Episode 15: The Essence of Fire

Having retrieved the essence of fire, the group makes their way back to Lambence to prepare for their next journey. However, their report to Cleary is not well-received, and Timmit voices growing suspicion about the true intentions of their fairy friends.

Content warnings for this week’s episode include coarse language.

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Dungeon Master, Community Manager, and Editing is Tyrone Cross      

Noah is Steven Edwards

Timothy and Editing Assistant is Olive Jerome

Lucille is Rosemary Ochtman

Magnolia is Jorja Odd

Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant

Chanelle Hayden is our Transcriber   

Theme song is “Belly of The Beast” by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas (@lilyharnath & @henrylucas5)

We’re on the lookout for someone to join the team as a Community Manager. Send us an email if that sounds like you!

Email us at portalquandary@gmail.com 

Sound effects used in this episode include:

Siberia - levelclearer

Magic - RICHERlandTV

Cosmos13 - levelclearer

Intro_snow4 - levelclearer

06564 fairy magic wand - RobinHood76

Sunshine333 - levelclearer

Dark Teleport - oldestmillenial

This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders. 

The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased) is intended or should be inferred.

Transcript

Jorja/Magnolia: Portal Quandary has some content warnings. You can check them out in the episode description.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: In the steamy heat of the lava filled cavern, Lucille von Goat crept toward the tiny essence glinting atop a dragon's hoard. She reached out for it. With a snatch, she had the Astronovis essence! And then, as Lucille held it in her hand…nothing else happened.

*portal SFX*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Visions of impossible planets flashed across Hymnbo's vision - a storm-riddled oceanic titan, some great mechanical contraption that may not be a planet at all - but it all disappears too quickly for him to process. With a jolt, the dizzying sights finally cease and he finds himself in a swirling vortex of lavender across from a man with fire-red robes and pointed ears.

Some faint part of his brain told him this made sense - he'd been working around cosplayers just a minute ago when his feet were on solid ground. . .But before he could make a sound, the figure was gone again, lost to the violet storm. 

*portal SFX*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hymnbo stumbled across the flat, sun-baked asphalt. He was certain the horrifying, floating fish monsters had stopped following him long before he broke free of the dense foliage of Neptis, but now he finally turned back to be sure. He panted heavily, the sights around him slowly sinking in. There were no more trees, or glowing creatures looming in heavy fog. What surrounded him now was. . .familiar. long roads lined with tall buildings reflecting the sun harshly into his eyes. The concrete island of a tram stop had carved itself into the road up ahead. He swore just down the road the sign of a 7-11 wrapped around the corner and out of sight. He was...back? The sound of his footsteps echoed as his gait picked back up until he was sprinting, desperate to find a street sign or tramline map, anything that could set him on the path home - a path that now seemed miniscule in comparison to the distance he'd been from the Earth itself before. He was so close to familiar ground, he was sure of it. Hymnbo kept running.

Theme Song: *rock music plays*

Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hello, and welcome back to Portal Quandary: Prophis. Let’s get ready for episode fifteen. We are currently being chased by a dragon through the mines, and I’m going to hit pause on that. It’s going to be screaming and yelling in the background, but I’m going to press pause.

*mystical chime*

Steven/Noah: Argh! 

Olive/Timmit: Argh! Argh, argh! Oh, sorry.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hey, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I got here. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Record scratch.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, we’ve got some lovely level ups. You’ve all reached level five, and some cool shit happened. I’m going to vote Noah. Noah, you can talk about what happened first up.

Steven/Noah: Hi, I’m Noah. What did happen? I got some health. That happened.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sorry honey, you’re not special. Everyone gets health.

Steven/Noah: Oh.

Jorja/Magnolia: Rosie only got two. 

*laughter*

Steven/Noah: God damn! Okay, I got more health than that. Hehehe. What else happened? I got smart. The main thing is, yeah, we got some more spells which is always fun. Being a level five battlesmith: I’ve gained some more spells which is fun. I’m keen to give those out for a spin, and also I have multiattack now, so I can attack twice. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I don’t know how the fuck we can vaguely talk about how you can attack twice in a turn.

Steven/Noah: I’m just really angry, and I’m just feeling it, you know? Hit once: I’m like, ‘That was pretty good, let’s go again.’

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hey, that’s pretty good. 

Steven/Noah: Where’re your clothes at? Yeah, that’s pretty much it for Noah. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hell yes. How about you Olive? How’s it going for your level up?

Olive/Timmit: Well, typically for wizards level five isn’t too much to boast about except for, you know, Timmit’s been practising and honing his magical capabilities, so he’s starting to feel the power really surge, so he’s very excited to try new things and test some boundaries with these capabilities.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Somebody got third level spell slots. Fuck yeah, I can’t wait for your inevitable visit to Thaumus this episode.

Olive/Timmit: Yes.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Magnolia, how did your level up go?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, Magnolia’s feeling very spry. Very in her element, like she can do more - second attack - and she feels she can maybe pull off a couple more powerful spells. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s been watching the fairies. She knows what’s up. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, she’s observing. She’s taking that in, put that into herself, and is going to push it out into the world. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Manifesting positivity.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yes. Creating problems, not solving them, not my business. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Speaking of creating problems. Lucille. 

Rosie/Lucille: Amazing segway. So, Lucille’s level up went amazing, Just great. Tried to get nice and strong. Got two more strong. Although, I did swap out- I did some cool, little, sneaky things I can do. Lucille’s going to be a bit more uncanny with her dodging you might say. Yeah, that’s pretty much it for Lucille. Yeah, that’s it.

Steven/Noah: Uncanny with her dodging. 

Rosie/Lucille: Do you get it? It was uncanny dodge.

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh!!

Olive/Timmit: Oh lord. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And so we end our little freeze frame with someone drawing in permanent marker over the frame. It’s time to unfreeze. Now. 

*mystical chime*

All: Argh!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: We’ve got a dragon in the background going:

Tyrone/Astronovis: I will get you Lucille Von Goat. You will rue the day. 

Jorja/Magnolia: She already does that. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What’s happening in the mines? Are we running?

Rosie/Lucille: I’m running, well, flying really, really fast. 

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, I’m going to expend another use of my bladesong, so I can continue to run quickly.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master:yeah, moving a bit more nimble.

Olive/Timmit: Yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The dragon has lodged its head as much as it can into that little entranceway, but it is too large to fit into the small hole. It is definitely breathing fire as it turns into different elements as all of the crystals pop along the way. You know, its breath is an ice breath then it turns into a poison spray. The next time it turns into lightning breath. It is mad.

Rosie/Lucille: But we got away right? Because it can’t come closer.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes, you got away.

Jorja/Magnolia: The dragon will remember this. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The dragon will remember this. What are y’all doing? Are you just walking back?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, just a casual, little stroll I think. Any more gems?

Rosie/Lucille: I’ve got the essence, right? I’m holding that, right?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You are holding the essence. 

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, I thought so. I’m just going to be like, “Hey guys, look what we got. What do we do with it now?”

Jorja/Magnolia: I’ll put it in the bag until we hand it over. 

Rosie/Lucille: I’ll go give it to Magnolia.

Jorja/Magnolia: Thank you. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I was very scared you weren’t going to hand it over.

Rosie/Lucille: Same. For a second I thought about it, then I thought, ‘No.’ Lucille just wanted to take. She doesn’t know what it is really. 

Jorja/Magnolia: I want that. I don’t know what it is, but I need it. 

Rosie/Lucille: It’s important and someone else really wants it, so I must have it. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are we taking a half day walk back to the city of Lambence?

Rosie/Lucille: Do we have a choice?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can hang out in the mines I guess, but that doesn’t sound very fun. 

Rosie/Lucille: Na.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You don’t have the benefits of a long rest because you didn’t get the blessing of the Astronovis.

Olive/Timmit: Who needs that guy anyway? 

