The party's stress levels are put to the test as they disagree on the best way to handle the Astroneptis. Timothy earns his place on the team, and Lucille leads a charge. Will the party come together for long enough to face their common foe, or will their infighting have dire consequences?
Content warnings for this week’s episode include coarse language and fantasy violence.
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Dungeon Master, Community Manager, and Editing is Tyrone Cross
Noah is Steven Edwards
Timothy and Editing Assistant is Olive Jerome
Lucille is Rosemary Ochtman
Magnolia is Jorja Odd
Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant
Jemma Law is our Transcriber
Theme song is “Belly of The Beast” by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas (@lilyharnath & @henrylucas5)
Email us at portalquandary@gmail.com
Sound effects used in this episode include:
calm3 - levelclearer
JamesportWindChimes.wav - Acclivity
Calm Synthesizer, C - Inspector J
Beating Wings - juskiddink
This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, Bunerong, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders.
The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased) is intended or should be inferred.
The party's stress levels are put to the test as they disagree on the best way to handle the Astroneptis. Timothy earns his place on the team, and Lucille leads a charge. Will the party come together for long enough to face their common foe, or will their infighting have dire consequences?
Content warnings for this week’s episode include coarse language and fantasy violence.
Find us on Instagram
Follow us on TikTok
Like us on Facebook
Follow us on Threads
Dungeon Master, Community Manager, and Editing is Tyrone Cross
Noah is Steven Edwards
Timothy and Editing Assistant is Olive Jerome
Lucille is Rosemary Ochtman
Magnolia is Jorja Odd
Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant
Jemma Law is our Transcriber
Theme song is “Belly of The Beast” by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas (@lilyharnath & @henrylucas5)
Email us at portalquandary@gmail.com
Sound effects used in this episode include:
calm3 - levelclearer
JamesportWindChimes.wav - Acclivity
Calm Synthesizer, C - Inspector J
Beating Wings - juskiddink
This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, Bunerong, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders.
The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased) is intended or should be inferred.
Portal Quandary: Prophis
Episode 5 - The Astroneptis
Jorja/Magnolia: Portal Quandary has some content warnings. You can check them out in the episode description.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Through the heavy fog, deep in the clutches of Neptis, a blue light shines bright as a lone figure takes it, holding it to eye level to examine it. The fairy is panting with exertion, his summer-coloured wings dead weight on his back, where they droop in fatigue. The fairy clutches his fist around the bright object and staggers to a nearby fallen tree, slumping onto it and digging into his satchel to retrieve a ruby with his free hand, which he holds up to his mouth.
Tyrone/Kyros: Cleary, are you there? It works. I have the Essence.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There is silence for a moment before a voice stumbles out of the ruby in response.
Tyrone/Cleary: Kyros! You’re alive! I swear on the constellation Lucaria if you’ve run into Astro without telling me, I will build a portal machine myself and use it to send you to the centre of the nearest star!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Kyros waits for a beat, equal parts amused and wary before Cleary continues.
Tyrone/Cleary: Tell me about the Essence.
Tyrone/Kyros: It certainly didn't make it easy for me, but we were right in our theory that the Astrolustris do have a much stronger magical core which they draw their power from. It has some frankly, uh, fascinating abilities which does make me wonder about the other Astroneptium that reside in other Neptis regions. Do they look like this one or different? Do their powers manifest differently? Or do they all evolve in the same manner when they become the way they do? How does a Lustris even become an Astrolustris? Is it random or is it some kind of intentional selective process-
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Cleary cuts in before he can continue.
Tyrone/Cleary: Yes, yes, burning questions we all want answers too, but the Essence, Kyros. You have the Essence!
Tyrone/Kyros: Yes, yes, of course, the Essence! It's smaller than I expected, round like a stone but it emits bright blue light like sunlight reflecting down through the ocean. It's rather pretty. I can feel the magic contained with it, just holding it in my hand. You should see the aetherblooms here, Cleary; the place is practically overrun with them. I know we need to take the time to study it further, but I can feel it, we’re close, this magic… If I could utilise the other Astrolustris’s Essence, this might just be the perfect kind of power we need to kick start the dimensional travel we'd have to-
Tyrone/Cleary: Slow down there. We don't even know how we're going to use that power, much less if it's a viable source of magic to feed into our device, which we haven't built yet, by the way.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Kyros interrupts Cleary, feeling a new well of energy building up as he gazes at the bright blue light in the palm of his hand.
Tyrone/Kyros: It’ll work. The device will come to us naturally once we have the appropriate materials. This is it, Cleary. This is the answer. This is going to take us home!
Theme Song: *rock music plays*
Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Welcome back to Portal Quandary: Prophis. We're up to Episode FIve now, I think it is. We find ourselves back in Neptis in, if you haven't figured it out yet, in the den of the Astroneptis, two days since Timmit and the others were teleported here from Melbourne, and I don't think Lucille has said anything about what it was, but she's just said ‘to arms’, basically. So, I'm giving you guys basically one round of free combat where you guys can do whatever you want before the real combat. So you guys get to do like one thing each before I call roll for combat.
Rosie/Lucille: Ooh!
Olive/Timmit: Well, Timmit, the first thing he's gonna do is reach inside his jacket pocket and take out a very well-crafted, taken care of gavel, and grip it in his hand and it's going to start to glow and slightly pulse with a very kind of dark red sort of energy around it.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Holy shit!
Olive/Timmit: I'm going to cast Comprehend Languages on myself.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What's everyone else doing?
Rosie/Lucille: Well, Lucille does have like some rations on her from in her clothes, so she was flying up and yelling, “Everyone blah, blah”, whatever she said. Straight after she says that, she's going to reach into her pocket and grab out some beef jerky she made and just gnaw on it. She's preparing for battle.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, I'm hoping you're not expecting hit points out of that, because…
Rosie/Lucille: Oh no, absolutely not, it's just, it just kind of boosts her confidence. It's something a bit from home, you know? Salty. So yeah, she's just gonna chew on that beef jerky. It’s not goat jerky, if you're wondering. It's definitely beef.
*laughter*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I was wondering.
Rosie/Lucille: Remember, Lucille does not eat goats, and they're not pets.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You could definitely do that, I'm just wondering if you're going to tell any of the people on the ground what's happening, ‘cause you've just said ‘to arms’. you haven't told them what it is or anything.
Steven/Noah: I was going to say, as an action, could we be like, “Yeah, why? Like, you said ‘To Arms’, like, why? What's going on?”
Rosie/Lucille: “There’s, like, this big octopus!” I'm just gonna say that. Like, “There’s an octopus!”, while she’s chewing on her jerky.
Steven/Noah: Vague as always, love it.
Rosie/Lucille: Look, well I figured out for themselves like I can't do all the work
Steven/Noah: You could do some of it
*laughter*
Rosie/Lucille: Look I got my beef jerky here, like-
Jorja/Magnolia: No direction. Just, there is one that exists…… Can I, as an action, use Divine Sense to try to see the presence of any Celestial, Fiend or Undead within sixty feet?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You love that because it's free, isn't it?
Jorja/Magnolia: Yep, I can do it five times per long rest.
Rosie/Lucille: How many times have you done it?
Jorja/Magnolia: Four!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Celestial, Fiend, Undead…. This is none of those things. So, no. It is not affected by the hallowed spell either.
Jorja/Magnolia: Well, I mean, I wasn't given a direction, so I was like ‘might as well try’. And now I'm like, welp.
Rosie/Lucille: But like you can assume it's in the direction I'm flying.
Jorja/Magnolia: .No I can't, you're insane!
Rosie/Lucille: Me?
Jorja/Magnolia: Yes!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Would you like to do anything, Noah?
Steven/Noah: Um, probably just gonna throw the stick that's in my hand to the side. Um look at my two thopters, nod and then I guess, run in the same direction that the crazy woman with the beef jerky is flying in.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, we remember that there's these eight pillars and the courtyard situation happening with the sun and moon insignia on the ground. How high is Lucille flying? Is she flying above those pillars?
Rosie/Lucille: I don't think Lucille is above the pillars yet, but she's probably only like ten feet up at the moment because she was delayed a bit by taking out the beef jerky and you know gnawing on it .
Olive/Timmit: Timmit will take about ten steps back away from the whole thing and just try to hide in a corner.
Jorja/Magnolia: As I remember, I was directly underneath Lucille because I was like she's gonna get killed so I'll catch her when she falls so I'm just gonna stand still underneath her with my morning star out.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lovely. Final question. Does Comprehend Languages tell you what language it is? Or does it- do you just understand what it is?
Olive/Timmit: Uh no, I believe it is just- you understand it, so for the duration you understand the literal meaning of any spoken language that you hear. But it doesn't necessarily tell me what language that is. Nor can I speak it. I can just hear the meaning of it.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Before we roll for combat. There is going to be another little statuette that has been thrown in the direction of Timmit.
