The party issues a public apology to the city of Lambence on Tea Day. As they prepare for their descent into Novis, they make some new discoveries about the city's past and the nature of the Astrolustris. Lucille gets a glimpse of home, while Noah and Timmit reach out to Thaumus for some arcane assistance.
Content warnings for this week’s episode include coarse language and minor references to drugs.
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Dungeon Master, Community Manager, and Editing is Tyrone Cross
Noah is Steven Edwards
Timothy and Editing Assistant is Olive Jerome
Lucille is Rosemary Ochtman
Magnolia is Jorja Odd
Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant
Jemma Law is our Transcriber
Theme song is “Belly of The Beast” by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas (@lilyharnath & @henrylucas5)
Email us at portalquandary@gmail.com
Sound effects used in this episode include:
sun40 - levelclearer
Cosmos13 - levelclearer
Nostromo17 - levelclearer
Air Wind Whiff Blow - qubodup
small puddle splash sound effect - Garuda1982
sunshine333 - levelclearer
Intro_snow4 - levelclearer
Synthetic Chipring - Owdeo
This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, Bunerong, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders.
The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased) is intended or should be inferred.
The party issues a public apology to the city of Lambence on Tea Day. As they prepare for their descent into Novis, they make some new discoveries about the city's past and the nature of the Astrolustris. Lucille gets a glimpse of home, while Noah and Timmit reach out to Thaumus for some arcane assistance.
Content warnings for this week’s episode include coarse language and minor references to drugs.
Find us on Instagram
Follow us on TikTok
Like us on Facebook
Follow us on Threads
Dungeon Master, Community Manager, and Editing is Tyrone Cross
Noah is Steven Edwards
Timothy and Editing Assistant is Olive Jerome
Lucille is Rosemary Ochtman
Magnolia is Jorja Odd
Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant
Jemma Law is our Transcriber
Theme song is “Belly of The Beast” by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas (@lilyharnath & @henrylucas5)
Email us at portalquandary@gmail.com
Sound effects used in this episode include:
sun40 - levelclearer
Cosmos13 - levelclearer
Nostromo17 - levelclearer
Air Wind Whiff Blow - qubodup
small puddle splash sound effect - Garuda1982
sunshine333 - levelclearer
Intro_snow4 - levelclearer
Synthetic Chipring - Owdeo
This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, Bunerong, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders.
The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased) is intended or should be inferred.
Rosie/Lucille: Portal Quandary has some content warnings which you can find in the episode description.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The echoing footfalls of a retreating guard bounces around the cold, dark space. They do their rounds with robotic precision to a schedule that, while unfamiliar, is unflinchingly consistent. A lone figure waits, his ear twitching until the echo fades. Once it's gone, he slumps against the bars of the holding cell, head in his hands. It's been a long day. He has no idea where the others were taken. No idea if they're even still alive. They wouldn't even be here if not for him. He shakes his head. Helpful thoughts only. There are three things on Kyros' immediate to-do list:
Simple. Ish. Well. He built a (mostly) functional interdimensional portal device. He can do this. Hopefully.
Tyrone/Kyros: What I wouldn't give for Parav and his lockpicks right now.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He mutters. The echo of footsteps returns, approaching quickly compared to their measured retreat earlier. Kyros snaps to attention - the guard patrol is early by a long shot. They've not deviated from their schedule before. The fairy approaches, and instead of strolling past, he comes to a stop outside Kyros' cell. His face betrays a mix of fear and excitement, nothing like the apathetic mask of the guard patrols marching past.
Tyrone/Agent Jack: Kyros, right?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The fairy asks, hand digging around in his pocket.
Tyrone/Kyros: That's me
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The winter court fairy pulls out a keyring, hands shaking as he inserts it into the cell door. It unlocks with an audible clunk.
Tyrone/Agent Jack: The name's Jack, if you didn't remember. I think we got off on the wrong foot before.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Kyros stands as the cell door swings open. He steps out past the antimagic wards. With a slow trickle, his magic begins returning to him. There are two things on Kyros' immediate to-do list. He's pretty confident he's got this.
Theme Song: *rock music plays*
Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hello, and welcome to episode eleven of Portal Quandary Prophis. I think we’re just going to dive straight into it because we’ve got a lot to cover today, and the first thing we’re going to cover is actually going to be decided by a rock-paper-scissors game between Olive and Rosie because someone is going to the museum or someone’s going to go to Thaumus first. Who’s it going to be?
Olive/Timmit: You ready for this punk?
Rosie/Lucille + Olive/Timmit: Scissors, paper, rock. Scissors, paper, rock.
Olive/Timmit: Yes!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Olive is the winner. As Cleary is taking us all to the shops, we’re going to do a little bit of a flashback. Put in some flashback music here.
Rosie/Lucille + Jorja/Magnolia: Flash!
*mystical echo*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: We’ve just been to see Cleary and now you’re going to see Thaumus? You’re actually heading to Thaumus this time, are you?
Olive/Timmit: Yes, so after I left Cleary’s just massively disappointed in myself, I’ll head straight to Thaumus.
[music]
Tyrone/Thaumus: Hello darling! You’re back.
Olive/Timmit: Oh hi! Hi. How have you been?
Tyrone/Thaumus: I’ve been fabulous. This tea is to die for.
Olive/Timmit: Oh, it truly is amazing. I mean, honestly, I know it’s tea, but what do you put in it?
Tyrone/Thaumus: Well it’s a dandelion tea, darling.
Olive/Timmit: Just a normal dandelion?
Tyrone/Thaumus: Well I’m sure it’s a different dandelion to whatever dandelions you have, but….
Olive/Timmit: Sorry, what were you saying Thaumus?
Tyrone/Thaumus: No, what are you doing here, darling? You’re the one who’s come to me.
Olive/Timmit: Oh, yes. No, of course, of course. I just- I mean, you really helped me and you helped my friends with the knowledge that you imparted upon me, and I didn’t mean to intrude. I was just hoping that you would teach me some more.
Tyrone/Thaumus: You’re looking for another cheeky lesson are you?
Olive/Timmit: I suppose.
Tyrone/Thaumus: I’m sure we can fit a little bit in before your public apology I’m hearing about later today.
Olive/Timmit: I would really rather not think about that because of the goats…
Tyrone/Thaumus: Naughty, naughty.
Olive/Timmit: Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I was really hoping that you’d teach me something… I know that all of this magic is from your world, but something that meant a little more to you personally maybe.
Tyrone/Thaumus: Oh? You just want me to teach you whatever I want?
Olive/Timmit: Yeah.
Tyrone/Thaumus: Okay… This one is really popular with the youngins learning how to do their magic for the first time, so after me.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And roll me an arcana check please.
Olive/Timmit: Ooo, goodie. Let’s roll us a natural one to start us off.
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah!
*dice rolls*
Olive/Timmit: Okay, okay, let me consult my notes.
Jorja/Magnolia: You mean your character sheet?
Olive/Timmit: Yeah. Fifteen.
Tyrone/Thaumus: Alrighty, so I’m going to try the spell on you just to show it out.
Olive/Timmit: Okay, is it going to hurt?
Tyrone/Thaumus: Hopefully not.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: As she summons a bouquet of flowers that appear all around you, and I’d like you to roll me a dexterity saving throw please.
Olive/Timmit: Oh yes, the best at which I am.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Timmit: Eighteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Damn, alright. You manage to dodge out of the way as you’ve seen this before in a circus where the flowers go to spray water in your direction. You aint having a bar of that.
Olive/Timmit: Woah! I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to- Just the water with my clothes and everything, and I need to do the apology later, but that was really cool!
Tyrone/Thaumus: Keep watching.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And the flowers disappear, and you now need to make a wisdom saving throw.
Olive/Timmit: Oh, okay.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Timmit: That’s a natural twenty. For a twenty-four.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Fucking hell. Apparently nothing happens.
Tyrone/Thaumus: Ah, you’ve mastered the art of dodging it already.
Olive/Timmit: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s just that I’m prepared for it. You know, I see it coming and I can’t. I just have to reflexively- Just go. Just go whenever. Just don’t tell me. I’m just going to close my eyes and just go.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You gotta roll another dexterity saving throw.
Olive/Timmit: Okay, okay, okay.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Timmit: That’s better. Seven.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes, so the flowers have back, and this time you are closing your eyes because you told her that was what you were going to do, and now you’ve got water sprayed in your face. Making you blind for the next six seconds.
Olive/Timmit: Oww. What? Where? Wh-
Tyrone/Thaumus: Hehehe. This one is a little mischievous, which is why the youngins love it. Do you want to give it a go on me?
Olive/Timmit: Oh, yes, of course. Alright, okay. What do I need to do?
Tyrone/Thaumus: Just, in my direction, you want to think as many mischievous thoughts as you can.
