Episode 7: Theran

The team returns to Lambence and convenes with Cleary to resupply before their next outing. Magnolia investigates the mysterious aetherbloom and comes to a concerning conclusion, while Timmit gets a crash-course in magical schooling. Noah makes a new friend, and Lucille comes to the King with a proposal.

Content warnings for this week’s episode include coarse language and suggestive language.

Find us on Instagram

Follow us on TikTok

Like us on Facebook

Follow us on Threads

Dungeon Master, Community Manager, and Editing is Tyrone Cross      

Noah is Steven Edwards

Timothy and Editing Assistant is Olive Jerome

Lucille is Rosemary Ochtman

Magnolia is Jorja Odd

Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant

Jemma Law is our Transcriber

Theme song is “Belly of The Beast” by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas (@lilyharnath & @henrylucas5)

Email us at portalquandary@gmail.com 

Sound effects used in this episode include:

Dark Teleport - oldestmillenial 

intro_snow4 - levelclearer

dawn120008883 - levelclearer

Beating Wings - juskiddink

Opening Chest - SJLeilani

Nostromo17 - levelclearer

JamesportWindChimes.wav - acclivity

Synthetic Chipring - owdeo

Fire - mmutua

Beating Wings - juskiddink

This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, Bunerong, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders. 

The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased) is intended or should be inferred.

Transcript

Steven/Noah: Portal Quandary has some content warnings. You can check them out in the episode description.

[Music]

Tyrone/Dungeon Master:  In the humid tangle of foliage that crowns Neptis, something like a bird song echoes through an empty round structure encircled with pillars. A feathered Exos is its only inhabitant. Elsewhere through brush and the soft constant glow of lanterns, strung high on trees. The beginning of a building is forming. The fairy in charge gathers a wealth of plants from the areas. These to try, those to boil, that to crush. Already, the new apothecary is well stocked. Basil gathers a bundle of supplies and sends them along the route back to Lambence. Wind chimes ringing in the courier's ears the whole way through. Lambence, always a hub of activity in one form or another, settles into its new space. The process of Moving Day is so well rehearsed that already its people are lulling back into a sense of normalcy. Even as scouts still secure their new holds out in regions yet to be utilised. As Oberon oversees a flurry of activities that span out from the city and all directions, Cleary revisits diagrams signed with a small ‘k’ and mulls over the situation at hand. Further afield, over hot sweeping dunes and whirling dust devils, a group of scouts toils, their tasks far from over. Even further again, where no fairy has treadfoot or graced wing, something cold beneath the sunbaked sands of Theran. It is ready.

Theme Song: *rock music plays*

Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I am Tyrone. Your Dungeon Master, here to give a quick thank you to everyone for supporting us all. Thank you to everyone for supporting us all the way up to episode seven and possibly even asking you to support us a little bit more if I can pique your interest. Here today to give a quick talk about our Patreon that we’ve just launched. So let me talk about some awesome things that you can get in our Patreon, which I think the most important thing, the most awesome thing you can get, is these bonus episodes of a game called The Quiet Year that we’ve been playing. If you don’t know what The Quiet Year is, that’s a map making game where you draw cards and collectively draw a map together based on the prompts. So we’re playing that, based on the early days of the settlers of Lambence, the Wayfarers’ City and learning about how they first made the city, made it in the land. Some other things we’ve got on here - we’ve got ad free episodes since we started introducing ads. We’ve got shoutouts in the credits for everyone. We’ve got our character sheets and monster sheets. I think that one is pretty exciting. So, if you want to read along the character sheets as you listen to see what everyone has up their sleeves, or maybe you want to run a monster yourself in your own game, you can do that. You can steal the stat blocks off of us. Up at the higher tiers as well, we’ve also got things like early access, so you can get it between one and four weeks early. We’ve already got episode eight up on Patreon already, so if you join up at a high levels you can access that. Where can you find this awesome stuff? You can find it at Patreon.com/PortalQuandary. Also, if you’re not already, follow us on Instagram. That’s PortalQuandary, again. Same with Facebook. We’ve got a Facebook! We’ve also got a TikTok now if you like TikTok, PortalQuandary is there. I’m doing my darndest to learn how to make TikTok content. So I won’t take up anymore of your time though. Please enjoy episode seven.

[Music]

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And welcome back to Episode seven of Portal Quandary:Prophis and get ready to get some loot at the shops! Alright, so. The vendors aren’t quite as frantic as they were on Moving Day. Not that Timmit saw it. Yeah, there’s a whole level dedicated to commerce, I suppose. Like there’s different layers for different things, like residential, education, commercial.

Rosie/Lucille: Oh! It’s like the thing in Pokemon with the big thing where you go into an elevator!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The department store?

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, that one.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I guess it is.

Olive/Timmit: I’d like to bring it up again at this point, are there signs and is there writing around in this area? And- are- Is it in a different language?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think it will be a pretty fifty/fifty split of common and sylvan writing. So I think that’s Noah that can’t read Sylvan? What languages do you know, Rosie? 

Rosie/Lucille: Celestial, Common and Thieves Cant.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah. So, no. Noah and Lucille can’t read it.

Rosie/Lucille: No! But I’m a fairy!

Olive/Timmit: I told you should have picked Silvan! And you were like, ‘No, what if I want to talk to angels?’ And I was like, ‘Okay.’

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah. So there’s a bunch of stores ranging from weapons, armour, trinkets and clothes stores. Stores with random little items.

Tyrone/Cleary: Alright, run loose little kids. I’ll see you in half-ah.

Steven/Noah: Wait! How do we pay for things?

Olive/Timmit: Yeah I don’t know. I’m all out of money. I left my wallet in-in the- in my- in my other briefcase, that I don’t have.

Jorja/Magnolia: I have my wallet. But I don’t think you take our world’s money?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: OK. Let me accompany you. I’m sure I can talk them over. I’m sure you can get a little something for yourselves.

Olive/Timmit: Will we get advantage on persuasion checks with her around?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s more that she might pay for you, or she might persuade them.

Tyrone/Cleary: What do you think you need for the next one? If you think that you need to prepare better, what do you want?

Steven/Noah: Noah is going to remember his Link’s sword and just be like, ‘I feel like I need my sword back. But I want a better one. And I remember it charged with electricity. So I want a sword that is like electricity. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Cleary is going to saddle up next to a vendor and say:

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Bucko here wants a sword. He wants a lighting sword. You got one of those on hand?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: All of you see her in the distance with the vendor, like, weighing up a few different swords. Like, ‘Hmmm. He’s weak, so…’

Steven/Noah: I may be weak. But I’m smart, and that’s all I need to be!

Jorja/Magnolia: I may be weak, but at least I’m not strong!

Steven/Noah: Exactly! *gag noise*. I can use my intelligent modifier to swing weapons. I don’t have to be strong. I’m just smart. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’ll come back with a sword that surprisingly looks a lot like the master sword, but where- in the middle of the Triforce is a little sapphire. 

Steven/Noah: Link is going to pause before he takes it and just be like, *sings the Legend of Zelda ‘Get Item’ sound effect*

Jorja/Magnolia: I like that you said ‘Link is going to pause’ and not Noah?

Steven/Noah: Oh my god. did!

*Laughter*

Tyrone/Cleary: What is he? What is he doing?

Olive/Timmit: A bit. 

Steven/Noah: He’s doing- He’s doing a meme.

Olive/Timmit: In our universe it’s what we call a little joke.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay it must be an inside joke that I don’t get. Is this what you want, bucko?

Steven/Noah: He’s gonna, like, swing it a little bit.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You see, like, electricity sparkle up it. Sparkle? SPARK up it. 

Steven/Noah: Bit of glitter up it!

ALL: *laughter*

Steven/Noah: Wait. Just to clarify, this is a magical sword, right?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.

Steven/Noah: Excellent

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Ok, so it does 1d8 slashing damage and 1d6 lighting damage. Yeah, it’s a long sword. So, 1d8 slashing damage plus 1d6 electricity damage.

Steven/Noah: Stunning!

Tyrone/Cleary: Alright, who’s next?

Jorja/Magnolia: I… I have a feeling that I’m going to be grabbing a lot of things. So I just want, like a big- lots of pockets, or like a big pocket, or just like a bag that I can put a bunch of stuff in, that’s safe.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You see this big grin come up on her face. She’s like:

Tyrone/Cleary: I know exactly what you need. I know a guy.

Jorja/Magnolia: I trust you.

Tyrone/Cleary: I’ve got one myself, back in the- back in the lab.