Jorja/Magnolia: Who threw it?
Olive/Timmit: That's a great question. I was just gonna ask what it is but I mean that's a valid question….
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It seems to have come from behind one of the pillars and then risen in the air and been thrown in the direction of Timmit. It is… it seems to be a small fairy child with a wooden sword.
Rosie/Lucille: My baby!
Jorja/Magnolia: Ohhh… I just figured it out. My character's intelligence is not great so maybe I didn't.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Now roll for initiative.
Rosie/Lucille: Ayyy, I got a nat twenty!
Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, you’re not gonna believe it-
*laughter*
Rosie/Lucille: You're telling us you got another nat twenty?
Jorja/Magnolia: We have the exact same initiative, too!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lucille, first of all, I'm really happy for you. Second of all, I am absolutely cursed in Portal Quandary to have multiple fucking nat twenties in every combat I do ever. I'm pretty sure Lucille that's at least two out of three for nat twenties on initiative roles this season
Rosie/Lucille: You're welcome~!
Olive/Timmit: Shit.
Jorja/Magnolia: I mean just lie. Just say it was a nat twenty too.
Steven/Noah: I mean I got a four, so…
Olive/Timmit: Okay I'm doing all right come on. Uh I got a thirteen.
Rosie/Lucille: Tee hee.
Olive/Timmit: She's just ready to go, you know. She's lived her life and now she has a second chance she's just she's-
Rosie/Lucille: -living my life thank you.
Olive/Timmit: Um she's a goat farmer, what life is that?
Rosie/Lucille: An excellent one! Thank you very much!
Olive/Timmit: No disrespect to the goat farmers out there.
Rosie/Lucille: I bet no other goat farmers have one hundred and twenty three goats!
Olive/Timmit: Now, what-who would need that many goats? If-
Rosie/Lucille: -Its not that many goats, but it's the right amount
*laughter*
Olive/Timmit: What-what's the perfect amount of goat?
Jorja/Magnolia: Is one hundred and twenty three too many? Is it not enough? Let us know.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Drop how many goats you have in the comments below.
Rosie/Lucille: Goats.com
Olive/Timmit: Don't look that up.
*laughter*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lucille and Magnolia, what are our dexterity scores?
Jorja/Magnolia: My Dex is fourteen.
Rosie/Lucille: Mine is eighteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: We'll make Lucille go first then, I'd say.
Rosie/Lucille: I was hoping this wouldn't happen.
Jorja/Magnolia: We're gonna roll like shit in combat now
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So Lucille. What would you like to do? You're the only one who can see it so far.
Rosie/Lucille: How far away am I?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I'm gonna say you are if you're directly above where the other guys are it's a bit it's about fourty feet for you but if you have to go diagonally from…
Rosie/Lucille: Okay. Lucille would like to yell at this creature. And she’s kind of- she's gonna basically fly towards it at high speed. And she's holding her walking stick, of course, and she's gonna yell “You'd better not be a naughty one! Sit!” And she's gonna try and intimidate it.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll an intimidation check.
*Dice roll*
Rosie/Lucille: Nat twenty!
Jorja/Magnolia: Are you fucking kidding me?!
Rosie/Lucille: I'm serious….
*laughter*
Rosie/Lucille: I’m sorry, I'm just this good!
Olive/Timmit: I wanted to actually have a turn.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: For now, you're not gonna see any responses to this. But just know, in your head, that you got a nat twenty, and so-
Rosie/Lucille: What does it do?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You gotta wait for its turn!
Rosie/Lucille: Oh, yeah. Fair enough!
Jorja/Magnolia: Turn! Based! Encounters!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So you've got a movement and a bonus.
Rosie/Lucille: Well my movement still is- I'm just- I'm going full speed ahead. For my bonus, I'm just gonna turn around behind me and yell to the others “It's over here, you better hurry “
Steven/Noah: Don’t you have four hit points?
Rosie/Lucille: …..Yeah?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay…. Magnolia you're up
Steven/Noah: Be prepared to catch
Jorja/Magnolia: Yep someone's gonna die. Cool, Cool. Sooo, did we see the other statue? Like, it getting thrown at Timmit?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Uh yeah we'll say that. We'll just make it.
Jorja/Magnolia: And then the stone pillars. You said there are eight?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Correct.
Jorja/Magnolia: She [Lucille] is gonna die, so I'm gonna have to run after her. But, I'm gonna look at Timmit and I'll be like “I think there's some sort of order to it?”. And, I'm just gonna run straight under Lucille - is that…. Can I see anything?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think at the very edge of your thirty feet of movement, you stop because you feel something like, squishy, at your feet it reminds you of the, like, the slimy hand that ran down your back.
Jorja/Magnolia: Okay, okay, okay, uhh…… Okay I’m gonna hold my attack. I’ll see if it gets angry at Lucille’s… whatever mindfuck she did. So, if it seems aggressive and doesn't listen to her I will attack it.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You all hear a voice in your head. However, Timmit is the only one who understands what it is .
Steven/Noah: And uh- For the rest of us *wet mouth noises*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Actually can I clarify the specifics of Comprehend Languages? Like what is the description?
Olive/Timmit: For the duration, you understand the literal meaning of any spoken language that you hear. You also understand any written language that you see, but you must be touching the surface on which the words are written.
Rosie/Lucille: Neat-areeno!
Olive/Timmit: So, if my ear hole hears it… my brain hole feels it?
Rosie/Lucille: You shouldn't have a hole in your brain.
Olive/Timmit: That's where all the good stuff goes!
Rosie/Lucille: I'm concerned.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It is saying:
Tyrone/ASTRONEPTIS: Prove yourselves to me. Show me your wits and your knowledge and your logic.
Steven/Noah: Just show me your wit! Wahh!
*laughter*
Jorja/Magnolia: We are just there like what the fuck was that? And he is like - oh, these guys are idiots.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: We do joke, but it is kind of what that sounds like in your head - that foley that Steven just made. It is also going to say:
Tyrone/ASTRONEPTIS: Flying friend. Please show me your logic, not your brute strength.
Rosie/Lucille: I don’t understand that at all, do I?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No.
Rosie/Lucille: Cool.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And it's done that so now it will… Yeah, fuck it. Let's do that.
Jorja/Magnolia: I don't like those words.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah it’s ability…. A fountain of ink that's going to come out from the centre of the circle and cover a ten foot radius from the centre. Uh, making it difficult terrain for one minute. Everyone standing within ten feet which I think is, Magnolia and Lucille, you have to make dexterity saving throws.
Jorja/Magnolia: I don’t think Lucille is standing.
Rosie/Lucille: I’m… in the air!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s fair. That’s fine, then actually it is just Magnolia. Soz.
Jorja/Magnolia: Dex save?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.
*Dice rolls*
Jorja/Magnolia: A natural eighteen. For a twenty total
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You're fine then. Otherwise you would have fallen prone. But, what it has done is covered itself in ink so you can see this lovely form of this octopus now. Which is actually horrifying. Picture like an, uh, octopus that is the size of the house basically. And it's now Timmit’s go.
Olive/Timmit: Timothy literally starts to…… cry. Just looking at this thing, just unimaginable fear.
Jorja/Magnolia: I look back at Timmit. I’d be like “Do you see it? Look at it!?” I'm just like pointing at it, trying to make him look at it.
Olive/Timmit: He’s shaking his head. Just no words. Just - *panicked noises* - Shit! Um, okay. So the first thing for my action, could I use my movement to come closer towards the centre of the room? I’m trying to veer as far away from this tentacle monster as I can and I just want to take a look in the centre to see if there is a spot where I can put these, um, statuettes. Are they numbered in any particular way?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, now, that you're on the inside of the circle you can see little alcoves about chest height on each of the pillars.
Olive/Timmit: Tricky! Okay, because, I'm thinking soldier and wife, cradle, small fairy and then the gravestone so where to put them….. Could I make an investigation check to determine which spots they need to go in- with, in accordance…. to where I saw the sun and the moon on the floor earlier?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Uh-huh! Definitely
*Dice rolls*
Olive/Timmit: And I'll use that as my action to make that check…. *chuckles* That's a natural twenty…..
Jorja/Magnolia: Yes!
steven/Noah: I saw it land!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Why am I cursed?!
Jorja/Magnolia: Hey Tyrone, FUCK your boss.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: To be fair, you guys have already gone through another fight with no rest in between. Okay, here's what you find. So, if, where you guys are standing from the building, if that is the six o'clock position I'm saying we're talking clock faces here, then sitting in the…. three o'clock position. There is a, uh, sort of like a young adult fairy [statuette] with a longer sword than the wooden sword from before uh it is sitting in the Alcove already. There is also, you can see, sort of hiding behind the pillars the eleven and twelve you can see there's another two statuettes sort of sticking out. And there's another one sort of next to the door from where you guys came in, like you guys just went straight out but it was like sitting on the door next to the ground.