Olive/Timmit: Okay, okay. I’ll grip the gavel tightly in my hand, and begin to think of some mischievous thoughts, and the only thing that comes up is almost every single second that I’ve spent hanging out with Lucille. She just fills my mind with all of her shenanigans, and then I will cast it in the space.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You already succeeded on the arcana check, so you can just roll on the d4.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Timmit: That’s a one.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, the smell of apple pie fills the air, and I have to make a wisdom saving throw.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Seventeen.
Olive/Timmit: She does save.
Tyrone/Thaumus: Mmm, the apple pie is to die for.
Olive/Timmit: Dandelion tea and apple pie. Now I’m hungry.
Tyrone/Thaumus: Give it another twirl.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Timmit: Another one.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll my save one more time.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s a little bit less. That’s an eleven.
Olive/Timmit: Yeah, fail.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Thaumus has become charmed for the next six seconds.
Olive/Timmit: Actually, I will use that six seconds.
Rosie/Lucille: *laughter* Of course you will. Little gremlin.
Olive/Timmit: No, just to kind of, “You know so much. What’s something that you wouldn’t teach an amateur”
Tyrone/Thaumus: I probably wouldn’t ever teach anyone Power Word Kill. That doesn’t sound like something anyone else should know.
Olive/Timmit: “I think I have to agree with you on that, yeah,” and I will just allow the spell to dissipate in the space.
Tyrone/Thaumus: Sorry, I don’t know what just came over me. Why was I talking about Power Word Kill?
Olive/Timmit: I don’t know. I mean, that’s a very powerful magic. Thank you, thank you.
Steven/Noah: She’s like, ‘Power Word Kill? I would never slay someone so hard. Have I used it? Maybe’.
*laughter*
Tyrone/Thaumus: So, besides that spell, is there anything else I can teach you?
Olive/Timmit: Well Thaumus, I have a little secret I need to tell you.
Tyrone/Thaumus: I can keep a secret.
Olive/Timmit: There’s something that’s not quite right or human about me. Like there’s these things that I feel kind of changing, and, I don’t know, it feels different to the rest of the magic that I can use. It’s not around me. It’s in me, and I was hoping you could help me channel that.
Tyrone/Thaumus: That’s because you’re not human dear. You’re… what did the textbooks call your… You’re a genasi, honey.
Olive/Timmit: Oh, oh okay. Well that would explain why I’m small.
Tyrone/Thaumus: Yes, you’ve got the power of fire inside of you, darling.
Olive/Timmit: Could you help me control it?
Tyrone/Thaumus: I mean, you’ve already shown off some interesting fire abilities already, but I’ve got one more idea, but this one maybe needs my balcony for this one. This is not for inside. Alright, repeat after me.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And she’s just gonna open up her mouth, and just a fire breath is going to come out.
*fire jet SFX*
Olive/Timmit: “Okay, alright. Just copy you, sure. Yeah, I can repeat that. Easy done.” Do you want me to roll another arcana check?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes please. You’re not learning it if you roll bad. It’s a higher DC from last time.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Timmit: Oh shit! It’s only twelve.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You go to let out the breath, and you sort of like:
*breath SFX*
Tyrone/Thaumus: I think you might have to practise that one in your own time dear. I think I can see your friends down below. They’re getting some tea, so it’s time to come back inside.
Olive/Timmit: Oh shit, then I should probably meet up with them. Alright, okay. Well, thank you. I’ll practise, and hopefully I get it right next time I get here. I don’t know if I’ll be back, but thank you. I really appreciate it Thaumus.
Tyrone/Thaumus: That’s okay. That one’s called Dragon’s Breath, which is kind of topical if you guys are heading to Novis next.
Olive/Timmit: Yeah, well I don’t know. Maybe they can teach me something. Yeah, okay, bye!
Tyrone/Thaumus: Bye!
Olive/Timmit: As I leave the room, I’ll cast Prestidigitation to clear away all the water that's been left behind on poor Thaumus’s floor.
*mystical echo*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Meanwhile, over at the museum.
Steven/Noah: One eternity later.
[music]
Tyrone/Oberon: Lucille, here we’ve arrived at the museum. Shall we take a stroll?
Rosie/Lucille: Yes, I believe that we shall. Thank you lord king.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And we come to a statue of a fairy who kind of looks a little bit like Oberon but kind of not, and you’ll notice a plaque as it says, ‘King Oberon’
Tyrone/Oberon: This was my grandfather, Oberon.
Rosie/Lucille: So, in a way you’re Oberon.
Tyrone/Oberon: Correct.
Rosie/Lucille: Interesting. Good to know.
Tyrone/Oberon: He is my namesake.
Rosie/Lucille: So a line of Oberons. Have they always ruled?
Tyrone/Oberon: My family has ruled, yes; however, I do not have any heirs to pass on the line, so it may end with me.
Rosie/Lucille: Oh, that’s very sad to hear. If only there was anything I could do to help. I’m not sure what, but I really would like to if I could. You know, for the kingdom.
Tyrone/Oberon: If only there was something. Alas.
Rosie/Lucille: Or someone.
Tyrone/Oberon: It’s hard being king. You don’t really have time for that side of things, and with most of my family passed away no-one's breathing down my throat to find and heir.
Rosie/Lucille: No, no, I completely understand. It’s the same for me with my goats because it’s basically like I’m the king of the goats, and all my family - you know all of them - they’re not there anymore, so I’m kind of in the same boat here, you know?
Tyrone/Oberon: So, do you have a husband, Lucille?
Rosie/Lucille: No, not at the moment.
Tyrone/Oberon: A wife? I shouldn’t presume.
Rosie/Lucille: No, not that either, no. Just my goats. Just me and my goats.
Tyrone/Oberon: Did you have a husband?
Rosie/Lucille: Oh, many years ago I was married. Had children. You know, they’re still about. They’re not gone gone, you know? They’re just gone. Yeah.
Tyrone/Oberon: And what happened to him?
Rosie/Lucille: Oh, I’d rather not say, but it was to do with some goats. It was a while ago though.
Tyrone/Oberon: I’m sure he couldn’t see the difference between your love for goats and your love for him.
Rosie/Lucille: Yes, it was quite the same- Oh.
*laughter*
Rosie/Lucille: That sounds bad too. It wasn’t quite the same, no.
Tyrone/Oberon: Moving on. Let’s continue through the museum, shall we?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: We get to this very large painting. You ever go to a museum and there’s an obnoxiously large painting. It’s one of those, and it’s in the style of The Birth of Venus or something. It’s a whole bunch of fae just lounging around in the woods. Having a good old laugh. He’s like:
Tyrone/Oberon: This is quite an aged painting. I’m not sure who the painting actually was, but it depicts us back in our homeworld.
Rosie/Lucille: What’s the painting like?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What’s it like?
Rosie/Lucille: Yeah.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Just going off the fact that I said it was like Birth of Venus, it’s very Renaissance style. Very natural. Very realistic. Yeah.
Rosie/Lucille: So, what are they doing in it? Are they drinking tea, or…?
Tyrone/Oberon: Believe it or not, the activities in this painting were before our love of tea.
Rosie/Lucille: Before? There was a before the love of tea? My gosh.
Tyrone/Oberon: Well the blend is what we discovered here in Prophis, but this is before we were here in Prophis.
Rosie/Lucille: Well, while I’ve got you here. I did actually have a little thing that I wanted to talk to you about here. Now, I’ve brought up bringing my goats here, correct? We can have them on a farm, and you said that would be hard, and all of those lovely things that we spoke about. What about- What would you say if, because someone needs to look after your goats here, right? Before they’re slaughtered, as you said.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Did I say slaughter?
Rosie/Lucille: Oh, someone said slaughtered. Anyway, we know they’re getting slaughtered, but anyway someone obviously needs to take care of them, and I feel that they should have the best lives possible before they’re eaten because then you’re eating… You know, it’s got good in it. So, I would like to put myself forward as the keeper of the goats.
Tyrone/Oberon: I could certainly discuss this with Onyx. He’s in charge of them currently, but I’m sure that he’d accept the extra hand. Would you be willing to look after the other Exos as well?
Rosie/Lucille: As in the goats?
Tyrone/Oberon: Well, the goats, the other things that we have gotten in the past…
Rosie/Lucille: Well you see my expertise is really with goats, so…
Tyrone/Oberon: We can take that into consideration. I’m sure you could look after this batch, and someone else can look after the other batches.
Rosie/Lucille: Thank you lord king. I wouldn’t let you down.
Tyrone/Oberon: Well after your public apology we could make arrangements for them. We can find a place for them to set up and for an office for you.
Rosie/Lucille: Oh yes, not to worry. I’ve got that rehearsed in my head from the heart.
Tyrone/Oberon: Shall we head for a cup of tea at the gift shop on the way out?
Rosie/Lucille: Oh, I would love nothing more than a cup of tea with my majesty.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And we slowly fade back into the present over this cup of tea.
Rosie/Lucille: Will you have fade music?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, I’ll put in something .
*mystical echos*
Tyrone/Cleary: Alright, looks like there’s some good things at the shops. What do you guys want? Have we decided where we're going? Do we know what we’re prepping for?