Steven/Noah: Can I take a short rest on the back of Skittles while everyone’s walking back?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can. You could ask for everyone to have a short rest if you want. 

Steven/Noah: No, we’re all good. We’re walking back to Lambence.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, we’re cool. I’m straight chilling.

Olive/Timmit: “I mean, I would like a short rest. I’m still-” and Timmit will refer to his body which is still scorched. “I’m a little-”

Jorja/Magnolia: “Just don’t worry about it. You’ll be fine,” and I’ll heal. 

Steven/Noah: Well, you know, who’s fault was that?

Rosie/Lucille: I don’t recall.

Jorja/Magnolia: How hurt does Timmit look?

Olive/Timmit: Never mind. I could keep going. I’ve got one more spell up my sleeve. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, I’ve got fuckloads. We’re good.

Steven/Noah: Same. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Same.

Steven/Noah: I didn’t need to use any spells. I was just using talking.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, just talk the whole time. Having a nice, relaxing conversation, and suddenly running.

Olive/Timmit: As we’re walking back - as we leave the caves - is there anyone outside or in the general area waiting, or has everyone deserted this area?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: This whole area was deserted because the dragon had driven the miners out of the area, so the elevator was how you got in, so that’s how you can get out again.

Olive/Timmit: Cool.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: But, there is a little bell. You can pull a little string and someone will lift the elevator back up for you.

Jorja/Magnolia: I shake it immediately.

*bell*

Rosie/Lucille: So, did everyone abandon this place except for the elevator guy? Like, the elevator guy was like, ‘Na, this is my life.’

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Let me weave a tapestry for you. So, the city of Lambence, right, is a circular tower of a city, and there’s a little elevator on each cardinal point, I suppose. There’s an elevator to each biome, so this one has an elevator that goes straight down past the ground and into the earth. Straight into the mine, and it branches away from the city. So, the dragon is away from the city in the mine, but the elevator goes straight into the mine. So, the elevator guys is safe in the city still. 

Rosie/Lucille: Okay, I was concerned for him.

Tyrone/Guard: Ahoy!

Jorja/Magnolia: Hiya. 

Tyrone/Guard: Is that your fault by any chance?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And he’s going to point over to the Kingsgrove that, as you’re getting lifted up the elevator and you start to see over the city walls, you start to see some of the leaves burning away, and then as you look a bit closer in the air you see what looks to be a dragon held in stasis in the air.

Steven/Noah: Ah shit!

Jorja/Magnolia: You know, I can’t say for sure. We did see a dragon. I can’t tell if that’s the same dragon. I’ve got bad eyes. I’m a rabbit. So, it could be unrelated. Hold- I’ll get back to you on this. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And as you’re there staring at this dragon held in stasis, you see - for you Pokémon fans out there - you see essentially a solar beam pass through this dragon as the dragon slowly disintegrates. 

Rosie/Lucille: Ooo.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And then you can see - sort of at the very tops of the tree - you can see two figures. One looks to be Thaumus. Thaumus looks to be holding the dragon in place, and then there’s the king. The king, you can see, has just used this solar beam on the dragon.

Rosie/Lucille: “Oh my king, how brave of you!” Lucille’s very impressed. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Daddy?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The elevator guys is like:

Tyrone/Guard: Oh! It’s been quite a long time since I’ve seen him do that.

Jorja/Magnolia: The dragon or the king?

Tyrone/Guard: The king. I’ve never seen this dragon before.

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh.

Rosie/Lucille: Neither. 

Jorja/Magnolia: So, the king doesn’t use a lot of magic, or just not powerful magic?

Tyrone/Guard: He usually doesn’t have to resort to that. No. The Perimeter Watch, that’s us. We usually handle it. Onyx is pretty good at handling that. The king doesn’t usually need to interfere. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, okay, okay. 

Rosie/Lucille: When the other Oberons were ruling, were you the King’s Watch then too?

Olive/Timmit: No Lucille, I think we’re in the king’s sights. That’s a little different.

Tyrone/Guard: Ha, that’s a good one. No, I’m fairly new actually. Within the past fifty years or so I’ve been the Perimeter Watch.

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh good job! Look at you. 

Rosie/Lucille: Big boy over here. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I couldn’t have told. You’re doing so good. 

Tyrone/Guard: Thank you. I have done quite a few Moving Days myself. I’ve held off a few Lustris in my time. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Wow! How many Moving Days?

Tyrone/Guard: I’ve lost count. Probably in the hundreds. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Hundreds? In the fifty years you’ve been part of the watch?

Tyrone/Guard: Yeah.

Rosie/Lucille: When did the last Oberon die?

Tyrone/Guard: That’s a sensitive topic.

Rosie/Lucille: Apologies, I thought it was public knowledge and that I could ask. 

Steven/Noah: Lucille, your social skills are showing.

Jorja/Magnolia: If Noah can point this out…

*laughter*

Tyrone/Guard: Visit the museum sometime. 

Rosie/Lucille: Oh, I already did that, but alright. Thank you! 

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m behind Lucille just mouthing, ‘I’m so sorry. She’s not normally like this, or she kind of is, but like…’

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s done with the conversation. He’s like, ‘Please stop talking to me.’

Steven/Noah: I’m going to telepathically tell him to pay no mind to her. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He was sort of Batman posing. Like, standing on the standing on the edge of the wall, looking away from you guys. Not interested.

Jorja/Magnolia: Crime. 

Steven/Noah: I’ve done hundreds of Moving Days. 

Jorja/Magnolia: I was born in the Moving Days. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Where are you going?

Jorja/Magnolia: Where are we going? Are we- Do we- Should we maybe take the long walk back to the people we need to see, or…?

Steven/Noah: Should we take the essence back to Cleary?

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m scared they’re all going to be mad about this.

Rosie/Lucille: They don’t know it was us. 

Jorja/Magnolia: They can probably guess.

Steven/Noah: That’s the first time she’s admitted anything. ‘They don’t know it was us.’

Jorja/Magnolia: I sense a public apology coming out way.

Rosie/Lucille: Ooo, I’m really good at those. 

Steven/Noah: You are really good at those. It’s genuinely frightening.

Olive/Timmit: I mean, I’m really tired to be honest, you know? But I think we should definitely go back to Cleary and give her the essence, right? That’s kind of what we’re here to do. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I guess. I don’t want her to be mad at me. 

Olive/Timmit: Why would she be mad at you?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I did nothing. 

Steven/Noah: She’s not going to be mad at us.

Jorja/Magnolia: We’re safe, you and me.

Steven/Noah: Oh yeah, we know. We’re all good. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Alright, let’s go!

Olive/Timmit: Hey, what about me? Oh.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Walking to the Kingsgrove, are we?

Olive/Timmit: Timmit’s kicking a pebble as they walk along. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There’s definitely a bit of a hullabaloo throughout the city as you walk through it.. There’s a lot fo people muttering and chattering as they look up. Pointing to where the dragon was, to the charred edges of the Kingsgrove tree. Like, ‘That’s where the king was.’ ‘That’s where Thaumus was.’

Jorja/Magnolia: I’ll join in for some of them. If I see a group I’ll be like, “Did you guys see that? Crazy.”

Tyrone/Dave: Ah Magnolia. You’re here!

Jorja/Magnolia: Hey guys. How are you going? It’s been some time.

Tyrone/Dave: It’s Dave. You remember Cheryl.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, Cheryl. How’re you doing?

Tyrone/Cheryl: Oh, you know. Drinking as always. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Good on you.

Steven/Noah: What sort of I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here bullshit is going on?

Jorja/Magnolia: Everyone loves Magnolia.

Steven/Noah: I don’t need friends. They disappoint me. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Ayanna is posted by the Kingsgrove. She’s going to give you the look. Give you the nod.

Steven/Noah: M’lady. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Thanks champ. We’re just going to head on in. 

Tyrone/Ayanna: I suppose you guys had something to do with that, but that’s none of my concern. 

