeah sure. No. I’ll just take him to the ambulance.
Natha/Fiero: Just throw him out of the elevator and press the elevator back up.
Afra/Milo: Yeah just take him to the ambulance and I’ll come back up.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: And the elevator is going to stop halfway down and someone’s going to get in.
tyrone/Citizen: Oh my god. Is everything okay?
Afra/Milo: Yeah, I’m taking him to the ambulance. Don’t you worry.
tyrone/Citizen: What happened?
Afra/Milo: Just fell. Don’t even worry.
Nathan/Fiero: He fell into a door.
tyrone/Citizen: Here let me help you. I’ll grab the other side of the guy.
Liv/Elixia: He’s still got a knife protruding out of him.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Did you not get the knife out!?
Liv/Elixia: No, because I was worried that he’d bleed out.
Afra/Milo: Oh no.
Nick/Lin-Dare: It’s the evidence.
Liv/Elixia: Okay, on his way down into the elevator I just pulled it out as he was being dragged past.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: The elevator opens and this random citizen helps you take this man into the lobby.
Afra/Milo: Thank you citizen.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: So it’s sunset, so a bit of time has passed now and so it is getting into the dark evening. These guys on the rooftop, you’ve got a nice view of what’s about to happen but Milo some stuff is still going to happen. You’re going to be looking out over the city as the light’s start blinking out one by one until the whole city is in complete darkness.
Liv/Elixia: Fuck yes.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Milo you see these lights in the lobby start going out one by one until you’re in complete darkness.
Afra/Milo: Am I in the elevator still?
tyrone/Dungeon Master: You got out of the elevator.
Afra/Milo: Oh! I was like ‘oh my god! I’m stuck in an elevator. Oh god’.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: The people on the rooftop roll me a Perception.
*dice rolling*
Nick/Lin-Dare: Twenty!
*laughter*
nathan/Fiero: Nineteen plus three
tyrone/Dungeon Master: You guys, I need to take away your dice. Twenty-two
Liv/Elixia: I think fifteen.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Natural twenty.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: I need to check that these dice aren’t weighted.
*laughter*
Afra/Milo: They’re your dice.
Nick/Lin-Dare: Look, I didn’t touch it. It’s right there. You can look at it if you want.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: Everyone will notice eventually, but Lin-Dare will be the first to notice in the distance that you can see from the balcony you’re going to see this flash of purple in the distance.
Nick/Lin-Dare: It’s the portal. That’s where the orrery is.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: And that’s where we’re going to cut the episode.
*gasp*
Theme Song: *rock music plays*
Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And thank you for listening to Portal Quandary. Portal Quandary is made possible by the following people: Afra Child as Milo, myself Tyrone Cross as Dungeon Master and Editor, Nathan Lee as Fiero, Nick Fairleigh as Lin-Dare, and Liv Ryan as Elixia. Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant. Rhiannon Davidson is our Community Manager, Lachlan Fardy is our Sound Designer, and Amelia Nemet is our Transcriber. The theme song is Belly of the Beast by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas, and if you need to contact us you can do so at portalquandary@gmail.com. This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people, and produced on the lands of the Anawan, Awabakal, Birpai, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past, present and emerging leaders.
Theme Song: *rock music continues*
Finding home in the belly of the beast, (in the belly of the beast), to make it home we can’t accept defeat, (there’s no turning back) so roll the dice and come along with me, (come along with me, let’s go), finding home in the belly of the beast.
Liv/Elixia: *Singing mystery tune* I just think that having blacked out is pretty awesome. I don’t even need to use my stealth.