Jorja/Magnolia: I feel like we’ve decided…? We’re going to the air right?
Olive/Timmit: I thought we were going to the fire.
Jorja/Magnolia: No, because you- We- I’m so confused.
Olive/Timmit: Guys.
Steven/Noah: Pretty sure it’s fire.
Olive/Timmit: We talked about this like twenty minutes ago. I was sure that we had a plan, but fuck me if I haven’t forgotten what it was.
Rosie/Lucille: There’s never a plan.
Jorja/Magnolia: Cleary, we’ve decided that we’re just going to wing it.
Rosie/Lucille: Does that mean air, like we’re flying, like winging?
Jorja/Magnolia: So we’re going to fire, right?
Olive/Timmit: Now I don’t know. Now I don’t believe you. What are we doing?
Steven/Noah: We’re going to fire island.
Jorja/Magnolia: We’re going to fire, Cleary!
Tyrone/Cleary: Novis. Some news about that, so that you guys know what to prepare for. Yeah, we got some news from Solas. You guys haven’t met Solas. He’s in charge of engineering. He had the team of miners out in Novis. Mining for the elemental gems and stuff.
Olive/Timmit: Why do they send kids out to mine?
Tyrone/Cleary: No, like people who mine. Yes, so we got reports that all mining operations have halted because they kind of mined too far into the volcano and may have awakened a dragon.
Rosie/Lucille: Ooo, a dragon.
Olive/Timmit: I’m sorry, did you just say they found a dragon!?
Tyrone/Cleary: The Astronovis, but yes. It’s a dragon this time.
Rosie/Lucille: I’ve heard that goats and dragons can be very good friends.
Olive/Timmit: Where? In which book have you ever read that?
Rosie/Lucille: The book of life.
Olive/Timmit: You know what Lucille? Sure. Quick time out. Are we sure we wanna do this? I was obsessed with dragons as I kid, like they were fucking cool.
Jorja/Magnolia: I have a question. So, we had to fight the last one, but the first one we just had to do a puzzle. Are we going to have to fight the dragon, or answer riddles, or…?
Rosie/Lucille: Be it’s friend?
Tyrone/Cleary: I mean, I haven’t met the dragon, but the miners did seem very scared of it, and ran away, and refused to work in the mines again until it’s dealt with.
Jorja/Magnolia: Do we know anything about… Because we had some insight into these other places but not this one?
Olive/Timmit: Do you have a library?
Tyrone/Cleary: We do.
Olive/Timmit: Okay, alright. Maybe tonight we stay here and rest, and I can take a look and see if I can find anything. I don’t know. If you want to ask around and see if anyone knows anything.
Steven/Noah: I’d like to not be blue to be honest. I’d probably stick out like a sore thumb in the volcano area.
Rosie/Lucille: Maybe the dragon will think that you’re one of them. Maybe it’s colour blind, and blue’s the same colour as it.
Steven/Noah: Yeah, let’s gamble on that!
Olive/Timmit: I can take you to see Thaumus. Just warning you that she’s in a mood today.
Steven/Noah: Oh? What kind of mood?
Olive/Timmit: Just, I don’t know how to explain it. These people here are a little….
Steven/Noah: Noah’s going to look up and down Timmit, and be like, “Yeah, just here.”
Olive/Timmit: Hey. You’re blue.
Steven/Noah: Don’t sass me boy.
Olive/Timmit: Watchu gonna do? Watchu, watchu gonna do?
Jorja/Magnolia: Alright, Timmit. Stop trying to fight everyone. Just chill out.
Olive/Timmit: I’m on fire, baby. I can’t chill.
Tyrone/Cleary: So, guys. Who would like something? I’m running out of time.
Rosie/Lucille: I would like to see my goats again.
Tyrone/Cleary: Yes, we’re building a portal machine so you can go and see your goats again.
Rosie/Lucille: Is there not some T.V. I could look at that has them there just to look at? Anything?
Tyrone/Cleary: Sorry, what’s a T.V.?
Rosie/Lucille: Oh. Oh no. How do I explain this?
Steven/Noah: Go to the library with Timmit.
Olive/Timmit: Hang on. What about a mirror? Like Snow White? The mirror, and you can see shit?
Tyrone/Cleary: Who’s Snow White?
Olive/Timmit: She’s very powerful. Mage.
Jorja/Magnolia: I feel like she’d be a druid first of all.
Tyrone/Cleary: So, you’re talking about scrying. Like, you’re trying to see them even though you’re here and they’re there.
Rosie/Lucille: Yeah. Just to see what they’re up to, you know? What little shenanigans they’re up to on the farm.
Tyrone/Cleary: Let me go talk to someone. I’ll be back.
Rosie/Lucille: Oh yay. Thank you.
And she’ll come back with exactly that. A mirror. Like a hand mirror.
Tyrone/Cleary: The guy says that this is a scrying mirror. Says that you can think about what you want to look at, and you can look at it?
Rosie/Lucille: Like real-time? If I’m looking at them and they take a step, I see them taking a step?
Tyrone/Cleary: Yeah.
Rosie/Lucille: That’s very cool. Nice.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, Rosie. Speaking directly to Rosie now. We’ve got a couple of rules about this.
Rosie/Lucille: Okay. Notes. I’m writing notes.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, audiences, we’re homebrewing this, so please bear with me. So, you can see a place that you’re familiar with. So, you have to have been there, but you can only see a ten foot square. There’s also only two options for it to work.
Rosie/Lucille: Okay.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The first option is you have to roll an arcana roll, DC fifteen, and if that works you need to tell it a secret, but if you don’t want it to do that - you want it to definitely work - you have to sacrifice something that’s important to you.
Rosie/Lucille: It would have to be a goat then. I’d have to sacrifice a goat, wouldn’t I?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, to sacrifice it you basically have to pull it through the mirror, and it’ll take it. For example - a throwing star. You could put that into the mirror, and that would be the sacrifice.
Rosie/Lucille: Ah, okay, cool, but I could just tell a secret instead, and it’s less likely to work with the secret?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, pretty much. There’s only a chance of it working with the secret.
Rosie/Lucille: Okay, cool.
Jorja/Magnolia: Does she have to say the secret out loud so that we would all be able to hear it?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It could be either way.
Jorja/Magnolia: Or is it whispered into the mirror so that we don’t hear?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: As long as the mirror can hear it, of course.
Maybe her conscience will tell her to speak up a little bit.
Rosie/Lucille: Can I try it now or not?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master:Yeah, give it a go! Are you going to sacrifice something to it, or are you going to do the secret?
Rosie/Lucille: Okay. Oh no, I’ll tell a secret.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, roll the arcana roll. DC fifteen? DC twelve. It’s a fifty fifty chance for you basically,
Rosie/Lucille: Okay. Nice. I’ll change that to twelve.
*dice rolls*
Rosie/Lucille: Oh, seven.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It doesn’t seem to work for you. You can’t figure this thing out.
Rosie/Lucille: Grr. Yeah, I’m going to give up for now. I’ll come back to that one. That’s throughout the day on a trip kind of thing, you know? Keep rolling that dice.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: All sales are final. You don’t get a refund. No returns.
Rosie/Lucille: Oh okay.
Steven/Noah: I have a question regarding this mirror.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.
Steven/Noah: Is it a magical item?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.
Steven/Noah: Noted.
Rosie/Lucille: Why?
Steven/Noah: No reason.
Tyrone/Cleary: Right, who’s up next?
Jorja/Magnolia: “I really love this armour and how it looks, but I’m really scared about getting hit because you said dragon, and there’s been some big hits lately that I just want to avoid. So, is there some sort of armour that could stop the really bad hits?” Jorja wants adamantine plate armour.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: AC of eighteen!
Jorja/Magnolia: Just regular things.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Do you have a strength of fifteen at least? I’m sure.
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, nineteen. Woo!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You still get disadvantage at stealth.
Jorja/Magnolia: Yep.
Tyrone/Cleary: I’ll be right back. Ooo, sorry.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to pull out a measuring tape because, you know, she’s a carabiner lesbian, so she’s got everything attached to her.
Jorja/Magnolia: Hell yeah dude. Multitools!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She just pulls out a measuring tape, and gets you to put your arms out. Quickly measures you all over.
Tyrone/Cleary: I’ll be right back.
Jorja/Magnolia: Okay.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She comes back, and she’s lugging full plate armour. Like:
Tyrone/Cleary: Put it on!
Jorja/Magnolia: “Okay!” I put it on.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re just stripping in the middle of the streets?
Jorja/Magnolia: I’m a rabbit. I feel like it doesn’t matter.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’ve gotten over it? It fits perfectly. What does it look like?
Jorja/Magnolia: Ooo, okay. Well, I feel like everything here is still nature themed, so it’s still gonna have greens and browns and yellows, and then I think once I put it on and it fits there’s going to be one image of a flower bud that blooms as I put it on.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Aww, that’s cute.
Rosie/Lucille: Naww. Cute little flower.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Does it have a helmet?