Olive/Timmit: All right, I'll see all of that. And what I'll do then for my bonus action is I will uh, still holding the Produce Flame in my hand - I'll use it to kind of flare up a little bit so that there's a bit of light cementing in this hall and I will just start very carefully moving it through my hands and almost making a very rhythmic kind of movement as I start to make my way across the room using whatever movement I have left. And I will…. I will start a Blade Song.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Now I was looking this up before and I kind of got it but please tell me more .
Olive/Timmit: So, still holding uh the gavel in the other hand it'll be mixing the the fire with the gavel and just the movement of his body….. The flames will start to kind of sear from his hair a little more and across his whole body….Kind of starting to catch on some of his clothes as well… And just through this movement small sparks and flames will just drift off of him and across and it was almost a blur. As for the bonuses is a plus five to my AC plus ten feet of movement, advantage on acrobatics checks and a plus five bonus to any cons saving throw for my concentration on spells.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So it's like a rage, but for a wizard?
Rosie/Lucille: Angie wizard
Olive/Timmit: Kind of, yeah. Uh, so, that will be the bonus action and we'll just use the last ten feet of movement to make his way closer towards the door towards the other statuette that's sitting there.
Rosie/Lucille: You're not going to tell me what it said? About the fairy in the air?
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, point one. He didn’t tell us anything about what they said. Point two, that's a bonus action?
Olive/Timmit: Sure is !
Jorja/Magnolia: Holy shit!
Olive/Timmit: I get two of those per long rest.
Jorja/Magnolia: That's so cool, sorry!
Olive/Timmit: Sorry! It lasts a minute, so we'll see how we go.
Rosie/Lucille: To be fair that's ten rounds of combat
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Fuck yeah if you've gone in and then gone back out you'll probably get back to what you guys were standing before.
Olive/Timmit: Yep cool sounds good and. And no Tim will not say anything that he's heard, because when he hears it he'll assume that everyone else has heard it
Rosie/Lucille: Ughh!
Olive/Timmit: And just petrified to say anything in the presence of whatever this thing is.
Rosie/Lucille: Welp. Lucille is gonna stuff this up then!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What you got for us, Noah?
Steven/Noah: Well I feel like Noah knows the least like out of anyone. He's not seen the statuettes. He can't understand the language. He can't see anything.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can see the octopus now. It's covered in ink.
Steven/Noah: Oh stunning.
Steven/Noah: Okay, I guess. I'll probably just watch Timothy…. Being like “Why is he…he's just chilling?” Like he's not attacking and he's just playing with his little wooden dolls. So can I… instead of an action and a bonus action. Can I just do two bonus actions?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, I'd say that.
Steven/Noah: As an action and then a bonus action - I'm just going to send my thopters around. So I'm going to tell Beeyonce to go and help the flying fairy…. like just just go over there give her a hand, if you think she needs it. I'm gonna- I'm gonna tell Beeyonce to go up and just be like… defend her, if need be. Like, try and block an attack if you can, that'd be great. Uh, and then Honey Boo Boo…. Probably do the same thing towards the rabbit. Because she also looks like she's ready to punch something. So I'm just gonna send them in and hopefully they will be little meat shields. And they don't question my authority, they just do it.
Rosie/Lucille: I love meat shields!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That leaves your move actually I suppose.
Steven/Noah: I'm not in the ring, am I?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No you're more towards the door on the outside of the ring.
Steven/Noah: Right, I guess I'll just like to move around the ring to get a better view…. And see if there's anything else that I can see sure?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Clockwise or Counter-clockwise?
Steven/Noah: Let's go counterclockwise. That's it.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Do you have a preference with Honey Boo Boo or Beeyonce goes first?
Steven/Noah: Um, well. They kind of just got reactions now they don't really have…..
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They just go fly over and stand by them
Steven/Noah: Pretty much, yeah.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Back to the top of the round then, it is Lucille!
Rosie/Lucille: Ay yo I'm Lucille….sorry
Steven/Noah: I love the instant regret in your eyes
Rosie/Lucille: Oh yeah. Straight away. So, Lucille's obviously seen there's like black stuffed spout up and like cover it… and there's like a weird voice in her head. So she's kind of, like, pretty shocked when all this happens and she's, like, kind of falls to the ground and, like, covers her ears because she's got this weird voice in her head and she's kind of freaked out by it so I guess that's her movement action.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is coming down to the ground?
Rosie/Lucille: And covering her ears.
Jorja/Magnolia: Do you go straight down? Because you land on me.
Rosie/Lucille: I do go straight down
Jorja/Magnolia: I just have my arms out instinctually I'm like, Oh!
Rosie/Lucille: I look up and see this god-like face again.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Who I do believe is covered in black ink now if he didn't follow you're still both covered in black ink
Rosie/Lucille: Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool… Yeah, so Lucille is just gonna fall, I guess then Godly face roll back onto the ground and then I think. She's so like… if I didn't attack can I roll stealth and do a stealth attack….. Is that a thing?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You'd have to roll stealth, I believe, in order to get your sneak attack.
Jorja/Magnolia: So if you want to hide you can bonus action hide and then attack.
Rosie/Lucille: I would like to hide for my bonus action. Is there anywhere I can hide?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There is the pillars, are probably the best bet.
Rosie/Lucille: I want to hide behind the pillars.
Steven/Noah: All of them all eight of them .
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah you're towards the six o'clock position so it'd be like the seven, six or five o'clock pillars to hide behind, I guess?
Rosie/Lucille: I want to hide behind the seven o'clock pillar.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lovely.
Rosie/Lucille: And then, I would like to do a sneak attack? OR! OR! Instead of that I would like to throw a throwing star using my stealth roll. Is that something I can do?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think I have to roll a perception against yourself first to see if I know that you're there. What did you get?
Rosie/Lucille: What did you get?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That's a dirty twenty.
Rosie/Lucille: Dirty twenty one.
Jorja/Magnolia: I got a natural twenty-one!
*laughter*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I suppose it's got its gaze fixed upon Timmit at the moment
Olive/Timmit: Me??
Jorja/Magnolia: You ARE figuring the puzzle out, dude.
tyrone/Dungeon Master: You still have to roll the attack roll.
Jorja/Magnolia: So you can roll with advantage for this because you are hidden.
Rosie/Lucille: Hh so does that mean a world twice ?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes, then you take the higher one.
*Dice rolls*
Jorja/Magnolia: She rolled two eights *laughter*
Rosie/Lucille: I got twelve.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That does hit.
*Dice rolls*
Rosie/Lucille: Ten. [Damage]
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lovely. Just remember that you have a throwing star in the octopus right now. You’ve thrown it in the octopus -into one of its eight legs.
Rosie/Lucille: The tentacles.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Because you have already lost one to the mist… So make sure you don't lose another one.
Rosie/Lucille: Oh, no! I'll get it from the octopus. I'll go and intimidate it or persuade it or something…. You know me.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I also believe that Magnolia held a main action which if you don't use it now you lose it.
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah is- Does it seem like the monster is angry now and gonna attack Lucille?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It is a bit pissed off that it has been attacked with these throwing stars.
Rosie/Lucille: But I'm hiding!
Jorja/Magnolia: After you attack someone from hiding they know where you are!
Rosie/Lucille: No…
Jorja/Magnolia: I would have looked back to see Timmy like figuring it out so I'm not going to use my reaction…
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: We'll move on to your round two turn.
Jorja/Magnolia: So I'm near six o'clock.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.
Jorja/Magnolia: You look at or saw three o'clock
Olive/Timmit: I did yes at three o'clock
Jorja/Magnolia: Um but then I saw you go back to the door which is… what way on the clock?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Six o'clock
Jorja/Magnolia: where did Lucille end up
Rosie/Lucille: Seven o'clock.
Jorja/Magnolia: okay I'll just move to her I guess I'll just look around to see if there's anything of Interest around here because I don't want to fight a huge octopus.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Valid! So you're gonna do a perception or an investigation check, is that your plan, yes?
Jorja/Magnolia: I would like to do perception
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Go for it
Jorja/Magnolia: Fourteen total.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: With a fourteen I will give you that you can see that you can notice the alcoves that Timmit noticed and you can notice that there's already one at three o'clock which is the young adult fairy I believe. Yep, the young adult fairy with the training sword.
Jorja/Magnolia: Okay so I see that and there's alcoves…. Do I see any near me? Like closer?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, we'll give you that last one which is that the one that Timmit it's going back towards is that there's one back by the door which is behind the six o'clock position.
Jorja/Magnolia: Okay. I’m just going to yell out, “Guys I think it's a puzzle!”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Magnolia is pulling the team
Rosie/Lucille: “What you talking about?” Lucille yells.