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, we could match!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She is going to go up to a guy that looks like someone who sells backpacks, bags of any sort, just potato sacks, anything. Just a bag dealer. Anything you want this bag to look like?

Jorja/Magnolia: Oooh! Could it look like, when it’s closed, a flower that hasn’t bloomed yet? Like with petals going inwards?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah. So she comes back. She’s like, looking at a few different bags. She’s like, she turns around, looks you up and down - tries to gauge your vibe. She comes back with this, this bag, that looks like an unbloomed flower. A magnolia, I want to say.

Jorja/Magnolia: “This is so cute! I love it.” I open it and I go to like, see how many pockets there are and put my hand in it.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You put your hand in to feel for pockets and you can’t feel the pockets, but you’re also trying to find the bottom and then you can’t find the bottom.

Jorja/Magnolia: With my arm in it and I’m like, “Whoa, this is so cool.” 

Tyrone/Cleary: It’s neat, isn’t it? You don’t have to worry about, like, running out of space again. You can put as many things as you want in it.

Jorja/Magnolia: “Oh my god! I’m putting everything in it.” You know, when you buy a new wallet and you have to change everything over, I have to shove everything in there.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Putting in like, your Medicare card and everything.

Jorja/Magnolia: Literally. I still have my actual real wallet.

Olive/Timmit: You just empty the whole wallet and throw all the cards in there individually, so you can be like, I only need my Medicare Card. Yoink!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You won’t be needing any of these for a while.

Tyrone/Cleary: Alright. Alright. We’ve got places to be. Experiments to do. What else do people want?

Rosie/Lucille: Oh! Oh! Lucille would like a coat made out of goat fur with lots of pockets.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Would you like this coat to do anything mechanically?

Rosie/Lucille: No, no. I’m just missing my goats. I want a little reminder of the goats and, you know, pockets are handy. So that’s about it.

Tyrone/Cleary: Well, you do know that we don’t have goats here, right? 

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, but you’re magic.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is it a long coat? Is it like… Does it go to your ankles? To your waist?

Rosie/Lucille: It goes to behind my knees like a trench coat. But, you know, goat fur. A trench goat, if you will.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So Cleary’s gonna go, disappear at the shop for a while. She’s going to go pick out, in the clothes store. She’s going to look for a good while to figure out the taste, like I don’t know what a goat is, but I’ll try my fucking best. She’s going to come back with this long, furry trench coat.

Tyrone/Cleary: Okay Parav gave me the run down that you kind of got a bit fucked up while you were out there. Something about an anglerfish almost killing you, so this coat is going to help you a little bit.It’s going to help you escape danger a little bit.

Rosie/Lucille: Oh! Did the king send this?

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m standing behind her just nodding. 

Tyrone/Cleary: Yess? And he spun it himself.

Rosie/Lucille: Oh! Oh, goodie. And it’s goat? It's goat, right?

Tyrone/Cleary: Yesss

Rosie/Lucille: What was the name of the goat?

Tyrone/Cleary: O-O-Oberon?

All: [laughter]

Rosie/Lucille: Obra. What a good name for a goat. I’ll wear this with pride. Tell the king I thank him.

Jorja/Magnolia: Magnolia scribbles out the note she was trying to write really big that just said ‘Clive’.

Olive/Timmit: I was just going to say - Could I make an insight check on Lucille? Against just her infatuation with the king? Like he’s heard it a few times. He wants to know what’s the deal?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll an insight. Rosie? Is this something you’re probably not trying to hide at all?

Rosie/Lucille: No, I love the king well. Lucille loves the king.

*Dice rolls*

Olive/Timmit: That’s a fourteen..

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You put two and two together that they were talking about a very attractive fellow in the castle, and that, you know, you’re obsessed with the king. So the king’s hot stuff.

Olive/Timmit: Good to know.

Tyrone/Cleary: Alright. There’s only so many vendors I can do. You got one more, that’s up for you T-Timmit. Timmit?

Olive/Timmit: Timmit or, or Timothy. But Timmit, it’s good.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright, Timmit, what do you want?

Olive/Timmit: I can get whatever I like?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Well, like, don’t get anything too fancy. I don’t have a silver tongue, but I’m pretty good.

Olive/Timmit: “Okay.. Okay. Well, I was just thinking…” And he’ll kind of look around for a moment, and then he’ll just, “I’m kind of new and I want to try to fit in a bit more. So I was thinking of something that could be really, really cool and beneficial. So, that, like, I’ve become a really nice, hard, like core-unit of the team and everyone can really respect me and appreciate me.” And then he’ll cast Gift of Gab using his last second level spell slot. And take all that back and then instead he will say, “I just want something that’s actually going to be able to beneficially be able to cure people of ailments and wounds if we are in a fight.” 

Tyrone/Cleary: That’s a good idea, especially Lucille. She’s at the front and she’s the… 

Olive/Timmit: I don’t mean this disrespectfully, Lucille, but I do believe that this would help you the most. I mean you are just so headstrong that if I have something that can benefit the whole team with a little bit of something extra then you won’t need to worry as much. 

Rosie/Lucille: You’re right I do carry the team. Thank you.

Tyrone/Cleary: Alright,  maybe the healers have got something. Let me. I’ll come back. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She comes back with a little wooden ring that has little vines wrapping in around it. And it’s got a tiny little rose on it.

Olive/Timmit: It’s cute!

Tyrone/Cleary: Yeah, I put this on just and think the word and it’ll heal you up. But you need to let the flower regrow afterwards, so…

Olive/Timmit: So what’s the word?

Tyrone/Cleary: Muffins. Apple, cinnamon muffin.

Olive/Timmit: That’s not a word. But I’ll take muffins. Speaking of muffins, actually, I was also hoping that maybe you could help me with something else.

Tyrone/Cleary: What?

Olive/Timmit: I need some muffins. It’s a long story. Even one muffin will do. I mean, I need it to be an apple cinnamon muffin, specifically. 

Tyrone/Cleary: Let me go talk to the food vendors. I’ll just get us all lunch anyway. Whatever.

Olive/Timmit: Okay. Yeah. No. Yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, she’ll come back with five muffins that are almost cake-sized. Hamburger-sized. You need two hands to eat this muffin.

Olive/Timmit: I mean, yikes! Thank you. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll me- Wait you aren’t going to eat it, are you? 

Olive/Timmit: No, I’m not eating. They’re not for me. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You got to hope that it’s apple cinnamon.

Olive/Timmit: Then I’m going to take a little…

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There’s five. There’s five of them, so you can have your own.

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh hell yeah!

Olive/Timmit: I’ll share one around to the people. Give one to Magnolia and one to, uh, Lucille and then one to Noah.

Rosie/Lucille: Why do you sound like a kindergarten teacher, like handing out little treats to everyone?

Jorja/Magnolia: I eat it!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Timmit… Just roll me a flat twenty.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Timmit: Sixteen!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s basically an apple cinnamon muffin. You know, it doesn’t. I don’t know. There’s something a little bit off about it, but it’s an apple and cinnamon muffin for all intents and purposes.

Olive/Timmit: Holding onto the two additional muffins and being two hand muffins trying to balance them. Timmit will subconsciously cast Unseen Servant next to him and Margaret will reflexively reach forward to take the spare muffin from Timmit’s hands. 

Tyrone/Margaret: You got me an apple and cinnamon muffin.

Olive/Timmit: “Oh, hello, dear. Yes, of course I did. I did promise you, didn’t I?” And also, by the way, no one else can see. But Timmit will have said that out, like, out loud to- 

Steven/Noah: To a levitating muffin?

Olive/Timmit: Yes.

Steven/Noah: Stunning. More notes. Just scribbles. Just like, ‘god, he’s fucking insane.’ 

Jorja/Magnolia: One of my notes is that Timmit is a teachers’ pet.

Tyrone/Margaret: Alright call me again when you need to. Alright.

Olive/Timmit: Oh, just if anything - just following me for the next hour or so. And if I need your assistance, I’ll be sure to call for you. 

Tyrone/Margaret: Alright, but this sort of outside the office, so I can’t stay away from the office desk for too long. 

Olive/Timmit: We’ll make a time of it.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Cleary’s like:

Tyrone/Cleary: I don’t know what’s going on there, but Magnolia and I have got an experiment to get to, so you’re free to go. You know where the castle is. They know who you are. Goodbye.

Olive/Timmit: Okay bye! So, Noah, you want to hang out?

Steven/Noah: I feel like- I feel like Noah’s just going to just stare at Timmit. Look down at his notes and then just turn around and walk away.

Olive/Timmit: So, Lucille, I guess that just leaves you and me then.