Jorja/Magnolia: I didn’t.

Steven/Noah: Neither did I. 

Rosie/Lucille: We were just getting your little essences. 

Tyrone/Ayanna: I don’t know what you’re talking about Lucille, but go on. The king’s waiting for you.

Rosie/Lucille: Ooo.

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m sure you’ll hear from us soon. 

Tyrone/Ayanna: Oh, don’t worry. I’m sure I will.

Jorja/Magnolia: Okay, love you. Bye.

Tyrone/Ayanna: Goodbye.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Where are we going?

Jorja/Magnolia: Should we bypass the king and head straight to Cleary, or do we deal with the king now.

Steven/Noah: I mean we have the essence. I think we just go to Cleary, right?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah.

Rosie/Lucille: I do need to talk to Cleary. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Me too, actually.

Steven/Noah: I also need to talk to Cleary. 

Olive/Timmit: I don’t need to talk to Cleary, but I could go and talk to the king on behalf of us if you like. Take the brunt.

Steven/Noah: No, absolutely not.

Jorja/Magnolia: No, no, no. No more of this running off on your own. 

Rosie/Lucille: Actually, we shouldn’t let him off on his own. He did the thing last time, and spoke to the person about us. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Good job Lucille.

Rosie/Lucille: Thanks. 

*laughter*

Olive/Timmit: Well, you know, it’s only fair. I took it to her last time. You guys should take it to her this time, and I, look, I’m sure I can smooth things over with the king. I can be very charming.

Jorja/Magnolia: “Absolutely fucking not,” and I grab him, and we’re going to Cleary.

Olive/Timmit: Ow, ow, ow. 

[music]

Tyrone/Cleary: Ah, good timing you guys. I’m sure you saw what happened. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Ah, what? Oh, yeah. The thing. Yeah. The dragon?

Tyrone/Cleary: Yeah.

Jorja/Magnolia: Crazy.

Steven/Noah: Wild.

Tyrone/Cleary: It wasn’t in retaliation to you guys, was it?

Jorja/Magnolia: Not us.

Rosie/Lucille: Retali… What?

Jorja/Magnolia: Lucille just doesn’t know what that word means. 

Rosie/Lucille: Genuinely confused here.

Olive/Timmit: I- I’m just here with these guys. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. Okay, fine. It was us!

Jorja/Magnolia: “Clarify ‘us’ because there’s two of us here who did no wrong,” and I step to the side with Noah. 

Steven/Noah: “Correct.” Noah’s going to fold his arms into him and huff. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Cleary’s going to fold her arms and give you a bit of a look. Tap her foot a little bit. Like:

Tyrone/Cleary: What’s the story?

Steven/Noah: Mummy.

Jorja/Magnolia: We upset mother.

Steven/Noah: “Well, I was talking to the dragon because he was very curious about our knowledge, and he wanted to know about where we were from and what our world was like, and we told him we’re from Pangea, and then he wanted to know about fire because in our world we don’t have magic, so we have to make fire in other ways, and then he was like, ‘What do you use fire for?’ so I was talking about how we use fire to cook food…” Noah’s going to ramble on and on and on about all the things that he was talking about with this dragon.

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m nodding behind him. I’m like, ‘I was there for that. I was in this conversation in this part of the group.’

Tyrone/Cleary: You guys didn’t tell me that you were from Pangea. Sorry, what does this have to do with the dragon retaliating? 

Steven/Noah: So, we were doing that, and then… Lucille and Timmit, do you want to explain what happened at your end. 

Rosie/Lucille: “Well, then at that point the dragon gave me this look and reared up like it was going to attack me, so I had no choice. I took the essence as quickly as I could, and I tried to save us all.” Should I roll a deception?

* dice rolls*

Rosie/Lucille: I got a twenty-six. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Well I got a thirteen on my insight. 

Olive/Timmit: Jesus!

Tyrone/Cleary: Lucille, I know Ayanna has confronted you about joining The City Watch, but you did save these guys from the Astroneptis and now also from the Astronovis. 

Steven/Noah: Noah’s not going to say anything, but he is going to look at Magnolia, and be like… Actually, no. Telepathically, it’s going to be like, “Is she fucking for real?”

Jorja/Magnolia: I throw my hands up like, ‘I don’t fucking know.’

Rosie/Lucille: Well, you know, I’m just really busy at the moment. I could consider helping out if I had a goat farm here.

Tyrone/Cleary: Ah yeah, I can see here that you’ve made a start to this goat farm, hey?

Jorja/Magnolia: I forgot about Goaty. 

Rosie/Lucille: Oh yeah, little Goaty. Do you want to have a little pat?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’ll slowly hold her hand out to pat in sort of - not disgust. She’s like:

Tyrone/Cleary: *nervous groaning*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And give it a little pat.

Rosie/Lucille: Ah, thanks. A goat. Like avocado, but a goat. 

Jorja/Magnolia: An avocado. Thanks.

Tyrone/Cleary: Yeah, that’s great. Lucky the dragon didn’t eat Goaty, hey?

Rosie/Lucille: I know. That’s what I was scared of, wasn’t I?

Tyrone/Cleary: Where did you find this little one?

Rosie/Lucille: I just got really sad, and I started thinking about goats and how I don’t have anyone here, and then a goat appeared.

Steven/Noah: I’m definitely going to telepathically speak to Magnolia again, and be like, “It’s not even real.”

Jorja/Magnolia: I know.

Steven/Noah: Everyone’s like, ‘Oh my god, this goat.’ It’s not even real. 

Tyrone/Cleary: Okay, I guess the big question: did you get the essence?

Jorja/Magnolia: “Heyo!” I’ll pull it out. 

Steven/Noah: You mean this thing?

Jorja/Magnolia: You mean this little ol’ thing?

Tyrone/Cleary: Ah, yes!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And she’ll pull out the orrery.

Jorja/Magnolia: I try to touch her hand a little bit as she takes it.

Steven/Noah: Roll for sleight of hand.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, roll for sleight of hand. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh fuck! Why did you do this to me Steven?

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Magnolia: *laughter* I drop it on a nat one.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: On a nat one you go to grab her hand, and you just grab her whole hand and stare into her eyes for a little while before letting go. 

Jorja/Magnolia: I say nothing, and I stare at her a little bit longer. 

Tyrone/Cleary: You can let go now. You can let go.

Jorja/Magnolia: Sorry, I’m so used to holding onto Timmit because he tends to run off.

Olive/Timmit: Hey!

Steven/Noah: Telepathically, once again, ‘Nice save.’

Tyrone/Cleary: Running off now, hey Timmit? Oh yeah, you’re scared of animals. The dragon would have been great.

Olive/Timmit: No, it wasn’t. It wasn’t very great.

Steven/Noah: I wouldn’t say he was afraid of the dragon.

Tyrone/Cleary: No, it looks like - looking at your clothes there Timmit - you maybe got a bit roughed up? I might need to get a replacement for you, hey?

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, yeah. If you wouldn’t mind. I’d really appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you Cleary.

Tyrone/Cleary: I’ll see what I can do. Though you guys are restricted from the armoury again. Should I?

Olive/Timmit: Oh, no. I don’t want to put you out. It’s okay. I can just make do. I’ll figure something out with this. It’s alright.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The rest of the adventure Timmit is walking around with charred clothes with holes all through it.

Olive/Timmit: Hey, he’ll patch it up. It’ll be fine. If only I’d taken Mending.  

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes, she’s going to pull out the orrery and pop it in there. That way, you can see that there’s only one spot missing left on the orrery now. 

Tyrone/Cleary: This is wonderful. Oh, you guys are probably tired I guess, but where are you going next? Avos or Exanimus?

Jorja/Magnolia: I think Avos first because we know more about it. It’s less of a mystery, I guess.

Tyrone/Cleary: Ah yeah, that makes sense. You’d probably have to be really strong to go to Exanimus anyway, so some experiences on your back might help. 

