Episode 16: Avos

Tempers flare after Timmit catches Noah prying. Magnolia performs another aetherbloom experiment,  and Lucille seeks answers about the voice in her head. Meanwhile, with the bounty of gems gathered in Novis, Timmit finds a way to help equip the team for their foray upwards into Avos.

Content warnings for this week’s episode include coarse language.

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Dungeon Master, Editing, Community Manager, and Transcriber is Tyrone Cross      

Noah is Steven Edwards

Timothy and Editing Assistant is Olive Jerome

Lucille is Rosemary Ochtman

Magnolia is Jorja Odd

Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant

Theme song is “Belly of The Beast” by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas (@lilyharnath & @henrylucas5)

We’re on the lookout for a couple of people to join the team as a Community Manager and Transcriber. Send us an email if that sounds like you!

Email us at portalquandary@gmail.com 

Sound effects used in this episode include:

sun405 - levelclearer

Beating Wings - justkiddink

Nostromo17 - levelclearer

Intro_snow4 - levelclearer

Synthetic Chipring - Owdeo

Magic Spell - Sleeping spell 1.wav - OGSoundFX

This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders. 

The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased) is intended or should be inferred.

Transcript

Rosie/Lucille: Portal Quandary has some content warnings, which you can find in the episode description. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Kyros stumbles into the room and tries to mask the sound of his fall. Jack pulls the door behind them shut and they lock eyes, straining to hear what will break the deafening silence. A few seconds pass. Kyros starts to ask in a whisper, 

Tyrone/Kyros: Do you think-?

Tyrone/Agent Jack: Shh!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Jack presses his ear against the door. Kyros huffs a quiet sigh and prods at his well of magic. It’s still sluggish, still replenishing after the anti-magic wards in his cell but there should be just enough for something small. When Jack turns away from the door, finally satisfied that his guardsmen didn’t see him leading Kyros freely down a corridor, he finds himself facing a Winter Court fairy in a uniform that. . . almost matches his own exactly. He raises an eyebrow. Kyros huffs. 

Tyrone/Kyros: I only have so much mana right now. It’ll do as long as nobody looks at me too closely. At least til I get my hands on something better.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Jack nods thoughtfully. 

Tyrone/Agent Jack: I guess it will save me shoving you through the first doorway I see whenever somebody starts coming toward us. I think the others have passed us by for now. Come one. The way out isn’t far.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Kyros grabs his arm. 

Tyrone/Kyros: I can’t leave! My orrery is still somewhere down here! I need to get it back - I need to find a way to send a message to my partner, or fix it and go back myself but that would take more time than I currently have, and-

Tyrone/Agent Jack: Ok, ok, calm down.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Jack pokes his head out of the doorway. 

Tyrone/Agent Jack: The coast is clear. If they confiscated the orrery when they took you in, it’s probably still in item processing.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Kyros follows Jack, and wonders one more time if this is some elaborate trap. But no - there’s no need to trap somebody that was already captured. Is there?

Tyrone/Kyros: I don’t suppose this ‘item processing’ area will be free of supervision?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Jack winks and digs around in his jacket pocket. He pulls out a small wheeled device and hands it to Kyros, reaching into another pocket for something else. Kyros inspects the object with a healthy amount of scepticism.

Tyrone/Kyros: Am I supposed to know what this is?

Tyrone/Agent Jack: It’s literally just a remote controlled car.

Tyrone/Kyros: A remote controlled car?

Tyrone/Agent Jack: Summer court, I swear,

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Jack rolls his eyes and finally finds the remote, pulling it out and pressing a button. Kyros jumps as the car in his hands emits a jingle.

Tyrone/Agent Jack: Item processing has lots of magical fuckery going on, doesn’t it? So they have anti-magic wards up to stop anything from going bonkers before they can figure out what it does and what they need to do with it. But, through rigorous trial and error and maybe a few broken friendships, I’ve worked up a way around all that.

Tyrone/Kyros: Will that tiny device murder the guards stationed there for us while it plays a song?

Tyrone/Agent Jack: Silt-encrusted hovel in a swamp, Kyros, you expect me to kill my coworkers in cold blood? Maybe if they were assholes I’d consider it but I’m not that much of a grub-muncher. I can cast a delayed sleep spell with the car as my point of origin, then drive it right up to the edge of the wards. The sound will attract the guards, and when they’re close enough, boom. Sleep.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master:  Kyros peers at the car. 

Tyrone/Kyros: And you’re certain that will work?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master:  Jack shrugs. 

Tyrone/Agent Jack: It worked on the guards at your cell.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Kyros shrugs. 

Tyrone/Kyros:  I suppose that’s good enough for me.

*toy car drives, beeps, and then a magic cloud disperses*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: His fingers tremble when he picks the orrery up. He expects it to feel heavier than normal, as if somehow burdened not only with its physical weight but the weight of its importance, how crucial it is to the mission at hand. But it is as light as ever, its shape familiar to Kyros’ hands. Jack looks up from arranging the unconscious guards comfortably behind a desk. He wrinkles his nose. 

Tyrone/Agent Jack: Is that it? I thought it’d be bigger. Or shinier.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Kyros waves him off. 

Tyrone/Kyros:  This is it. Now hand me one of those guard’s jackets. My disguise self was dispelled by the ward. It’s time for step three.

Theme Song: *rock music plays*

Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hello, and welcome back to Portal Quandary: Prophis. Last time that we played, we kind of left in a really tense situation, and now Timmit and Noah are maybe having a little bit of a fight. I don’t know. We’ll see how it goes. I think Timmit’s just left the room. He’s storming up probably to Thaumus, but I’ll ask him properly in a minute. I’m going to actually start with the other three though. You’re sitting in a room. Noah knows what’s going down, but the other two maybe don’t know what’s going on.

Jorja/Magnolia: So, what the fuck was that about? Did you- Did he get all fiery for everyone else, or…?

Steven/Noah: Yeah, I saw that.

Rosie/Lucille: I thought he just went for a walk. 

Jorja/Magnolia: But he was saying that he was fine and obviously wasn’t fine because he started super saiyaning.

Steven/Noah: I think Noah is going to telepathically talk to Magnolia, and just be like, “I need to talk to you later. It’s about this whole telepathy thing, which means that I can’t talk about it with Lucille in the room.”

Jorja/Magnolia: Magnolia nods while looking elsewhere, trying to be really nonchalant about it.

Rosie/Lucille: What are you nodding about?

Jorja/Magnolia: The structure in this kitchen is just really up to code. 

Rosie/Lucille: Oh, you’re a fan of architecture and rules are you?

Jorja/Magnolia: Architecture, yes. Rules, sometimes. 

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, the code. It’s good, yeah. I get that.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I knew you would.

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah.

Jorja/Magnolia: Well, I mean, maybe we should leave him to cool off.

Rosie/Lucille: To stew, if you would.

Jorja/Magnolia: Ferment.

Rosie/Lucille: Degrade. 

Jorja/Magnolia: I think he just needs time. I think they’re just stressed, so maybe some time will be good. 

Steven/Noah: Yeah, I think so.

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah.

Jorja/Magnolia: “Okay, okay.” She takes a big bite of the carrot she found. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master + Jorja/Magnolia: *biting foley*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What are you guys doing? Are you just going to hang out in the kitchen for a while? Have you got places to do, people to see? What’s the hip-hap?

Jorja/Magnolia: I am assuming that Timmit is going to go up to Thaumus because, I don’t know, they’ve got a thing going on, so I’m going to go up to Cleary.

Steven/Noah: I’m also going to go to Cleary. I need to use her workshop.

Rosie/Lucille: But, I’m also going to Cleary. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Ooo, let’s all go to Cleary.

Steven/Noah: Let’s all go to Cleary. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Do you all communicate this, or do you all go to leave at the same time and then realise that you’re going to the same place?