Rosie/Lucille: Lucille is stroking her goat coat with her eyes closed. She’s trying to block out any outside noise.

Olive/Timmit: On second thought. Maybe I’ll just meet up with you guys a little later than. Yeah, that’s probably better. Yeah, I’ll just…

Jorja/Magnolia: As Cleary and I are walking away, I’ll just turn around and look at Timmit and be like: Oh, Timmit! Actually, can you come?

Olive/Timmit: You want me?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah I need your help

Olive/Timmit: I actually, I was going to kind of…. Umm, sure alright. OK.

Jorja/Magnolia: It’ll be quick. It’ll be quick.

Olive/Timmit: Okay, I’ll follow along.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright, we’re here in Cleary’s workshop. In her laboratory of sorts. 

Tyrone/Cleary: So what do you want to do?

Jorja/Magnolia: So I need, like, a room. That doesn’t have any magic in it. But I also need a torchlight?

Olive/Timmit: On that note. I’ll pull out one of those tinder boxes and I’ll just kind of present it. We could make… I’ve got the equipment here. Just to make a bit of fire, but I don’t know about a non-magical room

Tyrone/Cleary: That looks an awful lot like supplies from the scouts. Anything else you’ve stolen from us?

Olive/Timmit: No.

Tyrone/Cleary: But you did steal it.

Olive/Timmit: I refuse to comment.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Without my lawyer present. 

*laughter*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Ugh. Fuck. No magic?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, just like no magical light sources. No, like, protective things. Just nothing obviously magic. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And does it need to be indoors?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yes. Because I also don’t want sunlight.

Tyrone/Cleary: Alright, everyone start dragging shit into the hallways. Let’s go. Let’s go. Onwards. Onwards. 

Olive/Timmit: I’ll just carry my little tinderbox out and just look into the hallway. “Is this space going to be large enough? What is your idea here again?”

Jorja/Magnolia: “I just need… I don’t need that much space. I just want to see what the blooms react to.” While I’m picking up like six different things and moving it into the hallways. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’ve got, like, piles of books. You’ve got a whole table that’s been dragged down into the hallway, just a bunch of tools.

Steven/Noah: Noah’s going to come around the corner with his notebook and be like, “I’m going to come back later.” 

Jorja/Magnolia: Manual labour? Ew.

Steven/Noah: Nevermind. I can wait. It’s fine.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: After a considerable amount of time the room is empty.

Jorja/Magnolia: Alright. Perfect, thank you. So first, if you two could wait outside and I’m just going to see if just a fire sets these blooms off. If I could borrow your tinderbox?

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, sure. There you go.

Jorja/Magnolia: “Thank you.” And then I’m gonna go into the room and make sure it’s dark and, like, close the door and just sit there for a second. And then take out the aetherbloom out of my pocket and hold it. Then I’m going to make a torchlight, essentially. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sitting there in this relatively small room, pitch black. You light a matchstick and the aetherbloom remains closed in its bulb form. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Hmm. OK. OK. OK. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah. Okay, I will ask Timmit to come in with me.

Olive/Timmit: Hello.

Jorja/Magnolia: Hi. So, could you… I saw that you made, like, a little bit of fire or something earlier. Could you do that in here?

Olive/Timmit: “Yeah, sure.” I’ll hold my palms out and then just put them into a little ball and then a little spark of flame will ignite as I separate them. And I cast the wondrous spell, Produce Flame. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Just you two now. You’ve got some nice mood lighting. Did you keep the light from the tinder box? 

Jorja/Magnolia: I would have stopped it for Timmit to use his magic.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, now in the light of Timmit’s hands, the bloom let’s out a little golden glow as it opens up.

Olive/Timmit: That’s pretty cool. Also I’ve got to say, you look terrifying in this light. I’m so sorry. I’m just sweating.

Jorja/Magnolia: Aw that’s okay, I wouldn’t hurt you. Yet.

Olive/Timmit: Uhm-

Jorja/Magnolia: Uhm. Well thank you. We can go back out into the hallway.

Olive/Timmit: O-Okay

Tyrone/Cleary: So, this experiment. Am I involved in this at all?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeha. Can you make, uh, that Fairy Fire that we’ve seen a bunch of?

Tyrone/Cleary: Ohhh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah. Can you just come in here and do it?

Tyrone/Cleary: Yeah!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So now you are in the room alone with Cleary in the dark.

Steven/Noah: I ship it

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You guys, I swear to god. Yeah she casts Fairy Fire. Which is a twenty foot cube. So she’s going to make a twenty foot square on the ground shine in a violet light. Which in the centre where the aetherbloom is, again it lights up with the same golden glow. It’s very pretty.

Jorja/Magnolia: Is it stronger at all or just like the same as with Timmits?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s roughly the same. Yeah. 

Jorja/Magnolia: OK, cool. “OK. Thank you. That’s very, very helpful. If you want to go over into the hallway, I’m going to try something else as well.”

Tyrone/Cleary: Alright. Easiest experiment I’ve ever done.

Jorja/Magnolia: And then when she’s out I’ll light up the torch again. And I’m going to cast Shield of Faith on, I guess on me, but I’ll be holding the Witherbloom- Witherbloom. The aetherbloom. And I’m just going to see if that still makes it bloom, which doesn’t really give off light. It’s just…

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And how does that manifest for you?

Jorja/Magnolia: I think it would create sort of, not light, but, you know, when you can see oil on the top of water and it’s just sort of iridescent? Sort of like that, but in the shape of a huge magnolia flower.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s cute.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So this buffs your AC?

Jorja/Magnolia: Right.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So how close are you to it?

Jorja/Magnolia: I would be holding it

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Then, in your hands the aetherbloom, once again, opens up in a nice golden glow.

Jorja/Magnolia: Hmm… that is worrisome. OK! I’ll go back out into the hallway. I’ll be like, “Well! I think that’s all I can do for now. It answered some of my questions, but I’ll help you move all this stuff back into the room.” And I’ll start picking things up.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is Timmit helping?

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, Timmit will help.

Steven/Noah: Out of fear!

*laughter*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright let’s start dragging all of the furniture back into the room. Which takes quite a lot of time as well, during which time Cleary will be like,

Tyrone/Cleary: What’d you get? What were the results?

Jorja/Magnolia: Well, so when we were out in Neptis, I saw the aetherbloom sort of bloomed around the fairies. And I wanted to figure out if it was because of the fairy or if it was because of the light or because of the magic. And it seems like it blooms because of the magic. 

Tyrone/Cleary: An experiment that I haven’t personally done, but the results make sense. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yes, yeah. It’s a bit worrying for a city full of magic folk.

Tyrone/Cleary: You’re telling me kiddo. We’ve been here for a millennia. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah.

Tyrone/Cleary: We’re kinda running out of land here.

Jorja/Magnolia: Maybe we could… I don’t know. I’m going to think on it. Maybe I’ll figure out something that might help us out, on why it wants magic?

Tyrone/Cleary: Well I’ll keep working on the old portal machine in the meantime.

Jorja/Magnolia: Thanks!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lucille.

Rosie/Lucille: Hello. Yes.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: We know that everyone’s sort of hanging around in the castle at this point. Except we don’t know where you are? Where you at?

Rosie/Lucille: I was still kind of just sitting around on the ground. Thinking. Stroping. Stroping? Stroking my coat. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Fair enough. You’re just going to hang out and chill about going to go do anything? 

Rosie/Lucille: Well there’s not anything that I want to do except to go back and see my goats. So I guess I should probably see where the others are at and see if we can attack something else to get the stuff we need or whatever. You know?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Ayanna, who you remember is Captain of the City Watch.

Rosie/Lucille: Yes, I definitely remember.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It's definitely why I said that. She’s going to notice you and come over. 

Tyrone/Ayanna: Lucille.

Rosie/Lucille: Woman? Man?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Woman.

Rosie/Lucille: Woman.

Tyrone/Ayanna: I heard about your valiant deeds against the Astroneptis. 

Rosie/Lucille: Yes. The octopus, I chased off by myself.

Tyrone/Ayanna: Did your teammates not help you in the slightest?

Rosie/Lucille: Oh, they were doing a puzzle.

Tyrone/Ayanna: Very typical of those kinds, isn’t it?

Rosie/Lucille: Ohh yes.

Tyrone/Ayanna: Your courage and bravery has been at the forefront of my mind. I’ve been meaning to find you to see if you’d reconsider my offer of joining the city watch.

Rosie/Lucille: While I do really like gratitude... You know, it’s good to be recognised for once. You know, all the things that I do for everyone. I still, you know, I miss my goats. So I’m going to have to decline the offer. But, can I have one of your swords?