Jorja/Magnolia: I mean, I could go on my own right now, but these other guys…

Steven/Noah: Once again, telepathically, “Fuck me I guess.”

Jorja/Magnolia: I actively didn’t point to Noah. I pointed to Lucille and Timmit. 

Rosie/Lucille: What are you talking about? I’m so strong. 

Olive/Timmit: Oh, before we go, didn’t we have something for Cleary?

Jorja/Magnolia: “Oh yeah! Gems on gems on gems.” I’ll pull out ten of each gem.

Tyrone/Cleary: Give me, give me, give me, give me. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Here you go.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to open her own bag of holding. 

Tyrone/Cleary: You only found ten of each? It sounds like there’s a bit of a jingle in your bag.

Jorja/Magnolia: That’s my coin from Pangea. 

Steven/Noah: Those are my Pangean coins.

Tyrone/Cleary: Let me have a look at your currency.

Jorja/Magnolia: Magnolia would have actual money on her.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Does she carry cash?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah because she would have been on a night out. So, if her phone died she would have needed the cash, so she’ll take out random coins. 

Tyrone/Cleary: Ooo.

Steven/Noah: Those are Australian dollars.

Tyrone/Cleary: Is this worth a lot of money?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s holding a fifty cent piece.

Jorja/Magnolia: No.

Tyrone/Cleary: Oh, it’s useless.

Jorja/Magnolia: It’s not useless. It could get you a… It’s useless. 

Tyrone/Cleary: What could this buy me?

Jorja/Magnolia: A lollipop.

Tyrone/Cleary: What’s a lollipop?

Jorja/Magnolia: It’s like sugar that’s been burnt down and added flavouring to it and then moulded into a sphere with a stick shoved in it, and then you get to suck on it for an hour.

Rosie/Lucille: An hour? My gosh.

Jorja/Magnolia: I don’t know. You could get a big lollipop. You know the really big rainbow ones?

Rosie/Lucille: I’ve got one at home.

Jorja/Magnolia: How did I know you would?

Tyrone/Cleary: I’d love to have a lollipop one day.

Steven/Noah: I mean, if you’ve got some cook’s utensils around, I’m sure I could make one.

Tyrone/Cleary: You’d make one?

Steven/Noah: Yeah.

Tyrone/Cleary: That’d be the best. 

Steven/Noah: I’m an artificer baby.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are you going to redistribute the rest of the gems later? 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yes.

Steven/Noah: I think they’re our pile at this point. Noah doesn’t care. He’s like, ‘Whatever.’

Jorja/Magnolia: I took all of mine, and five of what I’ve labelled as your pile.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh, something probably important to note is the time of day because you guys basically did an overnight trip. It’s sort of dawn of the next day. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Ooo, all nighter.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Magnolia has done plenty of these.

Steven/Noah: Noah has not. 

Jorja/Magnolia: You also short-rested on the way back. 

Steven/Noah: So, I feel fresh as a daisy.

Tyrone/Cleary: So, do you guys want to hit the shops? I do owe you something for these gems, or do you need some bed rest first?

Steven/Noah: I mean, I’m ready to hit the shops.

Jorja/Magnolia: I am too because I think shops and then maybe a little siesta for me, and then I’ll get back out there fighting crime and doing stuff. You know, the usual.

Olive/Timmit: I have to go and talk to Thaumus, so, you know, if you guys want to meet up somewhere later. I’ll go pop off and do that real quick.

Tyrone/Cleary: You don’t want to go hit up the shops?

Olive/Timmit: I mean, if you’re inviting me. Yeah. 

Tyrone/Cleary: Yeah, I don’t want to have to go twice. That’d just be annoying. 

Olive/Timmit: I guess you’re probably right. Yeah.

Steven/Noah: Yeah Timmit, stop being annoying.

Tyrone/Cleary: Lucille, you’re coming along then, yeah?

Rosie/Lucille: Oh yeah.

Tyrone/Cleary: How's that mirror coming along that I got you?

Rosie/Lucille: Really good. I used it once.

Jorja/Magnolia: I saw it! I saw her goats!

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, they're real!

Steven/Noah: You know they’re real!

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, but I always get this thing where I feel like people don’t believe me about my one hundred and twenty-three goats. Actually, some of them might be dead by now. 

Steven/Noah: You can pull up the mirror and have a look. You can check. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Check them one by one.

Rosie/Lucille: I might do that soon. Oh, that’d be a lot of secrets to tell. 

Tyrone/Cleary: One hundred and twenty-four goats now, right?

Rosie/Lucille: Oh, yeah! Oh, no. The balance is all off.

Jorja/Magnolia: But one might be dead.

Rosie/Lucille: Oh, oh! One might be dead. All good. 

Jorja/Magnolia: When you check all your goats, I’ll stand by and watch. I’ll make sure no one can hear your secrets. 

Rosie/Lucille: That’s such a good idea.

Tyrone/Cleary: Alright, let’s walk and talk. Let’s go the shops 

Jorja/Magnolia: Okay.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It is just opening for the day because it is morning. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Good morning.

Tyrone/Cleary: Did you guys see anything cool on your trips by the way?

Rosie/Lucille: There was a dragon?

Jorja/Magnolia: There was a little gecko that screamed at us.

Tyrone/Cleary: I guess a dragon is pretty cool. A gecko? I don’t know what the hell that is.

Jorja/Magnolia: It’s like a small dragon, but not a dragon.

Steven/Noah: It’s got no wings. 

Tyrone/Cleary: You guys are alright?

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah. 

Tyrone/Cleary: Nothing else? Didn’t see anything else?

Olive/Timmit: The lava pools were pretty cool.

Steven/Noah: We saw lots of gems, but you’ve already seen those.

Tyrone/Cleary: Fair enough.

Jorja/Magnolia: There were roots coming down from the ceiling like Glamos.

Tyrone/Cleary: Of the mine, or where?

Jorja/Magnolia: In the volcano?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to stop dead in her tracks and look at you. She’s going to be like:

Tyrone/Cleary: Sorry, just run that one by me right again. 

Jorja/Magnolia: So, we saw some roots coming from the ceiling and I think also maybe in the mines, but it was kind of dark, and they were the Glamos. Is it closer than it should be?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to pull out some scrap pieces of paper and write something down. She’s going to fly away. She’s going to fly to the castle, and be like:

Tyrone/Cleary: I need to talk to the king really quick. This will get you the stuff you need. Bye.

Jorja/Magnolia: Did she pass us the note she wrote?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, so it’s just four pieces of paper that say: ‘Put it on Cleary’s account.’

Jorja/Magnolia: It says, ‘Gimme.’

Olive/Timmit: Gib!

Steven/Noah: Give. Now.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s essentially an I.O.U. It’s like, ‘Charge to Cleary.

Jorja/Magnolia: This is my charge account.

Olive/Timmit: Man, those reeds must be real bad business.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I think they might be closer because… I mean, Moving Day, you think it’s supposed to be once a year. Like an annual thing, but that man said he’d worked there for fifty years, and he’s seen hundreds, so I think the timespan is getting shorter and shorter, so I think it might be moving quicker.

Olive/Timmit: I mean, when I was looking at it it did seem to be moving pretty quickly, but I don’t know. I don’t have any idea of how fast they were moving before, so I don’t know.

Jorja/Magnolia: Do we know the timeframe between the first Moving Day and the second?

Olive/Timmit: Kyros’s journal says they settled in Neptis. The field of reed came about and moved. About five years passed before they came back. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That was the first one you said, right?

Olive/Timmit: I think so. That’s what I have written here in my notes. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I believe when you were researching the Astronovis and you were reading up on when Kyros went to the Astronovis, that you knew that Kyros saw his Astronovis a week ago.

Olive/Timmit: Unless time is really weird here, I get the feeling it’s not been five years. We weren’t in the caves that long, were we?