Steven/Noah: That is one hundred percent how we would do it. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, we all walk through the door and are like, “Well, I’m going this- Are you guys also…? Cleary?”

Rosie/Lucille: No, but I like to imagine that as we walk through the door we haven’t communicated, so we all walk through at the same time and comically bump into each other.

Jorja/Magnolia: I muscle through.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Magnolia just steps over the two of you.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah. ‘Excuse me, excuse me. I just need to… Business.’

Olive/Timmit: Skittles comes behind all three of you and scoops you up and drags you along the way.

Steven/Noah: Come Skittles. We walk. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Up.

*laughter*

[music]

Tyrone/Cleary: Ah, Noah. Hi. Oh, Lucille. Hi. Ah, oh Magnolia. Hi. Timmit? No?

Jorja/Magnolia: No, Timmit’s, I think, doing some magic stuff.

Rosie/Lucille: Picking some thyme from the garden. I think he’s making a stew.

Tyrone/Cleary: The first one sounds like him. Cooking? That’s not him.

Rosie/Lucille: He’s either a chef or a lawyer. I don’t remember.

Steven/Noah: He’s either a chef or a lawyer.

Jorja/Magnolia: They’re basically the same thing. 

Olive/Timmit: People can be two things.

Tyrone/Cleary: Is there- Can I help you with something?

Steven/Noah: Oh, I just need to use your workshop if that’s okay. I’ve got some rockets to install.

Tyrone/Cleary: What’s mine is yours Noah. Yes.

Steven/Noah: “Cool, thanks.” He’s going to potter on. Find himself a little space. Help himself to her tools, and start tinkering away.

Tyrone/Cleary: And you guys? What?

Jorja/Magnolia: I was wondering if I could maybe do some sort of experimenting in here with your stuff. If that’s okay? You can help if you want. It’s very minimal. 

Tyrone/Cleary: I’m going to have to start doing a hire fee on my room because everyone’s just wanting to use my room and my stuff, but it’s fine this time. It’s okay.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I’ve got no money, and you know that.

Tyrone/Cleary: Yes, yes I do. My tab that I’ve just received from Gregg and Bob-

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, they’re so lovely. 

Tyrone/Cleary: Aren’t they? I cannot tell the two apart. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, me neither. I just call them both handsome. 

Tyrone/Cleary: That’s a good one. I should use that on everyone.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, it’s how I get around.

Tyrone/Cleary: Lucille, what are you doing here?

Rosie/Lucille: It’s a bit of a private matter Cleary. I was wondering if I could speak to you alone.

Tyrone/Cleary: Oh, okay. Can I trust you two in my space for a minute while me and Lucille talk?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah. 

Steven/Noah: Noah’s just going to put a thumb up. Not even look up. 

Tyrone/Cleary: Okay, let’s…

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to lead you across the hallway into her bedroom, I guess.

Jorja/Magnolia: Magnolia is staring dagger eyes to Lucille.

Tyrone/Cleary: Is everything okay Lucille?

Rosie/Lucille: Well, Cleary, lately I’ve been having voices in my head, you see, and normally that’s okay. Like, sometimes it’ll tell me what to do, and it’s helpful but I’ve recently thought to myself that this voice is a male voice, and I’m not a male, and it’s a bit confusing to me because it seems to make me do things that I wouldn’t think of myself, so I’m a bit concerned with all the magic around.

Tyrone/Cleary: Cognitive science is really hard to get around. Especially when magic is involved. It is really hard to describe what the voice in your head sounds like. A male voice though?

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, yeah. It’s a bit strange. I hadn’t heard this one before I came to this world. The voice in my head used to be different.

Tyrone/Cleary: Do you think it maybe changed when your form changed? You said you weren’t a fairy before.

Rosie/Lucille: No, no, but it wasn’t the whole time I was here. It started in the last little while, and I don’t know what it is. It thought maybe it was when I killed something. It was like a conscience type thing, but I don’t know. 

Tyrone/Cleary: If you’re concerned it could be magic, possibly Thaumus could be the person to talk to, I guess, but-

Steven/Noah: I just had a thought. You’re going to send both of them to Thaumus, and they’re both going to know it’s me because you’re pissed off at me right now. 

Rosie/Lucille: I guess I just want to know, is there a way to know if it’s my voice or if it’s someone talking to me in my head? Someone who’s not me.

Tyrone/Cleary: Magic is not overly my strong suit. I’m more about inventing things, so I am a scientist, but if you’re concerned it could magic Thaumus is the lady to talk to. 

Rosie/Lucille: Alright, well I guess I’ll go off on a little adventure then. Off to Thaumus. Thalmos?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Thaumus, yes.

Rosie/Lucille: That one.

Tyrone/Cleary: Everything okay besides that?

Rosie/Lucille: Oh, perfect, perfect. I’m having a wonderful time galavanting around. Yes, thank you.

Tyrone/Cleary: Oh, that’s great. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to give a cautious pat to Goaty. 

Tyrone/Cleary: It’s not so bad. Yeah, yeah. It’s alright.

Rosie/Lucille: Thanks. 

Tyrone/Cleary: Well, I better make sure these two haven’t blown up my workshop yet. I’ll see you soon.

Rosie/Lucille: Alright. Bye. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I assume that you guys had a little conversation while that was happening while you had the room to yourselves.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I would tap Noah and be like, “Do you want to talk now, or are you busy?”

Steven/Noah: Yeah, yeah. We should probably talk now while she’s not in the room. So, just prior when Timmit’s hair flared up; what did you hear?

Jorja/Magnolia: Timmit basically said that he was fine. It was all fine. It’s good.

Steven/Noah: Okay, I think he used his magic thing where he makes you hear things because I didn’t hear that. To me he said, ‘Get out of my head.’ He wasn’t himself, so I used my telepathy thing that I’m still learning how to do, and I think i went a little too far into his brain, and I think he knew I was there, so that’s when he turned around and was like, ‘Get out of my head,’ so I’m still learning how this works, and I don’t think I’ll do that again because that wasn’t clever, but either way he’s going through some stuff, and I’m not great with emotions, so I was wondering if you could help me with that. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I thought that. Yeah, yeah. I think there’s some things that are stressing him like us all, and probably at that time I don’t think he would have appreciated that.

Steven/Noah: Yeah, no. That makes sense. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, but we can work on it. I’ll help. I’ll help.

Steven/Noah: Okay, awesome. Thanks. I appreciate it.

Jorja/Magnolia: No problem.

Steven/Noah: “Thank you for your counsel.” He’s going to turn back around and start tinkering again.

Jorja/Magnolia: Magnolia salutes. 

Tyrone/Cleary: Oh god, that was… I hope Lucille’s alright. I can see that my workshop is back in one piece.

Jorja/Magnolia: You hope Lucille’s alright? 

Tyrone/Cleary: Yeah. 

Jorja/Magnolia: What’s wrong with her?

Tyrone/Cleary: Well, she wanted to talk about it in private. It wouldn’t be very nice to talk about it, would it?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, true. Sorry.

Tyrone/Cleary: Noah, are you good over there?

Steven/Noah: Thumbs up.

Tyrone/Cleary: Magnolia, do you need a hand? Are you alright?

Jorja/Magnolia: “I think I’m good for most of it.” I would have just tried to find essentially just a bunch of petri dishes.

Tyrone/Cleary: Yep, got those lying around.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yep, and can I have a bunch of different materials that you use in your city and for the walls and building and everything like that and then any sort of metals or… Anything that you would use to make structures out of, or that you could use. I know that you don’t have a lot of metals, but anything in that sort of area.

Tyrone/Cleary: Alright, I”m just going to go down to the engineering department real quick. I’ll be back.

Jorja/Magnolia: Thank you. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She comes back.

Jorja/Magnolia: Fuck you’re quick.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No, it’s like ten minutes later.

Jorja/Magnolia: God you’re slow.

Steven/Noah: *like Spongebob Squarepants transitions* Ten minutes later.