Jorja/Magnolia: Ah, nup. Maybe? What does plate armour look like?
Rosie/Lucille: I imagine it’s like lots of kitchen plates sewn together. Then when your enemies hit them, they get cut.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The actual one is supposed to. It’s supposed to have a visored helmet.
Jorja/Magnolia: I think there will be. She might not wear it all the time, but there’s already going to be little holes for her ears to stick out.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Cute. So, Magnolia’s armour has gone up to eighteen.
Jorja/Magnolia: Well, it’s actually at twenty.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Wait. Because of why?
Jorja/Magnolia: I have a shield.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I forgot about your shield - your fossilised shield.
Tyrone/Cleary: Okay, who would like to go next?
Steven/Noah: I would like to buy a shield.
*laughter*
Steven/Noah: Yeah, I just think that I’m loving the sword. I think I need a shield for blocking as well.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Does Link need a Hylian Shield to go with his Master Sword?
Steven/Noah: Yeah. He draws the Hylian Shield, and he’s like, ‘This. I want this’.
Tyrone/Cleary: I’ll go show it to the forgers I guess. I’ll be back.
Steven/Noah: Oh my god, thank you.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They come back after some amount of time because it takes time to make a custom shield, but she come back with a dull - not even replica - she comes back with a Hylian Shield.
Steven/Noah: Gorgeous.
Rosie/Lucille: What were we doing while we were waiting? Were we having a little jig? Hanging out?
Olive/Timmit: Timmit is just furiously pacing forward. Just anxious at the hint of dragon. He’s just sweating.
Steven/Noah: So, to clarify, that shield gives me a plus three?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Correct, and I know what you’re going to do with that.
Steven/Noah: I’m just going to take the shield. I shall thank Cleary, and then I will scurry off into a corner, and kneel down on the ground in front of the shield.
Jorja/Magnolia: I’m going to follow him and stand guard.” Thanks Cleary”, and I’m going to stand in front of him.
Tyrone/Cleary: Bye.
Jorja/Magnolia: Well, behind I guess.
Tyrone/Cleary: Timmit, that just leaves you.
Olive/Timmit: Lucky last. You know, I was thinking about it, and Thaumus has been teaching me all this new magic and I wanted there to be a way that would let me utilise that a little more efficiently, so I was hoping I could get something that would allow me to do just a little bit more every day.
Tyrone/Cleary: This one’s a little common one, especially for the guys that are still learning because it takes a lot of energy out of them, so it’s a good way to get it back into them. Anyway, yeah, I’ll be right back. I know just where to go.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s very quick this time. She knows exactly what shop to go to. She comes back with this little pearl. I will let you tell us what it looks like.
Olive/Timmit: It’s just a little marble that fits very neatly in the palm of your hand, and it’s completely white over with just a streak of a deep red that runs along the circumference of it.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Fuck yes. So, this is the pearl of power.
Olive/Timmit: Pearl of power.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Which lets you get back a spell slot under third level or something.
Olive/Timmit: Under fourth level. So, anything third level and under, yeah.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s good shit, If you’re going to play a magic character, play a magic character.
Olive/Timmit: Absolutely.
Tyrone/Cleary: Oh, look at the time actually. It’s almost sunset, so the king’s expecting you, and he’s up in his balcony. Let’s hurry back. Noah, what are you doing over there?
Steven/Noah: He’s going to be waving a hand. “Shh”.
Tyrone/Cleary: The king will be upset if you’re not there.
Steven/Noah: *frustrated sounds* “Fuck!” He’s going to pack it up on top of Skittles, like where he was up to, and follow.
Tyrone/Cleary: Are we ready?
Rosie/Lucille: To see the king?
Tyrone/Cleary: Yes.
Rosie/Lucille: Yes.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Illumen is there waiting.
Steven/Noah: But, I’m still blue.
Olive/Timmit: Will there be enough time to pop off to Thaumus just for a quick second? It won’t take long. She’s very powerful.
Tyrone/Cleary: Well we can do it after. We can do it in the evening, but you’ve got to do it now while the citizens are still up.
Steven/Noah: I’m not quite sure I want to do the speech while I’m blue.
Tyrone/Cleary: Well you made the decision that you wanted to go shopping, and that it would be okay if you were blue. Remember?
Steven/Noah: “You said we were going shopping.” Noah’s real upset. He’s having stage fright issues.
Tyrone/Cleary: You said that it didn’t matter. It was like half an hour ago. You were like, ‘It doesn’t matter if I’m blue. It’s not affecting me. It’s fine.’
Steven/Noah: *shushing noises* Okay.
Jorja/Magnolia: I’m going to put my hand on Noah, and be like, ‘It’s okay. It’s fine. Even if you’re blue, everyone loves you,” and I’m going to cast Heroism.
*laughter*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You got this.
Steven/Noah: Noah’s going to feel this sensation of like, ‘Yeah, everything’s okay’, and it’s somewhat familiar.
Jorja/Magnolia: I’ve seen this before.
*portal SFX*
Crit ‘n’ Miss Ad: Hi there, Sven here from Crit ‘n’ Miss roleplaying games. Let me ask you a question. Do you like listening to tabletop RPGs? Of course you do, you’re listening to this podcast. Well when you finish this episode, and you still need more tabletop RPGS in your life, be sure to check us out on Twitch. www.twitch.tv/crit_n_miss. We feature a number of D&D and tabletop RPG actual-play live streams with new episodes coming out every single week with a rotating roster of DMs and players. You can even join in the fun by redeeming crit coins to purchase cards for the players during any of our live streams. So what are you waiting for? Join the critverse and follow us on Twitch right now. See you in the chat.
*portal SFX*
[music]
Tyrone/Oberon: Ah, our little party is here. Thank you Lucille for beginning everyone together.
Rosie/Lucille: Oh yes, it was me. I got them all to come.
Tyrone/Oberon: Well the city is waiting.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’ll usher you out onto the balcony.
Tyrone/Oberon: *booming* The citizens of Lambence, please, may I have your attention?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can hear his voice booming for a moment as if he’s cast Thaumaturgy on himself, and you can see everyone in the city stop what they’re doing and look up. Being like, ‘Oop, what’s the king got to say?’
Tyrone/Oberon: *booming* Our guests in our city have enjoyed our Tea Day; however, there have been some wrong doings on their behalf. Namely, Lucille Von Goat.
Rosie/Lucille: Lucille’s just going to do a little wave.
Tyrone/Oberon: *booming* They interrupted a transport of our Exos yesterday. Stopping our food supplies. We have explained the issues and we have punished them as such, but they are here to give an apology to each and every one of you.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And he’ll step back, and let you guys go forward.
Steven/Noah: Sorry, just really quick. How were we punished?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You guys don’t have access to the armoury, and they’re not going to give you rations or supplies or anything.
Rosie/Lucille: Oh yeah.
Steven/Noah: Okay.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You guys got free shit because you did the thing for Cleary, and Cleary is doing it on the downlow.
Rosie/Lucille: Oh yeah, love Cleary.
Steven/Noah: What a babe.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oberon’s looking at you expectantly.
Rosie/Lucille: Like. me, or everyone?
Steven/Noah: Noah is looking at Lucille, yes.
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, Magnolia’s looking at Lucille because you were mentioned by name.
Rosie/Lucille: Ah hah, alright. Lucille’s just going to walk forward, and, you know, “Yes, hello everyone. It’s me, Lucille. I’m a goat farmer. Live outside of Melbourne. You probably haven’t been there. It’s pretty nice. Gets pretty cold in winter. Not like here. This is lovely. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I am extremely, extremely sorry for stopping the transport of your food. I genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, I had no idea what I was doing. I just have this love of goats, and, you see, I have this goat farm back home. I have this lovely little homestead where I make homemade marmalade, and I have my children over, and it’s just lovely. You know, sweet old lady shit, and I just saw the goats, and I felt so sorry for them because they were in a cage, and my instincts - like my mother nature just kicked in, and all I can do is ask for your forgiveness. I truly am sorry.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s looking very happy. He’s looking to the others, like, ‘Yes?’
Rosie/Lucille: Do I roll deception because I lied a lot, or no?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Did you lie?
Rosie/Lucille: Yes.
*laughter*
Jorja/Magnolia: She absolutely knew what she was doing.
Steven/Noah: The lying began when I said, ‘Hello everyone’.
Rosie/Lucille: And when I said, ‘I’m sorry’.
Jorja/Magnolia: It started when she weirdly started with a British accent.
Rosie/Lucille: Did I?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.
Jorja/Magnolia: A little bit, yeah.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can either roll a deception or a performance.
*dice rolls*
Rosie/Lucille: Twenty-five.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They’re pretty convinced. The citizens are like, ‘Yeah.’ They’re good.
Rosie/Lucille: Heck yeah. Nice.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They’re picking up what you’re putting down. They don’t know who you are.
Steven/Noah: They don’t give a fuck.
Tyrone/Oberon: Anyone else?
Steven/Noah: Who’s next?