Tyrone/Ayanna: I was under the impression that they already kitted you out with the equipment you needed. What use do you have of a sword?

Rosie/Lucille: It’d just be nice to, you know, have a Watch sword. You know, it’s kind of like a souvenir. Since I was offered the job.

Tyrone/Ayanna: Well, I believe we can find that over at the armoury if we’d like to take a visit together?

Rosie/Lucille: You see, that’s just far too much effort. I was hoping I could just have yours.

Tyrone/Ayanna: Well, you see, mine is not a standard issue sword. Mine is a family heirloom, handed down. I can’t just give you my sword.

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, I suppose that’s fair enough. Do you know where the others are?

Tyrone/Ayanna: I think I saw them wandering to the king’s castle.

Rosie/Lucille: The king? Alright. That will be all! Ta-Ta!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Heading to the castle are we Lucille?

Rosie/Lucille: Yes we are.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are you looking for anything, looking for anyone? 

Rosie/Lucille: Hmm, I kinda want to see where Magnolia is.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s very interesting because Magnolia is just coming out of the hallway where you know Cleary’s room is. 

Rosie/Lucille: She’s been in Cleary’s room?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: In her workshop. Not her bedchambers. 

Rosie/Lucille: That’s far less scandalous than what I thought.

Steven/Noah: Couldn’t possibly be her bedchambers!

*laughter*

Jorja/Magnolia: Not yet!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think you might as well see Noah going into Cleary’s workshop at the same time?

Steven/Noah: Sure. Head down. I don’t notice you. Apologies. I’m very busy.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is Timmit around? Has Timmit fucked off?

Olive/Timmit: Timmit would be, kind of, be listening into all the results of this past experiment, not quite really putting all the pieces together of what we are messing around with. He’s probably just at this point fiddling with his hands, trying to figure out what to do next. Like, so, what…?

Steven/Noah: How long did that experiment take?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Took a while just to move all the fucking furniture. Probably an hour. The actual experiment took ten minutes.

Jorja/Magnolia: I like quick science, you know.

Rosie/Lucille: Quick math. “Magnolia, darling. How are you?” 

Jorja/Magnolia: Good. Thanks, Lucille. How are you?

Rosie/Lucille: Did you do a little experiment?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah. Yeah, just a little one.

Rosie/Lucille: Did it win?

Jorja/Magnolia: Did she say, ‘Did it win?’

Rosie/Lucille: Did it win?

Jorja/Magnolia:  It won… uh it won in that I got answers.

Rosie/Lucille: Ah, good, good, good.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yes.

Rosie/Lucille: I’m just going to walk into Cleary’s workshop, and just look around. 

Jorja/Magnolia: I am going to follow her because I feel like Cleary said that they had books about all of the past Moving Days and the first sightings of Glamos and everything like that. I want to read about that.

Steven/Noah: I really appreciate that you use your scientific brain to better everything. Whereas I’m using mine for selfish reasons.

Jorja/Magnolia: Those thopters have helped us, so.

Steven/Noah: They’re not going to make themselves. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah.

Steven/Noah: Actually they will. They one hundred percent will. With their tiny welding machines.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes, you found Magnolia. Alright, our story will pan over to whatever Timmit is doing outside of the workshop I think. 

Olive/Timmit:  Having watched everyone filter out of and then go back into the worksop, he won’t want to intrude. He’ll go to move towards it and go, ‘No, no, you’re going to go and take a look around. They’ve been here before. You haven’t. It’s time to get used to the area. Gonna be here for a while.’ So, he will turn on the spot and he will walk right out the front doors, and he’ll just go for a mosey through the city and see what he can see. I think that he’d be looking for anything specifically that really triggers in his mind a likeness to his own magical ability. He wants to explore that a little bit and see if there’s anyone that could potentially show him a thing. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I realise that that experiment took an hour, so I guess Margaret is gone. 

Olive/Timmit:  Yes, she has dissipated. She would have helped with some of the lighter items of furniture, moving them along.

Tyrone/Maragaret: Well alright, I’ll just move this spanner, okay? But, I’m not doing any of that heavy lifting. 

Olive/Timmit:  I mean that muffin was heavy enough for you to carry at that time. That was ridiculous. 

Tyrone/Maragaret: It was very large. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright, on your way out, Auris, who somebody has introduced as the head of the Kingsguard. He will like:

Tyrone/Auris: Heading out again are we newcomer?

Olive/Timmit: Oh yes. Yes I am. Actually, I was wondering if you could help me perhaps. 

Tyrone/Auris: Aye. 

Olive/Timmit: You see since I’ve gotten here, I have found that I can do things and I can make things kind of appear. Sometimes because I need it to, or sometimes because I want it to or I think about it. But I don’t really know how to make it controlled or happen. It sort of just does. Do you know if there’s-

Tyrone/Auris: Ah, you haven’t been to magic school. You don’t know anything about magic. 

Olive/Timmit: No, I’m a little uneducated in that area.

Tyrone/Auris: Well the best one that we’ve got in the castle is Thaumus. She’s the head of the Moving Day, but she’s also the head of the mages. 

Olive/Timmit: Thalmas?

Tyrone/Auris: Yeah, Thaumus.

Olive/Timmit: Is it like a Master Thaumus? Madam Thaumus? 

Tyrone/Auris: Just Thaumus. She’s got this blue pointy hat and got pink markings on her face. It’s hard to miss. Blue robes.

Rosie/Lucille: Sounds like a witch! 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re not here. 

Rosie/Lucille: No, but still sounds like a witch. 

Olive/Timmit: Where could I find this Thaumus? I understand if she’s a busy mage- Wizard? Sorcerer? Fairy. 

Tyrone/Auris: Fairy. Mage. Whatever. Yeah, her room’s up the top of the Kingsgrove, so you have to climb all the stairs because you can’t-

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And he’ll size you up and down.

Tyrone/Auris: You can’t fly.

Olive/Timmit: Well thanks for pointing it out, but if I learn enough, could I fly?

Tyrone/Auris: I mean, I never met anybody who couldn’t fly., so… Nobody’s never really needed to learn magic like that.

Olive/Timmit: I like the optimism though. ‘Never met anyone who couldn’t fly’. I like that. I’m going to stick with that.

Tyrone/Auris: Well until I met your party.

Olive/Timmit: Ah no. Shush. You’re supposed to stop talking now. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You heading up to find Thaumus?

Olive/Timmit: Yes.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Ooo girl. She has been mentioned briefly, but I don’t think anybody’s been bothered to talk to her yet. 

Olive/Timmit: Is this going to be another character in one of your campaigns that I just absolutely fall head over heels for? I don’t know what it is. There’s always a trope whenever I play D&D with you. You introduce this absolutely just gorgeous character, and it’s just like *stammers*

Jorja/Magnolia: You’ve already met Cleary. What are you talking about?

Olive/Timmit: I don’t think I’ve seen a picture of Cleary.

Jorja/Magnolia: She’s got a big spanner. What more could you want?

Olive/Timmit: Mmm.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: But yes, you find the highest room in the tallest tower. Has a nice little etching on the door that reads ‘Thaumus’. Nice and easy. 

Olive/Timmit: He’ll just straighten his tie a little bit. Make himself a little more presentable, and then:

*knocks*

Olive/Timmit: Hello?

Tyrone/Thaumus: Come in!

Olive/Timmit: Ooo! Open the door, and make my way in.

[music]

POTIONS AND POTPOURRI AD READ: Hello fellow D&D and TTRPG Nerds. This is Kala from the Potions and Potpourri podcast. Myself and my co host Keisha are just two gal pals who like to hang out and have casual conversations about Dungeons & Dragons and other TTRPGs. Our show is loosely formatted but we like to talk about a variety of topics relating to Dungeons & Dragons and TTRPGS in general. Plus we do the occasional live play. We interview guests from the TTRPG space, and we also do improv creations where we make things up on the fly together. We give lots of tips and tricks. As Keisha is our resident DM, and Kala is a forever player. So if you are new to the Dungeons & Dragons or TTRPG realm, or if you’ve been part of this realm and want to learn some new tips and tricks, or if you just want to listen to some goofy gals. Come find us wherever you get your podcasts. Potions and Potpourri! 

[Music] 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: If you’ve ever seen Howl’s Moving Castle, I picture this room to look like Howl’s bedroom.

Jorja/Magnolia:  Ooo! That’s sick!

Olive/Timmit: Nice. 