Jorja/Magnolia: *like Spongebob Squarepants transitions* Ten minutes later.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, she comes back with a chunk of brick. She’ll be like:

Tyrone/Cleary: Ah yeah. Aedon gave me this one. This one actually came from my house. This one is just a tile from my roof. Yep, I got a little bit of bark from the Kingsgrove. I got some timber from Neptis that we use sometimes for the houses. Is that good enough?

Jorja/Magnolia: That’s very helpful. Thank you so much. 

Tyrone/Cleary: Any time, any time, any time Magnolia.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, what are you doing with it?

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, I would also run off and grab some random plants from outside, like flowers and stuff. I know I have some, but I’d get others as well. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Maybe some thyme.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, get some thyme. Some rosemary.

Rosie/Lucille: That’s me.

Jorja/Magnolia: That’s you, and essentially there’s going to be one petri dish that doesn’t have anything in it, and I’m going to put a bit of aetherbloom and a different plant on the other side, and then use magic on the side that has the normal plant and watch it move over, and then I’m going to use different materials in the middle here to try and make a barricade and see if they take longer to get through, or if anything stops it, or if anything changes between it.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yes, I am calculating variables.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What’s the first material we’re using Magnolia?

Jorja/Magnolia: I’ll use the regular timber because I think that would be the easiest to pass through, so I’m basically going to time it to see if anything changes because I know it will still pass through.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And what sort of magic are we using?

Jorja/Magnolia: Cleary, can you do some sort of magic? Like a light or something? Just here.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep, she’ll cast Faerie Fire.

Jorja/Magnolia: Thank you.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And the results. The results are in Professor Magnolia.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yes.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re doing it on the side of the plant or the side of the aetherbloom?

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m going to do it on the side of the plant, but I might go back and do it on the other side to see if that changes as well.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, you can see the aetherbloom grow. It grows relatively quickly because it does grow quick, but obviously this is a tiny space so it’s going to go pretty quick. You can sort of see it go into the grains - into the grooves - of the wood as it starts growing into the wood and through the other side. It starts breaking down the wood. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Okay.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What’s up next?

Jorja/Magnolia: I will go brick. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Brick. That’s from the wall.

Jorja/Magnolia: From the bakery I would assume.

Rosie/Lucille: So sad.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: This one, she casts Faerie Fire once again, and it doesn’t seem to pass through. This is the same brick that they use for all of the wall, so yep. They’ve designed it that way.

Jorja/Magnolia: Okay. I will go tile next.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Tile. She casts Faerie Fire yet again. She’s changing colour every time. Why not?

Jorja/Magnolia: Sick.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Showing off. The tile, it seems to take a bit longer. You’d expect it to be a bit like the brick, but eventually- Picture a vine forcing its way into the tile as it eventually pokes a hole through the other side. It will find any tiny bit that it can like a weed finding its way through cement.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I was picturing all the grass that grows in the middle of roads randomly.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes, yes. That.

Jorja/Magnolia: And the for the bark, before I get Cleary to cast Faerie Fire, I’m going to hold it near the aetherbloom.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep.

Jorja/Magnolia: Does it react in any way?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It almost seems like the bark gets stronger. Like, it gets thicker. It sort of absorbs the magic of the aetherbloom.

Jorja/Magnolia: And then I will try sitting it next to it with Faerie Fire.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s basically an amplified version of what just happened. The bark will start to shine, and it will basically become like those fossilised leaves that The Kingsguard use. Sort of like that. Yeah, it absorbs the magic.

Jorja/Magnolia: Interesting. Okay. Every time Cleary changed colour I’d go, “Ooo.”

Tyrone/Cleary: ‘Oh, this ol’ thang?’

Jorja/Magnolia: ‘Oh, this is nothing.’

Tyrone/Cleary: ‘All fairies know this spell.’

Jorja/Magnolia: ‘Yeah, but you do it so well,’ and then I’m going to ask if I can take what I made with me to test other things that we find. If I find different materials- Like the petri dish. Like, “Can I take this with me so I can test some things if we find something that I don’t want to bring back or anything like that?”

Tyrone/Cleary: Yeah, alright. I’ve got enough petri dishes. Sure, for you Magnolia. I can trust you. This one on the other hand - Noah. I don’t know if I can trust him.

Jorja/Magnolia: You can trust him as long as he’s tinkering because he’s not doing anything else. 

Steven/Noah: Thumbs up again. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Doesn’t even notice that we’re talking about him. 

Jorja/Magnolia: You’ve just heard voices. You don’t know what the words. You’re like, ‘Probably asking if I’m okay.’

Steven/Noah: *mumbling like adults from Peanuts* Noah *mumbling like adults from Peanuts*

Jorja/Magnolia: *mumbling like adults from Peanuts* It’s the adults in Charlie Brown. That’s all I needed to do. I tested on both sides though, so if I get her to put Faerie Fire on the side with the aetherbloom does it still go to the plant?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes, yes. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yes, okay. Perfect.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You are correct. Hopefully, listeners, you’ve been following all of that because I barely followed any of that.

Jorja/Magnolia: I can make a diagram that you can post somewhere if you want. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, let’s do that. Next instagram post when this one comes out. I’ll probably forget, but let’s do it. Noah.

Steven/Noah: Yes. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The tinkering that’s happening. What’s going on over there?

Steven/Noah: So, Skittles has four legs, and-

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He does.

Steven/Noah: I’m currently installing onto each of those legs. They are to be fuelled by fire gems apparently.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Citrine.

Steven/Noah: Fire gems, and he is installing a mechanism so that he’ll press a button and it’ll activate the boosters.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: But the command word, Steven. The command word. 

Steven/Noah: Well, the command word will be in a little device that he has recorded into that’s a whisper. It’s like, “Fire,” and that will whisper very gently into the rocket boosters when he presses the button. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, at some point during those experiments with Cleary and Magnolia, they hear Noah go, *whispers* ‘Fire.’

There’s a fire!?

Rosie/Lucille: For those of you that have watched Arrested Development, that just reminded me of, ‘They’re having a fire…sale.’ Very funny if you get the reference.

*laughter*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How does it look? Does it look good? Does it just sit on each of the legs? Like you can use the legs normally, but also rocket boosters?

Steven/Noah: Yeah, so his feet still touch the ground, and the rocket boosters are sort of to the side.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are there seatbelts?

Steven/Noah: Sure. I mean, he’s got his little seat thing. He’s probably going to attach some safety harness to the seat.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Where did you get that from?

Steven/Noah: I just thought that it might be important. I may or may not have been given random scenarios. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Interesting. Alright, I believe - listeners at home - we are using this as homebrew as actually the winged boots. The same thing that Timmit’s got, but in the form of rocket boosters, so they’re going to work mechanically the same. 

Steven/Noah: Sí.

Olive/Timmit: Can I has?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The rocket boosters?

Olive/Timmit: I just got wings on my boots, bro. You’re making rocket boosters?

Steven/Noah: Are you going to build them?

Olive/Timmit: God damn. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Noah has to spend his downtime teaching Skittles how to use it because Skittles has to attune to it. 

Steven/Noah: Correct. There will be flight lessons and a montage to Eye of the Tiger.

Steven/Noah + Jorja/Magnolia: *sings the intro beat to Eye of the Tiger* 

Steven/Noah: Sorry, we’ll get monetised. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Speaking of a montage, where are we practising? 

Steven/Noah: Probably not in Cleary’s very small office. Yeah, we’ll just out the front. As soon as he thinks there’s enough room. Probably literally outside the front door.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You just walk out the front of the Kingsgrove, and you’re there in the little parkland area that’s in that bottom bit of the city. Like, ‘Okay, here we go.’

Steven/Noah: Yep. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Ayanna doesn’t say anything, but she is standing watch at the front of the city, and she’s just like, ‘What the fuck is going on here?’ Shall we do a test flight?