Jorja/Magnolia: Ugh, I guess I’ll step forward. “Hello friends. I know some of you. We met earlier. We had tea.” I’m going to point to someone that I saw and finger guns at them. “So, we’re new, and we don’t really know what we're doing. All we’re trying to do is help. Now I spoke to those goats, and they said they didn’t want to be there, so I was just listening to them because that’s all that I knew about. So, I’m really sorry, but I have been informed about the situation that’s happening, and it won’t happen again, and I think I made some friends down there, so you know that I’m being genuine. That I just want to help and figure out what’s going on with you guys and get you back to where you want to go, so I’m very, very sorry.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oberon looks pleased. He’s looking over to Timmit and Noah now.
Steven/Noah: Noah is immediately looking down and nudging Timmit.
Olive/Timmit: Timmit will walk up and look over the crowd. Take a short deep breath. “Ladies and gentlemen and fairy kind, I would very humbly like to offer my apologies for the disruption that we caused for all of you. It will not happen again. In this, you have my solemn word on,” and that’s it,
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lovely. Noah.
Steven/Noah: Noah is going to reach into his pocket and fumble a little stone. He’s going to tap it twice, and he’s going to lip-sync for his mother fucking life, and he will move his mouth like a puppet while the stone is emanating a speech to the crowd along the lines of, “Greetings. I agree with all of my fellow party members that we have wronged you, and for that we sincerely apologise. Now, some of you may be wondering why I’m blue. This is an unfortunate consequence of my adventure out into the wilderness of this land. We are trying our very best to return home, so we know exactly how you feel being so far from home, so we apologise. Thank you.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Noah, please roll me a performance.
Steven/Noah: *laughter* What are you talking about? I’m lip-syncing for my mother fucking life.
*dice roll*
Steven/Noah: Nineteen, baby.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Pretty good. You pass it off pretty well. The citizens look very understanding and they look pretty intrigued to hear you guys talk to be honest.
Rosie/Lucille: We’re like zoo animals to them, aren’t we?
Olive/Timmit: Not you.
Rosie/Lucille: I mean, yeah, I’m a fairy.
Olive/Timmit: Yeah.
Tyrone/Oberon: *booming* Thank you everyone for taking the time to listen to this. Please go about your day, and enjoy what hours we have left of Tea Day.
Olive/Timmit: You mean ‘today’.
Jorja/Magnolia: Don’t make us have to apologise again. Just shh.
Olive/Timmit: Oh, okay.
Tyrone/Oberon: Thank you everyone. We’ll let you know when you can have access to our armoury or to our supplies again.
Jorja/Magnolia: Thank you. Again, really we are sorry. I mean you can tell we’re all idiots, so…
Rosie/Lucille: Lucille’s trying really hard not to say anything about this because she knows if she says she’s not an idiot it could stuff it up, but she really wants to say she’s not an idiot.
Olive/Timmit: Timmit is literally biting his tongue. He’s little hands are bunched up. He’s like, ‘I’m not an idiot. I’m a small boy’.
Steven/Noah: Noah is reached on top of Skittles, and is trying to remember where he was up to with his shield.
Tyrone/Oberon: Please enjoy the rest of your evening. I have some ceremonies myself to take care of for Tea Day.
Jorja/Magnolia: Have fun. Good luck with it all.
Rosie/Lucille: Imagine having ceremonies - plural - to take care of.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s a king.
Rosie/Lucille: It’s crazy.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, we’re going to Thaumus? Is that the plan?
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah!
Steven/Noah: I would like to go to Thaumus, yes.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is everyone coming to watch him be deblued?
Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, I’ll watch the debluing ceremony.
Steven/Noah: I’m going to be deblued.
Jorja/Magnolia: Deblue. Deblue. Deblue. Deblue,
Steven/Noah: I invite you to my debluing.
Jorja/Magnolia: Here is your formal invitation.
[music]
Tyrone/Thaumus: Ah! Timmit, you’re back!
Olive/Timmit: Hi. Hi Thaumus. Yes. I’m sorry to bother you two times in one day, I know. I was just hoping I could ask for one small favour more.
Tyrone/Thaumus: Well I’m not doing any more lessons today. You need to keep up practising that Dragon’s Breath.
Olive/Timmit: Oh no. No, this isn’t for me. This is for a friend of mine.
Steven/Noah: I’m Noah.
Tyrone/Thaumus: Ah yes. I’ve been waiting to meet everyone in person. Come in.
Steven/Noah: I’m just going to speak telepathically to Magnolia, and just be like, “This girl gives me weird vibes. Like, what kind of crack is she on?”
Jorja/Magnolia: I just look over to Noah and nod.
Rosie/Lucille: I nod too.
Steven/Noah: We are nodding.
Jorja/Magnolia: Mmm, I agree fellow friends.
Olive/Timmit: Thaumus, I’m sure you’re already aware, but this is Magnolia.
Jorja/Magnolia: Hi!
Olive/Timmit: And this is Lucille.
Rosie/Lucille: Hi.
Olive/Timmit: And this is Noah.
Steven/Noah: I’m blue.
Olive/Timmit: No, you’re Noah.
Steven/Noah: Yes, but I’m also blue. Please help.
Tyrone/Thaumus: That’s a beautiful shade of blue. It sort of goes along well with Timmit’s shade of red.
Jorja/Magnolia: I’m in the background like, ‘No, don’t!’
Tyrone/Thaumus: Were you- I don’t remember you being blue before?
Steven/Noah: “No, I wasn't blue before. Good pick up.” I’m just talking to Magnolia again like, “Who the fuck is this crackpot?”
Olive/Timmit: She’s kind of right though. We do kind of oddly contrast.
Steven/Noah: Noah’s going to glare at Timmit.
Tyrone/Thaumus: I’m guessing you don’t want to be blue? Is that why we’re talking to me?
Steven/Noah: Yeah, that’s correct darling. I don’t like being blue. I touched a mushroom, and then I was blue. I also had heatstroke, so I don’t know if it was by choice or not.
Tyrone/Thaumus: Cleary’s mushrooms?
Jorja/Magnolia: Them’s the ones.
Tyrone/Thaumus: Ah, they’re quite fun, but you can have some effect like this.
Jorja/Magnolia: I’m going to find the nearest seat, and sit in it and watch and think about not being here. Magnolia’s uncomfortable.
Tyrone/Thaumus: Okay, well darling, come step into the circle.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to pull out some candles and make a candle.
Olive/Timmit: I would just like to say that as this happens I would like to be walking around and trying to learn the spell as subtly as I possibly can without being too obvious about it.
Steven/Noah: Yeah, Noah’s going to be telepathically talking to Timmit, and be like, “If this spell looks like it’s going to go to shit, please jump in and stop it. I’m very uncomfortable right now.”
Olive/Timmit: You see the gavel spin around in Timmit’s hands. He’s like, ‘I got this’.
Steven/Noah: I’ve got this.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Trying to sneak in a cheeky other spell, but I’ll allow it. You step into the circle of candles?
Steven/Noah: Reluctantly, yes.
Tyrone/Thaumus: Now this shouldn’t hurt a bit.
Rosie/Lucille: That’s what dentists say.
Steven/Noah: Noah’s going to speak into Lucille’s mind, and be like, “Now’s not the time.”
Rosie/Lucille: Lucille’s going to shut up.
*humming slowly builds*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And then she’s going to lay her hands on you, and she’s going to waterbend the blue out of you. You look down and you can see, starting at your feet, you can see the blue drain out of your feet, and suddenly this blue liquid is being pulled out of you as it’s swirling and swirling around the room until, slowly, you start becoming the normal Noah colour once again, and this blue liquid is just swirling and swirling around the room until finally she throws it across the room into an empty jar on the table. Now there’s this jar of blue.
Steven/Noah: I just got syphoned.
Tyrone/Thaumus: Do you want this?
Jorja/Magnolia: Yes please!
Tyrone/Thaumus: I was talking to Noah.
Steven/Noah: No, that’s okay. I think Magnolia seems pretty keen on that.
Tyrone/Thaumus: I won’t ask too many questions. Here you go darling.
Jorja/Magnolia: “Thank you!” I put it in my bag.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Add a jar of blue to your inventory.
Steven/Noah: Jar of blue.
Rosie/Lucille: A whole lot of blue.
Olive/Timmit: Could I attempt an arcana roll?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You sure can.
*dice roll*
Olive/Timmit: That is… I’m checking. Sixteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You are getting a pretty good understanding of it, but it does not pass the DC. You reckon you could do it if you saw it happen again, but for now, Nu-uh.
Olive/Timmit: Cool.
Tyrone/Thaumus: Is there anything else I could help you guys with while you’re here?
Steven/Noah: Any tips for travelling through Novis?
Tyrone/Thaumus: Well, I hear some lovely mine workers made a straight line directly to the volcano, which sounds mighty convenient for you.
Jorja/Magnolia: Can you make Skittles into a minecart?
Steven/Noah: Let me make some minor [miner] adjustments.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Bu dum tss. Miner adjustments.