Jorja/Magnolia:  So many trinkets. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: All the trinkets. There’s every sort of crystal that you can imagine adorning the room. Little dreamcatchers, windcatchers sort of vibes hanging from the ceiling. Little magical plants that you’ve never seen. Little mushrooms growing around everywhere.

Olive/Timmit: My inner rogue is dying.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lucky you're a wizard. Lucille in this room though…

Tyrone/Thaumus: Yes darling? How can I help?

Olive/Timmit: Oh, hi! You’re Thaumus?

Tyrone/Thaumus: In the flesh. How can I help you? You are…?

Olive/Timmit: I’m Timmit.

Tyrone/Thaumus: I didn’t realise there was another one of you. 

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, it’s a long story. Actually, it’s probably really not. It’s probably super simple. I got here. They found me, and now I’m here. The end. There was a lot of colours, and I was in an elevator, and then I was on the ground. Sorry, what were you talking about?

Tyrone/Thaumus: How can I help you? Why are you here in my door, in my room?

Olive/Timmit: Oh right! Yes, of course, of course. I’ve got this weird…magic? 

Tyrone/Thaumus: Magic!? Ooo you’re a magic one. That’s good. 

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, I just don’t know how to really use it because sometimes it just happens when I’m doing things and then… I need to know how to control it. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: Well that’s your first problem. Trying to learn to control it in such a way. Just let it be darl.

Olive/Timmit: Hmm, okay.

Tyrone/Thaumus: But you’re in the right place. What can you do? I see you’ve got some nice funky hair there.

Olive/Timmit: “Oh yeah, it’s pretty cool. Well one of the things I can do…” and I’ll cast Produce Flame, and make a little flame in my hand. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: Ooo! *clapping*

Olive/Timmit: Thank you, thank you. I can also summon my assistant, and she helps me out, but I don’t think anyone else can see her. I don’t know if I can- Is that just- Am I hallucinating, or?

Tyrone/Thaumus: Oh no, I do that all the time! Whenever I can’t be bothered cleaning I just get someone to tidy up around the place.

Olive/Timmit: They can clean?

Tyrone/Thaumus: What have you been getting them to do?

Olive/Timmit: Mostly figuring out puzzles and holding muffins.

Tyrone/Thaumus: I didn’t realise they were smart enough to do puzzles.

Olive/Timmit: Well, I was kind of telling them where to put the puzzle pieces and that sort of thing. I can also read things that I couldn’t read before. Like if I look at something I don’t know what it is, and then suddenly I can just read it. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: I haven’t actually come across that one. Usually everything that I know is in the same language. Everyone around here speaks the same. I don’t know why I’d have the need for it.

Olive/Timmit: Oh, I also did this thing where there was this tentacle and suddenly I was moving so fast, I couldn’t figure out where I was in the room. I was just speedy!

Tyrone/Thaumus: That one is my favourite. I have a lot of fun with that one. 

Olive/Timmit: So, could I learn more?

Tyrone/Thaumus: I mean, probably. Yeah. What do you want to know?

Olive/Timmit: “Well first of all.” And I’ll pull out the gavel that I have and show it to here. “I feel that there’s a connection with this, and whenever this magic happens, it kind of hums, and it speaks to me”.

Tyrone/Thaumus: Oh, yes of course. This must be your focus.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to point to the markings on her face, like intricate, sort of cursive pink markings. Like:

Tyrone/Thaumus: This is my focus. I got this done just to make it easy on me. It’s nice and easy. 

Olive/Timmit: “I think I have a very similar thing. I haven’t really been able to look myself, but people tell me that I have little markings all over my face, and I think that’s where…” Still holding the Produce Flame. “I think that’s where this comes from.”

Tyrone/Thaumus: Well don’t lose it dearie. Those things are hard to replace. 

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, yeah. I imagine it would be, yeah. Don’t feel like losing my face. That can stay. That’s good.

Tyrone/Thaumus: I meant the gavel, but yeah.

Olive/Timmit: Oh right! Yeah, sure. Yep. Right. Sure. *nervous laughter*

Tyrone/Thaumus: So what are we in the mood for learning? I’ve got a little bit of time. Moving Day is over, so I’ve got a little bit of time before I’m really needed around the castle. 

Olive/Timmit: Oh really?

Tyrone/Thaumus: Yeah!

Olive/Timmit: You’d teach me?

Tyrone/Thaumus: Why not? I love it. I love teaching new people.

Olive/Timmit: “That would be amazing!I had a couple ideas. So, I was able to make myself run really, really fast, but I wanted to see if I could make other people run really fast.” Speaking about Longstrider there. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So you still want Longstrider?

Olive/Timmit: Yeah. Also thinking probably Magic Weapon.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Well don’t get greedy now. We’ll do a roll and see how well you go. If you get a good roll, you can try for a second one. 

Olive/Timmit: Okay, alright, cool. I’m happy with that .

Tyrone/Thaumus: So making other people speedy huh? Well, I guess just thinking about making yourself speedy, but imbuing that into other people.

Olive/Timmit: I genuinely didn’t think about that. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll me an arcana roll. Ooo girl.

Olive/Timmit: Ooo girl.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Timmit: Twenty-two.

Tyrone/Thaumus: Okay! Alright, so you wanna… Yeah practise on me! Go for it.

Olive/Timmit: I will reach out, and I will think about making myself super speedy, and I will push that through the gavel, and cast Longstrider. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, you can see Thaumus shaking with anticipation essentially. She’s had a few too many coffees. 

Olive/Timmit: Hell yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’ll spin around the room real fast like she’s Dash from The Incredibles. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: See, that wasn’t so bad now, was it?

Olive/Timmit: No that actually was super helpful. You explained that really well actually. It kind of clicked in my mind.

Tyrone/Thaumus: Next one won’t be so easy though.

Olive/Timmit: No? Okay, alright. For this next one I wanted to… All these people have cool weapons and stuff, andI just wanted to make it better. I wanted to make it pop. I want to make it, you know? 

Tyrone/Thaumus: Okay, so, just want to give it a little ‘pop’, as you called it?

Olive/Timmit: Yeah! A little pop.

Tyrone/Thaumus: Well let’s… You got a weapon on you?

Olive/Timmit: “I do actually. I just picked one up.” And I’ll pull out the little shortsword that I just got. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: Well just think about all those magic weapons that you’ve already seen, and just think about your little sword being that. 

Olive/Timmit: Is magic just manifestation?

Tyrone/Thaumus: Kinda?

Steven/Noah: You are the maths teacher who just says, ‘It’s easy!’

*laughter*

Olive/Timmit: Two plus two is just four.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, just find the variable, and then find the reverse function of it. 

Steven/Noah: Yeah, it’s easy. Solve for X!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Do you want me to do a whole monologue where I explain all of the incantations and the-

Steven/Noah: Yes!

Olive/Timmit: That would be the entire episode, so yeah. Go on. 

*laughter*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Well do an arcana roll. See how you go with this one. 

Olive/Timmit:  Oh, alright.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Timmit:  Seventeen. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, We’ll give it to you.

Steven/Noah: You get a B plus for this one.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Not as good as the last one.

Olive/Timmit:  It’s still a work in progress. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, but you have also learnt Magic Weapon. While this is happening, this little magic learning montage, training sequence, we’re gonna pan our camera back down to the lower levels of the tree where Cleary’s workshop awaits. 

Tyrone/Cleary: So Noah, what are you doing here? I’m in high demand.

Steven/Noah: Aww yeah [in a heavy Australian accent]. Sorry.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s how she speaks!

Steven/Noah: I know, but I’m a product of my environment. “Yeah, so I’ve been drawing some things and I’ve been having a think to myself. I want to build this.” I’m just going to shove my notebook in her face. It’s going to be blueprint drawings - a sketch of a little robot guy.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Pushing the paper out of her face so she can actually see it, she’ll be like:

Tyrone/Cleary: Ahh, this is a little pretty drawing. 

Steven/Noah: I call him Skittles.

Tyrone/Cleary: Why?

Steven/Noah: “Cos he’s going to skittle.” And then I’m going to make a hand motion of a little thing skittering across the page.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’ll look up at Honey Boo Boo and Beeyonce, and say:

Tyrone/Cleary: You do have a knack for it I suppose.

Steven/Noah: Thank you. 

Tyrone/Cleary: So you wanted to use my workshop and my materials and my tools?

Steven/Noah: I do have my own tools, but yes I would love to use your materials and workshop.

Tyrone/Cleary: And the tools that I gave you.

Steven/Noah: Correct, but I made these.” And I’m going to pull out some smith’s tools that I manufactured myself magically suing The Right Tool For The Job. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is that what you were doing for the past hour?