Steven/Noah: Yeah. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What did I make Rosie- Oh, it’s a bit different for you though because you’re controlling Skittles. Maybe Skittles should do the roll.

Steven/Noah: Sure.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Does Skittles have acrobatics?

Steven/Noah: I mean he has a character sheet. He’s got a plus one in dex.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh yeah, he can roll a dex roll.

Steven/Noah: He’s got a plus four in dex saving throws.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: This is not a saving throw unless he fails. 

Steven/Noah: Ruh roh raggy.

*dice rolls*

Steven/Noah: He rolled a fourteen. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Not his finest work.

Steven/Noah: He’s learning. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You definitely get up in the air, and you stay in the air. You do almost crash into a few fairies that are making their way to and from work, but no casualties were made. 

Steven/Noah: Crushed it.

Jorja/Magnolia: No you didn’t. You didn’t crush them.

Steven/Noah: No, I crushed it.

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh.

Tyrone/Ayanna: Noah, I see you’ve made some adjustments to your creation.

Steven/Noah: Who’s speaking?

Tyrone/Ayanna: Ayanna, Captain of the City Watch.

Steven/Noah: Oh, “Yes, I figured that we might be able to fly, so I thought, ‘let’s put rocket boosters on Skittles.’”

Tyrone/Ayanna: I forget that you guys don’t know how to fly. It’s so second nature to us. 

Steven/Noah: He’s going to show his back, and be like, “There’s no wings there.”

Tyrone/Ayanna: I thought you could just, I don’t know, just do it anyway without wings. Like invisible wings.

Steven/Noah: “No.” He’s going to grab the space around his back, like, “No invisible wings. I’m not a fairy.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is there anything in particular that you’d like to test with this new creation Noah?

Steven/Noah: I just want to make sure that he can fly properly. Ideally.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are you happy with the test flight?

Steven/Noah: I mean, I didn’t run into anything, so yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright, call it a day then.

Steven/Noah: Done. How long does it take to attune? It’s like a long rest though, right?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think you can do a short rest right?

Olive/Timmit: Short rest. One hour to attune to an item. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That was probably an hour.

Steven/Noah: I guess, after the intense training, I reckon Skittles is going to have a pow-wow. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s in the middle of the parkland, and he’s like, ‘I’ll take a nap here.’

Steven/Noah: And he’s going to be dreaming of flight in his robotic dreams.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is Noah taking a little nap as well?

Steven/Noah: Yeah, he’s going to go to sleep next to him.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Just in the park?

Steven/Noah: Yeah. They trained so hard that he’s tired. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s part of the montage is the test flight, and then the next frame is them asleep together in the park. After some lovely patience-

Steven/Noah: I forgot to bring up the fact that I also have Beeyonce there, and she’s instructing Skittles. She’s like, ‘See? You do this.’ No, she demonstrates . She’s like, ‘See? You do this,’ and he’s like, ‘Oh!’ and then he tries, and then after a while he gets it. We’ll fix it in post. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Thank you very much for your patience Timmit. We’re going to step backwards in time about an hour or so because that’s how long the montage took.

*mystical chime*

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*mystical chime*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Timmit, you’ve just had a little bit of a tiff with Noah. What’s happening? Where are you going? What are you feeling?

Olive/Timmit: Alright, so after his little rant, Timmit will leave, and somewhat passive aggressively close the door in frustration and lean against the wall and take the little pearl of power out from his back pocket, which is now completely lightless. Just this dull, black void of a ball sitting in his hand, and he’ll look down at it. “That was a waste,” and then he’ll put the pearl back in his pocket and head up to Thaumus’s tower. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Let’s bring the spirit of Thaumus into my body.

[music]

Tyrone/Thaumus: Hello darling, how are you?

Olive/Timmit: Oh, hi Thaumus. I’m doing okay, and how are you?

Tyrone/Thaumus: Just okay dear?

Olive/Timmit: Oh, well it’s been a day. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: Do you want to sit down on my couch and talk about it?

Olive/Timmit: I’m okay standing, but I would like to talk.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to pull out a cup of tea that she had and put on a pair of spectacles, and be like:

Tyrone/Thaumus: Go on.

Olive/Timmit: Well, it’s really just… It’s just been a lot. We’re in this new world, and there’s a lot of dangers and uncertainties. How long we’re going to be here. How long until we get back home, and yeah, I guess it’s all sort of built up, and I finally snapped. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: Snapped at who?

Olive/Timmit: Well, we could get into that, but I actually came here with a purpose.

Tyrone/Thaumus: Oh? You’re here to- Have you been practising that Dragon’s Breath?

Olive/Timmit: Well, I’ve been trying. I put myself into some hands on learning, and yeah, no. That sucked. It hurt. It was not fun. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: Oh?

Olive/Timmit: Well, you saw the dragon.

Tyrone/Thaumus: Yes, I did want to mention that now that you’re talking about it. Yeah, I’m guessing that the dragon didn’t go well.

Olive/Timmit: Not as well as it could have gone, but it could have been a lot worse. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: It could have gone a lot worse. We could have lost the Kingsgrove entirely.

Olive/Timmit: Oh Thaumus, you don’t give yourself nearly enough credit. You never would have allowed that.

Tyrone/Thaumus: I merely just held it in place. King Oberon did all of the work.

Olive/Timmit: Don’t sell yourself short. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: You’re right. I could have taken it by myself, but the people need to see the king save them.

Olive/Timmit: Oh, of course, of course. For the people. Yes, absolutely.

Tyrone/Thaumus: So, the Dragons’s Breath?

Olive/Timmit: Yes, I also had something else in mind. Just to try and avoid further miscommunications. I just wanted to learn something I could try and put a message into people’s minds without seeing them. Kind of like - how do I explain this? You don’t know what a walkie-talkie is, do you?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She ponders this for a moment and then pulls out her ruby phone. She’s like:

Tyrone/Thaumus: Is this what you mean?

Olive/Timmit: Strangely yeah. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: You- Wherever you’re from, you’ve got a weird lingo. 

Olive/Timmit: What do you call it?

Tyrone/Thaumus: A ruby.

Olive/Timmit: Well, we have those, but it doesn’t do what your rubies do. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: It’s much more boring, isn’t it?

Olive/Timmit: I mean, they’re both pretty to look at I suppose. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: I believe that Cleary did already give you a ruby phone. 

Olive/Timmit: Yes, but I wanted to learn the ability without the object. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: Okay, how can I- How can I explain it to you? Is there anyone - that’s not be because I’m here. Is there anyone that you want to talk to right now.

Olive/Timmit: Let me think. Who do I know?

Steven/Noah: He’s like, ‘Nup!’

Jorja/Magnolia: Not a single soul. 

Olive/Timmit: What is the least inconsequential conversation that I could have in this moment?

Steven/Noah: Who do I like?

Olive/Timmit: Let’s choose Cleary. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: Oh? And what do you want to say to Cleary?

Olive/Timmit: Ooo, I want to say, ‘Hi Cleary, it’s Timmit. Just wanted to know whether the gang has arrived at your workshop or if they’ve been delayed. Thank you,’ and that’s what I want to say. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Before you… Oh, roll an arcana check, I’m sorry. 

Olive/Timmit: Oh, that’s alright. My arcana’s pretty dope.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Timmit: And that’s a sixteen from arcana.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Before you even realise it, you just get back:

Tyrone/Cleary: *telepathically* Timmit? What? How are you? I’m not going to question it. Yeah, they’re here. They’re using my stuff as always. I hope Thaumus is cool. I sent Lucille up there. I hope you’re doing well. Bye.

Olive/Timmit: “Woah, I-” I’ll look over at Thaumus, and, “Did you hear that too, or was that just me?

Tyrone/Thaumus: That was all you honey. I told you that it’s just intentions. 

Olive/Timmit: Oh.