Steven/Noah: Hehehe.
Olive/Timmit: Thaumus, what do you know about Novis?
Tyrone/Thaumus: It’s quite hot there, isn’t it dear?
Olive/Timmit: Well, yes, but the-
Tyrone/Thaumus: That’s where we get all of our gems from. You see all of these beautiful gems around the room? That’s where we get our gem mines from. Very useful in making the city go places. Helps us do magic. I think you guys had a ruby phone perhaps? That’s from the gem mines.
Steven/Noah: Yes, I don’t know what happened. I don’t know where it went.
Olive/Timmit: We did have one, yes.
Steven/Noah: It’s a mystery.
Olive/Timmit: It’s very interesting, but I’m more curious about the creature that…
Tyrone/Thaumus: The Astronovis?
Olive/Timmit: Yeah.
Tyrone/Thaumus: The dragon is what I hear. You want some tips on fighting dragons?
Olive/Timmit: Well I mean, if we don’t have to fight it…
Tyrone/Thaumus: I hear that dragons love a good treasure hoard, so they’re probably loving the elemental gem mines right now. Lots of treasure to be had there.
Steven/Noah: What do they do with all the treasure?
Tyrone/Thaumus: They hoard it, don’t they?
Steven/Noah: But why?
Rosie/Lucille: Maybe it feels good on their scales, so they sleep on it. Like the feeling of treasure up against their scales feels nice.
Olive/Timmit: They’re kind of traditionally gluttonous, but for gold. They don’t have a purpose for it. They just like it. Kind of like money.
Tyrone/Thaumus: I also hear they just love a good talk, but it needs a really intellectual conversation. Dragon’s are quite smart. Did you know that?
Rosie/Lucille: Don’t worry. I’m up.
Steven/Noah: *telepathically* Lucille, I don’t think you’re the best person to be talking to dragons.
Rosie/Lucille: Silly voice in my head. Yeah, she’s saying that out loud.
*laughter*
Tyrone/Thaumus: What was that dear?
Rosie/Lucille: Nothing. Nothing.
Jorja/Magnolia: Oh god, we’re doomed.
Olive/Timmit: Are you okay?
Rosie/Lucille: Yeah.
Olive/Timmit: Is it talking again?
Rosie/Lucille: It’s just my conscience.
Olive/Timmit: Okay.
Rosie/Lucille: It’s just talking to me.
Jorja/Magnolia: Oh yeah.
Rosie/Lucille: You guys get that?
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah.
Olive/Timmit: Yeah.
Rosie/Lucille: Good, good.
Tyrone/Thaumus: I’m sure your conscience is weighing quite heavily after the public apology.
Rosie/Lucille: No, no, no. It was a good public apology.
Steven/Noah: You fooled them all.
Tyrone/Thaumus: Well yes, I probably don’t want to face a dragon head on, but who knows? You did defeat the Astrotheran, so who knows? Okay darlings, is that everything?
Olive/Timmit: Oh yes. Thank you. Thank you Thaumus. I mean, you look brand new!
Steven/Noah: Thank you.
Olive/Timmit: No longer brand blue.
Steven/Noah: I retract that.
Tyrone/Thaumus: Bye!
Steven/Noah: I was going to say goodbye, but I’m just going to nod and exit.
Magnolia throws up in her mouth.
Olive/Timmit: Thanks Thaumus. Bye Thaumus. Is it just me or is she just a little not there?
Steven/Noah: Horny.
Olive/Timmit: That’s what I kind of thought, but I think she’s just lonely.
Jorja/Magnolia: Same thing is it not?
Rosie/Lucille: Some of my goats have horns that go kind of curly at the end.
Olive/Timmit: Who’s going to take this one?
Jorja/Magnolia: I’m going to let it linger.
Olive/Timmit: Cool, yeah.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: To the library?
Olive/Timmit: Yeah.
Steven/Noah: I’m not going to the library. I’m going to find a dark corner. Wait, I’ll go find Cleary and use her tools.
Rosie/Lucille: I’ll just potter along to the library. I’m pretty, you know, spiffed. Is that a word? Spiffed after my day with the king. Spiffed isn’t the right word, is it?
Steven/Noah: Feeling spiffy.
Rosie/Lucille: Spiffy?
Olive/Timmit: Spiffy is good.
Rosie/Lucille: Spiffy. Yeah spiffy.
[music]
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The grand library. Two floors. It’s got those lovely little ladders that you slide along the bookshelves. Takes up a whole floor of the Kingsgrove. It’s quite large. It’s got some nice tables for reading. It’s quite late and it’s Tea Day, so there’s a few people out and about, just finding a piece of fiction. Just to pick up and read. What are we looking for in particular?
Olive/Timmit: When we walk in I’ll cast Unseen Servant, and Margaret will appear next to me.
Tyrone/Margaret: Well hi. Oh, we’re in the library. Oh, I love reading a good book. I love reading a good Fifty Shades of Grey while I’m at the desk.
Olive/Timmit: I don’t know if that’s my internalisation or if you are Margaret, but either way I don’t want to know. Margaret, I’m so glad you’re here because we have a lot of work to do, and I’m going to desperately need your help, so let’s get started.
Tyrone/Margaret: Okay, what are we looking for?
Olive/Timmit: Anything to do with the Astronovis, dragons, fire, or… What else?
Jorja/Magnolia: “Glamos.” I’m just looking around because I can’t see her. “First sightings. The first time that they teleported this whole city, and anything about the Winter Court fairies. Thank you lady, Margaret.”
Tyrone/Margaret: Okay, I don’t know what the Astronovis is. I don’t know what Glamos is, but I do love a good fantasy.
Olive/Timmit: Margaret, I love you so much. Let’s get started, shall we?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think this is a good history check, I think, from you both. To see the quality of the material you guys get.
Olive/Timmit: Investigation maybe?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, let’s do an investigation.
Olive/Timmit: Could I roll with advantage because of Margaret’s assistance?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, I’ll grant you that.
Jorja/Magnolia: Is there any sort of library assistant?
Steven/Noah: Yes, her name is Margaret.
*laughter*
Jorja/Magnolia: No, not her.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There is one, but she’s got the day off because it’s Tea Day.
Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, bitch.
*dice rolls*
Jorja/Magnolia: I got a sixteen.
Olive/Timmit: I got a twenty-one.
Jorja/Magnolia: Fuck you!
Tyrone/Margaret: Yeah Magnolia, I know you can’t hear me, but whatever. I found this series of books by some guy named Kyros. It’s a whole series of journals about Glamos - whatever you call that thing.
Olive/Timmit: “Magnolia, these are all of…” You’ll just see this stack of books in front of you floating. “These are all of Kyros’s journals.”
Jorja/Magnolia: “Oh shit! Good find Margaret.” I just look where I think her arms go. “Thank you.”
Olive/Timmit: You know she’s not real or anything? You can just be chill.
Jorja/Magnolia: I’m polite. That’s like my whole deal, dude.
Tyrone/Margaret: Yeah, you’re welcome. Yeah, Timmit honey. What I found for you is some book called the Astronovium.
Olive/Timmit: The who-vi-what-ium now?
Tyrone/Margaret: The Astronovium. I think it’s plural for Astronovis.
Olive/Timmit: I’m sorry. Did you just fucking say ‘plural’?
Tyrone/Margaret: Yeah, as in multiple.
Olive/Timmit: “Thank you, thank you Margaret.” Timmit’s hands reach out and they’re shaking as he takes the book, and sits down and begins to leaf through it.
Tyrone/Margaret: I’m going to find some light reading while you do that.
Olive/Timmit: Margaret, you have about thirty minutes left.
Tyrone/Margaret: Yeah, I know. Then I’ll get back to work. It’s my half an hour break.
Olive/Timmit: Yeah, I just wanted to let you know. That you’re aware of your time, and how much you should invest.
Steven/Noah: That’s how long you’re going to last, baby.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay. Kyros’s journals. Weirdly titled The Quiet Year.
Jorja/Magnolia: Ooo, I know it’s going to be a good read and completely intelligent and make sense.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They talk about their first few years in Prophis. They got settled and made villages and whatnot. Explored the place a little bit Found this place called Glamos. They were initially settled in Neptis. Their first village was in Neptis, but slowly, as they saw Glamos off in the distance, and the days go by and then they sort of realise that that tree that was there the other day is not there anymore, or Bob’s house over by the border is suddenly overrun with reeds, and strange occurrences like this kept happening until suddenly the whole village was taken over, and it was just ruins standing in a field of reeds, and so they moved, and a few years went by and the same thing happened, and so they finally got together as a community and they decided, ‘No, we’re not going to rebuild a village again this time. We’re going to make the city move with us. Otherwise we’re going to have to rebuild again and again and again.’
Olive/Timmit: Sorry to interject. Do you mind if I ask how many years if you have it specifically?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I’d say the first timeframe was five years. The second frame was approximately five years as well.
Olive/Timmit: Cool. Thank you.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And so, before they got over on the second time, they decided that they were going to find somewhere, and they were going to build a city so that it would move with them. Any specific questions that you might want answered?