Jorja/Magnolia: No, I think it was like a five minute trip. 

Olive/Timmit: Okay.

Jorja/Magnolia: Well, I mean, should we ask shopkeepers what they have?

*portal SFX*

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*portal SFX*

[music]

Tyrone/Bob: Hear ye, hear ye. Come see my wares. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Hello!

Tyrone/Bob: What are you in the market for?

Jorja/Magnolia: That’s a great question. There’s this movie that I really like. It’s about a little witch girl, and she’s got a big bow in her hair, and she’s got a black cat. His name is Jiji. He’s cool, but basically she can fly, but only when she’s on a broom.

Tyrone/Bob: Oh, that’s a bit weird.

Jorja/Magnolia: Do you guys have anything- Because I know you guys have a lot of magic stuff. Do you have anything like that?

Tyrone/Bob: I guess we don't have too much that can make you fly. Maybe go see Gregg down that way at his shop. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Who?

Tyrone/Bob: Gregg.

Jorja/Magnolia: Gregg. Thank you so much. Have a wonderful day. You’re so handsome. 

Tyrone/Gregg: Hello, I’m Gregg.

Jorja/Magnolia: Hello Gregg. You sound very similar to the last man. 

Tyrone/Gregg: Yeah, Bob’s my brother.

Jorja/Magnolia: Ah, Gregg and Bob. Of course. Well, Gregg, it’s clear you got all the looks of the family. I’m in the market for something that can make me fly. I have my heart set on a broom because it’s in one of my favourite movies.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can see there’s an assistant in the back sweeping. He’s just going to:

Tyrone/Gregg: Excuse me for a minute.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to walk over, grab the broom, do some little magic on it. He’s going to say some incantations on it under his breath.

*mumbling*

Steven/Noah: Bippity boppity boo!

*magic SFX*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’ll come back, and he’ll hand it to you. He’ll drop it, and it’ll float in the middle of the air. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Woah! You did that that quick?

Tyrone/Gregg: Yeah, it’s Gregg’s Incantations. Did you not read the sign?

Jorja/Magnolia: No, I just got told to come down here. I didn’t read. 

Steven/Noah: Noah’s going to be scribbling down notes about what he just saw. He’s like, “Ooo.”

Jorja/Magnolia: And when you did the incantation, is it a special language that you use? Because that just went straight over my head. 

Tyrone/Gregg: Yeah, magic language.

Jorja/Magnolia: What’s the magic language?

Tyrone/Gregg: You’ve got to go to magic school. It’s not just about the words, you see. It’s about the intentions, and it’s about the movements you do with your hands. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I look over to see if Noah’s writing it down.

Steven/Noah: He is.

Jorja/Magnolia: Perfect.

Steven/Noah: He’s going to put, ‘Abracadabranese’ in quotations.

Jorja/Magnolia: Perfect. “Well, thank you so much. I have this,” and I’ll hand over the piece of paper. 

Tyrone/Gregg: You guys are the mob that Cleary’s been buying all of this extra stuff from me for.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, we’ve been trying to help the… Well help the town - the city - really.

Tyrone/Gregg: Was that your business with the dragon?

Jorja/Magnolia: Not mine, no.

Steven/Noah: Neither mine.

Rosie/Lucille: Lucille’s kind of twiddling her thumbs, avoiding eye contact. 

Olive/Timmit: Timmit’s still flicking through some pages in his book, just trying not to look up. Head down.

Steven/Noah: He looks so guilty. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Have you ever seen a dragon before, or no?

Tyrone/Gregg: Nope.

Jorja/Magnolia: Was it cool to see it, or…?

Tyrone/Gregg: I mean, it was kind of scary actually. I thought it was going to burn down the Kingsgrove, and that’s, you know, that’s our Kingsgrove. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, that’s true, but there’s magic that can help bring it back.

Tyrone/Gregg: Yeah, but it’s going to take a little bit.

Jorja/Magnolia: Well, thank you very much for my broom.

Tyrone/Gregg: Yeah, that’s alright. Do any of your mates want anything while you’re here? Crystal! Charge it to Cleary’s account! Who’s next?

Olive/Timmit: Actually, I have a similar query if you could help me.

Tyrone/Gregg: You want to fly too I guess?

Olive/Timmit: Yes please. 

Tyrone/Gregg: Yeah, I called it. Yeah, what do you want? Do you want a broom as well? Do you watch this witch movie as well? I don’t know what a movie is, but you’ve watched it?

Olive/Timmit: No, actually. I never saw it, but what else could you put them on? Could you put that enchantment on a cape, or a cool crown, or maybe some boots?

Tyrone/Gregg: Oh yeah, do you want those boots that you’re wearing right now?

Olive/Timmit: Oh, yes please. That would be great.

Tyrone/Gregg: Take your shoes off.

Olive/Timmit: “Okay, alright.” He’ll take them off, and he’ll hold them up.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to take them to the back. He’s going to hit them together like you’re dusting them off or something.

Steven/Noah: Bippity boppity fucking boo

*magical SFX*

Tyrone/Gregg: Alright, Crystal charge that to the account as well. I can already see that he’s got a bit of paper that says it’s for Cleary. Thanks Crystal.

Jorja/Magnolia:  Thanks Crystal!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A shy teenage girl is like:

Tyrone/Crystal: Yeah.

Jorja/Magnolia:  I love what you’ve done with your hair.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s not going to say anything. She’s going to smile and twirl her hair.

Steven/Noah: You find all the gays. I love it.

Jorja/Magnolia:  I can scope them out. 

Tyrone/Gregg: Yeah, alright. Give them a twirl. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’ll hand them out and they’ll sort of float in the air again. 

Olive/Timmit: Woah, that’s so cool. Thank you. Thank you so much Gregg. I appreciate it.

Tyrone/Gregg: You’re welcome. I’ll be talking to Cleary sometime soon. Give them a try on. 

Olive/Timmit: “Okay, alright!” I’ll slip them on. “How do I make them go?”

Tyrone/Gregg: You just say the magic word of, ‘Go, go, go!”

Olive/Timmit: Sorry, what was the magic word?

Tyrone/Gregg: ‘Go, go, go.’

Olive/Timmit: Oh, okay, alright. Go, go, go!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll me a dexterity check please.

Olive/Timmit: Oh, okay, alright.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Timmit: Woah! Twenty-one.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Holy shit. You’re going to rival Lucille’s flying at this stage. Yeah, you’re going to do a sick flip in the air while you’re flying. You’re going to flutter up a little bit. Twirl around. Do a three-sixty.

Olive/Timmit: Woah! Woo hoo hoo hoo!

Jorja/Magnolia: Gregg, do I have the same word, or is there other words I need to know about?

Tyrone/Gregg: No, I made your word, ‘Jiji.’ You said something about a black cat named Jiji. I was like, ‘That’s a magic word right there.’

Jorja/Magnolia: “Thank you so much.” I get on it, and I go, “Jiji!” 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You get on your broom. You sort of feel a bit stupid doing it for the first time, but it raises up in the air a little bit. You sort of feel the bristles standing on end, and then you go around, do a loop a couple of times, like, ‘Zoom, zoom, zoom.’ Roll a dex check.

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Magnolia: Seventeen.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, you did pretty cool. Not some sick flips like Timmit, but, you know, you’re handling yourself alright. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Nice.

Tyrone/Gregg: Anything I can help you with today? Anything else I can charge to Cleary’s account? 

Rosie/Lucille: I don’t know if this is your expertise. It probably is, but I’ve realised that I’m a fairy, but I don’t have a wand. Do you have any wands?

Tyrone/Gregg: That’s an awful stereotype of our people.

Rosie/Lucille: Is it? Oh, well I just thought they were pretty cool, you know? You always see fairies out with their wands. Do you have a wand?

Tyrone/Gregg: No, that’s Bob’s expertise. Go talk to Bob.