Tyrone/Thaumus: The more that you get in control of your magic, the easier it will be to do this sort of thing.

Olive/Timmit: I should probably let you know that Lucille’s coming up in a moment. Cleary just let me know when she replied. I don’t know why, but she’ll be here soon. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: At that moment you hear a knock at the door.

*door knock*

Tyrone/Thaumus: Come in Lucille. 

Rosie/Lucille: Are you stalking me?

Tyrone/Thaumus: No, we’re just doing a little bit of magic, and Cleary told us that you were coming. 

Rosie/Lucille: Oh, yes I am. I’m coming to talk to you Thalmos. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Just before we continue with this section, yes, you’ve successfully learnt Sending.

Olive/Timmit: Wonderful. Thank you. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: Just a second Lucille. One moment. Timmit, another thing about that spell actually is that you can - when you go back home - you could even use that spell to talk to me if you’d like. It works across the dimensions. 

Olive/Timmit: It does?

Tyrone/Thaumus: It could fail, but Lucille, why are you here?

Rosie/Lucille: Well, I spoke to Cleary about something of a sensitive nature, and the Cleary sent me to you because you might be the best person to talk to about this sensitive topic. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She re-fixes up her spectacles and pulls out her tea again, and goes:

Tyrone/Thaumus: Go on. 

Olive/Timmit: Do, you want me to go outside, or…?

Rosie/Lucille: Actually, if you could just step back a bit. I’ll talk quietly. Just a little. Yeah, thank you Timid…it.

Olive/Timmit: Alright, I’m just going to be prepping myself over here. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think if you’re trying to hear you probably could hear. 

Olive/Timmit: No.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re not going to listen?

Olive/Timmit: No, I’m not going to listen.

Tyrone/Thaumus: So, that little one had a problem with being blue, and now you’ve got a problem of a magical nature,

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, well lately I’ve been finding that- You know the voice that’s in all of our heads? You know, this voice has come into my head more recently, and it’s a male voice, which I found a little bit odd, so I was just wondering if there’s a way to know if it’s my voice or another voice, I guess?

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She rolled a nineteen on her insight into the situation.

Steven/Noah: Fuck.

Tyrone/Thaumus: Tell me a little bit more about this. When did it start?

Rosie/Lucille: Probably after being here for a little while. Not straight away, but a little bit into our little adventure, and it started popping up into my head whenever I’d have to make a decision or things are tense. King of guiding me I guess, but sometimes it guides me in a way in a way that feels not like me.

Tyrone/Thaumus: Can you give me an example?

Rosie/Lucille: Well, I don’t want you to look badly of me, but I- No, I don’t know I- Can you keep a secret?

Tyrone/Thaumus: I can keep a secret.

Rosie/Lucille: Alright, well you see I quite enjoy stealing things, you see. It’s a little bit of fun. Never anything bad, but the voice told me not to steal it, which feels very unlike me. I wouldn’t steal anything from you. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: Of course not. Does it happen when your friends are around? Is it always the same person around every time it’s happened?

Rosie/Lucille: It’s as a group, yeah. The group’s there. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: Yeah, and it’s never happened while you’ve been alone?

Rosie/Lucille: I guess I’m not often alone, but no. Not really. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: Never while you’re in your room alone?

Rosie/Lucille: No. Then that’s just my normal voice.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to look over at Timmit for a second. She’s going to start whispering.

Tyrone/Thaumus: *whispering* If it’s a male voice, I think I would be suspecting this one over here, though I haven’t taught him anything like that.

Rosie/Lucille: *whispering*  Do you think that he’s telling me what to do?

Tyrone/Thaumus: *whispering*  Well, I don’t think he knows that type of magic. It could be the other one, but does he know magic?

Rosie/Lucille: *whispering*  Yes, yes he does.

Tyrone/Thaumus: *whispering* That would be my best bet, is one of these two.

Rosie/Lucille: *whispering*  How do I stop them or do the same to them? I don’t know, do something. Why would they be doing this to an innocent old lady with goats?

Tyrone/Thaumus: *whispering*  You don’t look very old anymore dear. 

Rosie/Lucille: *whispering*  Oh, I’ve forgotten I’m spritely now.

Steven/Noah: Or innocent, you petty thief.

*laughter*

Rosie/Lucille: *whispering*  I can see how they might want to change my decisions, but I always make things work in the end. If I don’t do what the voice tells me, will it hurt me?

Tyrone/Thaumus: *whispering*  Do you think either of these would hurt you?

Rosie/Lucille: *whispering*  No, I could take them, and they seem alright.

Tyrone/Thaumus: *whispering*  Then I think everything should be okay. Just don’t listen to the voice.

Rosie/Lucille: *whispering*  But it’s so loud.

Tyrone/Thaumus: *whispering*  You just need to learn to ignore it. Give a bit of self-control. 

Rosie/Lucille: *whispering*  Alright, alright. I’m not going to tell them I know though. It’s going to my little- our little secret.

Tyrone/Thaumus: *whispering*  Tell me how it goes.

Rosie/Lucille: *whispering*  I shall. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: *whispering* Anything- *regular voice* Anything else dear?

Rosie/Lucille: *regular voice* No, that’s all. I’ve loved our conversation about the tea you’re drinking. Thank you.

Tyrone/Thaumus: The dandelion blend is perfect. Ta ta. I have to finish giving Timmit some lessons. 

Rosie/Lucille: Bye Timmit.

Olive/Timmit: Bye Lucille.

Rosie/Lucille: Alright, see you around. 

Olive/Timmit: Yeah.

Rosie/Lucille: And Lucille’s going to walk out while eyeballing Timmit. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: about that little interruption Timmit. Where were we? We’ve learned one. We’ve got time for a little bit more I think. You picked that one up alright.

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, yeah. No, I think she’s been going with a couple of screws loose for while, so the interruption’s fine. She just needs someone to talk to. Magic.

Tyrone/Thaumus: Yes?

Olive/Timmit: I have an idea.

Tyrone/Thaumus: Go on. 

Olive/Timmit: So, I can cast beings into a space, and they do things for me, and that’s great.

Tyrone/Thaumus: Is this Margaret we’ve been talking about?

Olive/Timmit: Yes, yeah, and I love Margaret. She’s great, but I was just hoping that I could do that more, but with the objects that are around me.

Tyrone/Thaumus: Like how sometimes I just make the brooms do the sweeping themselves. 

Olive/Timmit: Exactly.

Tyrone/Thaumus: Okay Timmit, look around the room. What do you want to make do your little bidding for you?

Olive/Timmit: Timmit will look around the room and try to spot something out that could be fun, and he will… Oh why not? A little hand mirror.

Tyrone/Thaumus: Oh, that little mirror, huh?

Olive/Timmit: Oh, I suppose. It’s small enough, right?

Tyrone/Thaumus: Yes, it should do. I’m curious what you’ll do with it, but you just need to put your hands on it. Not on the glass! I don’t want your handprints on my hand mirror. On the back of it. 

Olive/Timmit: Oh, yeah. On the back of it. Of course, of course.

Tyrone/Thaumus: You just need to think about it. Give it a little name in your mind, and then think about its little personality, and then see how you go.

Olive/Timmit: I’ll reach out. I go to put my hands on it, and then open my eyes to make sure I don’t touch the glass, and then put my hands on the handle, close my eyes again, and think real hard, and do you want me to roll now?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.

Steven/Noah: I was waiting for you to name it. ‘And it’s name is…”

Olive/Timmit: Well, yeah. I’m not going to name it if it’s not going to come alive. That’d just be sad. 

*dice rolls*

Olive/Timmit: Ten.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re not going to give it a name?

Olive/Timmit: I’ll just think really hard, and put all of my energy into it and think, ‘Hmm, Tiger.’ Is it supposed to do anything?

Tyrone/Thaumus: Yes. Did you remember to give it a personality?