Jorja/Magnolia: No, I think that she just wants an overall understanding of how it first happened. If there’s any mention of the Winter Court or their time before getting banished.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think there’s a word that sticks out to you that’s popped up quite a few times, and it’s capitalised. It’s the word ‘Atrius’. It’s written in Sylvan is the word ‘Atrius’.
Jorja/Magnolia: Does it mean anything to me?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: From the context clues that you can pick up, it sort of seems to be referring to where they used to live, and now they talk about what life was like in Atrius, and now what life is like in Prophis.
Jorja/Magnolia: Okay.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Winter Court. Yes, there is definitely mention of the glamour that they put over them. In their final moments, they saw some of their brethren get glamoured, essentially as they put it, and take on the guise of a human. And for the Astronovium-
Olive/Timmit: Astronovium or Astronovia?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Novium.
Olive/Timmit: How do I? Do you mind?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: N-O-V-I-U-M. Any questions that you want answered?
Olive/Timmit: All of them. Tell me what the book says.
Rosie/Lucille: Write a book Tyrone.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, you want me to write-
Olive/Timmit: It’s a book about plural Astronovium, like-
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: More than one Astronovis. Yes.
Olive/Timmit: Yeah.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The first Astronovis took the guise of a giant serpent that breathed fire.
Olive/Timmit: I beg your god damn pardon.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Had this big den in the form of let’s say a forge. The next Astronovis took on the form of a…
Olive/Timmit: I guess I’m specifically looking for abilities that are mentioned recurrently throughout the different forms that it takes. As well as the last documented form of the Astronovis.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: With such a high investigation roll, I’ll give it to you that you see a recurring theme that they are sort of keepers of knowledge. They seem to like exchanging knowledge for their power. It doesn’t dislike the fae, but it doesn’t like the fae either. It copes with them as long as there is a mutual exchange.
Olive/Timmit: So in layman's terms: ‘Don’t piss it off’.
Steven/Noah: Lucille, you should piss it off.
*laughter*
Rosie/Lucille: Maybe I will.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It last took the form of a phoenix, like a fiery bird.
Rosie/Lucille: That’s so much cooler than a dragon. I love phoenix. Like in Harry Potter.
Olive/Timmit: Can I date that accurately to how long ago it was?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How long ago that was? That was, in fact, Kyros’s one that he got the essence of fire from, which was approximately two weeks ago. It was in a castle.
Steven/Noah: In a castle?
Olive/Timmit: Oh, it was in a castle? Could we team up and look through Kyros’s notes and through these notes to see if there’s anything that correlates together?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, you just want to see what his notes are about the Astronovis is in his other journals?
Jorja/Magnolia: Yes.
Olive/Timmit: Yeah, anything that ties them together. If there’s nothing then fair enough.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, he talks about getting the Astronovis and about how last time they got their arses handed to them, and so they got Onyx on board to help. Cleary, Onyx, and him all set out to the castle together to fight the phoenix.
Olive/Timmit: They fought it?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They were prepared to fight it, and when they realised it was not interested in that and just wanted… It wanted to exchange knowledge. It wanted to be told something that it had never been told before.
Rosie/Lucille: Did they say you have really nice eyes?
Olive/Timmit: I was going to make a comment about how we have this in the fucking bag. We’re from a different dimension, but that is what we should lead with.
Steven/Noah: I thought it would be like sparkling teeth. That’s a dazzling smile you’ve got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness?
*laughter*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Any more questions?
Olive/Timmit: I’m just going to look at Magnolia, and go, “We’ve been asking the wrong people about this. We need to talk to Cleary, and we need to talk to Onyx.”
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I was going to, but everyone seemed really pissed off at us today, so…
Rosie/Lucille: I wonder why?
Olive/Timmit: Cleary didn’t seem that bad.
Jorja/Magnolia: I forgot you were here!
*laughter*
Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, I’ve been there. Just pottering about. Dusting the shelves.
Jorja/Magnolia: She’s somehow acquired a cardigan.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s seeming a bit like beddy time unless anything else would like to happen.
Rosie/Lucille: Lucille wants to try and see her goats before bed.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Do it,
*dice rolls*
Rosie/Lucille: Twelve, but it’s twelve. Does that mean I get it or I don’t?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Equals beats it, baby.
Rosie/Lucille: Oh yay! Okay, I’m going to tell a secret. Let me think of a Lucille secret. “When myself and my husband were together, there was one night that was really quite cold out, and, you see, he went to go and have a shower, and I went outside to check on the goats, and I saw this one goat there that was just really, really cold, so I brought it inside to my bed, and when he came out of the shower he told me it was him or the goat and to get the goat out of the bed or he’s leaving, and I could’ve gotten the goat out of the bed and lived happily, but instead I kept the goat in the bed and he left.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s a really good secret.
Rosie/Lucille: And this is why she always has to love goats because if she doesn’t love them with her whole heart then she’s made the biggest mistake of her whole life.
Jorja/Magnolia: Oh my god. You just gave me the most character progression ever. I see Lucille in a new light.
*laughter*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And this portal, like the mirror starts swirling like the portal, and you can see it’s a lovely sunset back in the outskirts of Melbourne. You can see a little patch of grass where your goats are.
Rosie/Lucille: Oh yay! Which ones are there?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Which ones do you want to be there? Which ones were you thinking about?
Rosie/Lucille: Well I was thinking about Sparkles, and I was thinking about Sparky, and I was thinking about Spark.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And they are all there together. They are munching on their grass. Taking a little wander by the creek. Having a little sip of water.
Rosie/Lucille: I’m going to run around, and be like, “Everyone, everyone look at my goats! See? I’m a goat farmer!” and show them my goats. Can they see my goats?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, they can see it if you’d like?
Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, I’m going to show everyone my goats. Except for Noah. he’s not there.
Jorja/Magnolia: Hello goats. What’s this one called?
Rosie/Lucille: Sparkles.
Jorja/Magnolia: This one?
Rosie/Lucille: Sparky.
Jorja/Magnolia: This one?
Rosie/Lucille: Spark.
Jorja/Magnolia: Oh.
Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, they were all born one after the other, and I had a sparkler because it was New Year’s Eve, and I just thought, ‘Sparkles’, and then it just went from there.
Jorja/Magnolia: Mmm, I see the thought process.
Olive/Timmit: Still cute names, and very cute…
Rosie/Lucille: Goats, Timmit.
Olive/Timmit: Goats, yes. They’re cute because I can see them, but they’re not here. That’s fine. That’s okay. No, okay, I’ve got to go for a walk.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You see that Lucille has a mirror to another dimension in her hands.
Jorja/Magnolia: Can we hear the goats?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No, you’re not allowed to hear with this.
Rosie/Lucille: That’s good because I can’t hear if they’re crying for me.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are you going to head back to your room and keep looking at your goats.
Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, I’m going to be walking back kind of numbly stroking them through the glass.
Jorja/Magnolia: I’m going to walk ten feet behind her, and be like, ‘Damn, that’s really cool that I saw her goats. How the fuck did I just see her goats? Okay…’
Rosie/Lucille: Wait, did you guys all hear my secret? Do they all hear that because I….
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Were you trying to be sneaky about it?
Rosie/Lucille: No, I said it out loud.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Then, yes.
Olive/Timmit: Just the entire story, Magnolia and I are looking at each other like, ‘Umm, I don’t know to….’
Steven/Noah: I don’t know. Was it particularly quiet in the library?
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, was there a lot of noise to drown it out?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are Timmit and Magnolia heading back to bed as well?
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I think Magnolia’s going to be like, “Okay, I’ve officially entered fever dream in reality. I think I’m going to go to bed, but just quickly.” She’s going to put her hand on Timmit. “You were honest with us, and we didn’t react. You told us that you used that spell on us, and Noah and I were fine. We said, ‘Yeah okay’, but then you started to lie about Cleary. You just need to be careful because you’re new to us, and if you’re honest it’s okay. If you keep lying I don’t think it will end well.
Olive/Timmit: Well it’s like you say - I’m new to you - so I will heed your warning, but I would offer the same in return.
Jorja/Magnolia: I know. That’s why I just wanted to get it out in the open.
Rosie/Lucille: Guys, my goat just turned around!
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I need to go to bed. This is fucked up.
Olive/Timmit: Timmit will stay up. Probably right up until just before midnight trying to surveil the entire library, and will also expend every single spell practising, practising, and then he’ll go to bed and crash.
Jorja/Magnolia: I would cast Bless on you if I saw that you were staying. I think it’s only a minute, but just a little motivation.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Meanwhile, in Cleary’s workshop.
Steven/Noah: *making tinkering noises*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s not even in there.
Steven/Noah: No, I don’t need her.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, what are you doing?
Steven/Noah: So, I am tinkering around with my shield that I got given. I’m going to infuse it Enhanced Defence, and I’m going to use the gem that was once Honey Boo Boo’s heart. Well… Yes, it was. She’s no longer here. Was Honey Boo Boo’s heart. I’m going to place it directly in the centre of the shield as part of the infusion.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s very sweet.