Steven/Noah: Yes, which is why I asked how long the experiment was. You were like, ‘Oh about an hour’. Like, excellent! It takes exactly an hour.

*laughter*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Do you want to do a whole sequence about it, or do you just want to tinker away? 

Steven/Noah: I mean, I don’t need coaching, so I can just do this myself, but I’m also not going to walk through everything that I’m nailing together.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to supervise you. She’s not going to let you lose in her workshop. 

Steven/Noah: Rude, but also valid.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So tell our lovely audience what the final product of your workings is.

Steven/Noah: Sure. So basically it’s a medium sized robot. It has four legs to scuttle about as robots do. As I am a small creature, it is large enough that I can sit on it like a throne with legs. It’s got a nice little flat top with a seat that Noah can sit on and command it from the top. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is it a seat or is it just a flat top? Is there actually-?

Steven/Noah: No, there’s actually a seat with little handles that he can hold onto, so as it’s moving about he can hold on. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is there levers that you use to control him? Or does he move on his own?

Steven/Noah: He moves on his own, and kind of has his own brain, and I can talk to it and tell it what to do, so I probably don’t need levers.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Can it talk?

Steven/Noah: No. It sort of makes chirps and whistles. It’s very cute.

*Skittles beeps*

Steven/Noah: He said hello. 

Tyrone/Cleary: Marvellous job. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s not her voice.

Steven/Noah: I’m just going to step back and be like, “It’s perfect.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Now I must sleep for twenty days and twenty nights. 

*laughter*

Steven/Noah: Oh sorry, before we move on, do I need to say that I’ve picked the Battlesmith and it’s my companion.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, go over it if you like. 

Steven/Noah: Yeah, so I’ve built a Steel Defender. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think Magnolia and Lucille are still in the room. 

Rosie/Lucille: Yes.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lucille, is there anything that you want to do for downtime?

Rosie/Lucille: I’d like to go speak to the king.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Cleary, I guess, will pull out her little communicator ruby.  Just move over to the side so that I don’t have to have this conversation on mic. She’s going to page the king essentially.

Rosie/Lucille: Ooo, an audience with the king. Maybe.

Tyrone/Cleary: It is King Oberon’s tea time in approximately five minutes, so you have five minutes to get down there. 

Rosie/Lucille: Alright, I’m going to run.

[music]

Tyrone/Oberon: Lucille, please come take a seat. Would you like a cup of daisy tea?

Rosie/Lucille: Oh I would love a cup of daisy tea. The first civilised thing that has happened here. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’ll pour you a cup of daisy tea and point you in the direction of a chair in the form of a little wood stump.

Rosie/Lucille: Alright, I’ll sit here.

Tyrone/Oberon: What brings you to my tea room today?

Rosie/Lucille: Well, I’d like to discuss business. Have you ever thought of running a goat farm?

Tyrone/Oberon: I’m not sure how many times that we must inform you that we don't have any goats here. 

Rosie/Lucille: I’ve got it all worked out. I’ll bring my goats here. I have one hundred and twenty three goats. You have none. If I bring mine, you’d have a hundred and twenty three goats, but they’re still mine.

Tyrone/Oberon: So, once we build your portal machine, then we bring the goats over?

Rosie/Lucille: Precisely, and then I get to live here in this young body that I can fly in. 

Tyrone/Oberon: Is your body not quite what it was back home?

Rosie/Lucille: Oh, I wouldn’t say that. I still get around. Not around around. I mean on the farm with the goats. Not with the goats. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh my god. 

Rosie/Lucille: *weeping* Lord king, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just really like my goats. Not in that way, and also I really like having wings. 

Tyrone/Oberon: And what business is this? What do I get out of this?

Rosie/Lucille: Well you’d have goats. 

Tyrone/Oberon: Are they food? Do we eat-

Rosie/Lucille: NO! God no! Absolutely not.

Tyrone/Oberon: Is it an attraction? Do people come and pet the goats?

Rosie/Lucille: No, only me. I look after the goats.

Tyrone/Oberon: So what do you need me for?

Rosie/Lucille: The land. 

Tyrone/Oberon: I’m sure we could set you up somewhere nice in Avos. 

Rosie/Lucille: Yes, but remember I don’t want to pay. Because remember you’re getting free goats on your land, and I’ve noticed that this coat, it’s not exactly goat fur. While I do appreciate it, but you know we could make goat coats. 

Tyrone/Oberon: There is a little spanner in the works, if you would. In that we don’t really plan on staying here for much longer assuming Kyros comes home soon. 

Rosie/Lucille: Well the goats can come too.

Tyrone/Oberon: You would come back to our home land with us?

Rosie/Lucille: Yes. We could live together, you and I.

Tyrone/Oberon: Along with the rest of the court, yes.

Rosie/Lucille: Yes, you know, I have often seen myself living in a castle, and all that, so this could work out quite well I think. 

Tyrone/Oberon: I’m still failing to see the benefits of the goats. 

Rosie/Lucille: We’ll talk. We’ll talk, but I really must go darling, but it’s been great, but you really must think about this. Because it is a once in a lifetime opportunity to have goats in a land with no goats. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lucille really does turn British at points, doesn’t she? 

Tyrone/Oberon: Well it’s been an absolute pleasure, but I must get back to my paperwork.

Rosie/Lucille: “I was the one who said I was leaving. You don’t need to dismiss me. I’ve already said I’m leaving. Okay, goodbye. Ta ta.” She’s walked out by the way. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s night time now. Night has reached whatever the night is. Whatever the sun is in this world. Whatever the moon is, if there is a moon. So, it’s time for bed unless anyone would like to do anything else. 

Steven/Noah: I’m going to look for a moon. Is there a moon!?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I haven’t really thought about that.

Rosie/Lucille:  Can it be pink? Or blue? Like a baby blue that goes to a deep blue on the underneath.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You know what? Exactly what Rosie said.

Rosie/Lucille:  Yes!

Steven/Noah: Cool. Noah’s seen it. He’s good. He’s going to bed.

Jorja/Magnolia: That’s a cool moon. Alright guys, goodnight. 

Olive/Timmit: Walking down the steps from the highest point in the tower. Just seeing the blue moon cascade across the castle. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It is morning, and Cleary is going down and knocking on each of our doors. 

Rosie/Lucille: Ugh.

Olive/Timmit: Yeah! Huh!?

Tyrone/Cleary: It’s time to go out on an adventure.

Olive/Timmit: And where are we going? What?

Tyrone/Cleary: You didn’t tell me yet. Where are we going? 

Rosie/Lucille: Lava.

Steven/Noah: Nope, nope, nope. 

Olive/Timmit: I don’t feel like being burnt alive. I mean, I won’t burn as quickly as you guys, but I’m not ready for that, no.

Steven/Noah: The thopters are going to shake their head in unison.

Tyrone/Cleary: So, we’re going to Avos then? In the air?

Olive/Timmit: See, you can fly and get away from it. We’re all still on the ground. 

Rosie/Lucille: You’re right. I am pretty cool. 

Steven/Noah: I can’t fly.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, we’re working on that one.

Olive/Timmit: Option three!

Rosie/Lucille: Lava!

Tyrone/Cleary: Theran, alright. Easy. pack your stuff for the desert. Let’s go. 

Olive/Timmit: Ugh, the desert.

Rosie/Lucille: Do we have water to bring? Snacks? Muesli bars?

Jorja/Magnolia: She literally said, ‘Get ready’. You can get water. 

Rosie/Lucille: I mean I guess that’s kinda the point of getting ready.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah.

Steven/Noah: Myself, you mean?

*laughter*

Jorja/Magnolia: Little ol’ me?

Steven/Noah: What? Have I gotta get me own wa’er? What the bloody hell?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Fuck. What the fuck was that?

*laughter*

Olive/Timmit: That was brilliant. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Just tell me exactly what you guys are getting and you can grab it.

Rosie/Lucille: Water.

Steven/Noah: Yeah, water.

Rosie/Lucille: Two muesli bars. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How much water?

Rosie/Lucille: How much…water?

Steven/Noah: God, there was an existential crisis from our fairy. Jeez.

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m going to… You know how you can get a little water… What are they called? 

Steven/Noah: A canteen?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, a canteen. I’m going to get four extra and put them in my Bag of Holding. I’m also going to get a face covering and very light material clothes that I can put over the top of my shit.

Olive/Timmit: I’m kind of imagining, just an oversized Ewok.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I’m picturing this little rabbit with a face veil.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah!

Olive/Timmit:  Nice.