Olive/Timmit: Ah shit. No, I had to give it a name and I thought way too hard. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: Let’s move on from that for now. We’ll come back to that one next time. I don’t think you’re quite ready for that one dear.

Olive/Timmit: Well, I feel like we could circle back again to Dragon’s Breath because I’ve got a little bit more experience with that now. 

Tyrone/Thaumus: I think that would be a perfect way to finish up the day. Back to the balcony. Remember, not inside my room please. 

Olive/Timmit: Yes, yes, yes.

Tyrone/Thaumus: Alright, and a one, and two, and a:

*fire jet SFX*

Olive/Timmit: Timmit will open his mouth and take a deep breath in, and…

*dice rolls*

Olive/Timmit: Ten.

Tyrone/Thaumus: Honey, I don’t think I understand where you’re going wrong. Are you picturing the dragon in your mind? You did see the dragon. You saw its fire. Did that- Is it fear? Thinking about how monstrous it was.

Olive/Timmit: It was pretty terrifying.

Tyrone/Thaumus: I think we need to overcome this block. This block in your mind. Perhaps a trip up into Avos - Cleary tells me you’re going to - perhaps that will help free your mind a little bit. 

Olive/Timmit: Maybe.

Tyrone/Thaumus: That is all for my lessons today. I cannot teach someone who cannot be taught.

Olive/Timmit: Well, thank you for the vote of confidence. I really appreciate it.

Tyrone/Thaumus: Sorry Timmit, but you need to work on your mind before you can work on your magic.

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, well now I just need my dice to stop eating arse. I rolled an eleven and two fives.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Where’s Timmit going?

Olive/Timmit: Timmit will, after that, go for a little stroll through the castle, and just thinking over in his mind the whole situation with the dragon and the little tiff that he had with Noah, and remember that… Which jewel was it? The sapphire? The one with the communication?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s a ruby. 

Olive/Timmit: Oh, right. So yeah, Timmit will turn on his heel and go straight to Cleary’s workshop.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Where did Lucille go by the way?

Rosie/Lucille: Lucille went to sit in a corner for a little bit and use her scrying to look at her goats. Just to, you know, ground herself a little bit. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are you going to do a secret or are you going to do an object?

Rosie/Lucille: A secret.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Well you have to roll.

Rosie/Lucille: I use the arcana, right?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes. I think it was a DC12.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Lucille: I got an eleven, so Lucille is going to try and see her goats and fail, and is going to sit there sadly with her eyes closed. Imagining the goats and have a little chuckle, like, “Oh, Pickles. Look at you go.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s so sad. 

Rosie/Lucille: It’s like they’re really there. She smells her goat coat and feels the fur on it. It’s like they’re really back there. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: ‘Look Goaty, there’s all your family.’

*laughter*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Back at Cleary’s workshop.

*magical chime*

[music]

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: We get the little knock at the door. Does Timit knock?

Olive/Timmit: Just a little:

*door knocks*

Olive/Timmit: Hello?

Tyrone/Cleary: Come in.

Olive/Timmit: Oh hi Cleary and anyone else that’s here.

Jorja/Magnolia: Hello!

Olive/Timmit: “Hi!” I’ll look around the room and say, “Oh, no that it’s not a pleasure to see you both, but do you know where Noah is?”

Jorja/Magnolia: I did see him scurry outside, and he said… He was muttering, almost yelling, ‘Okay, I hope it works,’ so I assume he built something. 

Olive/Timmit: Alright. Cool, cool, cool, cool. What are you guys doing?

Jorja/Magnolia: I was playing with plants.

Olive/Timmit: You know what? That’s very cool. 

Jorja/Magnolia: It is. Thank you.

Olive/Timmit: For you? No worries. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Watchu doing?

Olive/Timmit: I tried to learn some magic today, but I think I got in my own head about it.

Jorja/Magnolia: It’s been a long day, so…

Olive/Timmit: It has been a very long day. I am so tired.

Jorja/Magnolia: Me too. I might go have a little nap actually. I just did an experiment, so I’m tapped out. I’ve done my physical, and I’ve done my mental. It’s time for sleep.

Olive/Timmit: That sounds like a very good idea.

Jorja/Magnolia: “Yeah.” Do we have to go outside…? Where do we sleep? Is it in the Kingsgrove, or…?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.

Jorja/Magnolia: Okay, I’m going to head out, and maybe just go lay down for a second, but yeah. I think Noah went outside.

Olive/Timmit: Okay, alright. Thank you. I’ll see you later.

Jorja/Magnolia: Bye.

Tyrone/Cleary: Did you need something Timmit?

Olive/Timmit: “Oh, that’s alright Cleary. I mean, honestly I think I’d get lost in here,” and then I’ll turn and go to head out, and as I exit I’ll- Oh actually, I’ll very quickly go up to Magnolia and run up, and, “Hey, do you still have the jewels in your bag? Do you mind if I grab a couple of rubies?”

Jorja/Magnolia: “Yeah, yeah. Go for it.” She opens her bag.

Olive/Timmit: I’ll take out four of them and pop them in my coat. “Okay, thanks.”

Jorja/Magnolia: “No problem” Magnolia did leave a little flower on the workbench for Cleary. She cleared up all of her space and just left a flower there.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Aww. Not an aetherbloom, I assume?

Jorja/Magnolia: God no. 

Olive/Timmit: And then Timmit will go outside.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You get outside, and you don’t realise where the time went? It’s night time all of a sudden. You’re like, ‘There’s the…’ I believe it was one moon. It was blue and then it went into a gradient into a pink. So, the moon is out. Timmit, you see Noah having a little nap on top of Skittles in the parkland, now in the dark. 

Olive/Timmit: I’ll stroll around outside and observe that it’s quite dark now, and look over and, “Do I wake him? I mean I really shouldn’t startle him because it’s really not a good thing to startle people while they’re sleeping. Noah. Noah. Are you even sleeping?”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Skittles will give a little gentle shake. He’ll give his little beep, beep, beep, beep.

Steven/Noah: Insert noise of Skittles.

*Skittles beeps*

Steven/Noah: Huh? Huh? Oh. Oh, Timmit. 

Olive/Timmit: Hi

Steven/Noah: Hi.

Olive/Timmit: You know it’s dark, right?

Steven/Noah: So it is. 

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, are you good out here?

Steven/Noah: Yeah, I was trying to teach Skittles how to fly, and I guess time got away from us. 

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, no. I feel that. Hey, I had an idea that I think might intrigue you.

Steven/Noah: Okay.

Olive/Timmit: I’ll take out the rubies and place them in front of Noah, and I’ll say, “ You know how we had those walkie-talkies, and then- Well now they’re…” I’ll gesture towards Beeyonce. “They’re, you know…”

Steven/Noah: Did you know that, though?

Olive/Timmit: I think it was passed in conversation.

Steven/Noah: Oh okay, right. 

Olive/Timmit: I had an idea to use these in the same kind of way, but a little more helpful for communicating if we get split up again.

Steven/Noah: Sure. What do you want from me?

Olive/Timmit: I need your brain.

Steven/Noah: I need that.

Olive/Timmit: No, I’m not going to take it from you. I’m just going to take it out for a walk and I’ll bring it back. I promise.

Steven/Noah: To be honest, I’m not using it right now. You can take it. 

Olive/Timmit: No, Thaumus just taught me some magic, and I thought I could try to apply that magic to these, but I need your ingenuity, and, well, I wanted to apologise as well in my own, and thought it might intrigue you to help me. 

Steven/Noah: Okay.” Noah’s going to pause and think internally for a minute, and think, ‘Okay, he’s apologising, but I also did a bad thing, so I should also apologise,’ and you can see it’s taking him way too long to get that thought process happening. He’ll be like, “ Oh, oh, I also apologise. So are we good?”

Olive/Timmit: I mean, yeah.

Steven/Noah: Cool!

Olive/Timmit: Sick.

Steven/Noah: Noah’s like, ‘Oh thank god. That was easy.’