Steven/Noah: So, it’s a nod to how she defended to her life, and now she will continue to defend in death.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Well, which also mechanically gives you a plus one to AC?
Steven/Noah: Oh my god. Yes it does. That brings my AC up to twenty, which gets another plus one at level ten.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Noah just casually got plus four AC out of me today. Plus two for the shield. Plus one for it being a plus one shield, and another plus one for it being the Enhanced Defence artificer infusion.
Rosie/Lucille: Look at you guys being all strategic with your items.
Olive/Timmit: I mean, yours is pretty good too. Like, it’s very handy in certain circumstances if we’re-
Rosie/Lucille: If I think smart to use it.
Steven/Noah: I think while everyone is going to bed, Noah is going to be up pretty much all night, and he’ll fall asleep in his work.
Olive/Timmit: Timmit will stroll past as he’s exiting the library late at night and see him flopped over, and I’ll *sigh* waddle on in and find a little blanket and cover him up.
Steven/Noah: You see Beeyonce is sleeping on top of Skittles who’s retracted his four legs in. he’s sleeping like a little spider.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And then Noah abruptly wakes up to the light being turned on in the workshop. She’s like:
Tyrone/Cleary: Noah! Noah, Noah, what are you doing here? Who said you could come in?
Steven/Noah: “Huh? Oh, I just… What? Oh, Cleary.” He looks down at his incomplete work. “Oh, I was just fixing the shield. I needed a space to do it.”
Tyrone/Cleary: Well as long as you’re protecting yourself. It’s time to go out. Quick. Get your friends.
Steven/Noah: “Oh, oh okay.” I’m going to climb on top of Skittles. “Mush”
*Skittles chirps*
*laughter*
Steven/Noah: I’m going to be rubbing my eyes and waking up, and Skittles is escorting me around.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are you going to go knock on your friends’ doors?
*door knock*
Steven/Noah: I don’t know who’s room this is. Hello?
Jorja/Magnolia: Huh? What? Yeah? Huh?
Steven/Noah: Apparently it’s time to go. We’ve got to get our Novis on.
Jorja/Magnolia: “Oh fuck. Okay.” I come out in not in my armour, but just in the helmet. “Okay, I think I’m good.”
Steven/Noah: I think you’re forgetting something?
Jorja/Magnolia: Huh?
Steven/Noah: A little bit. You’re missing some…
Jorja/Magnolia: Oh fuck. Okay, I’ll be right back. Give me two minutes.
Steven/Noah: “Okay.” I’ll go down to the next door.
*door knock*
Steven/Noah: Hello? Who is this?
Olive/Timmit: You just hear at the back of the door this:
*flame SFX*
Steven/Noah: Timmit! It’s time to get up.
Olive/Timmit: No, I’m not ready! Five more minutes.
Steven/Noah: You’ve got one more minute.
Olive/Timmit: Thank you.
Steven/Noah: And I’m an artificer, so I know how to count.
*door knock*
Steven/Noah: Lucille? Are you home?
Rosie/Lucille: “Yep! Oh!” I see there’s no goats.
Steven/Noah: You okay?
Rosie/Lucille: Yep, yeah. Everything’s good. Yeah, everything’s normal. No goats.
Steven/Noah: Okay, I think we’re getting ready to go.
Rosie/Lucille: Yep, I’m ready.
Steven/Noah: *whispering* No goats?
Tyrone/Cleary: Your friends up and ready yet?
Steven/Noah: Ah, I told them to get up.
Tyrone/Cleary: Well I’m going to meet you guys up at the top of the wall at the elevator to Novis in ten minutes.
Olive/Timmit: Timmit’s drags himself out of his room, and his fire hair is in a massive cowlick. Just very groggy, and he’s like, “What time- What time is it?”
Steven/Noah: It’s up time.
Olive/Timmit: *groans*
Jorja/Magnolia: “It’s time to go, go, go, go.” I’ve put half of my armour in my bag, and I’m slowly putting it on as I go because I’m like, ‘Oop, I ran out of time.’
Steven/Noah: I’m going to go to Magnolia, and be like, “Look, I made some alterations to my shield.”
Jorja/Magnolia: Ooo, it’s so pretty.
Steven/Noah: You see this?
Jorja/Magnolia: Yes?
Steven/Noah: That’s Honey Boo Boo.
Jorja/Magnolia: “Aww.” I’m going to reach out and touch it.
Steven/Noah: Rest in peace.
Jorja/Magnolia: Honey Boo Boo.
Olive/Timmit: Every time someone says the word ‘dragon’ Timmit grows more and more anxious.
Jorja/Magnolia: “Dragging [dragon] these nuts. How about now? Feel better? Yeah, you do.” I keep walking.
Haha. Haha.
Tyrone/Cleary: Alright guys. I’m not going to forget to ask for it this time. So, if you want any more free shit from me this time, bring me back a lot of gems. Like, a lot of gems. Like, I want ten of any variety you can find.
Rosie/Lucille: I’ll get you blue ones.
Tyrone/Cleary: Sapphires would be good.
Olive/Timmit: I’m sorry Cleary. You’re asking us to steal from this dragon?
Tyrone/Cleary: No, from the mines.
Steven/Noah: Where the dragon is.
Olive/Timmit: With its hoard.
Tyrone/Cleary: Oh the dragon and the hoard should be in the volcano.
Olive/Timmit: Hang on. Wait. Before we leave. Cleary, last night I was looking through the library and we went through some of Kyros’s notes, and it said that you went with Onyx and Kyros to fight this Novis.
Tyrone/Cleary: Yeah. Kyros is bloody useless without me. Tried to fight the Astroneptis by himself. That was stupid.
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, he did write that.
Olive/Timmit: How did you survive? What did you- Do you have any tips?
Tyrone/Cleary: Well it would be really useful if the musical one was with you this time. You know, someone that’s good with their words.
Jorja/Magnolia: Well, could you let us know what happened there, or?
Steven/Noah: Yeah, if he ever just wanders back into town just send him our way.
Tyrone/Cleary: Parav is looking for him in Neptis. He did send out a party.
Rosie/Lucille: Did they find him?
Tyrone/Cleary: No, nothing yet.
Jorja/Magnolia: So then why did you bring it up?
Tyrone/Cleary: I’m just saying that you need to be good with your words.
Jorja/Magnolia: It’s a fresh wound.
Olive/Timmit: If there’s really nothing else then I guess we should be on our way.
Rosie/Lucille: Yep, off we go. Trot, trot, trot.
Jorja/Magnolia: She’s just happy because she saw her goats. You weren’t there! We saw Lucille’s goats.
Steven/Noah: Oh, what?
Olive/Timmit: All three of them.
Rosie/Lucille: Do you want to see? I’ll bring them up later. They’re in my mirror.
Steven/Noah: Oh no, that’s okay.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And Cleary begins lowering the elevator, and this time - instead of stopping at ground level - it just keeps going down and down into the earth as we slowly enter the mines of Novis.
[music]
Theme Song: *rock music plays*
Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Thank you so much for listening to Portal Quandary. Portal Quandary is made possible by the following people: Myself, Tyrone Cross as Dungeon Master, Community Manager, and Editor, Steven Edwards as Noah, Olive Jerome as Timothy and the Editing Assistant, Rosemary Ochtman as Lucille, and Jorja Odd as Magnolia. Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant, and Chanelle Hayden is our transcriber. Our theme song is Belly of the Beast by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas, and if you need to contact us you can do so at portalquandary@gmail.com. We’re also on the lookout for someone to join our team as a Community Manager, so if that sounds like you, shoot us a DM or an email. We’re also on a bunch of social media including Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, Threads, and our newly launched Patreon. So if you’re interested in any of those please head over to them. They’re all @PortalQuandary. That’s Q-U-A-N-D-A-R-Y. And this podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people, and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders.
Theme Song: *rock music continues*
Finding home in the belly of the beast, (in the belly of the beast), to make it home we can’t accept defeat, (there’s no turning back) so roll the dice and come along with me, (come along with me, let’s go), finding home in the belly of the beast.
Olive/Timmit: I’m sorry, I just had the Sid voice go in my head. *imitating Sid from Ice Age* The last dandelion.
*laughter*
Steven/Noah: *imitating Sid from Ice Age* Must be the last one of the season.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I can’t think of what his voice is again.
Steven/Noah: Go on. Like masculine with a hint of gay.
Jorja/Magnolia: Like every character in this fucking game.
Steven/Noah: One hundred percent.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s just me voicing them.
*laughter*
Jorja/Magnolia: I feel like it’s like you went to the dentist with Noah and you kept his wisdom tooth that he got extracted.
Steven/Noah: I’m thinking more like gamer bath water.
Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah!
Steven/Noah: Gamer girl bath water.
Jorja/Magnolia: Are you done with that? I’ll have that.
Olive/Timmit: Alright, I’m going to burn it now.