Rosie/Lucille: Alright. Well, thank you Gregg. I’ll go see Bob.

Tyrone/Bob: Cat dragged you in, did you?

Rosie/Lucille: I have a goat? Oh wait, you’re Bob. Hello, Bob. You look and sound like your brother Gregg. 

Tyrone/Bob: We get that a lot. Some say I’m the handsome one of the family.

Rosie/Lucille: Oh, really?

Steven/Noah: Someone’s been lying to you.

*laughter*

Tyrone/Bob: What did Gregg send you down here for?

Rosie/Lucille: Oh, he said that you were the person to talk to about getting a fairy wand. 

Tyrone/Bob: Just a wand is what we call it here actually.

Rosie/Lucille: Alright, then I want one of your finest wands sir. 

Tyrone/Bob: What do you want the wand to do?

Rosie/Lucille: I really like the idea of a wand that would shoot something like missiles out of it.

Tyrone/Bob: Yeah, alright.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to pull out a case from underneath the table. You can see all of these different wands, and he’s going to be like:

Tyrone/Bob: Ah, this one. This is what you want. 

Rosie/Lucille: Ooo. I’m going to wave it.

Tyrone/Bob: Aim at the target please.

Rosie/Lucille: Last second, I whip around and aim it at the target, and I wave it. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll me an arcana check please Rosie.

Rosie/Lucille: Ooo, I haven’t done this.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Lucille: Nineteen.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That goes off without a hitch. I think that shoots one magic missile from memory. Hopefully you have the thing.

Rosie/Lucille: It shoots…

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And you get some charges back at each dawn or something?

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, it says seven charges, and I shoot one missile.

Tyrone/Bob: Yeah, alright. Well, that’s one charge down. Don’t go using it too wild. It’s got seven charges.

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, 1d6 plus one daily at dawn. “Ooo, seven missiles!”

Tyrone/Bob: Six now.

Rosie/Lucille: Six missiles. Thanks Bob!

Tyrone/Bob: What do you want that for?

Rosie/Lucille: Just for fun. I just thought it would be cool to have a little wand, you know? You know, you just wave it around.

Tyrone/Bob: Well keep it locked up, alright? It’s a bit dangerous to keep around the house.

Rosie/Lucille: I don’t have a lock.

Tyrone/Bob: How are you guys paying for this?

Rosie/Lucille: I’ve got paper.

Tyrone/Bob: Oh, Cleary. Alright,

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to yell across the market and be like:

Tyrone/Bob: Crystal! Charge it to the account. Pleasure doing business with you. Looks like you guys have got new stuff. What about you, bookish type?

Steven/Noah: Noah’s going to look up from his page, and he’s going to shove his book in his face, and it’s going to be blueprints, and he’s going to be like, “I want these things.”

Tyrone/Bob: What am I looking at here?

Steven/Noah: I want these things.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Well, that’s really great for our audio format. 

Steven/Noah: This is an audio format. There’s going to be… So, it’s going to have blueprints of Skittles, and on each of his legs are going to be these circular rocket booster looking things. Yeah, and it’s going to have circles around those things, and then it’s going to have an arrow that says, ‘Not this thing,’ pointing to Skittles, and say, ‘These things,’ pointing to the things on his feet.

Tyrone/Bob: Oh, I see. Not this thing.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Looking at Skittles.

Tyrone/Bob: Oh, yeah. Let me look at the junk pile. One second. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’ll see him get a big box out, and he’s throwing things around.

Steven/Noah: Noah’s eyes are like, ‘Ooo, look at all that junk.’ He’s got some much junk in that trunk.

Tyrone/Bob: I don’t know about this thing, but:

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to pull out four matching cylinders basically. He’s like:

Tyrone/Bob: Yeah, so you just put a gem in there. I don’t know how you’re going to get of any those. You’re friends with Cleary. She’s probably got some. You could probably ask her. You just put in a gem in there, say the magic word which is, ‘Fire!’

Steven/Noah: Do I have to have a magic word? I’m building this. This is mine.

Tyrone/Bob: Well, how are you going to activate it?

Steven/Noah: I’ll figure something out, don’t worry.

Tyrone/Bob: You can’t just have it on all the time.

Steven/Noah: No. Don’t worry. I’ll figure something out. Have you seen the blueprints mate? I’ve got this. 

Tyrone/Bob: Yeah, alright. Have you ever considered an apprenticeship?

Steven/Noah: With who? You?

Tyrone/Bob: Yeah.

Steven/Noah: Noah’s just going to look back at the junk, like, “I mean, we’re going to Avos next, but I mean, when I come back. Maybe.”

Tyrone/Bob: What the bloody hell do you want to do there?

Steven/Noah: We’re going to get the essence from there.

Tyrone/Bob: Essence? What the fuck is that?

Jorja/Magnolia: “It’s a Cleary thing.” I’m in the air by the way. “Cleary wants us to do all of this stuff for her, and that’s why she’s doing this for us.”

Tyrone/Bob: Oh, I see. You’ve already got an apprenticeship with Cleary. Alright.

Jorja/Magnolia: No, I do. Noah’s free if he wants to be.

Steven/Noah: I’m free.

Tyrone/Bob: Oh yeah, well come see me if you survive the Astroavos that you talked about. 

Steven/Noah: Is this Bob or Gregg?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: This is Bob. 

Steven/Noah: Oh okay. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Clearly it’s Bob!

Steven/Noah: Sorry, clearly it’s Bob. Bob gave me a magic word. I had to clarify.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Bob does equipment. Gregg does enchantments. 

Tyrone/Bob: Yeah, I’ve to call up Cleary on the Ruby. You guys are done here.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, thank you so much. You’re such a big help. We really appreciate it. 

Olive/Timmit: Thank you. Thank you very much Gregg. Bye.

Tyrone/Bob: I’m Bob!

Olive/Timmit: Oh, I’m so sorry. My absolute apologies. 

Tyrone/Bob: It’s alright. We get it all the time. Not that you could confuse me. I’m the handsome one.

Jorja/Magnolia: “Yes, you are sir.” I walk away.

Olive/Timmit: As we’re leaving, I would like to try to slip one of the gems that I have on the table as we leave.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Which one are you leaving behind? There’s seven or eight that I gave you. I think it was eight. 

Olive/Timmit: I didn’t write them all down, but I’ll just pick out the amethyst.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to be like:

Tyrone/Bob: Oh! You left… Never mind. Don’t mind if I do.

Steven/Noah: Bob, so shady. 

Rosie/Lucille: They call him Shady Bob.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s definitely the shady one.

Steven/Noah: I am going to walk away with Cleary’s bit of paper still in my hand as it was not asked for. 

Rosie/Lucille: I was thinking about that. It’s the perfect scheme. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I didn’t think of that. You got me there. 

*laughter*

Jorja/Magnolia: Now we just need Lucille to analyse the handwriting, so that she can write a bunch of these for us.

Steven/Noah: Lucille is not getting anywhere near this.

Jorja/Magnolia: No, no. 

Steven/Noah: I guess I’ll have to ask Magnolia for some fire gems. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Gems!

Steven/Noah: Thank you.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How many are you going to get

Steven/Noah: I need four. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to see a figure flying towards you from the Kingsgrove to the centre of town. It’s Cleary. 

Jorja/Magnolia:  Hey girl.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to grab Magnolia’s hand, and sort of yell at everyone to follow. Just be like:

Tyrone/Cleary: Come on, come one, come. We need to go see the king. He needs to hear exactly what you guys were talking about. 

Jorja/Magnolia:  Okay.

Steven/Noah: “Can I- Do we have to… Ugh.” Noah’s going to pack up all of his things and hold them in his arms.

Jorja/Magnolia:  I’m going to tell my broom to go underneath you and lift it all. 

Steven/Noah: And Skittles?

Jorja/Magnolia:  It can hold like four hundred pounds or some shit. 