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah that doesn't mean it makes sense. Lucille feels like one of those toddlers that has the backpack with like the leash on it. Magnolia is holding it.
Olive/Timmit: Magnolia is pulling the team but Lucille is leading you know
Rosie/Lucille: No Lucille's dragging, like dragging it down not ahead .
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Would you like to use your bonus or your moment?
Jorja/Magnolia: I just like run around…. No, she's gonna get killed!
Steven/Noah: She’s got a thopter! She's fine!
Jorja/Magnolia: True!
Steven/Noah: So, do you actually!
Jorja/Magnolia: How tall are the, uh pillars?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Really putting me on my toes here…. We'll say fifteen.
Jorja/Magnolia: Seeing that there was another statue I'm just going to stay semi-close to Lucille but like maybe go up to nine o'clock and see if I can see anything else. I'm just gonna slowly make my way around the circle
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And so holding that bonus action if you need
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: all right it makes it its turn do you have your weapon out Magnolia?
Jorja/Magnolia: Yes, it's like a walking stick I swear
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah you're gonna see one of these lovely tentacles come around to you and it is going to attempt to grab- to disarm you to grab your weapon. It looks like we enter a dex contest according to my notes.
Jorja/Magnolia: Is it a dex save or…?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I'll say a savings throw
*Dice rolls*
Jorja/Magnolia: Oh! Oh! It’s bad.
Olive/Timmit: Ruh-roh!
*Dice Rolls
Jorja/Magnolia: I’m going to add a D4 to that. Like it will change it. Fuck me! Dex save. That’ll be a total of seven.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Unfortunately a thirteen does beat that .
Jorja/Magnolia: Um I don't think so.
Steven/Noah: Check your Math
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You're gonna find that yeah it has grasped your little weapon out of your hand and it is going to throw it into the branches of a nearby tree.
Jorja/Magnolia: That fuckin rude! I didn't hit you on purpose
Olive/Timmit: there are trees in here?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So there’s an outdoor…
Jorja/Magnolia: It's like a garden.
Olive/timmit: Okay yeah yeah. I missed that.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It's just a table of a roll a D6 to determine where it's flung so that was not me personally being like “Yes!”
Jorja/Magnolia: It’s alright. I'll get that later. I got other shit.
Steven/Noah: Noah can confirm that there were trees here
Jorja/Magnolia: Otherwise where would this stick come from?
*laughter*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah that's gonna be it for now. Timmit.
Olive/Timmit: A couple of things. How far away am I from the doll at the door right now?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Fifteen feet. We'll say there's thirty feet gap between the door and the six o'clock pillar.
Olive/Timmit: And how far would I be currently away from eleven and twelve o'clock?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The courtyard situation is a thirty-foot radius so it's a sixty foot across, so you are… you're seventy-five feet away from it.
Olive/Timmit: That's perfect okay so what I'm gonna do I've got forty feet of movement. So I'm going to move towards the doll on the floor, and just gonna scoop it up and what is it?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It is… Let me get my notes.
Jorja/Magnolia: add a drum roll please.
*taps on the table*
Jorja/Magnolia: I meant in post.
*Drum roll*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It is the lovely couple that we saw before. The fairy a soldier with his wife including two young fairy children this time one has a toy sword the other has a toy shield.
Steven/Noah: I think Pokemon already did this one.
Jorja/Magnolia: I was gonna make that joke.
Steven/Noah: And their names were Swordbert and Shieldbert.
Rosie/Lucille: Toys can have toys?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah
Rosie/Lucille: Woah.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Toyception.
Olive/Timmit: Okay soI'll move over and I'll pick it up and then I'll come back and then move an extra ten feet closer so that I'm sixty-five feet away, and then holding the gavel, I'll point it straight out past the fairy and the rabbit creature, and a slight green flame will just start to gather at the uh what do you call the top of a gavel…. The top of it?
jorja/Magnolia: The hammer bit. I think it's just like the head.
Olive/Timmit: The hammer bit of the gavel, and in the opposite side of the room sixty feet the same green spark will just sit in the air and then it will just puff away and only timid will be able to see the invisible form of Margaret, and I will cast Unseen Servant.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: For everyone else looking very confused. I'm also immediately confused. Margaret is the receptionist at his new job
Jorja/Magnolia: I was like who the fuck is Margaret. My name is Magnolia!
Steven/Noah: Also I love, like, the way ‘rabbit creature’ was so derogatory. It was great. ‘One of those… little rabbit creatures.’
Jorja/Magnolia: One of them little rabbit creatures… I'm gonna kill this wizard
Olive/Timmit: I just got here I can't remember everyone's names I'm sorry!
Steven/Noah: Just saying, Honey Boo Boo will back you up
Olive/Timmit: This is all just inside his head, but he's just gonna imagine this being standing in this thing because he needs an assistant right now he needs help and then Margaret will appear in the space. And through his mind to Margaret he will say as a bonus action to command: “Margaret, my dear. Could, um, could I possibly bother you and just could you go to collect those two other statuettes on the ground? Please. It’d be a massive help. Thank you.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I assume people still hear you talking even if they can't see her?
Steven/Noah: Now the bloke's bloody talking to himself.
Olive/Timmit: No, uh. So, once on each of your turns as a bonus action you can mentally command, mentally command, the servant to move up to fifteen feet and interact with an object. So, she will start to move towards one of them, probably the eleven o'clock one and just scoop it up.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And does that act like it's like the thopters where it acts after your turn?
Olive/Timmit: Uh no, so it's act as my bonus action
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay
Olive/Timmit: Yeah so once the command is given the servant performs the task to the best of its ability, until it completes a task then waits for your next command. So, she'll just walk over and scoop it up and then wait for my next command.
Steven/Noah: So does she say, like, Margaret like *New York accent* “Okay, doll, no worries. I got you”?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s exactly her voice. she's gonna be like:
Tyrone/Maragaret: “Okay, but you owe me an extra apple and cinnamon muffin later.”
Olive/Timmit: “Yeah, absolutely I can find you a muffin.” And I'm just gonna look to everyone and be like, “Um, I'm sorry to interrupt. Does anyone know where we can get some muffins?”
Jorja/Magnolia: There is a giant octopus that just took my morning star. You think I give a fuck about muffins right now!?
Rosie/Lucille: Timid shut up.
Jorja/Magnolia: What the fuck are you even doing.
Rosie/Lucille: Get over here and fight young man!
Tyrone/MARGARET: You know those things are my absolute fave.
Olive/Timmit: Meanwhile he's still just in this half dance pose just like sifting and moving around and just having a good old time.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Moving on to Noah.
Steven/Noah: I still know nothing, but sure.
Jorja/Magnolia: All you know, as I said, ‘I think it's a puzzle.’
Steven/Noah: Oh, that's true. It might be a puzzle, all right. I'll go by that. At least someone's talking to me, other than you, know, ‘kill it!’ Um well. I guess I mean I've just seen it disarm Magnolia?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Correct
Steven/Noah: So that's pretty… it's pretty passive? I will do an investigation check. Because everyone else has.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The check of the day!
*Dice rolls*
Steven/Noah: I got a thirteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: With a thirteen. you're still on the outside of the circle, right?
Steven/Noah: Yes.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: With a thirteen you can see that Timmit has just picked up another statuette and you can kind of notice that there's the alcoves on the inside of the pillars.
Steven/Noah: Uh, I guess as a bonus action I'll just yell to Magnolia and be like, “Yeah I think it is a puzzle is it something to do with like the alcoves and the little, little people?”
Jorja/Magnolia: I'm just still looking at the trees. I'm like, “I think so…. Where’d it go?”
Steven/Noah: My thopters will will continue to buzz around their targets
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Can I control the thopters as well, like, or do I dictate what they do. Like you've said help Magnolia, do I then say how they help Magnolia?
Steven/Noah: I said defend.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Defend? I thought it was help.
Steven/Noah: So if they like go to get attacked I'm expecting them to lay down their life
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay I was gonna say that it gets the weapon out of the tree but it wasn't one of its commands.
Steven/Noah: No it was not. It only does what's programmed.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright, doing an end of round recap so we can figure out where everyone is. Rosie is behind number seven she was hiding but was then found. Magnolia is by the nine o'clock position on the inside and has been disarmed. The octopus is in the middle as always covered in ink. Timmit is five feet away from the six o'clock pillar and has done his unseen servant. And Noah is by…. Did you want to move? You want to stay by the five o'clock position?
Steven/Noah: Sure, I will hold my move.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Magnolia is still holding a bonus action as well to keep track of that. It is Lucille’s turn.