Olive/Timmit: Well, stress gone.

Steven/Noah: I did emotion. I self-five.

Olive/Timmit: I mean we could high-five if you want.

Steven/Noah: Okay.

Olive/Timmit: Okay. can we- *struggling*

*laughter*

Rosie/Lucille: That was the shittest high-five I’ve ever seen.

Steven/Noah: But that’s how it would have gone.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah. 

Steven/Noah: Knowing those two people, that’s exactly how it would have gone. Oh my god. Hilarious.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: For the people listening, Steven and Olive, sort of very slowly went to push each other's hands against each other before swiftly pulling away. 

Steven/Noah: That sounds like a perfect high-five. What do you mean?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, you’re asking Noah how to make ruby phones?

Olive/Timmit: Well, it’s a little more complicated than that. I want to imbue the Sending spell into the rubies. I’ll lay out my plan to Noah and show what I want. Being able to use them as earpieces, so all you have to do is reach up and tap it and you can just talk to whoever you want. 

Steven/Noah: I mean, it’s definitely going to pique his interest, but how does that work in universe?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I mean, you can touch it to activate it, so it would be the same thing. It’s just about making them into an earpiece, right?

Steven/Noah: But, like putting the spell into the ruby. I don’t think Noah can do that.

Jorja/Magnolia: But is the ruby just as ruby already a phone, or does something need to happen to make it a phone?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s a phone. It’s a phone right now. 

Jorja/Magnolia: The rubies we got from the cave?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.

Jorja/Magnolia: Bruh, why haven’t we been using them?

Olive/Timmit: Wait, they’re not just straight up rubies? We can use these as phones?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Pretty much. I mean, Noah used the fire gems and now they’re…

Steven/Noah: Yeah, I figured that the fairies did something to the rubies to make them into phones.

Olive/Timmit: Well, I didn’t know they were just… I thought they were just rubies. We can just use these as phones. Yeah alright, cool. Then nevermind. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Would you guys like to roll an arcana check?

*dice rolls*

Olive/Timmit: God damn it.

Steven/Noah: I only got a ten.

Olive/Timmit: I got eight.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: With a ten, you can ascertain that these can still function as phones. You’ve seen the ruby phone. You’ve worked with the ruby phone because you put it into your shield. You turned it into your flying babies. You can use it as a phone, so whether you’d like to do all that extra business, which I don’t think you need to or want to.

Steven/Noah: “I love your enthusiasm, but I don’t think we need to put any spell into this.” He’s just going to hold it up to Timmit’s ear and then speak into a different one.

Olive/Timmit: Oh. *laughter* You know, I forget sometimes that we’re not home.

Steven/Noah: Yeah.

Olive/Timmit: Yeah.

Steven/Noah: Yeah, rubies back home don’t do that.

Olive/Timmit: Alright, well. Whack. 

Steven/Noah: I can still fashion it into a little earpiece if you’d like. 

Olive/Timmit: I would love that.

Steven/Noah: “Sure.” He’s just going to take it and use some of the scrap pieces that he’s had leftover from building rocket boosters.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Noah, I’m happy to hear an argument if you think it should be different one, but if you could roll me a sleight of hand check plus your proficiency bonus.

Steven/Noah: Sure.

*dice rolls*

Steven/Noah: That’s a dirty- No, it’s not even dirty because it’s twenty-one. It’s a twenty one.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s quite a marvel looking at Noah working with his tools as quite suddenly he’s made four earpieces for the rubies. Yeah.

Steven/Noah: Ta-da!

Olive/Timmit: Damn you work fast.

Steven/Noah: You’re welcome. What colour would you like?

Well, wow. Thank you.

Steven/Noah: I made red, and blue, and purple, and green. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How did you make colours? They’re all rubies. 

Steven/Noah: I have painter’s tools. I’ve got tools. I’ma use them.

Olive/Timmit: I think maybe I’ll take the red one.

Steven/Noah: “I think red was you, yeah.” I’m going to hand it over to him. 

Olive/Timmit: “Yeah.” I’ll put it up into my ear and give it a test, like, *radio* “Check. Testing. One, two. One, two. *regular* Oh wait, you don’t have yours in. That’s not going to work.”

Steven/Noah: He’s holding the other three, like, “I think they’re making sounds.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are we heading to bed? Are we going to go see the other guys? I think Magnolia has already hit the hay.

Jorja/Magnolia: She is honk-shoeing big hard. *snoring*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think Lucille’s gone to bed pretty sad as well from memory. After the goats didn’t work.

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, I sat there for a while, 

       and then I sat there some more, 

       and then I thought to myself, 

       ‘Let’s go out the door,’ 

       so I walked out the door,

       and then I went to the bed, 

       and then I hit my head.

No, I didn’t. I’m just trying to think of rhymes now. Okay, yes. I went to bed. Sorry.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are you guys heading to bed?

Olive/Timmit: Yes.

Steven/Noah: Yes.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: ‘Tis the morning. Who wakes up first?

Maybe me because I went to bed first.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are you hopping out into the world outside of your bedroom?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yes.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You hop outside your bedroom, and standing there is the king. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, hi. How are you?

Tyrone/Oberon: Well. How did you sleep Magnolia?

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, so good. I just passed out immediately. I was so tired.

Tyrone/Oberon: I can imagine. It’s quite difficult. Especially if you didn’t get a chance to sleep. While I’ve got you here Magnolia, I wanted to ask if your team had made a decision yet about the orrery. You know, we don’t have much time.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah. We haven’t had the discussion yet. We were going to have it now or during our travels to try and save time because we still have to go to the city in the sky.

Tyrone/Oberon: Avos, yes. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, and so we’ve been gearing up for that, and also trying to do some background work to figure out how to help you guys, so we’ve sort of been all over the place, so we haven’t talked yet.

Tyrone/Oberon: Tomorrow shall have to do. Please come to me with an swer tomorrow. I really must insist. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, yeah. Of course. Yeah, that’s no problems. We’ll talk while we travel. How did you sleep?

Tyrone/Oberon: The worries of my people keep me up at night.

Jorja/Magnolia: It must be so hard being king.

Tyrone/Oberon: Right now it is.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah. I have an extra flower. Do you want it?

Tyrone/Oberon: Thank you.

Jorja/Magnolia: You’re welcome.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’ll put it behind his ear. It goes well with his flower crown.

Jorja/Magnolia: Beautiful.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Wait, not his flower crown. Crown of thorns. He goes. He leaves.

Jorja/Magnolia: Bye. Enjoy your day. We’ll be back soon with an answer. I’ll go wake them up now.

Tyrone/Oberon: Yeah, that would be lovely. Thank you.

Jorja/Magnolia: “No problem.” I just bash on the door. No.

*laughter*

Jorja/Magnolia: I’ll go wake everyone up politely. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You guys waking up?

Olive/Timmit: Yep.

Steven/Noah: *yawns*

Jorja/Magnolia: Morning.

Olive/Timmit: Is it morning? I thought we got back… When is time?

Jorja/Magnolia: It doesn’t exist.

Tyrone/Cleary: Good morning troops. Are we ready for a day in the sky? 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, yeah!

Tyrone/Cleary: Ah yep. So, where are we taking off from? Are we taking off from right here, right now? Are we going to go into the fields in Avos? What’s the planio? 

Steven/Noah: Well, can we see anywhere from here, or should we go further out into the field?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What do you mean?

Steven/Noah: Can we see our destination in the sky right now?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can see some clouds up there, yeah. 

Steven/Noah: Is that our destination?

Tyrone/Cleary: To be honest with you, we don’t actually know where your destination is. We know it’s up there somewhere, and that there’ll be a big structure in the clouds, but-

Steven/Noah: What does it look like?

Tyrone/Cleary: It’ll be obvious. It’ll be like the other guys. I think you found some sort of temple thing in Neptis, or like the big pyramid. It’ll be a big, obvious structure that is not made by us. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Do you have any inkling of where it might be or be close to or where it definitely isn’t?