Steven/Noah: I’m on Skittles. We’re fine.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are we flying behind? You’ve obviously got Skittles. Is Timmit and Lucille flying as well?

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, I’m going to go see the king.

Olive/Timmit: Timmit will look down at his new boots, and go, “Alright. Go, go, go. Ah!”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There’ll be little pegasus boots. Oh, do you want to tell me what they look like?

Olive/Timmit: They just look like my boots, bro.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They’re like suit shoes then, aren’t they?

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, so they’re suit shoes, but now they’ve got little fiery - whenever I activate them, I like to picture that they’ve got little waves of fire that kind of burst out from the soles of the shoes that cover and shoot outward in the direction that he’s flying.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Fuck yeah. Those little kid boots that light up when they walk. 

Olive/Timmit: Oh, hell yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What does the wand look like?

Rosie/Lucille: So, the wand looks like, basically, like a branch from a tree. Like, I’m imagining that it hasn’t been smoothed down properly, so it’s still kind of rough and looks bendy a little bit, and it’s pretty much just a plain stick. I imagine these are probably more like… These wands are more for show. They’re not usually used the way that Lucille wants to because apparently we’ve moved on from wands, so it’s pretty basic. Just a stick that has some magic in it. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Outdated?

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, it’s kind of really old.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah.

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, so we’re all flying in out magic new ways, and everyone’s kind of looking at you like, ‘The fuck? They’ve got no wings. How are they doing that?’

Jorja/Magnolia: I queen wave. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to lead you in the window of the Kingsgrove, and you’re going to arrive in the throne room.

[music]

Tyrone/Oberon: Ah, thank you all for coming at such short notice. 

Rosie/Lucille: My king, how have you been?

Steven/Noah: I’m just going to telepathically ask Skittles to get off the broom and sit very still while I work.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: While you work? While the king’s talking?

Steven/Noah: Yes. 

Jorja/Magnolia: I stand in front of him.

Tyrone/Oberon: Noah, if I could please have your attention for at least a moment. 

Steven/Noah: He’s going to telepathically respond to the king, and just say, ‘Yep, go ahead. I am listening.”

Tyrone/Oberon: Could you do that when I first met you?

Steven/Noah: I don’t actually believe that I could. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to actually reply in your mind as well.

Steven/Noah: No, it’s recently learned.

Tyrone/Oberon: We’ll come back to that.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s been a while since you guys have been in the throne room. I think it’s been since episode two since we were actually back here, so a nice, big, open space. Big, tall windows on either side. It’s on the lower side of the Kingsgrove compared to the other rooms. You’ve a nice, like if a wicker basket were a throne. Like it’s all woven wood together into a throne. He’s got Auris, the Kingsguard, by his side. Along with the other Kingsguard posted throughout the room. He’s wearing his crown of thorns, of course. Just a reminder that The Kingsguard, they’re bare-chested with their little flower crowns. They've got a leaf skirt situation happening.

Steven/Noah: Slay.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s the traditional robe, thank you.

Jorja/Magnolia:  And it’s slay. 

Tyrone/Oberon: Yes, thank you all for coming at such short notice. As the king of this land, I need a report from all of you about what happened. I need to file an incident report. 

Jorja/Magnolia: I’ve already started actually.

Tyrone/Oberon: Do you want to recount it verbally, or do you just want to hand me the book, or…?

Jorja/Magnolia: It’s a rough draft. I was going to go back over it and edit it. I’ve been told to never submit your first work, so yeah. I also want to confer with the others. Just to make sure that I’m not missing anything.

Steven/Noah: Peer review. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, yeah.

Tyrone/Oberon: Well then, I’ll take the verbal version then, I suppose. Who’d like to begin by telling me what happened in the mines?

Jorja/Magnolia: Well, we were walking down that hallways, and then a little - what I call a gecko, but apparently you guys don’t have geckos. It’s like a small dragon that doesn’t have wings and doesn't breathe fire- Oh, did it breathe fire? It did something. There was some fire while we were there.

Tyrone/Oberon: You were in Novis, yes. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get it. And then we dealt with that. There were actually two of them, and then we kept going down the hallway. We saw some gems. We got some gems for Cleary. We kept going. Found the dragon-

Tyrone/Oberon: What was that about gems for Cleary?

Jorja/Magnolia: There were just some pretty rocks. I don’t know if they do anything, but that just reminded me of her.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That was a lie. Roll a deception.

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Magnolia: Woah. Twenty-one.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay.

Jorja/Magnolia: I just tried to find something nice for her because she’s putting in all that work to help us to help you.

Tyrone/Oberon: So, Cleary didn’t ask you to get these gems?

Jorja/Magnolia: No.

Tyrone/Oberon: Okay.

Jorja/Magnolia: And then… Oh yeah, while we were fighting that little lizard guy there were some roots that I noticed, and then we got to the big cave that had the dragon in it, and there were more roots. Cleary seemed pretty concerned about those. They were Glamost roots. Is that why we’re here?

Tyrone/Oberon: Oh yes, I’m interested in the dragon, and I’m also interested in these reeds you were talking about, yes.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, so they look like the Glamos reeds. Is it moving quicker than you anticipated?

Tyrone/Oberon: Yes. Yeah, you could definitely say that, yes.

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m going to break this man down. I can see everything that’s happening. “Yeah, because we were talking to that guard - I don’t know his job - but he was saying that in his position - he’s been there for not that long - but he’s witnessed hundreds of Moving Days, which seems like it’s going up exponentially, so are the reeds coming in quicker than they used to?”

Tyrone/Oberon: Yes. I think I had this conversation with Lucille I believe before that. 

Jorja/Magnolia: You guys talked?

Tyrone/Oberon: Yeah, we had some lovely tea by the museum. 

Rosie/Lucille: We're good buds.

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh that’s great. Good for you guys. 

Tyrone/Oberon: It was a couple of days ago. It was quite nice on Tea Day. It was a nice change.

Jorja/Magnolia: “Beautiful.” I’m just trying to distract him from the dragon and that I almost outed Cleary. 

Tyrone/Oberon: So, as I was saying. I was saying to Lucille that we currently… Our scouts have not found any new locations to move, so when Glamost comes in on us there’s no more Moving Day. So, I have a formal request of you all. I would like your consent on something. 

Rosie/Lucille: Anything my king. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Proceed with caution.

Steven/Noah: You did see what he did to that dragon, right?

Jorja/Magnolia: If that’s how I go out, that’s how I go out. 

Tyrone/Oberon: So, Cleary tells me that Timmit brought news of Kyros’s probably untimeliness. Maybe not demised, but in certain trouble. Not returning. Would I be correct Timmit?

Olive/Timmit: In- In- In his demise, sorry, you said?

Tyrone/Oberon: Just in his trouble, I suppose. From my understanding, his demise is not certain. Just that his trouble is certain. 

Olive/Timmit: Oh, well, yes. Yes, I did get a glimpse of him, but he seemed to help. He didn’t seem like he was in any trouble or was scared. He… I don’t know. It was just for a moment.

Tyrone/Oberon: Do you recall what he said to you?

Olive/Timmit: I don’t really know. All I know is that I think he said something about there being another one, and he told me to close my eyes, and I did, and I felt comforted, and I’m sorry that was all I saw. 

Tyrone/Oberon: I am curious about how you remembered this. It seemed like some interaction with the essence.

Olive/Timmit: I couldn’t say, your king.

Tyrone/Oberon: I think possibly that Magnolia had reported a similar thing?

Jorja/Magnolia: “Ye, ye, ye.” She was zoned out and then heard her name.

Tyrone/Oberon: Interesting, and did we get a similar lapse of memory when we touched the essence of fire recently?

Jorja/Magnolia: I didn’t. No.

Rosie/Lucille: I don’t recall. 