[Portal SFX]
THORN FILES PODCAST AD READ: Are you fond of mind bending mysteries and terrifying monsters? Come and listen to The Thorne Files Podcast. A Monster Of The Week, actual play podcast with new episodes coming out every other Friday. Set in 1952, four investigators find themselves entangled in the world full of malevolent forces seeking to destroy the world as we know it. Will they uncover the secrets in the darkness? And more importantly, will they survive to see the light?
[Portal SFX]
Rosie/Lucille: Alright, Lucille is straight up, is like, “What is wrong with you all? What do you mean it is a puzzle? Can you not see this massive beast in front of us that we need to destroy?” She's quite concerned about what's happening, like, she thinks these people are losing their mind. Like what kind of puzzle can you do to get rid of a giant octopus. So she realises she's in this alone. So she's going to-
Steven/Noah: I'd like I'd like to remind you to have a thopter friend - you're not alone.
Rosie/Lucille: All right. Apart from my dear thopter friend, who I love with all my heart. Lucille wants to deceive it. She wants to walk up to it and make it think that she's, you know, on its side. And she's gonna try and, like, walk up to it as if she isn't going to attack it. In like this calming, trying to calm it down way….. like she would a goat that's misbehaving.
Steven/Noah: Classic eight-legged goat.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What do we say this is a deception or a performance…?
Rosie/Lucille: I would definitely say deception
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, let’s go deception.
Rosie/Lucille: And so I'm like walking towards it too, like, and doing like calming soothing noises as I do it, you know, calming it down.
*Dice rolls*
Rosie/Lucille:Twenty-eight.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How the fuck do you have plus nine?
Rosie/Lucille: Lucille's all about that deception!
Jorja/Magnolia: I'm assuming it's the expertise. Yeah, so double proficiency
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh okay
Rosie/Lucille: For my bonus action can I try and stroke its tentacle ?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It seems like you're not going to attack it?
Rosie/Lucille: it's like when you're calming down a goat you walk up to it calmly you're like ‘shh it's okay’ and you make little noises and then you give it a little tentative stroke. Just to breach contact and it's like the start of the whole, the whole thing, octopus slimy goat.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You sure can. You are now stroking one.
Rosie/Lucille: Lucielle’s definitely going to turn back on this and attack it next turn.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: By the way yeah you've tried to intimidate it, then you've just tried to run and hide, and then hit it and now you're trying to be like no we're friends.
Rosie/Lucille: Yeah like a lot's happening at once and nobody else is helping me kill this thing so like I have to try different tactics. I don't know what puzzle they're talking about.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Magnolia, it's go.
Jorja/Magnolia:I'm just gonna look at my weapon in the tree and be like, “It could have hit me and it took my weapon. I don't think it wants to fight Lucille.”
Rosie/Lucille: “What do you mean!”
Jorja/Magnolia: You know what? Nevermind. I know when to give up on a lost cause. I'm gonna Circle the pillars still and not help Lucille. I'm just gonna- I don't know how far I can go, but I'm just gonna try to circle as much as I can.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can get around to the twelve o'clock position. On the way you will notice, with your lovely passive perception there's currently a floating statuette and there's another one sitting behind the twelve o'clock pillar.
Jorja/Magnolia: Knowing that there was an invisible octopus in here before, I'm just gonna slowly inch away from the floating one like this is you, “I don't know what's happening, but you you can have it. You can have my weapon. I'm just gonna go over here”, and I'm gonna go pick up the one that's on the ground.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: All right this one is- this seems to be an old fairy man with two young adult fairies with a training sword and a training shield.
Jorja/Magnolia: “I found another one of these things.I'm just gonna look for more I guess. Uh - it took my weapon.” And then can I use my action to Dash so I can use my movement again and get around to three.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: ‘Aight. You get around two or three. You shouldn't be able to see anything else, no. I don't think anyone else is around there either. I think Noah stopped at five and didn't keep going. You'll of course see the one in three that is sitting in there at the moment. Yeah that's it .
Jorja/Magnolia: “I found another one um there might be an order to it. I don’t know.“ Just stand here and look back at the tree at my weapon. I'll get you one day!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It's just now over by the nine o'clock position. Back to the octopus, currently being stroked by Rosie. Who else is there? It is going to… it's not going to attack Rosie because she's being very calm and deceitful.
Rosie/Lucille: Not deceitful…. loving!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So it's gonna- apologies, Magnolia, but it is going to attempt to grapple you. So you can make an acrobatics or a strength check.
*Dice rolls*
Jorja/Magnolia: I got a thirteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Ruh-roh Raggy! I've got a nineteen. You're going to feel one of the lovely tentacles wrap around your waist and lift you up in the air.
Jorja/Magnolia: Oh! No! I don't want- I don’t want this!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And with another tentacle another one is going to reach out to- reach out to Noah.
Steven/Noah: Fairly sure I'm outside the circle
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It's got long tentacles though. Just because the circle's that big, doesn't mean that's how big the octopus is!
Jorja/Magnolia: It's just been confined to this one circle this whole time.
Steven/Noah: Damn it.
Olive/Timmit: He is holding his movement… As an action, he could- could he not just… YEET!
*Laughter*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Wow, whose team are you on?
Olive/Timmit: I'll never tell.
Steven/Noah: Well I mean if I see a tentacle coming towards me yeah I'm gonna try and YEET away.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Let’s make that a dexterity save, please.
Steven/Noah: A dirty twenty.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, that's fair.
Steven/Noah: No grabbing the tiny tinkerer!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It is going to reach out to grab you. Where are you moving to with your movement now?
Steven/Noah: Probably just backwards.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Back towards six o'clock?
Steven/Noah: No, like, backwards. Like further out from the circle. Stepping sort of away from the tentacle.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I'm gonna say ten feet behind each of the other positions that aren't the six o'clock position there would be foliage. So there's about a ten foot radius around the outside of this courtyard.
Steven/Noah: Okay sure. So I guess towards three. If there's not enough room to move back.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There's ten back, but that's apart from that…
Steven/Noah: Well that's not very far though because I can’t move further than that.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah it's back in the net towards three. Just sort of standing on the edge just before the forest?
Steven/Noah: Yeah?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Smart, holding on to that movement until you needed it. Moving on to Timmit’s turn.
Olive/Timmit: Okay, so where exactly did you move to? You’re at three o'clock, and how far out are you?
Steven/Noah: About ten feet! I’m on foliage.
Olive/Timmit: Ten feet. Awesome. So how if I'm sitting at about ten feet before six o'clock how far would I need to move? Twenty feet ?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah I will say that.
Olive/Timmit: Okay cool so what I'll do is I'll run over to Noah, twenty feet, and I'll just half flipping in the air, kind of trying to avoid all the tentacles that are happening. I'll run over and I'll just come right up next to you, and I'll just come over and I'll be holding five of these statuettes, and I'll just look at you, and just kind of go, “Um I think I think you're right we need to put these statues somewhere but I don't know the order here. Here, just take three of these.” And I'll just put three into your arms. I'll give you the- the small fairy child with the wooden sword. I'll give you the soldier and the wife. and I'll also give you the cradle, and then I'll just place a hand on your shoulder and just say. “I need you to be quick. We have to- like this is ridiculous. I don’t know what the hell we're doing here, but we need to get the hell out because this thing's scaring the living shit out of me, please!”. And I'll cast Expeditious Retreat
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So what does that give you?
Olive/Timmit: Uh so when you cast a spell and then as a bonus action… Oh no. Nevermind. Sorry! It's a self spell. So that only works on me.
Steven/Noah: Take these statues, Goodbye!
Olive/Timmit: That's not what we wanted, Jimbo. Uh, oh well. I'll still cast it just on my selfies….. So that makes my movement eighty feet now.
Rosie/Lucille: You're a speedy boy! You're like Dash. If we're in The Incredibles, you'd be Dash.
Olive/Timmit: Speedy! So I still have sixty feet of movement and I will - You picked up the other statuette from the ground at twelve? Yeah?
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, Wait. So how many do you have?
Olive/Timmit: I have five so we're only missing the one, which is the one that Margaret is currently holding. Because we don't know what it is. But we have them all now. So you have one, you have three, I have two, Margaret has one and there's one in the alcove.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is Margaret still there?
Olive/Timmit: Margaret's still there, yeah. I will use my bonus action to ask her to move from where she is, fifteen feet around until she's at one o'clock. So from eleven to one.
Tyrone/MARGARET: Oh, yeah I was gonna pick up the other one but then some other woman came along and picked it up
Olive/Timmit: ”Thanks Margaret, you're a doll!”. And then I will use uh the rest of my movement to come up to Margaret and I'll take the statuette from her.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She's chewing some gum.
Steven/Noah: She’s, well like clickety clacking her like juicy nails against like the wall
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How long is she around for?
Olive/Timmit: For an hour or until I dispel it.
Tyrone/MARGARET: Yeah, here’s your little doll.