Steven/Noah: I’m picturing a Gerudo from the Gerudo village, but she’s a rabbit.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah. pretty much. 

Steven/Noah: I will also get a face veil, but I am not parting with my coat with many pockets, so I’m just going to sweat.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I’m just going to put it on top of my heavy armour. Like, ‘Maybe it won’t get hot if it reflects off of this linen.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Water and face veils. Anyone else?

Olive/Timmit:  Well Timmit’s resistant to heat, so he’s pretty swell. He’s kind of looking forward to testing that out, but he will get at least two cantinas of water because hot and thirsty and-

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think a canteen is something that holds water, but a cantina is something in Star Wars. 

Steven/Noah: *Sings Mos Eisley Cantina tune.* Sorry.

Rosie/Lucille: Can I also fill up my pockets with some tea bags and some chocolate chip cookies?

Olive/Timmit:  Oh, I will one hundred percent go with Lucille and get myself some extra muffins. 

Rosie/Lucille: Thank you Timmit.

Steven/Noah: I love the way you said his name being like, ‘I know your name’.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Some dandelion tea bags.

Rosie/Lucille: I love dandy-lion tea bags. 

Jorja/Magnolia: What was the inflection?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Why did you say it like that?

Rosie/Lucille: You know how you say it like, ‘dandy-lion’, and it’s like a dandy lion, and you get a picture of a lion with a dandelion around it and it’s like this whole pun. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s cute.

Steven/Noah: I’m just going to fill some canteens with water as well and put them in all my various pockets.

Tyrone/Cleary: Alright, you’ve got your supplies. There’s no scouts or anything to go with you this time, so good luck. Any questions?

Rosie/Lucille: When we get the thingy, should we come back here?

Tyrone/Cleary: Yes.

Jorja/Magnolia: Where else were we gonna go?

Olive/Timmit: No, that’s actually a very good question, I’m glad she asked it. ‘Cos, I don’t know, you’ve been talking about this place teleporting and moving and things, and there’s Moving Day, and I know it just happened, but I don’t know. What if we’re gone for a really long time and this place is gone when we get back? 

Tyrone/Cleary: Well, Glamos isn’t threatening us any time soon, so we’re not planning on it for at least another couple of moons. 

Olive/Timmit: Okay, cool. Also, do you have a map?

Tyrone/Cleary:The cartographers are working on it, but it is not complete yet.

Olive/Timmit: Let’s go get lost in the desert.

Tyrone/Cleary: You should have a map for your next adventure.

Olive/Timmit: Oh, that’s good. That’s good. If we ever come back from this one that will be swell.

Tyrone/Cleary: When.

Olive/Timmit: Your optimism astounds me.

Tyrone/Cleary: Any other questions?

Rosie/Lucille: Na mate.

Steven/Noah: Oh I forgot to mention that while we were sleeping, or just before we were sleeping, I made painter’s supplies. So, I no longer have smith’s tools, but I have painter’s supplies now, and I’m just going to be painting racing stripes on Skittles.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah!

Steven/Noah: I am proficient in said tools. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, make sure that everyone takes a long rest as well. I know that we’ve been using a lot of fucking Gift of Gabs. Okay, we’re ready for the desert. Taking yourselves this time to the top of the city to find a new elevator that goes towards Theran. It’s just this ever-expanding desert is what you can see. 

Olive/Timmit: That’s a lot of sand.

Steven/Noah + Tyrone/Dungeon MasterI don’t like sand.

Steven/Noah: It’s course and rough and irritating.

Steven/Noah + Jorja/Magnolia: And it gets everywhere.

Rosie/Lucille: What’s that from?

Olive/Timmit: It’s a cantina meme.

Steven/Noah: Not like here, everything is soft and smooth.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: One of the perimeter watchmen lowers you down on the elevator.

Rosie/Lucille: What a lovely young boy.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re just going to hear him yell out from above. Be like:

Tyrone/Watchman: Remember the flags!

Rosie/Lucille: What flags!?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Too far gone.

Olive/Timmit: Did you bring the flags?

Steven/Noah: I can make some. I can paint them.

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, let’s make our own flags. That would be fun. 

Steven/Noah: I can quickly fashion some weaver’s tools, but it will take me an hour.

Rosie/Lucille: I thought you said quick.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You get down on the elevator and it clunks into the sand. You have a vast desert in front of you now. 

Olive/Timmit: Do we know which way we need to go, or?

Rosie/Lucille: “I assume away from this elevator, so that way”, and she’ll point straight ahead.

Jorja/Magnolia: I agree.

Steven/Noah: “Can you maybe fly up and see- Wait, why am I asking you? Thopters, fly up and see if you can see any flags.” I’m going to ask Beeyonce if she wouldn’t mind flying up and see if she can see any flags from where we are.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Can Beeyonce make a perception check please? I don’t know how she tells you anything though.

Rosie/Lucille: Bzz bzz.

Olive/Timmit: Chatter.

Rosie/Lucille: Well, I mean-

Steven/Noah: She can nod.

*dice rolls*

Steven/Noah: Yeah, it’s a nine.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s just going to come around a do a little loop-the-loop. She doesn’t know. 

Steven/Noah: Beeyonce doesn’t see anything.

Rosie/Lucille: “Let me have a crack at it!” I’m going to fly up into the air, and I’m going to do a little looksie around, and while I do it I’m going to bit into my choc chip biscuit.

Jorja/Magnolia: Already eating the supplies.

Rosie/Lucille: Well we didn’t eat breakfast, did we?

Steven/Noah: What are rations?

Jorja/Magnolia: Can I look from the ground as well?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah. Anyone who wants to do a perception check in general.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Lucille: Ten

Jorja/Magnolia: I got an eighteen. 

Olive/Timmit: I got a six. 

Steven/Noah: I got a fourteen, and Honey Boo Boo got a thirteen, and Skittles got a nine. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And funnily enough, you’ve got seven party members and only Magnolia can see the giant red flag up ahead. 

Olive/Timmit: She’s the eyes and the ears. 

Rosie/Lucille: Wait, are we meant to be running towards the red flag or away from it?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I always run towards red flags. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Preach!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There’s a giant red flag in the desert.

Rosie/Lucille: I just saw the sky.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I’ll  just be like, “Yeah, I guess that flag maybe”. Pointing it out to everyone.

Olive/Timmit: Oh right! Flags! I wasn’t looking for flags, I was looking at sand. Well, I thought I can see footprints if it could lead to a certain place, but it’s sand. It all just kind of folds.

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m going to die out here with these idiots. 

Steven/Noah: I can guarantee there are no sticks made of wood.

Olive/Timmit: That’s quite unfortunate. I don’t know what we’re going to do for warmth tonight.

Rosie/Lucille: I’ve got a goat coat.

Jorja/Magnolia: You literally make fire out of your hands.

Olive/Timmit: I just remembered. 

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m going to die out here with three idiots.

Olive/Timmit: I’m book smart. I’m not very desert smart, okay?

Jorja/Magnolia: The two types of smart are book smart and desert smart?

Olive/Timmit: Yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Going towards the flag?

Olive/Timmit: Yes.

Rosie/Lucille: Absolutely.

Steven/Noah: Do we all see it?

Olive/Timmit: Well, following Magnolia’s lead. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: As you get to the red flag, you find another red flag further on in the distance. 

Olive/Timmit: Should we turn around, or is it too late? Do we just have to keep going now?

Jorja/Magnolia: I think we follow the flags to where we need to go.

Olive/Timmit: You know, red flags are just so pretty though.

Rosie/Lucille: I’m drawn to them.

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh god, we’re all broken. 

*laughter*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright, it is at this point that I assume that we just follow red flags for a while? 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yip.

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, for course.

Rosie/Lucille: I’m flying, not walking by the way. Just FYI.

Steven/Noah: I’m just sitting. Skittles is scuttling. 

Rosie/Lucille: That’s so cool.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: We’ll get back to Timmit in a second specifically, but in general can everyone roll me a constitution saving throw?

Olive/Timmit: Oh okay.

Steven/Noah: My robots are immune to exhaustion, and I’m not even walking.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are you sitting on the back of Skittles?

Steven/Noah: Correct.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are you inviting anyone else up there? They can’t fit up there I guess?

Steven/Noah: No they can’t fit up here. This is a one man seat.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Rosie is also a small creature.

Steven/Noah: Anyone can sit in it, but only one at a time. He’s only a medium creature, come one. He’s not a steed. 

*dice rolls*

Olive/Timmit: Dammit.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How’d those con saves go?

Rosie/Lucille: Excellent. I got a nineteen.

Jorja/Magnolia: I got a twenty.