Tyrone/Oberon: Curious. Ah, the request that I had for you, sorry. I was rambling on, aren’t I? You see, our initial plan was for Kyros to come back then bring us all with him. I’m afraid that we are out of time, and I would humbly ask if - once you finish your machine - if you would also allow us the use of it to allow us to return home when you return home.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah.

Olive/Timmit: Your king, I understand your position. I think we might need to talk about this before we can give a solid, confirmed answer.

Tyrone/Oberon: If that is the opinion of the group, I understand you need time to talk about it. Please come to me when you’re ready, but just know that - as you probably understand now - time is fleeting.

Olive/Timmit: Yes, yes. I understand, truly.

Tyrone/Oberon: When you come again, we can talk about the dragon then. I’ll leave you to it. You may go.

Jorja/Magnolia: Thank you my liege. 

Rosie/Lucille: Goodbye my king. Let us have tea again soon.

Tyrone/Oberon: I’ll see if my calendar is free.

Rosie/Lucille: Oh, don’t worry about it darling. We’ll make it work.

Tyrone/Oberon: Ta ta.

[music]

Olive/Timmit: I’m sorry… Who? Did you guys just say yes?

Jorja/Magnolia: I don’t know about you guys. Magnolia said yes. 

Steven/Noah: Wait, have we left?

Jorja/Magnolia: I would have left.

Rosie/Lucille: I think we walked out. I walked out. 

Steven/Noah: Like, we walked out and we’re talking in the door or something?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are you just in the corridor at the moment?

Jorja/Magnolia: On the way to somewhere.

Steven/Noah: Okay.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Where are you going?

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m assuming Timmit needed to go see Thaumus, so I just started heading that way.

Olive/Timmit: Okay, could we just… I’m sorry. Could we just have a conversation just for two minutes.

Jorja/Magnolia: I could fit it in. 

Olive/Timmit: Could we just find a room? Just to go into and be alone?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Do you want to pick a random room, or…?

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, let’s pick a random room. Let’s go for it. 

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m going to step away while Timmit does that. 

Steven/Noah: Noah’s still tinkering by the way.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Just roll a flat twenty Olive. We’ll see what luck roll we’ve got. 

*dice rolls*

Olive/Timmit: Ten.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s very mid.

Olive/Timmit: Same. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, you find a… What do you find? You find a kitchen. It’s not a meal time, so there’s nothing here right now. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Not even, perhaps, a carrot?

Olive/Timmit: Not even third breakfast?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep, but you’ve got a kitchen to yourself.

Olive/Timmit: Okay, hold on. Bear with me a second here. So, the king - this king - yes he is a king. Sure. Of this land. Asks us if it’s okay if he can teleport to our world. Who are we? Who are you?

Jorja/Magnolia: He didn’t say that though. He said they want to use it at the same time to go back to their world while we go back to our home.

Olive/Timmit: But he doesn’t even know if he can do that. 

Jorja/Magnolia: I don’t know. I figured that we would just figure it out. 

Olive/Timmit: I don’t have a very good feeling about this. I don’t…

Jorja/Magnolia: When do you ever have a good feeling about something?

Olive/Timmit: Yeah.

Jorja/Magnolia: You seem very nervous all the time, and it’s good, but we’ve just got to get home, and if their time is running out, our time’s running out.

Olive/Timmit: Okay, okay, okay. I don’t know. There’s just- It doesn’t-

Jorja/Magnolia: I agree. I think there’s something else going on, but also I outed Cleary, and two of us set a dragon on the loose, and it seems like he’s kind of forgotten about that since then, so it seemed like a good idea to be like, ‘Yeah, yeah. We’ll figure it out. That’s fine.’

Olive/Timmit: Sure. Okay. 

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m looking for a carrot.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master:  You find a carrot.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yes!

Steven/Noah: Is there any sugar around?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There is sugar around. It is a kitchen. 

Steven/Noah: I was just asking, I would make a lollipop, but I’m busy. 

Rosie/Lucille: But now you know you could make a lollipop.

Steven/Noah: Exactly. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sorry, is this the conversation finished? We’re just snacking now. We’re like, ‘Okay, Timmit’s done talking now. We’ll snack.’

Rosie/Lucille: Little snack.

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, as soon as they are distracted by looking for whatever, Timmit’s going to start exiting the room, and just over his shoulder, “I’m going to go see Thaumus if anyone’s going that way, but I’m going to go.”

Jorja/Magnolia: Are you okay?

Olive/Timmit: I guess we’ll find out, huh?

Rosie/Lucille: Ooo.

Steven/Noah: Can I cast Detect Thoughts? Noah is going to look up from his tinkering just to cast Detect Thoughts.

Olive/Timmit: Are you reading surface level thoughts, or are you just going to go straight down in the deep.

Steven/Noah: I mean, you look like you’re about to leave, so yeah. Let’s go deep.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think you get the surface level thoughts to begin with anyway. 

Steven/Noah: Yeah, we’ll start with surface. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What are you thinking about?

Olive/Timmit: Oh jeez. Timmit is just surface… The first thing immediately - right off the top of his head - is the mix of guilt, but also rage about the dragon issue. He’s like, ‘Yeah, I know that I fucked up, but I was trying to help, and I don’t know why I’d be pooled in with this because I was trying to protect Lucille, and now the king is suspicious of us, and I just don’t understand what’s going on. I’m frustrated.’

Steven/Noah: And deeper than that?

Olive/Timmit: What do I need to roll to save against that?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s a wisdom saving throw, so what’s the DC for the save?

Steven/Noah: It is fifteen.

Olive/Timmit: Alright, here we go.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Timmit: That’s a nineteen. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Woah. Does it know that you read its thoughts? I just need to check. ‘Either way, the target knows that you are probing into its mind.’

Steven/Noah: Excellent.

Olive/Timmit: So, as soon as I feel the spike of Noah attempting to pierce through into Timmit’s mind, Timmit is going to close his eyes and push that energy out from his brain, and he’ll snap his eyes open, and he’ll take a single step towards Noah, and he’ll see this fire writhing through his hair, and deadpanning straight to Noah will say, “Keep out of my head!” and then I will cast Gift of Gab, so that both Magnolia and Lucille will instead hear the words, “I’m fine Noah. It’s okay.”

*mystical whirring*

Theme Song: *rock music plays*

Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Thank you so much for listening to Portal Quandary. Portal Quandary is made possible by the following people: Myself, Tyrone Cross as Dungeon Master, Community Manager, and Editor, Steven Edwards as Noah, Olive Jerome as Timothy and the Editing Assistant, Rosemary Ochtman as Lucille, and Jorja Odd as Magnolia. Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant, and that theme song is Belly of the Beast by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas. We’re currently on the lookout for two people to join the team as a Transcriber and as a Community Manager. I that sounds like you, and you’d like to make some awesome audio content, please send us an email or slide into our DMs, which our email is portalquandary@gmail.com. We’re on a bunch of socials now, so please check us out there at Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and Threads. All @PortalQuandary. This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people, and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders. 

Theme Song: *rock music continues* 

Finding home in the belly of the beast, (in the belly of the beast), to make it home we can’t accept defeat, (there’s no turning back) so roll the dice and come along with me, (come along with me, let’s go), finding home in the belly of the beast.

Jorja/Magnolia: Could it be a bubble beam?

Steven/Noah: It’s super effective. 

*laughter*

Jorja/Magnolia: He’s weak to my typing. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s antique.

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah! Oh, antique. That makes it sound better, doesn’t it?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master:  Retro.

Steven/Noah: Rustic. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master:  Rustic. 

Rosie/Lucille: When something says rustic fries, like are they really old? What do you mean?

Tyrone/Oberon: Ta Ta.

Rosie/Lucille: Like tartare sauce?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Why would he say tartare?

Jorja/Magnolia: Tartare. ‘King, here’s your tartare.’ ‘Oh, tartare.’

*laughter*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Bring the beat in. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Anything for you Beyonce. 

Steven/Noah: When you said time was fleeting. Like, ‘It’s astounding.’