Olive/Timmit: What do I see?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It is just a uh just a fairy soldier by themselves, a full adult
Olive/Timmit: Holding what?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A sword and a shield.
Olive/Timmit: A sword and a shield?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.
Olive/Timmit: Once all the pieces are collected I'll turn around and timidness will shy away from Timmit and I'll just hold it up and be like, “I've got it! I've got the last piece. Okay now, we need to figure out where they go.” And I’ll look at the monster and just “Ahh! Oops!” That's my turn.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Bringing it to, Noah.
Steven/Noah: That's as clear as ink, sure.
Rosie/Lucille: Ink!
Steven/Noah: *laughter* Okay, well I've just been given a set of instructions. Love me some instructions.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think that makes it very clear for Noah I think Noah's like, ‘I have a clear goal of what I have to do I can now achieve it.’
Steven/Noah: Kind of! I was like I have three pieces, I don't know where they go. I have to figure out where they go, I guess- I guess for the first time I'll enter the circle, and look at what it is at position three. Because up until this point I haven't done that, yet.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah so position three is the young fairy adult with the training sword.
Steven/Noah: Then I'll look down at what I'm holding the couple, the young fairy with the sword in the cradle? Yeah I guess now I'll just yell to everyone and be like “Is it a life cycle? It looks like a life cycle, right?” and then I'm gonna use my bonus action to instruct, probably Honey Boo Boo to be like, “Hey can you take this one”, and I'll give her the young fairy with the sword like the training sword and tell her to put it in one o'clock.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Which takes Honey Boo Boo away from Lucille?
Steven/Noah: Uh no, from Magnolia. And then Honey Boo Boo does that.
Jorja/Magnolia: Which ones are pillars on the clock face?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh yes. Sorry. So it's twelve o'clock. So, picture like twelve, three, six and nine. And then there's other ones at 1:30. So halfway between those would be 1:30, 4:30, 7:30 and 10:30.
Steven/Noah: We've just been using numbers in between, I guess. We probably should be using like north south Northwest?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So uh your turn, Lucille.
Rosie/Lucille: Okay, so Lucille's obviously seen Magnolia get, like, pulled up by the tentacles. Right?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Correct.
Rosie/Lucille: Lucille's pretty horrified because this is Magnolia. Like it's Magnolia who's been pulled up in the air, and Lucille’s like, ‘oh my gosh, Magnolia could die!’ So she's going to abandon the tentacle she's stroking. And run around/fly as fast as her legs/wings can carry her and she's gonna get out her walking stick and she's gonna try and slice off the tentacle that's holding Magnolia.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Go for it.
*Dice rolls*
Rosie/Lucille: Nineteen?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll for damage.
*Dice rolls*
Rosie/Lucille: I got eleven and I'm also gonna do my sneak attack, fifteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hmmmm, you know what I'm a kind and benevolent DM and I will allow you to cut this tentacle off. But now you've pissed it off!
Rosie/Lucille: Yay! For my- for my little- my little- little bonus action I'm gonna, like, stroke Magnolia's face and be like: “Are you okay?”
Jorja/Magnolia: I just fell out of a tentacle, I'm like UHMM!
Steven/Noah: I really hope it's with the slime hand.
Rosie/Lucille: Oh it definitely is.
Jorja/Magnolia: I was already covered in ink and I'm just like “Oh… yes, thank you…”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Moving on to Magnolia.
Jorja/Magnolia: Cool. I definitely know what I'm doing.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You have been freed from your grapple, so that's a good thing
Jorja/Magnolia: I have a feeling I'm about to get killed though!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Should we give you a rundown of all the statues now that we have them all?
Olive/Timmit: Yeah, sure.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: We have:
Jorja/Magnolia: I’m just gonna yell out, “What do we have, because I got this one?”
Olive/Timmit: : I'll look over and just shout across, “Nine o'clock, nine o'clock!”
Jorja/Magnolia: “That- that wasn't my question? You've literally given us no information and they're just ordering us around?! I guess I'll do it. If you could just, like, I don't know, include us? That would be great.” And I'm just gonna run to nine o'clock and shove it in the hole.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Uh you would have been roughly at the three o'clock position because that's where he was holding you. It is sixty feet across so nine o'clock, but if you dash, I guess.
Jorja/Magnolia: If- if I just cut straight across? I'm not going to leave, like, the range of the octopus.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No, it's still roughly in the centre.
Jorja/Magnolia: So, I'll just Dash across.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You put it in the nine o'clock position. I think that brings it to the end of your turn?
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I'm going to hold my bonus action
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: When needed. Okay it brings it to the octopus's turn.
Jorja/Magnolia: Here is where it is needed.
Rosie/Lucille: This will be fun.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: First of all, you're all going to hear the voice in your head again:
Tyrone/ASTRONEPTIS: Good! Good! Continue as you are.
Steven/Noah: Good little mechanical thopter things!
Olive/Timmit: I'll just relate to the rest of the group now, just speaking out loud and just feeling a little more confident in myself. Just being like, “Um, I think, I think we're doing okay. Just ma'am, ma'am if you could just stop throwing things at it. Please?”
Rosie/Lucille: Me?! I'm not throwing. I cut off its tentacle if you weren't watching. While you’re doing your little puzzle! Me doing all of the work here!
Olive/Timmit: I really tried not to watch but… it didn't like that.
Rosie/Lucille: You need some cement in your stomach, young chap.
Olive/Timmit: That's not good for anyone!
Rosie/Lucille: Imagine Lucille’s yelling all this with the bloody tentacle like-
Steven/Noah: Covered in ink, slime and now blood.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And now it is going to…. Who is inside the circle right now? I know it's Magnolia.
Steven/Noah: I just went in there
Rosie/Lucille: Me
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Those on the inside, it is going to spin around. Like a lovely little video game octopus. where it spins all its tentacles around the interior of the circle.
Rosie/Lucille: it's just like the game at the carnivals we have to jump over the Rope but it's tentacles?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes, you have to make a dexterity safe to jump over it
Rosie/Lucille: Oh!
*Dice rolls*
Steven/Noah: Fourteen.
Rosie/Lucille: Twenty-one.
Jorja/Magnolia: Ten.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lucille, because you have wings you can just sort of hop up and sort of flutter about above the tentacles, but the other two have been hit by spinning tentacles, and you've been knocked prone.
Jorja/Magnolia: Could I have used my jump that I was holding?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hmm yeah. I'll give you that. I'll give you that.
Jorja/Magnolia: Oh yeah! I jump, like, ten feet in the air!
Olive/Timmit: Oh my God!
Jorja/Magnolia: My rabbit hop!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Like a cat that reacts to a cucumber
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I'm just like UHH!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, just Noah has been knocked prone. I'm sorry, I guess just means that you've got to use your movement to get up half your movement to get up I believe.
Steven/Noah: No! The little boy has fallen down!
Rosie/Lucille: Getting off, like, scot-free like, she's learning nothing!
Jorja/Magnolia: You're on four hit points, and indestructible.
Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, like nothing can ever go wrong.
Jorja/Magnolia: You are so gonna get killed.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That is its turn. So it goes to… so at this point, Timmit.
Olive/Timmit: My turn. So at this point, Timmit will look to everyone else and using his full eighty feet speed will just start to like almost shake with anticipation, and will start to kind of move around, and yell out to everyone, “Okay so I think I fully understand this now so- I- we've got eight pieces that need to go into all of these things here. Now I have an idea of how they need to go in, but I just want to make sure that we got it right before we put them all in. Okay so I'm thinking:
But I'm also thinking maybe the gravestone before the older fairy with the two kids? Because the mother might have died but, I don't know.”
Jorja/Magnolia: “I think sister might have died but I'm not sure….” in character I don't know all the things we have yeah.
Olive/Timmit: But both of the kids are still there I don't fucking know
Jorja/Magnolia: You didn't tell me what we have
Olive/Timmit: I don’t want to be doing this in combat but that's all we got!
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah you fucking shut up for three rounds, so you could have told us beforeHAND!
Olive/Timmit: I was doing other things I was getting all the pieces/
Rosie/Lucille: Oh my God! Children! Shut up!
Olive/Timmit: I'm here. I'm helping you!
Jorja/Magnolia: Just do whatever you want, because that's what you're doing and you didn't tell us what you have so we don't know if you're right or not.
Olive/Timmit: You guys dragged me into this. I'm not here because I want to be. Just help me, please.
Jorja/Magnolia: You didn't want to sleep in the dirt so we came in here and now you didn't tell us what you have. Run around and go put them where you want and we'll see if it works.
Olive/Timmit: I didn’t make you come in here, I was the last one to come in here. You all went in here and I followed you! You told me to follow you and now I'm here.
Rosie/Lucille: Did we tell you the universal did you just kind of tag along and now you're here?