Tyrone/Cleary: I’m going to be honest right now. We haven’t had time to map out Avos because we’ve been too worried about farming. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, that’s okay.

Farming is good. Especially when there’s goats involved. I’ve always said.

Tyrone/Cleary: Yes, I’ve always said that too.

Jorja/Magnolia: Do we know that there’s a limitation on the boots?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Gregg would have told you, yes. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Well, I mean, we don’t want to get you two stranded. Like, using up all of your power, so…

Steven/Noah: Yeah, these gems aren’t going to last long. They’ve got to recharge. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, so maybe we should walk out somewhere and every now and then Lucille and I could pop up, see if we see something, come back down, and continue walking?

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, sounds good.

Jorja/Magnolia: Okay.

Olive/Timmit: “You guys might not even have to come back down. That’s crazy. I was going to hand them out before we had went to bed, but you guys have conked out hard last night,” and then Timmit will reach into his bag and pull out these gems. “Which colours do you want?”

Steven/Noah: Blue.

Olive/Timmit: So, I’ve got green and…

Steven/Noah: Purple.

Olive/Timmit: Purple.

Rosie/Lucille:  I’ll have purple. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Can I have the green one please?

Steven/Noah: As if I didn’t get everyone’s colours the first time.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, as soon as he said it, I was like, ‘He’s on it.’

Steven/Noah: You’re welcome.

Rosie/Lucille:  Purple is like my little jumper that I wear all the time. I like purple.

Tyrone/Cleary: Alright, so we’re going to head to the fields, are we?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yes please.

Tyrone/Cleary: Alright.

Rosie/Lucille:  Wait, what are these for? The little things. Do I put them in my ear?

Olive/Timmit: You can put it in your ear, and then we can talk to each other.

Jorja/Magnolia: They’re airpods, but for conversations.

Olive/Timmit: Would Lucille know what an airpod is?

Rosie/Lucille:  What’s an airpod?

Jorja/Magnolia: Okay, yeah. I see your point. 

Steven/Noah: It’s like a little radio in your ear.

Rosie/Lucille:  Ooo, I love the news.

Jorja/Magnolia: We’re going to have to make up news broadcasts.

Steven/Noah: *like an old-fashioned news reporter* Coming in! Coming in just now!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master I’m going to time skip a little bit to heading down the elevator into Avos, which s=is just a big stretch full of green fields, which would be perfect for Lucille’s goats if they were here.

Rosie/Lucille:  Why would you remind me?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master You can see this dirt path that’s been worn over time and time again by the farmers’ carts as they’ve come in day after day for the past - I want to say six days from memory. And out in the fields the farmers are working on their crops. There’s a few farmhouses that have been built, but most of the time they work the fields and then head back to the city. It sounds like perhaps Magnolia and Lucille would like to roll a perception check?

Rosie/Lucille:  Because we’re flying?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yuh. Yuh, yuh, yuh.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Lucille:  Nineteen.

Jorja/Magnolia: You know, in total it’s a six, but I rolled a one. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master Magnolia, you’re supposed to be looking around for some sort of structure in the clouds, and all you can notice is the little cabbages that people are growing. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, Lucille, there’s vegetation. Ooo, there’s so many plants here! Ooo, and then look at that little crop!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master Lucille’s like, ‘Umm.’ Pointing at pillars that she can see made out of clouds in the sky.

Jorja/Magnolia: Huh?

Rosie/Lucille:  I think there’s some things there. Like a building? 

Jorja/Magnolia: Can I see it when she points it out?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master Yes.

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rosie/Lucille:  It’s pretty big, but you looked at cabbages. Yeah… Have you got- Go to Specsavers.

Jorja/Magnolia: Okay, it’s not my vision impairment. It’s that I wasn’t looking up.

Steven/Noah: It’s not my vision. It’s my attention span, and I’m working on that with my therapist.

Jorja/Magnolia: It’s not my vision. It’s me as a person. “Yeah that looks right. Should we go get boys?”

Rosie/Lucille:  I’m going to go tell the others. I’m going to go to the earpiece, and go, *radio* “Hello. Hello?”

Steven/Noah: *radio* “Hi”

Rosie/Lucille:  *radio* “Can you hear me?”

Olive/Timmit: *radio* “No.”

Rosie/Lucille:  *radio* “Oh, okay.”

Steven/Noah: *radio* “Yes, we can hear you.”

Rosie/Lucille:  *radio* “There’s a structure.”

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* “There’s also cabbages. Can you guys see the cabbages?”

Steven/Noah: *radio* “Yes, we can see the cabbages.”

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* “Can you get me one?”

Steven/Noah: *radio* “Sure.”

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* “Thank you.”

Olive/Timmit: In hindsight, maybe the earpieces weren’t the most genius idea.

Steven/Noah: What are you talking about? They’re working perfectly fine. 

Olive/Timmit: Yes they are. Let’s go.

Steven/Noah: *radio* “What does the building look like?”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master All you can see is periodic cloud pillars. They’re more groupings of clouds that are more geometric in shape than clouds usually are. 

Rosie/Lucille: *radio* “So it’s kind of like you’re looking at a cloud, but it’s kind of like you’re looking at a building. If you can imagine what it’s like to be on my farm in the morning when there’s lots of fog and there’s a brick wall. Yeah, but without the goat noises.”

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* “They’re pillars as clouds.

Steven/Noah: *radio* “So is it actually the structure, or is it just the clouds?”

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* “I can go look.”

Olive/Timmit: *radio* “We’ll just come up.” I’ll rub my feet together, and *regular* “Go, go, go,” and then I shoot off into the sky.

Steven/Noah: Noah’s going to be standing there in a field by himself with a single cabbage, like, *regular* “Okay.” He’ll press his button, and you’ll hear the slightest thing that says, *whispers* “Fire,” and it’s so quiet you can barely hear it, but the rocket boosters hear it, and they take off. 

[whimsical music slowly rises]

Theme Song: *rock music plays*

Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Thank you so much for listening to Portal Quandary. Portal Quandary is made possible by the following people: Myself, Tyrone Cross as Dungeon Master, Community Manager, and Editor, Steven Edwards as Noah, Olive Jerome as Timothy and the Editing Assistant, Rosemary Ochtman as Lucille, and Jorja Odd as Magnolia. Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant, and Chanelle Hayden is our transcriber. Our theme song is Belly of the Beast by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas, and if you need to contact us you can do so at portalquandary@gmail.com. We’re also on the lookout for someone to join our team as a Community Manager, so if that sounds like you, shoot us a DM or an email. We’re also on a bunch of social media including Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, Threads, and our newly launched Patreon. So if you’re interested in any of those please head over to them. They’re all @PortalQuandary. That’s Q-U-A-N-D-A-R-Y. And this podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people, and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders. 

Theme Song: *rock music continues* 

Finding home in the belly of the beast, (in the belly of the beast), to make it home we can’t accept defeat, (there’s no turning back) so roll the dice and come along with me, (come along with me, let’s go), finding home in the belly of the beast.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I’m a fucking theatre kid. Do you expect me to do science?

Jorja/Magnolia:  Yes bitch. You made us do vocal exercises. You’re doing science.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I made everyone do vocal exercises today. Let’s see how it went. If we sound smoother it’s because of our vocal warm-ups. 

Rosie/Lucille: Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.

Jorja/Magnolia:  Where’s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

Olive/Timmit:  Sorry, how many did he pick?

Jorja/Magnolia:  Seven.

Rosie/Lucille: *struggling* If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, how many pecks did Peter Piper pick? That wasn’t it. 

Olive/Timmit:  That’s going in.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Let’s go fly a kite way up in the sky. And ladies and gentlemen, we shall cut it there. 

Jorja/Magnolia:  I’m getting a fucking cabbage!