Steven/Noah: I didn’t think I had to roll one, but okay,

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Why did you think you were exempt?

Steven/Noah: I’m not even walking. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Still in the hot though.

Rosie/Lucille: Oh, but the heat and the sun and the sand.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re sitting on metal in the middle of the desert.

Jorja/Magnolia: Even bad bitches get exhausted.

Steven/Noah: I made a leather seat.

Jorja/Magnolia: You’re stuck to that, son.

Steven/Noah: I am one with Skittles.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Ohh, leather.

*dice rolls*

Steven/Noah: I got a six. Sorry, a seven.

Olive/Timmit: Well I got a five.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: But Timmit gets something special with this, right? What’s the dealio with that? ‘Cos you’re a fire genasi, so something different happens. Okay, Reddit is telling me: creatures with resistance or immunity to fire damage automatically succeed on a saving throw as well as creatures naturally adapted to hot climates. Okay.

Jorja/Magnolia: Thanks Reddit.

Olive/Timmit: Reddit to save the day. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So Steven, Noah has failed his constitution saving throw.

Steven/Noah: That’s fine. He’ll just chill.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah? You’ll gain a level of exhaustion? Level one of exhaustion means that you have disadvantage on ability checks.

Steven/Noah: For how long?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can cure a level of exhaustion with a long rest. There’s other ways as well but a long rest is the main way. 

Steven/Noah: I’ll just take a rest while everyone else is walking. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I don’t know that sleeping in the sun is the best way to fix that.

Steven/Noah: *blows raspberry*

Olive/Timmit: Does anyone have a parasol or a spare sheet or something?

Jorja/Magnolia: I’ve got nothing.

Steven/Noah: Noah’s looking a little hot.

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, he’s looking a little unwell. I’ve got an idea. Does anyone have anything?

Rosie/Lucille: I’ve got cookies or water or muesli bars?

Steven/Noah: I’ve got tinker’s tools. I could make myself something. 

Olive/Timmit: If you could make yourself a little umbrella, I could make sure that it stays above you.

Steven/Noah: Magnolia, do you need that face covering? I could fashion it to mine and make a tiny umbrella.

Jorja/Magnolia:  Alright, have it.

Rosie/Lucille: Did they really send us out with no sunscreen or hats?

Olive/Timmit: We sent us out without any sunscreen or hats.

Rosie/Lucille: We’re dumb at times, and they should have known this.

Olive/Timmit: I’m fine.

Steven/Noah: Sorry, I just wanted to point out that I’ve fashioned the parasol to Skittles, so he’s holding it above me.

Olive/Timmit: What I’ll do instead, is I’ll cast Unseen Servant.

Steven/Noah: Is that a cantrip or a spell?

Olive/Timmit: It’s a spell.

Steven/Noah: Isn’t that a waste of a spell slot? I’ve got thopters mate. I can have a thopter here, a thopter here, and a parasol between them, and in my delirious state I’m like, ‘Oh look at these little angels’. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alrighty, can everyone please make me a perception check while we’re out here in the desert?

*dice rolls*

Steven/Noah: In my delirious state I rolled a nat twenty. 

Olive/Timmit: You have disadvantage on skill checks.

*dice rolls*

Steven/Noah: Eighteen. Wait no, dirty twenty,

Olive/Timmit: Seven. 

Jorja/Magnolia:  Nineteen.

Rosie/Lucille: I got a one.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Something for everyone regardless. We’ve got a nice sea of sand and some nice rolling sand dunes, so it takes a while to walk up one of these sometimes, they’ve got a bit of altitude about it. So, standing on top of one these sand dunes in the distance Lucille sees a nice oasis over yay yonder. So, everyone else- Sorry I should say Magnolia and Noah, you see what appears to be two giant snakes slithering towards you.

Jorja/Magnolia: That ain’t good. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Timmit is just vibing in the sea of sand.

Olive/Timmit: I’m just, every couple of steps, kneeling down and picking up a bit of sand and putting it in a bag I’ve got, and putting it to the side, and again, another one, and put it in the bag.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I’m waiting for ten episodes down where you’re just like, ‘Sand attack!’

*laughing*

Steven/Noah: Your accuracy got lowered. Also, I guess I see the snakes, but I’m delirious, so I’m probably not going to say anything. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Guys, does anyone else see that, or?

Rosie/Lucille: You mean the really pretty thingy over there? We should go towards it.

Jorja/Magnolia: No, I mean the two giant snake things.

Steven/Noah: Oh, you see them too?

Olive/Timmit: Snakes!?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah.

Steven/Noah: Oh, I thought it was the heat exhaustion.

Olive/Timmit: Snakes!?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, snakes.

Rosie/Lucille: You ever seen a goat and a snake fight? Because I have.

Olive/Timmit: How big? 

Steven/Noah: Not the time Lucille.

*laughter*

Steven/Noah: Although please prepare a report on that. I would like to read.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They’re about human sized. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Gross.

Steven/Noah: Oh, I am smaller than a human.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Noah, it seems like they’ve got something attached to them. Like, they’ve got rope and they’re pulling a cart.

Steven/Noah: Okay, deliriously, “Do you see the ropes too? I think there’s a person on the back of the snakes?”

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh buddy, we need to get some help.

Steven/Noah: Maybe they’re friendly!

Jorja/Magnolia: I like your optimism kid.

Rosie/Lucille: I’d be interested to see what they’re like compared to the snakes back on my farm. We should go have a look.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re heading towards the snakes, or away from the snakes?

Olive/Timmit: Timmit is going nowhere near the snakes.

Rosie/Lucille: Onwards!

Steven/Noah: To the oasis!

*laughter*

Jorja/Magnolia: You’re all too brave.

Steven/Noah: Yeah, I’ll go forward. I’ll double tap Skittles and we’ll start going forwards.

*Skittles beeps*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yip yip.

Steven/Noah: Giddy up!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Does Magnolia?

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, I’ll follow them.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: These snakes are going to come to a grinding halt ten feet in front of you guys. They’ll open up their their mouths. They’ll be like:

Tyrone/Snake: *thick Australian accent* Ah, how’s it going? You guys heading out to the outposts, are ya?

Theme Song: *rock music plays*

Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Thank you so much for listening to Portal Quandary. Portal Quandary is made possible by the following people: Myself, Tyrone Cross as Dungeon Master, Community Manager, and Editor, Steven Edwards as Noah, Olive Jerome as Timothy and the Editing Assistant, Rosemary Ochtman as Lucille, and Jorja Odd as Magnolia. Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant, and Chanelle Hayden is our transcriber. Our theme song is Belly of the Beast by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas, and if you need to contact us you can do so at portalquandary@gmail.com. We’re also on the lookout for someone to join our team as a Community Manager, so if that sounds like you, shoot us a DM or an email. We’re also on a bunch of social media including Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, Threads, and our newly launched Patreon. So if you’re interested in any of those please head over to them. They’re all @PortalQuandary. That’s Q-U-A-N-D-A-R-Y. And this podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people, and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders. 

Theme Song: *rock music continues* 

Finding home in the belly of the beast, (in the belly of the beast), to make it home we can’t accept defeat, (there’s no turning back) so roll the dice and come along with me, (come along with me, let’s go), finding home in the belly of the beast.

What if there was a mechanic where you snapped your Medicare card, it released a burst of healing energy?

Jorja/Magnolia: Ooo. Oh, a cleric with a focus that’s a medicare card.

*laughter*

Olive/Timmit: Why do I have Burning Hands prepared twice?

Steven/Noah: One is your left hand and one is your right hand.

Jorja/Magnolia: I was just about to make that joke.

Steven/Noah: You’ve got two hands, don’t ya?

Rosie/Lucille: Side note, Mage Armour sounds like Major Ma. Like Major.

Olive/Timmit: Major ma!

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah that one.

*laughter*

Olive/Timmit: Not just your ma, but your major ma!

Rosie/Lucille: Major ma! What about ice smart? Not the drug but like the water that’s frozen?

Steven/Noah: Very different from methamphetamine smart. 

Rosie/Lucille: Does that mean that they’re chode snakes?

Jorja/Magnolia: Eww.

Olive/Timmit: What the fuck?

Rosie/Lucille: Because by human sized do you mean like length or thickness?

Steven/Noah: Talk about their girth.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Think about a snake standing up. It’s about the height of a human standing up, so it’s longer than a human height but the thickness is like, I don’t know,

Rosie/Lucille: So, they’re regular snakes, but standing up they’re the height of a human? Okay, good for my visual brain. It was horrifying before. 

Steven/Noah: It’s scaled up.