Olive/Timmit: *Squeal!* I'm gonna start moving around and I will take the gravestone and put that at 10:30.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That's sixty feet at least
Olive/Timmit: Okay so that's sixty feet of my movement. I still have twenty and then I'll move to….
Steven/Noah: Also I feel like while everyone was getting really heated, and like you know emotional, Noah’s just like deadpan. Whatever.
Jorja/Magnolia: On the ground.
Steven/Noah: He’s so apathetic.
Olive/Timmit: I'll use the rest of my movement to get to nine o'clock and then that'll be my turn done.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You've got Margaret, if you're doing anything with Margaret.
Olive/Timmit: I can only move her fifteen feet.
Tyrone/MARGARET: So she’s just gonna be like “What am I to you? Chopped liver?”
Olive/Timmit: I’ll just be like “Behave if you want a muffin!”
Steven/Noah: I just love the perfect Recreation of your assistant down to sassing you back. Like you're in full control of her and you're like nope she would sass me
Olive/Timmit: It's what I need
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Moving down to Noah.
Steven/Noah: I'm gonna stand up and just sort of rub my behind a little bit as you would and any sort of show or comedic purpose. So half of my movement, I was told, was used to stand up on my tiny little legs, and then I guess I'm going to walk halfway towards, uh, position 1:30. Because I'm assuming I'm going to get about halfway. That's where Honey Boo Boo is waiting for me. So then I will command her- I'll ask her- I'll ask her politely to come to me, and take the cradle, and put it in position at twelve o'clock. And then I will hold my bonus action, and then Beeyonce will continue to buzz around and Honey Boo Boo will come and grab the cradle from me and put it in twelve o'clock.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lovely. Lucille?
Rosie/Lucille: So, Lucille's like flown up so she's got a pretty good bird's eye view at the moment. So I wanna roll a perception to see if I see what they're doing, because I've been ignoring all of this. I've just- Lucille's just been like, ‘I need to kill this creature. I don't know what the fuck they're doing but they're not helping’, so she's gonna finally have a moment of “Where are they?”
Steven/Noah: Oh we know. In case you were wondering, we know.
*Dice rolls*
Rosie/Lucille: I got six?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, uh all you can see is this big octopus and all these people just like walking around doing their own thing and you're like ‘Why?’
Rosie/Lucille: Oh Lucille is ANGRY. Like these people- I am carrying the team and they're just wandering about with their little toys. As Rosie, I am sad to say but Lucille is going to attack.
*laughter*
Jorja/Magnolia: Yes! Yes!
Rosie/Lucille: Jorja loves it. Another throwing star! No I lie. She's gonna use her short bow from the air ,and she's gonna shoot down on try and shoot down onto its head?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Just roll for it, just roll the attack.
*Dice rolls*
Rosie/Lucille: I got twenty-two.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That will hit it. Roll for damage.
*Dice rolls*
Rosie/Lucille: Five
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lovely? Anything else?
Rosie/Lucille: No, Lucille's pretty angry. She doesn't want to really say anything which is, like, it's kind of pointless talking to these people they're just ignoring me. And bonus action…. No, she's just- she's just shooting.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nice. Magnolia?
Jorja/Magnolia: Well, I got nothing in my hands. How far away is my morning star?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It's ten feet away, because it's just on the border of that. Yep.
Jorja/Magnolia: How high up is it?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How big is a tree? Let’s say it is a big tree. ten feet?
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah perfect. I'm just gonna waddle over there. Use my bonus action to bunny hop grab my morning star out of the tree. I'm gonna not stand in the circle. I'm gonna stand, just on the outside of the circle. I've learned my lesson. It takes me six hits but eventually I learn. And then I don't want to hurt it, because it hasn't hurt me. It's just Lucille pissing it off,
Steven/Noah: It just gave you a big hug !
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah a cuddle! I don't have any statues. I'm just gonna stand just outside of the nine o'clock position and be like, “I hope you got it!. I'm just gonna stand here. Well, good luck!” I'm just gonna like, kick my feet back.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hot girl shit. I’m gonna make its turn, and you know what? It's gonna straight up look at Rosie because Rosie's the only one that's done any damage to it, and cut off one of its tentacles which is fucked. Up
Rosie/Lucille: I mean I was saving Magnolia.
Jorja/Magnolia: I could have girlbossed my way out.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Then it’s gonna make an attack roll. That's not looking great, it's uh eleven for the first hit. It's then going to use its bonus action to do a Flurry of Blows.
Jorja/Magnolia: Oh my God! It's a monk octopus!
Olive/Timmit: Of course it is! It has eight arms. You have to take that opportunity!
Steven/Noah: Currently it has seven.
*laughter*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah okay, so it's first one it rolled a one. You know what? it's got to do the damage to itself. I always do that.
Steven/Noah: What a silly cephalopod.
*Dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: This is six damage
Rosie/Lucille: Again Lucille is getting no repercussions like this is she's.
Jorja/Magnolia: Wait for the second hit!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You see as it is trying and lash out and sort of whiplashes back and like whips itself in the face instead.
Rosie/Lucille: Dumb octopus!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Um and then the second one's a seventeen.
Jorja/Magnolia: That does hit her.
Rosie/Lucille: Yeah I know that it hits me
Steven/Noah: Wait because she's got a thopter, right? Didn’t the thopter jump in front of the attack? Using, like, a Dex or something?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah! Just use its reaction to jump in the way.
Steven/Noah: Jump in the way it can take the damage
Rosie/Lucille: Wait! I have a bonus action I didn’t use.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Save that! You’ve got a thopter jumping in the way it seems. Jumps in front. Takes the damage for Lucille.
*Dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: [Honey BooBoo] takes five
Rosie/Lucille: Oh yay. Thank you, bee.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It'll be fine for this fight. I reckon for the future we're gonna have to say that it jumps in front before it's the result is declared even if that's every time you have to do that.
Steven/Noah: I completely forgot to be honest. I was like oh no she's dying wait where are my thopters?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It's all good, so Beeyonce’s taken five damage
Steven/Noah: Beeyonce takes five.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Timmits turn
Steven/Noah: Oh wait, I have a bonus action yeah? Because I saved mine .
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: yeah
Steven/Noah: Yeah, can I use it to instruct Honey Boo Boo to use Mending on Beeyonce?
Jorja/Magnolia: I do think Mending takes a minute to cast.
Steven/Noah: Oh it does I have a casting time here that says one minute. Sure I'll do that.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You're gonna keep it doing that. So it's going to head over to Honey Boo - sorry to Beeyonce - and start its work. Compartment comes out it's got,,,
Steven/Noah: Like a little um a little soldering iron!
Jorja/Magnolia: It gets a little mask out!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Uh as you were Timmit.
Olive/Timmit: Okay, so yes Timmit will use eighty feet of movement to race around from nine o'clock down to… I'll move down to 7:30, and I'll put in the couple with two kids and with the- that are holding the sword in the shield. And then move across to 4:30, and at 4:30 I will place the fairy soldier with the sword and shield. And I will hopefully use whatever movement I have left to kind of take a few steps back. And just hold the gavel and hold the Produce Flame, which is still alight because it lasts for ten minutes.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: you've got: Comprehend Languages, Produce Flame and Blade Song happening while also the Unseen Servant? Fuck!
Olive/Timmit: The only concentration spell I have on right now is Expeditious Retreat.
Steven/Noah: And that's why you didn't get a thopter
Olive/Timmit: Valid
Steven/Noah: Also I ran out
Jorja/Magnolia: Also you're new here, and you don't get any of the benefits. You yeah you need to prove yourself.
Olive/Timmit: I provide the benefits.
*Laughter*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: End of your turn?
Olive/Timmit: I will end it there yes.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Noah
Steven/Noah: Hi. Just to uh just a recap because I have not been paying attention. Um how many spots are still left? Two? One.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Six o'clock
Steven/Noah: Ah, we figured it out! Oh, wait. I'm not gonna be able to get there. I only have little legs. How far is it from 1:30 to six - by like fifty feet?
Olive/Timmit: You could use your main action to dash
Steven/Noah: Oh um yeah, sure let's do that I'll run and then Dash and run again and get to six o'clock, and put this little statue that I have in my hand in the little little hole. Which is the first one that I've actually done myself.
Rosie/Lucille: Hey, at least you did one!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: With that. The insignia on the courtyard will begin glowing. Like streams of light come up from the inscription marks in like a nice blue - a nice blue white light is shining. It is Lucille’s go unless the thopters are doing something.
Steven/Noah: No they're going to continue to heal and be healed.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lucille.
Rosie/Lucille: So then Lucille's still flying above it at this point, right? She's going to fly in front of it and land facing it, and at this point she's kind of like, look she's trying to hit it so many times it's not getting weaker. No one's helping so she wants to yell at it to go away. She's gonna stand in front of it and just be like, “What are you doing here?! What do you want?! Get out of here!” and like, point her walking stick at it. And she's imagining this is the worst goat that. It is the bully on the farm that just picks on all of the little ones so she has to send it to the back. So she's pointing at this thing and she's like, “Get out of here, you nuisance!” So she's gonna intimidate.
*Dice rolls*
Rosie/Lucille: Twelve. I rolled a three, by the way.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh my god. Okay. Anything else you'd like to do?
Rosie/Lucille: I'm also just gonna have a little look around to see where - kind of like clock where the others are?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep so octopus is in the middle. Uh Noah's at six o'clock. TImmit is at 4:30, and Magnolia is by nine o'clock. And then it brings it to Magnolia's turn
Rosie/Lucille: Okay cool! Wait, did I intimidate it?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You don't know until it's its turn.
Rosie/Lucille: Ohh!
Jorja/Magnolia: So like something happened. Cool. I am going to… I'll just walk into the circle and stand in front of nine and hold my attack for any octopus shenanigans.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Holding everything else?
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah I mean there's it's not really the point in me moving to anyone. Lucille's somewhere, I don't know, I don't want to move closer to him. Maybe I'll move closer to Noah. I'll move to like 7:30, within the circle and hold my attack
Steven/Noah: Hey girl
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is everyone inside the circle?
Rosie/Lucille: I'm always in the circle
Steven/Noah: I'm still in the circle.
Olive/Timmit: Uh no I tried to move out of it.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You will hear the voice in your head again, simply saying:
Tyrone/ASTRONEPTIS: Step into the ring.
Steven/Noah: I think it's mad should we leave?
Jorja/Magnolia: It's making sounds again??
Olive/Timmit: Everyone dip! dip!
Steven/Noah: We should leave right!
Jorja/Magnolia: Quick step out of the circle!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s going to hold everything else, which makes it Timmit’s go.
Olive/Timmit: Can I make an Insight check against the voice?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah!
Olive/Timmit: I want to see if this is a trap.
*Dice rolls*
Olive/Timmit: Oh! Uh that is a twelve?
Steven/Noah: Making an insight check against a voice in your head?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah it's legit. It is going to be very helpful .
Olive/Timmit: I will um. I will release the Unseen Servants.
Tyrone/margaret: Yeah, goodbye. I'll see you again tomorrow.
Olive/Timmit: Thanks Margaret. I appreciate all your help today, I'll be sure to find you your muffin.
Tyrone/Margaret: You better!
Olive/Timmit: And then I will take a few steps into the circle and as I do I will release Expeditious Retreat as well.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: First of all, everyone in the circle will fully heal. In this light of the ring. You'll find yourself with any boons that you get from a full rest.
Olive/Timmit: So we take a full rest?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, without needing to rest.
Jorja/Magnolia: I wasn't down any hit points!
Rosie/Lucille: No repercussions! *singsong voice*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And you find the energy pulsating from this gavel upon entering the ring has extended to the full circumference of the ring, and everyone else can find themselves under the influence of Comprehend Languages. Then you'll hear the octopus's voice…
Steven/Noah: Uhm… septopus. Technically a septopus.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It does heal.
Steven/Noah: He's an octopus again!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You hear the octopus's voice for the first time. everyone else, as it says:
Tyrone/ASTRONEPTIS: You have proved yourselves worthy.
Steven/Noah: What?
Jorja/Magnolia: The fuck?! Huh
Rosie/Lucille: Guys I did it!
*Olive sigh*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The light will start growing brighter and brighter and brighter, until it is blinding. And when your vision comes back the octopus is gone.
[Music]
Jorja/Magnolia: Lucille, did you hit it again?
Rosie/Lucille: I yelled at it! And it ran away.
Olive/Timmit: I- I think we just might have accidentally went into its bedroom? and it didn't want us there anymore? Maybe? I don't know what this is.
Rosie/Lucille: Why would this be its bedroom?
Olive/Timmit: I'll uh, I'll take a look around and see if I can still see the agora.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The agora is definitely still around. In the centre of the circle where it was, is a little marble.
Jorja/Magnolia: Yoink. Uh I could grab it?
Steven/Noah: Yoink
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It's very beautiful. It has the sort of colour of sunlight coming through the ocean.
Jorja/Magnolia: Does it feel magical?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I won't even make you roll for anything you can feel the magical properties coming off of this little…
Steven/Noah: Noah's eyes widened just a little bit
Jorja/Magnolia: I hold it above my head like, with your little brother: ‘No! No!’
Steven/Noah: Tool out of his pocket, he’s like “I can see its wings! I've just gotta make them….let me!”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Everyone make me a perception
*Dice rolls*
Rosie/Lucille: Twenty-one.
Olive/Timmit: That's another twelve.
Steven/Noah: Nine! I'm just focused on that orb.
Jorja/Magnolia: Bruh, nineteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Regardless you will all see that the mist has vanished from Neptis. Those up to a fifteen, you will hear the conch that woke up three out of four of you. You'll hear the…
*conch SFX*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Not familiar to Timmit, but the rest of you. With the nineteen and the twenty-one you will see something far off in the distance, like a day's hike still. Kind of looks like there's a skyscraper over there in yay-off?
Jorja/Magnolia: Do you guys see- see that? Just over there?
Steven/Noah: It's pretty…
Olive/Timmit: I'm more curious about what that is- is that…. What you said before. The- the essence?
Jorja/Magnolia: I'm assuming so. Yes. Don't look at it!
Olive/Timmit: It's really pretty…
Jorja/Magnolia: God everyone's turning into Gollum
Steven/Noah: I was Gollum all along. Oh my god I AM a hobbit! Sorry, continue.
Jorja/Magnolia: Okay look away from the pretty thing. There's a- there's a building over there.
Olive/Timmit: A building?
Steven/Noah: What!?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’lll hear some rustling in the nearby nearby grass.
Steven/Noah: Can I send a thopter? *Laughter*
Olive/Timmit: I'll bring Produce Flame back up, and just let it sit in my hand. Just watching. Waiting.
Jorja/Magnolia: “Who is it? What is it?” Ugh, I’ll just go over.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Honey Boo Boo and Beeyonce will bring back from the grass - Parav! Parav has emerged, with some wind chimes attached to his back .
Rosie/Lucille: The bloody wind chimes again.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And we'll cut it there all, right
Theme Song: *rock music starts and is cut off*
Rosie/Lucille: Before we finish sorry I want to get my throwing star back… Can I or is it on the octopus
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can get your throwing stuff.
Rosie/Lucille: Yay! And my arrow?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.
Rosie/Lucille: Yes, thank you.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I was definitely gonna make you forget like if you forgot it you were not gonna get it.
Rosie/Lucille: That's why I had to jump in at the last minute! Like, because it's been on my mind! I've been trying to find the right moment to be like yeah, Lucille still wants to get it!
Theme Song: *rock music plays*
Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Thank you so much for listening to Portal Quandary. Portal Quandary is made possible by the following people: Myself, Tyrone Cross as Dungeon Master, Community Manager, and Editor, Steven Edwards as Noah, Olive Jerome as Timothy and the assistant editor, Rosemary Ochtman as Lucille, and Jorja Odd as Magnolia. Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant, and Jemma Law is our transcriber. The theme song is Belly of the Beast by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas, and if you need to contact us you can do so at portalquandary@gmail.com. You can find us on a lotta social media including our newly launched Patreon. So we are on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and now Patreon. All of which are PORTAL QUANDARY. We hope to see you there! This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people, and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, Bunwurrung, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past, present and leaders.
Theme Song: *rock music plays*
Finding home in the belly of the beast, (in the belly of the beast), to make it home we can’t accept defeat, (there’s no turning back) so roll the dice and come along
Jorja/Magnolia: -at the end can you make a Supercut of me being like: “No. Rosie, it's here”.
[Drum roll]
Rosie/Lucille: I ask this every time but what do I add?
Jorja/Magnolia: Scroll up. Initiative.
Rosie/Lucille: Why is there two different dexterities?
Olive/Timmit: One is a saving through and the other is your actual score
Rosie/Lucille: What do I add?
Jorja/Magnolia: So, your throwing stars plus four. Okay, so you get to do this damage and then you also get to do your sneak attack which is an extra D6- nope that was a d8. You can just move thirty feet in a turn. You can go up as much as you want but only in one turn you move thirty feet, later.
Olive/Timmit: Could we make a cacophony of just noises for the, yeah.
*Cacophony of wet mouth noises*
Steven/Noah: Have fun listening to that several times over.
Jorja/Magnolia: I didn't realise what your last name was!
Rosie/Lucille: Lucille Von Goat!
*Laughter*
Rosie/Lucille: Oh, I'm still recording. Wait, how do I stop?!